Why Some Men Disrespect Women

March 4, 2009 by Toni Doswell  
Published in Women

A candid discussion on the reasons why men disrespect women as well as suggestions that will help those involved in these situations.

Respect is what every women craves, but to be disrespected is, for many, the epitome of rudeness.  Why some men disrespect women is not a toss up, but rather a given.  Disrespect is a symptom of something far deeper than an action.  It is an attitude that stems from believing that womanhood  is not  admirable. 

When men believe that women are inferior to them, or that women will allow disrespect, they will show their contempt for them by talking rudely to them, ignoring them, or treating them like an animal.  If women go along with this for even a whiff of time, they silently confirm that the man has a right to do these things without reprisal.  Thus, the man continues on and the woman never shines in her own beautiful light as a creature who is to be revered and honored. 

Men are taught at an early age the concept of respect or disrespect.  Parents live it before them.  If a male child constantly views women being castigated before them, then they derive the opinion that this is just how women are to be treated.  If fathers always put mothers down before their children, the children will bring to their tables this same attitude towards women.  I have seen  this right before my eyes.

Another reason men disrespect women is that the woman represents no challenge to their male ego.  The woman is  “free” or “loose” with herself.  She does not value her womanhood before the man and shows no restraint at any time.  She is like a bargain basement item in the man’s sight.  He can never appreciate her as a virtuous woman and doubts her honesty and integrity when being in her company or presence.  Unless the woman begins to put a price tag on herself, she will remain a bargain basement item.

Then there are men who are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.  At these times, they are not in their right minds.  They hardly know what they are doing.  To slam a woman around, address her in disrespectful tones is something they do at those moments.  If she does not remove herself from his presence at these moments, she cannot blame anyone for her treatment. 

There are men who are self involved in a power struggle.  When a man feels belittled, put down, and like an underdog, he will treat a woman rudely to feel big inside.  He’s the great one, and not she.  That brings to him a feeling of superiority and elevation if she allows it.  He will repeat these actions towards her again and again each time he needs to experience the much needed feeling of power. 

Women must then take control of themselves in order to be appreciated, respected, and loved.  They must recognize that they are not here to be trampled upon in any form.  They are the beautiful counterpart of men.  They are the precious dewdrops from heaven that God designed should complement men.  They are delicate and supportive, but not pieces of trash to be thrown to the dogs.  If women believe men are dogs, then they should change their viewpoint and see men as rocks of strength, towers of support, and in their proper roles, leaders of communities and homes. 

As men and women understand their God given role in relationship to each other and society, they will begin to change their behavior to reflect what they should be.  Some will need therapist to help their brains be reprogrammed to accept these character building concepts.  All will need God and His power to help them arise from the prison of disrespect to respect. 

When men wake up and realize that women can be their best friends, and helpers, they will begin to see them as a part of them.  They will begin to see that women can help make or break them as a man.  They will want a good woman by their side, and they will want to work to keep her there.

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21 Responses to “Why Some Men Disrespect Women”
  1. barbara Says:

    Talk about disrespect for women! Let me be as clear as possible about this. Women are not responsible for men’s bad behavior! A woman who is being beaten CANNOT leave the room! Alcohol, nor drugs, have not been allowed to be used as an excuse for violence in our courts for many years. Many men drink and/or use drugs and never hurt women. A man who disrespects women by using her sexually is as much as a bargain basement item as he sees her…useing someone for your own gratification is WRONG whether it is coming from a man or a woman. And you put the responsibility for lack of integrity all on her! If a man has low self-esteem and makes himself feel superior by abusing the woman who loves him..it’s HER fault! You do women a great disservice! Grow Up! I suggest that that you get yourself to that therapist you mentioned as soon as possible before you hurt other women through your “blame the victim’ attitude. You are falling right into the mindset of abusive men! I have many years of working with abusive men through Police Victim’s Assistance and have heard all these above excuses many times. Stop helping them in their abuse. I am sure there are transition houses in your area that can give you the information you need to recognize the damage you are doing with this attitude.

  2. Jade Says:

    THANK YOU BARBARA for your comment! It’s amazing how many women who probably were abused or know others who have been take this stand when it comes to abusive and controlling men. It’s sad that in our society, the victim is the blame for the agressor.

    Toni, In one sentence you speak about how precious women are and how we are to be honored, then on the other hand you say we should accept blame and responsibilty for this madness when he’s high or drunk…WOW…(with this pass, abuse will never stop). Most abusers are not crazy, they simply have an entitlement problem. We know this because of how they treat their own mothers. Most abusers treat their mothers like GOLD believe it or not. Don’t believe the hype that you will find a good man based on how he treats his mother.

    Before you write another piece, PLEASE Get focused and get some help for yourself and more importantly, stop speaking from an angle that you clearly no nothing about. Why don’t you speak to women who have been literally spit on by men as if they are animals, controlled, bruised physically and devoured emotionally and then write your article.

    In the meantime, go and get the book WHY DOES HE DO THAT: INSDIE THE MINDS OF ANGRY AND CONTROLLING MEN BY LUNDY BANCROFT…and come again.

    Peace.

  3. forthegreatergood Says:

    No woman deserves to be disrespected simply because she has chosen to enjoy consenting sexual intimacy!!!
    Think about it… why is it OK for men, but not OK for women? Because religion and society has ingrained this way of thinking into us for centuries! … and who have our religious and political leaders typically been until recently? MEN! Making women feel/appear bad for their sexual choices is one of men’s ways of trying to control us.

  4. gurs Says:

    i recently got a call from an old friend who started talking in a way that surprised me.i least expected this behavior from him because nobody has ever spoken to me in that manner.i realsied he was doing this only after a while and so right now i feel like crushing him totally.

  5. Anonymous Says:

    A lot of women treat men with disrespect, and all the attention of society is focused on how men need to be better, but when will the feminists consider their own actions? Like it or not, nearly any man who mistreats a woman, has been himself mistreated by other women. Disrespect is part of a vicious cycle, and you are naive to think that men are the only ones at fault. My guess is most of you, sadly, will have trouble even imagining scenarios in which a woman can be at fault for something, but the truth of the matter is that most women are not virtuous.

  6. Ralph Says:

    I really hate to inform you that is women who cause the males to become violent you are the primary caregivers to your children and you treat his daughters. One way and your sons another way and usually in a very negative manner so that he becomes a man. He will have a bad attitude toward women. Fortunately I had a mother who cared very much about me and I was born with a very compassionate soul but unfortunately, by the time I was 11 my attitude about girls and women changed do their actions and caused me to have a very negative out look of them.
    Ralph

  7. Anonymous Says:

    I have a special case. A woman constantly had romantic interactions with me online. She made a boyfriend without my knowledge and still had romantic interactions with me. Said that I’m her soul mate. Told her boyfriend about me, but not me about him. I did have feelings and never said, that saved me alot of pain. I was ready to spend my first salary to go and meet her. And still she thought she is the good one. How hypocritical! I didn’t give attention to other women in this time. I avoided a few too. She associated me with her, but she knew she had a boyfriend. Too much faith in the wrong person… I feel disrespected, she did that partly and I partly allowed it to happen to myself. She wanted me to come there while she still had a boyfriend! She still thinks she is the good one, but I don’t want to talk to such a person… Come to think of it now, I thought I was bad, but I was being duped for so long. I lacked judgment and wisdom… :(

  8. Anonymous Says:

    I mean, she typed that I’m her soul mate. I agreed! So, I started taking it seriously…

  9. jessica Says:

    I agree that in a situation where the men are very drunk and drinking, that the woman, should get up and leave. It’s better to take care of herself that way, then to stay, and take the disrespectful attitudes or comments. It’s not O.K. but in a situation where the people are drunk, how can they be blamed? I was in a situation like this and the guys starting talking about the stimulation of the male prostate, and licking butt, etc. I sat there for five minutes and started to feel uncomfortable and said to them, please do not talk that way when you have a woman sitting here, it’s disrespectful. Their response was “were in the woods”. And so they were right. The other woman had allready left and I chose to stay there. AT that point I made the choice to get up and leave…although I did send the man a message the next day telling him that his behavior and topic of discussion was disrespectful to both me as a woman and his wife.

  10. Carmel Says:

    Men disrespect specific women especially ones who have no support,defense, socially out of place. I’ve experienced in places where if your not part of the cliche your an easy target for attack. The hard thing is seeking help once the attack begins because they sometimes have a high standing or mutual respect amoung their peers. I know several times I had to stop being friends with women because their husbands would sexually/physically assault me, but everyone would cover it up by keeping silent. It seems I never could find justice in those situtions.

  11. nieshadaboss Says:

    i think mens just dnt care n do what they want cuz my boyfriend always disrespect me all da time n only wants 2 b wit me wen he want 2 but he say he loves me i just dnt kno wat 2 do anymore cuz i really do love him n do anything 4 him

  12. Jackie Says:

    Obviously not all men are disrespectful, there are some amazing men who are out there who treat women with the respect and dignity that they deserve. Of course not all women are victims etc. and they could be the ones harming the men. But with that said, i have recently run into a lot of men who seem to have a natural bias towards women. I am a very strong woman, 23 years old, a mother, and studying at present to get my PhD in psychology, i love to talk about health and anything intellectual, but i find that some insecure men, try to break me down because my strength and intelligence threatens them. I ended up dating one man, who was much older than me, at first i thought he was a great guy because he was a single father, owned a construction company, and talked a good talk- but as time passed i realized that it was all a front. We ended up having sex sooner than i would have liked, we were drinking, (he was definitely interested in buying me drinks) i normally don’t drink that much and found myself more tipsy than usual and we went back to his truck and started making out, i specifically told him i did not want to have sex, but before i new it he was trying to “get down” i told him NO NO NO NO NO NO, get off me, stop, stop… but he acted as if he did not hear and finished off, the whole time i was pushing his dead weight off of me to not avail. On one hand i liked the guy so far, but i wanted to hold off on the sex, so i ignored his sexual aggression, which was not smart of me, but i guess i did not want to make a scene and be all dramatic. So anyways after that we continued to see each other and we would also usually have sex. He had two kids at home, and i also had a baby so we never went to each other’s homes, instead he would get hotels, I told him that i wanted to go to his home soon that the hotel thing felt weird to me, etc. but i didn’t want to rush him because of his kids. He acted like he was falling in love with me, begged me to let him meet my family but i said no it was too soon, talked about future vacations we would take, talked about combining finances, told me how amazing i was and acted in love etc. (mainly before or after sex), he even said he was going to start renting me an apartment so we could have a place to hang out until he was comfortable with me meeting his teen kids. OKAY you guys are thinking damn this chick got played, well i guess was being naive because i felt very infatuated with him etc. I am a very strong creative, talkative, intelligent, driven, beautiful, liberal type of gal, and i am going into psychology because i love to help people with their problems, i have had issues with codependency with men, in other words i have a “broken picker.” So this guy would tell me i talked too much when i talked about anything intellectual, to try and break me down, because he was insecure and wanted to feel strong. He admitted he was beat by his dad and his mother was beat by his dad growing up, but he told me her would never hit a girl. He was a wrestling coach for his son, and was definitely living through his son, since his own wrestling career didn’t work out, he told me he beat his kids and that he believes physical violence is a great way to solve most problems. He told me stories about living in the mid-west and corporal punishment in the schools, and how is own dad suggested that he spank his wife (now his ex) when she was disrespectful or bad. I saw this stuff as red flags….i am the yoga chick from Cali, all of that is not my style….but i had compassion, i blamed his behavior on his childhood, he would call women sluts, point out women’s butts and make comments at restaurants etc. I knew he was trying to disrespect me. One time, after we had been intimate, we talked about politics, he is very racist, has a “whit pride” tat and Nazi sign on his arm, but acted like it was more his thing when he was younger, i argued with him, trying to convince him that being racist was wrong, he brought up how Obama the nig** messed the economy up (it started with Bush, hello?!)–Anyways i would challenge him and his beliefs. After this i think he felt small, because he started play wrestling with me, and put me in a choke hold, but he was not playing around anymore, and i thought i was going to die couldn’t breath, i pushed him off, started crying, i was freaked out…he apologized, said he didn’t realize, and that he would never hurt me. The next day we talked, and he acted all sweet told me he would help me with a ticket i got etc. I told him i thought he needed therapy, and that i would go with him if he wanted, or else i could not see him anymore—he told me he would not go and that he did not want to “buy a car that was already broke”—referring to the relationship, and said “i know i am rough around the edges, but i am really a good person and great dad, i want i women who can accept me the way i am and not try and change me” he seemed rational when he said they, but when we would hnag out he sucked at communicating in a mature manner, after this conversation we agreed to stop seeing each other. The next day he called me and said “hey lets be friends still, why don’t i take you out to dinner on Thursday” i was stupid and said Yes, and he ends up calling and canceling on Thursday, because he wants to hang out with his guy friends and they don’t want him to bring sand to the beach. This pattern goes on for a month, i never called him, he would call me ask me out and then ditch on the day….very weird behavior. Finally i told him, stop contacting me–you are a liar, manipulator, etc. All of the sudden he was calling me off the hook and gave a bunch of excuse excuse excuses, he asked to take me out to breakfast, i wasn’t going to fall for that again, but the next day he called again and we ended up going. Breakfast was lame, he acted like even more of an asshole, while i sat their hardened waiting for an apology and for everything to be great again. I lost my phone and happily did not replace it so i stopped talking to him completing…..two months later i run into his best friend, who is another a-hole type, very loud mouthed and says terrible things about women, just out of jail. The friend who had gotten in legal trouble with the man i dated, starts bashing his friend, basically telling me “you don’t know him, he is a pussy and a manipulator, did you ever go to his house? No? That is because he has a girlfriend of 6 years living there, he also had two more kids, and is paying me to take a felony charge for him, because he was practicing construction without a license” etc. I was not surprised……………………….but i was hurt……………………i told the friend that i had looked up the guys legal record and saw the charges (i didn’t want to be with a rapist so i looked it up when i sensed he was lying) Anyways a week goes by……………………..the man i had dated calls me (somehow)……………i answer and tell him everything the friend had told me….he makes a lot of smooth excuses, is very charming, and basically weasels his way out of it, says he wants to be friends, and get some coffee. Anyways i was stupid and went, he told me that he called the friend who ratted him out, and the friend denied a lot of what he had told me, called me a slut, talked about screwing me in the back of a truck with a 6 pack of beers and that everyone could get in on it etc. basically a bunch of terrible stuff. The guy i was dating told me that his friend is an a-hole and liar etc. In reality they are two peas in a pod!!!!!! I did nothing wrong to either of these two men, in the end i stopped talking to everyone etc. But the moral of the story is, some men (no not all) but some especially if they were raised poorly, will use u, abuse u, be mean to u etc. I feel like i have to be on my guard, because this man seemed so nice in the beginning, and even the last time i talked to him he rationalized everything, and i acted like i was wrong and wierd for looking up his legal record! After everything he did to me, after essentially raping me because i lied and would have never i had known the truth. If you are a man reading this, and you are siding with the guy i dated, you have ISSUES WITH WOMEN< GET HELP! Karma will come, you will attract what you put out there, life should be lived with integrity, no woman deserves to be treated this way. I will take a bullet before i allow my daughter to go through what i went through. I might add, her dad is a great man, we didn’t work out, but he would never hurt a women, so there are good men out there. To the good men, don’t allow your friends to talk down to women or treat women poorly, or like animals, if you do you are in essence part of the problem and just as bad. Stand up for what is right!!!!! Anyways just had to vent all of that.

  13. Jackie Says:

    Obviously not all men are disrespectful, there are some amazing men who are out there who treat women with the respect and dignity that they deserve. Of course not all women are victims etc. and they could be the ones harming the men. But with that said, i have recently run into a lot of men who seem to have a natural bias towards women. I am a very strong woman, 23 years old, a mother, and studying at present to get my PhD in psychology, i love to talk about health and anything intellectual, but i find that some insecure men, try to break me down because my strength and intelligence threatens them. I ended up dating one man, who was much older than me, at first i thought he was a great guy because he was a single father, owned a construction company, and talked a good talk- but as time passed i realized that it was all a front. We ended up having sex sooner than i would have liked, we were drinking, (he was definitely interested in buying me drinks) i normally don’t drink that much and found myself more tipsy than usual and we went back to his truck and started making out, i specifically told him i did not want to have sex, but before i new it he was trying to \”get down\” i told him NO NO NO NO NO NO, get off me, stop, stop… but he acted as if he did not hear and finished off, the whole time i was pushing his dead weight off of me to not avail. On one hand i liked the guy so far, but i wanted to hold off on the sex, so i ignored his sexual aggression, which was not smart of me, but i guess i did not want to make a scene and be all dramatic. So anyways after that we continued to see each other and we would also usually have sex. He had two kids at home, and i also had a baby so we never went to each other’s homes, instead he would get hotels, I told him that i wanted to go to his home soon that the hotel thing felt weird to me, etc. but i didn’t want to rush him because of his kids. He acted like he was falling in love with me, begged me to let him meet my family but i said no it was too soon, talked about future vacations we would take, talked about combining finances, told me how amazing i was and acted in love etc. (mainly before or after sex), he even said he was going to start renting me an apartment so we could have a place to hang out until he was comfortable with me meeting his teen kids. OKAY you guys are thinking damn this chick got played, well i guess was being naive because i felt very infatuated with him etc. I am a very strong creative, talkative, intelligent, driven, beautiful, liberal type of gal, and i am going into psychology because i love to help people with their problems, i have had issues with codependency with men, in other words i have a \”broken picker.\” So this guy would tell me i talked too much when i talked about anything intellectual, to try and break me down, because he was insecure and wanted to feel strong. He admitted he was beat by his dad and his mother was beat by his dad growing up, but he told me her would never hit a girl. He was a wrestling coach for his son, and was definitely living through his son, since his own wrestling career didn’t work out, he told me he beat his kids and that he believes physical violence is a great way to solve most problems. He told me stories about living in the mid-west and corporal punishment in the schools, and how is own dad suggested that he spank his wife (now his ex) when she was disrespectful or bad. I saw this stuff as red flags….i am the yoga chick from Cali, all of that is not my style….but i had compassion, i blamed his behavior on his childhood, he would call women sluts, point out women’s butts and make comments at restaurants etc. I knew he was trying to disrespect me. One time, after we had been intimate, we talked about politics, he is very racist, has a \”whit pride\” tat and Nazi sign on his arm, but acted like it was more his thing when he was younger, i argued with him, trying to convince him that being racist was wrong, he brought up how Obama the nig** messed the economy up (it started with Bush, hello?!)–Anyways i would challenge him and his beliefs. After this i think he felt small, because he started play wrestling with me, and put me in a choke hold, but he was not playing around anymore, and i thought i was going to die couldn’t breath, i pushed him off, started crying, i was freaked out…he apologized, said he didn’t realize, and that he would never hurt me. The next day we talked, and he acted all sweet told me he would help me with a ticket i got etc. I told him i thought he needed therapy, and that i would go with him if he wanted, or else i could not see him anymore—he told me he would not go and that he did not want to “buy a car that was already broke”—referring to the relationship, and said “i know i am rough around the edges, but i am really a good person and great dad, i want i women who can accept me the way i am and not try and change me” he seemed rational when he said they, but when we would hnag out he sucked at communicating in a mature manner, after this conversation we agreed to stop seeing each other. The next day he called me and said \”hey lets be friends still, why don’t i take you out to dinner on Thursday\” i was stupid and said Yes, and he ends up calling and canceling on Thursday, because he wants to hang out with his guy friends and they don’t want him to bring sand to the beach. This pattern goes on for a month, i never called him, he would call me ask me out and then ditch on the day….very weird behavior. Finally i told him, stop contacting me–you are a liar, manipulator, etc. All of the sudden he was calling me off the hook and gave a bunch of excuse excuse excuses, he asked to take me out to breakfast, i wasn’t going to fall for that again, but the next day he called again and we ended up going. Breakfast was lame, he acted like even more of an asshole, while i sat their hardened waiting for an apology and for everything to be great again. I lost my phone and happily did not replace it so i stopped talking to him completing…..two months later i run into his best friend, who is another a-hole type, very loud mouthed and says terrible things about women, just out of jail. The friend who had gotten in legal trouble with the man i dated, starts bashing his friend, basically telling me \”you don’t know him, he is a pussy and a manipulator, did you ever go to his house? No? That is because he has a girlfriend of 6 years living there, he also had two more kids, and is paying me to take a felony charge for him, because he was practicing construction without a license\” etc. I was not surprised……………………….but i was hurt……………………i told the friend that i had looked up the guys legal record and saw the charges (i didn’t want to be with a rapist so i looked it up when i sensed he was lying) Anyways a week goes by……………………..the man i had dated calls me (somehow)……………i answer and tell him everything the friend had told me….he makes a lot of smooth excuses, is very charming, and basically weasels his way out of it, says he wants to be friends, and get some coffee. Anyways i was stupid and went, he told me that he called the friend who ratted him out, and the friend denied a lot of what he had told me, called me a slut, talked about screwing me in the back of a truck with a 6 pack of beers and that everyone could get in on it etc. basically a bunch of terrible stuff. The guy i was dating told me that his friend is an a-hole and liar etc. In reality they are two peas in a pod!!!!!! I did nothing wrong to either of these two men, in the end i stopped talking to everyone etc. But the moral of the story is, some men (no not all) but some especially if they were raised poorly, will use u, abuse u, be mean to u etc. I feel like i have to be on my guard, because this man seemed so nice in the beginning, and even the last time i talked to him he rationalized everything, and i acted like i was wrong and wierd for looking up his legal record! After everything he did to me, after essentially raping me because i lied and would have never i had known the truth. If you are a man reading this, and you are siding with the guy i dated, you have ISSUES WITH WOMEN< GET HELP! Karma will come, you will attract what you put out there, life should be lived with integrity, no woman deserves to be treated this way. I will take a bullet before i allow my daughter to go through what i went through. I might add, her dad is a great man, we didn’t work out, but he would never hurt a women, so there are good men out there. To the good men, don’t allow your friends to talk down to women or treat women poorly, or like animals, if you do you are in essence part of the problem and just as bad. Stand up for what is right!!!!! Anyways just had to vent all of that.

  14. Jackie Says:

    PART 1
    Obviously not all men are disrespectful, there are some amazing men who are out there who treat women with the respect and dignity that they deserve. Of course not all women are victims etc. and they could be the ones harming the men. But with that said, i have recently run into a lot of men who seem to have a natural bias towards women. I am a very strong woman, 23 years old, a mother, and studying at present to get my PhD in psychology, i love to talk about health and anything intellectual, but i find that some insecure men, try to break me down because my strength and intelligence threatens them. I ended up dating one man, who was much older than me, at first i thought he was a great guy because he was a single father, owned a construction company, and talked a good talk- but as time passed i realized that it was all a front. We ended up having sex sooner than i would have liked, we were drinking, (he was definitely interested in buying me drinks) i normally don’t drink that much and found myself more tipsy than usual and we went back to his truck and started making out, i specifically told him i did not want to have sex, but before i new it he was trying to \\\”get down\\\” i told him NO NO NO NO NO NO, get off me, stop, stop… but he acted as if he did not hear and finished off, the whole time i was pushing his dead weight off of me to not avail. On one hand i liked the guy so far, but i wanted to hold off on the sex, so i ignored his sexual aggression, which was not smart of me, but i guess i did not want to make a scene and be all dramatic. So anyways after that we continued to see each other and we would also usually have sex. He had two kids at home, and i also had a baby so we never went to each other’s homes, instead he would get hotels, I told him that i wanted to go to his home soon that the hotel thing felt weird to me, etc. but i didn’t want to rush him because of his kids. He acted like he was falling in love with me, begged me to let him meet my family but i said no it was too soon, talked about future vacations we would take, talked about combining finances, told me how amazing i was and acted in love etc. (mainly before or after sex), he even said he was going to start renting me an apartment so we could have a place to hang out until he was comfortable with me meeting his teen kids. (CONTINUED ON NEXT POST)

  15. jackie Says:

    PART 2
    OKAY you guys are thinking damn this chick got played, well i guess was being naive because i felt very infatuated with him etc. I am a very strong creative, talkative, intelligent, driven, beautiful, liberal type of gal, and i am going into psychology because i love to help people with their problems, i have had issues with codependency with men, in other words i have a”broken picker” So this guy would tell me i talked too much when i talked about anything intellectual, to try and break me down, because he was insecure and wanted to feel strong. He admitted he was beat by his dad and his mother was beat by his dad growing up, but he told me her would never hit a girl. He was a wrestling coach for his son, and was definitely living through his son, since his own wrestling career didn’t work out, he told me he beat his kids and that he believes physical violence is a great way to solve most problems. He told me stories about living in the mid-west and corporal punishment in the schools, and how is own dad suggested that he spank his wife (now his ex) when she was disrespectful or bad. I saw this stuff as red flags….i am the yoga chick from Cali, all of that is not my style….but i had compassion, i blamed his behavior on his childhood, he would call women sluts, point out women’s butts and make comments at restaurants etc. I knew he was trying to disrespect me. One time, after we had been intimate, we talked about politics, he is very racist, has a “white pride” tat and Nazi sign on his arm, but acted like it was more his thing when he was younger, i argued with him, trying to convince him that being racist was wrong, he brought up how Obama the nig** messed the economy up (it started with Bush, hello?!)–Anyways i would challenge him and his beliefs. After this i think he felt small, because he started play wrestling with me, and put me in a choke hold, but he was not playing around anymore, and i thought i was going to die couldn’t breath, i pushed him off, started crying, i was freaked out…he apologized, said he didn’t realize, and that he would never hurt me. The next day we talked, I told him i thought he needed therapy, and that i would go with him if he wanted, or else i could not see him anymore—he told me he would not go and that he did not want to “buy a car that was already broke”—referring to the relationship, and said “i know i am rough around the edges, but i am really a good person and great dad, i want i women who can accept me the way i am and not try and change me” he seemed rational when he said they, but when we would hang out he sucked at communicating in a mature manner, after this conversation we agreed to stop seeing each other. The next day he called me and said “hey lets be friends still, why don’t i take you out to dinner on Thursday” i was stupid and said Yes, and he ends up calling and canceling on Thursday, because he wants to hang out with his guy friends and they don’t want him to bring sand to the beach. This pattern goes on for a month, i never called him, he would call me ask me out and then ditch on the day….very weird behavior. Finally i told him, stop contacting me–you are a liar, manipulator, etc. All of the sudden he was calling me off the hook and gave a bunch of excuse excuse excuses, he asked to take me out to breakfast, i wasn’t going to fall for that again, but the next day he called again and we ended up going. Breakfast was lame, he acted like even more of an asshole, while i sat their hardened waiting for an apology and for everything to be great again. I lost my phone and happily did not replace it so i stopped talking to him completing, two months later i run into his best friend, who is another a-hole type, very loud mouthed and says terrible things about women, just out of jail. The friend who had gotten in legal trouble with the man i dated, starts bashing his friend, basically telling me “you don’t know him, he is a pussy and a manipulator, did you ever go to his house? No? That is because he has a girlfriend of 6 years living there, he also had two more kids, and is paying me to take a felony charge for him, because he was practicing construction without a license” etc. I was not surprised, but i was hurt, i told the friend that i had looked up the guys legal record and saw the charges (i didn’t want to be with a rapist so i looked it up when i sensed he was lying) Anyways a week goes by–the man i had dated calls me (somehow)–i answer and tell him everything the friend had told me, he makes a lot of smooth excuses, is very charming, and basically weasels his way out of it, says he wants to be friends, and get some coffee. Anyways i was stupid and went, he told me that he called the friend who ratted him out, and the friend denied a lot of what he had told me, called me a slut, talked about screwing me in the back of a truck with a 6 pack of beers and that everyone could get in on it etc. basically a bunch of terrible stuff. The guy i was dating told me that his friend is an a-hole and liar etc. In reality they are two peas in a pod!!!!!! I did nothing wrong to either of these two men, in the end i stopped talking to everyone etc. But the moral of the story is, some men (no not all) but some especially if they were raised poorly, will use u, abuse u, be mean to u etc. I feel like i have to be on my guard, because this man seemed so nice in the beginning, and even the last time i talked to him he rationalized everything, and i acted like i was wrong and wierd for looking up his legal record! After everything he did to me, after essentially raping me because i lied and would have never i had known the truth. If you are a man reading this, and you are siding with the guy i dated, you have ISSUES WITH WOMEN< GET HELP! Karma will come, you will attract what you put out there, life should be lived with integrity, no woman deserves to be treated this way. I will take a bullet before i allow my daughter to go through what i went through. I might add, her dad is a great man, we didn’t work out, but he would never hurt a women, so there are good men out there. To the good men, don’t allow your friends to talk down to women or treat women poorly, or like animals, if you do you are in essence part of the problem and just as bad. Stand up for what is right!!!!!

  16. jackie Says:

    PART 2
    OKAY you guys are thinking damn this chick got played, well i guess was being naive because i felt very infatuated with him etc. I am a very strong creative, talkative, intelligent, driven, beautiful, liberal type of gal, and i am going into psychology because i love to help people with their problems, i have had issues with codependency with men, in other words i have a\”broken picker\” So this guy would tell me i talked too much when i talked about anything intellectual, to try and break me down, because he was insecure and wanted to feel strong. He admitted he was beat by his dad and his mother was beat by his dad growing up, but he told me her would never hit a girl. He was a wrestling coach for his son, and was definitely living through his son, since his own wrestling career didn’t work out, he told me he beat his kids and that he believes physical violence is a great way to solve most problems. He told me stories about living in the mid-west and corporal punishment in the schools, and how is own dad suggested that he spank his wife (now his ex) when she was disrespectful or bad. I saw this stuff as red flags….i am the yoga chick from Cali, all of that is not my style….but i had compassion, i blamed his behavior on his childhood, he would call women sluts, point out women’s butts and make comments at restaurants etc. I knew he was trying to disrespect me. One time, after we had been intimate, we talked about politics, he is very racist, has a \”white pride\” tat and Nazi sign on his arm, but acted like it was more his thing when he was younger, i argued with him, trying to convince him that being racist was wrong, he brought up how Obama the nig** messed the economy up (it started with Bush, hello?!)–Anyways i would challenge him and his beliefs. After this i think he felt small, because he started play wrestling with me, and put me in a choke hold, but he was not playing around anymore, and i thought i was going to die couldn’t breath, i pushed him off, started crying, i was freaked out…he apologized, said he didn’t realize, and that he would never hurt me. The next day we talked, I told him i thought he needed therapy, and that i would go with him if he wanted, or else i could not see him anymore—he told me he would not go and that he did not want to “buy a car that was already broke”—referring to the relationship, and said “i know i am rough around the edges, but i am really a good person and great dad, i want i women who can accept me the way i am and not try and change me” he seemed rational when he said they, but when we would hang out he sucked at communicating in a mature manner, after this conversation we agreed to stop seeing each other. The next day he called me and said \”hey lets be friends still, why don’t i take you out to dinner on Thursday\” i was stupid and said Yes, and he ends up calling and canceling on Thursday, because he wants to hang out with his guy friends and they don’t want him to bring sand to the beach. This pattern goes on for a month, i never called him, he would call me ask me out and then ditch on the day….very weird behavior. Finally i told him, stop contacting me–you are a liar, manipulator, etc. All of the sudden he was calling me off the hook and gave a bunch of excuse excuse excuses, he asked to take me out to breakfast, i wasn’t going to fall for that again, but the next day he called again and we ended up going. Breakfast was lame, he acted like even more of an asshole, while i sat their hardened waiting for an apology and for everything to be great again. I lost my phone and happily did not replace it so i stopped talking to him completing.

  17. Iann Says:

    This article is BS. If you or someone you know are being disrespected then you are being ABUSED! Go to an ALANON meeting. Get help. No one deserves to be treated like an object no matter who they are or what kind of unconscious bargain basement ideas there are.

    You are no authority on this subject and women looking for information should look somewhere else. Go to an ALANON meeting!! Learn about abuse from people in recovery!

    Don’t ever let yourself be disrespected. Everyone matters.

  18. why Says:

    Men are disrepecful they should kill them all and start over

  19. stephanie harrison Says:

    woman be careful for cheeters//theres bigger things going on//they have a woman on the side and start selling there mates stuff after theyve used you in every way they kill you for a life insurance policy make no mistake police also want to be rich someday near or after retirement

  20. stephanie harrison Says:

    when youve met a real ass terrorist//bazzaroworld trans.in assasan language//when your put in mental health they computerize your equalibrium and things get bazzar..united states is prision cattle//they purchase people to go down and serve their time..debbie renalds made me go down for her and the redding police filed the fake warrant

  21. Alison Says:

    Haha jackie is the funniest chick ever


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