The Blunders of Being Female

June 3, 2008 by Sheridan Truth  
Published in Women

A how-to guide to feel sexy, confident, and get results in the dating world.

Okay, ladies, how often do you bemoan womanhood? You’re period started when you didn’t have any pads or tampons, and you stained your sexiest pair of underwear. You meet this great guy, he’s handsome, sensitive, and listens to you with a sympathetic ear. Only later you find out “Romeo” isn’t looking for Juliet. He’s looking for Julio. Yep, he’s gay. Go figure, right?

What about the time you decide, as a woman, you should know how to cook? You get out that recipe book that has been collecting dust for years and plan a meal to die for. Only you preheat the oven to four hundred degrees instead of three hundred, and you burn it. Plus, the gravy comes out goopy, the rolls are as hard as rocks, and your oven still smells like smoke. Remember that?

Then there was that time you decided to dye your own hair, probably some sexy shad that would turn heads. Only, you’ve never dyed your own hair. You start the process of applying gunk to your hair. Oops, a large dollop of hair goop lands right on your boob. No sweat, you swipe it off and continue. You’re finally done and have to wait the recommended twenty-five to thirty minutes before rinsing. You decide to let it stay in a little longer for extra effect. Finally, you rinse and dry your hair. When you look in the mirror, expecting to see a new you-it’s your worst nightmare. Your hair is purple, or orange, or green. Not the color on the box. To add insult to injury, you have a stripe across the side of your head where you completely missed during the application process, not to mention the four or five spots on the other side where you missed some more. It gets worse. When you’re changing clothes so you can make the shameful run to a hair salon you realize that glob that fell on your boob stained your bra and the skin underneath. Any of this familiar?

Every time something like this happens, you’re thinking something along the lines of: “I hate being a woman.”

Why do we think this? Because we like to feel beautiful and womanly. It should be simple. We have all the right anatomical parts. We are women! Who better to feel womanly than a woman?! It’s our job to be womanly. The beautiful part is a littler harder to accomplish. There are so many layers to being beautiful. First you have to find your best features and bring them out, either through cosmetics, clothing, or accessories. They you fix up or minimize your lesser features. So you wear that corset or buy that perfect hair color. You twist and squeeze and pant your way into a pair of jeans that cuts you in half but makes your butt look great. You pluck stray hairs, shave until you’re raw, and do everything imaginable in the ways of self-torture to attain this idea of beauty.

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