Single and 30: Have no Fear!

When we were kids, we often talked about our futures and those futures always contained husbands and children.  We planned our weddings down to the colour of the bridesmaids’ dresses and the flowers in our bouquets.  We populated our fairy tale homes with imaginary kids and even named them.

Well, I have reached a milestone this year.  My last remaining single friend has just announced her engagement.  Now, every one of my friends will have fulfilled their childhood dream to be married, and most of them have children as well.  I’m 35, single and childless.  Am I afraid?  Sometimes I am – I have to admit that.  I love my life, and I definitely make the most of being single, but sometimes, on bad days, I imagine being old and alone, with no one to care for me or visit me in the twilight of my life, no children and grandchildren to take joy in, no partner to enjoy my retirement with.  There are those days when I come home from work, tired and stressed and long for someone to share my evening with and to unload some of my burdens on.  Sometimes, I would just like for someone else to have made a meal and put it on the table ready for me!

And then I shake myself back to reality and take stock of what’s great in my life.  Being single gives you an immense amount of freedom that married people don’t have.  I recently made a huge career change that involved giving up my job and my home and moving to another country to work for a children’s charity.  Could I have done that if I had to consider a husband and children?  Probably not.

Living alone means that I can spend my time however suits me.  On Saturdays, I stay in bed as late as I want.  I can watch whatever I want on TV, come and go as I please and eat what I feel like.  There are no remote control wars in my house!  I never have to iron somebody else’s clothes, wait to use the bathroom or sit at the faucet end of the bath.  Both sides of the bed are completely mine!

Being single does not mean being lonely.  I have many, many friends of all ages, and they include me in their family lives so that I have become honorary ‘Aunty’ to more children than I would ever have dreamed of having.  I get all the best parts of other people’s children – trips to the cinema and the park, popcorn nights in front of the TV, day trips during the school holidays – and I never have to deal with tantrums or change any nappies.  My friends aren’t available to come out much in the evenings any more, but, being single, I am able to re-arrange my time to visit them whenever they are free.  I find it much easier to keep up with my married friends than they do with each other as they try to juggle all their family commitments.

Looking at marriage relationships from the outside, I have had the chance to observe the realities of married life objectively, and I have learnt a lot.  While marriage can be great, it is also incredibly hard work.  I have heard young women say that they would rather be in a bad relationship than no relationship at all.  How terribly sad.  Anyone who has sat with a distraught friend while they try to figure out what they should do about their bad marriage would never say that again.  There’s really no such thing as greener grass.

Would I still like my childhood dream to come true?  Of course I would!  I haven’t taken a lifelong vow of singleness by any means, and under the right circumstances I would love to be married.  I still know what colour my bridesmaids’ dresses would be and what flowers I would have in my bouquet!  But I also know that I don’t need a man to make me a complete person.  The years I have spent as a single woman have taught me that whatever lifestyle you choose, if you always rely on someone else to make you feel complete, you will always be disappointed.

A single life isn’t a second-best life.  It doesn’t have to be what someone settles for because they weren’t picked out of the lineup yet.  If you’re into your 30s and still single, don’t waste your time pining for what you haven’t got.  Instead, take hold of what you do have with both hands and get as much joy out of it as you can.  After all, you don’t know what tomorrow will bring – next year you might be married!