Ouch: Ten Things Said About Men

Jayne Mansfield

“Men are creatures with two legs and eight hands.”

Not exactly the first person you would think of if asked to name the forefront feminists of the twentieth century, Mansfield (1933 – 1967) was an American Broadyway and Hollywood actress. She was one of those 1950s platinum blonds and appeared several times in Playboy. Janet Jackson may think she got there first but Mansfield was continuously revealing her breasts in public ever, ever so accidentally don’t you know! Such great parts of her public persona were here mammaries that appearing once on a TV chat show she was introduced with the words, “And here they are, Jayne Mansfield”. At the age of 34 she lost her head completely. Yet another Hollywood car crash I’m afraid!

Mae West

“Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.”

The woman who famously never said “come up and see me some time”, West was made famous by her own risqué reputation and her uncanny ability to see a double entendre almost anywhere. Starting in Vaudeville she moved to Hollywood and appeared in numerous films. She returned to the stage in later life when the cinema roles dried up and even had a go at recording a few rock and roll albums.

H L Mencken

“Masculinity and stupidity are often indistinguishable.”

Mencken (1880 – 1956) was the author of “The American Language” a seminal study in how the English language is spoken in America. It was many volumes in length and its contents – about how Americans speak English – can be summed up in one word. Badly. Accused of racism and anti-Semitism during his own life it’s my opinion that he said most things to provoke thought. Kind of a literary shock jock, if you like.

Roseanne Barr

“The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.”

Barr (born 1952 and still very much with us) is an American comedienne much given to abusing men about virtually every aspect of their being. She was born in Salt Lake City to a Jewish family, which must have been fun. One thing that not many know about her is that she was the originator of the phrase “Domestic Goddess”. Mostly known for her eponymous TV comedy, Barr is still close friends with most of the cast despite the show being over for many years.

Jean Kerr

“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a
long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but
it doesn’t always go with everything in the house.”

Kerr (1922 – 2003) was the author of “Please Don’t Eat The Daisies” which looked ironically at suburban life. Unfortunately it was made in to a film starring Doris Day. She had six children with the same husband, so perhaps diluting the scorn of the above quotation a little! As with many writers she wrote about what she knew. Most of her later writing was about her family and those funny little everyday happenings. Yawn.

Kathy Lette

“Why do men like intelligent women? Because opposites attract.”

Lette (1958 – present) is from Australia so she should know a thing or two about stupid men. She writes novels and sitcoms and is probably best known for “Mad Cows” starring Joanna Lumley. Perhaps as a response to the continual stereotyping of Australians in the British media she often portrays English people as distinctly unfriendly and condescending. Many people think she actively dislikes men – and who could blame them? However, Lette is married and has two children with TV host Geoffrey Robertson.

Helen Rowland

“The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.”

Meow. This is the woman who famously said “The chief excitement of a woman’s life consists in spotting woman who are fatter than she is.” So, a few odd digs at men is expected. Rowland (1875 – 1950) was in her day perhaps the best known female columnist in the United States.

Rita Mae Brown

“If Michelangelo had been heterosexual the Sistine Chapel would have been painted basic white and with a roller.”

Do not argue with this woman. Brown (1960 – present) straddles politics like a big straddly thing. She has been active in various feminist, Civil Rights, gay liberation and anti-war movements. She took parting the famous gay Stonewall Riot on the night of the death of Judy Garland and has stated that she sees heterosexuality as the starting point of all oppression. She has views. And with two degrees and a doctorate probably isn’t worth arguing with unless you’re Einstein or something.

Julie Burchill (from Time Out)

“A good part – and definitely the most fun part – about being a
feminist is about frightening men …Of course there’s a lot more to
feminism… but scaring the s**t out of the scumbags is an amusing and
necessary part because, sadly, a good many men still respect nothing
but strength.”

Another lady it is wise not to pick a fight with, Burchill (1959 – present) made her name as a teenage writer for the New Musical Express. She has written a variety of books and TV series to some critical acclaim. She has had two husbands and a son by each of them, who both live with their father. Go figure. She also had a lesbian affair with a Charlotte Raven and promptly then married Raven’s brother (a lot younger than Burchill, a LOT). She was voted number 84 in a recent poll called “The 100 Worst Britons”. Some people like her, though. Honestly.

Germaine Greer

“Probably the only place where a man can feel really secure is a
maximum security prison, except for the imminent threat of release.”

Greer (1939 – present) was born in Australia and many people thoroughly wish she had stayed there. Although regarded as one of the foremost feminists of the late twentieth century her acerbic tongue has offended as many as she has delighted. In her later life she has become something of a TV talking head – and pops up on many shows that her younger self would no doubt have despised.