No More Secrets

August 5, 2010 by CrystalMarie  
Published in Women

Ponders the hostility women feel for one another…the lack of compassion, understanding, and kindness.

It’s 2 am and I can’t sleep. I’m pondering something. I’ve been wondering this for years now, but lately this question has really been riding me. Why are women so cruel and judgemental of each other?? Why are we so crappy towards one another? Really, what’s the deal with this? 

Not following what I’m saying?  Allow me to give an example…

 Woman A  has an abortion but is able to keep anyone else from finding out about it.  Woman B also has an abortion but somehow other people find out about it, including Woman A. So now woman A is talking about Woman B…judging her…snubbing her…gossiping about her. What gives??  This may seem like an extreme example…but it’s accurate in conveying my point.

What is my point?? 

  My point is that women…all of us…are going through the same things…having the same experiences….dealing with the same drama…learning some of the same lessons…healing from some of the same wounds. And if we haven’t gone through the experience personally…someone we know and love has. It seems that these experiences would bring us together…allow us to be more understanding…and feel compassion for one another. But sadly, no.

Why is this?

Well…I have a theory. Privacy. I believe our need for privacy is really our need for secrecy, which is really our need to hide something we feel ashamed of or guilty about…and in hiding something out of guilt and shame we separate ourselves from each other. So basically…we’re carrying all of this stuff around with us…hurt, frustration, anger, shame…and in order to distance ourselves from it…when we come across someone who is going through a similar experience we demonize her. Because Woman A’s abortion is still a secret…she can say to herself that her abortion was unavoidable…she had to have it…her baby’s father has the sickle cell anemia trait and so does she…so she had to have an abortion for medical reasons….while that baby killing Woman B just wasn’t ready to be a mom. I believe that if Woman A’s abortion was out in the open it would encourage open dialogue and healing…and Woman A would see that even though the circumstances are a little different… Woman B didn’t want to have an abortion any more than she did…because no woman just wants to have an abortion…which makes Woman A and Woman B the same.  Our secrets…our attempt to hide from one another…allows us to carry on in a perpetual state of denial that separates us from each other…whereas if there were no secrets…we’d have to face things…talk about them…see them for what they are…and we’d be able to heal/help each other.

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