Wedding Proposal Disaster

It’s the big night.  You are proposing marriage.  Here is one proposal that is headed for disaster.

“Darling, you have been by my side for over three years.  We’ve shared the good times and the bad. You have been my rock, my foundation, my cement truck. You have lifted me up when I was down. Sorry about your recent back strain.  I know that I am not as light as I used to be.  It’s been your home cooking.  Okay, gaining fifty pounds in fifty days is a bit much.  Really, is it my fault?  I mean you tempt me with your rich, fat, creamy desserts.  I can’t resist them.  And darling, you have been ever faithful to me since the first day I met you.  Oh sure, I’ve had wandering eyes. I mean, what man hasn’t?  But you are my hammer, my wrench, my nuts and bolts.  By the way, there is a leak in the bathroom sink.  Can you fix it?  Oh sory, I got carried away. I mean, I am all thumbs. I couldn’t even change a light bulb without something terrible happening afterwards.  Now as I was saying, dearest one, love of my life,  licker of my dreams, you are the only one for me.  I’m asking, no I’m telling, no I’m asking that you marry me.  This is my final offer. It is not negotiable. Say yes, oh excuse me, I’ve got to go to the bathroom.  It’s urgent.  Just hold your thought and tell me after I have taken a leak. By the way, I need to have an answer at once.  If you say no, I can still take back the ring tomorrow.”