Halloween: Time to Scare His Pants Off

October 13, 2008 by carol itoh  
Published in Holidays

It’s the time of year to scare up some fun with your partner.

 Ladies, it is that time of the year again. Yes, the time has come to throw a little fear into the hearts of every man out there. I figure why the hell not, after all Burton Cummings, of The Guess Who, thinks a witch is the worst thing a woman can be so it must be his worst nightmare. Therefore any misogynist out there you know still harbors fears any woman who knows the black arts and can slap a whammie on him at any given moment. In such cases it shows their ignorance’s and thus gives you the power.

So here are a few suggestions to freak out any man who has been giving you a difficult time lately. Make soup or chili for supper and just as he pulls into the driveway drop in a few pieces of dry ice. It should be fogging up nicely as he enters the kitchen and make sure you are stirring the kettle, try to use an old beat up one for special effects if you can, and try mumbling something like “Boil Boil, Toil and Trouble, give him back his…..” turn to him as if you just noticed him standing there, “Oh honey, wash up, the chili’s ready!” And smile at him like you have a secret and he is just about to find it out. He will be bugging you all night about what you put in his chili. IF he eats any! BTW, dry ice is available anywhere this time of year just read the instruction before using. With all that smoke rolling off of it, it makes a real dramatic statement and messes with his head.

Another effective parlor trick is to let him come in on you while you are holding a candle and whispering over the flames as if reciting a spell. Make it sound good but something he would not recognize. When he asks what you were doing just smile and say “oh nothing, just some unfinished business!” and laugh it off. Later ask him how he feels. If he says fine wait an hour or so and ask him again. If after about the third time or so if he keeps saying fine, let him catch you being a candle whisperer again, I bet by then even the most thick headed of men will start to say they hurt somewhere and demand to know what you said to the candle!

There is a cheap and accurate old adage that salt sprinkled around the parameters of the house or property will keep it safe from evil spirits and witches. Just tell him you need his help in making sure the house and grounds are properly salted to keep the place free from bad spirits and tell him if he doesn’t help you will write his name on a piece of paper, bury it outside the property line to ensure the evil ones know that he is the one they want, and you will refuse to protect him at the risk of the rest of the family. That should get his ass in gear.

Any one of these actions should keep him in line for a little while. At least until well after Halloween. How well he treats you and for how long is entirely up to you. You are fifty percent of any relationship and like any good partnership you must have half the say about how it is run. If you do not than you are being cheated and robbed. And since a man does not fear a woman physically (usually) …than your only hope may be to get the upper hand mentally. This works on anyone who is a disturbance to your peace of mind. Reclaim yourself! John Lennon said it best in his song, Mind Games! Happy Halloween!

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