10 Christmas Gifts That Show You Aren’t Even Trying

1. Socks

If you’re a man (especially a dad or granddad) then you probably get a fair few pairs of these every year. These can range from O.K. ordinary plain black or navy blue in 100% wool or cotton, to horrible man-made fabric pairs with nasty-looking Christmas snowflakes or pictures of Homer Simpson printed on them.

2. Gloves

The female equivalent of number 1. If you’re a mum or grandma then you can expect to receive at least one pair of these every Christmas. Again, the quality of these can vary enormously from good quality leather or sheepskin (which are, to be fair, useful) to hopeless (and extremely useless at keeping out the cold) pairs in bright red acrylic or vinyl.

3. Gift set of cosmetics or toiletries

Nothing says the person hasn’t bothered more than when you unwrap your gift and find one of those sets that cosmetic/toiletry manufacturers make every year especially for the Christmas market. If you’re a man, it’ll probably contain soap, aftershave, shower gel and maybe some masculine sounding moisturiser. If you’re a woman, it’ll contain bath oil or salts, perfume, some body lotion and (bizarrely) a scented candle.

4. A CD or DVD of seasonal songs/carols

Sounds like a good idea, doesn’t it? The person receiving it will open it on Christmas morning, load it into their machine and immediately invigorate their home with a happy and warm seasonal atmosphere. Not. Unfortunately, what will really happen is they’ll open it and put it with the other 20 they’ve received over the last few years and make (another) mental note to either take them to the charity shop or put them in a garage sale. Everyone has already been bombarded with these songs every time they’ve stepped into a shop during the run up to Christmas (which starts in August). They want to be spared them on Christmas day.

5. Bottle of port/liquor/champagne

When all else fails, give a bottle of something alcoholic. Well, it’s OK but it hardly shows much thought does it? Generally, on the run up to Christmas, most people have already ensured that their drinks cabinets are full to bursting so they don’t really need anymore. Also, when they’re opening their gifts of Christmas morning, the chances are they’ll be badly hungover, so a bottle of alcohol will be the last thing they want to see.

6. Tin of biscuits

Along with buying far too much alcohol, as mentioned in number 5, most people will have bought enough food to last 12 months, never mind the 12 days of Christmas. So, the last thing they want is even more food – and food loaded with sugar and chocolate too. Also, like number 3, the tin of biscuits has been put together for you by a company, so smacks of little effort by the giver. The manufacturer may have even stuck a vaguely seasonal image on the tin’s lid, which adds to the general feeling of lack of care.

7. ‘Comedy’ mug

These are given in their thousands, maybe millions, every year. Many will have some of the old, old comedy lines on them, such as the hilarious ‘I’m no mug’ or ‘It may look like coffee but its neat bourbon’. Hmm. Otherwise, they might have whatever character is currently ‘in’ stuck on the side (The Joker, The Hulk etc. etc.). If you’re really unlucky, they might play a little tune when you pick them up or even say something. Once again, seasonally themed ones add to the over all ‘no effort’ status of this gift.

8. Gift Token/Certificate

This could possibly be the worst of all gifts because it clearly shows that you haven’t even tried to find something, however unsuitable or tasteless, in the store. The giver has just walked up to the cash register and pulled out their money or credit card. OK, the receiver does have the opportunity of going out to buy their own gift but what if the store the token has been bought from is totally unsuitable? No wonder then, that in a recent British survey, it was shown that almost 25% of these gift tokens are never redeemed.

9. Scarves/Ties

These are a more general version of number 1 and 2. Scarves for women and ties for men. Whereas number 1 or 2 are usually given to a close relative, scarves and ties are usually reserved for distant relatives, neighbours or work colleagues. Why is this? What makes a tie more general than a pair of socks? Anyway, just like their sock and glove relatives, these can vary enormously from the passable i.e. a silk tie or a cashmere scarf (if you’re infinitely lucky) to the absolutely awful. I’m not sure who does worse here: the woman who receives a cheap scarf that will ‘bobble’ after a day’s wear or the man who has to suffer the hideous ‘comedy’ tie that is dangerously flammable.

10. A calendar for next year

Well, Christmas is over, swiftly followed by New Year. Time to put up at least one of the six calendars you received as presents. So, you hang one in the kitchen, one in the garage, one in the office, one in the conservatory, one in the – wait! That’s enough calendars! How many pictures of kittens, rainforests of the world, classic sports cars and capital cities by night do you really want to look at? Also, the horrible nature of the pictures aside, who really uses calendars these days? Don’t our phones, organisers, computers and diaries have then built in???

Merry Christmas!

Enjoy your Christmas shopping.