It’s That Time: Shopping for Swimwear

It’s that time again.

Time to go shopping.

Not for a car. Or for a house. Not even for a spouse. This shopping is more time consuming than touring real estate. Harder on the self esteem than trolling “singles’” places.

It’s time to buy…

A SWIMSUIT.

It doesn’t SOUND hard, does it? You just walk in, pick out something that looks good, and buy it.

Simple.

And most clothes buying IS pretty simple. But not this.

No, the swimsuit is in a league of its own. First, you wander in, looking unconcerned, when really, you HATE being there. Then, you take a few suits off the rack. This part is very important. You absolutely MUST act as if you are (1) having a great time—even though you’d rather be run over by a truck and (2) your eyes aren’t going to fly out of your head at how teeny-tiny the crazy things look! You have to pretend you could fit into anything—even if it IS the size of your elbow.

Okay, you’ve made it to the fitting room. Now, you’re in a suit. Tell yourself:

You look FABULOUS!

This is important. This is necessary. Ignore the the mud flaps hanging out every where.

Finally, the fitting is over. The decision has been made. There is one more thing you must make sure to do. Put your clothes on BEFORE you look at the price tag. Trust me, it’s simply too embarrassing when the firemen get there, if you’re still naked. And for some strange reason, the store clerks always call the fire department when people faint or scream in the store.

Yes, swimsuit-buying time is here again. But just follow these simple guidelines, and it will be a breeze.

Trust me.