Why Your Man or Husband is Cheating – and What You Can Do About It

Alas it’s true when it comes to cheating–research has shown that about 60 percent of partners, even husbands, have taken up cheating at some point during their marriages.  But why, what reasons do they give for this? Here are the top 8 reasons men give for their indiscretions. Once she knows what they are, a woman can make sure HER man is not going to be one to cheat. Why would he?  She’ll make sure she gives him everything he needs right there at home.  After all, cheating is a choice–she’ll make sure he simply chooses to be with her.

Reason 1: She’s no longer attractive.

It’s easy to understand. She is busy running after the kids, trying to keep her job going and there’s all those chores to be done too. It’s no wonder she might not be able to keep herself in shape the way she once did.  Ironically, a man who hasn’t kept himself in great shape may be demanding that SHE nonetheless still keep herself beautiful for him. 

What a woman can do:  tell him you like it when he tells you you look pretty or tells you how much he appreciates you.  Explain it will make you feel happy and when you feel happy you’ll want to do more things for HIM.

Reason 2: The intimacy’s gone

Remember how you could spend hours just talking about anything and everything?  Now all you seem to communicate about is the kids, the bills and what needs to be fixed around the house. Romance that once sizzled now seems to have fizzled – out.  This can make a man feel indifferent and nothing makes a man turn elsewhere more than feeling there’s no connection between you.

What a woman can do:  have a “date” together once a week.  Even if it’s only going out for a drink together for a couple of hours, make it a rule you cannot talk about the kids, the  house or those never-ending bills while you are out.  It won’t take long before you’ll be able to concentrate on each other and that can make for a more satisfying relationship.

Reason 3:  Oh she’s such a nag

One of the fastest ways for a woman to drive her man into the arms of someone else is to constantly nag him. She probably doesn’t mean to do. She just assumes he has selective hearing and needs “reminding” or things will never get fixed.  So she lets him know again and again that something has been left undone.  But this is a mistake.  Your man will only see this as nagging and nothing makes him run faster into the arms of a more “understanding” woman than the sounds of his partner going on.  And on.

What a woman can do:  try to ask him if there is a problem with a job getting finished (or started).  Ask him: “What do you think about mending the leaking faucet?  Do you prefer to do it yourself or do you think we should just get in a plumber.  I want the easiest option for you”  If you combine it with your date night things might just be more relaxed for both of you.  Or try making a compromise.  “You asked me to sew up some of your ripped jeans. Why don’t I do that while you go ahead and fix that leaking faucet or call a plumber?”

Reason 4: You’re living different lives

Once you used to do everything together, but now you are off in different directions. Some freedom is good – you don’t want to live in each other’s pockets after all,  but living separate lives can be like pushing him away.  Straight into the arms of someone else.

What a woman can do: talk about your different activities so the other person knows what you are doing and talk about some of the other people in the groups you have joined. Even better, introduce your partner to them or invite them over for drinks or a dinner.  That way your man won’t feel threatened by the group.  Be sure to have some activities that you do together as a couple.

Reason 5: Can’t help it, it’s instinct

Well it might be that men are born to hunt – even hunting other women, but most men have the sense to know that the instinct to mate with as many women as possible is just not worth the loss of a cherished longtime partner. Don’t let him use biology as an excuse – instead remind him that cheating is a choice and one he doesn’t have to make.

What a woman can do: if you keep yourself interesting and a little unpredictable, he won’t have time to look at anyone else.  Surprise him sexually and he’ll be too busy coming back for more to look elsewhere.

Note: If you’re not actually married to the guy, look for signs that a wandering eye may be in his future. See how he reacts in a roomful of women.  Does he only have eyes for you or is he surveying the crowd?  A man who doesn’t have eyes just for you may be trouble later on.  Why accept a future that means problems? Be aware of the signs and decide you’re worth more early on.

Reason 6:  Passion’s all but gone

It’s not surprising with everyday worries going on that a relationship should lose it’s sparkle.  Somehow just being together and staring into each other’s eyes is no longer all you ever need (though once it was, remember?).  A man who feels his relationship has become ho-hum, might find himself looking at other women for more fun.

What a woman can do: now’s the time to order some of that special lingerie you’ve seen in catalogs.  Lacy underwear (or no underwear), black stockings and high heels have long been known as turn-ons for a man. And with good reason. Quite simply they work.  This is a good way for a man’s imagination to run riot. So go on, let him fantasize. You’ll both reap the benefits.

Reason 7:  He’s just plain mad at ya

Maybe he didn’t like the way you looked at your co-worker at the Christmas party last year.  Maybe he doesn’t like the way you spend more times with the kids than you do with him.  Maybe he’s just angry at you or at life in general. He sees having an affair with another woman as a way to “escape” the life he has.

What a woman can do:  if you’ve noticed a change in your partner and talking to him doesn’t seem to get you anywhere, it may be time to seek counseling.  If the above strategies don’t seem to have helped, then realize the problem is with him, not necessarily with you.  He made need professional help.  If he won’t go, try going yourself and getting advice.

Reason 8: He’s feeling less than appreciated

Dr. M. Gary Neuman said recently on an Oprah Winfrey show that he’d interviewed cheating men.  Wanna know what they gave as their main reason for cheating?  “The majority (of cheaters) said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling under-appreciated”, says Dr. Neuman  Yes, it’s hard to believe that the GUY feels unappreciated when the woman is working, taking care of kids, doing housework and is usually exhausted to boot.  But ladies, that’s the reality of it.

What a woman can do: this answer is easy, even if you don’t like it at first. Going through life feeling unloved and appreciated is no way to live for anyone.  Show your man that he’s appreciated and valued.  Even if you have to fake it to begin with, know that if you offer it first, you’ll get it offered in return. ( If you don’t, could be time to reassess your relationship altogether.)   A guy who feels appreciated and valued won’t need to go outside the relationship to get it from someone else.

At the end of the day, using the above strategies, a woman will know she’s done everything to make sure that when cheating is a choice, her man or her husband chooses to stay with her. Very often a man has an affair because he is looking for something he is not getting at home.  A wise woman can make sure he does indeed get what he needs at home – right there with her.