When No Means No

  Has this ever happened to you. Your at church or a book store or a park and a guy starts hitting on you. You aren’t being judgmental or mean but you know right off the bat that this poor man has no chance with you. You aren’t the type of woman that could be described as an attention leech, nor do you have any desire to lead this poor man on. You smile and politely decline whatever offer this man has made.

  In some cases the man will leave in a huff about you not giving him a chance. In many cases a man will take the hit and gracefully bow out. If however you are like me you will end up with the guy that feels you are just saying no because you’re playing hard to get. There are few ways to deal with this that come off polite and of those fewer that work. So what do you do?

  First, If you really aren’t playing hard to get, never, never, Never cave. Do not give him you number. Do not say some other time. Do not give him any indication that you might possibly think about it. You don’t have to be mean to do this. You just have to be firm. A simple thanks but no is always the best. He can’t interpret it to mean something else. He can’t mistake it for a maybe or later. No means no. It can’t mean anything else.

  Next control your body language to match your verbal message. Perhaps you feel bad or embarrassed to have to tell the guy no. That’s fine, but don’t let it show in your body language. Discomfort is shown in body language by not making eye contact, folding of the arms and fidgeting. That is also the same body language for being shy or unsure of yourself. If the latter is how your body language comes across the guy may try to encourage you to change your mind. Once again you don’t have to be mean. You can still say thank you and no. You can even smile, but make sure you look him in the eye. Taking one step away from him and shaking your head, though small are also helpful.

  These two techniques usually work on their own. That is because for the most part men just want a clear message and then they want to be respectful. This however is not always the case.  While it’s true that some men are just trying again, other may not take a simple no for an answer. These type of men whether consciously or not look for women they can manipulate or wear down. If you have used the body language tip you have already discouraged this type of individual simply by looking him in the eye and firmly saying no. This screams that you are confident in yourself and not intimidated by him. Should he persist, action is your next step. These are some safety tips for such situations.

1. Tell him to leave you alone. Do not remain quiet as he follows you around. Do not ask him. Tell him to leave you alone. If he says he’s not following you wait for him to pick a direction and then go the other way.
2. Inform security. Something women love to do is rationalize that a threat is all in there head. They aren’t 100% sure of it and so they don’t want to tell anyone just in case. In fact just in case is why they should tell someone in authority. In most cases security will scare off a guy. In the worse case you have a witness when filing a police report. It is better to have a false alarm than to ignore an alarm.
3. Be escorted away. It may sound cliche, but there are safety in numbers. Have the security guard walk you to your car. If there is no security guard ask another women or family in the place your at to walk you to your car. Do not be embarrassed by doing this. All women understand wanting to avoid creepy guys. Most people with children understand wanting to avoid them as well. In extreme cases call someone to pick you up. Tell the person picking you up why, where and what the guy looks like. If you can remain in a lighted area and on the phone until they show up.
4. Get a restraining order. File a report This is the right step if you have been stalked or threatened.