What Not to Do After a Break-up

1.  Don’t “Lose It”

Maintaining your dignity, composure, and good manners is very difficult at this these moments, but it’s absolutely essential.  Do not make an unfavorable impression on him.  Let not his memory of you remain as woman in “Fatal Attraction.”  Politely wish him well and be off.

2.  Don’t go to your depressed and negative-aura friends. 

There are some people who love to see you in the same miserable situation they are in.  It won’t help you move on, lest you want to wallow in the mud pile of misery.

3.  Don’t run back to a previous boyfriend.

Never break-up with one man then run back to a previous boyfriend for comfort.  What’s worse? Having sex with him, too. There is a reason why you broke up with your first ex. Keep that in mind.  Have some self-respect.

4.  Don’t accept too many invitations from couples. 

Unless the event gives an opportunity for you to meet single, available men, It will only leave you out of place or you’ll end up being the “fifth wheel.” Don’t make it a regular habit of hanging out with couple friends.  When you are with other single people, you won’t feel like an outsider looking in.

5.  Don’t punish yourself.

We have a tendency to seek out various forms of comfort when we’re sad.  Make sure these are not self-destructive, such as over eating, over sleeping instead of exercising, binge spending, or turning to alcohol and/ or drugs.  The after effect will be worse than your break-up sadness.  Get rid of the bad food in your house, buy yourself a pair of nice heels or a new set of running shoes and work out clothes and get moving.  Instead of lying around, plan your weekend, or your life, for that matter.

6.  Don’t beg him back.

The relationship didn’t work because of major differences in your beliefs, personalities and goals.  Don’t go back to him just because you’re lonely.  Even if he takes you back, it does not change his beliefs and principles.  He may take you back just because it’s convenient, until the next woman comes along.

7.  Don’t spend too much time with the common friends you had when you were a couple.

It is normal that you developed common friends as a couple.  While it is fine to remain cordial with the people you knew as a couple, it is also important to focus on making new friends.  Being around your mutual friends will just bring back memories.  Worse, you run the risk of bumping into your ex.

8.  Don’t overanalyze.

Learn from your relationship experience but don’t obsess over the mistakes that happened. Take notes and make a self introspection of what to do and not to do in the next relationship.  Don’t blame yourself for the failure of the relationship. Don’t put yourself down thinking that you are not good enough, pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, sexy enough, or whatever you are thinking, because it is not true. 

9.  Don’t be addicted to your misery.

In order to move on with your life past break-up, stop talking about your previous relationship and its miseries.  You’ve told your friends once, shared some details, you’ve cried about it, then stop. No one wants to hear about your self pity speeches over and over and over again. If you keep on babbling about how heartbroken you are, don’t be surprised if people and friends drift away from you.

10.  Don’t dig up information on your ex’s whereabouts and activities.

Even if you’re tempted to ask his friends of recent news about him or stalk his myspace, facebook, etc, stop yourself.  This is another damaging way of clinging to a relationship that didn’t work out.  It will contribute to unnecessary misery and anxiety. If you so happen to bump into his friends who will ask how you’re doing, just give them a brief answer and then change the subject.  Let them see for themselves how great you are doing now.

11.  Don’t let your work performance or studies to be affected negatively. 

Keep you dignity and your job by being absolutely professional even in times of emotional crisis.  If you can’t help it, call in sick for the day and deal with yourself. When you go back to work or school, leave your excess baggage and face the tasks that had to be accomplished in the best way you can.

12.  Don’t make any major life or appearance decisions for about a month after breakup.

This is the time when you have to give really careful considerations on your major decisions.  Even if it were for an ultimately positive cause, give time to careful analysis and prayer.  Some would radically cut their hair, quit a job, move to another city, or engage in a risky activity and later regretted it.  All these including, going to dangerous places, self mutilation, having unprotected sex, abusing alcohol and taking drugs never solves anything.