It’s all very well being close to your boyfriend but where do you draw the line between loving and smothering?
Lover Or Smotherer?
OK, so you love him, he loves you and everything’s great… In fact, you love him so much, you want to know everything about him – from his deepest thoughts on life to what he had for lunch. And why not? There’s nothing wrong with being interested. In fact, you’re so interested, you’re happy to spend all your time with him. After all, who needs other people when you’ve got each other? You don’t need your friends or interests any more, and there’s no doubt in your mind that, now he’s got you, he doesn’t need his either.
Being in a relationship where you go out of your way to sacrifice your own needs for those of your boyfriend’s is unhealthy to say the least. When you start trying to run his life according to what you think is best for him, it’s positively dangerous: by doing that, you run the risk of metamorphosising from a lover into a smotherer.
There’s a basic difference between the two and it’s as simple as this: loving is unselfish and smothering is completely selfish. When you love a man, you want what’s best for him; when you smother him, you give your all in the hope that he’ll give his all in return. You give, give, give and expect to get, get, get. But getting doesn’t always follow giving, and assuming that he’ll reciprocate doesn’t necessarily mean that he will. In fact, he may feel too overwhelmed to respond. And even when you see him kicking and struggling, you blank out those obvious signals, thinking that what you’re doing is all for the best – for both of you.
It’s hard to believe that you can love someone too much. When you give him everything – your time, your attention and your love – how could he not love it. And he does love it… doesn’t he?
But Men Like Lots Of Attention, Don’t They?
Psychologist, Dr. Maryon Tysoe says: “Sometimes, if smothering involves being maternal, some men might like it. But it all depends on his personality. Another man might go crazy if his girlfriend attempted to mother – or smother him!”
Chances are, your man will be flattered by a bit of smothering… at first. He’ll let you take all responsibility for the relationship and he will positively bathe in the warmth of your overwhelming and unceasing love. Initially, there’s not much chance of frightening him away because, for a while, being looked after and adored is great – who can deny that? But when he starts comparing his relationship to that of his friends, the claustrophobia sets in and he’ll really start resenting it.