Six Rumors About Nice Guys

Nice Guys always seem to fail in the dating scene, and many people have different explanations as to why that is.  Some of these have merit, others do not.  Regardless, most assertions made about Nice Guys are subject to some debate.  I’ve made a list of some of the most common misconceptions about Nice Guys.  These are by no means all of them, but they are the ones I hear most often.

1. Nice Guys are the Opposite of Jerks

   Though nice guys and jerks differ in many ways, there is no definite link between them.  Nice Guys are so because they live a particular lifestyle.  The “jerk” is not a lifestyle, but merely an idea.  It is what people picture when they think of the stereotypical male chauvinist.  Though some guys hold “jerk-like” opinions, one cannot define all men in terms of either Jerk or Nice Guy.  That is similar to saying a fruit must be either citrus or an apple.

2. Nice Guys are Too Nice

   This is also a generalization.  A Nice Guy can do nice things without being a saint all the time.  Nice Guys come in all shapes, sizes, and personalities.  Some Nice Guys are complete gentlemen, but others are not.  Some are socially awkward, which contributes to their difficulty in talking to women.  And some desire only sex from their partner.  Nice Guys may, for the most part, have good intentions, but they are human like everyone else.

3. Nice Guys are Clingy

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   Women cite this misconception as a reason to avoid a Nice Guy because their kindness can be overwhelming.  A Nice Guy may be so head-over-heels for a girl that he might start inundating her with attention.  For many women this is a turn-off.  While a Nice Guy might think he is showing his respect and admiration for the woman, she probably sees him as a nuisance.  This is a misconception that is many times true; however, it is an extreme.  Nice Guys may “latch” onto a woman to some extent, but they usually realize the flaw in their judgment.  Unfortunately, they can also get anxious or desperate when they meet a woman who they think might be interested.  In those cases, clinginess is a habit which is hard for many Nice Guys to kick.

4. Nice Guys Lack Confidence

   This is often true, but still a stereotype.  It is a chicken or egg argument: either Nice Guys lack confidence so they are turned down, or that Nice Guys lack confidence because they are turned down.  Either way, this still does not take into account the Nice Guys who are confident in themselves, yet still fail at relationships.  Confidence certainly helps, but it is not the deciding factor.

5. Nice Guys are Uninteresting

   What seems to contribute to this is the Nice Guys’ tendency to dote on women.  Nice Guys spend so much time trying to play to the women’s interests that he fails to talk about himself.  This is another common mistake that Nice Guys make.  Many Nice Guys have the irrational fear that if a women were to learn too much about their character, they might become disinterested in them.  The opposite is usually true.  Despite this, there are still many Nice Guys who are able to build a friendly rapport with women, but still get stuck in the “friend zone” indefinitely.  Even if a woman finds a guy interesting, she won’t immediately be inclined to date him.

6. Nice Guys are Losers

   As I mentioned, nice guys are not all alike.  The qualities that make up the nice guy: failure with women, kind heart, etc. certainly points to a certain type of guy, but just because it’s juicy and sweet doesn’t mean it’s a fruit.  If every nice guy were unattractive and socially awkward, as many believe, there would be no mystery as to why they are often unsuccessful with women.

Final Thoughts

Though all of these misconceptions and stereotypes are true to some extent, not one of them can accurately describe what makes a Nice Guy who he is or why he fails in relationships.  If you do consider yourself a Nice Guy and you find that you may have one of the above traits, I suggest you work on ridding it from your personality; though, I cannot promise that this will end your relationship problems.  For that, you should take the advice in Five Tips for Nice Guys.