How to Make Your Man Stay Faithful: The U-w Tips
Believe it or not, there are men out there who wouldn’t dream of sneaking off for a tryst with a willowy brunette. Here’s a guide to tracking them down.
U is for Ugliness
We’re talking the real thing here: warts, blackened teeth, real Elephant Man stuff. Elephant Men tend not to be philanderers. They also tend to be affectionate and loyal, if a little indistinct in their endearments.
V is for Valium
… but it could equally well be for Mogadon, Librium or Mandrax, were it not for the fact that none of those begin with the letter V. the simple truth is that pill-popping junkies don’t screw at all. Blessed out on complex pharmaceuticals, they see no need to seek oblivion in the loins of a lover. They will never stray, unless it is to go out and get more drugs. On the other hand, they are useless around the house and their conversation is even more in distinct than that of Elephant men.
W is for Wife
… and, paradoxically, a wife may be a woman’s best friend. If your inamorato is a married man he’s very likely to be faithful to you, even if only for limited period – until the whole thing blows up, he keeps refusing to leave her, you have to get involved in all that cooking-their-pet-rabbit and carving knife drama, and so on.
A wife at home will account for all the time he’s not spending with you. Nor need you worry about her; if they were having such a riotous time in the sack, he wouldn’t be with you (men are not like women in that regard). The trouble is that he may eventually leave her for you. That’s when you start buying pet rabbits and going through his pockets.