When I See Her

August 23, 2011 by Oblio De Mingo  
Published in Friendship

The story everyone has lived through, unwillingly being the friend when you wish to be so much more.. This is my story.

I sit along the side of the field, waiting for the flies and gnats to get bored of my taste and find their new prey. The late afternoon sun beats down on my back as time ticks by slowly, each second reminding me more and more of the damp air making it harder and harder to continue working. I bring my hand to my forehead trying unsuccessfully to keep  the harsh glare from interfering with my vision when I see her…

Her golden curls bounce upon her shoulder as she slowly struts by me, her face showing as much disinterest in this place as I imagine mine shows. But then her lips begin to curl, slowly forming into the most radiant smile I have ever seen, one that makes this hot day in the field worth every painful second. Her laugh echos throughout my head as I play it over and over again, wishing that this boundless joy was my doing. She then glances over, making eye contact with me like she does everyday her beautiful blue eyes piercing into me, looking so deep that it hurts. I quickly turn around choosing the company of the setting sun to that of the person I long for so dearly.

When I dare turn back around, I see that she has joined the company of her friends and has most likely completely forgotten our small encounter. While this hurts to think about, it is no surprise, after all I am her best friend and have been such for many years. To think that she can look at me and not feel the impulses, the urges.. It infuriates me. I have always been there for her. I have been a friend, a shoulder to cry on, a punching back and once.. A lover. Yet now, while i still desire to be near her, I feel I must push away to prevent our friendship from falling apart. Why must I bear this burden while she has no knowledge of its existence?

I am brought back from these deep thoughts by a familiar voice, one that I have heard many a time, and wish to hear many a more. They are her words. They wrap around my ear, gently caressing my ear drum whilst my brain processes the words.

“Hey, are you alright.”

I than realize how foolish I must look just staring blankly into space in the middle of a carnival.

“Oh, ya ha ha… Sorry, I was just thinking.” I say with a weak laugh.

“Oh really? About what?”

“Oh.. the usual..”

I wish I could tell her the truth, that Ive been thinking about her, like I have done for the past years. I wish I could tell her how she makes me feel, how just the thought of her is enough to make any day complete. But I cant because… Well I’m not sure. It could be the fear of rejection, the fear of forcing something that isn’t there, or perhaps an even darker more complex thing such as just the fear of asking.

“Oh, so you mean nothing” She says with a smirk

” Ha ha, aren’t you funny” 

No, no she isn’t funny, but just her joy from telling the joke is enough to evoke a genuine laugh from me. We awkwardly stand together smiling, the only two people I care to acknowledge existing at this point, until she takes the last straw full of liquid her drink cares to give her. She then comes and grabs my arm, sending cold chills down my spine, and drapes it over her shoulders. She looks up into my eyes, giving me that dark chilling feeling, yet the huge smile she is wearing across her mouth makes me forget it.

“Lets go ride some rides”

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