The Reality of Living Within Two Worlds

April 24, 2013 by breete01  
Published in Friendship

Below is an excerpt from my new book "The Reality of Living within Two Worlds."

View the book here:

Say there are ten different levels of a friendship. Level ten would mean you are best friends with a person while level 5 might mean that you were casual friends.  Level one might mean you are just acquaintances.  Throughout someone’s life you encounter all different types of friendships.  However, the reality is that you probably only have two or three best friends throughout your lifetime.  That’s where the disconnect was for me.  In my typical asperger’s way of thinking of only seeing two levels.  Level 1 and level 10, I thought I needed to be best friends with everyone. So I spent all of my time trying to get to level ten with each and every person I ever encountered and met. This is so self-destructive. 

This type of mind-set is a mind-set that will scare other people away. Because I was so desperately chasing this level ten friendship with everyone I saw I became needy and pushy in my interactions. I was pushing to get to that certain level of what I thought a friendship really was.  In pushing so hard I actually ended up scaring people away and made them never want to talk to me again.  They were so confused by the way I was interacting with them that sometimes people would run away from me. Or at least it felt like that.  What was I doing wrong?

I was missing the step by step process and I wanted something that didn’t exist.  It’s very hard to get to a level ten type of friendship with someone. I’ve tried many times and it doesn’t just happen overnight believe me.  Now that I look back on my life I see that there are quite a few people whom I never get to talk to or hangout with now that would have been great level 5 or 6 friends for me.  Meaning we could have been casual friends if I wouldn’t have pushed so hard for that best friend.  So what I thought was them ignoring me or pushing me away was really me pushing them away by accident.  There’s a good chance that many of those people that I was on a level 5 or 6 friendship with over time could have went to level 8, level 9, or level 10. 

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