Genuine Friends are Rare as Gems

September 2, 2012 by Chelsea Burbidge Merkley  
Published in Friendship



All of us have had the “fair weather” friends, that dissapear when everything is challenging.

They seem to stick around for the good times, parties, rides in your car or you feel like they’re using you for your resources.

I call these kinds of people false friends. It seems many put up a demeanor that they think you’re great when they’re around you, but who knows what they say behind your back. Most insightful folks can tell when people are putting up a facade around you. Sometimes, it’s trickier to know when you fall for these friendships.

When life gets hard and you need a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on, having one loyal friend is extremely helpful. Every person in this life needs to be understood and to feel like they belong. This is a basic human necessity. Researchers refer to this as attachment. When you learn to love and trust in your family, intimate and close friend relationships, your needs of feeling validated and loved are met. 


In contrast, when you feel betrayed, hurt, angry or sad because of wavering trust in a relationship; you may become vulnerable and an easy target for rebound and eventually hurtful relationships. However, you may also become bitter towards the other gender because of the experiences you have had with one person or a few people, who happen to be in that particular group. Be careful no to make generalizations about other members of that gender based on your experiences with only a few people. 

Telling secrets to only trusted friends and family is a good idea. Use your instincts in judging others’ charachter and loyalty towards you as a friend.


Make sure you do not have friends who are bad influences on you. Like the kind who try to get you to break your values and religious beliefs because they want to see if you will. They will bring you down to their level, if if you think you’re trying to be a good influence on them. Nevertheless, that does not mean you cannot befriend those of other religious or spiritual beliefs, or people of other cultures or ethnicity. Learning about others beliefs and practicing mutual respect and tolerance towards your friends is a wonderful practice. It teaches you how to behave civilly in a diverse world.

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