You and Me Equals Wii

July 13, 2008 by Aureus Pluma  
Published in Dating

Where do we end and I begin? About the trickiness of navigating the terrain between independence and co-dependence in a relationship.

Have you ever thought to yourself about where “I” ends and your relationship with your significant other (S.O.) begins? That very thought crossed my mind this weekend, and the conclusion I reached, is that “we” should really be “wii”. No, I’m not making a plug for playing the Nintendo game console of the same name. Rather, I’m trying to make a bold visual statement of a state of relational togetherness.

Who can forget the magic of falling in love with someone special? Who would want to forget? Indeed, I assume that most of us would rather that state continue forever if possible. However, it’s impossible. There comes a time when the caterpillar form of lovers must emerge from a cocoon, hopefully transformed into a beautiful butterfly of “two-ness”. This metamorphosis is both real and necessary. In order to build a future together, you must be linked in the present. The cocoon phase of endless necking, hours of wild sex, and cozy spooning in front of a television set are what helps a twosome form the necessary bonds. Nevertheless, the real world beckons sooner or later. Hormones die and the fireworks fade. If you are lucky, at that point, you count yourself fortunate that your Prince has not transformed back into a frog. If you are unlucky and thinking clearly, you chuck that toad back into the pond faster than you can say “ribbit”.

I’m one of the lucky ones. My knight’s armour is still as bright as it was when I met him approximately eight months ago. The fireworks are less frequent now, but in their place, we have discovered a steady glow that will hopefully burn for a long time to come – interspersed with the occasional bang of bright sparks exploding against a night sky of course. One of the questions that have arisen as of late though, is how do we define “you and me”?

How much time should we spend with his friends versus with mine? What about the fact that I enjoy hanging out with his friends as a couple, but typically prefer to hang out with my friends alone? (Few things in life are as therapeutic as girl-talk, and since I currently cannot afford a decent therapist, I am loathe to give up my weekly coffee sessions.) There’s also the fact that I work full time and still hope to be a published author one day…soon. Does this mean I have the right to choose Saturday evenings at home with the laptop over hanging out with him and his buddies at the local watering hole without fear of resentment? Does this mean the right to say no to weekend camping trips so that I can hang out at a local diner to read and peruse non-fiction works on how to create a work of fiction? Where do “I” and my needs end, and “we” and our needs begin?

Now that we have emerged from the cocoon stage, I’ve noticed that we are both flexing our wings and trying the strength of our bonds. Yesterday, we went to separate parties: a first for us. Today, he went biking in the morning. I stayed home. He arrived and we left to meet friends. I left and came home…alone. Is this terrible? Is this bad? I certainly hope not. I love him as much ever. I just need to fly solo at times. Probably, he does too. I hope he understands that sometimes, my needs must come before him. And I hope that I will also understand when he has to put his needs before me. I guess that’s why to me at least, him and I, is spelled “wii”.

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