Why You Shouldn’t Date a Married Man

June 3, 2008 by pewi  
Published in Dating

Point of view from a woman who was in a relationship with a married man for three years and why women shouldn’t get involved with unavailable men.

I don’t think any woman in the world starts dating a married man on purpose.

Or at least that’s what I would like to believe.

It just happens.

I am going to tell you why you should break up this type of relationship if you find your self at one at this precise moment in life.

I know it’s hard. I also know it’s also exhilarating, you think he is boosting your self esteem, he treats you like a princess, you never fight (except when you want more), sex is great, this is the best relationship you’ve ever had!

Well, it’s NOT.

I was involved with a married man myself. A relationship that lasted for over 3 years. I don’t regret any of it because it was the best “University” I could have attended on “relationships”.

It started in the most harmless way. Being the owner of my favorite restaurant, which I attended at least 3 times a week, I would always chat with him whenever I saw him. The service at the restaurant has always been great, but to me was even greater, when I got sent a glass of wine, or a plate compliments of “the house”. I liked the attention, I loved the free wine and food however I would later learn that was the most expensive wine and “free” food of my life!

Women are a different kind of human being. We love the attention. We love conversation. You want to get into a woman’s heart? It’s as simple as “talking and listening” to her. We love the fact that someone wants to get to know us. We are tired of men who have just met us and want to take us to bed. We love the wine and dinning. We are creatures of attention. All we want is to be treated like a princess.

Well… married men have a “Master’s Degree” on “How to treat women like a Princess”. We naively think that this is because they come from a different planet. A different race. Something over the years has taught them how to treat a woman, and they have perfected it so well.

If you are one of the women that think that: you are VERY wrong.

The reason these men treat “other” women outside their relationships like a Princess is because they can’t offer you anything else!

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32 Responses to “Why You Shouldn’t Date a Married Man”
  1. jen Says:

    so true. i’m living the break up now; week 1 and counting.

  2. kim Says:

    Im trying so hard to end this 8 year relationship that has gone no where and never will. The” I’m only with her because of the kids” line is always a LIE!!!1!! Wish me Luck and most of all strength to stay strong!

  3. Faith Says:

    Thanks for the motivation. Im also one of the victim and i want to break this relationship up, but each time i try to break up, i just cant do it, and somehow i will get back with him, but this time, im gonna break this relationship up for good.

  4. DW Says:

    I’m on break up day 1 and I just want out! It’s been a year. You are so right. I’m so ashamed.

  5. MJ Says:

    gosh…i know all this and i’m wondering when am i going to wake up and say good-bye. have i become so weak and let a married man mindbogglingly take control of my life. i realize time over and over that this can’t go on…the relationship is never truely over…we don’t talk for a month or two and then its on again…what is the matter with me…

  6. RD Says:

    And i thought I am the only one in this situation….I have been in this relation for 1 year now, decided all of a sudden today to end it up…I always knew I will do it like this…suddenly! I will like to talk more to somebody who is going through the same thing! I didn’t know from the begening he is married, after 2 months I was completly in love, after I found out I tried to end it but love was too strong, and yes…I was treated like a princess he would actually call me that, send me poems, went in vacatons together…but all good things come to an end….and i could not handle it anymore. I really hope I have the strenghts to really end it. A good way to get out of this, if u really want to and think is best for u to get out of this, is to do what i did! I told him all of a sudden if he ever calls me again or tries to get in touch with me I will call his home phone and tell his wife everithing, so to tink long before trying to contact me again.

  7. BeenThere Says:

    I, too, got involved with a married man. In my case, he DID leave his wife. I spent six years of my life with this man. He ended up screwing around on me with my best friend. He ultimately married her.

    Most men will never leave their wives, but even if they did, they would just do the same thing to you when they tired of you. If a man will screw around on his wife, he’ll screw around on you….period!

    Why would anybody want somebody like this?

  8. In too Deep Says:

    I have been dating this man for the past year and a half; we stopped talking briefly; in that time period he got engaged to an on-and-off girlfriend (thats what he tells me). I began talking back to him recently; yes he’s getting married at the end of the month, but we both love each other deeply. It’s hard to let eachother go, he wants to continue our relationship after he marries; but I really want to get out of this!!! I know it’s not right but I love him, but more importantly I love me. I don’t want to go through him promising me lies or false hopes. I am devasted and will be on the day of their wedding day an more so if I continue our relationship.

  9. Deeply Hurting Says:

    I just told my married friend/lover that I can’t do this anymore. We have only been seeing eachoher for 3 weeks and I have fallen for him. I am devastated over this entire mess. I wish I never met him. I miss our conversations, lunches, etc. but I don’t want my cake and to eat it too and to have my family suffer because of my poor decisions. I hope these feelings pass soon. I am so sick to stomach. I cant concentrate at work or home. I am such a mess. I know it is for the best but I do not know how I am going to get over this.

  10. terry Says:

    You just take it day by day. One day at a time. You will get thru this.

  11. the same......hurt Says:

    this is so true..im in a 3 weeks old relationship with a MM and you know what!!! he treats you like a princess ..like his soulmate and always mention if he wasnt married that definetly bei will his wife….but i read the article and can relate to everything…i feel so ashamed of myself and most of all i needed companionship and he came along and i started to fall in love with him…..but he dnt want me he wanted his wife ….neverthe less ..but i wanted him …and he cant be there period…..at this moment in time icalled him and i told him that i wanted to tell him something …he say tomorrow….but i cant wait to end this thig with this MM….i love him but i prefer to let him go than to stick nonsense….

  12. leese Says:

    I to have been through the pain of being with a married man,a six year affair and everything you have said ..its as if you were reading my six year story..but in this affair we planed for our future (what a fool am i),we got that close to almost being together,YEAH RIGHT!! thing is i truely was sucked in and wen he got cold feet and run like the coward he is i was a broken lady im still not over him and the same thing is happerning to me he doesnt have any contact for weeks then he just shows up and i give in every time even after he left me with no reason no explanations all i got was pure cold cutt off!after six years! why was there no answers when i tried to get closure on us ??? i will tell you why …..it was in my face but i was brain washed and foolishly blind to it ….he didnt have to give me a reason because the reason is HE IS A MARRIED MAN AND MARRIED MEN WILL HURT YOU BECAUSE THEY ARE HEARTLESS..Why is it THAT NONE OF US TELL THE WIFE AND SCREW HIM OVER IN THE WAY HE DID US???????????????

  13. michelle halls Says:

    i am going through that, except his moved moved me into a guse and most weekends he is away on meetings….. now i am all alone with no one and i tired his phone and its goes staight to voice mail. there other phone is ringing out. please help me

  14. tk Says:

    My married man is also my boss, so I have to see him all the time. I am done with this. The pain is too great. I can’t believe I’ve been such a fool. A few years ago I would have talked down about women who would do this, now I am that woman. I knew better, but we all think that are situation is different and unique. i am grateful that I have come to my senses and I pray that all the women going through this will recover and learn from the experience and never settle for this again.

  15. JB Says:

    I have been with someone for 10 years. He married someone 2yrs ago. I was here first. We never were in a committed relationship together but dated other people. We always had each other. We would see each other once a week. This has been going on for 10 yrs. Why? Because im stupid. He doesnt want me and he never will. I have spent many holidays and birthdays on my own. Why do i let him do this to me? I am so hurt and really need some help to get over this relationship.

  16. sam Says:

    is there a good book discussing this kind of situation?

    thanks in advance.

  17. daisy Says:

    Ask yourself are the highs worth the lows? Sometimes putting up with the lows are overcome by the wonderful sky high highs but inevitably the lows come back. Being with a married man is not a proper relationship – he certainly won’t be having Sunday morning in bed with you!

    See it for what it is but never ever fall in love with a married man!

  18. jalexa Says:

    I have been down this road. It never leads anywhere but to a huge loss of time for yourself. What people like us need most of all, is self confidence….the realization that what we don’t need is , not only a married man but perhaps any man at all. When did we lose ourselves? Hey….we are single but important and too important to lose time with married men. If you feel you want a man to go through your life with…find one who is unattached and willing to be one with YOU, not with TWO.

  19. Peaches Says:

    I happened to be dating a married man, and all i get from him is share lies. The first three months of our relationship he indeed treated me like a princess. Low and be hold after all that I desperately spent long hrs on the phone calling him to take me out. Married men are a mest, but you never learn until you experience what it is like. I can tell you I went throughheart ache and pains with this guy and now I have decided to let the relationship go. I kept asking myself the question is this what I want out of my life, but I came up with the solution I am willing to let this man out of my life, if I don’t I will be living my life hoping that someday he will treat me the way he treted me when we first me.

  20. pewi Says:

    Hi Peaches,
    You have taken the first step towards recovery, which is acceptance of this situation. My best advice now is to take it one day at a time. Stand your ground. You can do it!

  21. Peaches Says:

    Thank you so much pewi for your words of advice I needed it, because there are times when you tend to go back to the same situation, and I definitely do not want to go back.

  22. Sleeping Cousins Says:

    Check out this post: http://www.sleepingcousins.com/is-it-right-to-date-a-married-man/. It deals with the same topic in a level-headed manner, as well.

  23. Lucy Solomon Says:

    I’m in the beginning of week 3 of my break up with a married man. However, I am married too. I’m in a lonely marriage and felt for a time that my married boyfriend could fill that void. But it was all about sex for him and he said the right things only to get sex. I now feel even more trapped and lonely in my current situation and worse, feel used and empty from my extra-marital relationship.

  24. pewi Says:

    Dear JJM: I agree with you, when you say that men act on instinct. it is a fact of nature. However there are men that live by principles and values, and even though they do dream or fantasize with other women, they don’t act on it, because there is a principle that tells them that commiting adultery will hurt their significant other. As you say many men are selfish and they will seek other women for personal satisfaction and in my opinion for other reasons like feeling young again, or simply sex.

    The only reason why women fall in love with unavailable men is becuase of 2 reasons: 1. they didn’t know they were married in the first place and fell in love 2. married men play the “I’m so unhappy, so lonely, martir card” and women who by nature (instinct if that’s what you like to call it) are saviors by their maternal instinct, think that they can make this man happy and help him get out of that “horrible” situation.

    So yes…we women have a clue. We too have learned from life.

  25. maggie Says:

    i am the married mans wife and it’s toooo bad about how you little bitches feel and the hurt you feel ‘ stay the frig away from the married men, they are getting all the sex not love from you then they go back to their wife , go find yourself someone single or a widower, heres hoping the dagger goes through your heart

  26. pewi Says:

    Dear Maggie,
    I am so sorry to hear that your husband has cheated on you. I can’t imagine the pain you must feel.
    However most of the time we are not looking for an affair or a married man to have a relationship with. Unfortunately they are the ones looking for us. By any means am I trying to justify the affair. But when we finally find out we have fallen in love. Yes, our mistake is not leaving at that very moment, we all should. But in the name of love we continue to fight for what we believe is true love. It is a mistake! A big one! No one has a right to destroy and tear appart any family.
    My advice to you is to fight for your family and your marriage> Forgive your husband, re build your marriage.
    Have faith and trust in God!

  27. JACKIE C. Says:


  28. KUDZAI Says:


  29. Siuys Says:

    This article really struck a chord. I was involved with a married man (who actually separated for close to 6 months and moved back) and I have just ended things with him after 13 months of spewing on this roller coaster nonstop!!! I am SO OVER IT. Yes, I am hurt and feel like a fool but I can’t handle any more of this BS and decided it’s time to cut my losses! What a jerk!!!

  30. Jennifer Says:

    Thank you so much for writing this article. I, too, can completely relate with everything written. My married man has done and continues to do all of the things that you wrote. We have been together for nearly 3 years with no end to his marriage in sight. He always has some excuse or another. First it was that he didn’t want to hurt his children. He has been there for them from the beginning and he always promised them that he would never leave them. Then, once that excuse wore off, he told me that he wanted to wait for his wife to finish college so that she would be able to financially support herself and the kids when he left. Another crock of bullsh*t. Time and time again I fell for his lies and false promises. And if that wasn’t bad enough, he has me “babysitting” his kids so that, as he states, they can get used to me for when he finally leaves his wife. I know that I’m being used, but I could never let go. However, after reading this article, as well as many others, I have decided that the time is now. It hurts like hell, but I know that it’s the only thing that I can do in order to reclaim my life, my dignity, and my self-respect. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for giving me the push that I needed in order to make this happen.

  31. mychal Says:

    whew… i just ended a 3 month escapade. I did not go in with expectations. i like dthe attention to detail and time he gave me.. then one evening i had to “be quiet” while he spoke with his wife on the phone… that was the reminder that i was 2nd best. Thats what i needed to see/hear. NOW he calls/texts me to say cute stuff like this is hard for me and i dont want you to leave me… its not an easy task, but a must! This too shall pass.

  32. mary Says:

    i am also experiencing the same as of the moment, and this is my first time having an affair with a married guy…I didnt realize that it would end up like this…..he always have excuses and im hiding in my shelf waiting for him to visit me….i even forget to treat myself the past holidays waiting for his promises and the holidays are over but nothing happens….Im having a hard time to end up because it cause me so much pain….please advice me….I wish I never knew him….im confused

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