Top 10 Ways to Tell He’s Not the One

Yes it can be abused-the wrong man for one woman is the right man for another. But over-all I’m sure we can all think of at least one man who truly deserves it. Unfortunately, there is no universal signal. Therefore, after years of research, I have compiled the top ten ways that you can tell “He’s Not the One.”

1. You’ve Been Dating for Years

   Not just one or two, but years. If you want to commit, but he doesn’t seem ready, even at this stage, to take the leap of faith, then it’s time to call it quits. You may regret the years that seem wasted in this type of relationship-but you have to remember your time together wasn’t all-bad. Some people never settle down. They cannot, no matter how much they love someone, see themselves with only one person for the rest of their lives. This type of thinking is wrong, it’s just wrong for you. When you begin a relationship with someone you need to make sure the both of you know where each other stands when it comes to commitment. If you’ve been dreaming of a house, children and a white wedding dress then someone looking for a long term casual fling isn’t the one.

2. Time and Time Again…

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   It’s Friday evening and you’re meeting for dinner. He’s late-again. In fact, he’s always late. You told him what time the reservations were for. You told him you’d had a long day and you wanted to relax. He knows where the restaurant is-he chose it. If your time isn’t important to him it never will be. Some people run on their own clocks. They don’t seem to understand how a simple thing such as time can really affect a relationship. If you’re constantly waiting on him, reminding him, jogging his memory then you’re clearly not on his mind. Make it easier on him and find someone else who’s willing to put the time in.

3. He’s Got a Mother… and a 14-year-old Daughter?

   If you’re heading to your one-year anniversary and you still haven’t met his parents or you’re just finding out about significant individuals such as children or siblings ,then he’s certainly not the one. Relationships are first and foremost about trust. If he can’t let you into his inner circle after a year then chances are he never will. How many surprises will it take for you to realize you’re low man on the totem pole? Do these people in his life even know you exist?

4. “They Buried the Hatchet, but in a Shallow, Well Marked Grave.” – Dorothy Walworth

   I don’t care if your parents fought all the time and it’s the only kind of relationship you know, constant argument is not the sign of a working relationship. If you’re not willing to compromise and he’s not willing to compromise and the fighting never ends… then the two of you should split up now-while you’re ahead. Once lawyers, divorce papers, and children get involved the nightmare can only escalate into a tragedy. Do us all a favor.

5. Stalker Syndrome

   You wake up every morning and he’s staring at you. He knows your schedule better then you do. He turns up “coincidently” at lunch dates with your friends or on girls’ night out. He gets angry when you make plans that don’t include him. You’ve been dating a week and he already wants to move in. He answers your cell phone whenever possible. Girls, these are the signs of a man who is “Not the One.” This person is a red inky stamp for almost any girl on the block. He wants to be your world, your only world and nothing else will do. Don’t let him isolate you from your friends or the people and activities that are important to you.

6. It’s Not a Quirk

   It’s an intrinsic flaw. You know a quirk. He snorts when he laughs. He likes bananas on his PBJ sandwiches. He likes boxers and not briefs and only wears black socks. These are funny little things that make him special; things that make him stand out amongst all the other men in the world. An intrinsic flaw is very different. Being unemotional and distant is an intrinsic flaw. Being an alcoholic is an intrinsic flaw. Having severe social anxiety or depression is an intrinsic flaw. Intrinsic flaws are not in themselves ground for dismissal. Everyone has at least one intrinsic flaw. The important part about flaws is to make sure yours match his. If your intrinsic flaw is neediness, an unemotional man is not the one. Two depressions don’t make a happy person. Two alcoholics don’t necessarily make one sober person.

7. Who’s Your Sugar-mama?

   In today’s day and age there is no reason why anyone person in a relationship should be the soul provider. If he’s always asking you for money, never providing any of the funds for dates or other outings and you’re not too sure he even has a job? Then he’s not the one. This rule applies to all able bodied individuals capable of holding some kind of employment-any kind of employment. You’re no-one’s sugar momma. It is not your destiny in life to spend all your hard earned money taking care of someone who refuses to help out. No amount of guilt should hold him fast to your wallet either. Sometimes, no matter how hard it hurts, we have to stop. Partner is just that, a partner. Both bodies in any good relationship should share the brunt of what life through out at them-finances included.

8. Wishful Thinking

   No matter how much you love him and no matter how hard you work, you will never replace his mother, his ex-girlfriend Jane who died in a tragic hiking accident, the “one that got away…” or any of the other mythical beasts that reside in the back of his mind. You make that tuna noodle casserole yoour way and if he doesn’t like it he can make his own casserole. You like horror movies and can burp louder than all your male best friends. If his ex-girlfriend was the model of perfect femininity and poise and he can’t let that go… chances are he’s not the one.

9. Time is Money

   He’s got a lot of nice things-a house in the Hampton’s, a corvette, a plane, who knows what else. But when was the last time you saw him? Telephone conversations don’t count and neither do the flowers his secretary sent you. Yes he took you to Paris for your birthday but he spent most of that week on the phone and telecommuting via his laptop. Don’t think this behavior is going to change either. His work may buy you a lot of perks but it won’t provide a warm body in bed every night or a shoulder to lean on. So unless you’re prepared for occasional visits and becoming a corporate widow you may want to reevaluate what your future with him may look like.

10. It’s Not You… It’s Me

    The number one way I can tell that “he’s not the one” is looking within. It may be a feeling that doesn’t surface quickly or a memory I can’t ignore. But usually it’s there. You know when he’s not the one. If you have a nagging sensation something isn’t right, then it probably isn’t. We’re equipped with built-in radar when it comes to these things. The trick is to learn to trust yourself and to trust your instincts. First impressions are not always correct and what felt safe before may change. Don’t be afraid to take some time for yourself, reflect on your own goals and challenges and then make the call.