The Narcissist is Back, Dont be Happy

December 6, 2009 by CRYSTAL EVANS  
Published in Dating

He misses you. Dont feel happy about this because, he may just miss you for the wrong reasons. He misses how you pandered to his every wish and hang on to his every word. He does not miss you as a person. He misses the attention and the adulation that you gave him that he is probably unable to get any where else.

               You may be feeling es tactic because your lovelorn narcissistic partner has resurfaced after  subjecting you to days, months and for others years of emotional torment. The man who had dropped off the face of the earth  is suddenly back into your life as if nothing had happened before. He does not apologise for the misdemeanour that he had done or asks forgiveness for the transgression he committed against you. You are euphoric yet trepidated by his return because you understand deep down inside that this man could not possible have feelings for you. If a man truly loves a woman, he would not have done what your narcissistic boyfriend did to you.

     Beware, he is back solely to finish what he had started.  He is back and if he is truly a narcissist, it is likely that he will leave again. Even if he stays for good this time around, the relationship will not be less torturous than the one before. In most cases he is likely to amplify the abuse because he can confirmed that you are weak, and that he can do anything he wants with you.

  Here are some reasons why the narcissist may be back in your life again:

  1. He is retesting the waters to see if you are still shallow or if you have become too deep for his survival. He is trying to find out, if you are still hooked on him. He is probably testing his skills to see if you will fall for him again. To see how dumb you are and if you have matured beyond him.

   2. He has ran out of narcissistic supply and harem. You are probably his last resort. He is lacking in narcissistic supply and therefore he is back to get more. He likes attention and he cannot obtain it therefore he is seeking out one of his discarded supplies that are always in storage for his droughts.

  3. Your life has been improved and he wants to enjoy your accomplishments through proxy. You have become the new executive and he has decided that your new status deems you worthy of his divine association because you have something to offer. Whether it is monetary assistance based on your salary, the social connections that your job consequent or just the mere thought of saying my girlfriend is the CEO for Goldman Sachs.  

   4. He wants to have sex and you are readily available. Instead of having to act and woo a new supply the somatic narcissist will no doubt run for the fall back girl. Who is pining away for his return and then he will drop her and move on when a more valued conquest or narcissistic supply arrives.

 5. He misses you. Don’t feel happy about this because, he may just miss you for the wrong reasons.  He misses how you pandered to his every wish and hang on to his every word. He does not miss you as a person. He misses the attention and the adulation that you gave him that he is probably unable to get any where else.

  But whatever the reason be for the return of your narcissist, rest assure he is leaving again when he begins to despise you for being weak and when he has discovered a more challenging potential supply. Narcissist are emotionally unavailable and have relations with women for soley primal, sexual and monetary needs. He lacks a moral conscience, he does not feel empathy. He does not care about women and he willl not take accountablity for his actions. If he is back, the best thing to do is to end the relationship before he ends it and you are being hauled through the mud again.

here are some other articles that might help

http://socyberty.com/relationships/why-women-stay-with-abusive-men/

http://beyondjane.com/women/10-ways-to-be-a-better-women/

http://beyondjane.com/relationships/dating/the-men-we-love-to-hate-part-1.732413

http://beyondjane.com/relationships/the-men-we-love-to-hate-part-2.764021

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9 Responses to “The Narcissist is Back, Dont be Happy”
  1. Ruby Hawk Says:

    I do believe you are right, If he disregards your feelings once he always will. Don’t let that man in the door.

  2. www.fionabeck.com Says:

    Excellent! I totally agree and have experienced this kind of character first hand, pure evil.

  3. lulu Says:

    how do you stop yourself from wanting him back? i know that wanting him is toxic. i know this but i can not stop myself from wanting him.
    the part of him that fakes the love feels so good that i cant help from picking up the broken pieces of glass even tho my hands are bleeding. stupid analogy i know but i suppose i am a stupid girl.
    i imagine this is how a junkie must feel fiending for drugs.
    you know its slowly killing you but the high is so intense you just dont care.

  4. Michelle Says:

    Lulu,

    I was with a narcissistic man for so long, and even
    though I broke up with him months ago, I was so
    obsessed with him that I still think of him every day.
    But, as time as gone by, the thoughts have changed
    from longing to disgust. Know that they will change
    for you too. Be kind to yourself. Honor yourself.
    Notice the manipulation in his words. Read every
    single one of Crystal’s articles dealing with narcissism
    and allow yourself to say, “OMG! He did that to me
    too!” Realize that he will not change. Look up the
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder online and note that
    his fear of seeing something negative about himself
    makes it impossible to look within and see that he
    needs to change. If he’s ever said that he’d be better
    off without you, sit back and say, “Fine. Let’s see how
    much fun you have with that.” Then smile, turn around
    and walk away with your head held high, then don’t
    look back. You are a gift. The reason you stayed with
    him as long as you did is that you are compassionate
    and loving. You will be adored by someone else. But
    you have to turn around so that someone new can
    see your beautiful face.

    Bless you, Michelle

    P.S. Thank you Crystal, for helping to illuminate my
    world. Thank you for your honest, open, and
    insightful words. :)

  5. Lee Says:

    Lulu…

    Everything Michelle says is true… I finally ceased all contact with my narcissist a few months back, and it was so very hard at first. But it has gotten so much better, and I truly feel that I have reached a point of no return (something I never thought I would say). What has helped me more than anything is educating myself – reading books, articles, websites such as this – whatever I could get my hands on – about narcissists. About what makes them tick, and maybe even more important, about the damage that they inflict on people with good, caring hearts. Please know I have been exactly where you are right now – my relationship went on for 14 years with many breakups and reunions. But I had finally had enough and knew at a gut level that I had to escape for once and for all, because I saw and felt so deeply that it had changed me and I didn’t like the woman I had become. I am so much better than the woman he needed me to be in order for the relationship to survive.

    Like you, sometimes I still want him in the worst way. But I know without any question, that what I am wanting doesn’t exist. I am only wanting the image he presents to me when he is in need of my care and love. But that is not the real him. The “real” him is devoid of any care or concern for me and I know that once he had what he wanted, he would devalue me in an instant and be on the lookout somewhere else for “perfection,” which doesn’t exist. And this is why, no matter what I think and fear, I know now that his whole life is a false life. He thinks he is entitled to perfection and time and time again, when he realizes that he hasn’t found it, he just moves on to something new and fresh. But it’s like a broken record – nothing will ever change, and he will never be happy and know true and lasting love.

  6. pisces48 Says:

    This is has been so helpful..my story is of getting together with an old flame from 40 years ago…it was so wonderful being together again, and very intense. We both felt like teenagers again. Yet, something wasn’t right and I must have broken up with him half a dozen times only to go back for more. The pull was not only his seductive charm, but the intensity of feelings derived from our history, our youth…so it’s been really devastating to discover that he’s a narcissist and that the amazing beginning has come to such a devastating end. I finally did stop seeing him and have changed my phone number to an unlisted one and deleted my email address so he can’t reach me…I did receive one email from him when he sounded as though he was about to kill himself — and I didn’t respond.
    It’s been gruelling but every day it gets a little better as long as I have more to read on narcissism so I can come to terms with it all. I stayed with him only 14 months, thank God!

  7. Susan Says:

    After reading all these stories, I know that I have done the right thing by getting away from my narcissist boyfriend. My story is so similar to that of Pisces48 above. I met him when I was in high school and he was in college, both in the same small town. We dated briefly and then he looked me up when I was in college and with someone else. Over thirty years later, he found me again. I had not been in a relationship for 16 years after my divorce, so I was very vulnerable. He wooed me with a vengence – in such a rush for sex (we had not slept together before), making up dramatic stories about his experiences, and seeing me only when he wanted sex. All along, he was telling me that he was falling in love with me, but he couldn’t say the words because he might just be infatuated. He strung me along for a couple of months. Then I caught him in some real lies about where he was, who he was with, etc. He turned on me and said he couldn’t be with someone who “constantly accused” him. I did not accuse him – I confronted him in truth. Anyway, my sense of self was messed up for awhile as I kept hoping beyond hope that he was real. He kept me in a romantic haze that it was hard to break free from. I had been alone for so many years and he knew just what to say. Luckily, he has informed me that he went back to a former girlfriend. I say she can have him. I am a Christian, so I asked God for forgiveness and prayed for him, too, although that was a little difficult. His last email to me was on Christmas Eve, to let me know how happy he is with her – quite a Christmas gift…The good news is that last night, I finally had a dream about someone new and I woke up hopeful that my future will be bright. I’m so grateful that God showed me the hard truth about him and helped me through it. Life is too short to be abused in any way. I hope my story can help someone else to break away from their narcissist. It’s hard to do, but know that you’re worth it. When you let go of him, you’ll be free to let someone else into your life – someone who will treat you right and appreciate you. That’s my hope now. I only lost a few months of my life and I’m grateful for that. Thanks for reading and blessings to you – you are not alone.

  8. Lisa Says:

    My story is amazing as well. Actually, the sickness and creepiness of it all came two days ago. I got online and Googled his phone number and it traced to a name that was not his. I Googled the name and found his picture, it was him, and found that he is a high level exec posing as another man, whose name I have known him as for three years and he’s out here in the world having affairs and spreading Herpes. I found this and thought OMG, everything I thought about him was right on. I always felt in my soul that he was leading a double life. And I thought I was the insane one. This is a highly functioning narc who is psychotic and belongs in a mental institution. I changed my phone number, exposed to him that I now know who he is and assured him that I spoke with my attorney who advised me to do nothing with this and run the hell away. I could have this man put in prison for what he is doing and he is a threat to National Security because of the position he holds in the Government. Now, I just pray that he does not show at my front door. I have two plans, and they are not pretty. My ace is that he is afraid of me. I have proven to be stronger than him. He is and has been challenged by that. He knocks down women, including his poor wife and has found someone he considers just like him – me. He deems me as close to perfect as he has ever found, but I’ve got an advantage over him. He “fell” for me when we first met and turned this “affair” into a cyber affair and held me captive with promises, make and break dates, sexy texting, seductive emails. I fell for it. I too, had self-worth issues. No longer. I got into therapy and I am stronger, altho he goes thru my mind and now that I have found that he impersonated someone else takes this to a different level for me. Ladies, get help for yourself. He is a soul rapist and an emotional vampire. Knowledge is power! I Googled every article on Narcs and I have power today. I confronted him via email and my feeling is he is shaking over there. He knows what I could do to his life. I won’t. I can’t. I believe in Karma. I believe he will die an emotionally excruciatingly painful death. And, unfortunately, his wife is going down with him. I will not. I will survive. I grew up thru this. I came in a broken down child. I am a woman today, altho still have my deep issues to deal with.

  9. Maria Jamieson Says:

    Finally found the answer to the mystery! He’s a Somatic Narcissist! He moved to my city three years ago and met me straight away. Seemed to be over the moon about finding me after 42 years. But I was clearly imperfect. I look my age (late 60s) while he looks 40 and handsome and sexual magnetism that gets women half his age turning for a second look! He’s a year younger but nobody guesses this. We were together three years. The first two years, all the love and fawning over me turned me off and I tried to escape but couldn’t seem to get out of his web Then he found my weak spot. Jealousy. With a silent “gotcha”he hooked me in. I had one more year of him, but now I was in hell. Enjoyed his sexuality–even though he’s impotent–but insecurity, mistrust, bad dreams, waking nightmares, suspicion, loss of confidence, didn’t dare to socialise where there were women, gave up my activities he was envious of, all the while being showered with compliments followed by criticism. Listened to my intuition and consulted a leading Clairvoyant and got the whole shocking story. Two regular mistresses from his coffee lounge trawling, plus short affairs of one or two weeks from dating sites. Age 30s to 60s. Followed this up with professional surveillance. The investigator said he’d been hired by another lady a year ago. An older lady in her 70s who had given him money as she was besotted, then he dropped her after picking a fight. All the while I was, I thought, the centre of his world. 8 weeks ago I kicked him out of my life and put a big sign over my telephone reminding me of the bad experiences. I am a yielding people- pleaser and I was still in love. He tried to win me back, and seduced me twice, but this time without pretense of love. Very cold. I have been helped enormously by my Homoeopathic doctor and by happy pills called Filisa, made from an African herb. I’ve just come out of the tunnel into the light. I hear that he has told people that I an a narcissist who turned promiscuous and he dropped me. My own mother was a destructive narcissist so I think something of that is in me to attract such a malicious con man. I’ve written about him to Crimestoppers because he is flat broke and won’t stop at one old lady. My inheritance is due next year and he knew that.
    The phone rejects his calls, but in the night he haunts my thoughts. Each time I play the Doreen Virtue cord cutting CD he tries to make contact. Feels disconnected I guess. This is a psychic game with Narcissism, they are soul vampires. That’s why ladies take so long to recover. Thanks to the Filisa I’m no longer sad when I think of him in the night. The mask of Mr Hyde was wonderful but Dr Jeckyl is scary indeed!


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