The Hidden Myth of Dating a Married Man

The more I share my story and the more I write about it, the more women I meet who have been in my same situation. I was lucky enough to get out of it, and the reason I keep writing my articles and keep counseling women is because when I was dating a married man (over 3 years) I was as blind as many of you. And I needed help from someone who understood what I was going through.

The Myth

People are quick to judge. Specially women, we are our worse enemies when it comes to judging others. So it is very easy to judge that friend, that co worker, your sister, etc when she becomes involved with a married man. However the story leading up to it, can charm even the harshest critic of all.

I will never forget one day crying over the shoulder of a very good friend of mine, asking him why this man that I had been dating for so long, and loved so much, didn’t choose me. Instead he stayed with his wife even though he didn’t love her (or so I thought) the way he loved me. My friend asked me what was it that made me fall in love with this man in the first place, and my answer was “He treated me like a princess”, to my surprise his answer was “no dear, he treated you like a mistress”.

That was the biggest eye opener that I ever had in this ordeal. He was so right. He never treated me like a princess, he showered me with attention and wonderful details because that’s all he could give me at the time. He needed to make up for those times when he wasn’t going to be able to be around. Like weekends, holidays, special occasions, so of course he had to send the biggest bouquet of flowers for Valentine’s. It was his way of making himself present, even though he was spending it at a romantic dinner with his wife. I on the other hand was alone in my apartment day dreaming of the day that we would spend special occasions together.

So I finally understood. The myth behind it all is that we are being treated in ways that none of us deserve to be treated. But we are enjoying it, or so we think. What we don’t realize at the moment is that the price to pay is VERY high.

We are allowing them to destroy our lives. We are putting our lives on hold, waiting for them to come to terms with a decision that will never happened. MARRIED MEN DON’T LEAVE THEIR WIVES. YOU are NOT the exception.

I started realizing this, one day when I was telling my friends that he had told me that his life was not worth living without me and that he was going to talk to his wife and move out. Finally leave her.

My friends looked at each other and one of them said “Do you know how many times you have told us the same story over the course of 3 years?” I suddenly realized I had wasted 3 years of my life. I was never going to get back those 3 years. I had declined nice offers in the hopes that this man that I had loved so much would finally choose me.

Finally I decided to choose myself. I needed to stop the nonsense. So for one final time I confronted him. Asked him to look me in the eye and tell me if he ever was going to leave his wife. This came as a surprise to him. I always thought he had so many problems with his wife already, I didn’t want to be one more. I wanted to be the most understanding loving person in his life. But I was completely forgetting about myself. SO I had never confronted him with such questions before.

Finally he said NO. No I am not leaving my family.

Why did I believe him this time? Because I had chosen to. The answer had always been there. I just kept justifying the fact that he had other things going in his life. Finally I opened my eyes and realized this was not the life I wanted for myself. Even if it meant to be alone. I needed to re group and feel worthy again.

If you are in a relationship with a married man you are only wasting your precious time. These years or months or days you are investing in this relationship, will never come back.

Be strong, walk away with what you have left and re invent yourself. It is NEVER too late to stop someone from hurting you.

If you need help or more advice on this issue talk to me at: http://coaching.bitwine.com” style=”color:#7897b4;font-size:11px;align:left”>Online Coaching Networkhttp://coaching.bitwine.com/advisors/36217-trobouin?auid=36217&ctx=button&start_session=true”> src=”http://coaching.bitwine.com/presence/1/trobouin.gif” border=”0″ alt=”trobouin@BitWine”>>