So You’ve Dumped Your Boyfriend…now What?

If you have been reading any of my writings (I’m at a loss to any reason why you wouldn’t be), you’ve finally managed to put down your cheesecake long enough to get rid of you loser boyfriend. Kudos to you madam. However, you must once again turn to the internet to get advice on what to do after the breakup. Honey, I won’t leave you hanging. Once again, I’m here to dispense useful and relevant advice on what you can now do with the rest of your miserable, lonely life. (I hope that wasn’t too harsh).

1. Throw Out Your Ex-BoyfriendsStuff

   Keeping his keepsakes can make you feel really bad. If you can’t sell it on eBay, then toss those bad memories.

2. Erase His Numbers

   Read more in Dating

   « My Adventures in Online Hell, Oops, I Mean Dating

   Three Signs He’s Cheating »

   You might have a moment of weakness (horny) and call the loser. Erase ANY number that is associated to your ex. If he orders Dominoes’, erase the number!

3. Get a Pet

   You have a heck of a lot of love to give. Adopt a pet. Just remember, the new pet is not a man and shouldn’t be treated like one: i.e. playing dress up, kissing on the snout, sleeping in the same bed cuddled up real close.

4. Join a Gym

   I bet you gain some depression pounds. Go to the gym and work out that lard butt you’ve developed. You can also work out your pent-up aggressions by breaking a sweat.

5. Go to therapy

   You probably have some issues anyway because you couldn’t hold on to your loser boyfriend. That’s what the entire psychiatric community is based on!

6. Shave Your Head

   Britney Spears showed us that radical haircuts can be a good thing.

7. Take a Vacation

   If you don’t have the money to take a real trip, you can just “trip” out. That’s a vacation from sanity

8. Quit Your Job

   Declare your independence by chucking your job. That should show him!

9. Rebound

   Hook up with the first man that gives you the eye. Rebound men are usually “winners” in my book.

10. Pull a “Terry McMillan”

    I admit, doing some of the things that Terry McMillan’s characters gets away with in “Waiting to Exhale” could (definitely) get you arrested. I don’t recommend too strongly this option unless you have really taken a vacation from sanity.

This article (just in case you didn’t know) is for satirical purposes only and shouldn’t be taken seriously. I have no formal training other than I already think I know it all. However, I do have a way with words and like to write, publish and make money from various endeavors. If you have recently dumped a loser, you have already done at least one good thing for yourself, the rest should (and must) be up to you.