Seven Rules to End Your Relationship with Less Pain

There is no standard procedure for ending your relationship, as there is none for starting one. Every relationship starts with its unique course of action, which, luckily or not, changes its course against our initial desires.

We all said sometime that the man we break up with is very different from the man we fell in love with. The most of the time, him and her (or maybe… him and him or her and her) see each other as an ideal person, they have big expectations from each other and they believe things that other person doesn’t. Because of these reasons, one day the relationship ends.

The tensions and disagreements between you run very high until the moment you break up, so I developed a small guide with the “Don’t”s  that ease the breaking-up process.

1. Don’t run from the truth

We know it’s difficult to break-up with someone especially when you’re the one that’s saying good bye. No matter how hard it seems to be it’s the best way for both of you. Face him, don’t avoid that. That means no e-mails, phone calls, letters or friends helping you. Don’t try to duck. Just tell him straight what you don’t like about the relationship and clarify if it is just a temporary break-up or a permanent one.

2. Don’t delay things forever

If you’re waiting for the right moment to say :”That’s it ! I’m moving to my mom!”… and that moment never comes, then NOW it’s the right moment. There is no magic moment when things will work out automatically. Show some responsibility and say: “Enough!”. Delaying things will only lengthen your suffering.

3. Don’t make any proof less considerations

In the beginning, he looked like a successful man with blonde hair and blue eyes but now you see he is not so blonde, he’s swivel eyed and definitely long term unemployed. You don’t have to tell him that. Try to stay objective. Tell him what bothers you but don’t get into details. These details will only create more reasons to fight (you can’t expect him to understand that his mother cooks awful). Think that maybe you’ll need him in the future. Be reasonable and don’t turn him into an enemy.

4. Do not lie

Keep it simple, don’t complicate things. There is no use telling you’re breaking up with him because of the planets shifting, when in fact you’re in love with the neighbor next door or you’ve seen him kissing with that blonde seller from the store down street. Be honest with him. In the end, he’ll find out your lies and that’s just going to make things worse. Lying is the best way to make your problems even bigger and that’s the last thing you want when braking up.

5. Don’t act

Don’t try to be aggressive or sympathetic to him. Try to be credible when you explain the reasons you want to brake up with him. Being pitiful in a relationship will only emphasize your partner’s frustrations. So don’t consider the brake-up process as a sketch were you can show off but consider it a phase of your relationship that has to be dealt in a responsible, mature way.

6. Don’t hurry with the “we stay friends” phrase.

Most modern couples think that after breaking up they can remain friends as they were before felling in love. That’s a beautiful way to think… but don’t expect him to answer your calls 37 times a day the way he was doing it in the beginning. Also don’t expect him to send you flowers on occasions. Oh… and he’s not going to invite you to have dinner with him on Sunday. Your friendship is now totally different. And if you are able to stay friends don’t expect things to settle down in the first week. Let the wounds heal naturally first.

7. Don’t make the scene with your new boyfriend so soon.

Let me put it this way: don’t send engagement invitations three hours after you told him good bye… not even if your new boyfriend is the heir of the British throne. Be reasonable. You wouldn’t like to be replaced in less then 24 hours either. So let time heal all wounds and then be sure that you’ll enjoy your new love without shouting about it.