My Secrets for Dating a Married Man
This is my list of how to date someone that is married and keep your sanity and also, how to make him yours!
- Never forget the reality of the situation. He is married. At the end of the day, he goes home to his wife and you sleep alone.
- Take things as they come, don’t ever press for answers or change.
- Don’t cut yourself off from the dating world. If someone catches your eye and he is available, go for it.
- Never make ultimatums that you don’t intend to follow through on.
- Share with someone that you trust. It can be very isolating because of the inherent secrecy and people’s judgments.
- Don’t chase him, let him come to you.
- Do not become a stalker. You gain nothing by driving by his house and the like.
- Don’t settle with this. If you need or want more from a relationship go out and get it.
- Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed, but you may be pleasantly surprised.
- He isn’t committing to you, so don’t commit to him.
- Never judge his wife, you are not in her shoes and you don’t know her side.
- Don’t get pregnant or fake a pregnancy in order to force change.
- Never bring up something about you and he in the distant future. Planning for next week is fine, but planning that Spring vacation is taboo.
- Become a good listener and that includes noticing body language.
- Be positive as much as possible.
- 16. Never, never push.
- Don’t ask questions that you may not like the answers too.
- Make the time that you have special.
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March 21st, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I agree with you. The cheating husband wants his cake and eat it too. Well, why not you as well, have your cake and eat it too! I agree with see him but see others, he is NOT committed to you, you don’t have to commit to him. I have never dated a married man, however, right now I am considering one man. AND will not commit to him but will enjoy the moment and face what comes with dignity.
April 18th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
I have dated married men my entire adult life (20yrs plus) and well lets just say its a good thing cause i dont have to be committed to any body so for all of those who thinks its wrong try it you may like it
April 27th, 2008 at 9:39 am
Marriage doesn’t have the meaning it did 20 years ago as the dynamic of relationships evolves. This is really good advice in a world where no one wants to admit that this situation is becoming commonplace.
April 30th, 2008 at 1:50 pm
I am in a relationship with a married man and it
is the worst thing I ever did. I will never do
this again. They cheat on their wife and they will
cheat on you. Please never stoop so low because
that is how you will feel after time.
April 30th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
I’ve just split up with a married man. We have been dating for 1,5 year. It was great. I didn’t know about this pieces of advice but tried to behave according to them. I promised myself not to wait for him.. not to push.. not to cry when he is going home.. not to fall in love. Now, they are in the middle of divorce - not because of me, but because of her. She decided to start a new chapter in her life, without kids and husband. But our relationship’s got worse.. maybe because I’ve fall in love. I know he is the one. But I can not be any longer an entertaining cake. I’ve been depressed. Now he is telling he is not ready for a relationship. He asked me to wait a bit.. maybe a year, maybe longer.. I understand. But I’m not going to wait! In the name of what? In the name he will decide in one year time he is still not ready?! I’ll take my time. It’s not easy to get what you want outside, even there are many men, who are trying to pick you up.. I’ve already managed to spoil 3 relations.. because of being in love in the only one.. I’m not going to waste any more time. I said I quit. And it’s not fair to make me stay if he doesn’t want me! I have a feeling he may cheat me as he cheated his wife.. I’m afraid there’s no future for affairs. Let them be short and sweet. Let them die when they still full of excitement, colors, passion..
May 1st, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I am in a relationship with a married man. He tells me that he has never met anyone he loves as much as me but that he cannot leave his wife because he has small children. He used to say a year, then he said two years and now he is unsure. So, as it becomes apparent that he is using me, all in the name of love, I am confused. When I try to break it off, he swears that he loves me more than anything in the world. I feel stupid for falling for this and alone because I really care about him. I will never tell his wife because I can’t imagine causing her that kind of pain. I never wanted to hurt her, I just fell in love with him. I am really struggling to have the strength to break this off. This is not love. This is not worth it. If you are thinking about doing this…just don’t.
May 1st, 2008 at 5:45 pm
I have never dated a married man before now. Before our actual date we had several email, text and phone conversations in which he always seemed excited to have. This went on for weeks. Now since the date everything dropped off. Only one response to how hot and great he thought I was. On the date I pretty much laid out that I thought it would be more of a sexual than emotional relationship. Mostly because he’s married, but also because that would simply be better for me right now. He seemed fine with it. But after the date - which was great - I have heard very little from him. A post-date flirty email and that was it until I sent another to say hello, which he responded to by saying he liked being with me.
My question is: did I misread the attraction? I thought the whole point was to have someone to have fun with on the side. Did my saying that what I really wanted was more of a sexual relationship turn him off? Is it possible that he wanted more from me emotionally? Should I have let him set the standards without stating my desires? His distance now seems strange for someone who was clearly attracted to me and enjoyed my company.
I read your rules and I don’t plan on contacting him first again. But what do these guys really want? Sex or emotional attachment? Isn’t emotional attachment what the already have with their wives? I’m not looking for love, I’m looking for fun and thought married men would make that easier. Is that no true?
May 2nd, 2008 at 4:17 am
i started dating a married man seven months ago. it’s all fun and games til your sitting at home by yourself on christmas and easter sunday. talk about a lesson in humility. nothing like spending all the major holidays by youself while he has his cake and eats it too. and married men are the worst at guilt trips. why is it that i should be so damn appreciative that he makes so much time for me. “MAKES TIME,” are you serious? a man should WANT to be with a woman not have to “make time,” for her as if she is some tedious, pain in the ass, task. cheating married AND seperated men make me sick.
May 2nd, 2008 at 11:10 pm
I have been with a married man for 9 months. It took me 1 1/2 months before we had sex, after that the L word was flying. I’ve know him for 17 years and he is a very good man with a big heart, very giving and now…very hard to give up. There has been no dates or promises made to him getting a divorce, but over New Years asked me to have patience and to wait. So how long will that be?? How long do you wait? How long do you torture yourself? You feel like a dog chasing his tail. Its a dead end road ladies. If your contemplating it PLEASE don’t do it. It has heartache written all over it. If your in it already pray and ask God to help you find the strength to leave the situation behind you. It’s not worth it. There is a good man out there that is Single. You deserve 100% not 50% or less.
May 15th, 2008 at 6:45 pm
I’m considering dating a married guy. Before we even started flirting he was talking to other mutual friends about leaving his wife and says he plans to do that within the next two months. In the past couple days we’ve had a couple dates and a very nice kiss. I’m embarrased that I’m allowing myself to go there. Fortunately, he is the one insisting that we wait to consummate our relationship until he’s filed for divorce.
more layers…he’s also 20 years older than me and his oldest child and I are the same age. He’s very close to his children and worried about how they would feel about him dating someone so young. But the connection, the chemistry and concern we have for each other is undeniable. I’m impressed that he’s asked me to wait for sex. But I’ve never been the other woman and have serious reservation about taking on that role right now. thanks to you all for having someplace to go and get support and advice about such a secret situation.
May 16th, 2008 at 12:58 am
So I’ve dated married men in the past. The first was when I was 24 and I fell totally in love - moved across the country too. He made all the promises and I was naive enough to believe them. Actually, that was the first and only time I’ve ever truly been in love. Then I met a man who was literally on his way out the door of his marriage. He had is own place and everything looked just fine - the house they had together was up for sale and she knew about me. But when he went over to sign the papers - well, he couldn’t do it. I got a call from her that evening telling me I was crazy if I were to believe for a moment she would allow him to give her up. Luckily, I didn’t fall in love with this guy but I did give him a black eye the next time we crossed paths.
After talking to a counselor I finally understood the first affair - he was 12 years my senior, very distinguished and had a strong character - obviously looking for someone to fill the void my father left. The second guy was more or less seperated but in reality that’s just a different state marriage for someone who is wanting to see if greener pastures really do exist. Both of these men I pushed and cried and whined and begged just thinking if I could be what they wanted me to be they would want me. Sounds crazy but that’s the truth and I was miserable the whole way through.
Listen, the aforementioned advice is well versed. Don’t wait for him to leave his wife and accept the fact you are in a relationship with someone who under no certain terms can offer you commitment at this moment. Sure go ahead and enjoy him, laugh, kiss, have sex, say “I love you” but always keep your senses about the whole thing. Remember, you choose to be in this situation and you can remove yourself if you so desire. He is the lucky one for having the opportunity to spend a moment in your world.
May 17th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
It hurts to be dating a MM. knowing you are on the losing side yet struggling to maintain your dignity. Its a dead end route. Enjoy and keep a clear head, remember theres no tomorrow. or just walkaway if feelings are building up inside ourself.
May 17th, 2008 at 9:37 pm
I’m seriously thinking of dating a married man. He is my best friend of 7 yrs. We love each other, but he has 2 kids and is not sure if he should divorce. He says he married her for the wrong reason (because she was pregnant) and wants out. But I’m not sure if he has the guts to leave. I’ve been practicing the steps that are outlined in this article, but I’m not sure if I want to actually pursue him. Furthermore, he talks about us being together in the near future. I don’t bring it up, I let him. If anyone could give me their take on my situation, it would be much appreciated. I plan to see him next weekend. Would sex be crossing the line. Should I stray away from talking about us??
May 18th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
I am fresh out a relationship with a married man and I feel good, better than I’ve felt in months. It feels good to leave while he begs me to come back. I still have my dignity which you’ll no doubt lose if you cling to their empty promises. His wife may not be good in bed, may not show him much appreciation, but they have HISTORY and if applicable, children together so nope, he won’t leave.
You’re worth much more than second best, which is exactly what we are when we stay in a relationship with a married man. Don’t be the side dish, a good man who’ll love you may be passing by. I have felt guilty in the past. No matter how much he say he loves you, the fact of the matter is, he’s going right home to lie in her bed after you give him your body. That makes a woman feel lower than low. You’re giving him all of you and what do you get in return? Nothing but sex and empty promises. Go for #1 position, you’ll never be #1 where a married man is concerned. No matter what he says you are being USED.
May 18th, 2008 at 11:03 pm
I am dating a married man, but we have not had sex yet. I am intrigued by the notion of a married man because I am independent, don’t want to change my life too much, but still want some easy going romance. I am concerned that if I sleep with him I will fall in love with him and end up with a broken heart. I’ve never been wired for casual sex; going to bed with a man has always been a big step toward moving forward in a relationship for me. Fortunately, he’s not pushing for it and we’re waiting until we both feel right about it.
What I am trying to make sure I understand is that if we love one another, sleep together and enjoy each other’s company, I will still be able to see the relationship for all that it really is, just a finite, limited relationship with virtually no possibility of marriage. On the other hand, I don’t necessarily believe that marriage is the be-all-end-all of happiness. If we can just love and respect one another and maintain perspective of what this relationship is — and never will be –, perhaps we can both be very happy with what we have. I hope so, but I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I’m young, independent, and unromantic. I don’t want to fall in love or have a relationship. I want someone who is very busy so I don’t have to spend too much time with them. Married men fit the bill perfectly and I’m not going to apologize, nor do I go looking for them. Do it if you won’t fall in love.
May 21st, 2008 at 7:23 pm
I never intended to date a married man either. Never wanted to, always wanted my own guy. I didn’t and still don’t want someone looking at me with those eyes that have so much (seemingly) behind them, then think that maybe he’s giving someone else that same look. Never knowing exactly what’s going on at home, if he’s telling the truth that they don’t get along, that they haven’t slept together in months. Because there’s always the chance that they are getting along today. But it happened. I resisited at first. Told him all the reasons why I didn’t want to get involved. Everything I told him that day still rings true. I bring it up everytime we hit an inpass.
1. You’d be too easy to fall for.
2. You don’t need this in your life if you already have issues.
3. I don’t want to be a secret.
4. It’d be more trouble than it’s worth.
5. I don’t want to hurt her, or me or you.
…on and on and on.
But then he said to me, “don’t you think you should do what makes you happy”.
And that has apparently been my excuse for the past 6 months. He does make me happy. He can read into my heart like I’ve never experienced. He wears his heart on his sleeve. I have started falling in love… I think I actually am. BUT…I talked to him yesterday, and it’s the same story. I told him I wouldn’t be in this situation in six months. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I had to say, I’ve been dating a married man for a year and I love him to boot. He thought that sounded like an ultimatum. I told him it really wasn’t, that I was just letting him know where I stood. Just like he let me know he couldn’t be on a time frame. It’s funny how you hear about this kinda thing and think, what’s that girls’ problem, doesn’t she know what’s going on, but when it’s you and the man you love, it’s a totally different situation. Love is love, and love can be blind–or just what you want to see.
May 24th, 2008 at 2:58 pm
I am going out with someone married. we met in college even tho it was his last year there and he’s been married 2.5 years. he told me in jnuary his wife wanted divorce but they would wait until she gets her green card in november. meanwhile, hes asking me to wait an dbe patient. i love him so much, hes the first man i had sex with and he hasnt told me that he loves me, he says its hard for him right now and he still ahs feelings for his wife, but that he has feelings for me.
its a torture to be waiitng for him to call or write to me . he says hes busy and cant talk online when she’s home and we can’t have long calls. it hurts so much at night to think hes back home with her, even tho we slept together for about 8 months. i cant go see him until the divorce things gets settled, and now hes not even sure hes getting divorced cause things are working out with his wife again. its very painful and im trying so hard to breka things up with him, but i dont have the strenght nd i love him so much. im an idiot to think we’ll actually meet up whenever he gets divorced (if at all) and we’ll start a relationship
May 25th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
I am intrigued by #16’s comments. I have been in love with someone for 3 years, going on 4. It was an intense, mutual attraction from day 1. Although we are very close, we have never been physically intimate yet because he is married and we are well known in the community. His wife and I are also “friends” but not close. I like her and I would never want to ruin her marriage or hurt her. I have a great deal of admiration and respect for this man. I know he is not happy in his marriage, because he has said this much, in public. But he is reluctant to hurt his family by abandoning his wife or having an affair. I know he is lonely or he would not be seeking me out for friendship, companionship, soul-mate type sharing of our deepest feelings, fears, and dreams.
Sounds corny and headed for disaster, I know. I am a very beautiful, educated, professional. I have had many offers for other dates and relationships with single men. But no one makes me feel the way he does. I have resolved that I will live the rest of my life alone if I cannot be with him.
Sure,sounds silly and like a hopeless romantic. Believe me, I have been around and around, testing myself, judging myself, should I move on or stay? The answer is always, stay. Someone that special is worth waiting for, and even if there is no future, the precious times we enjoy together are worth it.
Yet we are all human and we have emotions and needs, and sometimes a spouse cannot meet all of your needs. It is your guilt and compassion that keeps you there. And your being human that makes you want more. If a couple is truly in love and they respect one another, and refrain from sex to keep things “clean” I think they are to be commended. After all we are human and we don’t know why we fall in love. When we find it, it is a rare and beautiful experience, as long as no one is getting hurt, why not appreciate the time you have together? Life is short and special people don’t come along every day. Who are we,to judge others? We don’t know how they hurt in an unhappy marriage, their feelings of being torn between their children, spouse and their lover?
I know couples who started out as an affair and ended up happily married when everyone finally found their strength to admit the truth. It is not easy and not all are happy endings.
I say, do not miss the chance to love as long as no one is getting hurt. As for your own pain, don’t expect too much and you will never be disappointed. Pain is not from loving too much, pain is from jealousy and feelings of abandonment. Get your own issues taken care of, live a full and rich life, take care of yourself first and all else will fall into place when the timing is right.
May 26th, 2008 at 3:06 am
Girls out there, my advice is, NEVER, I SAY, NEVER get urself involved with a married man. Love is like fire in the bush, once you start it, its hard to control. I met this young, handsome man who immediately told me he is married. I vowed never to entertain him, but then he started calling now and again and before i even knew it i had already started falling in love. Now i just love him and am not even so sure how to leave him. We are just so close. We spend 95% of our time together. Even the wife has started admitting that, thats the way the husband should live.The more i love him, the more i have jealous over him. I usually want to be with him every second. I am just in love BUT i really want to stop this. I dont know how. Please if there are women there who are about to fall for a married man, DONT try, YOU will regret. There are there BUT they dont want any commitment.
REMEMBER: If he is cheating his wife with you, he will definately cheat on you.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:40 am
#17 sounds like we are with the same man…..except we have been physical together 2 years and have been in love for 11 years. I hear all the same stories….”don’t you think you should do what makes you happy?” “the heart loves when the heart loves and we cannot control who our hearts love.” “life is so short to not be happy.” He cries when I try to leave him, when I try to give up on this and begs me to wait for our life because we will always be together. My heart hurts each night as we say good night. I just sit and pray for guidance and strength to make the right decisions. Last of all, I pray for forgiveness.
May 27th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
i have been in a relashonship if thats what u call it with a married man for two years we didnt spend much time together at the begining it was once a week or month now we are together everyday i get holidays and birthdays i even get some nights we get along great i love him so much ive never told him that and alot of your tips are so true he has never told me he was gonna leave her we kinda have an understanding i guess thats what you call it i never talk about his wife or ask questions about them the other day i met her for the first time and seen what she looked like and wonder to myself why he cheats on her and seeing her and being around her was kind of weird he owns a bussines and i was up there doing a project for him and she came to bring him lunch i knew it was her because ive been in her car severl times i never thought we would be face to face like that and being the other woman really suckd at that moment because reality set in that hell never be just mine
May 30th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I posted earlier that I was contemplating dating a married man. Well I wouldn’t call us dating. I’m not sure what we are. I am sure that I am done with his bull…I guess I’m just not cut out for this type of relationship. I need more attention and he just can’t give me that. Not because of his wife, they are pretty much separated, but because he obviously doesn’t want me or her. He doesn’t want a relationship with anyone period. He’s getting a divorce and I’m not willing to wait around for him to settle down with again. I kindof lost site of rule#6. Let him come to you. I honestly didn’t think I was chasing. Maybe I sent one too many text messages. Lol. Either way I’m letting it go. I have someone who actually cares about me and if my so called bestfriend of 7yrs (the married man)cared half as much he would be more attentive. It’s truely sad that I’m being forced to not only end this affair, but also our friendship. I haven’t said anything to him about this. Does anyone think I should tell him that I want to end the affair and our friendship?
May 31st, 2008 at 7:56 pm
Well, I have been dating a married man for about 6 months. I too wait by the phone, wonder what he is doing and would like more of his time. He has been married for 30 years and his wife is not interested in this amazing man any longer. If he leaves now, he will be forced to give up half of everything he has worked for, she has never worked outside of the home so, he would take care of her because he is a good guy and beleive it or not I understand that. I see how this works and how who I am at 40 is not who I was 20 or 30 when I was married. I have a career and can keep myself busy so he is not my whole life. My problem is that, I am making a sacrifice for us to be together and if I thought he cheated on my…….it would break my heart
June 1st, 2008 at 7:31 pm
Never date a married man. They lie to you and their wife - wanting to have the best of both worlds. i.e. the life of a single man and the pleasures of being married. They will tell you anything you want to hear to keep you available for sex outside of their marriage. They love the thrill of keeping such a big secret from their family. It can be an adrenaline rush for some guys. I finally wised up after dating a married man that I dearly loved for 2 years - waiting and waiting for him to finally decide that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It never happened. Ironically, his wife found out about us right after I broke up with him, and she has kicked him out and wants a divorce. But even if he begged me to come back I wouldn’t do it now. I don’t want to be his last choice.
June 2nd, 2008 at 10:36 am
Ive been seeing a married man for about 8 months. its honestly the best sex ive ever had in my life thats why i cant stop. i love spending time with him, im so happy. in some sick way i wish he would admit he has feelings for me but he never would. im so tired of waiting around and always wondering what hes doing or even if hes seeing other girls! its so wrong but i cant let go. i know deep down what i have to do but the words just dont come out when i want them too.
June 3rd, 2008 at 1:24 am
My story echos all the other postings. I can’t believe that there are women out there who share the same story as I. I wish I had the strength to leave my MM. He consumes so much of my life. Also, he is many years my senior, therefore he is also a father to me. I believed the lies–the divorce is coming right after he sells this and that, or “soon baby we’ll be together”. I know in my heart it won’t happen but I can’t seem to pull away. I take advantage of all the trips to Europe, the money, the sweet letters but ultimately I sleep alone while he sleeps with his wife in there beautiful condo in Manhattan. Oh yes of course he thinks about me while we’re apart–yeah right! For any girl out there interested in a MM, please re consider. This is such a slippery slope-more like quicksand and if you are not strong it can consume you. I have tried to walk away in the past but I couldn’t. But in my heart I know I need to. I hope I have the strength.
-Simone
June 3rd, 2008 at 10:25 am
#21 Yup, I’m with that man to. I’ve been dating a married man for the past 11 months. We met at work and he was posted in my country for the past 3 years. The wife he’s with right now, they’ve been married for a year but been together for 7. They got married 1 month before we first met. At first, I didn’t want to do it, the guilt was too big. But seeing each othe all day monday-friday at work, we ended up flirting, text messaging each other, emailing and before I know it, we started seeing each other even on weekends. Stealing an hour on the weekends just to for a quick lunch. Or stealing time after work just to spend time. Yes, I’m in love with him. He left, back to his country about February this year… and I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing. He cried and begged me to never leave him and give him a chance because he said we’re Kismet aka soulmates. So i gave in and stayed with him. He is everything that I want and he is all i need, other than the fact that he is married, no kids yet, but still MARRIED!
I tried to break up again with him last week. He said no matter what happens he’s coming back to get me and bring me back to his country to be with him. He’s coming back soon… but I don’t think I will see him… I’m in love with him and wish I’m not. Because it sucks to know that at the end of the day, all I get is whatever time he got away from his wife. I’m still second. I’m leaving him eventually, I’m doing it slowly… and yes I pray everyday so someday I’ll be strong enough to leave him for good. Because, I’m starting to realise that… he will never ever leave his wife, no matter how much he says he will. He never ever will… Girls out there, I’m not gonna tell you don’t. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake in life, cos if you’ve never done anything wrong, u wont ever know what’s right.
June 5th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I agree completely with number 16, thats exactly what i’m looking for!
June 5th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
I have been dating a married man for more than 2 years and I have tried desperately to split up with him many times. I know it is only the sexual attraction between us that makes us come back for more but why is it I can’t give that up and believe there is someoneout there better for me. This one is very controling and I feel as though he has brainwashed me and that is why I have problems walking away. I have only been with abusive relationships in my life and my therapist tells me I shouldn’t even be in a relationship because my head is so messed up. Could it be messed up from this twisted love affair with this married man that has been causing all the heartache?
They always say there has never been no one like you to fulfill my sexual needs. You fulfill my wildest dreams…blah…blah…blah. well it is a bunch of crap! I have been fooled into thinking that there is no one out there for me and yet I won’t walk away from this twisted affair I am in.
The only thing that has come from it…. I have been working on a erotic-romance novel that has a murder mystery in it and I hope to publish it someday. The story is fiction but much of my ideas came from this crazy mixed up relationship I have with this married man. I havve written over 30,000 words for the book and my mind just won’t shut off in writing it. I may have to make more than one sequel to it if I keep this rate up.
June 6th, 2008 at 9:35 pm
We all love are MM. My MM has been “into me” for 7years. We just now became a thing about 8months ago. Took about 2mo for sexual things to happen. I wouldn’t go there. Then I did. Now I am in love. There’s so many questions so many things we should talk about but we don’t. He is so “risky”. It’s like he wants to get caught because he won’t leave her. I’ve said no many times - because it was so risky. I broke it off once. I fell back into him. He plays the protective role - doesnt like other men looking at me or if they bother me—we work together - but in soo different areas. we went almost 5years without ’seeing’ eachother-he saw me everyday. I didn’t see him. These other postings are right! If you show that you care about him-he show distance-he loves the chase. he acts like a boyfriend. i dont give my options up. he thinks i’m nto him and only him. he doesnt know who I see on the side- i lie about it. he would get upset. what do we do? who do we turn to??
I am 33. I have everything going for me. It is obvious to my mm that I dont need him - I take care of my own business. He wants to be needed in our relationship and wants to show that he will protect me… I dont understand it all.
I’m also flattered. Before we were involved sexually he chased me and I ignored it - but he is in a position that requires sooo much of his time and he has so much on his plate - he barely has time for his family. then makes time for me. with the exception of kids. we haD a kid rule. which was broken. of coarse it was. he cant come over when i have my kids - he doesnt come over when he has his kids. that lasted a month or two.
i don’t know what to do…where are the answers. we do care about eachother so much. but what do we do????
June 7th, 2008 at 9:23 pm
Dating a married man really weird.Ive been involved for about 9 months and he is completly honest about the situation. But i still manage to stick around.In my opinion it is not a good idea for the simple reason that you are and will always feel second best. Not to mention very lonley. And in the back of your mind even if he was to end up with you would you go crazy thinking he could be doing it to you. Hey once a dog always a dog.
June 8th, 2008 at 12:59 pm
we all seem to have the same sad story which is why i am on this site. hoping for the inspiration to stop my own affair with a mm. why is it that sex seems so much better and feelings more intense with a mm than any of our normal relationships? because there is nothing real about it except for sharing(usually by phone) our daily lives. it is easy to share your inner thoughts and fears with someone in a “controlled” relationship. we don’t have to fight over kids, politics,deal with financial situations or argue over our next vacation. there is no real balance. both of us are feeding into eachothers unhealtiest needs to give the relationship some credence. it is wrong for all of us simply because we’ve all heard the warnings going in and are doing this simply out of boredom and insecurity and worst of all WE ALL KNOW THAT.sometimes things get tough in life and we reach out for love. when we are desperate enough we will take it from anywhere. i do not think it helps to emotionally beat oneself up over this choice, but i do believe we will all get our self-esteem and strength back when we stop compromising ourselves. i know we will all feel better without this type of love. we get sick over it and overimagine because deep down we know it’s not right. we play mental games to convince ourselves to just enjoy the moment. there cannot be a happy ending even if we get them to leave their marriages. yes, chances are they will cheat again and we will only find out the hardest way what a jerk they really are. we also know that without being told we feel worse in this helpless situation. the world can get very lonely even when we are surrounded with people and we fall fast for instant happiness. like a drug, the need for love can be so powerful. in reading all of the above, i will say that nobody is happy in their affair and all for the same basic reasons. we are giving chunks of ourselves to someone who still gets in bed everynite with the person they claim they don’t really want to be with. not with us. most of their energy is going into their primary relationship, their marriage. and if it’s bad, it just takes more of their energy. we are settling for the crumbs. i keep remembering something a phsychology proffessor in college said,” love should not hurt.” it sounds like we are all in pain.
June 10th, 2008 at 8:02 am
I’ve been married about 10 yrs now and not happy at all. Things are going from bad to worse at home, and then out of the blue I met this really attractive young lady at my workplace recently! I got her number and we call and txt each other constantly. Our relationship is heating up and moving fast and our first kiss was so magical! At first my attraction to her was purely physical and I love everything about her: her hair, nails, clothes, the way she walks and talks, etc. etc. but as I got to know her intimately I love her as a person and I want so much more of her! I feel depressed some times when I think about the people I’ve hurt and sometimes I wish she can meet someone who can give her 110%. I pray for their forgiveness but I am so in love with her that I can’t let her go! She is everything that a man can want and more! I need some advice on how to break off this relationship as gently as possible…
June 10th, 2008 at 6:37 pm
Huh..I looked up dating a married guy and found this.Im 37 and he is almost 50. I have found him attractive for years and he happens to be one of my Dads best friends. Go figure. The 3 of us went out to dinner the other night and my dad left us there. Bad idea. We hooked up. That night and then the next at his house. Apparently, he and his wife are separated but hell you never know. Do I feel guilty? Sorry to say no. I have no idea why. He does now though. Told me what a great time he had but it was “bad fun”. True,it was but to me it was still fun. Now I have to(for me) not text him. I have, but no response.That to me means no more.It is a bummer for me because I really like him and have for a long time. I deleted his number off my phone but I know his number by heart anyway so that doesn’t help. I just turn my phone off at night when I get lonely so I don’t text. All this and I KNOW I will be running into him because as I said he is friends with my dad. Sucky. I wouldn’t do it again. Well with him maybe,but anyone else no. It just sucks. Knowing he is at his house without his wife(she is 1000 miles away) and he feels guilty. Wish I would have never gone out dinner with them and I wouldn’t have to feel this way.
June 11th, 2008 at 6:36 am
You seem confused! the easiest way to break it off is to stop texting and calling! Whatever you do, do NOT tell her how you really feel about her! Just keep it sex only and you should be fine! I know this sounds cold but its the only way to keep your sanity! Also, don’t beat yourself up cause we’re all human.
June 11th, 2008 at 7:21 pm
I am dating a married man and I am married as well. My husband travels for three weeks at a time and is never available for me when he comes home. I have never loved anyone as much as I love the person I am seeing, he says he has the same feelings for and that he feels horrible for hurting his wife`s feelings. He has told her he wanted to leave and she called lots of members of his church to talk to him and get him into counseling. I do not pressure him because I am not ready to leave my husband. We agreed that we will make the changes in our lives because we had already experienced and concluded that the marriage was over, then we will take time to build upon what we have. HOWEVER, I fear he will never separate from his wife, he might just drag this forever and I do not feel strong enough to end the relationship. He has recently rented an apartment and we have been furnishing it slowly so that he can feel stronger about maybe moving there - some days he tells me he is ready to break up with her and some days he says he feels very guilty about leaving. I am SO confused! I know he has feelings for me and that he probably wants to end all this but we just cannot do it. I pray to God that we will find an answer soon. My husband is the rudest person ever but he is there in many ways when I need him. I have seen people falling in love and staying together forever but I know it is very rare. He is all I want in my life and I would file for divorce today if I knew he would be there for me.
June 13th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I am dating a married man. We knew each other a long time ago and just picked up where we left off by accident. He swears that he will get a divorce but is concerned about his kids. He takes me on work trips and meets me as much as he can. I love him and he says he loves me. For the first time I felt ashamed yesterday, when we arrived a the airport and had to separate before baggage claim so he could meet his family. I was mortified. This is the lonliest relationship I have ever been in.
June 13th, 2008 at 11:29 pm
I cant take it anymore. Ive been seeing a married man and hes all i can think about. His wife got suspicious and now he wants to “slow down”. I havent spoken to him in about a week. I miss his but i have to keep it to myself. I wish i could get out of it but its so hard. Any Advice??
June 14th, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I “dated” a married man a long time ago and swore I’d never do it again. He broke my heart. I fell head over heels in love with him. I guess he was different then most of them because he never made promises or really lied to me. But I couldn’t take it anymore. Holidays alone, sneaking around, wanting to be with him more and more. I closed myself off for years from even caring about anyone else. Gained alot of weight to protect myself from the outside world. A few months ago I met a MM at work and sparks started flying between us. We admitted how we feel but he is not a cheater and I don’t want to play the other woman role again. So, we said we will be friends only. It is hard, we are so drawn to each other and have so much in common. We have the same sense of humor. I adore him and he seems to adore me. Our co-workers can tell and make comments “in a joking way” that there is something going on between us. We tried to back off, stay away from each other but we were both miserable. I need him and he needs me. We try not to ever be anywhere alone as to avoid the temptation of crossing the line.
June 14th, 2008 at 4:17 pm
I have been seeing a married man for 6 years, when we started I was married also, I got divorced a year ago, now he has moved out, he said leaving his wife has nothing to do with me, they have been married for 20 years and with problems maybe 15. Now they are two small boys in the picture, I have one child myself. Since he has moved out she is giving him the guilt trip for abandoning the kids, he is a great father and a very emotional person, but he has told her he is not in love with her anymore and he can’t take anymore of all the things she has put him through all these years, he can’t ignore them anymore and he wants to be happy, now she is saying she wants to work things out after not being intimate for almost 4 years and living in separate rooms for 2 years, they had tried counseling before didn;t work, she does not know I exist, no one knows, in the meantime I am sitting here waiting, he says he wants to married me, he has been there for me for the past 6 years, I am so stressed seeing him going through this, my divorce was easy, my husband and I agreed it was time to moved on, he thought his will be the same, now she is using the kids against him and she is being difficult, I don’t know what to do, I am in love with him and he is worth it but is it fair to me to sit here and wait?
June 14th, 2008 at 4:48 pm
I too am just out of a relationship with a married man. Honestly? It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. He started with the Love words too, he gave me nothing but letdowns, disappointments, broken promises, made plans knowing he wouldn’t be able to make it, stood me up, etc….Then, if that wasnt bad enough, you would think that his wife and I was enough. However, we weren’t and he was seeing OTHER people too. Lying, cheating man all the way! I’m sorry I fell for him, I’m sorry I ever went to meet him that first time. It’s a lonely, lonely road to travel, girls. You’re gonna get sucked in and when he leaves you, he’s going back to his bed that he shares with his wife, the house he shares with her, his life he shares with her, and their kids. So, really, really think about it. It isn’t worth the heartache and pain.
June 15th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I am #13 and #23. I am proud to say I cut him off!! He was way too inconsistent for me. I need more out of a relationship and out of life. I’m young and don’t have the patience. Plus, I think he was cheating on me with another woman. I can’t speak for everyone. Honestly, I believe some women are with a married man who truly cares about them and will eventually leave their wives, yet for the few like me…he is a dog. It’s not worth it. I never allowed myself to get in so deep that i lost sight of me and what I really wanted. I continued to date the guy I had been with for 2yrs the whole time we had the affair. The only thing I regret is losing my friend. My MM and I were friends for 7yrs before the affair. Best friends at that. I really wish he would have just been completely honest with me, maybe then I would still be his friend. I can’t imagine ever forgiving him for his actions. There was never a reason for him to lie to me because he had no obligations to me. If you are dating someone your close to who’s married. Be aware that you may end up together…or you may lose a good friend. Is it really worth it? I would say no because I’m gonna miss his friendship so much. The sex was good, but I would rather have a shoulder to lean on than sex any day.
June 15th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
#43 You are so right about friendship being more important than good sex. I have a very close friendship with the MM I spoke about in my earlier post. One of the things that keeps us from crossing that line into the physical is not wanting to ruin a great friendship. Oh I’m sure the sex would be as good as the fantasy of it but I keep reminding myself that in the long run it wouldn’t be worth what we would lose. Maybe some day you and him will get the friendship back. I wish you the best.
June 15th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Wow, # 17! I swear u worte that for me. Im so seriously going crazyright now, but ut post just made things a lil easier. I will tell my entire story @ another time as I can’t rite now, but THANK YOU, really, all of u, for helpig me realize im not crazy for feeling what I feel and for not running away from him as fast as possible.
#21 sounds like my man to the tee! wow
June 16th, 2008 at 7:55 am
Well girls I have always believed that everyone should digest their situation before I stepping into the unknown. I for one made a promise that I would never date a married man, Well girl I almost did the unthinkable, YES! I was about to test the waters of a marriage man. Thanks to that inter-voice that slapped me into reality. First of all if a man step to you, he must be ready to step to you like a true man not a boy, be careful when he begin the spill of is retiring and the great job he has landed. Be honest tell him you in school and you are seeking a degree etc in your major therefore you don’t have any extra money to waste. When a man tells you he’s paying bill and don’t offer to pay at least one of yours quest what it’s time to stop answering the phone/email. Run for the hills
June 16th, 2008 at 8:28 am
I met this woman recently and we hit it off from the start. I tried my best not to mention my marital status but she asked and I had to tell her! That didn’t change any thing for us though! Things only became hotter! We see each other only on Saturdays and wow… sparks fly and the sex is out of this world! I have fallen for her big time.. but recently I found out that she too is married! What a tangled web we weave! Now we are too deep into each other but this is so wrong at so many levels! I keep having second thoughts but as soon as I call her or text her, things get started again! How do you stop this madness???
June 16th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
I\’m married, as is this guy I\’m into. Both unhappily. My husband and I are at the point we sleep in separate bedrooms. This married man and I have been friendly for about a year and subtly flirting and more friendly for the past 6 mos. or so. As of now, we\’ve theoretically been \”just friends\” but it\’s gotten to the point where he\’s strongly hinting he wants to sleep with me and I\’m planning on taking him up on this. My concern is that his wife, who I am friendly with, not find out. He\’s cheated on her before, so while the cheating would upset her, the fact that it\’s with someone she knows and considers a friend, would no doubt upset her even more.
I feel somewhat guilty about that aspect of this, however I know what it is to be unhappily married and not divorce for all sorts of complicated reasons. He and I are both looking for someone to help with the loneliness, stress, and lack of sex. I have no idea whether I will one day regret this, but right now I just need to do something for myself and see what happens.
June 16th, 2008 at 3:51 pm
We met four months ago and it was an instant attraction we were both stumbling over ourselves like school kids every time we saw one another. We started off writing notes to each other, lol, and then the flirting was obvious, it was like we both didn’t care who saw us anymore, nothing mattered really, just each other. We had nothing physical until two weeks ago and forget it, it was amazing, the sparks that flew and my God the first kiss, we feel we have always loved each other, but life is cruel sometimes. He is 12 years older, im 29 and he’s 41, and when we’re together u wouldn’t know there’s any difference in age, we just bring out the best in each other. This isn’t an wasy situation, it gets harder to deal with every day as the feelings grow. It gets lonely at times too, the days he has to be home and can’t see me or call me. It sucks sometimes but I knew what I was getting into when I got into it. He’s worth it though and he makes me happy enough to deal with it. I won’t put up with it forever, i’m not even gonna lie to myself about that. I won’t ask him to leave his wife and kids, that’s something he has to do on his own when he’s ready, if he ever does. He cried when I tried to break things off he begged me not to leave, he swears he doesn’t know how to live life without me now that i’ve changed him, so I stay.
Sometimes, u tell yourself it isn’t right and u remember the many times you swore off ever dating a married man and then u look in his eyes and all that flies out the window…will I regret this? Probably. Will I end up broken? Probably. But at least if tomorrow never comes at least I had it …
June 17th, 2008 at 5:37 pm
so before i start my story im gonna change the names of people. there is of course me, then there is james(my on/off bf), brad(the guy im seeing now) and Tasha(his wife)…
ok me and brad met in 2006. i was living with james although at the time we were not dating (we had dated before on and off since 2002) but we were intimate. well james got sent off on a job site to wisconsin and got stranded there. Brad being a good friend drove me all the way there to get him.( trust me this has meaning ull see) anyways shortly after that me and tasha both found out we were pregnant. me with james’ baby and her with brads. well it took 2months for james to propose to me and brad eventually married tasha in 2007 right after the baby was born. he did it because it was the right thing to do. him and tasha have always had problems in the relationship. im not saying this because he tells me this but because i have witnessed it as i have been at their house numerous times over the past couple years.anyways brad has recently been working for my parents out at our house(yes i live with my parents unfortunately, im 20 by the way and brad is 26). well my uncle and brad r really good friends, so one night i was in town with my uncles wife and their lil girl visiting one of our friends. well we had to go over to brads to pick my uncle up and had to sit there for awhile. and to give u an idea of how bad the problems between tasha and brad are heres wat happened that night. she told him she was eventually goin to divorce him, that if he wants more kids hes gonna have to have them with someone else bcuz she doesnt want anymore, she hated being pregnant. tasha refuses to take their son to doctor appointments brad does it, he has to pick him up from daycare, tasha will go out on ‘girls nites out’ and not come home until the following morning. shes also been cheating on him since december(prob. longer than that). well a couple weeks ago(before he found out she was cheating on him) we started texting, and he told me that hes liked me since the trip to wisconsin.
anyways last week she moved out and filed for divorce. since then she has told him she still wants to be with him just not married to him, she signed the divorce papers and sent them in so hell b getting them shortly.
so i am dating a married man and i dont feel guilty about. i kno people say if hell cheat on her hell cheat on u. but normally hes not that kind of a person. he doesnt make me promises that hes leaving her and i dont ask him to. i care very much about him and jus want him to b happy. if that ends up not being with me ill understand. i dont want to take him away from his son cuz i couldnt imagine my son getting taken away from me.
being with a married man doesnt always have to so condeming. when the situation is like this i dont see wat there is to b ashamed of. im starting to fall in love with, as hard as im trying not to it is happening. i havent been this happy in a long time. im normally a very self concious person, im always worried about the way i look or if my body looks good. when im with him it doesnt matter. before i could never have sex in the daylight bcuz id b concerned of the way i look, but with him i can, and have. i get giggly and i cant stop smiling. ive even started to giggle while we r in the middle of having sex. anyways he no longer wears his wedding band. and even though there is no gaurentee that him and his wife will actually get divorced and leave eachother. it doesnt matter to me. to me even if i get hurt in the end, it is/was/will be all worth it.
P.s. when tasha goes out with her ‘boyfriends’ shes takes their son with her. i have never taken my son with me to see brad, and i would never involve my son in this. my son is at my house when brad is out here working yes, so he is familiar with him however its different than takin my son with me to go meet brad. id never do that to my son. anyways i jus needed to share my situaton with someone. so please dont judge me on this. and sorry it was sooo long haha.
June 18th, 2008 at 10:04 am
I too have done the unthinkable. Starting dating a married man. And the worst part of it is my exhusband cheated on me, so I have been on the other side of things. It has gone against every moral fiber I have. But I cannot stop.
It has been the most satisfying sexual experience of my life. The connection was immediate and a strong friendship developed. We say “I love you” all the time, but I struggle constantly with all of this. I know how wrong it is, but I cannot control myself. It is like a drug to which we are both addicted. I try to keep my emotions in check, but it has proved to be more difficult than I imagined. He never gives me promises of leaving his wife, but it is hard to hear I love you and not to expect more. It does consume all my free time, and the loneliness is unbearable at times. I have tried to break it off so many times, but I keep going back, telling myself just have fun until you find someone new. Its an emotional rollercoaster which I cannot get off of. I am thankful he has shown me how a man should make love to a woman and he is a great friend. But if I had to do it over again, I would not ever get involved with a mm again. The heartache is too great and the depression is frequent. Not what I wanted at this point in my life. I pray for the strength to break free for good.
June 18th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for 8 years. For the first 5 of those 8 years, he wasn’t married, but decided one day, unbeknownst to me that he was going to marry another woman because I could not carry his child. It crushed my heart, it took me YEARS to be able to deal with the pain BUT I continued on with him - how I did it in hindsight I’ll never know but I did. It all finally came to a head today, I cannot deal with being treated like I am less than a human being anymore. I gave that man the best of me and look what I got in return - nothing but lonliness and the worst heartache of my life. My advice to anyone that is presently in this situation is GET OUT while you are still emotionally intact. There is no such thing as emotionless relationships no matter how you stack the cards. It will also never end in your favor. I just now wish I could go back to the week before he got married and push him down a long flight of stairs, spit in his face and scream NO - I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS! If you’re not good enough for him - maybe, just maybe, he’s really the one that isn’t good enough for you.
June 19th, 2008 at 9:20 pm
I to thought that I would never date a married man, although I was married four 13 years seperated for two yrs, then divorced now for 5yrs.I recently met this man,and it was instant attraction, we both could not keep our eyes off each other, we exchanged info and talked so much, that we became friends, we have so much in common its crazy! Our 1st kiss was unbelievable, and the sex was off the hook, he’s 9 yrs older than me,I’m 42,he’s 51, he takes care of me,he has definetly raised the bar for anyone else that may come into my life! I’m happy, I’m not expecting anything to come of this,we just enjoy each other when we see each other! I don’t ask questions, I still have my options open, bottom line is Im single as a dollar bill, and I’m just doing me,he’s the best thing in my life right now and a friend that i’ll always value!
June 20th, 2008 at 10:48 am
My story is similar to all these except this is the mm’s point of view. Here goes… i met her at work and was immediately attracted to her. I got her number and we texted and talked and one day we met outside of work. I was upfront with her and she also told me she had a boyfriend! Anyway I always buy her nice gifts to show her how I feel about her and one thing led to another and we slept together. At first I felt bad and regretted it knowing that my wife was at home but i’m so fed up with not getting “it” that i gave in to temptation. Now I have fallen in love with her and can let her go! She has broken up with me twice before, but being away from each other drives us both crazy and we always somehow get back together! I’m not happy at home and she has shown me what I’ve been missing! I have some decisions to make because I know its unfair for all concerned but I have decided! I’m going for it!!!
June 20th, 2008 at 8:08 pm
I was running late for the first day of my last semester in college. I burst into what would be my classroom for the next 3 months, there standing infront of the room, conducting class with charm and charisma, was my MM.
It was INSTANT! The whole vibe in the room changed and I became speechless (which is insanely rare for me)
He passed out his business card should we need to “contact” him in case of “emergencies.”
So I sent flirty text messages and he replied the same. I guess I should mention I was 25 and he was 40.
Flash forward to 2 yrs later and I’m still INSANELY attracted to him and everytime I’m with him I get butterflies. When we’re together, we don’t realize that anyone else is around. We have amazing sex and I crave his touch. However, I never give up the opportunity to date other guys my age and he knows this. We have a great understanding. We see eachother about once a month and I’m fine with that, well…..
For the first time today, I find myself physically ill, because I miss him so much. I NEVER tell him I how feel and he would prob be surprised if he knew. I’m always so “put together” when we’re together. And now I’ve come to realize, this whole relationship is wrong and the joke’s on me.
So, a little advice for anyone who thinks getting involved with a married man is harmless…. There’s a little thing called Karma, it’s real and when you get yours, remember all the time you stole from his family… I think about it ALL the time….
June 20th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
I agree with some comments, but I think that one must enjoy there lfe to the fullest. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, Therefore we should maximize on every oppurtunity that presents it self to us. No one can make you happy, one can only add to happiness! I’m dating a MM,and he makes me laugh, I can talk to him about anything, we enjoy each other when we are together, I’m not looking for him to leave his wife,I’m just enjoying the ride!
June 21st, 2008 at 4:07 am
In case you all haven’t found it, I have started a forum for The Other Woman. You can find it at http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:41 pm
hey ladies, all ur stories have truly helped and its easier to deal with but some days are just so lonely! The worst is not being able to talk to anyone about this cause your close girlfriends throw in the i told u sos and u shoulda knowns and all that and frankly u dont want to tell anyone else about the stupid mess u got urself into. there should be somewhere where we can talk to each other when we’re feeling down and out like this…
June 22nd, 2008 at 4:45 pm
oh yea, also, what do u do when he openly tells people ur his girlfriend and he declares his love all over the place and this is the best…he expects u to just be his? He doesnt want me dating anyone else, he says it would drive him insane! how do i handle this? i love and adore him but the times without him are so hard and lonely, it owuld be nice to have someone to hang with and maybe take my mind away from things, but i refuse to do it behind his back and i know he doesnt approve, so what do i do?
June 22nd, 2008 at 7:59 pm
I checked out that webpage http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum
thanks!
June 23rd, 2008 at 6:34 pm
So, my story is a little different than the others. I was engaged to the married man I’m sort of involved with. We have a huge history together and the feelings between us are still very strong after four years. In the last two years time, he got his girlfriend pregnant, then married her because he was going to be deployed by the Army and wanted her to be completely covered while he was overseas.
Three months after they were married, he knew he made a huge mistake, and seven months after the courtroom marriage, we were talking again. His one year anniversary just passed in April and he still uses every excuse to be away from home. He gets his orders extended (he’s active duty), he even got a second job just so he doesn’t have to go home. The only reason he goes to the house is to spend time with his daughter. We haven’t seen each other yet, but we speak all of the time and when we do I know in my heart I still love him. He’s told me that he still loves me and that I have always been the only one he ever wanted.
I don’t know how to deal with this situation, I honestly feel like someone else is married to my husband! Like she was a substitute for what we should have been. I asked him why he did it and he told me that he honestly never thought I’d come back into his life, so he tried to just do the right thing for his baby. What now???
June 24th, 2008 at 12:55 am
i’ve been dating a married man for 4 months now and i have to say i’ve never been more happy…or more miserable….he makes me feel so good about myself, always telling me how beautiful i am, how he doesn’t deserve someone as special as me, asking me why i never turn my back on him….and then he goes home and i cry myself to sleep knowing that the whole thing is just silly. two full grown adults acting like children…so is it wrong? iidk. is right? idk that either all i know is that whenever we are together i feel so loved and isn’t that what every woman wants?
June 25th, 2008 at 7:25 pm
I have been involved with a mm for 6 yrs. On and off. He eventually did leave w for me but went back out of guilt. It is emotionally draining, frustrating and I am pretty much giving up but just need my heart to agree. If you can avoid getting involved with a mm I strongly advise againt it. They hurt you and don’t even know they do it. They have their home lives and they are so good at lying that they will give you any excuse in the world to not find time for you. Let them live their lives of hell, which is the ones they created. They can’t step up to the plate and deal with the bad marriages then they should be the ones alone not us. The ones being hurt.
June 26th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Have been with him for 9 months, had a 2yrs and 3 month old… We met at work, i was the new girl. I am still waiting… i love him and cry when he leaves on our “regular” friday night meetings and the odd “see you in the office” moment. There is 15 yrs difference in our age, it donest bother me. I am still “waiting” for the commitment… i get the most amazing best sex ive ever had… but is that it??? lonely holidays, coming 2nd, 3rd, 4th in priority… i deserve the best and should be treated that way. Dont us woman deserve more or do we just ultimately believe what we choose and want to beleive?my guess is as good as yours….
June 26th, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Its nice to know I’m not alone. If you can look in the mirror and realize that you are 2nd, then enjoy yourself..Sadly us women, end up falling in love and getting hurt…So if you can ladies, RUN NOW!! the heart break isnt worth it…I rather be lonely then in love with someone who is married! RUN before its too late…I think we women have read too many fairy tales and think we will have a happily ever after..But the truth is less then 5% of marriages that were a result of an affair end up working out..So the odds are against us ladies…WALK away…if he wants to be with you, he will handle his business and fight for you…yes u will cry and hurt…but better noe then 11 years later like some women on here..RUN!
June 27th, 2008 at 5:54 pm
I just want to share my story. Almost a month and a half ago an old friend from high school found me. At first we were just talking on the phone about old times and what was going on now. I’m in the process of a divorce and was still living at my husband’s house at the time. We met up one day at the store and when we were getting ready to leave he kissed me. That was all it took. 3 days later we had fallen for each other. He is married and has 2 step daughters. After we met he told his wife he was thinking about getting a divorce. We went out of town together to see my mom last weekend and when we got back he forgot to clear his phone so then his wife found my text messages. So he told her everything. Now he is staying with me in my apartment… I love him so much and am so afraid he’s going to decide to go back. But I’m trying to be patient and let him do what he wants to do.
June 28th, 2008 at 9:47 am
I am in love with a married man. He is my best friend and we have everything in common. I love being with him and enjoy his company and he is everything I have ever dreamed of and have never felt as happy as I feel when we are together.
But - he is married. What do you do? It is the most heart breaking situation to be in. I know this will never change. That he will never leave his wife. But what do you do when you know that this is your soul mate?
Although we try to make the most of the little time we get together, the rest of my life is being wasted by constantly thinking about the ‘if only’ side of life. He has given me so much, for which I am grateful, but in a way, wish we hadn’t crossed the line.
I love him so deeply but have to face reality and hope that a single guy passes my way, who I can love just as much as my married man.
June 28th, 2008 at 9:31 pm
I have been dating a married man for almost three years now and yes it’s been work. Never done it before, didn’t plan on doing it, but the connection between us is intense. The sex is full lof passion and we are still going strong.
No I don’t get holidays, well on the actual day anyway, but we do pick our days to celebrate. Birthdays are the same, we are always together for mine and as close to his as we can get. It’s not a “traditional” relationship and yet we are in love. We both know it and we both know the boundries of that love. I accept them and so does he.
I am always aware that most likely I am not the only other women, yet is is advid I am. However I know that I can walk away at any time. And every so often I give myself the “am I okay with this?” talk. If I am, I continue the relationship, if I am not, I walk away and begin the process of ending and new beginnings.
But the truth is, for now, I like the way things are. I do not concentrate on where he is when his is not with me. I simply enjoy the time we share when he is with me. I do not go out of my way to be available for him, thus leaving him to the same delima of thoughgts. Usually bringing him to me everytime.
Just as I must understand that he legally belongs to another, he must understand that I don’t. And if one day, someone should want more of me and be able to offer more to me, he may be at the greater loss.
But honestly, (wierd term I know), we are great friends, and I know that if I were in trouble, pain, or dismay, he would be there in a heartbeat. We know each other, we share each other and niether of us is “legally” required to do so. To expect anything more than that is emotional blackmail and certain daily heartache.
June 29th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I went out with a married man (an airline pilot), I didn’t think it was cheating because there were many of us together. He kissed me on the dance floor and that how our affair began. At the same time, I broke my boyfriend’s heart when he found out about it a few months later. (My boyfriend still loves me but he’s very hurt, he has been my best friend and very supportive regarding this problem)
The sad truth about this is I still in love with that married man and can’t wait to be with him again on our layover. He writes sweet emails to me and tells me that he cares about me. I’m not sure what to do…..please help…
June 29th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
Just don’t do it. If you see it coming… My situation happened so fast I knew I loved him the day I met him again another story of it happened at work, I had worked for my company for about 2 weeks and he came into our office, looked me dead in the eyes and we were done, he started to work with my company a month after that and the first day he was in the office he came into my office and asked me out at this time I knew he was married but not happy because I had heard him talk to my sales team a few times about it. I went out with him that afternoon after work and I have been in a relationship with him ever since this is 2 and a half years later. I wish that I could walk away, I feel like I live an out of body experience every day of my life. Waiting for him to call, text or email me. We no longer work together and we live in different states now because of work. But through this we still keep our relationship going. He tells me he loves me and that we will be together soon, I just keep waiting for soon to get here because it is so hard to deal with this situation. I would not want anyone to feel the pain that I feel over my relationship. I wish I didn’t love him every day and that I could meet someone that would make me his number one and that I would not have to spend the holidays alone wishing I was with him and wondering what he is doing, seeing fireworks with his wife and I am seeing them alone or not at all because I don’t have anyone to see them with. This is not the kind of life anyone wants to live, I know a lot of people look at people like us in a very negative way, believe me we did not ask for this nobody would willing want to be in a relationship like this with someone they love whole heartedly that they can’t have. Believe me I wish every day that I wasn’t so in love with my man because maybe then I could live a normal life…
June 29th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
Forget the married pilot!!!! No matter what he’s written to you, it’s all lies. You’re lucky to have a boyfriend who still loves you, face some reality and imagine your life WITHOUT your boyfriend because you’re still in love with that jerk. On your layover, don’t do anything that can get you together with that man again, or anyone else!!!!
June 29th, 2008 at 5:30 pm
I am 24 years old and have always been attracted to older married men. There is this very handsome 45 year old guy that works in the IT department who has been recently flirting with me, sending me instant messages every day through my work email and has taking me to lunch and starbucks several times which he has paid for. These meet ups have all been during work hours but now he is suggesting we go out after work to a movie or have dinner. I have tried to make something up to not go because I guess I am a little scared since I never been with a married or an older guy. The weird thing is that he has never mentioned anything about his personal life nor do I want to ask…..I guess for the time being I am just enjoying his company and the fact that he is treating me to lunch. Deep down I don’t think that I would ever accept sleeping with him…but it doesn’t hurt to flirt.
June 29th, 2008 at 7:57 pm
To “Curious” and “the other woman”, Curious, it’s not too late for you to turn down future pain and suffering, he’s not supposed to do such thing as having lunch, or movie with a you. He’s married!!! Forget about him and stay with guys who aren’t taken, or someone who’s your age. And “the other woman”, if you spend any time thinking or trying to get together with that married pilot again, your future with your boyfriend will end. Don’t even think that you can get away with doing things like that!!!!! You are lucky to have someone who loves you enough to forgive you and still with you, want to be alone, go for the married pilot and have your heart broken because he will surely cheat on you (with other girls), next thing you know, your boyfriend will walk…
June 29th, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I am another fool who dated a married pilot, he’s handsome and told me how much he cared for me. I was stupid not to listen to my friends who told me “if he cheats on his wife, he’ll cheat on you!!!” Next thing I knew, he was cheating on me with another flight attendant!!!!! I found out because the girl showed me photos of them on the beach!!!! He swears that nothing happened between them but it didn’t seem that way, because she called him “my boyfriend”…
June 30th, 2008 at 11:13 pm
“another one” is right!!! I learned my lesson, it’s not the outside that counts, because we usually turn off our brains when some good looking guys flirt with us. If a man is willing to cheat behind his wife or girlfriend’s back, what do you think he will do behind your back? (Think about this, if he’s a good looking fellow, what’s the chance that he has no girlfriend or wife?) If you meet someone who flirts with you, if he’s married (and you’re not), walk on. But if you’re married or already have a BF, KEEP THAT IN MIND, why be friendly with that man who only wants to use your body and brake your heart when it’s all over?
July 1st, 2008 at 9:41 pm
My married man boyfriend has told me that he is leaving his wife by the end of the month and promises me that we will finally be together. He started his vacation today and has been telling me that he wants to take his children on a vacation, I am great with that however he is taking his wife with him because he doesn’t feel that he can handle a few days a way with his kids because they are so young 2 and 7. I left my ex when my children were two and 7 and they survived it was tough on them and on him because everyone had to adjust. Am I being a complete fool to sit back on this one. They are going for 4 days. I am sick to my stomach and too the point where I don’t know where I stand in his life even when he tells me that I am his world and he loves me. He promises he is leaving. After two years and many tears what do you do?? I wish I could walk away sometimes but I love him so much he is my true love, my soulmate and I want to spend my life with him but I can’t handle the pain and the thought of them on a family vacation just feels like a knife in my heart…
July 2nd, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I’m the stupid girl that got pregnant to the MM. I believed all of his lies, and now I’m so hurt. Expecting a girl in 1 month.
July 2nd, 2008 at 8:18 pm
I have read the previous posts, and my situation is similar but so very different. My MM and I have been friends since we were 14 years old…we are both now 44. When we were teenagers, he was dating my best friend, and I was dating his best friend….but neither one of us knew how crazy we were about eachother back then until recently. When we were 16 he moved from one side of the country to the other but we always kept in touch with eachother. Then 20 years ago, I relocated to the same state he lives in …purely by coincidence and he and I ended up having a very intimate night shortly after I relocated. I didn’t sleep with him, and yes, he was married only a few years at that time. I ended up getting married a year later, and moved out of state again. We kept in touch over the years as we always have.
So now fast forward 20 years….
I recently became divorced,(I was the one who was cheated on) and I relocated back to the state where my MM lives, where my family lives, and where we had our intimate night all those years ago. He met my best friend and I for drinks one night about a month ago ..stayed a very short time..but before he left he kissed me very passionately. We have seen and/or talked to eachother every day in the past 3 weeks, and have been very intimate with eachother again. He revealed to me how much he remembers about that night 20 years ago, and how he always felt about me. My feelings haven’t changed for him either….and they continue to grow. We are still very crazy about eachother. I haven’t slept with him, but he told me today he wants to…the timing was bad, and I just am also scared to death to let it go that far, so it didn’t happen. He is still married to the same girl that he was married to when we had our first intimate encounter all those years ago, and has never cheated on her…except for that intimate night with me 20 years ago.
I’ve known my MM for 30 years and just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, or his marriage, and I’m having issues with myself considering my ex-husbands cheating ruined our marriage. I’ve never gone out with a MM before…nor would I with any other MM. I guess it’s just cuz I have know him for so many years…and am beginning to fall in love with him, and want to spend more and more time with him…just as he does with me. Just don’t know where this is all leading….Any suggestions?`
July 3rd, 2008 at 5:35 pm
im dateing a man from another country he is married i love him and wont to marry him what do i do
July 6th, 2008 at 5:14 am
Well …after 27 years of devoted love and uprooting ever few years to support my husband in his career I have found out about his affair with a woman 17 years younger than I who also pleaded with him to have his children …this is beyond words to describe the devastation this has caused…I have been a seriousl devoted christian woman …seeking and researching the word …without a denomination nor fellowship all the time ,,homeschooled our children which is why throughtout this I was not suspicious and he did a good job of conveying how he was hard at work in his management job …high profile and lots to do …SO to find out that all the time he DID have free that WE thought was so hard to have with us .>>HE SPENT it with HER!
We are all hurt and amazed at the shameless woman who approached him during a transfer and KNEW us even after we arrived to join him and proceeded to move along with our family …shadowing us as we moved several times…she finally wanted his children …even though he told her from the beginning he WOULD NOT LEAVE us and she never asked him to …when she got pregnant she quit her job and he bought her a house…and a new Lexus…and then she wanted ANOTHER child which he resisted …but she told him she “did not want the first one to be an only child”….over that following 8 years she received over one million dollars while my husband moved us into a small home…without AC …and sold some other things of ours so he could provide for her….
Now do YOU really want a man who would DO that? ,…when I found out quite by accident …finding photos of the children and nearly having a stroke!
He is sorry …wishes he had not gone that routh and has reexamined all the “reasons” he had…all of which were from HIS not opening up to me and deliberately maintaining a private SELF …not the way marriage will satisfy a man …SO all of his lack was his OWN doing and he sees it now …but he insists he must pay her twice the support required by law for the “children ” ….there is alot that is wrong with this ..but let me just say ….
PLEASE think …would YOU want to be the one that has to live knowing that a man’s children have to go through life wondering HOW they will ever be able to trust a man …they love the Lord ..but their father has been a GREAT ACTOR …displaying every good attribute a man could possible have …none of his workers, extended family or friends know…
I am trying not to destroy our family further ..but my daughers and sons are going to have a long time dealing with this reality …I have been trying to get him to understand the depth of this for over a year as he wants to stay married …keep our life together …NOT see her but he feels he must take care of all of them …this is very hard to deal with ..The other woman DID NOT WANT him for marriage…she set him up by his guilt and emotion to PAY for her lifestyle…and she has not suffered in any of that area….now into her THIRD HOUSE at our expense,..and we had to sell something that was to be for our children …
SHE had prior to her pregnancy researched HOW to be a “single parent by choice”…I feel she does dishonor to all the women who have saved and continued to work to be single mothers BY CHOICE as she seems to feel she is being but she has had plastic surgery , botox and many other ‘treats’ at my families expense while we spend our efforts to help make ends meet …
Is this some kind of emotional blackmail…my husband has not had any contact with her since last AUG …and he has spend all of his time with me when not at work ,..all of his emails and phones are open to me as are our finances….
She has not tried to contact him…and when he called her to tell her that their 15 year affair was over except for child support her first concern was for her HOUSE>….
Love? hardly…..
July 6th, 2008 at 7:57 am
ladies,
ive dated two married men in my life its some of the strongest love ive ever felt aside from lovin my son. These married men at the time you meet them may actually be thinkin to leave their marriage but after we come along and comfort them make love to them make them laugh weve taken away all the pain allowing them to heal what ever problem they originally had now he’s stuck with two women which he may genuinly love now ask yourself(you have two hairdressers which one do you stay with the new one or the old one)their mothers may talk to them and say would you have wanted your father to do that to me , what i’m trying to say is they have a whole net work of people non of which know you so they will side up with the wife. ive been with my married man for 7 years its just gotton worse over time he does’nt even spend my birthday with me any more i’m deeply in love and trying to come up with a master plan to win him over but notice how i said seven years his wife and i have had arguments i’ve lost a job because of her but she wont leave even though she knows he spends nights weekends even weeks sometime he says he needs more money he changes his mind alot now he is going to be 40 and going through a midlife crisis more trouble my therory they probably do love you but they were seeking love else where because they are unable to commit and my therapist says that im afraid of committment thats why i stay with him if he was mister right why does it feel so wrong… love doesnt hurt …if you let something go if it comes back to you its yours if it doesnt it wasnt meant to be…i know your probably saying if you know all this then why havent you left yet, ill tell you im stuck and tryin to break AWAY ITS VERY HARD FOR ME BUT IF ME SHARING MY DEEPEST SECRETS WITH YOU GUYS CAN SAVE YOU SOME HEART ACHE MAYBE GOD CAN FORGIVE SOME OF THE BAD STUFF IVE DONE
July 7th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
well, ladies let me join the bandwagon…I started seeing this Married but separted man (alledgedly) about 3 mos. ago. He lives in PA, and i live in NY. We have good chemistry and i like him alot. He told me he’s been with his wife for 17yrs, and he’s just not happy anymore, so he finally left (alledgedly). anyway, he drives buses for a living. this weekend he invited to come out to philly, to spend time. so, I went and we got a hotel. so, i asked him what was up with the hotel, and not his house? he says oh, well she (wife) comes over sometime to my place to watch the kids being he’s on the road. So, im like she has the keys huh…uh huh. He’s says yeah because im not there. so,iv’e always felt in the back of my head this whole separation crap was a lie, because we usually wouldnt talk in the night, unless he had a driving gig, out of state where he stayed away from home. while, he was showing ,me a round PA, his cell phone rang, and it was wife, ask him where he was..he quickly hopped out the car to talk, and said im @ work… (unbelievable) then he stepped about 10ft from the car to talk. when he got back in , i said is everything ok, he said yeah, its just that this job of mine calls the first number, on there list. So, i said oh so they called your house, and your wife evidently though you were at work? he says yes cause shes there watching the kids…(bull) of course she’s there because she lives there….Im am thinking about cutting all ties with this man because, i can see that the more i keep in contact with him, the more emotionally involved i will become. To top it off, he has two girls with his wife, and his wife has 2 boys out side of them that he fathers as well…I am 25 and he is 34. Should I leave this relationship now? Iv’e broken up with him 2 times before, and made up with him again. I feel like im playing myself right now…any feedback
July 9th, 2008 at 9:59 pm
I am currently in a relationship with a married man. It’s not a good relationship. We have been dating and having sex for a year. His son was also born a year ago. He and I also work together. It is very hard on me and very hard to end it. We work very closely together and spend nearly all of our time together. He is a great guy and I would like to find someone like him in the future (minus the wife). Im trying to be strong and get out of this relationship but it is very very hard. He has no plans to leave his wife and I know this can only end badly. My advice to all women out there…dont get involved with a married man…it’s too complicated and only hurts your heart. Plenty of single men out there…go out and get one! Im going to!
July 10th, 2008 at 7:51 am
I’ve been with my mm about a year or so and let me say that I have never felt so happy in my entire life! He shows me such a great time that I don’t think anyone else can compare to him! At the same time I have never felt so lonely!!! I wish I can be with him constantly and he is all i think of!!! I know this sounds like obsession but its love!!! The most difficult thing I have ever done is trying to break up with him!!! Things didn’t go well at all and now I miss him like crazy!!!
July 10th, 2008 at 10:13 am
I love my married man. I will be by his side no matter what…
July 10th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
I have started a forum for The Other Woman. You can find it at http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum
July 10th, 2008 at 10:06 pm
Hi everyone. I didn’t realize there were so many other women struggling with this problem also. Here’s the short version of my story. In 2006 my mother who I was extremely close to (like sisters) was diagnosed with an end-stage cancer which was absolutely devastaing. Fast forward to Aug of 2007 her cancer got worse and she was forced to have a feeding tube placed in her stomach along with another tube due to complications. As her priamry care taker I met and dealt with her team of doctors and one of in particular I formed a close relationship with (did I say he was the married one). At the time I was single and so was my mom and the entire situation was overwhelming at times for us. I had help from two siblings but because they were married with their own families the majority of the work fell on me. Fortunately, the married doctor was there for us during the entire progression of my moms illness. I could call him anytime day or night when I had problems with her feeding tubes or when her home nurses needed help at night. He would come to the house every evening to sit with my mom and to make sure she was comfortable as possible during her last few months. He would also sit with me and answer questions I had about what she would be like when the disease progressed even further. He would bring gifts, ice-cream and most of all a listening ear to her and me. During the entire ordeal somehow I fell for him and felt as if he had fallen for me also but we never said a word about it or crossed any lines. It was like he had become a rock for me during the worst time of my life and I was very appreciative of how he went above and beyond his duty as her doctor. My mom passed away on Dec 9, 2007 and her married doctor was there for me again, helping with funeral arrangements and being a good friend to my entire family. After her funeral he continued to be there for me and somehow our relationship went from friends to lovers and we have never had a day since the day my mom passed that we havent communicated. As a doctor who is on call a lot he is very busy but manages to spend most his free time with me or with his son. I had never even considered dating a married man either but somehow it just happened. Now 6 months later I am where most of us are tired, frustrated and hurting because I am with a man that goes home (be it 3 am) every other morning to his wife and child. We have tried to end it but we always, always get back together. Some may think he took advantage of me during a vulnerable time in my life but he never did anything I didnt want him to do. I dont want to continue on this road but I cant seem to let go. What do you guys think?
July 13th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I think my situation is a little more complicated, only because I was married when I met my unmarried Airman (at that time) 5 yrs ago. My husband introduced us and we always had feelings but never acted on them. I loved my husband of 16yrs very much. Never would have cheated on him, but the fantasy of Airman made it interesting in bed.
My Husband recently died and Airman has been there for me like my best friend. I have my ups and downs and he always finds that special something that makes me laugh. He and I still have that attraction and more now than ever I must say. He came out here to see me (He is from FL and I am in CA) and sparks flew like crazy! Needless to say we became very intimate in his time he spent with me. And did I mention he has been married for 2.5 yrs?
He tells me that he would love to be with me always. I am such a “breath of fresh air” in his world of pessimism. I love being with him and I love talking to him. He tells me the relationship with his wife is at an end and he needs to know that he did everything he could to save it before he moves on. That he couldn’t live with himself knowing that he did something to devastate her. They are now on a two week traveling mission and they are a week in to it and I am going nuts!!
I have now asked him to confess his true feelings for me. Either he wants me and I wait, or he doesn’t and I will move on. I like the first choice.
July 13th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Ive been seeing a married man for 6 years now. Yeah, count ‘em, SIX years. Six very lonely years and now Im so far into a depression I dont know if I will ever get out of it. I love him, I really do & Im IN love with him. He always says the right things and knows just how to keep me hanging on. He was a dream come true for me and now it has turned into a nightmare. His youngest child is 17 soon to be 18…should I wait until then to see if he’s really going to walk away & be with me? Deep down in my heart I dont think he ever will. Whenever I have given him an ultimatium he always says he loves me and that Im his best friend and that he wont let me go…but he’s not doing anything to keep me either.
My advice ladies is….DONT!! Ive been going through this far too long to see any light at the end of the tunnel.
July 17th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
I’ve been dating my married man on and off for three years now.At first it was about sex and nothing more.he explained to me that after his wife had kids she lost for sex drive.Which all women knows is something that happens. I was at the point in my life where i wasn’t really looking for anything more than that so i was fine. I moved on with my life and he got pissed off when I got married.Since then we have stared dating again.I currently separted and I 2 kids to take care of so after what i just went through in my marriage i not looking for anything serious.He has never mislead me.I know that he will never leave his wife and kids.Regardless of what we have he doesn’t want to leave his kids. Now i know im only getting his have of the story but when im with him i just love being around him and im fine with what we have . I havent stop looking for more with someone else i just dont have the energy.He gives me the attention i need and we give each other the pleasure that we are looking for. This may not work for everyone but it works for me.
July 18th, 2008 at 10:48 am
i too got caught up with a married man, for the first 4 months of the relationship thought he was single….Wow by the time his wife called…was to far into the relationship. They have been living an open marriage lifestyle, but he broke all the rules when it came to me, so she said. Well they are discussing divorce…but have to many assets, that neither want to give up. Married men were a hard limit…now i know why. 99% of the time i am sitting at home waiting for a text, wondering if and when i will see him, when we are together i don’t ask any questions because i want to enjoy the time we have together….but tell me how long can one live like this….waiting on the sidelines…dreaming, hoping, wondering………….
July 19th, 2008 at 10:39 am
I’m in a relationship with a married man. But after reading all of these comments, I think why, why WHY do we sell ourselves short? I mean really?? All married men shouldn’t be clumped together in a typical “stereotype.” Every single situation is different. I look at these comments and think “are we idiots?”…. my married man and I were in the same boat. We were both married. I was in the process of divorcing and he wanted out of his marriage.
We fell in love… I moved cross country for him. We spend every day together. He’s my best friend and lover. There comes a point where there is a CROSSROAD. Either go left or right. I understand it is difficult getting out of a marriage.,.. especially w/kids involved. But people should not go on living a lie with their spouse and/or girlfriend and constantly cheat. That doesn’t equal a role model for kids either. And contrary to the ridiculous “Rules to keep a married man”…. screw that! Why the hell should WE as women bend over backwards to keep married man?? It really isn’t a fair situation and if you get yourself into it and fall in love… guess what, you need to give the bit U (ultimatum).
so… I told him I can’t do this anymore until he is divorced. He actually goes through with it because actions speak louder than words. “If you really love me… you will take the journey to have a beautiful future with me…. if you can’t see yourself leaving now, then I DESERVE BETTER” I DONT NEED YOU in my life if you can give me 100%. That is my point of this rant…. we really don’t NEED this hurt, pain, and deception. It’s a bad web and I dont care if someone says “Oh, I’m having FUN with a married man, no commitments” . There will come a day where you will fall for a person and you can’t have them. How much fun will that really be?
July 19th, 2008 at 10:48 am
Hi..
I’m in love with a married man too. The worst thing is I am married too. We both have 1 child each. We are seeing eachother for 1.5 months now. It feels good. We are from a religous family where sex after marriage is priority. When he told me he loved me, he got me a ring and took me to our holy place of worship and told me that he is marrying me with the ring, infront of the gods and did the rituals too. I am very sure no man will do this if they are only fooling around! I have sworn to be a wife to him. He has a shaken marriage and so have I. We love being together, being in love. I wish to be his forever.
July 21st, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Hi.
Im also very much in love with a married man It all started about six months ago. We met online, and started chating. After the day that we met we talked more and more. He lived aboout and hour away from me and since It was my last year in school. I would often come to his house during the week and on weekends. He informed me in the very begining that he was married but at the moment his wife and daughter were living with his en laws. I thought that our realtonship was strictly about sex but it soon blossomed into something else. When we saw each other I would feel so happy just hearing his voice or lying next to him made me happy. So as time went on things started to really heat up and we would be sleeping together all the time. He is really good in bed. and I think thats why im stuck in this rut…. Well to make a long story short he had started to get ready to sell his house then the next thing I know he dosent call or text me for two weeks so I decide to text him and he finally lets me know that his family is coming back to live with him. So he says that he dosent know what that means for him. he says that his daughter is the only reason he is doing this. And that she is the most important thing in his life. Im am a mess and I really dont know what to do besides move on …. I feel like things arent really finished. BUt i do know there is no way i can sleep with him anymore… And im wondering if he really cares about me will he tell his wife.. im wondering alot help me…..
July 24th, 2008 at 1:57 am
For all of you who have said don’t do it… you are so right.
I saw a MM for two years. The worst two years of my life. I say that, and I know that, and yet I am still so sad not to have him anymore. I am so angry. At life, at him, everything. And so so jealous. I wish I could be him and have a lovely wife and family and a wonderful lover who you knew would be there for you at the drop of a hat.
It all started on the internet. We talked, innocently at first, and then not so innocently. We met, and we were gone. I spent one year seeing with him for a few hours once a week. I left my partner at the time, not because of MM, I had already wanted to do this before I met him. A month or two later MM left his wife.
Did he come to me? No. He left his wife over a year ago, and all this time he asked me to wait for him, to wait until he sorted out his life and what he wanted from it… so I waited… and waited… he couldn’t commit, couldn’t spend time with me, but yes, he was quite able to sleep with me and then leave. Not even to be with his wife, just to be alone to “think” about things.
I had enough. I loved him, but the sheer frustration of not being able to have him was ruining my life. Two days ago I told him that I would not sleep with him with no commitment anymore. I wouldn’t be hidden anymore. Then it all came out. Basically he couldn’t commit to me after he left his wife, because he’s not sure if he wants to go back to her now or not. I feel used, sick and betrayed.
What gets to me the most, was his steadfast refusal to end things with me, even though he knew how much pain he was causing me. Even now, after all this time, he still refuses to make a decision about us. He will not let me go because he is a coward and a narcissist. He truly does not care for anyone other than himself.
Never get involved with a married man. I know out there somewhere is a great guy for me. But it’s not this guy. Yes he was wonderful, but honestly, how hard is it to be wonderful when you see someone a few hours every week?
Good riddance I say. He’ll never find happiness in the way that I am now free to do.
July 24th, 2008 at 9:13 pm
I agree with #14. It really feels good to end up a relatioship with a married man because thats the greatest thing I ever done for myself. After 4years of dating, I finally broke up with him it is not because he chosed to say with his wife but because of OTHER WOMAN. I gave him all my love, care, and everything and I was just so stupid to hope and wait for the perfect time that we could be together for life. But all i got were empty promises. Our break up really caused me so much pain especially on the first day. I cried so hard that i almost lost my breath. But crying made me feel better. Yes, im on the process of healing right now. It’s been a week. Sometimes, i thinked about him and misses him. But i stand firm with my decision to never go back to him. The secret of getting survive is constant PRAYER. That’s what im doing. Whenever i feel lonely, i asked GOD to strengthen me and give me the courage to move on.
HE is my Healer and my Comforter. God fills the emptiness in my heart, so I found joy and innerpeace. As for now I am praying that God will guide me every step of the way. I am certain that God prepared the right one for me. Someone who is SINGLE and deserve my love and loyalty.
July 27th, 2008 at 10:44 pm
Let me start with WOW I thought I was the only one doeing this.
I have been dating a mm for 2.5 years and am truely 100% in love with him. We are both intimatly and emotionally involved. In the beginning, I was unhappily married with kids and him with 2. Immediatly we began planning how we were going to be together and and at what point in our relationship we were going to do what. Well after a year in I left my husband (more for my own reasons not for him). My mm was there for me the whole time and still is. We use to see eachother every single day and text and talk.Now do to circumstances we only get to see eachother 3-4 times a week and I HATE it. I know he loves me with all his heart. But I am afraid that because he does not like change and she will use his kids against him he will not leave her. I have made severial comments about backing off and maybe I am not the right person. But as soon as I see him or talk to him it all changes and the only thing I can do is fall into his arms and be with him. He tells me that he wants to be with me and have a life with me but we need to get my health under control first. He has meet my kids and my family knows of him but not that he is married. Like I said he is always there when I need him and helps me whenever he can. I will be there for him and love him for as long as I can.
My problem is I am tiered of being home alone at night and on holidays. I want to be held at nite in bed. I don’t want to be 2nd best but I don’t want to loose him or give him up. I WANT HIM TO CHOOSE ME. Our plan was to be togeter in 5 years, do I give it that time or what. He has shown me what real love is suppose to feel like. Any Advice????
July 29th, 2008 at 1:25 am
I found this site one night when I was upset with my MM. Its amazing to me that so many people find themselves in this situation. I have been seeing my MM for 7 months… he has been married for about 3 years with no kids…. he is AMAZING… we have ALL had a long rough road and we’ve been through so much together. We are best friends and I could not ask for anything more in a significant other. Once our relationship became serious he has not been ashamed of me or tried to hide our relationship. We took necessary steps to determine whether or not we belong together and the conclusion was apparent….they mutually agreed to get a divorce.
The long version of my story is much more detailed. I just wanted the people on this site to know that sometimes… rarely… but sometimes things can work and turn into the best relationship anyone could ask for.
August 1st, 2008 at 3:05 pm
I noticed that most of you were asking for help, but many of you responded with similar stories. I too am dating a married man who assures me he will leave his wife in November. I will give him that time, and if he hasn’t made a move, then I will walk away. That is my vow to me so that I can stay sane for the next three months. I love him, yes, and he loves me. But life is too short, and I’m not willing to wait forever. I’m better than that, and so are all of you.
There is a book out there that has been a great help to me in navigating the dating world (I’m 47, divorced for 3 years after being married for 22, and believe me, dating after that long was mindboggling to say the least). I’m sure you’ve heard of it, and it’s soon to become a movie. It’s called “He’s Just Not That Into You.” There is a chapter titled, “He’s just not that into you if he’s still married.” Here are a few nuggets of wisdom from the book that may help you out and put you and your relationship into perspective.
• If the person you “love” cannot freely spend his days thinking about you and being with you, it’s not real love. (I know, most of you will disagree, but just think about it)
• He’s married and having an affair which indicates (1) He’s okay with being dishonest (2) He’s fine cheating on his wife (3) He has no regard for his marriage (4) He has no real regard for you, because what you’re getting from him is scraps–stolen time that’s cloaked in shame.
• No matter what his relationship is with his wife, you are still helping a man cheat on his wife.
• Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.
• You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready.
The last piece of advice is the one that really rings true for me. If my MM hasn’t moved on by November, then that last thought is what will give me the strength to leave.
I hope this has helped.
August 1st, 2008 at 10:29 pm
#33 thank you soooo much for everything u ve said!!!!!!!
Now I know what I gotta do! END IT! END IT! END IT!!!! Way to much pain for somebody who is not worth it! OK may be he is wotrh it…but I cant deal w this any longer, just the thought of him being next to her in bed is killing me!!! Im gona go crazy! I am going to be brave tmrw and end this! Wish me luck!:)
August 2nd, 2008 at 10:59 pm
I am pretty young and am soo surprised to see that there are so many women out there that are in almost the same situation I am. I started this whole mm thing about two months ago. Things have progressed very fast between us because 1) we work together, so we see each other all the time. Plus we im each other all day. 2) we have so much in common that we have become great friends 3) I am insanely attracted to him. He is thirteen years my senior. We started sleeping together when his baby was not even three months old. Which blows my mind.
He never makes any promises and I don’t push for any. I know my place and that was a hard pill for me to swallow in the beginning. But now I have accepted it and try to take it for what it is. We typically just see each other on weekdays and have once spent time together on the weekend. We don’t text or talk in the evenings because of records.
I know his wife is very much a presence in his life. An important one at that, or at least one that he values. He even talks about her sometimes. Little things. It drives me insane and I have already told myself that next time he brings her up I am going to ask him not to because I already feel guilty enough. What do I say and how do I say it as to not sound demanding or jealous?
He has been gone for a week. Called once (the office) and e-mailed once. As I write this and give details, I am realizing how much he is neglecting me. The thing is- he is just an exciting side thing for me too. I keep extremely busy and quite frankly I am not in love with him. But sometimes I think I am falling in love. Its like a battle.
I guess I can’t complain. He won’t leave and I don’t expect him to. I would love some feedback ladies!
August 3rd, 2008 at 6:00 pm
I am dating a married man. He told me he had plans to leave his wife of a few yrs, even before we got together. He is always there for me; if I text him a sad face, he immediately goes out and calls me.
He and his wife have no children.
He says he is falling in love with me. He says I am the happiest thing in his life.
We spent 3 hrs the other day just looking into each others eyes and so on. He dedicates songs to me, calls me every chance–sometime 5 times or more a day. I am missing him right now.
Today is Sunday, and for the first time, I have not heard from him. My heart hurts.
I am lonely and in love.
August 3rd, 2008 at 11:40 pm
I have been dating a married man for almost 6 months and so far I can’t complain. He knows how to treat me like a lady and I can see why hes hitched.I’ve always known he was married, even while we were flirting initially I didn’t care.I just went with the attraction I felt for him and threw caution to the wind. it took him a while to make the first move but when he finally asked me out on a date I melted.He laid the ground work immediately and I agreed to work around his schedule(I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and just wanted to date casually)Initially he was paranoid and nervous about being caught but once he got over that he was able to enjoy the process and was excited to have me as his gf.Once he got over his paranoia we finally got to have sex and all the wait made it that much more explosive.He is more romantic then any other guy I’ve ever been with and he makes me feel special.as of now hes excited to have me as his gf and likes the fact that he can date a woman with no strings attached again and Im glad to be with a mature man who has treated me better then any guy Ive dated so far.Just recently he made it up to me after a string of date cancellations by inviting me to his place for the first time. His wife was out of town and he decided to cook me dinner and even let me spend the night.I do fear that one day i will want him as my own but for now this will do.
August 12th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Just like u Mileena, I’ve dated a MM for 5 mos. He has no kids. But we haven’t had sex. It’s all just been heavy flirting, lots of sexual fantasy talks. Though there is no denying the mutual physical attraction. I’m 45 yrs old and have had many boyfriends in my past (divorcing now after 20 yrs). He is the first guy ever that gets me sooo sexually hot!! If he was brave enough to get together with me sexually, I know I would not hesitate. I’ll be honest…I feel just as you do in that I don’t care that he is married and have just thrown caution to the wind. I don’t ask much about his marriage/wife and he doesn’t talk about it either. But from comments here and there I can tell they don’t have much of a relationship. We relate and communicate really well with each other other than the sexual/flirting talk. I just wish it was more…but he hasn’t made any moves towards the physical. I’m just gonna move on and try to get over him.
August 13th, 2008 at 1:07 am
Well I am on here so obviously YES I am dating a MM. It is everything everyone say.. the sex the frienship etc. but everytime I spend any substantial time with him he kind of freaks out and goes through a huge guilt phase and says he needs to know why he feels this guilt… he admits he does love his wife and doesnt feed me lines but I believe he is in denial… After an amazing time together he has told me he cant have sex with me at all anymore but wants me in his life and wants to be my friend and we will hang out and we will see eachother again but that he has to figure some things out.. has anyone ever been through this and how did you deal with it? do they come back after their little episodes of guilt… should I just leave him alone till he contacts me? Thanks .. hurting!
August 13th, 2008 at 11:47 pm
I’ve been dating a MM for 11 months now. My MM tells me he is in love with his wife, has a wonderful sex life with her, and doesn’t know why he cheats. I know he will never leave her. He has a daughter with her whom he is crazy about. They’ve been together for 10 years married for 5. I always joked and told him “just don’t fall in love with me” but the truth is, I’m the one who fell in love with him. My family knows I’m dating him, but don’t know he’s married. I don’t see him on weekends or holidays. I see him almost every day after work. It’s not all about sex with us. We have so much fun together. We can just be sitting down talking and enjoying each other’s company… and have a great time. I am young, and have been asked out by many young single guys. My MM is 13 yrs. older than me. I once asked him if I was wasting my time with him, and even though he hesitated to answer, he did and his answer was “yes”. Even though I know all this, it is so hard for me to break it off with him. I am so comfortable with him. he makes me laugh, he treats me like a princess… but I know his wife is his queen. I know if I stop seeing him I am going to be very depressed. HE is my happiness, my motivation, my all, but I know that I’m not all these things to him. I don’t want to leave him… even if I only get a few hours on the weekdays, sometimes I think that’s all I need… but I do cry myself to sleep sometimes. I feel lonely and the worst part is, while I’m there alone, he is cuddling with his wife, sleeping in their bed. I don’t know what to do anymore. We talk about being together in our next life, but I don’t want to wait for our “next life” I want to be with him on this life time. What do I do? Does anyone have any advise for me? I just can’t leave him. I don’t want to leave him.
September 2nd, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I’m a MM and am dating a woman for the past year while seperated and living apart from my wife. The woman I am seeing knows my whole story. I started dating this woman while I was still living at home, but I didn’t feel right. I felt like i was “having my cake and eating it too”. My wife and I weren’t getting along, so I decided I needed to move out. Once I got my own place my girlfriend eventually moved in with me. Now my wife comes around and wants to reconcile for the kids. I want to pose a question: I’m torn between moving back with my wife for my son’s sake, but even though I’ve been apart from my wife I still take care of and spend time with my son. I’m really in love now with my girlfriend, everything she is what i want to be with. i just don’t know what I should do. Do I move back home and continue an unhealthy relationship in front of my son? Or should I do what would make me happy and stay with my girlfriend?
September 5th, 2008 at 11:20 am
I have been dating a MM for about 7 months now. The ironic thing is that I was recently divorced from a man I was with for 9 yrs only to find out just b4 signing our divorce papers that in fact he had been having an affair for the last year of our marriage.. Back then I swore I would never be with a MM. Soon after my divorce I found that it was fun to be in the dating society again, evn though it was scary at first.But it didnt seem to matter that it was just fun for me.. to just play the field so-to-speak!Then I ended up in a relationship with someone a great guy who gave me his attention, and we enjoyed being with each other and then after 8 months he decides he doesn’t want to be committed and isn’t ready for a “serious” relationship… go figure right?? Well it took a couple of weeks to regain confidence in myself again but I did. There was no love-loss in that relationship so I didnt have a broken heart just help me to take a few steps back and really look at myself and what I wanted… Which is when I get to the part about the MM I am still with. Like so many of the postings previously. I too have not asked for him to leave his wife, family etc. We started out as just in it for the sex the excitement, I couldn’t believe I was actually doing the unthinkable!! But I could not help how sexually attractive I was to him.. He made me fell like I was irresistable..and still does that has not changed ever! What has changed is the feelings have been out in the open between the two of us since two weeks into this. I resisted with the whole “I Love You” for a while as I wasnt sure in the beginning. I do Love him and everything about him. Yes he may be having his cake and eating it too. But I knew he was a married man when I met him.. I also know that she does not have sexual desire for him as she has many of her own self confidence issues, she refuses to admit they have issues emotionally and sexually. because she chooses to deny this she still lives her fantasy marriage with him and represents their marriage as one that is perfect and without flaw. Although there have been a few times recently that he has almost left, because he just cant take the emptiness he feels when he is at home with her. But he ultimately chooses to stay as they have a two-yr old daughter together. This much I can undestand.. But what he fails to see is the emotional or the lack of for that matter that he is allowing his daughter to be subject to. If there truly is issues in his marriage than all they are doing is hiding the enevitable, or at least covering it up.. But as far as he and I are concerned, we know how we feel about each other and that is that we truly do LOve on another. he always says that he knows that I will be the one to end it because he knows that I will eventually want someone that will give me their undivided attention and i will want someone that can truly be 100% committed to me. He has never promised me that he would leave his wife nor have i or will i ask him to. That is something tha he will have to figure out for himself. Yes i would be lying if i said that i dont want him to myself because I do.. but i truly am satisfied with what we have together right now. yes at times it is lonely, but for the most part we see each other at least 2-3 times a week and at least one full day and night on the weekends.He tells me he never wants to lose me, but that we both know that one day it will end, and we have agreed to try no matter how hard it will be that when the day comes that it is over to try to remain close friends and handle it maturely. I believe sincerely that I am content with the way things are right now, but i wont say isnt hard at times cuz it is but I keep myself busy and try to be positive and continue living my life as I would if he wasnt in it with the exception of the fact that I have not made myself available to anyone in eight months… like I said I Love this man and right now i am content with being comitted to just him. I have to add that I have never experienced a love like this with anyone else before,… not ever. I never thought feeling this much love for each other was ever going to be an option for me.. So therefore I will take the Married Man that I know loves and desires ME over the dating game any day… Everyone finds love at one point in time in their life. And to be able to experience this with this MM is worth it in my eyes and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. No question! Because in the end ” it’s not the years in you life that matters, but the life in your years!”
September 5th, 2008 at 2:14 pm
To: “..”106 by confused in love”…” I’m a MM and was in a relationship with a woman for over a year. I will tell you right now… Only stay in the relationship if you feel that it is what you can deal with. Because more then likely he is not going to leave his wife. He even came out and told you this. Not saying what you are doing is bad but if you think about it the end of you an his relationship is going to be a broken heart. Not just for you but for him too. Beleive me I know, I’m going through it. Me and the woman I was seeing have just went our ways after several attempts of trying to remove ourselves from each other. And it is very very hard. I cant eat, cant sleep and I just mope around the house… Its just as bad for her. We’ll both get over it. Easy for her though cuz she’ll move on and find someone else but I’m stuck at home in a marriage that I’m not all that happy with. So if your worried about being depressed, I say dont worry because being depressed and heart broken is THE ONLY way your relationship is going to end. Its gonna heart too….
September 5th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
One more thing… People shouldn’t always assume that this is only hard on the woman. I told the woman I was seeing from the start. “This cant turn into a relationship” and when I seen that it was I tried to end it… She would tell me…”Everything is cool lets just keep going” so I did… I would say after the first six months the relationship went from fun to stressful. By now she was telling me I needed to leave my wife-which is something I never told her I would do- I understood that she was lonely and would often cry. I would tell her.. “You deserve more… and I’ll leave you alone so you can find someone” I did tell her though as long as she was with me she could only be with me… And when she was ready to be with someone else then I would leave her alone. I became so attached to her that I became very jealous and suspicious of her activities when we were not together… I know I shouldn’t have because I was the MM but My feelings were so fully vested into the relationship I couldn’t picture her with someone else.. She use to call me and send me text messages all the time… I would spend countless nights staring at my phone to see if she would call or text… She finally moved away out of state. She asked for me to leave my family and move with her however I just felt that I have an obligation to raise my child therefore I could never leave my daughter to be raised in a single household family. She has went as far as trying to hurt herself over us not being together..She has recently told me that she was going to start seeing other men. That really hurt and has sent me really in to a depressed state. She just doesn’t understand. She says, “I know you love me… And can tell its hurting you… I don’t understand why you just wont leave” I have to get over here because my life is horrible now. Thinking about her and who she is with or what she is doing is effecting my work and my home life. I will know longer answer her calls or e-mails. Not trying to be a jerk but I have to cut ties with her at least for some time. The roles have reversed… Now I’m the one that is miserable. I know that this is my Karma for cheating on my wife, My Karma for looking at my daughter each morning knowing I was going to see another woman, my Karma for kissing my wife with the same lips that had just been on another woman only hours before. Before I started having this affair I was a different person. Very confident, very calm and laid back. Very easy going. She was my kryptonite and she broke me… Like I said its my Karma and this is what I deserve… It will get better for me in time though… I just have to stay busy and try an work on my marriage. Just wanted to share this because I always here how this effects the “Other woman” but never the man.
September 8th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
it is hard. falling in love with a married man is easy. the hardest bit is trying to move on without him.
September 8th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I’ve been seeing a married man (he’s been married for 16 years) for 3 months. We haven’t had sex. It’s been more of a emotional relationship. I am following all the rules above and it has seemed to backfire. I am a immensely private woman. I find that he wants people to know that we’re seeing each other. He’s very very very affectionate in public. No matter where we go, and is in no way hiding me. I knew going into this that all we could be are friends. He’s in love with me and I know it. I feel it when I look in his eyes, his physical display of affection, phone calls, text messages and messages and comments left with my friends. I won’t sleep with him because I scared that this will cause another deep level to the intimacy bond that we have. I followed the rules to this game and he’s turned into the obsessed. How do I break it off without things turning bad?
September 9th, 2008 at 2:43 am
Hey Mr. Man, I am going through the exact same thing that you are. I just recently stopped seeing the woman after more than a year together, I feel the same way you do…I can’t stand to think about her being with somebody else because we grew so close to each other. I’m depressed and alot of times I reconsider if I should try to get her back. Only difference is I actually moved out from my wife and got an apt. And once I broke it off with the other woman, I moved back in with my wife.I’m trying to take it one day at a time but I find myself thinking about her all the time constantly checking my phone for new texts. I’m asking myself if I made the “right” decision…I was never more happy than when I was with her, but I have a responsibility to my son and thats why I didn’t divorce my wife and even though I was out of the house I didn’t end the marriage completely. I keep asking myself “Did I make the right choice?” Right now it doesn’t feel like I did.
September 10th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
I’ve been involved with a MM for several months. I knew he was married and wouldn’t leave his wife, but I went ahead anyway. He travels on business a lot, so I spend the night with him a few times a month. We also meet during the day but not always for sex and get this! We hold hands, kiss and are very affectionate in public…it’s incredible. Is he just being brash or what? He keeps telling me that we shouldn’t fall in love, but I think it’s too late for me. He’s been married over 30 years and loves his wife, although they don’t have sex. But she does every thing else for him! He treats me very well and the sex is the most amazing I’ve ever had. But it’s an emotional rollercoaster…the highs are followed by such incredible lows. I get depressed sometimes on weekends and holidays because I’m alone and he spends it with his family. He’s as happy as a pig in s#$% and why shouldn’t he be? He has two women catering to his every whim.
I’ve tried dating other men, but no one can hold a candle to him. I get so angry with myself and with him; thinking that he’s a selfish, lying ass*^$# but that all goes away when I see him, get a phone call, text or email from him. I know this is wrong and I need to end it. I’m not some youngster; he and I are both middle aged. Also, I’m not the first woman he’s cheated with; but they were all married and I’m single. The depression and loss of self esteem is killing me. Part of the problem, too is that I’m going through some hard times financially, and he gives me an allowance. Some words of advice, please.
September 12th, 2008 at 1:53 am
I have been on the verge of dating a MM for about 2 months (perhaps we HAVE been “dating,” though we sure as heck do not actually go on dates, but only meet clandestinely to chat each other up). Like many of you, we worked at the same location; like many of the married men, he is unhappy in his marriage. We slept together once, about a month ago, and it was unreal, very satisfying, very connected. Yet after this we decided it was dishonest and unkind to move forward in such a way, but we’ve continued to text each other and “accidentally on purpose” bump into each other at work or in the neighborhood, thinking “we can be friends, right?” Nevertheless, I’ve felt uncertain on how to proceed - what I want, what to expect from him, etc.
Thank you #99 who posted, “You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready.” This is true not only for married men but for all men and women. Good things will come our way when we clear the space for them to arrive.
Ultimately, I respect myself and I want to keep doing so. My vision of myself as a kind, confident woman is out of sync with my actions if I am dating a married man. I know this: I was cheated on once and it feels utterly terrible, no two ways about it.
To #80 Broken Heart: I’m sorry for your experience; it sounds incredibly awful. Thank you for sharing this because it helped me to see that I don’t want to be an accomplice in creating that kind of pain for a woman and her family. I’ve already done enough in these 2 shorts months of flirting and playing.
Thank you all for posting your experiences on this forum; it has helped me to see that dating a MM is not right for me.
September 13th, 2008 at 6:08 pm
I started my affair with married man since i’m 17 years old.
2 years gone.
Then second married man when i’m 19.
4 years gone.
The third married man when i’m 23.
5 years gone.
Dont do the same mistake girls.
Looking at those time i waste, i could have build a better relationship with a single man.
This man wont commit anything.
You spend most of time checking on him because you know you cant trust him. All the guy i dated are same story.
Relationship that require you to be an inspector. Checking on him. Then you will ask yourself, what am i doing?
This suppose to be a normal love affair.
It never normal since beginning. You know it.
I’m in my late 20s, i feel better now. He just dump me. Great! I’m starting looking for single man to start a real relationship.
Dont hold your life for something like this.
Its just hurt, wasteful and you build nothing there.
Just a small hope that you think it will shine someday.
Well, whatever he said, that wont happen.
Join me to a better life without married man!
We deserve all those weekend that he is not available and we end up alone. We deserve better!!!
I / we had enough of them!
September 14th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
I have been in a relationship with a married man for 9 years. Yes - I am a veteran. We started out as friends, became best friends and it wasn’t long after that I knew he was the person I was supposed to grow old with. At the time that we started our relationship, we were both married. I had two children and he had two. After two years of being in our relationship, I found out that he had gotten his wife pregnant. This was a really hard time. I can tell you that both of us were having sex with our spouses and we both knew this. We were only doing it to maintain peace.
Two years ago I divorced. It had finally gotten too bad and I realized that my children would be better off (This had been the only reason I stayed in the marriage as long as I did in the first place).
He is still in his loveless marriage and it has been continuously getting harder for us. Although within the last year we have spent more and more time together and I have seen proof that he has not been with his wife sexually for more than 2 years, I am beginning to doubt that we will ever be together the way that I want it to be.
If there is such a thing as a soulmate - he is mine. When we are together it is as though the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
He insists that he is planning to leave her at the end of this year but I just am not sure I can hang on. What should I do? I love this man with all of my heart and cannot imagine my life without him but I am ready for our life together to start NOW! Help!
September 16th, 2008 at 2:02 am
Currently seeing a TWO married men. Mmy partner of 7 yrs recently asked for time out…. I totally agree with the tip that says : Don’t wait around for him, pursue your interests, go for dinner with otehr guys, take weekend break away from the city w/ friend or alone…that’s the only way you’ll stay sane. They are in my life for different reasons but the basic thing is : they must call me if they need to spend time with me - and I shouldn’t be waiting for their call when it comes!
Maybe I just need them to help me feel good again - feel appreciated - for affection - to talk to every now and then - great sex or to get spoiled ( even though I can still do it myself, it’s lovely when a man does it!). the most challenging part though is making sure that you don’t fall in love…..I have no idea what I will do when I reach that stage//
September 19th, 2008 at 1:46 am
I have dated 2 married man in my life,1 was 3years back where i enjoyed myself like there was no tomorrow,the wife found out about us and i said bye i can’t stand this life of sharing you with someonee.we still kept contact now and again,i then lost my fiance June 2007,I met a MM early this year.a very nice,respected man we went out on the First date.
he set he rules saying no calling or sending sms’s late at nite,last and important rule he said don’t fall pregnant.I then set my rules and said well don’t worry what makes a woman pregnant is SEX me and You are not have sex as you are getting from ur wife so why do you want it form me.he used to introduce me as his wife and refer to me as wiffy!!!!!!!!!
everything was ok,i was in small heaven with the way he threated me,he wanted to attend his brother wedding at some point.one day he was going through my phone of which at that point i was chating to my ex married man,i refused for him to see my phone,i then asked him not to as i was chating with a guy who killed my fiance.he did’nt believe then he started beinged very moody saying i cheated on him.after a coulpe of weeks he said it time we met in bed, i said hell NO.that was the last of him til today
guys i feel that is a temple of god i only slept with my fiance and no one else so i wont sleep with niether of them.it is very nice to a date a married man.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:14 am
I have dated 2 married man in my life,1 was 3years back where i enjoyed myself like there was no tomorrow,the wife found out about us and i said bye i can’t stand this life of sharing you with someone else.we still kept contact now and again,i then lost my fiance June 2007,I met a MM early this year.a very nice,respected man we went out on the First date.
he set he rules saying no calling or sending sms’s late at nite,last and important rule he said don’t fall pregnant.I then set my rules and said well don’t worry what makes a woman pregnant is SEX me and You are not gonna have sex as you are getting from ur wife so why do you want it from me.he used to introduce to me people as his wife and refer to me as wiffy!!!!!!!!!
everything was ok,i was in a small heaven with the way he threated me,he wanted me to attend his brother’s wedding at some point.one day he was going through my phone of which at that point i was chating to my ex married man,i refused for him to see my phone,i then asked him not to as i was chating with a guy who killed my late fiance.he did’nt believe me then he started beinged very moody saying i cheated on him.after a coulpe of weeks he said it time we met in bed, i said hell NO.that was the last of him til today
guys i feel that is a temple of god i only slept with my fiance and no one else so i wont sleep with niether of them.it is very nice to a date a married man.
I enjoyed myself
September 19th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
I’ve been having fun pretending I’m having an illicit affair.. with my boyfriend! We write steamy letters to each other saying how hard it is to pretend to our “spouses” that nothing’s going on, and how excited we are to meet up at a no-tell motel that weekend.
It’s a way to have cake & eat it too. We’re cheating on each other.. with each other!!
September 20th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I need help. I’m desperate and going out of my mind because of my MM.
It’s been 2 years since we started dating. We are in love (or at least he says he is in love with me), we see each other several times each week, I introduced him to my family a few months ago, and they know him as my boyfriend who is separated and waiting to finalize a divorce, although he is not. He spends time with me, we go out, he cooks for me and writes me poetry, buys me cards and flowers - he is my soul mate and no one has touched me like he has. But he’s married. He keeps promising he’s leaving his wife, who found out about me because she saw text messages, but he managed to convince her we’ve only kissed once. He is waiting to hear about a job and if he gets it he will be away in training for 6 months and when he comes back he promises they will divorce, and if he does not get the job they will start the process now. He has a 2 year old kid and doesn’t want to ruin the child’s life, and I’m trying to be understanding of that. But I’ve given this man the last 2 years of my life. He says I have shown him what love really is, I have opened his heart and have showed him what emotions are. He says he is not in love with his wife and looking back he never really was. It was just whatever, getting married seemed like the right thing to do. Do I believe his promises? He claims they sleep in separate rooms, never have sex (because she stopped wanting to after the kid was born) don’t kiss, hug, touch, or talk really. She always yells at him and blames him for things, like he can’t do anything right. Or so he says. Should I get out now or believe his promises? We are best friends and soul mates - I just don’t know what to do. Please help.
September 23rd, 2008 at 10:21 pm
Well I am messing around with 3 different Married Men. I am about to go crazy, HOW and Why did I let this happen. I had to quit my job of 12 years, because this has consumed so much of my time. They all pay some type of bill for me, including my mortgage. They have turned me into a LIAR, having to lie to each of them. I am having unprotected sex with all of them, because I am allergic to latex. They all think they are the only one!! Go Figure!! I feel so guilty, its a shamed. And to make matters worse, I recently found out that I am 3 months pregnant. Now ladies…Whose damn baby is this?? Do I tell them? I basically want to just leave town…Being with a Married Man is no fun…at least not ANYMORE H E L P
October 10th, 2008 at 3:39 am
I’m in love with a married man, he always complain about his wife’s behavior, but he don’t show interest in me or give me enough time, what do i do?
October 14th, 2008 at 4:27 am
i have been seeing a married man for the past three weeks and i hate to admit it this man makes me so happy. i had known him for over eight years but as a colleage. i dont need to call him he sort of feels it that i miss him and the moment i think of him he calls. he sort of reads my mind. I know its bad considering i know his wife. I dont need him telling me how bad his wife is. she is in every aspect because i have known them before they even got married. am not trying to defend him or make myself feel better about this whole thing but i think this man truly loves me At one point the wife tried to commit suicide because he had asked for a divorce and went for months threatening to kill herself should he leave her. so at the moment he is with her because he is scared she will commit suicide.
He gives me so much more than i expected from a married man. I have dated married men before but they are not like him. I dont know if his behaviour is due to frustrations at home or trying to make up for the lost time.
what makes this whole situation bad is am also married and to a man who seems not to notice me, they are two completely different people. My married Boyf does exactly the opposite of my husband. he kinda makes me feel whole in every way. Does not give me grief compared to my husband. Should i give him a chance???
October 16th, 2008 at 7:09 am
hey everyone i’ve read thru all of these and to tell you guys most of what you say is true yes but have you ever thought that maybe the wife is the problem most off the times too.
i’m involved with a married guy and i’ve seen what sum wives do to there husbands.
ohk we work together an before we got involved we were best friends.he is a very gentle guy an every1 at work loves him to bits. it started out where she always moans about his friends and that when it comes to saturdays for his time out with males she picks fights with him just to keep him at home.
one day after work he gave me a lift home and we started talking about our problems an he told me that his wife treated him like a child and that she had an affair with a friend of his and he forgave her but after he gave her a second chance she’s watching his every move. we’re togther now for 4mnths and she is still seeing the guy he caught her with. we’re happy and he still goes hme to her but in seperate rooms.
this is just a short part of my story.
TO EVERY FEMALE OUT THERE YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH A MARRIED MAN IF YOU HAVE THO WHOLE STORY AND IF THER’S KIDS THE SAME THING GOES. WE HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS KIDS AND FROM ME I’VE FALLEN INLOVE WITH HIS KIDS AND TREAT THEM LIKE I’D TREAT MY OWN CAUSE IF YOU LOVE THE GUY U CAN BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS KIDS.
THIS IS WHAT I’M DOING JUST TO KEEP THE LOVE FLOWING AND THE WIFE AT BAY
October 22nd, 2008 at 10:00 am
I’m with #68, Satisfied…for now. So back at the beginning of the summer this guy contacts me through MySpace. He is the same age as me, 50. He tells me right up front he is married and that his wife is no longer interested. He has this incredible offbeat sense of humor, like mine. I find humor in a guy very attractive. I was intrigued but cautious at first. I was also trying to get into a relationship with another guy at the time (another story for another day and another site). I was up front and told him that I was in a new relationship. He said he liked my profile a lot and wanted to keep talking. I am married, too. I am separated from my husband and it is only a matter of time before we are divorced. So I am emailing back and forth with him and I am becoming more and more intrigued and interested. He fascinated me. But I was vacillating, too. I was torn between attraction for him, the fact that he was married, and trying to get this other relationship on the road. We started IMing and things really took off between us.
The other relationship fizzled. In the meantime, I had already met up with the married guy and we not only hit it off, I was intensely attracted to him–something I just was not prepared for. The chemistry between us was electrifying. You know the old fireworks stereotype when people with chemistry kiss? Well, it happened. I tried to break it off with him a couple of times, but we just were too attracted to each other. The bottom line is that I have fallen in love with him. I have my eyes wide open. As I am still married myself, I’m in limbo anyway. I have a daughter who is in high school, so I refuse to get into a really committed relationship for the time being.
This relationship works for me right now. We have a minimum of three years to either work things out or say goodbye. I am at a point where I can’t imagine not having him in my life. Be it right or wrong, I’m in this for the long haul. But, I’m not going to be completely stupid about it. If in three years when the kid graduates, if he is still not willing to make any kind of commitment to me and he is still with his wife, then as painful as it might be, I’m out of there. He is the type of person I will always be good friends with. I make no demands of him. He makes no demands of me. As a matter of fact, he clearly tells me that he cannot be what I need right now and I accept that. I honestly believe that this may very well end up going someplace, but I’m not going to be stupid about it. The biggest drawback to the relationship is that we have a little bit of distance between us, but believe me, even though I only get to see him about once a month, it is worth it. I am going to hold on to the moments I have with him because life is short, real chemistry between people is rare, and true love is elusive.
October 24th, 2008 at 7:34 pm
I have been dating a MM for 2 soon to be 3 years. At first he told he he was not married, but because I got this gut feeling that he was not telling the truth, I kept pressuring him for the truth. Fianally, after 3 months of dating I insisted on the truth. I really was not ready for the answer he gave. Yep, he was married. I had recently seperated from my husband of 12 years, due to irreconcible differences. My MM couldn’t have came at a better time. He was my knight in shining armor. Well two years later, I am sad, lonely, depressed, and taking anti-depressants to help ease the pain. However, there isn’t anything to take for heartache. He has never promised me that he would leave his wife, nor have I inquired about it. Ladies take it from me, if you can getout not then do so. Chances are they will NEVER leave. I mean why should they when they have a “Full course meal at home, and they can come to us for dessert”. I am so tired of seeing him only once a week. We really do deserve better, but it seems that it is less painful to be with them, than it is to be painful without them. He tells me how much he loves me, how much I mean to him, but yet and still I sleep alone each and every night. I don’t call that love. If I ever get out of this (and I promised myself that I will) I will never do this again.
October 25th, 2008 at 7:54 am
I have been in a relationship with a mm for 2 going on 3 years
my advice to any woman thinking about it please,please don’t do
it.It is heart breaking.If you think you are the only other
woman you are stupid because like they say once a cheat always a cheat….We are worth more…..
October 25th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
I met this married man 5 years ago. We started talking as friends. The occassional drink here and there.. phone calls became more frequent. He became the closest person to me. I was, and still am, in a relationship.. he is married with kids. We are both unhappy in our relationships. He will never leave his wife. I know that.. I am not wanting that. I will not leave my bf for him. But, I love him. It is hard to deal with this. He is my best friend. I have read so many things about how a married man does not respect the woman he cheats on his wife with.. I think that is so far from the truth.. We both have respect for each other.. I have never felt as though he did not respect me.. I knew when we first started talking that he had cheated on his wife in the past. Neither one of us expected anything more than friends out of our relationship.. I know that I am the first person he comes to with good/bad news, the person he enjoys being with, the person who can fulfill his needs. Why if I am not willing to leave my bf for him, does it bother me that he is not willing to leave his wife for me??
October 26th, 2008 at 11:47 am
people, u can tell someone that gettin involved with a married man is wrong, hurtful and ends in disaster! ive been there, i went in knowingly and also knowing of the above statement and my friends told me not to. but im curious by nature and i wanted to see what would happen nxt, and so i did…and as ive read on most of the stories on here, the same applied to me. he made me happy and i did have strong feelings for him…i became tolerant of a lot yhings i wouldnt normally have been…he left his wife (not because of me soley) but went back a month later, because of their little girl, they said they would give it another go. but he still did not want to give me up!! so i decided to see him one las time, which i did and i broke up with him the following day.i was sad, but happy, like a huge wieght had been lifted off my shoulders. i dint trust him and ended up paranoid, always trying to catch him in a lies, i was more unhappy than i ever had been!….
now ask yourselves this “did he make you really happy?”….u and i got the good sex, dinners movies and the sweet words, time was too precious to argue when he was around, and when he was away you’re the one goin to bed with a hurting heart…ladies, theres is only a very small handfull of men who leave their wives for their bit on the side, no matter how much they tell you they love you…people are scared of change and the devil you know is better than the devil you dont know….
November 10th, 2008 at 1:49 am
I am currently “casually” dating a married man. He confessed that he was married after we slept together for the first time. I could sense he was trying to hide something initially as he was EXTREMELY paranoid and secretive. I was a bit skeptical at first but we have so much in common and he made me feel great, so much so that I threw skepticism out the window.I don’t want anything serious now and its great for him too as I was more than willing to work around his schedule. Hes more relaxed now as he confessed that it was his first time cheating and his paranoia was what almost got him caught! Aside from that incident all is going smoothly, although from all of these stories and others Ive heard Im a bit scared.
November 13th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Number 128 is exactly what I have been going thru for 22 months.
I am also married and have an 11 yr. old.My married man tells me his wife is addicted to prescription drugs and he keeps telling her to get help but she just talks and no action. She has tried to commit suicide and been in and out of hospitals so he feels if he leaves she will do something crazy and he will not be able to live with himself. I feel that she is using her addiction to make him stay and why would she leave if he’s taking care of her and her habit.
I’ve told my married boyfriend that I will not wait forever. The most I’ll give him is 3 years 2 decide. Then if he still with his wife by then I will walk away and have learned a valuable lesson and be stronger for it.
Meantime I will enjoy our time together because we think so much alike and I do love him and I have never found that in a person
I do feel lonely at times but I never call him or text until he
does first. And sometimes he has to call me twice for I do not put my life on hold for him. I say if he truely loves me he will leave her and if not my life will go on.
everytime he tells me he’d love to spend a weekend with me I just simply say…just think of all the weekends we will have together when u leave ur wife.
He has talked about having a future with me for good and I say well, that’s up to u. I’m ready.
So, ladies just live ur life. if it doesn’t work just know u never really had him to begin with.
November 16th, 2008 at 11:25 pm
I haven’t yet gotten involved with this married man.
We met while I was interning at his workplace
and for three straight months he would NOT leave me alone. I tried my hardest to act as though I was not phased by any of his advances.
Finally toward the end of my internship I gave him my email address and now we email back and forth all day and have been for the last 2 and a half months that I’ve been away at school.
he wants me to go see him when I come back to town and I do want to see him. Im having all those fears about the kids and the wife and the age difference isn’t that great. I mean, he’s only twenty four.
I’m really attracted to him. and hey, Maybe this isn’t the best Idea… but the chemistry is great he’s alot of fun and I’m not expecting anything long term. Im sure that when the rush dies down he’ll be back to his wife.
I don’t want to wonder what it would have been like if I had tried it.
November 22nd, 2008 at 3:30 pm
So I have been seeing a married man for 3 weeks. We both like each other and enjoy each other’s company. He treats me very well but we see each other once a week given his commitment to his “family”. We plan on going away over christmas and all and being a student am excited about it because he is paying for it all and he is really classy- all those things that I would like in a man. The problem is am worried that I might get emotionally attached and won’t have him all the time. My other worry is our age difference he is well… 28 years older than me. so i can see myself being lonely when i need him. but so far its fun!
November 25th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
Its good and bad knowing how many woman are in the same situation. I am dating a married man. He is 14yrs older than me, no kids and tells me life is short and to just have fun. Life is short and I do want to have fun I just dont know who’s expense its going to be at. He will not leave his wife, I know this. Yet I continue to sleep with him cause of our amazing connection. After reading all these stories I cant help but feel it is true, if he is willing to lie to his WIFE he is willing to lie to you. Seems like we are all allowing ourselves to be used. I want to walk away so badly but Im so scared that I wont find someone like him. He gives me the attention I need and makes me feel so wonderful. This sucks How do you walk away? Im struggling so hard I want to leave but I cant.
November 25th, 2008 at 11:06 pm
I am currently dating a married man,and am telling you its fun coz theres nothing that you guys can not do if you both into the same wavelength,man do cheat anyway so why bother?its better coz when he is not with you,he is with her.They are very loving and supportive in every way…….dont want anybody else but him.
November 28th, 2008 at 5:04 pm
Okay, I too have been dating a married man. I fell in Love with him and he we have had soem great times togetther. I NEVER asked hm to leave his wife, ever! She found out and our contact is through text messages, on his pre paid phone.ANd a couple of random meetings! I am hooked on him. I am embarrced to say that in my 38 years he is the only man I ever loved. He tells me he loves and misses me. Then I don’t hear from him for days. He tells me we will make love again soon, and I wait! In my opinion to all the married men who fall in love and continue relationships, THE WORST thing to do is just CUT OFF the comminication. If it’s over, just tell her it is over! Don’t let her wait for nothing! I don’t think it is fair or even very nice !to not be honest! It hurts way too much!I know it is a hard thing to do, because of the sake of love, but if you love her you will tell her to move on! ANd maybe in the future things will be different!
November 30th, 2008 at 2:10 am
I started to date a married man this past july. We met through work. The only difference is I to am a married woman. We both decided that this was goig to be a no strings attached relationship. We never speak of love or leaving our spouses. We saw eachother for a brief encounter this evening and I ealized tonight that i am in love with him. This hurts me deeply because i know we will never be together and i can never tell him my true feelings. Why did i start this mess? I cannot sleep. All i think about is him.
December 3rd, 2008 at 11:45 pm
When I met him, he was separated from his wife. In fact, in the small amount of time they have been married, he has left her several times, so I met them in the midst of one of their separation periods. A year and a half after being introduced to each other via mutual friends (they thought we were perfect for each other, and seemingly we are, other than the fact that he\’s MARRIED), and nine months into \’dating\’, here we are…
Right now, I\’m happy with this situation. I guess because I never stopped dating other men the entire time. I knew not to make any demands on him at all, but ironically, it seems to pay off because I see him a lot, and he\’s told me that I\’m priceless because I don\’t make demands on him or complain about the situation. We spend a lot of time together…I talk to him a lot, and he calls me EVEN when he\’s at home. We started out as friends first, and I believe that no matter what, we will always be friends because I\’m being realistic and keeping our situation in perspective.
However, lately, I feel like we\’re getting in over our heads. I do not want his wife to find out…I do not want her to get hurt. And I never intended to \’take\’ him away from her. However, he\’s telling our mutual friends that he\’s making plans to leave her….again…and that he wants to be with me full time and he wants to start a family with me. He\’s told me several times that he wants a family with me, but I just blew it off when he says that because of the fact that he\’s MARRIED. It seems to me like I\’m the one trying to stay realistic, yet I think he\’s fantasizing about the alternative.
I never thought that it was possible that I\’d EVER knowingly date a married man, but here I am. So far, no regrets.
December 6th, 2008 at 8:11 pm
It has been 1 1/2 years that I have been dating a MM, my boss. I have been separted for 1 year. His wife also works at the office. It is difficult. I can not stop. Many of these posts say to stop, don’t do it, but how? He has made no promises to me. He will not leave his wife, kids. I understand. It seems to be a all sex relationship. I love him but have not told him. I suspect me loves me also. Should I tell him my true feelings after 1 1/2 years?
If his wife finds out I will lose my job. I do make them alot of money but she will not care. If he ends it I will leave.
Many lonely nights, Thanksgivings, Christmas eve’s, etc. Depressing.
Why do we torture ourselves like this with MM?
He’s all I think about.
It seems impossible to stop this at this point. I refuse to stop.
December 9th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
I was just browsing “Dating Married Men” and I came across this post.With reading all of this, it lets me know that Im not alone.I am 19 years old and I have been with 2 married men in their 30’s.One which was a bestfriend kind of relationship and one that was a “just sex” relationship.Married men tend to be the only men that I seem to attract.To me it is best to stop the cycle now because of I dont that will be basically my life story, “Single Woman Dates Married Men”, and it ends at that.I cant say that it has ruined my life or has damaged me but I can say that it was fun at the time.It sucks when you have to go home to an empty bed, spend all holidays alone, and wonder what the “other party” is doing.Keep in mind that I am only 19 years old and I have already experienced enough for an 40 yrar old woman to comprehend.When I first started dating I dated single men until I got my heart broken by one.So my intentions were to only date guys and whatever happens….Then I started thinking my relations and life would be better if I dont base everything around emotions and “Nice guys and gals finish last”.
When I started working alot of men were taking interest in me and I ran into one that seemed really nice.He was very charming and he treated me with so much respect.He appeared to be a good talker and a hardworking “Christian Man”.He didnt smoke, dranked once in a blue moon.He gave me advice about issues I was having and we connected.He called it a “Brother/Sister Bond”.To me that was his way of covering up the fact that we had feelings for each other but he made himself actually believe thats what he was to me, for a while.As the weeks went by we got closer and we had talked about taking things to the next level.In our conversation he told me he was married with 5 children, one which was one year younger than me.He and his wife had been seperated for over a year and he still loved her but had no intentions of waiting for her to come around but still wanted to play the “Faithful husband”.He also had another babymother whom he shared 3 girls with, his wife had the other two.That didnt bother me cause it has never stopped anyone from creeping around every once in a while.
He gave me verses in the bible everyday about temptation and fighting it.Days later came the flirting.People warned me about him and how he plays the innocent role to get women and young girls who are naive in bed.I listened to them but part of me wanted to get him into bed.It wasnt what I stood for cause I considered myself as a sophisticated young woman with morals and values.I was one of those women who said that I would never go there or stoop so low to degrading myself.I was smarter than what I appeared to be and I thought I was playing the game well.
After weeks of flirting, I get a phone call one morning after work.(I didnt mention that this MM worked with me on my job,He was actually a Superior to me.) He called me to ask me if I could “help” him.I wasnt sure what he was talking about so he broke it down for me and asked me “the” question.(Can you still be friends with someone if you have sex with them?!?!)..I said yes and thats when we started having sex.(Which was a HUGE muistake by the way).It wasnt up to my expectations but it was good.Good enough to have me in love, but the sex wasnt the reason I fell for him.Like I said he was a charmer.He bought me things and he showed concern for me.Though I was in my world thinking I could get him if I wanted to, I mean REALLY wanted to, things still didnt go as I wanted them to.He was mixed with different emotions like one minute he wanted his wife and the next he wanted us to have an affair.After he got what he wanted (My Booty) he called me a few hours later saying that his wife wanted to work things out.
Meanwhile buzz went around on the job about him.Things were said that I couldnt even phantom being true.Come to find out I wasnt the only one to have had a bond with him.Mostly all the women on the job did.Even he was having sex on the job.It got to me cause we’ve known each other for a year and during all of this happening I’ve been there.Through his seperation and I did everything for him.He had no car so I made sure he had a dependant ride.Whenever he called, I came.Seriously, I let him borrow money from me and not pay it back.I took care of him and his kids when everyone called me a fool.He was living with another woman and screwing her too, I found alot out about him.There were things he didnt tell me and he was supposed to be my friend.When I got tired of his drama and him using me I stopped all those things.No more money, rides, sex, conversation, no nothing.Not even friendship like we had.I moved on and he did too.When he realized that I was changing on him, he tried to make me feel guilty by saying he’s a good friend for life and I was being corrupted.His favorite line “Thats not how friends do friends”….More happened but I had to summon it up at that…
My second experience is current.Something that just happened and I had no intentions of going there again but once again, it did.Only thing Im doing differently this time is doing away with emotions.This MM is a “just sex” thing.He dont talk and I dont ask.To me you shouldnt ask what you dont want to know.If you seek you’re gonna find something that possibly needs to stay hidden.Im not gonna lie, the sex is AMAZING!!….But once again running on emotions, you’ll wonder with lonliness.So I never second guess and I never think about nothing else but sex with him.It can be fun if you dont fall in love and see it as what it is.Its an so-so situation and once you get involved it becomes a habit you have a hard time breaking.Apart of me wants this current affair to end but everytime I go to break it, my fiene for him grows deeper cause its something I look forward to every week.Plus its mind blowing to live in a fantasy every once in a while.I wouldnt recommend anyone dating a MM but if thats what someone perfers then by all means do what fits you, its your comfort zone.On some ends it could be seen as bad but for some its about satisfaction, unless you plan on falling in love with him.(Which is a no-no.) I think everyone has explained those reasons clearly.
December 11th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
My case is too similar to “#34 by inthisdeep”, I am married for last 11 years and but my marriage was too early just while passing out of my college. Me and my wife does not look not beyond 30 years of age. We have a 10 years old son.
For last couple of years the emotional attachment between us has gone for a toss but it was my challenging job which kept me quite busy to think of anything else. Now i had recently changed my job which gave me opportunity to look here and there and I got stucked to a young, very pretty girl..things as of now have gone till coffee date, expressing my feelings and have told her frankly about my mar stat in the first date itself.
As of now I am too tensed, too consfused on where to go and shall I or should i not pursue this relation at all. I love this girl too much and do not want to hurt in anyways.
This site has all given me some indepth expereince of females who are in such relation and most of them have regrets..so I m pretty sad to know the outcome of such relations.
Comments appreciated
December 17th, 2008 at 7:49 am
I’ve fallen inlove with a married man who happens to be my boss, I didnt see this comming or plan it…
It seems like i always had married men attracted to me & I didnt mind flirting now & then but never had i ever thought i would find myself emotionally & physically dependant on this relationship he is an amazing man its hard not to love him, but the thought of hurting is family satuarates my mind to point I cannot sleep…
For the 1st time yesterday our relationship became physical & it hurts so much to think i allowed it to get to this point, am i so weak? Do I not have any morals & ethics how could I do this to another female? Everything I believed I was is nothing anymore I feel torn between so many worlds right now & the worst part is keeping the secret.
I hate myself right now! Please ladies dont do this to urselves please! I am 21 years old marketing graduate have an amazing life filled with so much good things & look what I have become…
December 17th, 2008 at 9:17 am
I am married and have fallen in love with a married man. We both have similar situations, we have both been with our spouses since college, married too young, had children prior to marriage, etc. I have known him for 5 years and never thought of anything happening until about 8 months ago. We started talking, texting, meeting up and it just happened. I never wanted to be “the other woman”, but couldn’t stop it. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever known. He was clear up front that he would not leave his wife and that was OK because I have no intentions of leaving my husband either. It was great for about 4 months until one of his children found something that made them suspicious of him. He said he could not hurt them and we ended it.The problem is…I am not ready to let go. He still looks at me kind of flirty like he wants me, but can’t. Is there any advice on how to rekindle this affair?
December 20th, 2008 at 10:17 pm
I have just finished reading many of the postings on this site. The common thread is that despite the attention and fun of being with a MM, there is frustration, sadness, heart-break, guilt and constantly feeling like you are “the other woman”. It’s not worth it. My experience with a MM was that I filled a void for him which he does not have with his wife. Same story: flirty texts, emails, calls, fun nights out (he lives in another state), waiting with excitement for every call and every date. You get attention and enjoy it, it’s human nature isn’t it? But it’s a dead end road. We thankfully didn’t sleep together, but that doesn’t let us off the hook. I ended it after 3-4 months because it didn’t make sense to me. It wasn’t going anywhere, and despite talking about his miserable marriage, he never spoke of an intent to leave but always talked about how much he loved being with me (and I with him by the way). Sure, I thought of him as “the one” and fantasized about a life together. He really is a wonderful guy and treated me like a queen. It’s been heart-breaking to end it even though it was the right thing to do. Think of getting in a relationship with a MM like investing in a stock you will NEVER get a return on - it’s not worth it. Ever. And all the questions of “should I do this,” “should I get out,” “what am I doing”? These are the little voices in your head which exist because what you’re doing is wrong and way too complicated. You are too good for that. Rise above.
December 22nd, 2008 at 1:02 am
I spent the last six years on and off with my mm. It was exciting and fun at first. We have known each other since we were teenagers we are now in our fifties. I gave my heart and soul(and a lot of loving) in the relationship and that is how I am. I knew he was not leaving his family but I was ok with that. I was satisfied with what I could get. Part of the reason I was so into him was because I believed that he really had something for me as well. One day something happened I fell and hurt myself going to see him. My arm was hurt really bad. He didnt offer to take me to the doctor or even call to see if I had made it home ok. Not only was my arm hurt but my feelings were hurt even worse. A week went by and he did not even call to see how I was. I could not even comb my hair because of my arm. It turned out to be a blessing because it helped me to realize that I needed someone who would be there for me in the good and the bad times. So I ended the relationship and I have no regrets and oddly enough no pain in the heart.
December 24th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
its been 4 months dating a MM, we met at work, but it feels so weird lately I fell USED, and the negative thoughts and guilty feeling overpower any good feelings, so Im going to end this as soon as He comes back from christmas holidays w his family…and move ON
December 25th, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Two Christmases alone while my MM goes to spend the holidays with his children, who I have never met. I have unhooked the phone because I don\’t want to celebrate the day with a phone call from the person who is supposed to be #1 in my life.
I believed my friend would get a divorce and we would build a future together . . . rather foolishly, I became financially entertwined and only stopped the money connection when a girlfriend opened my eyes. ( a bit too late)
I\’m already divorced; yeah, it was tough going through a divorce. There are lots of reasons why his divorce never happened, after 3 years. Here are a few reasons he mentioned,which might ring a bell with others: 1. My wife won\’t give me a divorce. 2. I don\’t want to hurt the children. 3. I\’m really busy right now. 4. I don\’t know a lawyer. 5. I forget I\’m married — it just doesn\’t seem important. 6. My son is heading to medical school and I don\’t want to upset him at this time. 7. My children won\’t understand. 8. Does it really make a difference if one is in love?
The more I thought about it, I pondered a few reasons that were NOT mentioned: 1. I don\’t want a divorce because I will have to pay mandatory child support. (He pays when it\’s convenient.) 2. I don\’t want a divorce because I like the way things are. 3. My children are the most important thing in my life and I would never hurt them — not even for you. 4. If I got a divorce, we\’d have to figure out our future. 5. I\’m financially responsible for my family and I don\’t need another financial obligation. (He contributes when it\’s convenient.) 6. Having a girlfriend gives me extra status with my friends. 7. I like having two homes in two towns.
Like #149, I want to end this when he reappears after the holiday.
My therapist advised me against this affair, asking me if I was prepared to accept \”leftovers.\” I don\’t think I really understood what that meant . . . lies, secrets, holidays alone, financial issues . . . no matter how much love there is . . . dating a MM provides a bad foundation for moving toward the future. I get LEFTOVERS now.
December 25th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
How can I quit seeing him? A part of me doesnt want to stop seeing him, it’s only been 5 months…I have so much fun with him…I love him…I know I have to end it…When we’re not together, I can say it, I can say it’s over but when we’re together, I can’t do it. I can’t imagine not being with him but it’s Christmas and he’s with his wife. He’ll be with her on New Year’s as well. I know I deserve more than he can give me. But I know he’s planning on leaving her, all of his friends tell me it will happen soon that we’re good together, just wait. I feel like such a fool.
December 25th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
All the women here who have ever dated a man they knew was taken…shame on you all. You’re all a disgrace, disgusting and selfish, esteem-sucked morons. Wake up and realise you have no right to be doing what you’re doing, and stop entertaining the scummy men cheating on their wives. Get some respect for yourselves and others.
December 26th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
i have been dating a married guy for the past year now. at first he was straight forward with me and said he didnt know if he was going to leave his wife or not because of the kid they have together. but 2 months later he didnt and have been split up for 9 months now. they have already went to court for child support and is workin out the divorce. he said they would have to be legally separated for a year before they divorce takes place which they almost have. he says he loves me and other than his child i have the most important person to him. it hurts me though when he talks to his ex. but he only does so he can talk to his kid. is everything goin to work out bewteen us? does he really love me? i dont want to be part of they statistics
January 2nd, 2009 at 4:13 am
It seems like there are so many cons to dating a married man it’s unbelievable, I read every story posted & none has provided any long term pro’s…
At the end of the day we all hang onto this thin piece of thread called hope even if we basically have nothing to validate holding on.
Ive been writing every single day on blogspot title butterfly the emotions I have been going through since by affair started which has only been a few weeks or so…
I have a bunch of single guys interested in me im actually decided dating 1 of them he is incredibly sweet & so inlove with me yet every moment with him draws me more to missing the mm… Sometimes I wonder if it’s true if all of us are just females with low self-esteem? Chasing after a fantacy because that’s all we have with them…
January 2nd, 2009 at 2:29 pm
#147’s post gave me the strength to end an almost 9 month long affair with a mm. It was, by far, the most toxic, destructive thing I have ever done. I learned a great lesson in those months and am just glad that I found the ability to end it and move on. Too anyone contemplating or in an affair- STOP. I know I am worth more than that.
January 4th, 2009 at 11:40 am
I’m in a relationship with a married man (MM) and we’ve been seeing each other for 5 years; I’m a woman extremely attune to my feelings and the reality of my relationship. ABOUT ME: My work is very important to me: 50hr workweek explaining Law and full-time college student at a private univ. I don’t have time for hard-to-get, hard-to-read, whiny, diamond-in-the-rough, fixer-upper guys. My relationship with MM stemmed from his curiosity to see how close I would let him and I wanted to know if this man was for real. We worked together and he was the life of the office; Most financially successful, hilarious, good natured, most exciting vacationer, best “Dad” stories with his sons - I was captivated.
SUMMARY: He’s my best friend so we can be brutally honest but our words are always cushioned with kindness and he sees me as a woman only dreams a man could see her: destined for greatness, too good for him, and beautiful. HIS STORY: He’s married and currently putting one son through college while the other is in High school. He said before we met me that he had a plan to divorce his wife only after the kids were grown, self-sufficient, and out of the house. Do you believe that?……….I guess it’s possible but it doesn’t hurt to already know that men -no matter what age- …lie. They lie and woman lie too.
If the married men-cliche crap rears it’s ugly head, I’m the first to call it because we have to call men out. I don’t care about protecting his feelings if mine are being put through the grinder. I think my most important message (and we talked about this when I first realized my feelings for him) is love yourself the most and put yourself first. It’s the only way you don’t get swept up in his home-drama and self-pity crap. Keep him grounded and ground yourself. It’s not for everyone but I accept my lifestyle because it works for me and I love having him in it.
January 4th, 2009 at 12:04 pm
After reading more comments, I see my happiness is not common. I can note a few hints:
1. If he has small children, walk away. 9 times out of 10-it aint happenin.
2. If he promises to leave his wife because of you, he’s scum. Take personal offense that he’s belittling your intelligence and he thinks he’s telling you something you want to hear.
3. If he puts his children first, then he’s a good man and a real man because children ALWAYS come first. Their happiness and quality of life are most important.
4. You family comes first. He can’t be the reason you wake-up or reason for living.
5. Be a Whole person. In any relationship, don’t walk into it being half a person. If I don’t function without a man, I let myself down, I let my family down, and eventually everything in my life will suffer.
6. If you’re seeing a married man, ask yourself why. Commitment issues, you need space to control your environment at home, been abused by an over-controlling man/woman? Whatever our faults are we should identify them, accept them, and move on. No one is perfect and we should love ourselves, faults and all. If we don’t, who will? Certainly not Post #152.
January 5th, 2009 at 6:32 am
I agree with the above post 100% I couldnt have said anything better…
I am 22 years old, vibrant young attractive & intelligent female… Studying towards my degree while sitting in an executive position i have everything going for me & yet i still find myself in a relationship with a married man… What the hell is wrong with me??
Knowing & accepting all that has been said in the previous post as true i am still sitting at work hopeing “MM” calls me as he was meeting with clients all day, to probably go straight home to be with his family & me? Well i will maybe go have coffee with myself after work just to give me that fake feeling of hey i am independant n i dont give a crap as long as i take what I want when i want… ( inside truly I am dieing )
January 5th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Hey Ladies…well i was here on this forum before for the same reason as all of us…letting everything out and explainig how hard, hurtful and painful it is to love a married man…well i’m back…i got what i wanted! his family (the wife and the 2 kids) are moving out! and he’s mine! all mine…just wanted to say - DO NOT lose hope! if what you have is real love than it’ll happen! nobody wants to be miserable and unhappy…what is meant to be will happen! love him, care for him, be there for him and enjoy every day like it’s the last day! who said that “those” relationships don’t work out??? i never believed that…and neither should you! is it a rule?? NO! and ladies - stop feeling sorry for yourself! he is the one who needs you! it is such a great feeling to be in love, so treasure it! enjoy it…live it! and if in the end it doesn’t work out - you didn’t lose anyting, but gained: HAPPINESS!!! LOVE!!! STRENGTH! CONFIDENCE!! PRIDE!! AMAZING MEMORIES!! you’ll move on and he’ll be miserable with his wife who he hates and hides from to find happiness with someone else! and remember that someone else is YOU!!!! good luck to all of you! never lose hope! and ultimatums do work…and if he doesn’t like the ultimatum - screw him!!! u walk away! always put YOURSELF in a first place!! watch!! HE’LL BE BACK!! cheers ladies!
January 6th, 2009 at 7:17 pm
the fact is - WE ARE ALL PRETTIER AND YOUNGER THEN THEIR WIFES.
and if you want a married man you never: admit it till it’s time
be cool and say how you imagine your life when you get married like: walking in the house only in underwhare, havin a lot of trips with your man and everything, tell him what are you looking for in a future husband and what a good wife you would be - this is for making him see you’re better than his wife (not that he doesn’t know it alwready)
and now listen to this - many man dont have the balls to leave their wifes. it is misserable for him because there is always a reason for cheating - i dont think a one night stand with some girl, i mean a long term second life.
dont ever feal hurt, date other men, make him convinced you are the best thing that happened in his poor life and he will be yours. enjoy.
January 7th, 2009 at 12:39 am
This is my situation,
I am 22 years old met this MM who is 39 through a relative who happens to be his wife… I was going through a rough patch at work she was extremely supportive & when i resigned she asked her husban to recruit me as his PA for the time until i manage to get my feet back on the ground so he did that…
I became rather close to both of them & very involved in there marriage problems as they both confided in me…I was engaged at the time, soon my Fiance broke off the engagement & I was in a state both of them became really supportive at that stage tried to involve me more in there lives so i wudnt bcum 2 depressed…
Sumwhere in between all of this we just became really close & things started getting weird between us I didnt understand it or allow myself to think about it as I didnt want to get hurt or hurt any1 the whole idea was just too comlpicated to comprehend.
He obviously started picking up vibes from me as well and i of him but we never discussed it until it started bcuming obvious to every1 else that we were just odd around one another…
Eventually we had an in depth conversation about it agreed nothing could happen 5 minutes later we were kissing and we still are…
I love his wife she is a great person doing this to her really sucks, he is a good guy & doesnt want to leave her as they have kids together although there marriage is falling apart long before I came along…
Do I hold on? Should I have faith in this relationship?
January 7th, 2009 at 9:01 am
I am married with an eleven year old son and I’ve been seeing my mm for 2 yrs now and plan on being together in 4 yrs when my son is 16. I told my mm that and he is willing to wait. Tells me he loves me everyday and wants to take it day by day. I agree. We just make the most of the time we do have together. It get’s hard at times but I don’t let it bring me down cuz I know my son comes first. Just hope it works out in the end.
January 8th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I completely agree, your son should come 1st, but stringing your husban along wasteing his time I am sorry but that is so not fair to him he cud be with someone who loves him as much as you love your mm… Please dnt ruin his life any further… What if you were in his shoes & kids are stronger than we think.
January 8th, 2009 at 9:12 am
RE: Nabeelah…
that is a complicated situation and a different case from the commons ones. Hmmm…i know deep down inside you are probably thinking: what the hell am i doing? this is soooo wrong!! but, hey, if it feels right to you, even though it’s wrong…go for it! don’t plan for the future though and always be ready that it’s going to end…take day by day…enjoy like it’s your last one…and time will tell…listen and follow your heart..what is it telling you? love is a weird thing and it breaks all the odds…and survives all the obstacles on a way! and think for a second…is it all worth it? are you going to regret it even if it doesn’t work out and thinking that you waisted your time? OR are you going to be greateful and so happy for all the times you spent together? heart knows….just listen! Good luck to you! wish everything works you the way YOU want it to work out!!! take care!
January 9th, 2009 at 3:47 am
RE: Happy
Thanks so much for your post, it really did put everything running through my mind in perspective…
My heart is telling me to continue loving him without any expectations but it’s so hard not 2 dream & desire more from this relationship.
A really good thing came out of this though, I always based mylife around my relationships dating a married man gives you a sense of independence as you cannot base your emotional, phyical or financial well being on him as you dont no which way the wind will blow any second giving you that strength to create direction & take control over your own future & allowing him 2 only compliment it.
I honestly hope things dont work out the way I want them to, I sincerely hope things work out the way they should the way god wants them 2
January 13th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
This sucks! I am dating a married man and getting ready to dump him! Every one of these posts sound pathetic. I think if he really wants me he will leave and come and get me after I leave him, but although I am in love with him, I will not WAIT!
January 14th, 2009 at 4:07 am
That most definately the attitude to have lol just dont count your chicks he might not come after you & that might suck even more, be prepared for the worst.
January 14th, 2009 at 11:28 am
At first it was great seeing my mm. He would come to see me twice a month but now I’m lucky if I get to see him once a month now. I’m getting fed up! It was hard enough just being with him twice a month but now It seems not even worth it anymore cuz even though I love him I can’t love a man I only talk to on the phone. Maybe it’s time to say goodbye. My heart is breaking.
January 18th, 2009 at 12:59 pm
thanks so much for leaving your comments and posts really help me understand what a bad situation I am involve to…
I’ve been dating a mm for 4 months we have to much in common, he is so charming, and nice to me and he mention all the time he has issues on his marriage, I’ve tried twice to break up this so-call relationship I told him it feels like walking on thin ice, and somehow we got back together UNTIL accidentally I’ve read his email and he sends flirty emails to his wife constantly even today when he was so nice to me, am sooooooooooo sick of my stomach, am even thinking put all XXX email that he sent me together including pictures of us and video tapes and send it to his wife…….
am so mad at myself
January 19th, 2009 at 1:18 am
RE: Sad
I can understand 100% why you would wanna do that however it will bring you a moment of satisfaction & a lifetym of regret, the best revenge is living well after someone hurts you like this… I know it’s easier send than done but do it for yourself. Take it one day at a time…Goodluck!
January 21st, 2009 at 4:13 am
I have been a married man for amost a year now. first it started as a harmless flirt until hey it got serious. Playing second fiddle is not easy and yet i realise i love him enough to contemplate it. We have tried breaking it off a couple of times but always its a full circle. I dont want to leave him and yet i know he will never completely be mine, weather he divorces his wife or not. i hurt sometimes so bad i vow i am never seeing him again but at the same time i find love him and want to be with him always. now i have decided i am going to remain in the relationship and will not try to end it. i will enjoy him for as long as i can and however things turn out i will face the bridge when i get there. pain is pain. if i am to face it well better then than now.
I love my guy
January 23rd, 2009 at 9:31 am
I’ve been dating a married man for about 3 months now. I enjoy spending time with him and he makes me feel special. He is an incredible man who doesn’t get any love or intimacy at home. The rules above are pretty accurate. Even before reading them the one that I follow all the time is “Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed.” I just ended a 7 year relationship so I’m fine with the way things are and I wouldn’t want him to leave his wife…yet (I might change my mind in the future). I try not to think about what his wife is going through (she knows about the situation. We know each other). If he wasn’t with me, he would be with someone else. He just wasn’t happy at home.
P.S. The best sex of my life!
January 25th, 2009 at 3:14 pm
What does it mean when a mm invites you over to his home to go the movies & lunch. He shows you around his place while his wife was at work 30 miles away. After 3 times of him being over to my place, this mm invites me over to his place while his wife was at work. We both don’t even feel guilty about it. All we know that we enjoy each other’s company while it lasts. Yes, we had sex (not being the first time), went to the movies (holding each other’s hands), to lunch and a walk afterward’s in public holding hands.)When he comes to see me, we do the same thing. We have been seeing each other since December, but not everyday or week. In between those times we have been chatting during work since November (that’s how we met). BTW..his wife is 50 and I’m 45. He is 55 years old. We live about 50 miles apart.
So is there any meaning to his actions as to why he would invite me to his place, and not worry about being seen in public with him? Anyone, experienced this?
January 25th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
RE: #172 Lianne
The best advice I can give is, ask him. Only he would provide you with an answer though sometimes its not the answer we’ll want. Talk to him and find out what you want to know unless you two aren’t interested in wanting to know where the relationship will be going and where your place is in his life.
I had a situation where the samething was happening to me but when I was thinking it meant something, he only saw me as a close friend and someone he was having sex with. So becareful and keep your eyes open.
January 25th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
To me in life you cant help certain things. Who you’re attracted to, who you love, where your heart is, and etc. It isnt easy to control your feelings for someone if that’s who you want to be with. No one can say they’ll never date a MM cause you never know what could happen. You could be somewhere and a guy catches your eye, you hit it off really well, then he states that he’s married. You can say “we can just be friends” or whatever but in the end you’ll think about it like, “I’ll make him an exception because its something about him” or whatever your choice may be.
I was one of those ones who said that I would never date a MM because it is wrong but things happened and I ended up in that position. A MM is nothing more than a single man wearing a ring. thats the way we all should look at it cause even though there are some nice single guys and faithful married guys out there, all men still tends to mess up though their reasons varies. Like I was taught, thats just a man being a man. The truth is, none of us are 100% loyal and faithful cause we’re human and we’re not perfect. The same thing he did to his wife with us will be the same thing he do to his wife and us with someother woman. If she had the ring and you got it now, trust, someone else is putting in their application for it (If he isnt already posting them up for the hiring process) if you know what I mean.
I feel that if a man isnt satisfied or happy with his wife then he need to be a man and talk to her about it. Let her know so you can work on fixing the relationship instead of being quick to find someone else. If all else fails then look to ending things because in a relationship, you want to live happily not miserable. Do that before stepping out though cause atleast you’ll be doing it honestly and no one would get hurt (meaning a new person getting involved to face possible heartbreak).
As for my situations, what I could’ve done differently was talk to this person about his intentions. I’ve always ran away from personal conversations because one out of the two MM relationships I had was just about sex. He would always ask me what was on my mind and instead of telling him the truth I would talk about other people and things that were bothering me. He knows that I wasn’t up for what we was doing and I felt guilty. In so many ways he gave me an exit que to tell him I want out but each and everytime I would find reasons to stay. Its not because Im desperate or low on self esteem but my reasonings were because my life was boring and in need of excitement. We both enjoyed what we were doing. It wasn’t something that was meant to happen but I fell into the hands of the wrong man.
I hope that its something that wont happen again but I’ve learn to expect the unexpected and come unexpected with no expectations whatsoever. A good single man is out there for us but being patient isnt one of my best charateristics. Though there are good men (like I’ve said before) in relationships people mess up. Its apart of life. You just have to know what the situation is before you jump head first into it. Whether its something you feel will turn into him leaving his wife or just sex. Watch out for his actions and what he’s telling you cause by that you can know what the situation is straight up. No matter what it is dont let this MM dog you or take you on a free ride ((meaning he’s getting something out of it but what are you getting, if anything)). With that said, dont let any man do it.
January 25th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
I agree with the original smilezzz.Know what you are getting into.
January 25th, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I like this website. It gives us so called “home wreckers” or whatever the outside world wants to call us (which we are not!!!), a place to come together since you can’t really discuss this taboo subject matter with your family & friends, or therapist. I don’t even feel guilty, nor do I have low self esteem of myself (as what the outside websites say). I still have my class and dignity and not ashamed of it. Does anyone else feel the same way?
After doing some hard searching, on websites and out in public. It’s too bad that most of the men that you want and see are all taken..or gay. The good looking attractive single guys (1 out of 100) end up being players, and you are left with the homely lonely horny old men, or the really horny young bucks, or married cheating men that just want tail, and men on line that you just aren’t interested in (no spark).
So where are all these attractive GOOD SINGLE, non-cheating men that we women want to share our lives with? Anywone have the answer(s) to this question too? I’m glad that I never married, and if I ever do, I’ll make sure that my man will be a non cheating man, and I will know how to treat him right so he doesn’t end up cheating on me too…(that is if I ever meet him one of these days).
January 28th, 2009 at 8:35 am
well i have read modt of your post and damn each story is the same..
well here is mine it a bit more complicated as the Married man i have and still seeing is actually my boss…
Wow well i didnt intend for it to go that way we just hit it off well he is a thounsand mile away. it was nothing to start off with but it grew more intens by the day… i regret every sec of it as he will be coming into the country soon an he expects me to be there for him.. he use to tell me he is only with his wife for the sake of there kids and that he hates every min of being with her….
he use to tell me everything he thought i would want to hear well as stupid as what was i believed him of course!!!!!!!!!
this went one for over a month speaking to me every sec he could sms me every min of the day telling me how badly he wishes that he could make me all his…
well the really suprise come when i recently heard that his wife is expecting yet a other one of his kids(please like that happend with out him) well he does now that i know about it (his very dear mom told me)
after all the lies he is all i can think about i have tried to distance myself a bit as i know that he is like all the rest of MM out there as long as they can have there way everything is fine
well i have had it with him atleast……
but the married man thing still is a winner
January 28th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
RE: Dealing with It #179
My original post was #171, which I wrote last week. I came back to the site to read some more posts and after reading #171, I’d like to admit that my MM was also my boss. My situation is quite different from the rest of the posts, as I know his wife and it was because of her that I ended up working with her husband. Unfortunately, his partners at work found out and I was “laid off”. His wife was pretty relieved because she thought it would end our affair. Boy, was she wrong. If anything, it’s brought us closer together.
I’m also pretty young - I’m 25 and he is 42 (but man, what a hottie!) and his wife is 10 years older than he is. That’s probably another reason why he’s with me.
Anyways, I’m fine with the way things are right now. His wife grills him everyday when he goes home and he tells me everything. I can only think that he won’t want to put up with that for long, so we’ll see what happens.
To all the other women out there dating married men, enjoy being together and just listen to your heart. If there’s any doubt in your mind then be smart and move on. Your mm might tell you no one will ever love you like he does, but at least someone will be able to give themselves to you fully.
Take care ladies!
January 28th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Typo: Sometimes Its*
January 28th, 2009 at 7:02 pm
To: Smilezzz
Thx Smilezzz ….I’ll just keep on keeping my options open and see what happens..We are just 2 people that are just happy to see & to be with each other… NSA.. like I said earlier. Be interesting to see if he gets jealous or not..hummm.. I let it up to him to find out.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
To: Lianne
You’re welcome and I agree. Follow the road, see where it leads, and enjoy every moment. Goodluck!
To: L
Like I told Lianne, ask him cause he can provide you with the answers though sometimes it maynot be the answers we’re looking for. Tell him in a way that he wont think you’re coming down hard on him or offending him. If there is any chance you two have an relationship there should be no holding back. Tell him how you feel and let him know the boundaries you want to set for your happiness.
January 28th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
To: L #184
You are in a tough situation since he is a co-worker. My advise is to play it low. I made a rule to never never go out with any of co-workers..single or not. If things ever go wrong, the working moral between you to will go sour and it will show in the office. He is also wearing his ring when you two are out together..that’s a sure sign that he is not planning anything u for the time being..My mm has his ring off, which I questioned him about. He said that he wears it at work, but not at home (I’m not sure if he puts it on when he goes out with his wife though.) In my case, I wouldn’t mind if he had his ring on..I can pretend that we are married..lol. Maybe, you should pretend that as well when you guys are together. My mm doesn’t say anything like your mm does either. All we say to each other is that we enjoy each other’s company and we tell each other that we miss each other and what we miss.. that’s it..nothing further…no other questions asked except how is our day or evening going. All situations and personalities are different too, not all the same.
My advise for you is to refer to the advise #s 2,4,8,9,13,16,17 and 18 (or all of them). So go with the flow and trust your instincts and judgment. Keep your guard up and don’t believe everything he says. Don’t give him any ultimatum or you will push him away, that is if you still want to be with him and or keep the working moral good in the office. When he tells you things..Always, remember that -Talk is cheap, Show me -Keep that in your mind. If I were you..I would turn the other cheek and gradually drop your ties with him, but do it gracefully.
January 29th, 2009 at 4:52 pm
Ladies thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it and its helpful to know there are others out there going through the same thing…
January 29th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
I need a place to get all of this out. Hopefully this is the place. I have been “dating” a technically married man for the past few months. This is something I have never done and have always been against but it started with a friendship and turned into more. That’s not the half of it though. He’s also my boss AND 26 years older than me. Yes, he’s old enough to be my dad! The only up side to this situation was he filed for divorce 8 months before he even knew me. So I know I’m not the cause. According to him their relationship has been over for the past 7 years and he hasn’t left her for the sake of his son. He was trying as hard as possible to make it a normal situation but he realized that his son seeing his mom and dad fighting and not loving each other is far from what normal should be. Anyways- We discovered our feelings in October but I wouldn’t even let him hug me. The whole married thing bothered me. Their mediation was set for November so it didn’t seem that long to wait. Then it got pushed back to December..annoying but workable. Then January because she filed a bunch of new papers- now it’s pushed back AGAIN until February and he is more than stressed. Since then, we have become intimate despite trying to wait. We really did try to wait until it was done. Now he is afraid to talk to me, call me, text me, be with me for fear of someone seeing him and it screwing up his custody case. We agreed tonight to stop talking until its really over. I’m afraid now though, that by the time it really IS over I won’t want to put myself out there again. This hurts..a lot. I don’t ever let myself open up to men and the one guy I let in (on accident!) is old enough to be my dad and at the end of a messy divorce. Oh and my boss. I’m afraid I have fallen in love but even when it’s over it still has to be a secret at work and from my family and most of my friends. If I choose to go forward with this relationship after the divorce I will have to go all in and forget about what others think. Tough situation! I don’t recomend it!
January 31st, 2009 at 6:10 pm
so I have been seeing this mm for the past 3 months. He is 28 years older than me am glad am not the only one #188. However, he never tells me what he does with his wife I get the feeling that he is close with his wife which really hurts me he never talks about her when we are together because I asked him not to. He is been very supportive to me and he advices me when I need any advice. He takes me on trips and thats really cool but it still comes to how much time can he spend with me which is sad because we see one another only once in two weeks.
He doesn’t want me to see other people although am seeing someone close to my age-we just started- but am not telling my married man until am ready to dump him and move on with this guy if things work out. I’ll miss him though and the classy lifestyle he has made me get used to.
so my question is should I ask him about his intimacy levels with his wife? She is ugly anyway..
February 3rd, 2009 at 10:15 am
Ha! Sorry, but rule number one made me laugh (not at you, don’t worry). Me and my mm use to say that to each other when we started “dating/f*cking”. It was kind of a cute inside joke. We’d say to each other “What’s rule #1?”. Needless to say, once you spend time together it’s almost bound to happen. Did to us! And now we laugh at how naive we were.
Definitely agree with the rest of the rules!
February 10th, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Okay, I admit it, I’m dating a married man. It’s been seven of the most wonderful years of my life! He’s thoughtful, generous, loving, makes me laugh, makes me feel loved, wanted and desired. I had the cinderella story, I married my prince, and lost him after only 18 months of marriage and just two months before the birth of our daughter. I was distraught, angry, resentful and lonely. When I looked at our daughter all I could see was him. I buried myself in my work and motherhood. I couldn’t even THINK about dating. I thought I was being untrue to my late husband. Then, lo and behold 30 years goes by and I’m alone. I still miss him…..
Then HE came into my life. Handsome, kind, educated, funny…we’ve been friends for 20 years…lovers for seven. He calls me four-five times a day just to say hello and see if I’m alright. We dine together at least once a week, sometimes two or three. He spends time with my daughter, taking her to movies, lunch (she doesn’t know about us). He spoils me, treats me like a queen…but never makes any promises of leaving his wife..nor do I expect him to. I love him and I know he loves me..But no talk of committment…it works. I have my free time, he has his time…We make no demands on one another..I think that’s what makes our time together so sweet. He’s everything I never I ever wanted, everything I once had and lost….and now found again.
February 13th, 2009 at 3:06 pm
UGH, after reading all of these posts, I felt I need some advice, from ppl who know. so here it goes:
Same situation, I met my MM in H.S. (about 17yrs ago), then again from a classmates website. He told me that he has always loved me and never said anything. We started to date and he told me that he has not been happy in his marriage for a long time. So we fall in love. He tells me he has always loved me and he married the wrong person. That i shld be his wife. He thinks we are soulmates bc he has always been thinking about me in the past 17yrs. He even made sure he worked it so he cld spend nye w. me and whenever i need him to be around he was around. I wld see him a few times a week and sometimes he wld work it so he cld spend the weekend w, me. After a few mos of being 2nd fiddle, i have had enough. I cant stand the fact that he still lives w, her and sometimes sleeps in bed w. her. It makes me sick. So I told him taht he needs to do something, bc all he does is talk. He said they were going to counseling and that he wld tell her through that, but that never happened. So i told him he needs to prove something to me. So he told her. And he told her he is in love with me and that he is leaving the house. The only reason why I even believe this, is bc she sent me an email asking me to not see him anymore, bc she wants him to work on their marriage. That I am destroying her, her kids and his family. He was going to leave the house tonight, he said he was packed and everything but now he is thinking that he cant just walk out like this. Leaving her w. three kids. (which he is not, he wld see them all the time. PLEASE, what do i do here?? I need some serious advice.
February 15th, 2009 at 1:17 am
im also dating a married man…he is a nice man..he treats me right, take me to dinner we talk everyday on the phone..He has 2 phones..One for his personal and family use and the second one for hi adventures…I kn him for long time but we never did anything because i was dating someone else six months after my ex broke up with me i when i away and i came back just to start over.. i never though i would find him again. i always knew he was married, but i attractive to him and hes into me too. Well he started taking and we decided to try it out.. He told me everything bout his marriage well most of it..he said he is married for 9 years but he has being cheating on his wife since they were boyfriend and girl friend. Thats were the second phone comes from, all this time married and she doesnt kn he has another phone…He was bn cheating on her many times he told me once that he was with a girl for 2 years but she broke u with him…he told me he didnt want to end the relationship, but he couldnt do anything because he has no right…Anyways, now im dating him and he told me with me is different because for the first time of he feels relax and forget bout things..He is really a nice man I enjoy my time with him. He always want to see me, but im the one taking thing low..I do want to see him everyday, but if i do see him i kn i would get attach and i dont want that… I like to be single and have fun…One day i asked him a ? and he got mad because it was to personal.. i said my sorry that it was my mistake, but he told me anyways..I asked him why you still married if u had cheated at your wife since u know her?…He said i worked 2 hard to be here in this life…and i will never say something about my wife because she is a nice woman and she hasnt done anything bad to make him feel like is over….In my opinion yeah he worked hard to be the man is now and he doesnt want to start over because i dont have anything to offer him…Then he told me he was 2 little girls and he wants to give them everything…Some how in his words his telling me he wont leave his wife because he doesnt want to leave his 2 girls…I dont want him to get divorce because his 2 little girls need a father figure….We also have unprotected sex, he did a surgery to not have kids no more and he told me that he havent had sex with his wife for more than 2 years….Hes addicted to sex like me, but his wife is really religious shes always in the working or in church..She doesnt go out with him with clubs and he likes to go out… Since we started dating we go out and dance together, He presented his friends and they really like me, also i met his sister and sometimes i go out with her…She told me that hes falling for me, and once he went to her house and he started to cry becuase he still doenst kn what to do he wants to be with me but cant because of his daughters…Im going to leave him, i think is the best thing to do…he needs time to think and i want to give him his time…im not doing things for me…he is the one who needs time. I might lose him but i dont want him to make a decision between his 2 girls and me…im living him because i want him to choose his 2 girls, they need him around and i kn if he choose me i wont feel good because i be taking his father away from their house…I dont want to feel guilty…So do you think im doing the right thing….he is 33 and im 22…if he moves with me i wont have kids with him because he did a surgery and i do want kids of my own and he doesnt…He was his future ready but mine is in process so i home im doing the right thing
February 17th, 2009 at 9:47 am
I seriously never thought I’d be the “other woman”. After being cheated on and despising the women involved in that I vowed I could never be that person. Low & Behold, thats just who I’ve become. It was so easy to fall into a trap with this guy. Before I knew he was married he flirted like crazy. I was already hesistant because he’s the singer of a band, which made me leary to begin with, also he is 14 years my senior. I kept myself distant for a very long time, but being a typical woman the ego stroking made me feel wanted & sexy. We became very good friends, and just last weekend we made the move to the bedroom. I knew going into even a friendship with this guy was all it could be. How often do you ever see a man leave his wife for a mistress? Hardly ever. So I’m still in that mindset, and we’re friends with benefits. We make eachother feel good about ourselves when we’re together, and the secret of it all just makes it ten times hotter. I’m a little worried now that things are sexual, considering I’ve only been with one other person and I’ve always been one to think with my head AND heart when it comes to sex. As of right now I don’t see myself falling “in love” with my MM, but I’m so freaked out it could happen very quickly. Yet, I can’t seem to pull myself out of it just now.- blaaah. haha Sorry I had to write this probably meaningless post, but as you all know, this situation leaves few people to talk to and I needed to let some of this out!- I wish good luck to all the girls on here for whatever you’re hoping your outcome will be!
February 18th, 2009 at 12:44 pm
hi ladies, I have a question..I’ve been datind this mm for 2 years now and at first we’d get 2gether twice a month and it was great. We became so close cuz we have alot in common and we think alike. But now since right before Christmas we only see each other once a month if I’m lucky. It’s now been over 2 months since we last saw each other. He says he’s real busy with actually doing the work instead of forseeing cuz he has his own business.My question should I move on now?
February 18th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
Forgot to say that he does still call me twice a day
February 22nd, 2009 at 11:59 pm
only problem is I think I’m pregnant and 48. dont want ot break up his marriage, but may decide to keep the child. any advice????
February 28th, 2009 at 10:23 pm
I found this website and i read every single post on here. It amazes me how many other woman are in the same situation as I am. Im young, 21 years old and my MM is 18 years older than me. We have been seeing eachother for a year and a half and it has been wonderful but at the same time vey difficult. Like everyone else on here, I’ve had many lonely nights. We spend a lot of time together, spend nights together, text, talk on the phone but i still feel like it is never enough! He says he is going to leave his wife but he just doesnt know when. I know he has things in the works but it cannot come soon enough. He does not sleep with her or spend anytime with her. Sometimes i feel trapped because i dont know if i should stay in a relationship like this but he is the first man i have ever been in love with. I cannot get enough of him! At night, i miss him so much and i want to be with him so bad. I know many man do not leave their wife but i believe in my heart that my MM loves me enough to do so… Im very scared I am going to get my heart broken, i dont think i could deal with the pain! I want to leave but i dont, but if i do, i want him to chase after me sooo bad? Im the only girl that he has cheated on his wife with, and its funny because i trust him with all my heart. I want to let go, but i dont know how! ??
March 2nd, 2009 at 11:19 am
I’ve been with a mm for almost 3 years now. Everything thing is going good but i am starting to get real jealous . I am friend with the wife and know everything that they do. she even told me when they have sex, how many time and so on. she doesnt have a clue about us not even one.He said he love me and i really love him too. I think i deserve more so i am going to end this fling. he has kids with his wife and i even know them too. I am starting to feel guilty because i dont want to hurt anyone. we talk everyday and see eachother twice a week. want to end but dont know how, any idea? He is also a good lower, he is the best.
March 3rd, 2009 at 6:17 pm
I’ve been coming to this site since Dec. 2008 and read the posts. It’s been on my heart to write something. So, now, I’m writing… My situation is similar to the situation of Antsey25. He’s got 2 small children with his wife and she is older than he is. However, I think she’s pretty. Though he tells me he’s not happy with her, I still find myself wondering: What’s the “REAL” problem in the marriage and does “she” even know there is a problem?
As far as how we met, we dated before he got married. He was with her before that. But, claims they were not together when we met. I broke things off with him shortly after we met. Don’t really have a reason why other than there was someone else I was interested in at the time. I moved away and the rest they say, “is history!” Over the years, he’s crossed my mind. I searched for him on the net and we began conversation again. He shockingly, immediately (after telling me he was married) asked for my contact info & things went from there.
Things did not get physical immediately. However, it wasn’t because we both didn’t want to. Timing just wasn’t right. Initially, I told him it wouldn’t happen because I knew it was flatout WRONG!!! But, I let temptation get the best of me and gave in. I regret that it happened at their house both times we’ve been intimate.
I told him, in the beginning, this would lead to these feelings I’m having. However, I haven’t told him that I’m in love with him. Nor, has he expressed such feelings to me. We communicate in some way each day. At this point, I’m not pressing him about leaving her. I used to dream of getting married. But now, after him (and others from the past who are married who have approached me as well as seeing cheating men in the relationships of some friends and family members), I don’t know if I trust men, PERIOD! Honestly, I wonder if we were together would I trust him. I truly don’t know. All I know is I love him and I didn’t want to be in this position ever!
Guess the saga will continue as long as I allow it to do so under these circumstances. My question: Where do I go from here?My heart goes out to all the women in this MM type of DRAMA!!!
March 4th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
I have been dating my mm for a little over a year. We met when I first relocated to my current state. I did not know he was married when we first met. I was not given that info till after the first date, but I have not looked back since. Like the others my reason for moving was because of my cheating ex and wanting to do better for myself. So how did I end up in this situation???? We see each other at least 4times out of a week and talk just about everyday. There is not a day that or momment that does by that I do not think about him. However; I will not say that I am in love with him. I enjoy our situtaion for what it is and does not expect more then what I get. I will admit, I do get lonely sometime. But I guess it’s all part of the game. Yes, I have met the wife. I know where she works part-time and happened to love shopping there. I guess you can say I get a little thrill when I go there and she waits on me have no idea that I am the women that she cursed after finding text and phone calls between him and I. But the reality is im not getting younger by no means and how long can I get this up. I de beleive in what goes around comes around.
March 5th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Well, me and my MM called it quits today on a mutual basis. I’m pretty relieved too. It was getting a little bit too hot for him and he needed to cool it off. Meanwhile, he has been trying to improve his relationship with his wife at the same time, and he is getting closer to her (which I was very aware of).
All I can say is never again. At least I got the experience of what it’s like to date a MM..lol.
If I ever get married, I’ll know what I need to do so he won’t stray away.
He will always be special to me, and we will be keeping our friendship too.
March 6th, 2009 at 3:07 am
I just let one of my really good friends in on my secret. I haven’t told him until now because I’m not totally convinced he can keep a secret, but by accident only. He actually suprised me becasue he said “I thought it might be something worse than that” I guess that makes me feel better but not really….He knows the the MM I am seeing and seemingly enough he really likes him a lot and does not think bad of me but only wants to make sure I am happy. After my confession he said a lot of my behavior makes total sense now….ha ha.
Anyways, my sister knows him and 3 of my best friends know, and as imorral as it is, they all love him and want the best for us. So I feel like I have some sort of blessing, or permission in away that makes me feel like it’s ok even though I know it’s not.
Like I said before he’s not just my MM, he’s my committed serious boyfriend who loves and treats me awesome. Plus I just have to add in there that he doesn NOT like “Football or BJ’s and likes to eat p*ssy… never met a man that didn’t like either of the first 2. Sorry for the language, I just had to mention that, I thought it was kinda amazing …But it can get hard sometimes because I want to do things the right way and at the same time feel like things are right being with him. He and his wife have a roomate situation and are not intamate since even before me. I wonder if she has a boyfriend. Maybe this divorce is all about money and thats the delema…..Anyways, I’ll keep everyone updated on whats going on.
March 7th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
Ok ladies, you ready for the big one! I have read almost all the posts on here as well, and we are all in the same boat, but here’s where mine gets complicated, and I need advice!
To start, my MM and I worked together at the same company for several years. There was never much contact until the day, i moved in to his building, and my office was permanently there. We had always said Hi, we were courteous, office professionals. Never had an issue. I was married, so was he. But, I always wondered “what if”. I was already having an issue in my marriage, I was only married for 3 years at the time. He on the other hand, has 2 children, 10 and 14, and a wife of 16 years.
Well, then a little over a year ago, about 3 months after I moved into that building, it started. We would go out and smoke together, and start talking a little more… now remind you we were both directors in our company in different areas of the company. Our company, just like many other corporations, is a feeding hole for gossip.. but this company might top any other!So rumors had already started, and there was nothing even going on! So, anyway, we went to lunch a few times, hung out, never after work. I was still married, because we were going to counseling, but getting no where. He was having issues with her as well, but little did I know, always did.
So one day the talking and friendship turned into a few flirtly texts, and emails. Then, he asked me to lunch. After about an hour of talking, he said to me, Susann, i don’t how to say this, but I have always had some kind of feelings for you..I truly remember the first time I saw you,(he told me what I wearing, and where it was) and he said, you don’t have to answer me back, but I have to tell you this.. so I repeated almost the same back, because I did start to have a little something for him, and I did know it, but never wanted to face it, and I never SHOWED it..
anyway, we start hanging out, texting more, emails, and then meeting up before and after work. It got more involved, and in about 2 months, we had slept together. Well, here it comes ladies, guess who gets pregnant? Well, i never wanted to hurt anyone, not his children or her, or my husband for that matter.. so I had an abortion. He was there through the whole thing, and has been there ever since. at this moment, is when both of us, finally confided in someone else, meaning he told his best friend, and i told one of mine. I could not get through this with knowing, this might be the end, so i had to tell someone.
We have had the best year, and the worst year. We always say, throw it all at us, because every time a wall is up, we break it down.
He eventually moved out in June. We promised each other that this would never be about “us”. I knew when my husband and I decided to separate, in May, that this was not about the other man. We had been working on our marriage, however we are best friends, and really thats all it has ever been since we were together, no balance of passion or intimacy, just buddies, that always stood beside each other. Did I feel guilty, sure. But, I knew I would never make this about “the other man”, and it never was.
So, since the MM moved out, and got separated, he always been there for his children, never left them feel alone, or abandoned, and I was so proud of him for that.. he is such a great father. We both did what we could to not bring anyone else into this. We were always alone, always doing things we wanted together, because we were forced to, and that made us feel stronger about what we had. See, in both of our marriages, which are very similar, the one thing was we always relied on other couples, or individuals to make our marriages work.. and with us, it was just us! We wanted to spend time alone, we didnt care it anyone was around.. we did things that we would never have done with our spouses, went camping, went to wineries, dinner, watched movies, and actually laid on the same couch together, and didn’t grindge, and so much more. Then in July, my friends and husband and (which were still separated) had went on a cruise. I know this sounds odd, but we had already had it planned and paid for, and he deserved to go, and I was not going to ruin that for him or myself and friends. so we went.. this was the hardest thing to do for not only me, but my MM as well. he cried and I cried before I left.. he made me a “fake ring” on day and left it in my office (so cute) but I took that with me, and when i got upset i just looked at it.. i talked to him several times, he was really upset if i didn’t…but when I got back, it was like a magical moment! I went to see him as soon as i got off the plane, ran home, packed up for the next day at work, and went to stay with him at a hotel.. he held me and cried so hard, and we made love like never before..i truly missed him, as much as he missed me.
Then, after that, i starting allowing him into my home.. which i know was wrong, because it was my husbands and mine, but didn’t know what else to do… we never made love in our bed, and then it happened..we did. He introduced to his mother, who is he is living with, I told my parents about him, and they don’t really like it, but they just want me to be happy.. but they love my husband dearly that’s why, but knew that we have had problems..
but from august on, neither one of us have divorced yet.. she knows about me, hates me, blames me and I have told her, as hard as it was that I was in love with him. She asked, and I could not lie anymore…I told him to move back home right before xmas. I could tell it was hurting him, the guilt, and watching his kids go through this was really taking a toll on him.. So, he did. I told him to go back do what he needed to do to let this guilt go, and if he decided to stay, then so be it. But, things got more complicated, and he didn’t want to be away from me. i told him that we could not talk, no texting nothing, he needed to try and make it work…well after a week, he was about ready to kill her, and left. He cried the night he came to my house, and promised me that next this will be our xmas, our lives will finally start.
Well, she threaten me and my job, told me she would tell everyone at work about me, what i have done.. at this point, i had so much going on in my life, i couldn’t take much more.. so I quit my job. 2 days before xmas. we spent new years, together and it was very hard on both of us, because we both missed out former friends,and lives at that moment.. things we were used to, but had a great time because we were where we wanted to be.
After that, my grandmother passed away, and he was there for me, but let my husband and I share in our grief together, because my gram loved him so very much.. so he stepped aside, and was there, but not. very noble of him.
needless to say, I still have not found a job, and the past few months have been extremely hard. i feel pressured because my husband is now paying all the bills, so i don’t want MM to stay, so i stay at his moms place. His wife is still hanging on, but dating.. he still puts the kids in front of everything else, and now since i have nothing to keep my mind busy, he has become my everything. and i have fallen pretty hard.. i went from being a heart of steel strong woman, to this..
and on top of it all, He is wanting her to file, so he relives his guilt, like he didn’t leave them for me.. which is ok in a way, but i am really starting to have a problem with it, because just like my husband, she will never file.. he will have to be the one to do it. Same goes for me.. my husband loves me to much he said to do this..
my husband doesn’t know im dating, and said he doesn’t want to know.. same goes for me.. but he is being such a wonderful person and standing by me to help us through this time with out employment.. i offered him to live at the house, since he is paying all the bills, and he said no.. because “i always made more money” and that house is truly mine..he says..
all of my friends and most of family, know about my MM and have met him.. I have met most of MM’s friends and family as well. they all say they same thing, we just want everyone to be happy, no matter what.. but kids are most important in it all. Since I have none, that is hard for me to come second, but i understand that that is how it will be..especially because of the guilt he feels. We had started a few months back going out in public more, especially in his hometown, not mine, because i can’t do that to my husband.. but since she knows about me, i guess he just doesnt much care anymore.. but YET, still wants her to believe that he is not dating anyone, for financial reasons.. and to “spare” her feelings in a way, i guess.
but all in all after this long year, my MM and I are stronger, but i don’t feel as confident about our future as I did a few months back. he claims that everything he does, big or small, he does for us and our future.. but is there really one anymore? I think he feels so much guilt, and it finally setting in.. I have gotten over mine, which was a little easier, because there is no kids involved, and i knew that mine was over before this began. He says he did, but I dont really think that..
So, i need help ladies!! i have already gone on and on, and I still could with all the drama that I have been through. But, I made my mistakes and decisions, and I suffer for them, I should bear the pain, nobody else. But, what do I do with him? Do you really think he will ever leave? HELP!! I NEED ADVICE!
thanks ladies for listening!
March 9th, 2009 at 10:04 pm
Antsy 25, i am in the exact same situatin. i mean exact to the tee! Its a very hard situation! But we love our MM!
March 12th, 2009 at 12:15 am
SeventySeven, I hope it’s not the same guy……ha ha
Who’s the one who got pregnant?…I say keep the child and keep the child support. Make sure your MM has money! I know it sounds bad and allthough I’m on birth control and not try to to have any kids right now, if you love that MM ,you know you would love that baby even more. I say if you are going to have a MM make sure he shows that money so at least he can contribute to making your life easier. Aim high ladies!…..My MM pays all my bills and is currently buying all my furniture for my new place. So at least if it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to I feel like I was able to take something from him. I would never tell him to stay with his wife unless he told me he didn’t want me anymore. It’s hard for me to think how I would act if things don’t go the way I want them because I truly love my MM…. and because I love him I don’t feel ashamed to ask him for anything. I feel it’s the least he can do for what he has asked me to put up with.
March 12th, 2009 at 12:20 am
Let me clarify, I would never tell him to stay with his wife NOW, after he has confessed his intentions, and I expect him to deliver.
March 12th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Wow. I Googled “Dating a married man” because i am in a situation I NEVER expected to be in. When this started (all of 5 days ago so its not too late) I was like “I will not get too involved. He will never leave her for me, I KNOW that, I know what happens dating a married man.” But I told him that and a few hours later he says “she’s moving out, we’re trying a temporary seperation.” We bonded over talking about her infedelity. He assures me I am not just revenge at her. I know better…
But why ladies, WHY, does it have to be a married man that ends up being so seemingly perfect for us? WHY? Every girl on here says how he’s the one, the soulmate, perfect… WHY?
March 12th, 2009 at 4:55 pm
Not because it is wrong or feels right, not because it feels good to have some one , not because it works best for us and most importantly not because we are in love, we tend to date married men for many reasons and these are some of the main reasons that I read bout in the post above. I am currently dating a married man., it’s been 5 years now and we have seen the good the bad and the ugly in this relationship. I dont have a dramatic or romantic story to tell, but I have my own personal feels that overtake me some days and feel my heart with bitternes because of this relationship. Yes, is he smart, funny, sexy, hard working and very supportive, but when it comes down to it, he and I are in a never ending battle with his family that i will never win because they adorn him and he is in a battle with my heart because what we have is incomplete and limited. I dont advocate dating a married man and i dont disagree, but I do say love has no limits and without love we sometimes feel inhuman…so if it work for you, enjoy it, but if it becomes part of your life that you feel emotionally unbalanced let go and find your true equal.
March 13th, 2009 at 2:16 am
I am dating a man that may as well be married. He’s been with his girl for 10 years and she doesn’t believe in marriage. He has all the right excuses. He can’t leave her while her career is unstable. They sleep in separate rooms. His job is too hectic. He and I live in different states. He’d have to sell his house and the market is bad. But he keeps saying soon. No timeline, can’t committ to one. He says he wants children and she got sterilized because she doesn’t. We fell madly in love and I think about him more than I should. I have a stack of hotel keys because we don’t go to his house and he rarely comes to mine. We fly somewhere, usually LA, and it breaks my heart every time I leave. It used to be every two weeks, now it’s every two months. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve tried to leave so many times, and he takes me back every time I think I’ve crazy to walk away from the only man I’ve ever loved. He asks for patience, keeps saying soon, but I was alone for all the holidays and I can’t keep doing this. 10 months. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? I have promised not to break up with him anymore, and I have not done it in a few months, but I want to. I want to move on. To give up. I just have a few years left to have more kids. I have a snazzy career myself, and I have three kids to keep me busy, so you’d think I have enough to make me feel whole without pining after him, but I feel like my happiness is wrapped up in being with him. Can somebody please put me out of my misery?
March 14th, 2009 at 2:55 am
LonelyGypsy…… the fact is, is that he’s not married and ha no kids. So, he really ha no ties. If he can’t even leave a woman he’s not married to then he really has issues. That’s just my thought on it.
March 14th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
he doesn’t love you..he loves the thrill of it all. Let him go. YOU DESERVE BETTER.
March 14th, 2009 at 5:32 pm
can i get some advice ladies!! I know my post is long, but i am still in need of help!! this is regards to my post, #203.. thanks ladies!
March 15th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Hello again! I’m here today just to say that we all should help ourselves & let these MM go. It’s truly not about LOVE! It’s about dignity, self-respect, self-worth, & simple: right & wrong! These MM are wrong!!! If we are honest with ourselves, we too are WRONG!!! I also believe in God & His teachings & in karma. What goes around definitely comes back around!
Some of us even have children. Personally, I’d never want this for my daughter regardless of the MM’s circumstances.
So, I’m ending all contact with my MM. I’m ready & prepared to LOVE myself more than I love someone who is truly selfish. That means I’m prepared to be “alone.” We must ALL realize that alone doesn’t mean LONELY! If we don’t love ourselves & can’t stand to be by/with ourselves, no one else will either! These MM, or any man for that matter, will only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. They have their cake & are eating it too, while we’re lonely & waiting most of the time, if we’re realistic with ourselves!!! This is sick. We deserve so much better & our children do too. Though letting go won’t be easy, it’s totally NECESSARY for our progression & our health. Relationships with MM are totally unhealthy. If these men loved us, they wouldn’t let us linger in limbo waiting on them to “leave” their wives & commit to us or they’d let us go. But, they don’t because they have the best of both worlds! They have everything while we have NOTHING. If God forbid something tragic or fatal happened to “our” MM, we would be last to be notified because we aren’t next of kin. They’re wives are!!! I don’t know about you. But for me it truly hurts!
I’m asking God for strength & encouragement to let go of this MM & love me more than I have been. I pray for all you women on this site & those others out there going through this! Blessings to ALL!!!
March 15th, 2009 at 2:54 pm
TYPO correction to post#210: Their wives are.
Just thought I’d fix that:-)
March 18th, 2009 at 3:35 pm
I’m dating a married man. Firefighter to be exact with 4 kids and a wife who live 1.5 hours away in another state. He happens to work about 2 miles from my home.
This is a first for me and he claims a first for him.
I know it won’t go anywhere. I know at the end of his 4 day shift, he does go home to his wife and kids.
March 19th, 2009 at 9:41 pm
I met him almost 4 years ago. We worked together and we went out on a date before he told me he was married. I was seperated from my husband at the time so I was single. I resisted at first but I just couldnt help myself from falling in love with him at work everyday. It\’s been a tough road. I got back together with my husband but I just couldnt leave my mm. I was head over heels in love with him. We never made false promises to each other and we never ever badmouth our spouses, ever. We live in different states now but we still get to see eachother every few months. There are so many restrictions on our relationship. A few years ago his wife found the phone records so I am not allowed to call his cell phone…he can call me from work when he feels like it but mostly we just email. There are weeks when he\’ll go a few days when I dont hear from him. I talked to him about a month ago and I asked him, \”are you in love with me\” he said, in a way I am…gross, what is that?? After so many years of saying I love you to eachother now he\’s going to pull this crap with me? In that same conversation it was mentioned that he considers us to be somewhat of a \”friends with benefits\” whit..when did this happen? When did I go from being called his girlfriend to his friend…with benefits? I can handle being with a mm but I being friends with benefits to a mm…thats just too much for me to handle! I absolutely NEED to get out of this but I just dont know how. I really love him but he\’s just so toxic.
March 20th, 2009 at 1:17 pm
Ladies, DONT DO IT!!! I was with a MM and I showed him all of this after getting upset about reading it. I told him, he is exactly like the others and he is never gonna be with me.He swore to me up and down and even cried while he told me that wasnt true. Well he told his wife about me and his family. And then he decided that he couldnt afford to move out and leave his wife. That his business was failing and he had to concentrate in getting money to pay his bills. He said he couldnt handle juggling everything he needed to juggle and give me 100% so what did he do?? He broke up with me. He is a coward, like the rest of them. So now he can stay in a miserable marriage and I can find somebody that I can have to MYSELF!!
So please ladies, as much as he BS’s you, please dont do this to yourself. You are so much better than that.
March 26th, 2009 at 11:44 am
ok i have being dating a such like creature or watever you like to call him, i’ve being with him for nearly three years and it’s great but der is also the other side , his wife is an alcoholic , she has a boyfriend her first cousin , and i’m 24 years younger than the married man , also he has two kids nearly my age and one is depressed an the other ok , they do all know i exsist but he still never offers or allows me to meet them , it seems like it s going sorta somewhere as the wife and him are seeing other people but the thing is they still live in the same house , an tho the wife actually abuses him and the kids they all don’t refuse to live there as for me if my mother was abusing me i’d be gone elsewhere , it still confuses me as to why they don’t move out or make her move , i think there is something holding on with him especially , also if i ask him to leave it’s aload of answers and question where am i going to live whwere will they live can i buy her out , but still after a year of really bad abuse from her still no action has being taken , well i guess it really does show how whether der seeing each other or not it does not mean they are splitting up in my eyes so basically i’m going down the easy road of losing interest in him and wouldn’t that make his life so easy he won’t have to move out .so it just goes that i’m being used for the feeling and love , altho he has being der through alot of things with me surgery procedures christmas an other holidays i’m still going home alone and still on the outside looking in so i’m not quite happy and the sooner losing interest fully runs its course only then will i break free of this affair , he has looked after me well with gifts an spending every day with me and on the phone also but i’m still alone and it’s not fair
March 26th, 2009 at 11:27 pm
For “a dum girl” the fact that he is 25years older “EWW”…. and do you live in a trailor park?
March 28th, 2009 at 4:27 pm
I’ve been seeing a married man for just over a year, it started when I was at the end of my marriage and he is still married. He keeps telling me he is going to get a divorce, they are going to lawyers, they are going to tell the kids, but I don’t think he actually really wants to…and now I am lonely at night, always waiting for my phone to right and hoping it is him…I hate it! There are single men out there that have asked me out and I want to, but what if my MM actually “tells the kids” about getting a divorce, I feel like I should stick it out with him…what a web I have weaved.
April 8th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
My MM & I have been on BFF status since we met. We instantly clicked & when I got to know him well I KNEW that we were perfect for each other and so did he. We are coworkers that share the same interests. He fell for me because I am the polr opposite of wife ( not negatively speaking of her) : I am college educated, she does not have a high school diploma, I am career oriented & she works at Krystal’s ( the equivalent of white castle for those of you that dont know). They have 2 mall children together. My dilemma is that he moved out to stay with me & his wife is ill (the verdict is out on whether she is faking for attention)…she has filed for disability for a precious illness & has asked him to stay home and take care of all of the bills until her disability comes through. She says that her working a job will make her seem like she is not disabled and they may deny her claim. I think it is an instant push to try to get him back. I may be wrong, who knows? His father told him that it would show what type of character he has if he doesnt wait to divorce her and stay with her during this trying time…somebody help me my feelings have gotten caught up & I am thinking about just giving up on what I know is my soulmate…
April 12th, 2009 at 10:14 pm
I understand the wanting to give up, it seems like a never ending battle. It has to be his choice, if you love him set him free to figure out what it is he wants. It hurts, but it is the only way to know.
May 1st, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I’ve decided to give it 1 month. In 1 month it will officially be 2 years. We work together on top of it all. He has 2 kids. The first year was amazing…I think we would have gotten married if he of course wasn’t already. I’m scared… I’m scared of ruining my life if he does leave. But I don’t want to be without him. Everyone I know tells me to get out. All these blogs above point to “NO”. If he leaves will he love me or resent me. Will I love him. I’m not an idiot but I sure as hell sound like one. The only thing I can do is try to get through this month. If I can get through this month then I will hopefully have the strength to get through more. If this was really meant to be , then it WILL.. I just need help not being impulsive and to sit with my feelings.
May 2nd, 2009 at 1:49 am
If I stay I will end up living a lie for the rest of my life. So ‘ve decided to move. Even if I quit my job, because we work together, the fact that we live in the same city is temptation and thats what got me into this mess… temptation. Ohh yes, but the sex is amazing. I think its the thrill of it being wrong and having to be creative about when and where. Its true that if you can manage not having any strong feelings you can come out of it with some sanity… I need space… miles and miles of space to find my sanity and salvation to my situation. The great thing is that Im single, young, and no kids which means I can start a new life somewhere far and start fresh any time … all while he finds a replacement because I do believe that most MM that cheat once will do it again.
May 4th, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Honestly I have dated my MM for the love, affection and support he gives me. We also work together. We have been seeing each other for over a year. No I know he won’t leave his wife and I don’t want him too. Actually even though he’s married he has been the one who has treated me the best. I rather be with someone who’s married than be with all these other guys that have been abussive and want only sex. I don’t see myself leaving anytime soon but I know it will come to that point one day.
May 4th, 2009 at 8:25 pm
we honestly need chat rooms to support each other on this kinda stuff. Anyone know of any. It’s always easier and fast to chat. And to the wife’s who read this. Sorry but most men cheat and yes we have feelings too but no apolgies.
May 5th, 2009 at 8:51 am
wow,you guys are amazing. i like the suggestion of a chat room but most of us are dating on the quiet because of the hurt and shame involved and a chat room may just feel a little too open and unsafe??? i’ve been dating a mm for four years now and he has been and still is the most amazing support. i can’t let go. i’m addicted. i’ve tried but i can’t keep it up for more than 11days. the silence is torturous and he finds it the same. he is unhappily married of course and has no kids to his wife. i want to say more but i cannot reveal too much as my ex would create a huge alienation thing with my kids. i want to say, i keep reading if he’ll cheat on his wife, he’ll cheat on you too but don’t all men cheat? i think we’re the lucky ones that we know they do. we have to get past this kind of thinking and trust. love cannot exist without trust and i believe we need to give them the benefit of the doubt. yes, i also hate the public holidays that i can’t have access to him other than sms which i have to wait until he checks his phone as he keeps it hidden in his home. my God, this is risky but if we don’t take risks, we all wouldn’t be here aye? as far as i’m concerned,a marriage is not a marriage if love is no longer existent. it’s easy to tie the knot but so much harder to undo it. i’m patient, i need his support and am content to wait. time is our best friend. i know that i can not wait another year of stealing time though. my limit it approaching but so is their relationship. i believe he’ll be out soon and we can both bite the bullet and start an open relationship. this site has helped me so much so thanks to all you sharers out there. this is not an easy road to travel.
May 6th, 2009 at 9:55 am
you know, being in this predicaement is hell when you want more friends because every bit of spare time i have is taken up with him. i steer away from extra friendships (altho i could do with the female support) cos i know how difficult this would be for someone to accept. i don’t want to drop that bomb shell on anyone so i don’t allow friendships to get too close which leaves me vulnerable. being a single parent makes it hard to find time for friends anyway. so the cycle continues. . . this is what makes it so hard to break loose when you feel you deserve more than crumbs. it’s not having enough support! i’ve been to hell and back the last few years with the ending of a longstanding abusive relationship and the legal system and my mm’s been there for me every spec of the way. we have the same philosophy. it’s rare to find someone you have great sexual chemistry with and understands and loves you for who you are so i’m clinging on. i’ve told him i need and deserve more. i never feel i can get enough of our time together. i see him once a week for 1.5hrs. we spend a lot of time on the phone. his wife of 8years has been very dependent on him but he has accepted responsibility of this and is weaning her off slowly and she is being forced to find supports outside as he lets go more and more. she will leave him eventually but it’s a long slow road. i confront him a lot and this makes him more aware of how i am feeling and surprisingly, makes him love me more for my honesty. i will not tolerate his excuses. i believe in telling him exactly how i see it. MM tried to make me dependent on him at first but i need my independence for strength and no longer let him buy me things or help out too much. i will not be robbed of my independence again. he is very gentle and wouldn’t hurt anybody. i hurt him when i told him how could i trust that he won’t also cheat on me? he told me, that really hurt and we needed to talk about the trust thing. that’s when i went seeking and found this webpage. very timely, i told him (thanks to you guys affirming my own fears and thoughts) that i hurt every night he goes home and sleeps next to her, i told him i deserve and want more, he seems to have this opinion of himself that he is a free man but i sharply reminded him he is still attached and i am very aware of that. he has pulled his socks up since i told him that and has opened up more. denial is an incredibly blind state. this site has been a huge support to me in my times of need. keep feeding me you strong women. i appreciate all your experiences. this is our chat room and it is safe. cheers!
May 8th, 2009 at 8:52 am
Question: How much time does you women spend with your MM? Does your MM have sex with his wife as well? I spend several hours during the week of course with my MM and some weekends. My MM said he does not sleep with his wife and I do believe him. His situation is strictly for the kids etc.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:08 am
i was in a relationship with a married man. we broke up because he want to have sex with me and i refused; he said: “if you don wanna make love with me i won’t talk to you again”. i dressed and i walked away. it is now 3weeks that we broke up and the problem is that i love him alot and i can’t be his priority.besides, he made it clear to me;he wants a girl to only satisfy his sexual desires. i was sick yesterday and i called him, because he is a doctor, and i asked him what i can do. he recommended me to buy some medicines. i called him this morning we talked normally as one of his patient. concerning hanging out with sb else, i find it difficult because i keep comparing the new one with my EX. i am really in a delimma. i’m facing the impossible love. he can’t creak up with his wife and he want me as his mistress.
May 8th, 2009 at 5:42 pm
I am engaged to a man that I love dearly. BUT lately he just hasn’t been there for me. I talked to him about it and he basically doesn’t care. So, lately I have been talking to this married man that I work with, and he is just so amazing. I never thought I would fall for a married man or another man in the same sense. I haven’t had any sexual relations with him, yet. I am just so sad in my current relationship and my MM makes me so happy. I love coming into work in the morning because I know I’m going to see him. We have been talking every night lately and I miss him when he’s not around. It’s just so wierd. IDK what to do at this point. I’ve tried to walk away, but it makes it very difficult if you work with the person. I’m just enjoying the ride! I pray everyday to give me the strength to let it go. It may look appealing now, but it’s not worth the disappointment and sin!
( So sad!
May 9th, 2009 at 8:07 am
it aint sin you women. when you say it’s sin and wrong you’re revealing your own guilt. it’s just a belief you have and you’re letting society rule you. try and drop the guilt and be curious as to why you’re in this situation with a mm. none of us asked for this kind of relationship. none of us planned it. we are drawn to our needs. if you’re happy and they fulfil you in some way. let it ride and enjoy the love. life is too short: FOLLOW YOUR HEARTS, not so much your head. it feels so right when me and my mm are together. i’m passed the stage of telling myself it’s wrong. i’m going with it. SHARING, i feel sorry for you, what a strong woman you are. i couldn’t resist the temptation. TO Yikes, it sounds like you need to follow your happiness. dis engage. if it’s already feeling like he’s not there for you, get out now. Your not married yet. he should be treating you like gold at the moment. i love all of you and hope you can remain true to your hearts. go with what resonates with your happiness.
May 10th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
I dated a married man once but I was going thru a divorce and he was there to comfort me. I knew he was married and it lasted 10 months before we ended it. I moved to L.A. and away from where we worked. I promised myself I would never date another married man. And then I met someone 4 yrs. later. He told he had been divorced and she lived in another state. I found out he was lying b/c she called me and told me that he was very much still involved swith her but it was late I had already fallen in love. He still denies being with her and tells me im the only one for him. And now he gets all insecure when I don’t call and constatnly asks me IF I WILL STAY WITH HIM FOREVER. BABY… he tells me… Promise me your mine… Its a game now. Just milk it.
May 14th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I start dating a mm b/c all the time we spent together at work, every day even over time, It was never my intention to date a mm, it was actually him the one that start persuing me, was waaay to nice…we used to have lunch together almost everyday and he will voluntier fixing any problems I have at home, whatever he was a very handy man, maybe at the beginning at was in denial I tought he was nice to everyone….but when he was stepping into a deeper level I had to ask him about his wife, since he never EVER mention her, he just only said it was a bit private a personnal decition that SHE took, I was confunsed! like huh?! anyways I learned about his intenions once when while hicking he showed up and wanted to join me and after hours of walking over those mountains I took a break and then in a very smooth move he kiss me…silence sealed our relationship, I felt guilty but I didnt want to have feel that way at work I played NICE at work, he NEVER mention his wife after that it was ME that asked the quetions, only one time he admited that his wife didnt enjoy SEX, and wouldnt feel satified, I guess that make him feel bad…he has 2 kids, I told him I was NOT interested in dating a mm that’s silly, and to forgive me for misleading him (somehow)… OH gosh it was sooo dificult to be rude!, I am very polite girl and dont cuse anyway I couldnt push him away, my boss give me an office and put the mm a few feet away from my desk!!…. so yeah we were very close he knew everything about me,he was curious about my life, when he help me move to my new department he push me against the wall and kiss me, his touch was sooo passionate to me I was weak and we did it, then like an addiction we did it at work (warehouse) in his truck, we drove very far and did it in the road, he will make excuses at home to leave late at night to met me, we used to do it at leats 4 times a day (sounds so bad), I got promoted and required some travel and my boss would send me along with the mm, and we travel together, he would leave his ring away…I have to admit it the relationship was a very passionate one, and will swear he and his wife didnt sleep together and their relationship is extranged, he told me he didnt hate her but that he didnt LOVE her anymore, so I guess I misunderstood some terms, I imaged them being apart and he even told me they dont go to places together, once guiltyness due its part and I was having problems sleeping next day I ask him to meet me and then I broke up with him, and he cried (didnt expect that reaction)and swear to God he loved me and I wanted him to stop being soooo dramatic and hugged him and explain I dont want to be in the middle on them and he said :” I have made my decisition”, I never pushed him to leave his wife, actually I pushed him to go to counseling to try to fix his marriage he refused, then I become suspeicious, I tought hey maybe he doesn t want to go to counseling bc there is NO problems in his marriage at all!!!, and then I googled his wife name and found several photos like in facebook, hi5, myspace of THEM together and very happy , the pics were recent!!!
it was a slap in the face he lied to me all this time…conclusion: he lied to me for his convinience, there NO problems in his marriage, he wont leave his wife, they are looking to buy a new house and he just used me!!!, I just wish he would have been honest to me…..
so today I broke up with him, I changed my number, and blocked him from my email, and quit my job, will be back to school its about 2K aways from here from him!! I feel so releive…so much relieve……
I do only keep a ppicture of his wife, and pray this never happen again, I bet she is a nice woman never met her, but I can tell she is a good mother…. I know Karma will due its part but as for now I can move on, and if I start thinking of him I just have to see those myspace pictures over and over again!!!
that help…..
we last 8 momths
May 16th, 2009 at 9:28 am
your story has touched me. how sad to have to leave your paid employment as well. seeing that picture of his wife is a great idea to keep you strong. i bet you feel so much anger. your story is similar to mine in that my mm is also a handy man and fixed so many things in my house and gave me lots of practical items that during the quieter times, all i see around me is a reminder of his goodness. now, after four years i don’t let him do as much for me. i have trained him not to give me gifts like he use to. i am still with my mm but he has learnt to step back. i alerted him to the fact that he was being a road block by always rescuing me instead of letting me hit rock bottom and find my own way of doing things. a woman needs to have her own choice of the way she wants her house and garden to look. the more we can do for ourselves the better. i wish you all the strength in the world to keep strong as passionate love making like you’ve had IS definately an addiction that fills our human needs. good luck in keeping him away. these mm seem to be so very clingy.
May 18th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
Good Evening Ladies, its the first time I log into this site and as I am reading each and every story, I am more and more shocked. I had no idea there were so many of us out there going thru the same situation.
I have been dating a MM for 5 months now and I have to admit that Ive never been this happy like I am now. I mean i know that this man is not mine, but lets not forget, that we dont belong to anybody. He makes me feel like nothing else matters when we are togethe. You see, when you start off with a man, you tell yourself that its going to be different than the previous relationships, that this time you are going to take it easy and that you know what you are getting yourself into. NOT!!!! doesnt work like that. before you know it, you fall as hard as you did before or harder, you loose your cool, and sometimes just sometimes, you settle. although you know its wrong and you get upset, you settle. It doesnt matter what you tell yourself, wether you say \”i know this is not right, or im going to break it off tomorrow\” , you dont stop. you continue, because deep down, you have a little bit of hope and you want him to leave wha the has at home. Before you know it, you have fallen in love with this man. His charm, his charisma, his desire and his passion…all that drives you insane. and the more you see him, the more in love you fall. I agree with a fellow bloger who stated that if the man is cheating…its because he is lacking something at home. its a very tough situation to be in, and it doesnt get easier with time.
May 19th, 2009 at 7:14 pm
I can’t take it anymore…i’m braking down…I have to quite my job. It’s the only way I can get away from him clean. I’m looking for another job but haven’t found anything yet. I don’t know what to do!!
May 20th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I have fallen in love with a married man and I feel utterly miserable. I entered into this with my eyes wide open and it is completly my own fault as I initiated the “relationship”. He told me from the beginning that he was not going to leave his wife and that he did not want to hurt her or me. I know he has feeling for me too, I guess that’s why he always feels so guilty. I am also in a long term relationship, the difference though is that I would end my relationship for him, that is how stongly I feel about him. I feel so foolish sometimes but I have no intention of giving him up, if all I can have are snatched moments together then I would rather have them than not have him at all.
May 21st, 2009 at 3:31 pm
Here is my story,
I loved my wife since we were kids. Well i was a teenager and she was just getting to be one. We got married when we were in our twenty’s. I have only slept with her. Never been unfaithful to her, but after her family moved into our lives I saw that she stopped taking care of our interest. She was very kind first, we spend many hours talking during our courtship of fifteen years, now she seem to just want to spend time with her family, and friends. She also berates me in front of them.
While I try to work and save for the family and our son, in this economy she wants the expensive car and house.
I have been getting depressed, gained weight and am really overworked.
Everything is a verbal fight. I am tired of feeling unloved, and unappreciated. I told her how I felt and she cried and told me that all i want is a divorce. Well there is more to the story, but mostly I imagine when I got married to my wife that we would spend time working, and building a future. For our child and for us to grow old together. Now after loving her for over 15 years,my heart is not feeling that love anymore. I have been hurting too long.
At my weakest time, a friend of mine, visited the city where I live. She I knew for over 8-9 years. I always taught that she was a hard working woman, beautiful and very caring. A “Christian Woman” who went to seminary school, speaks 3 languages and has the biggest heart for everyone.
So I spent time with her. I found that life was worth living again. I felt happy for the first time in a long while. She saw me after 7 years, me being overweight she still saw straight through me and found that I was beautiful. We spoke about everything, and we cried.
We kissed, we got very close to having sex, but we backed away. We were and am afraid now to loose each other’s friendship if we cross that line.
I would rather be her friend and no sex than to have that pleasure and loose her.
She is now a few thousand miles away. Good for me I guess , good for her too.
I think she is my soulmate but I believe that the way this world is put together is to create more drama for the GODs than to allow us to be happy as humans.
Anyway, here is what I found out.
In life you mostly want the thing that “they say” you should not have. This makes the desire/temptation greater. I do believe that we need to say “no” to ourselves. Yes human nature is strong but don’t be duped into intimacy until it is comfortable.
This is why most affairs starts.
Things are easier to be broken than to be built.
It takes years to build a community around you and your spouse. A separation puts you back so much, in money and time. It will affect your child’s education fund, to own a home, contacts and friends you both have accrued. Is it really worth it?
This is why most men do not leave their wives.
The mental growth of spouses.
I am in my early 30’s and my friends are in their 40’s and 50’s. My understanding of life, finances, religion and other topics are great than my wife’s. She is in her late 20’s but all of her friend’s are now touching early 20’s and none are married.
We can’t really communicate on the level of interest that makes 2 into 1. We are focus on totally different things. Same thing happens when affairs starts in work places. People who shares similar interest with you will always be very attractive.
This is why communication deteriorates.
The way how I now look at life, is that my child comes first. My desires cannot be satisfied with just an affair out of my marriage. I cannot hurt a friend, or my wife. So I will now take my life… an just live. Whatever happens, happens, because no one who reads this post will be concerned if I still exist on this planet or if I am no longer here. Same as I do about the other people who post their comments. We as humans, have to be honest first with ourselves, judge not, and understand that true happiness comes from within. I think that marriage should have never been instituted, its a flawed agreement, since its an agreement of possessing someone else. Slavery is also an agreement of possession of another human being. Parenting is not. As humans, we are all into possessing someone, something, some idea. I have read many of the post, everyone wants someone for themselves, they are lonely, needy, can’t function alone. Until we can free ourselves of possessing, only then can we be truly free. Marriage I guess was instituted so that we can protect the future of mankind, our children. But to keep the other person loving you, wanting you, attracted to you. For you to possess and be passionate about. This is really difficult and most people i think do fake it. Everyone loves the honeymoon, but to live with someone year in year out. You will get hurt, you will get treated badly and you will get attractions from the outside.
The PROBLEM is that MARRIAGE, ..is really not FROM GOD. This is a man made institution and I should have study about the origin of marriage before venturing into it. Oh well .. that life. Happiness to All!
May 22nd, 2009 at 11:53 pm
it’s nice to hear the male view in this post. we do care. we’re all human and all have a need to be loved in a special way. what will be will be. ACCEPT WHAT IS. life is too short. take whatever love comes your way, i say.
May 23rd, 2009 at 2:37 am
I’ve been friends with a man 6 months now through online dating,we are both very attracted to eachother in so many ways.finally one e mail came and said he was married.He said his wife doesn’t mind and in fact encourges a little fun on the side - should I feel guilty or just take it?We really do want to meet eachother now,I don’t expect anything longterm out of this anyway.
May 24th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
if you can keep from falling in love. . he could say anything to keep you. if you can trust that what he’s telling you about his wife is true, go for it, enjoy the ride. live, learn and move on. sounds like he’s non committal as well.
May 24th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Okay So I found this site today and read many posts, but none relate to me. Last night I slept with a married man. I do not want a relationship with him, nor want him to leave his wife. I met him over 7 yrs ago, we work at the same company. He was not married when we met, but I was in a relationship. He has always been flirty and over the years we have become great friends. I even know his wife and children. He has been attracted me to since day 1, and the feeling was a bit mutual- but I never allowed him to take it further than friends. Weve gone out with co-workers many times, and met for coffee. Last week he told me that he wanted to kiss me and asked if I would give him permission. I said no, and left it at that. I am not married and have no kids and just ended a LONG relationship. To make this story short he invited me to see a movie- something weve done before. We go to the movies and then he takes me to his house. He just bought it a few months ago and he wanted to see it….well as naive as I was I went and I was surprised no one was there. His wife and kids went to visit their grandmother. Long story short, he kissed me. and I allowed it to happen. I was there all night and one thing led to another. IN THEIR OWN HOUSE. Now, I am not one of those women that has low self esteem, or sleeps around. That is not who I am. I guess after so many years, weve been holding back and we could not any more. The problem is that : I do not feel bad. Is that wrong? I am not the one who took vows and broke them. Although if I wasnt there, it would not have happened. I am well aware that I deserve so much more, and am not worried about meeting a nice single man. Like I said I just got out of a relationship and I am not ready to jump into another one. It was sex between two people who have known and respected each other for many years. I do not think anything will change. He called me today ( this happned last night) and just wanted to make sure I was okay. I am not planning on doing this again, I was curious as was he. I do not want our great friendship to change. I am not a stupid woman ,perhaps he is just using me , but I am not expecting anything in return. I am not sure if this is going to lead to other encounters. I don’t know if I want that. I told my best friend and her reply was that he was a jerk and I should not stoop that low, that I deserve better. Yes, I used to think that way, but until you find yourself in the situation- you cannot pass judgement. I too think that marriage is a flawed thing, which is the reason I have not married. I am 31 and he is 41. This is his second marriage. He claims to have never cheated on his wife before this. Well, he has not opened Pandoras box. Is ther something wrong with me, that I have no remorse? It was fun I enjoyed it, and no one is going to get hurt. I hope…
May 24th, 2009 at 10:20 pm
I fell in love with a man who I don’t think realizes I know he’s married. Cybergwen has it exactly right, those are the things that keep you sane and able to enjoy, while also retaining your own life. I wish I felt comfortable telling him relax, you don’t have to keep secrets with me- but I appreciate that he has said nothing rather than lie to me. What he doesn’t say says it all, and I never pushed; he didn’t cause me stress and I wouldn’t want to cause him any, either. He deployed for 2 years with the military, so I told him goodbye and that I appreciated that the time we spent was something special in my life. Four months after he left, he wrote, to see if I still cared. Yes, indeed; how could I not. But I also know that loving someone doesn’t mean you have to own them.
May 25th, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I have been dating a married man for several months. Same story - no love in a 30 year marriage, never done this before, loves me like no one else but … I ended it last night as it is too difficult to be the second thought. I have been reading this site for months and thought - of course - that would never happen to me. Well, it has and it is the most difficult and humiliating feeling in the entire world. Please — if you are considering an affair - don’t. The hurt is not worth it. It is a lonely heartache as I can’t tell anyone about it. I am extremely sad and more importantly, angry with myself. I am grateful that his wife doesn’t know about it as it would make it even worse. Don’t go there!!!
May 25th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
I have been dating a married man for several months. Same story - no love in a 30 year marriage, never done this before, loves me like no one else but … I ended it last night as it is too difficult to be the second thought. I have been reading this site for months and thought - of course - that would never happen to me. Well, it has and it is the most difficult and humiliating feeling in the entire world. Please — if you are considering an affair - don’t. The hurt is not worth it. It is a lonely heartache as I can’t tell anyone about it. I am extremely sad and more importantly, angry with myself. I am grateful that his wife doesn’t know about it as it would make it even worse. Don’t go there!!!
May 29th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Test Post
May 29th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Yes! I won my married man over. I’m so lucky! He left his wife and 3 kids and moved in with me! His wife and kids are going to soon going to have to move out of their house because since he is gone they can no longer afford to stay there and I shall try my best to spend most of his money so he will not pay any to that wench and those brats. Oops, my bad! His kids call him and cry over the phone because they miss their Dad. Stupid kids, my needs are more important than theirs, they will get over it. I understand his wife is now on some kind of anti-depressant drugs and there is rumor that his parents are going to take the kids from her for a while until she gets herself together emotionally. Stupid broad, she should have known that after 10 years, a younger prettier woman like me would come along and scoop him up, he is such a hunk! So what she has had 3 kids, she is flabby around the middle and should have taken better care of herself. I will never ever lose my figure and I will always be beautiful and treat my man good enough that he will never cheat on me like he did her. I feel lucky today! I think I will go in there and give him a big hug just in case he is missing the baygirl he calls “Noo Noo”. She is so cute but hopefully he will never spend time with her and spend it all with me because of he sees NooNoo then he has to see the ole whench and I don’t want him feelin sorry for her and giving her one dime! Get a better job B! No one told you to put him through college and not get a degree yourself. Foolish foolish woman! But hang in there girls, if you want your married man all you have got to do is play your cards right and he will leave his family for you. It happened to me it can happen for you.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
have spent some time reading the comments above. I’m very shocked to find so many comments from women who have dated a married man/men.
I have a lot to say about this scenario.
First, about three years ago, my supervisor partnered me with this guy for the evening. We both worked in corrections. He didn’t talk to me the entire night, until I was leaving and he jumped in my car. He started talking and aside from the fact I thought him jumping in my car was weird … we did seem to hit it off right away.
Well, he continued to talk to me at work …. he was very flirtatious. I was still hesitant to start anything. He began making more forward comments about us being together … dating … going out and such.
I started to fall for this guy - against my will.
One day he came into work upset and he ran his hand through his hair - that is when I noticed the wedding band. I then asked him if he was married and he said yes. Then he went into this story about only being married because of his little boy. He continued to say he and his wife were not together …. that they were separated.
Immediately, my mind was whirling.
I am very convicted against dating a married man. To me … I take marriage vows seriously. If you get divorced, that is one thing. But married and separated is STILL MARRIED.
Unfortunately, I was in an emotional stressful time in my life - and he had already made that connection with me.
He and I continued to be friends and go out together and talk on the phone. He kept pressing for a relationship and i just never fed into it, although I wanted to.
Well, I was injured on the job and left. I live outside of where I worked, my phone got cut off and everything with this guy fell aside.
It had been two years and I had thought about him all the time. I often wondered if he and his wife were still together, or if they had separated.
Well, he found me on facebook … I was hesitant to talk to him on the phone … but so much of me was hoping things were finally clear for us to be together.
I called, and my heart immediately went right back to the place it was. I was so happy to hear his voice. As we were talking, it seemed that no one wanted to bring up the ‘married thing.’ But, he then asked me some things I require in a man and I would state something and he would reply with ‘check, got that.’
I knew I had to know … so I finally said ‘he has to be single,’ and there was dead silence on the other end of the phone.
Then …. “unfortunately, I’m not.”
I had the opportunity there to stop things before they started. But, I didn’t. I kept talking to him. I don’t know why.
He began to tell me how much he cared about me and wondered why I had dropped off the face of the earth and it was good to talk to me and he wanted to be with me and all that jazz.
Well, it felt good to hear those nice things. It really did. In one conversation, I let myself get in over my head.
We continued to talk and text and email. We talked all the time and were planning on reuniting.
In my heart, I knew things could be innocent and I could talk myself out of guilt if we kept things on the phone. But, I also knew that if we were together, things would not stay innocent.
I couldn’t bring myself to completely committing adultry …. although in reality …. I already was. Intimacy is so much more than just sexual …
I had to make a decision. I was overwhelmed with guilt. My mind never wandered off of him. I would think about being with him and doing things with him … and then … my mind would hit a brick wall. HE’S MARRIED. You will not have him the way you want him.
I brought myself to the place I was able to make the decision.
I wrote him this …. because I knew if I did this on the phone … I would not be able to get the words out or back down to his ‘but this and but that.”
I can’t sleep, so I thought I would write.
I’m sitting here, in the middle of the night, trying to go over everything in my head. Really, I’ve gotten nowhere, except for a big headache.
I’m not going to lie or deny that I did not have feelings for you back a few years ago, or the potential for feelings now. I’m not going to say that I have not thought a million times about throwing caution to the wind and forgetting all of the things that kept me from pursuing you before. I also cannot pretend that your wife, family, and very stable life do not exist.
When we worked together, I don’t know what it was about you, but you certainly did catch my eye. Maybe you etched yourself into my mind that day you ignored me on Alpha A and then later jumped into my car as an almost complete stranger. I don’t know. But, I did take notice of you and found many things that I liked.
You were funny, great with the kids, laid back, handsome, charming …… you could make me smile …
I didn’t know you were married until a day, for the first time, I noticed you wearing a wedding band. I thought for sure it was just one of those bands that people wear for no particular reason. But, when I asked you if you were married … and you said yes … my mind hit a brick wall.
I can’t explain why I continued to talk to you and ignore my mind screaming “HE’S MARRIED!” I think a part of me tried to explain it away with the fact that you were not happily married … I tried to justify my reasons for placing my morals and integrity on the sidelines.
I honestly didn’t believe I was going to be able to fight off those feelings for much longer. But, it was that week I went out for surgery and recovery …. Circumstances transpired to where I never returned.
Until that day you emailed me.
I didn’t want things to start off again where they ended before. But, a part of me was curious as to whether circumstances in your life had changed.
In talking to you that first time, I realized nothing had changed. You were still married … still part of a family …. Still living in a very stable life. Unhappy maybe. Unsatisfying maybe. But, still so.
Again, I’ve struggled. This time throwing a little more caution to the wind. I’ve let myself more easily ignore the facts that have not been altered over the past three years.
I’m not really clear on what exactly you wanted then, nor am I really clear on what you want now. I don’t know whether something with me would be some fun on the side, a temporary escape from your unhappiness, or something more serious. I don’t mean any disrespect in saying I am unclear of where you stand – I’m just trying to be as honest as I can.
But, I do know where I stand, even if I seemed to have forgotten for a moment.
The complete and honest truth is that, no matter how much I want to or how much I try – I cannot ignore the guilt I feel when I talk to you, or think about you.
Yeah, things seem almost innocent on the phone. But, we both know that in person, things would be different – more real, I guess you could say.
The reality is, no matter how much I might grow to care … you are driving to your home, to your wife, to your child/children, living your already-made life … fulfilling responsibilities as a husband and father. A few texts and minutes of conversation snuck in between your family dinners and tucking your son into bed have little comparison … at the end of the day – you belong to someone else.
I’m usually very good at sharing. My home, my possessions, my space, my time, my clothes, my food …… but, not my man …. Especially when I could never truly call him mine. And, you said it yourself, you can’t have two wives.
Without meaning to sound rude or vain - I place more value in myself than to be anyone’s side dish …
I’m not going to, nor will I ever, ask or demand you give any of your life up for me. That would be selfish, irresponsible, and immoral.
Nor will I let myself exist in a relationship that has potential to lead nowhere … except down a bumpy road that is sure to end in pain and frustration.
You may not feel that this situation is a big deal … you may be taking it with a grain of salt … but in my heart - I cannot rightfully let things go on. It would not be fair to either one of us.
At one point, either you are going to want more than I am willing to give …. or … I am going to want more than you are willing to give. I can’t see either situation ending happily.
I have written this letter because I express myself better by writing. Also, I want to apologize. My intentions were never to lead you on, but I fear that I probably have.
From what I know, you seem to be someone, who under different circumstances, I would love to pursue something with.
Unfortunately, these are not different circumstances.
I hope you and your wife find a way to make your family work happily —– or, I hope you find someone who better completes you. Either way, I wish you nothing but happiness.
I hope, if you are the man I think you are, you will regard this letter with kindness and understanding and not with anger and frustration.
……………
The truth is ladies … I still think about him and I still wonder ‘what if.” But in reality, if he is not actively getting a divorce then he IS NOT GOING TO!
This guy had three years to change things with his wife …. but nothing changed …. with me in or out of the picture … if things were bad enough … he would have divorced.
Ladies WE ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN LOWERING OUR STANDARDS FOR A MAN WHO IS WILLING TO TAKE 100 PERCENT OF US AND GIVE US ONLY 2 PERCENT OF HIM!
TAKE MY ADVICE …. BEING INVOLVED WITH A MAN WHO IS ALREADY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE IS JUST ASKING FOR BEING DEPRESSED, LONELY, JELEOUS, OVER-THE-TOP EMOTIONAL … AND SO ON.
DON’T THINK YOU LIKE THE ADRENALINE RUSH. IT MIGHT BE NICE AT FIRST, BUT IT WILL FADE AND BECOME AN EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT THAT YOU WILL HAVE A HARD TIME SEVERING. ONCE YOU ARE THERE, YOU WILL PUT UP WITH THE TWO PERCENT YOU GET OF HIM JUST SO YOU CAN GET THAT TWO PERCENT!
IT IS HARD - FINDING A MAN THAT YOU WANT - BUT CAN’T HAVE. BUT THE PAIN OUTWEIGHS ALL ELSE.
JUST LIKE I TOLD MY MARRIED MAN … AT THE END OF THE DAY … YOU BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE.
LADIES - REALIZE YOUR TRUE WORTH! YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE AS A WOMAN THAN TO BE ANYONE’S SIDE DISH … BE THE WHOLE FULL-COURSE MEAL OR TELL HIM TO STOP BY MCDONALDS ON HIS WAY HOME!!! YOU ARE NOT A TWO-FOR-ONE DEAL!
Sorry, I know it is harder than it sounds.
But let a married man be married and open your eyes to a man who can give all of himself to you!
Also, I thought of it this way: If I were marred, I would NOT want my husband cheating on me …. in any way. I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around! If you allow yourself to steal a part of another woman’s man - IT WILL COME BACK TOYOU!
Ladies - don’t settle for less than what you are worth! I almsot did!
June 1st, 2009 at 10:32 pm
I commend you for being a strong woman. Not everyone can be like you, although we all should. I just slept with a married man, but that was it. The feelings were too strong for me to ignore. I am not killing myself over it, nor regret it. It was sex, I was curious and that was that. I know he will never leave his wife, nor would I want him to. I would never trust him, nor would I want something with kids as baggage.
I am very proud of you. Just wondering, what was his reponse?
June 2nd, 2009 at 8:42 am
yes, i am also very proud of you for being so strong and sharing so much. i am also curious what his response was to your letter? my mm’s marriage is nearing it’s end and i am waiting and hoping… if i don’t take the plunge, i’ll always be wondering. thanks again renae.
June 2nd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
To #’s 247 and 248 ….
His response was simple. I’m not sure what I expected …. I didn’t know whether he would get upset or understand.
He told me that he understood and that he could never be upset with my decision.
Like I said … it was simple - but kind.
I haven’t spoken to him since - which is hard because of our friendship that was there. BUT - that tie has to be completely cut because if I still maintained a ‘friendship’ with him - it would be too easy for me to slip right back into where we were before.
It took all I had to say goodbye - and it feels better every day …
Something really awesome to think about ladies … just kind of a praise report …
The week after I ’said goodbye’ this really awesome SINGLE MAN and I mean real MAN has started talking to me and we seem to be hitting it off really well.
This man is single … great job … passionate about life …. knows how to treat a woman … is just proving to be sooooooo amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I would NEVER have seen him in my life if I still had my eyes on my married man! Think of the opportunity I would have missed!
Think of what you may be missing or may miss in your life!
Wow - I can honestly say ladies - I have such a peace about me now! I have more confidence in myself. I do not feel ashamed! It is just soooo much weight lifted off my mind and burden off my heart since I SAID GOODBYE!
I wish you all the best of luck and pray you find the REAL MAN that can complete you and fulfil you in every way!!!!!!!
June 3rd, 2009 at 5:53 pm
I am very happy for you! You are so correct, you can get hung up on a MM and not even notice other wonderful SINGLE men that may be paying you attention. Since you made the right choice, that single man was placed in your path.
Hope we can all find our great single man one day as well!
June 4th, 2009 at 8:26 am
wow, what an amazing story and thanks for sharing. what gives you the strength to make these decisions? amazing example of the universe rewarding courage. You are a very courageous woman Renae and worthy of a good man. wish i had your strength but i do not have anyone who i can share my secret with as my family are more religious than I and they would not agree with my mm relationship. you are an inspiration.
June 4th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
to #251
Thank you for your kind words! I understand what you mean by having no one to share your secret with ….. boy do I know! That can be the biggest burden to carry during this situation. I couldn’t tell my family or friends because I knew they would look down upon me. So, I could never tell them I was with a married man - so no one was there to help me or support me during the relationship - or to help me get over the relationship. Going through something like that can be really tough. If you need someone to talk to — feel free to email me at crosssolja@hotmail.com. I can try my best to be that friend for you!
As for you not being strong enough - the strength is there - you just have to find it! You have to want to find it first, though.
Like I said, email me if you need a friend to talk to.
June 7th, 2009 at 6:06 am
HELP ME PLEASE….
I’ve met the most wonderful married man a month ago. It seems like we’re both totally falling for each other. I’m separated after 20 years with 3 younger kids. He’s younger than me but has 1 college age daughter. He’s been married for 10 years. Same story, we sneak around trying to find little windows of time to spend together, talk & txt daily. (M-F) So far we’ve only kissed - nothing more.
AM I OUT OF MY MIND?? THIS IS HIS NOTE FROM FRIDAY..
good morning my love. i tried really hard to do the right thing. but deep inside i was hoping you would text, call, or write. you knew that we cant stay away from each other. this makes me wonder what the right thing really is. does this mean that the right thing for us is to follow our hearts? to completely fall for each other? to lose all control and see where that takes us? it sure does look that way now. we really do have a special connection, but its becoming clear just how special now that you are ready to throw caution to the wind and take these giant emotional risks.
i am so glad that we will get to still see each other, and find quiet spots to talk and kiss and stare at each other. over time i can only hope we wont have to sneak around any more. but right now you and i are going to do whatever we have to.
we really, really need to see each other. there is a chance i could escape this evening. text you later.
IT’S THE WEEKEND.. AND NO WORD FROM HIM. I KNOW I’M CRAZY… PLEASE HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT..
June 7th, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I have been in your shoes before … talking and texting daily … sharing an emotional bond that seems was ‘meant to be’ that the only thing stopping you from true bliss is that the man of your affection is married to another … yes yes …. I have been there before.
That is — Monday thru Friday I have been there. The weekends it seems were off limits - true family time - a time where he had a harder time hiding his secret life from his family.
Then - Monday - not only does he clock back into work - he clocks back into you.
I have laid in bed at night and daydreamed about what it would be like to have him to myself all of the time - how I would treat him so much better than the horrible nag he has at home. How I would be the love of his life and he the love of mine.
I could go on and paint a prettier picture - but I’m sure you already know what I’m saying.
The fact is, love - 99 percent of the time he is not going to leave his wife and stability for someone else! See - men see things as investments. He has invested years of his life, money, emotions, time — and so on into this woman and his family and his wife’s family and so on.
He has invested a few texts and conversations into you.
He has more to lose when he loses his wife - and I can assure you he sees it that way too!
I’m not saying he isn’t emotionally and sexually attracted to you - he prob. is. But the fact remains - you are fun on the side - you are an ‘idea’ of freedom to him.
You are his ‘break’ away from home.
With you he doesn’t have to worry about children, finances, health and all that other stuff that goes into a real marriage.
So, yeah he wants you in his life - prob because he is stressed or bored or feels unloved or unappreciated at home - but the fact remains he will not 99 times out of a hundred - leave his stable life for you or any other woman who can be his love on the side.
If he didn’t care in some way for his wife and family - he would have left before you arrived. He would have. You didn’t just show up and ta da he saw all that he was missing in life.
No offense to you. You are prob a wonderful woman. But, there is a wonderful man out there for you - and he doesn’t belong to another woman already.
Even if he did leave his wife and family for you - could you truly live knowing you are the cause of pain and heartache to a whole family.
These men who cheat on their wives - and even women who cheat on their husbands - all tell their side lovers how horrible their spouse is and paint a picture of dissatisfaction!
Makes me wanna gag.
Ladies - don’t play the pity party. They are men and they are playing your heart strings.
I was involved with a married man over a period of time who kept throwing me that bologna. The truth was - his wife really was psycho - yes she was. BUT - he had a house - a family - vehicles - bills - all together with her.
It was easier for him to care for me on the side and not have to deal with digging up the stability of his life.
Come to find out - he also had another girl on the side besides me and his wife. Who knows how many.
So, while I am building my life around a married man - giving him all of me and not even getting him in return - he was still going home and laying in the bed next to his wife - and sleeping with this other girl on the side - who he prob. told her the same sob story too.
Married men who roam outside their family - beware of them. They want their cake with a little hot fudge sundae on the side - and guess what ladies - the hot fudge sundae is you!
Don’t let yourselves be fooled. Even if he is sincere — he is sincerely married. Leave him along until he isn’t or open your eyes to the other men in the world.
June 7th, 2009 at 8:09 pm
First of all, you need not to put your total focus on this relationship, because it will drive you crazy. You have to remember that he has responsibilities with the home life and until he decides he cannot live a dual life, there is not much you can do about it.
So go out and have fun with friends, get a hobby, work out…and just be ready when he is there.
It is a test of surviving the emotional ups and downs that occur when you are involved with a married man.
June 9th, 2009 at 12:49 am
Please help! I have had a relationship with a married man for months. Same story but now he is really serious about leaving his wife … he was so jealous about me going to a black tie event with a date that he now wants to go; doesn’t care who finds out (several of his colleagues will be there), etc. Am I thrilled? Of course - am I afraid — 100%! My sensible side tells me to talk him out of coming with me; my heart wants him there, of course — I know right from wrong - I just can’t end this. Someone help!
June 9th, 2009 at 10:17 am
#265: Don’t fall for it. He’s not going to out himself in public with you. He’s only jealous of your date and is trying to get you to either go alone or not go at all. But I can guarantee you he’s not going with you. If he was really serious about leaving his wife he’d just do it rather than using that line to string you along.
June 13th, 2009 at 7:44 pm
TO JOANIE,
I want to print your e-mail and read it every day. It was two years in May and everything you said is right. He’s basically telling me to even move on because he can’t take the pressure anymore. From me, from her, from work. I have to move on but we work together. I know I put myself in this position and i am looking for new jobs. But things are bad out there and I’m eating a lot and not taking care of myself. I find it hard to put myself first which is probably the reason I would settle for a mm after so long. It’s nice to know i’m not alone and that there are women out there who moved on and put themselves first. How do i move on and look at him everyday??
June 14th, 2009 at 8:42 am
I’m sorry you have had to face such pain and heartache in this situation. Unfortunately, this is the way most relationships with a married man with pan out.
The truth is - it is hard. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do … maybe because when a woman becomes emotionally intimate with a man - married or not - there is such a deeply rooted attachment that occurs.
With a married man, not only is there a deeply rooted attachment, sometimes there is the excitement of ‘wow, he is choosing me over her,” or there is the excitement we might have felt in high school when our parents forbid we be with someone and we snuck around and did it anyways.
Do you remember those times? I do - It was absolutely exhilerating.
But, those of you who had that little romp of excitement doing what your parents said not to do …. I ask you this … Did anything productive ever come of the relationships you had to sneak around to be in? Anything good?
For me - the answer is no.
Those usually ended more dramatically - and then when the parents saw you so heartbroken and crushed - there came the I told you sos as well as the lack of trust from the parents because you went behind their backs. OR - you hid it altogether and had no one to confide in.
See, our high school years can actually teach us a lot about life. We are not so much different that we cannot still learn … are we?
See NONAME and any other woman listening …..
You have lost the true value of your worth! Think about that!
You are worth MORE than a phone call when no one else is around.
You are worth more than a text he send while he walks the dog or goes to the bathroom. Of which he will immediately erase as soon as he sends so he doesn’t get caught. And those sweet little somethings you send him - they are deleted too!
You are worth more than dinner at a restaurant you have to drive three hours to go to because he can risk being seen with you.
You are worth more than him ignoring you at work in front of others - and then wanting to grope you till the sun doesn’t shine right after you clock out.
You are worth more than him counting on you to be his oasis - yet finding no solace in him.
You are worth more than having to spend holidays knowing he is living the brady bunch life with his family - while you are doing misc. things to keep yourself busy.
You are worth more being the woman in the shadow - while all you really want is to openly walk down a busy street you are both familiar with - holding hands and glowing from the love and romance you feel!
You are worth a man who will not only be wonderful and caring to you - but one who will highlight those parts of you that were meant to shine!
You are worth a man that says to his friends, when he sees you, “Hey, there she is … isn’t she beautiful?”
You are worth a man who will want the whole world to know that you are his and he is yours - because he cares just that much!
You are worth the price of having peace about yourself and your life!
You are worth true love …..
Find the value of your worth!
Make up your mind - make your FINAL goodbye and DON”T turn back! Don’t call him in moments of weakness. Don’t answer his call in moments of loneliness. Don’t think “what if?” Say goodbye - get rid of anything you need to get rid of him, delete his number out of your phone, don’t take those side glances of him, don’t try to be just friends, don’t don’t don’t - think you can do any of these things and still succeed at saying goodbye.
You have to cut all ties - as hard as that seems.
Find some friends and keep yourself busy for a while - it will get easier! I promise!
June 14th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Well since I wrote the note a week ago Friday - my entire world crashed down with my MM. I got a long heartfelt email from him that Sunday morning - this never happened. This was usually only M-F. On Monday another wonderful email.. and later in the afternoon a long phone call.
On Tuesday his wife found out that he had been emailing me, calling me, seeing me on the side. We talked for along time that evening - both crying about this. He of course was crying that he had to do the right thing and get his life in order and that if he was going to change his life he had to do it in the right order.. leave his wife, morn the loss, then move on. He was worried for her well being as she is bi-polar and unstable.
Move ahead to Friday.. I have a huge fight with my separated husband. He is verbally and physically abusive to me. Really bad scene - took some hits from him. I escape with my kids and in a moment of weakness I txt my MM. He is very concerned. txt for 1.5 hrs about this - but he’s not coming to my rescue.. and I know that. Sat night he txts me to see if I’m ok. By not I am starting to come to terms that MM is gone. I am dealing with my ex - getting divorce process rolling. MM starts off texting really nice then asks if it would help me get over him if I hated him.. then he wants to tell me the “truth”.
He tells me this started out because he just wanted to play me. and that everything he had told me was a lie - had been married but divorced now and in a 3 yr relationship. That he’s a cheater and a bad person. That he broke it off with me because he started to feel something for me but knows I’m a good person and doesn’t want to hurt me anymore.
In my heart of hearts - I know the tail he told me last night is not true. He want’s me to hate him so I can move on quicker. But what he doesn’t know is that this has caused me to break - my spirit and my heart and now broken and I am lost. I have never been so depressed and upset. Will I heal - yes, but why is everything in my world falling apart? I am attractive, successful, fun, smart women. I know I deserve to be happy but it is so hard to get out of bed start over again.
June 14th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Your post was incredible. It has given me strength that I did not know I had. Thanks.
June 14th, 2009 at 11:58 pm
why was my entry removed?
I don’t understand.
I checked back for responses and my entry is completely gone.
Thant makes me sad. I found such solace here.
Can someone help me understand why?
“IDidItAllForTheNukki”
June 16th, 2009 at 9:00 am
i’ve spent half an hour entering my story and it’s not registered. i don’t really understand why. it’s done that to me a couple of times now but i’ll still keep trying. this site is so addictive and has become my life line. thanks you strong women. that post on being worthy was so true to this situation with a mm. blimey, sends quivers up my spine. sometimes i wonder whether i am scared of commitment, maybe that’s why i’ve attracted my situation.
June 16th, 2009 at 9:21 am
my mm is very creative, practical, emotionally in tune, gentle, giving, everything i want he makes sure i get it. he tells me i’m beautiful everyday, actually, so much that i wish he’d have a more extended vocabulary. his wife is dependent on him but i can see that he has encouraged a lot of that and i will not let that happen to me as well. i am wondering about the personality of these mm and whether they are all a similar breed (need to be needed) they can’t seem to be honest with themselves. they want the icing all the time and we are it. sometimes the icing gets sickly and you want more variety outside the bedroom. at least we are all pushed to be independent in our lives. we certainly can not depend on them to physically be there for us. is this making us stronger or preventing us from being in the real world?
June 16th, 2009 at 9:34 am
wondering if you have children?
i know what you mean when you say that everything in your world is
falling apart. . . this is what happens to me each time we have
needed the space from each other. He keeps me above water. i hope
you are ok. this bond is so addictive and life becomes like
death when there is silence because you are so used to getting
messages and phone calls from him. so use to being free for him.
it’s difficult to find something else to give you that same
satisfaction, love, or whatever you call it.
phone calls
June 17th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
I’ve been seeing my mm for 8yrs. The more i’m with him the more him the more i see a future with him. I found that we are very compatiable and we love fun and wild adventures. I truly believe that he loves me the same as I love him. I say whatever you did ladies to get them please whatever you keep it that and you won’t go wrong.
June 17th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
YEAH WE MAY ALL BE IN THE BOAT TO A CERTAIN DEGREE, BUT IF WE TOOK THE TIME TO GET KNOW OUR MM. WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE FOR OURSELVES IF ITS RIGHT FOR US NOT FALL IN LOVE AFTER HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST NIGHT. ALWAYS REMEMBER THE BEGINNING IS ALWAYS GOOD TRY ADDING SOME REAL TIME AND THEN SEE IF IT’S WHAT YOU WANT, AS OPPOSE TO WHAT THEY WANT. LADIES THE SECRET TO ALL OF THIS IS THAT MM SEEK COMFORT IN US BECAUSE SOMETHING AT HOME IS MISSING. THAT’S WHY I SAY IF HE DOESN’T MAKE THE FIRST MOVE ON YOU, TURN THE TABLES AND YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS, MAKE SURE THAT YOUR SEXUAL ESCAPADES SEND HIM HOME ON HIS KNEES. EVERY NOW AND THEN MAKE HIS FEMININE SIDE COME OUT. BE HIS BEST FRIEND, LISTEN AND TALK. GIVE HIM A HUG AND SHOW HIM IT’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT. REMEMBER MEN COME FROM A WOMEN SO KEEP THE BABY BOTTLE NEXT TO THE BED. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
June 18th, 2009 at 5:10 am
Those last couple of entries make me sick. Not only is it bad enough falling for a married man without trying, anne, your advice is to break up a marriage on purpose!
Yeah, things may not be great at home for a married man, BUT HE IS STILL MARRIED!
If everyone cheating when things got hard or ‘not as fun’ as they use to be, this world would be a very sick and sadistic place …. MORE than it is already.
Do you know how many marriages would work out if sick women who could say NO to a married man would get a little backbone and just do it?
And guess what,if those marriages didn’t work out …. then those men would be single and ready for the taking - clear and free.
Why? Why go onto turf that is not your own? Just for the excitement and grander of it all? Grow up ladies! Get a little sense! Back off the married man until he is not married! If it were really the man you wanted and not the excitement - you would!
Stop being so selfish and self-centered that you could totally dismiss and wife and children because you want to be happy! Of course he is telling you the wife is crazy and never cares about it - men play our hearts! Doesn’t mean it is true.
Even if it is - let it be. Go for one of the billion single guys out there.
Stop messing with marriages!
Do you think because the married man is the one who is cheating that you are innocent! NO NO NO! Please don’t wipe away your guilt! You are just as guilty and need to know that.
I know there are some women who fall for a man before she realizes he is married - that is a tough situation. But my goodness, to purposely try to get a man to cheat with you - what kind of sick, disgustic, self-centered harlot are you?
Those type of ‘females’ give women a bad name! Uhhhggg!
June 18th, 2009 at 11:05 am
hello ladies! ummmm “disgusted” why are even on this website?? did u have a situation like that? do u really think it’s that easy to say no when “him” is just what you think about every single day, every hour and every minute?? when a man cheats, there is something obviously wrong with that marriage and he’s not happy. and he is happy when with another woman. i started seeing my married man a year ago. i wanted him and i wanted to be happy with him. guess what? i am now happily married to him. YES - he left his crazy wife for me. do i feel guilty? NOPE! he made a decision, he made that step, and we worked to the same goal - HAPPINESS! guys who cheat on their wifes, already have zero respect for them. but since they think that they are stuck in that ugly marriage - they sometimes need a little push, support and help that would convince them that they are not going to be left alone, but will start a new life, a clean start with someone they love! so “digusted” everybody is entitled to his or her opinion, but you have never been in the situation, so don’t judge. in this world u have to be self-centered and selfish if u wanna get anywhere. YOUR happiness comes first!!! and whatever you can do to achieve a complete happiness - you have to do what it takes. Ladies - go ahead and push your guys. he needs to want the same thing as u, he needs u!! give him ultimatums, be strong - and then everything will fall in its place. Cheers
June 18th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
It’s painful to admit, but I have been seeing an unavailable man, secretly, for 8 months. I am 25 years old, he is 41, and he’s my manager at work. At first, I thought that he was kinda goofy, but his sense of humor always made me laugh. He made me feel good. We started flirting at work, and then the flirting became more graphic. He started calling me outside of work, and we’d talk for hours. We got together one night, because his wife was visiting family out-of-state. We made out for several hours…I honestly never thought that I would do something like that with him, but it happened anyway. He stopped calling me, and I was stupid enough to keep calling him. I yelled at him for treating me like his, “whore”. I told him that I wanted him to take me on dates and spend more time with me, but above anything else…I told him to leave his wife if she really made him so “miserable”. We grew apart and stopped seeing eachother…but the flirting started again. I couldn’t stay mad at him and I felt love-like feelings growing for him. He started calling, came to my apartment a few times…and we had sex. But it hurt me, because afterwards he just left to crawl back into bed with his wife. I felt used, disposable…like trash. He told me everything that I wanted to hear…how beautiful I was, how I had the best body…but it was all sexual. He never told me that he cared for me, or that he loved me…just that I made him feel good, and that I turned him on.
Ladies, don’t do this. EVER. You will have to live with the guilt, and the emptiness after your lover leaves you alone to sleep in the dirty sheets…and you cannot imagine how painful it is to love someone, and to wake up in the morning surrounded by the smell of their cologne…and he isn’t there. He went home to wifey.
June 19th, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Yes, I actually have been in a situation like all of these other ladies here.
Now, let me state, I was not bashing these ladies - if you read correctly, you would have seen I was directing my comments toward the entry Anne made.
I, just like these ladies, understand what it feels like to go through this situation. I was involved with a married man, whom I did NOT know was married.
When he told me, I was already hooked and just couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye. But, eventually, my guilt overpowered me.
I tried to ignore my conscience, I really did. But anytime I was with him or talking to him, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that I was the woman who was taking ‘daddy’ away from ‘mommy.’
So, Katrina, I have this to say.
I guess I am happy for you, that you have your married man Congratulations. You are now his wife. You are now on the other side of the fence.
But I can assure you that is NOT the way that most affairs end! If you go back and read 99 percent of these entries, it is a bunch of confused ladies who are feeling lonely and guilty with their married man.
Do those men sound like men who just ‘need a little nudge?’ No. To me, it sounds like men that want a little extra sugar on the side.
I was trapped too, Katrina. I really was. I was in LOVE with my married man. I was doing the high school day dreaming thing - planning the day we would be married and I could totally, completely, call him mine.
But, reality is something I am aware of. In reality, the time he was talking to me, was between his regular household/husband/father duties. I was ‘fit in.’
When we saw each other, we were at work. We would always go out after work. I didn’t realize we ‘never’ went out on just a regular day when we weren’t working.
He always wanted to come to my house …. or somewhere out of town. He took me to his house once, but we only were there long enough for him to run inside and get something.
Financially, he would buy me dinner and little things - but his finances were always ‘already being put toward something.’
He then told me he was married, but separated. He gave me the sad story. I ‘believed him’ but only because if I didn’t I couldn’t allow myself ot be with him.
Eventually we separated, and then a few years later, we started talking again. Needless to say, he and his wife were still together …..
He wanted to get back together. I wanted to get back together.
But, I couldn’t handle knowing this his lips were not just touching mine. His hands were going to be touching the body of his wife, not just mine. He would be sitting at the dinner table, in a happy little family, when I really wanted us to be a part of each other’s family. Then, at night, he would be laying next to his wife - and I can’t handle the tought of them actually making love.
Many men will say that nothing will be happening with their wife, but in my heart, I know that isn’t true.
My point - if the man really wanted to be single … he would be.
Your nudge, only 1 percent of the time, will make a difference.
AND, usually when children and finances are involved - you will never have your married man the way you want!
And as far as going out of your way to make a married man yours - even when he is not trying to be with someone else - that is what I call a trashy whore!
I understand mistakes h appen - but to do it on purpose - is trashy!
June 20th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
I agree with you Katrina, guys who cheat on their wives have nil respect:the marriage has already ended emotionally. thank you for sharing. You have encouraged me tremendously.
June 21st, 2009 at 9:26 pm
hang onto your hopes you strong women. i think, if you can keep on giving these mm the benefit of the doubt, they will come round. so much, so so much PATIENCE is needed on our part in this kind of relationship and at times you feel like your life is slipping away but if you’ve found love, true love, it’s worth hanging onto. good sexual chemistry is a rare thing as well. i find my body talks to his. Our patience will be rewarded. this relationship needs plenty of time and you can’t really begin it properly until they have left their wives. we cannot feel they are ours until they have left that part of their lives behind BUT THIS TAKES TIME for them to cut off all the ties, if things are to be done without much havoc. we are theirs, that’s the frustrating part but we can not give of ourselves completely until they let go. good luck peoples, this requires much positivity and hanging onto your hopes and dreams.
June 22nd, 2009 at 3:23 pm
You are seriously deluded if you think a married man is not still sleeping with his wife. He lies to her and he lies to you. Period. Such ignorance.
June 24th, 2009 at 9:08 am
1. Never forget the reality of the situation. He is married
These are the things that keep me sane with my mm of 5years
6. Don’t chase him, let him come to you.
8. Don’t settle with this. If you need or want more from a relationship go out and get it.
9. Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed, but you may be pleasantly surprised.
10. He isn’t committing to you, so don’t commit to him.
13. Never bring up something about you and he in the distant future. Planning for next week is fine, but planning that Spring vacation is taboo.
15. Be positive as much as possible.
18. Make the time that you have special.
i am satisfied for now.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:48 am
It has been three months I have been in a relationship with a married man. It is my first time.
Our beginning was amazing, love at first sight, and meeting again coincidently. I thought it was fate. I agreed to meet him. He told me he was divorced for 2 years, and has a daughter.
After the second month, when i spent a weekend with him at his place, I came across things that made me think he is with her. Just one dressing gown in his wardrobe. He told me it was there when he moved in, then said it was his sisters, and a recent picture of someone holding his daughter, at the same place he was at.
He decided to tell me he was married but separated for 1 year.
MORE LIES. I thought about it and decided to continue as i thought he is separated that long cos he has the intention of moving on. I was never comfortable inside - womens intuition should never be ignored!ever!
He went to his country for 2 weeks. In that time, unlike the first time when he was there for me all the time by phone and msn, it was difficult getting him to call or text me. I was upset cos i thought he was neglectful and not cos he was married.
He came back, saying his sister and daughter are here. I had a feeling it was his wife. I broke up with him telling him he is a liar and I cant continue if he is not honest.
He told me he was with her for these holidays but he is married by name and does not love her. For a stupid reason I am with him. I have been with single guys and they have never treated me like this one. MM is treating me like a princess, and I suppose thats what I am hanging on for. I also love him. I think he’s an amazing guy. I think about the lies and should hate them, but i justify by saying he wanted to protect me.
Now I am with him, knowing his wife lives away from him, I want to enjoy him and the great times we share. Im hopeful that if he is really unhappy in the marriage he will do what is right. But for now I am adjusting to this situation which is hurting, but i know without him will hurt more.
I am hopeful I can win his heart, but maybe i am stupid too.
I know I am doing it for revenge also. I want to accept what is happening to me and get strong and leave him when he so attached.
I only need advise on how to justify to him why i have decided to be with him knowing he is married - i dont want him to think i have no morals (sounds funny i know).
June 24th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Things that happened to me,,,
Ris~
Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
So here we go….. Things he said to me ..
“You are my True Love”,
“I never knew what love was before I met you”,
“I am going to move to America, I am coming to you.”
” It is You and Me and nothing else matters”
” I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife)”
“She (wife) ruined my life”
“You are perfect for me”
“You have everything”
“This is true love, you are the love of my life”
” I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009 ”
….Blah…blah….blah…
So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
..20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy
We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you
June 24th, 2009 at 6:08 pm
Things that happened to me,,,
Ris~
Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
So here we go….. Things he said to me ..
“You are my True Love”,
“I never knew what love was before I met you\”,
“I am going to move to America, I am coming to you”
” It is You and Me and nothing else matters”
” I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife)”
“She (wife) ruined my life”
“You are perfect for me”
“You have everythin\”
“This is true love, you are the love of my life”
” I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009 ”
….Blah…blah….blah…
So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
..20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters\’ college tuition along with room and board..
Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of \” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
He knew i hated that word \”OUR\” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ\’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not \”OUR\”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, \” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, \” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?\” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, \” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, \” You had the chance but you chose not to\” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, \” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.\” Are you F\’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy
We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It\’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that\’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v \’s look like a w ) I;m here for you
June 24th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Things that happened to me,,,
Ris~
Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
So here we go….. Things he said to me ..
“You are my True Love”,
“I never knew what love was before I met you”,
“I am going to move to America, I am coming to you.”
” It is You and Me and nothing else matters”
” I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife)”
“She (wife) ruined my life”
“You are perfect for me”
“You have everything”
“This is true love, you are the love of my life”
” I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009 ”
….Blah…blah….blah…
So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
..20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy
We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you
June 24th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Things that happened to me,,,
Ris~
Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
So here we go… Things he said to me ..
You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
Blah…blah….blah…
So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy
We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you
June 24th, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Things that happened to me,,,
Ris~
Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
So here we go… Things he said to me ..
You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
Blah…blah….blah…
So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters\\\’ college tuition along with room and board..
Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of \\\” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
He knew i hated that word \\\”OUR\\\” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ\\\’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not \\\”OUR\\\”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, \\\” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, \\\” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?\\\” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, \\\” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, \\\” You had the chance but you chose not to\\\” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, \\\” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.\\\” Are you F\\\’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy
We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It\\\’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that\\\’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v.s look like a w ) I;m here for you
June 24th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Things that happened to me,,,
Ris~
Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
So here we go… Things he said to me ..
You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
Blah…blah….blah…
So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy
We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan1@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you
June 24th, 2009 at 6:28 pm
Things that happened to me,,,
Ris~
Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
So here we go… Things he said to me ..
You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
Blah…blah….blah…
So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters college tuition along with room and board..
Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
He knew i hated that word OUR it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,,not OUR. he knew how to push my buttons..
In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now? Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied,You had the chance but you chose not to.(remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says,I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me. Are you Fn serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy
We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It\’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( thats what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan1@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v s look like a w ) I;m here for you
June 24th, 2009 at 6:32 pm
I AM SO SORRY IT POSTED SO MANY TIMES..IT SAID THERE WERE ERRORS SO I TRIED TO CORRECT THEM AND EACH TIME I TRIED TO POST I HAD THE SAME RESPONSE. SO I CORRECTED AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN…I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS CHANGING MY NAME.. I REALLY WANTED TO POST MY STORY… PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND THE MULTIPLE POSTS..
June 24th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
My email address was a typo.. here is my email address..
MVvillan1@yahoo.com
I understand my grammar and punctuation in my post were terrible.. I work graveyard, it’s 3:30pm and have not slept yet.. I just felt compelled to get my story out there as fast as i could.
June 28th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
it truly does suck. my mm makes excuses (protects) his wife at all costs but at the same time bitches to me about her. i feel like he is having his cake as well as the icing… it makes me withdraw from him. i wish i could get out of this one… i don’t have a clue how…
June 28th, 2009 at 10:43 pm
if you knew your mm was sleeping with his wife as well as you, what would you do?
June 30th, 2009 at 7:10 am
I am not pleased with the change in format with this site and will no longer be using it as it is an invasion of peoples privacy when an email is required… The power of this site has been the confidentiality needed for such a relationship.
June 30th, 2009 at 11:24 am
Dear Peter Pan,
You’ve done so much for me. You’ve been right there when I needed someone to communicate with: to share with. You’ve been there to share my ups and downs. You’ve followed my every move. You know me inside and out. I’ve given you everything of my soul but having done this, I am grieved that you think you can just go into my email whenever you like. You know all about my finances and moves.
I have at times got the impression that you are hanging around and doing so much for me because you think you will eventually get some of my money one day. I think this because you told me that you chose to stay in Neverland with Tinkerbell because YOU THOUGHT she had money coming to her and you thought you’d hang around in case you were paid for looking after her/sticking it out for her. “It’ll prove whether she puts me before her offspring” you said. Or whether you think she loves you enough to give you some of her inheritance. You’re hanging around her for what you can get!
When I first met you, I admired your diligence, your energy, your passion, your spontaneity but now, I see none of this. You are just like my last bastard. You sleep or drown away your sorrows when the pressure hits instead of seeking resolve or thinking that you may be the problem.
You also told me that you chose to stay with Tink in fear of it looking like you are a deserter. Well, sorry, but you are… You may appear as though you are staying out of love but it spells out loud and clear to others who are connected to you, especially Tink in some way that really, you are in it for some sort of gain.
You can’t cope with pressure. You crumble when you are faced to deal with your lies.
You eliminate your stresses instead of handling them.
You avoid mistakes or suffering instead of learning from them.
You are a lost boy who never grew up. You cling to others for your security. You ask me to be gentle with you when you’re under pressure when all I’m doing is speaking my mind. You’re protecting yourself from pressure because your fear of what “might” happen is stopping you from growing.
HOW MANY PEOPLE GET PASSED THEIR FEARS AND MOVE ON? HOW MANY PEOPLE GET STUCK IN THEIR FEARS AND REMAIN THERE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN THAT PREVENTS THE AWESOME VIEW THEY COULD HAVE A SHARE IN?
You give me plenty of little things: you get me credit for my phone when you know I’m out. You give me flowers when you think you’re loosing me which is sweet but fear moves you more than love. You take every opportunity to give to me. WHY? Surely it can’t be out of pure love? You say it is. It spells loudly to me that you do things to secure your future that you’ll have someone to LOOK AFTER YOU when you are old. You need someone to live off: to derive your energy from.
You live through the fun of others without developing your own source of enjoyment and your own friends; you make my friends and family your own.
I am angered by your weak indecisiveness. You leave it to me to cry out “I need time out”. You’ll never recognise when you do, but then you almost make it sound like you’ve said it for yourself. You rob me in so many ways. You’ve had three years to make a decision and you’ve hesitated. You make a million excuses to why you can’t leave yet and all the things you need done or finished in order to leave. The excuses you give go on for years. Why is it taking so long if you have a resolve to leave, you’d be quicker than that, surely? You lie to me and I find out months later when the story changes. Why can’t you tell me the truth at the time? It’s fear. Fear is the root of all your poor choices and now you need to live with those poor choices. Look where fear has gotten you? You tell me always to trust in the good but you don’t yourself.
I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TRUST THAT YOU WON’T DO THE SAME TO ME AS YOU’VE DONE TO YOUR LAST FAIRIES’… DUMP THEM FOR ANOTHER WHEN THEY CEASE TO GIVE YOU OF THEIR ENERGIES OR WHEN THEY REFUSE TO ALLOW YOU TO LIVE THROUGH THEM.
I feel sick to the core at the thought of how he has his hands on everything in my life. He said to me once: I wish you didn’t have court and I’m sure it was because it was one area he could not take over and be my hero.
At times I feel he’s using me to make his own relationship with Tink better. I think that I may be keeping him with her because he has a cushioning effect with me in the picture: he has an escape: a release point. It frustrates me that he does not know his own mind. I can’t understand if you’re not enjoying where you are or who you’re with, how can you stay there? You say she’s the abuser but I think it’s you who’s controlling her under the blanket of love.
I always use to think his view of the world was so much bigger than mine but he just wants to trap all the people he knows and have them in a place where they’ll always be at his beck and call, ready for him to rescue them.
At first I was impressed that he even bothered with my life and amazed at his facility with answers. He knew so much. How did he ever get to be such an expert in living?
He says all the right words….it gave me so much hope but then I began to wonder, why is it that for all his apparent compassion I felt worse instead of better after he’d said his piece?
He’s depending on me to teach him about himself. I feel like I’m carrying him at times. This can’t be. He’s weighing me down. I can’t go at the pace I want to. He makes me his only one but he has many when I disappear. I have not a life, he has. He wants a secret life. no commitment.
You see me, you hear me, but you do not understand me as much as you try and convince me that you do. You have no idea of the pressures of direct family life in a dysfunctional situation.
He likes to be where the stories are and once my life dies down, he’ll be off where the excitement is.
He steals all my happy places and makes them his own. I do the hard work; he comes in and robs the friendship under my cover. Bastard.
I am more and more, especially as I get my space and distance, feeling used for his purposes. He fits me into his short gaps during the day or weekend in between spending time with tink.
He always finds something to keep us in contact to guarantee a next meeting. It’s all for his own good. It’s all for his own needs. He doesn’t really care for my welfare. He pretends he does because I provide his sexual needs. He loves me for his own needs. Love goes much further than a partner and sex.
I feel I’ve gone as far as I can go (reaching my limits). Now it’s interfering with me big time. I do love him as a friend. I don’t think I’m in love with him. How can I even go there when he still has a life with tink? one that he rarely ever shares with me, one that I know nothing about. He knows everything about me. I wish I were a fly on his home walls. He could tell me anything and there’s no way of knowing whether he’s telling me the truth.
I hate the way he does whatever I want him to. He doesn’t have a mind of his own. He is a chameleon. He becomes whatever his environment is. He is too predictable. I need more of a challenge.
I hate the way he steals my family’s hearts. He sees it as his job to tell them that I’m ok, under the cover of friendship… This is my support and he’s right in there.
Its all lies that he still remains with tink and expects to make love with me.
I dream about him coming over and wanting me for his own. I dream about him pouring out his soul to me. I dream about the day when he crashes on me. What annoys me is that he’s always happy. Life’s shit for me but he’s always happy.
i said i’d never wait on another man, not ever.
I use to love him more: so much more when I believed that he was going to leave Neverland and come back with me. We were going to have such a special life together. Now it’s ruined. Now it’s simply a false hope. He’s never going to leave. He’s going to wait until he has to and that’s bullshit because it won’t be his own decision. He waits until he falls into it. He imitates not initiates.
He’s not a winner as I use to see him as. Too much water has gone under the bridge. It’s too late. My love for him has died. I see him too much like my ex. Coming home and going to sleep. He can cook, he can clean up after himself and others, he can clean up the lawn, he has shown himself very capable but I think this is just a show. Once he has me where he wants me, destroyed my independence, he will go and find another beautiful needy girl to dig his roots in.
I am in need of women who understand me and what I’ve really been through. I am continually going against my boundaries. How can I ever share this with anyone?
I’m not ready to take on another’s emotions. I am here for my children. We can go wherever we want, at whatever time we want. I can leave the house in the biggest mess. I am answerable to no one. I don’t have to explain my moves or say where I’m going to no one. Adults should not need adults in the same way as children need adults.
Can any of you women relate to this or am I simply mad?
June 30th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
I find this site really interesting.
I have a live in BF for almost 3 years now, i was really in loved with him until i cough him cheating on me. The night that I want to talk to him and sort things out he was asleep, i was really depressed. Its like he doesn’t care of what am going through. I went out to meet a friend and there I met a guy a married guy.He knows my situation with my BF. he asked for another night out and become 3 nights in a row party with friends the 3rd night I kissed him, he is married with two kids, he said he is in love with me. it was magic, I’m so in love with him until, I cant leave my BF yet until he leaves his wife. My BF is like my best friend and he feels that I’m drifting away from him, he is changing he is giving me the attention, love and loyalty. But I was deeply hurt and I cant bring back the feelings again, maybe because I have a secrete relation with the married man, it so foolish of me to think that he will really leave his wife and be with me firmly..I still do now, I gave him a time frame, 3 months from now until his work is sort out and his family move out of the country he said that is a perfect timing to tell his wife that he is not in love with her anymore. Now I feel really unfair with my BF but in the back of my head there’s an anger that he cheated on me I was loyal to him if I leave him he deserve it. But should I do, every time im with my BF its always that married gay in my mind. I love him and i think we are destiny to be together. But some time reading other people story I don’t see hope… I still love my BF but not as much I am in love with the married man.
June 30th, 2009 at 10:37 pm
IM SO TIGHT BUT RELIEVED THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY WOMAN THAT IS DEALING WITH A MAN WHO (I THINK) IS MARRIED. ( YES IM NOT SURE) BUT U TELL ME WHT U WOULD THINK IF U WAS DEALING WITH A GUY WHO HAS A “GIRLFRIEND” WHOM HE HAS TWO KIDS WITH AND LIVES WITH HER IN A HOUSE. ANYWAY IVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH THIS MAN FOR 5 YEARS NOW!!!!! AT FIRST I DID NOT LIKE HIM I THOUGHT HE WAS ANNOYING LOL. TO TELL U THE TRUTH I DIDNT START FEELING HIM UNTIL LAST MONTH. IVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH HIM B/C HE IS SO MUCH FUN TO HANG OUT WITH AND I NEVER HAVE TO DISH OUT ANY MONEY. HE ALSO TELLS ME HE LOVES ME AND ONE TIME I TRIED TO CUT HIM OFF BUT HE SHOWED UP TO MY HOUSE WITH FLOWERS
I AM SO OPEN AND THATS NOT A GOOD THING…….. IM JUST WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS NO KIDS AND ISNT MARRIED OR GOTTA GURL TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND TAKE HIS DAMN PLACE CAUSE I DNT WANNA BE HIS FRIEND LOVER ANYMORE!!!!!!
July 1st, 2009 at 8:34 pm
that’s interesting Amber because at first, i did not like my mm who i’ve been with for years now but he was fun and a feel good person to be around, exactly what i needed coming out of an extrememly abusive relationship myself. you say I’ve been putting up with him… that sounds familiar…these mm seem so immature and behind in life. i can’t understand why i am still with him… what is it that is keeping me… am i only putting off the day when i’ll have to face my own crisis, will he end up stealing all of my independence until i am a boring person and then he find another soul to steal from… i dont think it is a good thing to be too open either because they can use your honesty/goodness to their advantage. they are never as open as us and i’m sure learn from our openess but they don’t ever give us as much as we give them emotionally. that flowers thing… yeah… whenever i become aloof from him and don’t dote on him, like he likes, he senses it and presents cut flowers at my door. what is it with these men? do they think that we are so dumb?… i’d rather get no flowers than flowers that say, please don’t leave me… that is fucked. thanks for your imput.
July 1st, 2009 at 10:25 pm
This site gives me the strength to be real to my mm. he is in dreamland when it comes to me and i dont feel like i’m in this world at times. he brings out things in me that nobody ever has - not always healthy. we are women who are surviving in this world and need to be proud of ourselves for getting where we are in life. a mm is a real weight. we don’t need someone to keep us all to themselves and expect us to be there at their beck and call. i am dealing with big struggles in that area today and as i have nobody else to talk to about this, because of it’s condemned image in society, i am really thankful for this site where all you women share your experiences in this field. it’s so nice to know I’m not alone….
July 2nd, 2009 at 11:54 am
the wifee is calling me.. idk what to do.. i’m underaged!!!
July 3rd, 2009 at 5:00 am
God, how old/young are you? i have recieved three phone calls over 5years from the wifee… i played dumb and lied, like my relationship with the mm is a lie anyway so everything around that needs to be a lie too… it’s up to you what you do… it’s in your court if she is ringing you. you have the Power to keep or destroy… good luck
July 3rd, 2009 at 11:29 pm
I\\\’ve been dating a \\\”mm\\\” for a couple months now. I\\\’ve been reading several articles on dating married men, most ones discouraging having the relationships at all.
I never expected to fall in love with him, it started out as friendly discussions about music and our lives. But now both of us are completely in love, and I know that all rationality says I shouldn\\\’t be doing this but I am. He has told me anything I want to know about his personal life, including all the childhood trauma stories. I have told him over and over I don\\\’t want to hurt him or his family, and he doesn\\\’t either. He certainly doesn\\\’t plan on hurting his family for me, and I completely understand that.
All that being said, he\\\’s the best boyfriend/love I\\\’ve ever had. He says he wants to raise my standards for when I do get an actual boyfriend; we both know that I will continue to be scoping the dating market and that we will have to stop seeing each other if I do begin a committed relationship. But it\\\’s so hard to imagine losing someone I\\\’m so deeply in love with…