My Secrets for Dating a Married Man

March 26, 2007 by cybergwen  
Published in Dating

This is my list of how to date someone that is married and keep your sanity and also, how to make him yours!

  1. Never forget the reality of the situation. He is married. At the end of the day, he goes home to his wife and you sleep alone.
  2. Take things as they come, don’t ever press for answers or change.
  3. Don’t cut yourself off from the dating world. If someone catches your eye and he is available, go for it.
  4. Never make ultimatums that you don’t intend to follow through on.
  5. Share with someone that you trust. It can be very isolating because of the inherent secrecy and people’s judgments.
  6. Don’t chase him, let him come to you.
  7. Do not become a stalker. You gain nothing by driving by his house and the like.
  8. Don’t settle with this. If you need or want more from a relationship go out and get it.
  9. Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed, but you may be pleasantly surprised.
  10. He isn’t committing to you, so don’t commit to him.
  11. Never judge his wife, you are not in her shoes and you don’t know her side.
  12. Don’t get pregnant or fake a pregnancy in order to force change.
  13. Never bring up something about you and he in the distant future. Planning for next week is fine, but planning that Spring vacation is taboo.
  14. Become a good listener and that includes noticing body language.
  15. Be positive as much as possible.
  16. 16. Never, never push.
  17. Don’t ask questions that you may not like the answers too.
  18. Make the time that you have special.
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1,482 Responses to “My Secrets for Dating a Married Man”
  1. Lily Says:

    I agree with you. The cheating husband wants his cake and eat it too. Well, why not you as well, have your cake and eat it too! I agree with see him but see others, he is NOT committed to you, you don’t have to commit to him. I have never dated a married man, however, right now I am considering one man. AND will not commit to him but will enjoy the moment and face what comes with dignity.

  2. wow Says:

    I have dated married men my entire adult life (20yrs plus) and well lets just say its a good thing cause i dont have to be committed to any body so for all of those who thinks its wrong try it you may like it

  3. trying Says:

    Marriage doesn’t have the meaning it did 20 years ago as the dynamic of relationships evolves. This is really good advice in a world where no one wants to admit that this situation is becoming commonplace.

  4. Laurie Says:

    I am in a relationship with a married man and it
    is the worst thing I ever did. I will never do
    this again. They cheat on their wife and they will
    cheat on you. Please never stoop so low because
    that is how you will feel after time.

  5. Alisa Says:

    I’ve just split up with a married man. We have been dating for 1,5 year. It was great. I didn’t know about this pieces of advice but tried to behave according to them. I promised myself not to wait for him.. not to push.. not to cry when he is going home.. not to fall in love. Now, they are in the middle of divorce – not because of me, but because of her. She decided to start a new chapter in her life, without kids and husband. But our relationship’s got worse.. maybe because I’ve fall in love. I know he is the one. But I can not be any longer an entertaining cake. I’ve been depressed. Now he is telling he is not ready for a relationship. He asked me to wait a bit.. maybe a year, maybe longer.. I understand. But I’m not going to wait! In the name of what? In the name he will decide in one year time he is still not ready?! I’ll take my time. It’s not easy to get what you want outside, even there are many men, who are trying to pick you up.. I’ve already managed to spoil 3 relations.. because of being in love in the only one.. I’m not going to waste any more time. I said I quit. And it’s not fair to make me stay if he doesn’t want me! I have a feeling he may cheat me as he cheated his wife.. I’m afraid there’s no future for affairs. Let them be short and sweet. Let them die when they still full of excitement, colors, passion..

  6. confused Says:

    I am in a relationship with a married man. He tells me that he has never met anyone he loves as much as me but that he cannot leave his wife because he has small children. He used to say a year, then he said two years and now he is unsure. So, as it becomes apparent that he is using me, all in the name of love, I am confused. When I try to break it off, he swears that he loves me more than anything in the world. I feel stupid for falling for this and alone because I really care about him. I will never tell his wife because I can’t imagine causing her that kind of pain. I never wanted to hurt her, I just fell in love with him. I am really struggling to have the strength to break this off. This is not love. This is not worth it. If you are thinking about doing this…just don’t.

  7. WendyB Says:

    I have never dated a married man before now. Before our actual date we had several email, text and phone conversations in which he always seemed excited to have. This went on for weeks. Now since the date everything dropped off. Only one response to how hot and great he thought I was. On the date I pretty much laid out that I thought it would be more of a sexual than emotional relationship. Mostly because he’s married, but also because that would simply be better for me right now. He seemed fine with it. But after the date – which was great – I have heard very little from him. A post-date flirty email and that was it until I sent another to say hello, which he responded to by saying he liked being with me.

    My question is: did I misread the attraction? I thought the whole point was to have someone to have fun with on the side. Did my saying that what I really wanted was more of a sexual relationship turn him off? Is it possible that he wanted more from me emotionally? Should I have let him set the standards without stating my desires? His distance now seems strange for someone who was clearly attracted to me and enjoyed my company.

    I read your rules and I don’t plan on contacting him first again. But what do these guys really want? Sex or emotional attachment? Isn’t emotional attachment what the already have with their wives? I’m not looking for love, I’m looking for fun and thought married men would make that easier. Is that no true?

  8. anonymous Says:

    i started dating a married man seven months ago. it’s all fun and games til your sitting at home by yourself on christmas and easter sunday. talk about a lesson in humility. nothing like spending all the major holidays by youself while he has his cake and eats it too. and married men are the worst at guilt trips. why is it that i should be so damn appreciative that he makes so much time for me. “MAKES TIME,” are you serious? a man should WANT to be with a woman not have to “make time,” for her as if she is some tedious, pain in the ass, task. cheating married AND seperated men make me sick.

  9. Do Not Do It! Says:

    I have been with a married man for 9 months. It took me 1 1/2 months before we had sex, after that the L word was flying. I’ve know him for 17 years and he is a very good man with a big heart, very giving and now…very hard to give up. There has been no dates or promises made to him getting a divorce, but over New Years asked me to have patience and to wait. So how long will that be?? How long do you wait? How long do you torture yourself? You feel like a dog chasing his tail. Its a dead end road ladies. If your contemplating it PLEASE don’t do it. It has heartache written all over it. If your in it already pray and ask God to help you find the strength to leave the situation behind you. It’s not worth it. There is a good man out there that is Single. You deserve 100% not 50% or less.

  10. anon Says:

    I’m considering dating a married guy. Before we even started flirting he was talking to other mutual friends about leaving his wife and says he plans to do that within the next two months. In the past couple days we’ve had a couple dates and a very nice kiss. I’m embarrased that I’m allowing myself to go there. Fortunately, he is the one insisting that we wait to consummate our relationship until he’s filed for divorce.

    more layers…he’s also 20 years older than me and his oldest child and I are the same age. He’s very close to his children and worried about how they would feel about him dating someone so young. But the connection, the chemistry and concern we have for each other is undeniable. I’m impressed that he’s asked me to wait for sex. But I’ve never been the other woman and have serious reservation about taking on that role right now. thanks to you all for having someplace to go and get support and advice about such a secret situation.

  11. Always keep it in perspective Says:

    So I’ve dated married men in the past. The first was when I was 24 and I fell totally in love – moved across the country too. He made all the promises and I was naive enough to believe them. Actually, that was the first and only time I’ve ever truly been in love. Then I met a man who was literally on his way out the door of his marriage. He had is own place and everything looked just fine – the house they had together was up for sale and she knew about me. But when he went over to sign the papers – well, he couldn’t do it. I got a call from her that evening telling me I was crazy if I were to believe for a moment she would allow him to give her up. Luckily, I didn’t fall in love with this guy but I did give him a black eye the next time we crossed paths.

    After talking to a counselor I finally understood the first affair – he was 12 years my senior, very distinguished and had a strong character – obviously looking for someone to fill the void my father left. The second guy was more or less seperated but in reality that’s just a different state marriage for someone who is wanting to see if greener pastures really do exist. Both of these men I pushed and cried and whined and begged just thinking if I could be what they wanted me to be they would want me. Sounds crazy but that’s the truth and I was miserable the whole way through.

    Listen, the aforementioned advice is well versed. Don’t wait for him to leave his wife and accept the fact you are in a relationship with someone who under no certain terms can offer you commitment at this moment. Sure go ahead and enjoy him, laugh, kiss, have sex, say “I love you” but always keep your senses about the whole thing. Remember, you choose to be in this situation and you can remove yourself if you so desire. He is the lucky one for having the opportunity to spend a moment in your world.

  12. Lady Says:

    It hurts to be dating a MM. knowing you are on the losing side yet struggling to maintain your dignity. Its a dead end route. Enjoy and keep a clear head, remember theres no tomorrow. or just walkaway if feelings are building up inside ourself.

  13. contemplating... Says:

    I’m seriously thinking of dating a married man. He is my best friend of 7 yrs. We love each other, but he has 2 kids and is not sure if he should divorce. He says he married her for the wrong reason (because she was pregnant) and wants out. But I’m not sure if he has the guts to leave. I’ve been practicing the steps that are outlined in this article, but I’m not sure if I want to actually pursue him. Furthermore, he talks about us being together in the near future. I don’t bring it up, I let him. If anyone could give me their take on my situation, it would be much appreciated. I plan to see him next weekend. Would sex be crossing the line. Should I stray away from talking about us??

  14. just_left_married_man Says:

    I am fresh out a relationship with a married man and I feel good, better than I’ve felt in months. It feels good to leave while he begs me to come back. I still have my dignity which you’ll no doubt lose if you cling to their empty promises. His wife may not be good in bed, may not show him much appreciation, but they have HISTORY and if applicable, children together so nope, he won’t leave.

    You’re worth much more than second best, which is exactly what we are when we stay in a relationship with a married man. Don’t be the side dish, a good man who’ll love you may be passing by. I have felt guilty in the past. No matter how much he say he loves you, the fact of the matter is, he’s going right home to lie in her bed after you give him your body. That makes a woman feel lower than low. You’re giving him all of you and what do you get in return? Nothing but sex and empty promises. Go for #1 position, you’ll never be #1 where a married man is concerned. No matter what he says you are being USED.

  15. Woman Says:

    I am dating a married man, but we have not had sex yet. I am intrigued by the notion of a married man because I am independent, don’t want to change my life too much, but still want some easy going romance. I am concerned that if I sleep with him I will fall in love with him and end up with a broken heart. I’ve never been wired for casual sex; going to bed with a man has always been a big step toward moving forward in a relationship for me. Fortunately, he’s not pushing for it and we’re waiting until we both feel right about it.

    What I am trying to make sure I understand is that if we love one another, sleep together and enjoy each other’s company, I will still be able to see the relationship for all that it really is, just a finite, limited relationship with virtually no possibility of marriage. On the other hand, I don’t necessarily believe that marriage is the be-all-end-all of happiness. If we can just love and respect one another and maintain perspective of what this relationship is — and never will be –, perhaps we can both be very happy with what we have. I hope so, but I’ll keep you posted if anything changes.

  16. Icici Says:

    I’m young, independent, and unromantic. I don’t want to fall in love or have a relationship. I want someone who is very busy so I don’t have to spend too much time with them. Married men fit the bill perfectly and I’m not going to apologize, nor do I go looking for them. Do it if you won’t fall in love.

  17. what was i thinking Says:

    I never intended to date a married man either. Never wanted to, always wanted my own guy. I didn’t and still don’t want someone looking at me with those eyes that have so much (seemingly) behind them, then think that maybe he’s giving someone else that same look. Never knowing exactly what’s going on at home, if he’s telling the truth that they don’t get along, that they haven’t slept together in months. Because there’s always the chance that they are getting along today. But it happened. I resisited at first. Told him all the reasons why I didn’t want to get involved. Everything I told him that day still rings true. I bring it up everytime we hit an inpass.
    1. You’d be too easy to fall for.
    2. You don’t need this in your life if you already have issues.
    3. I don’t want to be a secret.
    4. It’d be more trouble than it’s worth.
    5. I don’t want to hurt her, or me or you.
    …on and on and on.
    But then he said to me, “don’t you think you should do what makes you happy”.
    And that has apparently been my excuse for the past 6 months. He does make me happy. He can read into my heart like I’ve never experienced. He wears his heart on his sleeve. I have started falling in love… I think I actually am. BUT…I talked to him yesterday, and it’s the same story. I told him I wouldn’t be in this situation in six months. I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror if I had to say, I’ve been dating a married man for a year and I love him to boot. He thought that sounded like an ultimatum. I told him it really wasn’t, that I was just letting him know where I stood. Just like he let me know he couldn’t be on a time frame. It’s funny how you hear about this kinda thing and think, what’s that girls’ problem, doesn’t she know what’s going on, but when it’s you and the man you love, it’s a totally different situation. Love is love, and love can be blind–or just what you want to see.

  18. Anonymous Says:

    I am going out with someone married. we met in college even tho it was his last year there and he’s been married 2.5 years. he told me in jnuary his wife wanted divorce but they would wait until she gets her green card in november. meanwhile, hes asking me to wait an dbe patient. i love him so much, hes the first man i had sex with and he hasnt told me that he loves me, he says its hard for him right now and he still ahs feelings for his wife, but that he has feelings for me.
    its a torture to be waiitng for him to call or write to me . he says hes busy and cant talk online when she’s home and we can’t have long calls. it hurts so much at night to think hes back home with her, even tho we slept together for about 8 months. i cant go see him until the divorce things gets settled, and now hes not even sure hes getting divorced cause things are working out with his wife again. its very painful and im trying so hard to breka things up with him, but i dont have the strenght nd i love him so much. im an idiot to think we’ll actually meet up whenever he gets divorced (if at all) and we’ll start a relationship

  19. Here today Says:

    I am intrigued by #16’s comments. I have been in love with someone for 3 years, going on 4. It was an intense, mutual attraction from day 1. Although we are very close, we have never been physically intimate yet because he is married and we are well known in the community. His wife and I are also “friends” but not close. I like her and I would never want to ruin her marriage or hurt her. I have a great deal of admiration and respect for this man. I know he is not happy in his marriage, because he has said this much, in public. But he is reluctant to hurt his family by abandoning his wife or having an affair. I know he is lonely or he would not be seeking me out for friendship, companionship, soul-mate type sharing of our deepest feelings, fears, and dreams.

    Sounds corny and headed for disaster, I know. I am a very beautiful, educated, professional. I have had many offers for other dates and relationships with single men. But no one makes me feel the way he does. I have resolved that I will live the rest of my life alone if I cannot be with him.

    Sure,sounds silly and like a hopeless romantic. Believe me, I have been around and around, testing myself, judging myself, should I move on or stay? The answer is always, stay. Someone that special is worth waiting for, and even if there is no future, the precious times we enjoy together are worth it.

    Yet we are all human and we have emotions and needs, and sometimes a spouse cannot meet all of your needs. It is your guilt and compassion that keeps you there. And your being human that makes you want more. If a couple is truly in love and they respect one another, and refrain from sex to keep things “clean” I think they are to be commended. After all we are human and we don’t know why we fall in love. When we find it, it is a rare and beautiful experience, as long as no one is getting hurt, why not appreciate the time you have together? Life is short and special people don’t come along every day. Who are we,to judge others? We don’t know how they hurt in an unhappy marriage, their feelings of being torn between their children, spouse and their lover?

    I know couples who started out as an affair and ended up happily married when everyone finally found their strength to admit the truth. It is not easy and not all are happy endings.

    I say, do not miss the chance to love as long as no one is getting hurt. As for your own pain, don’t expect too much and you will never be disappointed. Pain is not from loving too much, pain is from jealousy and feelings of abandonment. Get your own issues taken care of, live a full and rich life, take care of yourself first and all else will fall into place when the timing is right.

  20. TAK Says:

    Girls out there, my advice is, NEVER, I SAY, NEVER get urself involved with a married man. Love is like fire in the bush, once you start it, its hard to control. I met this young, handsome man who immediately told me he is married. I vowed never to entertain him, but then he started calling now and again and before i even knew it i had already started falling in love. Now i just love him and am not even so sure how to leave him. We are just so close. We spend 95% of our time together. Even the wife has started admitting that, thats the way the husband should live.The more i love him, the more i have jealous over him. I usually want to be with him every second. I am just in love BUT i really want to stop this. I dont know how. Please if there are women there who are about to fall for a married man, DONT try, YOU will regret. There are there BUT they dont want any commitment.
    REMEMBER: If he is cheating his wife with you, he will definately cheat on you.

  21. crazy Says:

    #17 sounds like we are with the same man…..except we have been physical together 2 years and have been in love for 11 years. I hear all the same stories….”don’t you think you should do what makes you happy?” “the heart loves when the heart loves and we cannot control who our hearts love.” “life is so short to not be happy.” He cries when I try to leave him, when I try to give up on this and begs me to wait for our life because we will always be together. My heart hurts each night as we say good night. I just sit and pray for guidance and strength to make the right decisions. Last of all, I pray for forgiveness.

  22. i can only be me Says:

    i have been in a relashonship if thats what u call it with a married man for two years we didnt spend much time together at the begining it was once a week or month now we are together everyday i get holidays and birthdays i even get some nights we get along great i love him so much ive never told him that and alot of your tips are so true he has never told me he was gonna leave her we kinda have an understanding i guess thats what you call it i never talk about his wife or ask questions about them the other day i met her for the first time and seen what she looked like and wonder to myself why he cheats on her and seeing her and being around her was kind of weird he owns a bussines and i was up there doing a project for him and she came to bring him lunch i knew it was her because ive been in her car severl times i never thought we would be face to face like that and being the other woman really suckd at that moment because reality set in that hell never be just mine

  23. contemplating... Says:

    I posted earlier that I was contemplating dating a married man. Well I wouldn’t call us dating. I’m not sure what we are. I am sure that I am done with his bull…I guess I’m just not cut out for this type of relationship. I need more attention and he just can’t give me that. Not because of his wife, they are pretty much separated, but because he obviously doesn’t want me or her. He doesn’t want a relationship with anyone period. He’s getting a divorce and I’m not willing to wait around for him to settle down with again. I kindof lost site of rule#6. Let him come to you. I honestly didn’t think I was chasing. Maybe I sent one too many text messages. Lol. Either way I’m letting it go. I have someone who actually cares about me and if my so called bestfriend of 7yrs (the married man)cared half as much he would be more attentive. It’s truely sad that I’m being forced to not only end this affair, but also our friendship. I haven’t said anything to him about this. Does anyone think I should tell him that I want to end the affair and our friendship?

  24. who me??? Says:

    Well, I have been dating a married man for about 6 months. I too wait by the phone, wonder what he is doing and would like more of his time. He has been married for 30 years and his wife is not interested in this amazing man any longer. If he leaves now, he will be forced to give up half of everything he has worked for, she has never worked outside of the home so, he would take care of her because he is a good guy and beleive it or not I understand that. I see how this works and how who I am at 40 is not who I was 20 or 30 when I was married. I have a career and can keep myself busy so he is not my whole life. My problem is that, I am making a sacrifice for us to be together and if I thought he cheated on my…….it would break my heart

  25. SadSally Says:

    Never date a married man. They lie to you and their wife – wanting to have the best of both worlds. i.e. the life of a single man and the pleasures of being married. They will tell you anything you want to hear to keep you available for sex outside of their marriage. They love the thrill of keeping such a big secret from their family. It can be an adrenaline rush for some guys. I finally wised up after dating a married man that I dearly loved for 2 years – waiting and waiting for him to finally decide that I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. It never happened. Ironically, his wife found out about us right after I broke up with him, and she has kicked him out and wants a divorce. But even if he begged me to come back I wouldn’t do it now. I don’t want to be his last choice.

  26. ss Says:

    Ive been seeing a married man for about 8 months. its honestly the best sex ive ever had in my life thats why i cant stop. i love spending time with him, im so happy. in some sick way i wish he would admit he has feelings for me but he never would. im so tired of waiting around and always wondering what hes doing or even if hes seeing other girls! its so wrong but i cant let go. i know deep down what i have to do but the words just dont come out when i want them too.

  27. Simone Says:

    My story echos all the other postings. I can’t believe that there are women out there who share the same story as I. I wish I had the strength to leave my MM. He consumes so much of my life. Also, he is many years my senior, therefore he is also a father to me. I believed the lies–the divorce is coming right after he sells this and that, or “soon baby we’ll be together”. I know in my heart it won’t happen but I can’t seem to pull away. I take advantage of all the trips to Europe, the money, the sweet letters but ultimately I sleep alone while he sleeps with his wife in there beautiful condo in Manhattan. Oh yes of course he thinks about me while we’re apart–yeah right! For any girl out there interested in a MM, please re consider. This is such a slippery slope-more like quicksand and if you are not strong it can consume you. I have tried to walk away in the past but I couldn’t. But in my heart I know I need to. I hope I have the strength.

    -Simone

  28. PeneLope Says:

    #21 Yup, I’m with that man to. I’ve been dating a married man for the past 11 months. We met at work and he was posted in my country for the past 3 years. The wife he’s with right now, they’ve been married for a year but been together for 7. They got married 1 month before we first met. At first, I didn’t want to do it, the guilt was too big. But seeing each othe all day monday-friday at work, we ended up flirting, text messaging each other, emailing and before I know it, we started seeing each other even on weekends. Stealing an hour on the weekends just to for a quick lunch. Or stealing time after work just to spend time. Yes, I’m in love with him. He left, back to his country about February this year… and I broke up with him. It was the hardest thing. He cried and begged me to never leave him and give him a chance because he said we’re Kismet aka soulmates. So i gave in and stayed with him. He is everything that I want and he is all i need, other than the fact that he is married, no kids yet, but still MARRIED!
    I tried to break up again with him last week. He said no matter what happens he’s coming back to get me and bring me back to his country to be with him. He’s coming back soon… but I don’t think I will see him… I’m in love with him and wish I’m not. Because it sucks to know that at the end of the day, all I get is whatever time he got away from his wife. I’m still second. I’m leaving him eventually, I’m doing it slowly… and yes I pray everyday so someday I’ll be strong enough to leave him for good. Because, I’m starting to realise that… he will never ever leave his wife, no matter how much he says he will. He never ever will… Girls out there, I’m not gonna tell you don’t. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake in life, cos if you’ve never done anything wrong, u wont ever know what’s right.

  29. Young.thing Says:

    I agree completely with number 16, thats exactly what i’m looking for!

  30. Sue Says:

    I have been dating a married man for more than 2 years and I have tried desperately to split up with him many times. I know it is only the sexual attraction between us that makes us come back for more but why is it I can’t give that up and believe there is someoneout there better for me. This one is very controling and I feel as though he has brainwashed me and that is why I have problems walking away. I have only been with abusive relationships in my life and my therapist tells me I shouldn’t even be in a relationship because my head is so messed up. Could it be messed up from this twisted love affair with this married man that has been causing all the heartache?

    They always say there has never been no one like you to fulfill my sexual needs. You fulfill my wildest dreams…blah…blah…blah. well it is a bunch of crap! I have been fooled into thinking that there is no one out there for me and yet I won’t walk away from this twisted affair I am in.

    The only thing that has come from it…. I have been working on a erotic-romance novel that has a murder mystery in it and I hope to publish it someday. The story is fiction but much of my ideas came from this crazy mixed up relationship I have with this married man. I havve written over 30,000 words for the book and my mind just won’t shut off in writing it. I may have to make more than one sequel to it if I keep this rate up.

  31. whippedtoo Says:

    We all love are MM. My MM has been “into me” for 7years. We just now became a thing about 8months ago. Took about 2mo for sexual things to happen. I wouldn’t go there. Then I did. Now I am in love. There’s so many questions so many things we should talk about but we don’t. He is so “risky”. It’s like he wants to get caught because he won’t leave her. I’ve said no many times – because it was so risky. I broke it off once. I fell back into him. He plays the protective role – doesnt like other men looking at me or if they bother me—we work together – but in soo different areas. we went almost 5years without ’seeing’ eachother-he saw me everyday. I didn’t see him. These other postings are right! If you show that you care about him-he show distance-he loves the chase. he acts like a boyfriend. i dont give my options up. he thinks i’m nto him and only him. he doesnt know who I see on the side- i lie about it. he would get upset. what do we do? who do we turn to??

    I am 33. I have everything going for me. It is obvious to my mm that I dont need him – I take care of my own business. He wants to be needed in our relationship and wants to show that he will protect me… I dont understand it all.

    I’m also flattered. Before we were involved sexually he chased me and I ignored it – but he is in a position that requires sooo much of his time and he has so much on his plate – he barely has time for his family. then makes time for me. with the exception of kids. we haD a kid rule. which was broken. of coarse it was. he cant come over when i have my kids – he doesnt come over when he has his kids. that lasted a month or two.

    i don’t know what to do…where are the answers. we do care about eachother so much. but what do we do????

  32. sally Says:

    Dating a married man really weird.Ive been involved for about 9 months and he is completly honest about the situation. But i still manage to stick around.In my opinion it is not a good idea for the simple reason that you are and will always feel second best. Not to mention very lonley. And in the back of your mind even if he was to end up with you would you go crazy thinking he could be doing it to you. Hey once a dog always a dog.

  33. too stupid Says:

    we all seem to have the same sad story which is why i am on this site. hoping for the inspiration to stop my own affair with a mm. why is it that sex seems so much better and feelings more intense with a mm than any of our normal relationships? because there is nothing real about it except for sharing(usually by phone) our daily lives. it is easy to share your inner thoughts and fears with someone in a “controlled” relationship. we don’t have to fight over kids, politics,deal with financial situations or argue over our next vacation. there is no real balance. both of us are feeding into eachothers unhealtiest needs to give the relationship some credence. it is wrong for all of us simply because we’ve all heard the warnings going in and are doing this simply out of boredom and insecurity and worst of all WE ALL KNOW THAT.sometimes things get tough in life and we reach out for love. when we are desperate enough we will take it from anywhere. i do not think it helps to emotionally beat oneself up over this choice, but i do believe we will all get our self-esteem and strength back when we stop compromising ourselves. i know we will all feel better without this type of love. we get sick over it and overimagine because deep down we know it’s not right. we play mental games to convince ourselves to just enjoy the moment. there cannot be a happy ending even if we get them to leave their marriages. yes, chances are they will cheat again and we will only find out the hardest way what a jerk they really are. we also know that without being told we feel worse in this helpless situation. the world can get very lonely even when we are surrounded with people and we fall fast for instant happiness. like a drug, the need for love can be so powerful. in reading all of the above, i will say that nobody is happy in their affair and all for the same basic reasons. we are giving chunks of ourselves to someone who still gets in bed everynite with the person they claim they don’t really want to be with. not with us. most of their energy is going into their primary relationship, their marriage. and if it’s bad, it just takes more of their energy. we are settling for the crumbs. i keep remembering something a phsychology proffessor in college said,” love should not hurt.” it sounds like we are all in pain.

  34. inthisdeep Says:

    I’ve been married about 10 yrs now and not happy at all. Things are going from bad to worse at home, and then out of the blue I met this really attractive young lady at my workplace recently! I got her number and we call and txt each other constantly. Our relationship is heating up and moving fast and our first kiss was so magical! At first my attraction to her was purely physical and I love everything about her: her hair, nails, clothes, the way she walks and talks, etc. etc. but as I got to know her intimately I love her as a person and I want so much more of her! I feel depressed some times when I think about the people I’ve hurt and sometimes I wish she can meet someone who can give her 110%. I pray for their forgiveness but I am so in love with her that I can’t let her go! She is everything that a man can want and more! I need some advice on how to break off this relationship as gently as possible…

  35. Wow is all I can say Says:

    Huh..I looked up dating a married guy and found this.Im 37 and he is almost 50. I have found him attractive for years and he happens to be one of my Dads best friends. Go figure. The 3 of us went out to dinner the other night and my dad left us there. Bad idea. We hooked up. That night and then the next at his house. Apparently, he and his wife are separated but hell you never know. Do I feel guilty? Sorry to say no. I have no idea why. He does now though. Told me what a great time he had but it was “bad fun”. True,it was but to me it was still fun. Now I have to(for me) not text him. I have, but no response.That to me means no more.It is a bummer for me because I really like him and have for a long time. I deleted his number off my phone but I know his number by heart anyway so that doesn’t help. I just turn my phone off at night when I get lonely so I don’t text. All this and I KNOW I will be running into him because as I said he is friends with my dad. Sucky. I wouldn’t do it again. Well with him maybe,but anyone else no. It just sucks. Knowing he is at his house without his wife(she is 1000 miles away) and he feels guilty. Wish I would have never gone out dinner with them and I wouldn’t have to feel this way.

  36. message to #34 Says:

    You seem confused! the easiest way to break it off is to stop texting and calling! Whatever you do, do NOT tell her how you really feel about her! Just keep it sex only and you should be fine! I know this sounds cold but its the only way to keep your sanity! Also, don’t beat yourself up cause we’re all human.

  37. justme Says:

    I am dating a married man and I am married as well. My husband travels for three weeks at a time and is never available for me when he comes home. I have never loved anyone as much as I love the person I am seeing, he says he has the same feelings for and that he feels horrible for hurting his wife`s feelings. He has told her he wanted to leave and she called lots of members of his church to talk to him and get him into counseling. I do not pressure him because I am not ready to leave my husband. We agreed that we will make the changes in our lives because we had already experienced and concluded that the marriage was over, then we will take time to build upon what we have. HOWEVER, I fear he will never separate from his wife, he might just drag this forever and I do not feel strong enough to end the relationship. He has recently rented an apartment and we have been furnishing it slowly so that he can feel stronger about maybe moving there – some days he tells me he is ready to break up with her and some days he says he feels very guilty about leaving. I am SO confused! I know he has feelings for me and that he probably wants to end all this but we just cannot do it. I pray to God that we will find an answer soon. My husband is the rudest person ever but he is there in many ways when I need him. I have seen people falling in love and staying together forever but I know it is very rare. He is all I want in my life and I would file for divorce today if I knew he would be there for me.

  38. Amanda Says:

    I am dating a married man. We knew each other a long time ago and just picked up where we left off by accident. He swears that he will get a divorce but is concerned about his kids. He takes me on work trips and meets me as much as he can. I love him and he says he loves me. For the first time I felt ashamed yesterday, when we arrived a the airport and had to separate before baggage claim so he could meet his family. I was mortified. This is the lonliest relationship I have ever been in.

  39. sad Says:

    I cant take it anymore. Ive been seeing a married man and hes all i can think about. His wife got suspicious and now he wants to “slow down”. I havent spoken to him in about a week. I miss his but i have to keep it to myself. I wish i could get out of it but its so hard. Any Advice??

  40. Just me Says:

    I “dated” a married man a long time ago and swore I’d never do it again. He broke my heart. I fell head over heels in love with him. I guess he was different then most of them because he never made promises or really lied to me. But I couldn’t take it anymore. Holidays alone, sneaking around, wanting to be with him more and more. I closed myself off for years from even caring about anyone else. Gained alot of weight to protect myself from the outside world. A few months ago I met a MM at work and sparks started flying between us. We admitted how we feel but he is not a cheater and I don’t want to play the other woman role again. So, we said we will be friends only. It is hard, we are so drawn to each other and have so much in common. We have the same sense of humor. I adore him and he seems to adore me. Our co-workers can tell and make comments “in a joking way” that there is something going on between us. We tried to back off, stay away from each other but we were both miserable. I need him and he needs me. We try not to ever be anywhere alone as to avoid the temptation of crossing the line.

  41. stressed Says:

    I have been seeing a married man for 6 years, when we started I was married also, I got divorced a year ago, now he has moved out, he said leaving his wife has nothing to do with me, they have been married for 20 years and with problems maybe 15. Now they are two small boys in the picture, I have one child myself. Since he has moved out she is giving him the guilt trip for abandoning the kids, he is a great father and a very emotional person, but he has told her he is not in love with her anymore and he can’t take anymore of all the things she has put him through all these years, he can’t ignore them anymore and he wants to be happy, now she is saying she wants to work things out after not being intimate for almost 4 years and living in separate rooms for 2 years, they had tried counseling before didn;t work, she does not know I exist, no one knows, in the meantime I am sitting here waiting, he says he wants to married me, he has been there for me for the past 6 years, I am so stressed seeing him going through this, my divorce was easy, my husband and I agreed it was time to moved on, he thought his will be the same, now she is using the kids against him and she is being difficult, I don’t know what to do, I am in love with him and he is worth it but is it fair to me to sit here and wait?

  42. Jen Says:

    I too am just out of a relationship with a married man. Honestly? It was the worst thing I’ve ever done. He started with the Love words too, he gave me nothing but letdowns, disappointments, broken promises, made plans knowing he wouldn’t be able to make it, stood me up, etc….Then, if that wasnt bad enough, you would think that his wife and I was enough. However, we weren’t and he was seeing OTHER people too. Lying, cheating man all the way! I’m sorry I fell for him, I’m sorry I ever went to meet him that first time. It’s a lonely, lonely road to travel, girls. You’re gonna get sucked in and when he leaves you, he’s going back to his bed that he shares with his wife, the house he shares with her, his life he shares with her, and their kids. So, really, really think about it. It isn’t worth the heartache and pain.

  43. contemplating... Says:

    I am #13 and #23. I am proud to say I cut him off!! He was way too inconsistent for me. I need more out of a relationship and out of life. I’m young and don’t have the patience. Plus, I think he was cheating on me with another woman. I can’t speak for everyone. Honestly, I believe some women are with a married man who truly cares about them and will eventually leave their wives, yet for the few like me…he is a dog. It’s not worth it. I never allowed myself to get in so deep that i lost sight of me and what I really wanted. I continued to date the guy I had been with for 2yrs the whole time we had the affair. The only thing I regret is losing my friend. My MM and I were friends for 7yrs before the affair. Best friends at that. I really wish he would have just been completely honest with me, maybe then I would still be his friend. I can’t imagine ever forgiving him for his actions. There was never a reason for him to lie to me because he had no obligations to me. If you are dating someone your close to who’s married. Be aware that you may end up together…or you may lose a good friend. Is it really worth it? I would say no because I’m gonna miss his friendship so much. The sex was good, but I would rather have a shoulder to lean on than sex any day.

  44. just me Says:

    #43 You are so right about friendship being more important than good sex. I have a very close friendship with the MM I spoke about in my earlier post. One of the things that keeps us from crossing that line into the physical is not wanting to ruin a great friendship. Oh I’m sure the sex would be as good as the fantasy of it but I keep reminding myself that in the long run it wouldn’t be worth what we would lose. Maybe some day you and him will get the friendship back. I wish you the best.

  45. WHAT THE F@*K?!! Says:

    Wow, # 17! I swear u worte that for me. Im so seriously going crazyright now, but ut post just made things a lil easier. I will tell my entire story @ another time as I can’t rite now, but THANK YOU, really, all of u, for helpig me realize im not crazy for feeling what I feel and for not running away from him as fast as possible.

    #21 sounds like my man to the tee! wow

  46. Tina Says:

    Well girls I have always believed that everyone should digest their situation before I stepping into the unknown. I for one made a promise that I would never date a married man, Well girl I almost did the unthinkable, YES! I was about to test the waters of a marriage man. Thanks to that inter-voice that slapped me into reality. First of all if a man step to you, he must be ready to step to you like a true man not a boy, be careful when he begin the spill of is retiring and the great job he has landed. Be honest tell him you in school and you are seeking a degree etc in your major therefore you don’t have any extra money to waste. When a man tells you he’s paying bill and don’t offer to pay at least one of yours quest what it’s time to stop answering the phone/email. Run for the hills

  47. thisiscrazy Says:

    I met this woman recently and we hit it off from the start. I tried my best not to mention my marital status but she asked and I had to tell her! That didn’t change any thing for us though! Things only became hotter! We see each other only on Saturdays and wow… sparks fly and the sex is out of this world! I have fallen for her big time.. but recently I found out that she too is married! What a tangled web we weave! Now we are too deep into each other but this is so wrong at so many levels! I keep having second thoughts but as soon as I call her or text her, things get started again! How do you stop this madness???

  48. almost Says:

    I\’m married, as is this guy I\’m into. Both unhappily. My husband and I are at the point we sleep in separate bedrooms. This married man and I have been friendly for about a year and subtly flirting and more friendly for the past 6 mos. or so. As of now, we\’ve theoretically been \”just friends\” but it\’s gotten to the point where he\’s strongly hinting he wants to sleep with me and I\’m planning on taking him up on this. My concern is that his wife, who I am friendly with, not find out. He\’s cheated on her before, so while the cheating would upset her, the fact that it\’s with someone she knows and considers a friend, would no doubt upset her even more.
    I feel somewhat guilty about that aspect of this, however I know what it is to be unhappily married and not divorce for all sorts of complicated reasons. He and I are both looking for someone to help with the loneliness, stress, and lack of sex. I have no idea whether I will one day regret this, but right now I just need to do something for myself and see what happens.

  49. WHAT THE F@*K?!! Says:

    We met four months ago and it was an instant attraction we were both stumbling over ourselves like school kids every time we saw one another. We started off writing notes to each other, lol, and then the flirting was obvious, it was like we both didn’t care who saw us anymore, nothing mattered really, just each other. We had nothing physical until two weeks ago and forget it, it was amazing, the sparks that flew and my God the first kiss, we feel we have always loved each other, but life is cruel sometimes. He is 12 years older, im 29 and he’s 41, and when we’re together u wouldn’t know there’s any difference in age, we just bring out the best in each other. This isn’t an wasy situation, it gets harder to deal with every day as the feelings grow. It gets lonely at times too, the days he has to be home and can’t see me or call me. It sucks sometimes but I knew what I was getting into when I got into it. He’s worth it though and he makes me happy enough to deal with it. I won’t put up with it forever, i’m not even gonna lie to myself about that. I won’t ask him to leave his wife and kids, that’s something he has to do on his own when he’s ready, if he ever does. He cried when I tried to break things off he begged me not to leave, he swears he doesn’t know how to live life without me now that i’ve changed him, so I stay.

    Sometimes, u tell yourself it isn’t right and u remember the many times you swore off ever dating a married man and then u look in his eyes and all that flies out the window…will I regret this? Probably. Will I end up broken? Probably. But at least if tomorrow never comes at least I had it …

  50. just happy Says:

    so before i start my story im gonna change the names of people. there is of course me, then there is james(my on/off bf), brad(the guy im seeing now) and Tasha(his wife)…

    ok me and brad met in 2006. i was living with james although at the time we were not dating (we had dated before on and off since 2002) but we were intimate. well james got sent off on a job site to wisconsin and got stranded there. Brad being a good friend drove me all the way there to get him.( trust me this has meaning ull see) anyways shortly after that me and tasha both found out we were pregnant. me with james’ baby and her with brads. well it took 2months for james to propose to me and brad eventually married tasha in 2007 right after the baby was born. he did it because it was the right thing to do. him and tasha have always had problems in the relationship. im not saying this because he tells me this but because i have witnessed it as i have been at their house numerous times over the past couple years.anyways brad has recently been working for my parents out at our house(yes i live with my parents unfortunately, im 20 by the way and brad is 26). well my uncle and brad r really good friends, so one night i was in town with my uncles wife and their lil girl visiting one of our friends. well we had to go over to brads to pick my uncle up and had to sit there for awhile. and to give u an idea of how bad the problems between tasha and brad are heres wat happened that night. she told him she was eventually goin to divorce him, that if he wants more kids hes gonna have to have them with someone else bcuz she doesnt want anymore, she hated being pregnant. tasha refuses to take their son to doctor appointments brad does it, he has to pick him up from daycare, tasha will go out on ‘girls nites out’ and not come home until the following morning. shes also been cheating on him since december(prob. longer than that). well a couple weeks ago(before he found out she was cheating on him) we started texting, and he told me that hes liked me since the trip to wisconsin.
    anyways last week she moved out and filed for divorce. since then she has told him she still wants to be with him just not married to him, she signed the divorce papers and sent them in so hell b getting them shortly.
    so i am dating a married man and i dont feel guilty about. i kno people say if hell cheat on her hell cheat on u. but normally hes not that kind of a person. he doesnt make me promises that hes leaving her and i dont ask him to. i care very much about him and jus want him to b happy. if that ends up not being with me ill understand. i dont want to take him away from his son cuz i couldnt imagine my son getting taken away from me.
    being with a married man doesnt always have to so condeming. when the situation is like this i dont see wat there is to b ashamed of. im starting to fall in love with, as hard as im trying not to it is happening. i havent been this happy in a long time. im normally a very self concious person, im always worried about the way i look or if my body looks good. when im with him it doesnt matter. before i could never have sex in the daylight bcuz id b concerned of the way i look, but with him i can, and have. i get giggly and i cant stop smiling. ive even started to giggle while we r in the middle of having sex. anyways he no longer wears his wedding band. and even though there is no gaurentee that him and his wife will actually get divorced and leave eachother. it doesnt matter to me. to me even if i get hurt in the end, it is/was/will be all worth it.

    P.s. when tasha goes out with her ‘boyfriends’ shes takes their son with her. i have never taken my son with me to see brad, and i would never involve my son in this. my son is at my house when brad is out here working yes, so he is familiar with him however its different than takin my son with me to go meet brad. id never do that to my son. anyways i jus needed to share my situaton with someone. so please dont judge me on this. and sorry it was sooo long haha.

  51. in over my head Says:

    I too have done the unthinkable. Starting dating a married man. And the worst part of it is my exhusband cheated on me, so I have been on the other side of things. It has gone against every moral fiber I have. But I cannot stop.
    It has been the most satisfying sexual experience of my life. The connection was immediate and a strong friendship developed. We say “I love you” all the time, but I struggle constantly with all of this. I know how wrong it is, but I cannot control myself. It is like a drug to which we are both addicted. I try to keep my emotions in check, but it has proved to be more difficult than I imagined. He never gives me promises of leaving his wife, but it is hard to hear I love you and not to expect more. It does consume all my free time, and the loneliness is unbearable at times. I have tried to break it off so many times, but I keep going back, telling myself just have fun until you find someone new. Its an emotional rollercoaster which I cannot get off of. I am thankful he has shown me how a man should make love to a woman and he is a great friend. But if I had to do it over again, I would not ever get involved with a mm again. The heartache is too great and the depression is frequent. Not what I wanted at this point in my life. I pray for the strength to break free for good.

  52. Screaming Inside Says:

    I’ve been in a relationship with a married man for 8 years. For the first 5 of those 8 years, he wasn’t married, but decided one day, unbeknownst to me that he was going to marry another woman because I could not carry his child. It crushed my heart, it took me YEARS to be able to deal with the pain BUT I continued on with him – how I did it in hindsight I’ll never know but I did. It all finally came to a head today, I cannot deal with being treated like I am less than a human being anymore. I gave that man the best of me and look what I got in return – nothing but lonliness and the worst heartache of my life. My advice to anyone that is presently in this situation is GET OUT while you are still emotionally intact. There is no such thing as emotionless relationships no matter how you stack the cards. It will also never end in your favor. I just now wish I could go back to the week before he got married and push him down a long flight of stairs, spit in his face and scream NO – I WILL NOT ACCEPT THIS! If you’re not good enough for him – maybe, just maybe, he’s really the one that isn’t good enough for you.

  53. Iiving life Says:

    I to thought that I would never date a married man, although I was married four 13 years seperated for two yrs, then divorced now for 5yrs.I recently met this man,and it was instant attraction, we both could not keep our eyes off each other, we exchanged info and talked so much, that we became friends, we have so much in common its crazy! Our 1st kiss was unbelievable, and the sex was off the hook, he’s 9 yrs older than me,I’m 42,he’s 51, he takes care of me,he has definetly raised the bar for anyone else that may come into my life! I’m happy, I’m not expecting anything to come of this,we just enjoy each other when we see each other! I don’t ask questions, I still have my options open, bottom line is Im single as a dollar bill, and I’m just doing me,he’s the best thing in my life right now and a friend that i’ll always value!

  54. keepingher4good Says:

    My story is similar to all these except this is the mm’s point of view. Here goes… i met her at work and was immediately attracted to her. I got her number and we texted and talked and one day we met outside of work. I was upfront with her and she also told me she had a boyfriend! Anyway I always buy her nice gifts to show her how I feel about her and one thing led to another and we slept together. At first I felt bad and regretted it knowing that my wife was at home but i’m so fed up with not getting “it” that i gave in to temptation. Now I have fallen in love with her and can let her go! She has broken up with me twice before, but being away from each other drives us both crazy and we always somehow get back together! I’m not happy at home and she has shown me what I’ve been missing! I have some decisions to make because I know its unfair for all concerned but I have decided! I’m going for it!!!

  55. Butterflies Says:

    I was running late for the first day of my last semester in college. I burst into what would be my classroom for the next 3 months, there standing infront of the room, conducting class with charm and charisma, was my MM.

    It was INSTANT! The whole vibe in the room changed and I became speechless (which is insanely rare for me)

    He passed out his business card should we need to “contact” him in case of “emergencies.”

    So I sent flirty text messages and he replied the same. I guess I should mention I was 25 and he was 40.

    Flash forward to 2 yrs later and I’m still INSANELY attracted to him and everytime I’m with him I get butterflies. When we’re together, we don’t realize that anyone else is around. We have amazing sex and I crave his touch. However, I never give up the opportunity to date other guys my age and he knows this. We have a great understanding. We see eachother about once a month and I’m fine with that, well…..

    For the first time today, I find myself physically ill, because I miss him so much. I NEVER tell him I how feel and he would prob be surprised if he knew. I’m always so “put together” when we’re together. And now I’ve come to realize, this whole relationship is wrong and the joke’s on me.

    So, a little advice for anyone who thinks getting involved with a married man is harmless…. There’s a little thing called Karma, it’s real and when you get yours, remember all the time you stole from his family… I think about it ALL the time….

  56. reality Says:

    I agree with some comments, but I think that one must enjoy there lfe to the fullest. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, Therefore we should maximize on every oppurtunity that presents it self to us. No one can make you happy, one can only add to happiness! I’m dating a MM,and he makes me laugh, I can talk to him about anything, we enjoy each other when we are together, I’m not looking for him to leave his wife,I’m just enjoying the ride!

  57. cybergwen Says:

    In case you all haven’t found it, I have started a forum for The Other Woman. You can find it at http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum

  58. what the f@*k!!! Says:

    hey ladies, all ur stories have truly helped and its easier to deal with but some days are just so lonely! The worst is not being able to talk to anyone about this cause your close girlfriends throw in the i told u sos and u shoulda knowns and all that and frankly u dont want to tell anyone else about the stupid mess u got urself into. there should be somewhere where we can talk to each other when we’re feeling down and out like this…

  59. what the f@*k?!! Says:

    oh yea, also, what do u do when he openly tells people ur his girlfriend and he declares his love all over the place and this is the best…he expects u to just be his? He doesnt want me dating anyone else, he says it would drive him insane! how do i handle this? i love and adore him but the times without him are so hard and lonely, it owuld be nice to have someone to hang with and maybe take my mind away from things, but i refuse to do it behind his back and i know he doesnt approve, so what do i do?

  60. whipped too Says:

    I checked out that webpage http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum
    thanks!

  61. The first woman Says:

    So, my story is a little different than the others. I was engaged to the married man I’m sort of involved with. We have a huge history together and the feelings between us are still very strong after four years. In the last two years time, he got his girlfriend pregnant, then married her because he was going to be deployed by the Army and wanted her to be completely covered while he was overseas.

    Three months after they were married, he knew he made a huge mistake, and seven months after the courtroom marriage, we were talking again. His one year anniversary just passed in April and he still uses every excuse to be away from home. He gets his orders extended (he’s active duty), he even got a second job just so he doesn’t have to go home. The only reason he goes to the house is to spend time with his daughter. We haven’t seen each other yet, but we speak all of the time and when we do I know in my heart I still love him. He’s told me that he still loves me and that I have always been the only one he ever wanted.

    I don’t know how to deal with this situation, I honestly feel like someone else is married to my husband! Like she was a substitute for what we should have been. I asked him why he did it and he told me that he honestly never thought I’d come back into his life, so he tried to just do the right thing for his baby. What now???

  62. dudesgirl Says:

    i’ve been dating a married man for 4 months now and i have to say i’ve never been more happy…or more miserable….he makes me feel so good about myself, always telling me how beautiful i am, how he doesn’t deserve someone as special as me, asking me why i never turn my back on him….and then he goes home and i cry myself to sleep knowing that the whole thing is just silly. two full grown adults acting like children…so is it wrong? iidk. is right? idk that either all i know is that whenever we are together i feel so loved and isn’t that what every woman wants?

  63. justnan Says:

    I have been involved with a mm for 6 yrs. On and off. He eventually did leave w for me but went back out of guilt. It is emotionally draining, frustrating and I am pretty much giving up but just need my heart to agree. If you can avoid getting involved with a mm I strongly advise againt it. They hurt you and don’t even know they do it. They have their home lives and they are so good at lying that they will give you any excuse in the world to not find time for you. Let them live their lives of hell, which is the ones they created. They can’t step up to the plate and deal with the bad marriages then they should be the ones alone not us. The ones being hurt.

  64. missX Says:

    Have been with him for 9 months, had a 2yrs and 3 month old… We met at work, i was the new girl. I am still waiting… i love him and cry when he leaves on our “regular” friday night meetings and the odd “see you in the office” moment. There is 15 yrs difference in our age, it donest bother me. I am still “waiting” for the commitment… i get the most amazing best sex ive ever had… but is that it??? lonely holidays, coming 2nd, 3rd, 4th in priority… i deserve the best and should be treated that way. Dont us woman deserve more or do we just ultimately believe what we choose and want to beleive?my guess is as good as yours….

  65. run now ladies Says:

    Its nice to know I’m not alone. If you can look in the mirror and realize that you are 2nd, then enjoy yourself..Sadly us women, end up falling in love and getting hurt…So if you can ladies, RUN NOW!! the heart break isnt worth it…I rather be lonely then in love with someone who is married! RUN before its too late…I think we women have read too many fairy tales and think we will have a happily ever after..But the truth is less then 5% of marriages that were a result of an affair end up working out..So the odds are against us ladies…WALK away…if he wants to be with you, he will handle his business and fight for you…yes u will cry and hurt…but better noe then 11 years later like some women on here..RUN!

  66. peach Says:

    I just want to share my story. Almost a month and a half ago an old friend from high school found me. At first we were just talking on the phone about old times and what was going on now. I’m in the process of a divorce and was still living at my husband’s house at the time. We met up one day at the store and when we were getting ready to leave he kissed me. That was all it took. 3 days later we had fallen for each other. He is married and has 2 step daughters. After we met he told his wife he was thinking about getting a divorce. We went out of town together to see my mom last weekend and when we got back he forgot to clear his phone so then his wife found my text messages. So he told her everything. Now he is staying with me in my apartment… I love him so much and am so afraid he’s going to decide to go back. But I’m trying to be patient and let him do what he wants to do.

  67. Heartbroken Says:

    I am in love with a married man. He is my best friend and we have everything in common. I love being with him and enjoy his company and he is everything I have ever dreamed of and have never felt as happy as I feel when we are together.

    But – he is married. What do you do? It is the most heart breaking situation to be in. I know this will never change. That he will never leave his wife. But what do you do when you know that this is your soul mate?

    Although we try to make the most of the little time we get together, the rest of my life is being wasted by constantly thinking about the ‘if only’ side of life. He has given me so much, for which I am grateful, but in a way, wish we hadn’t crossed the line.

    I love him so deeply but have to face reality and hope that a single guy passes my way, who I can love just as much as my married man.

  68. Satisfied...for now Says:

    I have been dating a married man for almost three years now and yes it’s been work. Never done it before, didn’t plan on doing it, but the connection between us is intense. The sex is full lof passion and we are still going strong.

    No I don’t get holidays, well on the actual day anyway, but we do pick our days to celebrate. Birthdays are the same, we are always together for mine and as close to his as we can get. It’s not a “traditional” relationship and yet we are in love. We both know it and we both know the boundries of that love. I accept them and so does he.

    I am always aware that most likely I am not the only other women, yet is is advid I am. However I know that I can walk away at any time. And every so often I give myself the “am I okay with this?” talk. If I am, I continue the relationship, if I am not, I walk away and begin the process of ending and new beginnings.

    But the truth is, for now, I like the way things are. I do not concentrate on where he is when his is not with me. I simply enjoy the time we share when he is with me. I do not go out of my way to be available for him, thus leaving him to the same delima of thoughgts. Usually bringing him to me everytime.

    Just as I must understand that he legally belongs to another, he must understand that I don’t. And if one day, someone should want more of me and be able to offer more to me, he may be at the greater loss.

    But honestly, (wierd term I know), we are great friends, and I know that if I were in trouble, pain, or dismay, he would be there in a heartbeat. We know each other, we share each other and niether of us is “legally” required to do so. To expect anything more than that is emotional blackmail and certain daily heartache.

  69. The other woman, a flight attendant Says:

    I went out with a married man (an airline pilot), I didn’t think it was cheating because there were many of us together. He kissed me on the dance floor and that how our affair began. At the same time, I broke my boyfriend’s heart when he found out about it a few months later. (My boyfriend still loves me but he’s very hurt, he has been my best friend and very supportive regarding this problem)
    The sad truth about this is I still in love with that married man and can’t wait to be with him again on our layover. He writes sweet emails to me and tells me that he cares about me. I’m not sure what to do…..please help…

  70. hurting every day Says:

    Just don’t do it. If you see it coming… My situation happened so fast I knew I loved him the day I met him again another story of it happened at work, I had worked for my company for about 2 weeks and he came into our office, looked me dead in the eyes and we were done, he started to work with my company a month after that and the first day he was in the office he came into my office and asked me out at this time I knew he was married but not happy because I had heard him talk to my sales team a few times about it. I went out with him that afternoon after work and I have been in a relationship with him ever since this is 2 and a half years later. I wish that I could walk away, I feel like I live an out of body experience every day of my life. Waiting for him to call, text or email me. We no longer work together and we live in different states now because of work. But through this we still keep our relationship going. He tells me he loves me and that we will be together soon, I just keep waiting for soon to get here because it is so hard to deal with this situation. I would not want anyone to feel the pain that I feel over my relationship. I wish I didn’t love him every day and that I could meet someone that would make me his number one and that I would not have to spend the holidays alone wishing I was with him and wondering what he is doing, seeing fireworks with his wife and I am seeing them alone or not at all because I don’t have anyone to see them with. This is not the kind of life anyone wants to live, I know a lot of people look at people like us in a very negative way, believe me we did not ask for this nobody would willing want to be in a relationship like this with someone they love whole heartedly that they can’t have. Believe me I wish every day that I wasn’t so in love with my man because maybe then I could live a normal life…

  71. Forget him Says:

    Forget the married pilot!!!! No matter what he’s written to you, it’s all lies. You’re lucky to have a boyfriend who still loves you, face some reality and imagine your life WITHOUT your boyfriend because you’re still in love with that jerk. On your layover, don’t do anything that can get you together with that man again, or anyone else!!!!

  72. Curious Says:

    I am 24 years old and have always been attracted to older married men. There is this very handsome 45 year old guy that works in the IT department who has been recently flirting with me, sending me instant messages every day through my work email and has taking me to lunch and starbucks several times which he has paid for. These meet ups have all been during work hours but now he is suggesting we go out after work to a movie or have dinner. I have tried to make something up to not go because I guess I am a little scared since I never been with a married or an older guy. The weird thing is that he has never mentioned anything about his personal life nor do I want to ask…..I guess for the time being I am just enjoying his company and the fact that he is treating me to lunch. Deep down I don’t think that I would ever accept sleeping with him…but it doesn’t hurt to flirt.

  73. been there Says:

    To “Curious” and “the other woman”, Curious, it’s not too late for you to turn down future pain and suffering, he’s not supposed to do such thing as having lunch, or movie with a you. He’s married!!! Forget about him and stay with guys who aren’t taken, or someone who’s your age. And “the other woman”, if you spend any time thinking or trying to get together with that married pilot again, your future with your boyfriend will end. Don’t even think that you can get away with doing things like that!!!!! You are lucky to have someone who loves you enough to forgive you and still with you, want to be alone, go for the married pilot and have your heart broken because he will surely cheat on you (with other girls), next thing you know, your boyfriend will walk…

  74. another one Says:

    I am another fool who dated a married pilot, he’s handsome and told me how much he cared for me. I was stupid not to listen to my friends who told me “if he cheats on his wife, he’ll cheat on you!!!” Next thing I knew, he was cheating on me with another flight attendant!!!!! I found out because the girl showed me photos of them on the beach!!!! He swears that nothing happened between them but it didn’t seem that way, because she called him “my boyfriend”…

  75. Don't do it... Says:

    “another one” is right!!! I learned my lesson, it’s not the outside that counts, because we usually turn off our brains when some good looking guys flirt with us. If a man is willing to cheat behind his wife or girlfriend’s back, what do you think he will do behind your back? (Think about this, if he’s a good looking fellow, what’s the chance that he has no girlfriend or wife?) If you meet someone who flirts with you, if he’s married (and you’re not), walk on. But if you’re married or already have a BF, KEEP THAT IN MIND, why be friendly with that man who only wants to use your body and brake your heart when it’s all over?

  76. hurting every day Says:

    My married man boyfriend has told me that he is leaving his wife by the end of the month and promises me that we will finally be together. He started his vacation today and has been telling me that he wants to take his children on a vacation, I am great with that however he is taking his wife with him because he doesn’t feel that he can handle a few days a way with his kids because they are so young 2 and 7. I left my ex when my children were two and 7 and they survived it was tough on them and on him because everyone had to adjust. Am I being a complete fool to sit back on this one. They are going for 4 days. I am sick to my stomach and too the point where I don’t know where I stand in his life even when he tells me that I am his world and he loves me. He promises he is leaving. After two years and many tears what do you do?? I wish I could walk away sometimes but I love him so much he is my true love, my soulmate and I want to spend my life with him but I can’t handle the pain and the thought of them on a family vacation just feels like a knife in my heart…

  77. A pain that wont subside. Says:

    I’m the stupid girl that got pregnant to the MM. I believed all of his lies, and now I’m so hurt. Expecting a girl in 1 month.

  78. Never Done This Before Says:

    I have read the previous posts, and my situation is similar but so very different. My MM and I have been friends since we were 14 years old…we are both now 44. When we were teenagers, he was dating my best friend, and I was dating his best friend….but neither one of us knew how crazy we were about eachother back then until recently. When we were 16 he moved from one side of the country to the other but we always kept in touch with eachother. Then 20 years ago, I relocated to the same state he lives in …purely by coincidence and he and I ended up having a very intimate night shortly after I relocated. I didn’t sleep with him, and yes, he was married only a few years at that time. I ended up getting married a year later, and moved out of state again. We kept in touch over the years as we always have.

    So now fast forward 20 years….

    I recently became divorced,(I was the one who was cheated on) and I relocated back to the state where my MM lives, where my family lives, and where we had our intimate night all those years ago. He met my best friend and I for drinks one night about a month ago ..stayed a very short time..but before he left he kissed me very passionately. We have seen and/or talked to eachother every day in the past 3 weeks, and have been very intimate with eachother again. He revealed to me how much he remembers about that night 20 years ago, and how he always felt about me. My feelings haven’t changed for him either….and they continue to grow. We are still very crazy about eachother. I haven’t slept with him, but he told me today he wants to…the timing was bad, and I just am also scared to death to let it go that far, so it didn’t happen. He is still married to the same girl that he was married to when we had our first intimate encounter all those years ago, and has never cheated on her…except for that intimate night with me 20 years ago.

    I’ve known my MM for 30 years and just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ruin our friendship, or his marriage, and I’m having issues with myself considering my ex-husbands cheating ruined our marriage. I’ve never gone out with a MM before…nor would I with any other MM. I guess it’s just cuz I have know him for so many years…and am beginning to fall in love with him, and want to spend more and more time with him…just as he does with me. Just don’t know where this is all leading….Any suggestions?`

  79. alysse Says:

    im dateing a man from another country he is married i love him and wont to marry him what do i do

  80. broken heart Says:

    Well …after 27 years of devoted love and uprooting ever few years to support my husband in his career I have found out about his affair with a woman 17 years younger than I who also pleaded with him to have his children …this is beyond words to describe the devastation this has caused…I have been a seriousl devoted christian woman …seeking and researching the word …without a denomination nor fellowship all the time ,,homeschooled our children which is why throughtout this I was not suspicious and he did a good job of conveying how he was hard at work in his management job …high profile and lots to do …SO to find out that all the time he DID have free that WE thought was so hard to have with us .>>HE SPENT it with HER!

    We are all hurt and amazed at the shameless woman who approached him during a transfer and KNEW us even after we arrived to join him and proceeded to move along with our family …shadowing us as we moved several times…she finally wanted his children …even though he told her from the beginning he WOULD NOT LEAVE us and she never asked him to …when she got pregnant she quit her job and he bought her a house…and a new Lexus…and then she wanted ANOTHER child which he resisted …but she told him she “did not want the first one to be an only child”….over that following 8 years she received over one million dollars while my husband moved us into a small home…without AC …and sold some other things of ours so he could provide for her….

    Now do YOU really want a man who would DO that? ,…when I found out quite by accident …finding photos of the children and nearly having a stroke!

    He is sorry …wishes he had not gone that routh and has reexamined all the “reasons” he had…all of which were from HIS not opening up to me and deliberately maintaining a private SELF …not the way marriage will satisfy a man …SO all of his lack was his OWN doing and he sees it now …but he insists he must pay her twice the support required by law for the “children ” ….there is alot that is wrong with this ..but let me just say ….

    PLEASE think …would YOU want to be the one that has to live knowing that a man’s children have to go through life wondering HOW they will ever be able to trust a man …they love the Lord ..but their father has been a GREAT ACTOR …displaying every good attribute a man could possible have …none of his workers, extended family or friends know…

    I am trying not to destroy our family further ..but my daughers and sons are going to have a long time dealing with this reality …I have been trying to get him to understand the depth of this for over a year as he wants to stay married …keep our life together …NOT see her but he feels he must take care of all of them …this is very hard to deal with ..The other woman DID NOT WANT him for marriage…she set him up by his guilt and emotion to PAY for her lifestyle…and she has not suffered in any of that area….now into her THIRD HOUSE at our expense,..and we had to sell something that was to be for our children …

    SHE had prior to her pregnancy researched HOW to be a “single parent by choice”…I feel she does dishonor to all the women who have saved and continued to work to be single mothers BY CHOICE as she seems to feel she is being but she has had plastic surgery , botox and many other ‘treats’ at my families expense while we spend our efforts to help make ends meet …

    Is this some kind of emotional blackmail…my husband has not had any contact with her since last AUG …and he has spend all of his time with me when not at work ,..all of his emails and phones are open to me as are our finances….

    She has not tried to contact him…and when he called her to tell her that their 15 year affair was over except for child support her first concern was for her HOUSE>….

    Love? hardly…..

  81. holly Says:

    ladies,
    ive dated two married men in my life its some of the strongest love ive ever felt aside from lovin my son. These married men at the time you meet them may actually be thinkin to leave their marriage but after we come along and comfort them make love to them make them laugh weve taken away all the pain allowing them to heal what ever problem they originally had now he’s stuck with two women which he may genuinly love now ask yourself(you have two hairdressers which one do you stay with the new one or the old one)their mothers may talk to them and say would you have wanted your father to do that to me , what i’m trying to say is they have a whole net work of people non of which know you so they will side up with the wife. ive been with my married man for 7 years its just gotton worse over time he does’nt even spend my birthday with me any more i’m deeply in love and trying to come up with a master plan to win him over but notice how i said seven years his wife and i have had arguments i’ve lost a job because of her but she wont leave even though she knows he spends nights weekends even weeks sometime he says he needs more money he changes his mind alot now he is going to be 40 and going through a midlife crisis more trouble my therory they probably do love you but they were seeking love else where because they are unable to commit and my therapist says that im afraid of committment thats why i stay with him if he was mister right why does it feel so wrong… love doesnt hurt …if you let something go if it comes back to you its yours if it doesnt it wasnt meant to be…i know your probably saying if you know all this then why havent you left yet, ill tell you im stuck and tryin to break AWAY ITS VERY HARD FOR ME BUT IF ME SHARING MY DEEPEST SECRETS WITH YOU GUYS CAN SAVE YOU SOME HEART ACHE MAYBE GOD CAN FORGIVE SOME OF THE BAD STUFF IVE DONE

  82. golden girl.. Says:

    well, ladies let me join the bandwagon…I started seeing this Married but separted man (alledgedly) about 3 mos. ago. He lives in PA, and i live in NY. We have good chemistry and i like him alot. He told me he’s been with his wife for 17yrs, and he’s just not happy anymore, so he finally left (alledgedly). anyway, he drives buses for a living. this weekend he invited to come out to philly, to spend time. so, I went and we got a hotel. so, i asked him what was up with the hotel, and not his house? he says oh, well she (wife) comes over sometime to my place to watch the kids being he’s on the road. So, im like she has the keys huh…uh huh. He’s says yeah because im not there. so,iv’e always felt in the back of my head this whole separation crap was a lie, because we usually wouldnt talk in the night, unless he had a driving gig, out of state where he stayed away from home. while, he was showing ,me a round PA, his cell phone rang, and it was wife, ask him where he was..he quickly hopped out the car to talk, and said im @ work… (unbelievable) then he stepped about 10ft from the car to talk. when he got back in , i said is everything ok, he said yeah, its just that this job of mine calls the first number, on there list. So, i said oh so they called your house, and your wife evidently though you were at work? he says yes cause shes there watching the kids…(bull) of course she’s there because she lives there….Im am thinking about cutting all ties with this man because, i can see that the more i keep in contact with him, the more emotionally involved i will become. To top it off, he has two girls with his wife, and his wife has 2 boys out side of them that he fathers as well…I am 25 and he is 34. Should I leave this relationship now? Iv’e broken up with him 2 times before, and made up with him again. I feel like im playing myself right now…any feedback

  83. shouldnt have Says:

    I am currently in a relationship with a married man. It’s not a good relationship. We have been dating and having sex for a year. His son was also born a year ago. He and I also work together. It is very hard on me and very hard to end it. We work very closely together and spend nearly all of our time together. He is a great guy and I would like to find someone like him in the future (minus the wife). Im trying to be strong and get out of this relationship but it is very very hard. He has no plans to leave his wife and I know this can only end badly. My advice to all women out there…dont get involved with a married man…it’s too complicated and only hurts your heart. Plenty of single men out there…go out and get one! Im going to!

  84. cant let go Says:

    I’ve been with my mm about a year or so and let me say that I have never felt so happy in my entire life! He shows me such a great time that I don’t think anyone else can compare to him! At the same time I have never felt so lonely!!! I wish I can be with him constantly and he is all i think of!!! I know this sounds like obsession but its love!!! The most difficult thing I have ever done is trying to break up with him!!! Things didn’t go well at all and now I miss him like crazy!!!

  85. IF_SHE_KNEW__ Says:

    I love my married man. I will be by his side no matter what…

  86. cybergwen Says:

    I have started a forum for The Other Woman. You can find it at http://www.beingtheotherwoman.com/forum

  87. Didn't Plan this either. Says:

    Hi everyone. I didn’t realize there were so many other women struggling with this problem also. Here’s the short version of my story. In 2006 my mother who I was extremely close to (like sisters) was diagnosed with an end-stage cancer which was absolutely devastaing. Fast forward to Aug of 2007 her cancer got worse and she was forced to have a feeding tube placed in her stomach along with another tube due to complications. As her priamry care taker I met and dealt with her team of doctors and one of in particular I formed a close relationship with (did I say he was the married one). At the time I was single and so was my mom and the entire situation was overwhelming at times for us. I had help from two siblings but because they were married with their own families the majority of the work fell on me. Fortunately, the married doctor was there for us during the entire progression of my moms illness. I could call him anytime day or night when I had problems with her feeding tubes or when her home nurses needed help at night. He would come to the house every evening to sit with my mom and to make sure she was comfortable as possible during her last few months. He would also sit with me and answer questions I had about what she would be like when the disease progressed even further. He would bring gifts, ice-cream and most of all a listening ear to her and me. During the entire ordeal somehow I fell for him and felt as if he had fallen for me also but we never said a word about it or crossed any lines. It was like he had become a rock for me during the worst time of my life and I was very appreciative of how he went above and beyond his duty as her doctor. My mom passed away on Dec 9, 2007 and her married doctor was there for me again, helping with funeral arrangements and being a good friend to my entire family. After her funeral he continued to be there for me and somehow our relationship went from friends to lovers and we have never had a day since the day my mom passed that we havent communicated. As a doctor who is on call a lot he is very busy but manages to spend most his free time with me or with his son. I had never even considered dating a married man either but somehow it just happened. Now 6 months later I am where most of us are tired, frustrated and hurting because I am with a man that goes home (be it 3 am) every other morning to his wife and child. We have tried to end it but we always, always get back together. Some may think he took advantage of me during a vulnerable time in my life but he never did anything I didnt want him to do. I dont want to continue on this road but I cant seem to let go. What do you guys think?

  88. Fallen Hard for Airman Says:

    I think my situation is a little more complicated, only because I was married when I met my unmarried Airman (at that time) 5 yrs ago. My husband introduced us and we always had feelings but never acted on them. I loved my husband of 16yrs very much. Never would have cheated on him, but the fantasy of Airman made it interesting in bed.

    My Husband recently died and Airman has been there for me like my best friend. I have my ups and downs and he always finds that special something that makes me laugh. He and I still have that attraction and more now than ever I must say. He came out here to see me (He is from FL and I am in CA) and sparks flew like crazy! Needless to say we became very intimate in his time he spent with me. And did I mention he has been married for 2.5 yrs?

    He tells me that he would love to be with me always. I am such a “breath of fresh air” in his world of pessimism. I love being with him and I love talking to him. He tells me the relationship with his wife is at an end and he needs to know that he did everything he could to save it before he moves on. That he couldn’t live with himself knowing that he did something to devastate her. They are now on a two week traveling mission and they are a week in to it and I am going nuts!!

    I have now asked him to confess his true feelings for me. Either he wants me and I wait, or he doesn’t and I will move on. I like the first choice.

  89. Jeanie Says:

    Ive been seeing a married man for 6 years now. Yeah, count ‘em, SIX years. Six very lonely years and now Im so far into a depression I dont know if I will ever get out of it. I love him, I really do & Im IN love with him. He always says the right things and knows just how to keep me hanging on. He was a dream come true for me and now it has turned into a nightmare. His youngest child is 17 soon to be 18…should I wait until then to see if he’s really going to walk away & be with me? Deep down in my heart I dont think he ever will. Whenever I have given him an ultimatium he always says he loves me and that Im his best friend and that he wont let me go…but he’s not doing anything to keep me either.
    My advice ladies is….DONT!! Ive been going through this far too long to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

  90. honey81 Says:

    I’ve been dating my married man on and off for three years now.At first it was about sex and nothing more.he explained to me that after his wife had kids she lost for sex drive.Which all women knows is something that happens. I was at the point in my life where i wasn’t really looking for anything more than that so i was fine. I moved on with my life and he got pissed off when I got married.Since then we have stared dating again.I currently separted and I 2 kids to take care of so after what i just went through in my marriage i not looking for anything serious.He has never mislead me.I know that he will never leave his wife and kids.Regardless of what we have he doesn’t want to leave his kids. Now i know im only getting his have of the story but when im with him i just love being around him and im fine with what we have . I havent stop looking for more with someone else i just dont have the energy.He gives me the attention i need and we give each other the pleasure that we are looking for. This may not work for everyone but it works for me.

  91. tami Says:

    i too got caught up with a married man, for the first 4 months of the relationship thought he was single….Wow by the time his wife called…was to far into the relationship. They have been living an open marriage lifestyle, but he broke all the rules when it came to me, so she said. Well they are discussing divorce…but have to many assets, that neither want to give up. Married men were a hard limit…now i know why. 99% of the time i am sitting at home waiting for a text, wondering if and when i will see him, when we are together i don’t ask any questions because i want to enjoy the time we have together….but tell me how long can one live like this….waiting on the sidelines…dreaming, hoping, wondering………….

  92. jane Says:

    I’m in a relationship with a married man. But after reading all of these comments, I think why, why WHY do we sell ourselves short? I mean really?? All married men shouldn’t be clumped together in a typical “stereotype.” Every single situation is different. I look at these comments and think “are we idiots?”…. my married man and I were in the same boat. We were both married. I was in the process of divorcing and he wanted out of his marriage.

    We fell in love… I moved cross country for him. We spend every day together. He’s my best friend and lover. There comes a point where there is a CROSSROAD. Either go left or right. I understand it is difficult getting out of a marriage.,.. especially w/kids involved. But people should not go on living a lie with their spouse and/or girlfriend and constantly cheat. That doesn’t equal a role model for kids either. And contrary to the ridiculous “Rules to keep a married man”…. screw that! Why the hell should WE as women bend over backwards to keep married man?? It really isn’t a fair situation and if you get yourself into it and fall in love… guess what, you need to give the bit U (ultimatum).

    so… I told him I can’t do this anymore until he is divorced. He actually goes through with it because actions speak louder than words. “If you really love me… you will take the journey to have a beautiful future with me…. if you can’t see yourself leaving now, then I DESERVE BETTER” I DONT NEED YOU in my life if you can give me 100%. That is my point of this rant…. we really don’t NEED this hurt, pain, and deception. It’s a bad web and I dont care if someone says “Oh, I’m having FUN with a married man, no commitments” . There will come a day where you will fall for a person and you can’t have them. How much fun will that really be?

  93. Pasra Says:

    Hi..

    I’m in love with a married man too. The worst thing is I am married too. We both have 1 child each. We are seeing eachother for 1.5 months now. It feels good. We are from a religous family where sex after marriage is priority. When he told me he loved me, he got me a ring and took me to our holy place of worship and told me that he is marrying me with the ring, infront of the gods and did the rituals too. I am very sure no man will do this if they are only fooling around! I have sworn to be a wife to him. He has a shaken marriage and so have I. We love being together, being in love. I wish to be his forever.

  94. Tara Says:

    Hi.
    Im also very much in love with a married man It all started about six months ago. We met online, and started chating. After the day that we met we talked more and more. He lived aboout and hour away from me and since It was my last year in school. I would often come to his house during the week and on weekends. He informed me in the very begining that he was married but at the moment his wife and daughter were living with his en laws. I thought that our realtonship was strictly about sex but it soon blossomed into something else. When we saw each other I would feel so happy just hearing his voice or lying next to him made me happy. So as time went on things started to really heat up and we would be sleeping together all the time. He is really good in bed. and I think thats why im stuck in this rut…. Well to make a long story short he had started to get ready to sell his house then the next thing I know he dosent call or text me for two weeks so I decide to text him and he finally lets me know that his family is coming back to live with him. So he says that he dosent know what that means for him. he says that his daughter is the only reason he is doing this. And that she is the most important thing in his life. Im am a mess and I really dont know what to do besides move on …. I feel like things arent really finished. BUt i do know there is no way i can sleep with him anymore… And im wondering if he really cares about me will he tell his wife.. im wondering alot help me…..

  95. getting over it Says:

    For all of you who have said don’t do it… you are so right.

    I saw a MM for two years. The worst two years of my life. I say that, and I know that, and yet I am still so sad not to have him anymore. I am so angry. At life, at him, everything. And so so jealous. I wish I could be him and have a lovely wife and family and a wonderful lover who you knew would be there for you at the drop of a hat.

    It all started on the internet. We talked, innocently at first, and then not so innocently. We met, and we were gone. I spent one year seeing with him for a few hours once a week. I left my partner at the time, not because of MM, I had already wanted to do this before I met him. A month or two later MM left his wife.

    Did he come to me? No. He left his wife over a year ago, and all this time he asked me to wait for him, to wait until he sorted out his life and what he wanted from it… so I waited… and waited… he couldn’t commit, couldn’t spend time with me, but yes, he was quite able to sleep with me and then leave. Not even to be with his wife, just to be alone to “think” about things.

    I had enough. I loved him, but the sheer frustration of not being able to have him was ruining my life. Two days ago I told him that I would not sleep with him with no commitment anymore. I wouldn’t be hidden anymore. Then it all came out. Basically he couldn’t commit to me after he left his wife, because he’s not sure if he wants to go back to her now or not. I feel used, sick and betrayed.

    What gets to me the most, was his steadfast refusal to end things with me, even though he knew how much pain he was causing me. Even now, after all this time, he still refuses to make a decision about us. He will not let me go because he is a coward and a narcissist. He truly does not care for anyone other than himself.

    Never get involved with a married man. I know out there somewhere is a great guy for me. But it’s not this guy. Yes he was wonderful, but honestly, how hard is it to be wonderful when you see someone a few hours every week?

    Good riddance I say. He’ll never find happiness in the way that I am now free to do.

  96. choose_what_is_right Says:

    I agree with #14. It really feels good to end up a relatioship with a married man because thats the greatest thing I ever done for myself. After 4years of dating, I finally broke up with him it is not because he chosed to say with his wife but because of OTHER WOMAN. I gave him all my love, care, and everything and I was just so stupid to hope and wait for the perfect time that we could be together for life. But all i got were empty promises. Our break up really caused me so much pain especially on the first day. I cried so hard that i almost lost my breath. But crying made me feel better. Yes, im on the process of healing right now. It’s been a week. Sometimes, i thinked about him and misses him. But i stand firm with my decision to never go back to him. The secret of getting survive is constant PRAYER. That’s what im doing. Whenever i feel lonely, i asked GOD to strengthen me and give me the courage to move on.
    HE is my Healer and my Comforter. God fills the emptiness in my heart, so I found joy and innerpeace. As for now I am praying that God will guide me every step of the way. I am certain that God prepared the right one for me. Someone who is SINGLE and deserve my love and loyalty.

  97. confused but in love Says:

    Let me start with WOW I thought I was the only one doeing this.

    I have been dating a mm for 2.5 years and am truely 100% in love with him. We are both intimatly and emotionally involved. In the beginning, I was unhappily married with kids and him with 2. Immediatly we began planning how we were going to be together and and at what point in our relationship we were going to do what. Well after a year in I left my husband (more for my own reasons not for him). My mm was there for me the whole time and still is. We use to see eachother every single day and text and talk.Now do to circumstances we only get to see eachother 3-4 times a week and I HATE it. I know he loves me with all his heart. But I am afraid that because he does not like change and she will use his kids against him he will not leave her. I have made severial comments about backing off and maybe I am not the right person. But as soon as I see him or talk to him it all changes and the only thing I can do is fall into his arms and be with him. He tells me that he wants to be with me and have a life with me but we need to get my health under control first. He has meet my kids and my family knows of him but not that he is married. Like I said he is always there when I need him and helps me whenever he can. I will be there for him and love him for as long as I can.
    My problem is I am tiered of being home alone at night and on holidays. I want to be held at nite in bed. I don’t want to be 2nd best but I don’t want to loose him or give him up. I WANT HIM TO CHOOSE ME. Our plan was to be togeter in 5 years, do I give it that time or what. He has shown me what real love is suppose to feel like. Any Advice????

  98. Sometimes things work out... Says:

    I found this site one night when I was upset with my MM. Its amazing to me that so many people find themselves in this situation. I have been seeing my MM for 7 months… he has been married for about 3 years with no kids…. he is AMAZING… we have ALL had a long rough road and we’ve been through so much together. We are best friends and I could not ask for anything more in a significant other. Once our relationship became serious he has not been ashamed of me or tried to hide our relationship. We took necessary steps to determine whether or not we belong together and the conclusion was apparent….they mutually agreed to get a divorce.

    The long version of my story is much more detailed. I just wanted the people on this site to know that sometimes… rarely… but sometimes things can work and turn into the best relationship anyone could ask for.

  99. Here's some excellent advice Says:

    I noticed that most of you were asking for help, but many of you responded with similar stories. I too am dating a married man who assures me he will leave his wife in November. I will give him that time, and if he hasn’t made a move, then I will walk away. That is my vow to me so that I can stay sane for the next three months. I love him, yes, and he loves me. But life is too short, and I’m not willing to wait forever. I’m better than that, and so are all of you.

    There is a book out there that has been a great help to me in navigating the dating world (I’m 47, divorced for 3 years after being married for 22, and believe me, dating after that long was mindboggling to say the least). I’m sure you’ve heard of it, and it’s soon to become a movie. It’s called “He’s Just Not That Into You.” There is a chapter titled, “He’s just not that into you if he’s still married.” Here are a few nuggets of wisdom from the book that may help you out and put you and your relationship into perspective.

    • If the person you “love” cannot freely spend his days thinking about you and being with you, it’s not real love. (I know, most of you will disagree, but just think about it)
    • He’s married and having an affair which indicates (1) He’s okay with being dishonest (2) He’s fine cheating on his wife (3) He has no regard for his marriage (4) He has no real regard for you, because what you’re getting from him is scraps–stolen time that’s cloaked in shame.
    • No matter what his relationship is with his wife, you are still helping a man cheat on his wife.
    • Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.
    • You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready.

    The last piece of advice is the one that really rings true for me. If my MM hasn’t moved on by November, then that last thought is what will give me the strength to leave.

    I hope this has helped.

  100. In love Says:

    #33 thank you soooo much for everything u ve said!!!!!!!
    Now I know what I gotta do! END IT! END IT! END IT!!!! Way to much pain for somebody who is not worth it! OK may be he is wotrh it…but I cant deal w this any longer, just the thought of him being next to her in bed is killing me!!! Im gona go crazy! I am going to be brave tmrw and end this! Wish me luck!:)

  101. surprised Says:

    I am pretty young and am soo surprised to see that there are so many women out there that are in almost the same situation I am. I started this whole mm thing about two months ago. Things have progressed very fast between us because 1) we work together, so we see each other all the time. Plus we im each other all day. 2) we have so much in common that we have become great friends 3) I am insanely attracted to him. He is thirteen years my senior. We started sleeping together when his baby was not even three months old. Which blows my mind.

    He never makes any promises and I don’t push for any. I know my place and that was a hard pill for me to swallow in the beginning. But now I have accepted it and try to take it for what it is. We typically just see each other on weekdays and have once spent time together on the weekend. We don’t text or talk in the evenings because of records.

    I know his wife is very much a presence in his life. An important one at that, or at least one that he values. He even talks about her sometimes. Little things. It drives me insane and I have already told myself that next time he brings her up I am going to ask him not to because I already feel guilty enough. What do I say and how do I say it as to not sound demanding or jealous?

    He has been gone for a week. Called once (the office) and e-mailed once. As I write this and give details, I am realizing how much he is neglecting me. The thing is- he is just an exciting side thing for me too. I keep extremely busy and quite frankly I am not in love with him. But sometimes I think I am falling in love. Its like a battle.

    I guess I can’t complain. He won’t leave and I don’t expect him to. I would love some feedback ladies!

  102. In NEPA Says:

    I am dating a married man. He told me he had plans to leave his wife of a few yrs, even before we got together. He is always there for me; if I text him a sad face, he immediately goes out and calls me.

    He and his wife have no children.

    He says he is falling in love with me. He says I am the happiest thing in his life.

    We spent 3 hrs the other day just looking into each others eyes and so on. He dedicates songs to me, calls me every chance–sometime 5 times or more a day. I am missing him right now.

    Today is Sunday, and for the first time, I have not heard from him. My heart hurts.

    I am lonely and in love.

  103. mileena Says:

    I have been dating a married man for almost 6 months and so far I can’t complain. He knows how to treat me like a lady and I can see why hes hitched.I’ve always known he was married, even while we were flirting initially I didn’t care.I just went with the attraction I felt for him and threw caution to the wind. it took him a while to make the first move but when he finally asked me out on a date I melted.He laid the ground work immediately and I agreed to work around his schedule(I had just gotten out of a long term relationship and just wanted to date casually)Initially he was paranoid and nervous about being caught but once he got over that he was able to enjoy the process and was excited to have me as his gf.Once he got over his paranoia we finally got to have sex and all the wait made it that much more explosive.He is more romantic then any other guy I’ve ever been with and he makes me feel special.as of now hes excited to have me as his gf and likes the fact that he can date a woman with no strings attached again and Im glad to be with a mature man who has treated me better then any guy Ive dated so far.Just recently he made it up to me after a string of date cancellations by inviting me to his place for the first time. His wife was out of town and he decided to cook me dinner and even let me spend the night.I do fear that one day i will want him as my own but for now this will do.

  104. Loopy Says:

    Just like u Mileena, I’ve dated a MM for 5 mos. He has no kids. But we haven’t had sex. It’s all just been heavy flirting, lots of sexual fantasy talks. Though there is no denying the mutual physical attraction. I’m 45 yrs old and have had many boyfriends in my past (divorcing now after 20 yrs). He is the first guy ever that gets me sooo sexually hot!! If he was brave enough to get together with me sexually, I know I would not hesitate. I’ll be honest…I feel just as you do in that I don’t care that he is married and have just thrown caution to the wind. I don’t ask much about his marriage/wife and he doesn’t talk about it either. But from comments here and there I can tell they don’t have much of a relationship. We relate and communicate really well with each other other than the sexual/flirting talk. I just wish it was more…but he hasn’t made any moves towards the physical. I’m just gonna move on and try to get over him.

  105. haley Says:

    Well I am on here so obviously YES I am dating a MM. It is everything everyone say.. the sex the frienship etc. but everytime I spend any substantial time with him he kind of freaks out and goes through a huge guilt phase and says he needs to know why he feels this guilt… he admits he does love his wife and doesnt feed me lines but I believe he is in denial… After an amazing time together he has told me he cant have sex with me at all anymore but wants me in his life and wants to be my friend and we will hang out and we will see eachother again but that he has to figure some things out.. has anyone ever been through this and how did you deal with it? do they come back after their little episodes of guilt… should I just leave him alone till he contacts me? Thanks .. hurting!

  106. confused in love Says:

    I’ve been dating a MM for 11 months now. My MM tells me he is in love with his wife, has a wonderful sex life with her, and doesn’t know why he cheats. I know he will never leave her. He has a daughter with her whom he is crazy about. They’ve been together for 10 years married for 5. I always joked and told him “just don’t fall in love with me” but the truth is, I’m the one who fell in love with him. My family knows I’m dating him, but don’t know he’s married. I don’t see him on weekends or holidays. I see him almost every day after work. It’s not all about sex with us. We have so much fun together. We can just be sitting down talking and enjoying each other’s company… and have a great time. I am young, and have been asked out by many young single guys. My MM is 13 yrs. older than me. I once asked him if I was wasting my time with him, and even though he hesitated to answer, he did and his answer was “yes”. Even though I know all this, it is so hard for me to break it off with him. I am so comfortable with him. he makes me laugh, he treats me like a princess… but I know his wife is his queen. I know if I stop seeing him I am going to be very depressed. HE is my happiness, my motivation, my all, but I know that I’m not all these things to him. I don’t want to leave him… even if I only get a few hours on the weekdays, sometimes I think that’s all I need… but I do cry myself to sleep sometimes. I feel lonely and the worst part is, while I’m there alone, he is cuddling with his wife, sleeping in their bed. I don’t know what to do anymore. We talk about being together in our next life, but I don’t want to wait for our “next life” I want to be with him on this life time. What do I do? Does anyone have any advise for me? I just can’t leave him. I don’t want to leave him.

  107. James Says:

    I’m a MM and am dating a woman for the past year while seperated and living apart from my wife. The woman I am seeing knows my whole story. I started dating this woman while I was still living at home, but I didn’t feel right. I felt like i was “having my cake and eating it too”. My wife and I weren’t getting along, so I decided I needed to move out. Once I got my own place my girlfriend eventually moved in with me. Now my wife comes around and wants to reconcile for the kids. I want to pose a question: I’m torn between moving back with my wife for my son’s sake, but even though I’ve been apart from my wife I still take care of and spend time with my son. I’m really in love now with my girlfriend, everything she is what i want to be with. i just don’t know what I should do. Do I move back home and continue an unhealthy relationship in front of my son? Or should I do what would make me happy and stay with my girlfriend?

  108. contentwithit4now Says:

    I have been dating a MM for about 7 months now. The ironic thing is that I was recently divorced from a man I was with for 9 yrs only to find out just b4 signing our divorce papers that in fact he had been having an affair for the last year of our marriage.. Back then I swore I would never be with a MM. Soon after my divorce I found that it was fun to be in the dating society again, evn though it was scary at first.But it didnt seem to matter that it was just fun for me.. to just play the field so-to-speak!Then I ended up in a relationship with someone a great guy who gave me his attention, and we enjoyed being with each other and then after 8 months he decides he doesn’t want to be committed and isn’t ready for a “serious” relationship… go figure right?? Well it took a couple of weeks to regain confidence in myself again but I did. There was no love-loss in that relationship so I didnt have a broken heart just help me to take a few steps back and really look at myself and what I wanted… Which is when I get to the part about the MM I am still with. Like so many of the postings previously. I too have not asked for him to leave his wife, family etc. We started out as just in it for the sex the excitement, I couldn’t believe I was actually doing the unthinkable!! But I could not help how sexually attractive I was to him.. He made me fell like I was irresistable..and still does that has not changed ever! What has changed is the feelings have been out in the open between the two of us since two weeks into this. I resisted with the whole “I Love You” for a while as I wasnt sure in the beginning. I do Love him and everything about him. Yes he may be having his cake and eating it too. But I knew he was a married man when I met him.. I also know that she does not have sexual desire for him as she has many of her own self confidence issues, she refuses to admit they have issues emotionally and sexually. because she chooses to deny this she still lives her fantasy marriage with him and represents their marriage as one that is perfect and without flaw. Although there have been a few times recently that he has almost left, because he just cant take the emptiness he feels when he is at home with her. But he ultimately chooses to stay as they have a two-yr old daughter together. This much I can undestand.. But what he fails to see is the emotional or the lack of for that matter that he is allowing his daughter to be subject to. If there truly is issues in his marriage than all they are doing is hiding the enevitable, or at least covering it up.. But as far as he and I are concerned, we know how we feel about each other and that is that we truly do LOve on another. he always says that he knows that I will be the one to end it because he knows that I will eventually want someone that will give me their undivided attention and i will want someone that can truly be 100% committed to me. He has never promised me that he would leave his wife nor have i or will i ask him to. That is something tha he will have to figure out for himself. Yes i would be lying if i said that i dont want him to myself because I do.. but i truly am satisfied with what we have together right now. yes at times it is lonely, but for the most part we see each other at least 2-3 times a week and at least one full day and night on the weekends.He tells me he never wants to lose me, but that we both know that one day it will end, and we have agreed to try no matter how hard it will be that when the day comes that it is over to try to remain close friends and handle it maturely. I believe sincerely that I am content with the way things are right now, but i wont say isnt hard at times cuz it is but I keep myself busy and try to be positive and continue living my life as I would if he wasnt in it with the exception of the fact that I have not made myself available to anyone in eight months… like I said I Love this man and right now i am content with being comitted to just him. I have to add that I have never experienced a love like this with anyone else before,… not ever. I never thought feeling this much love for each other was ever going to be an option for me.. So therefore I will take the Married Man that I know loves and desires ME over the dating game any day… Everyone finds love at one point in time in their life. And to be able to experience this with this MM is worth it in my eyes and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. No question! Because in the end ” it’s not the years in you life that matters, but the life in your years!”

  109. Mr. Man Says:

    To: “..”106 by confused in love”…” I’m a MM and was in a relationship with a woman for over a year. I will tell you right now… Only stay in the relationship if you feel that it is what you can deal with. Because more then likely he is not going to leave his wife. He even came out and told you this. Not saying what you are doing is bad but if you think about it the end of you an his relationship is going to be a broken heart. Not just for you but for him too. Beleive me I know, I’m going through it. Me and the woman I was seeing have just went our ways after several attempts of trying to remove ourselves from each other. And it is very very hard. I cant eat, cant sleep and I just mope around the house… Its just as bad for her. We’ll both get over it. Easy for her though cuz she’ll move on and find someone else but I’m stuck at home in a marriage that I’m not all that happy with. So if your worried about being depressed, I say dont worry because being depressed and heart broken is THE ONLY way your relationship is going to end. Its gonna heart too….

  110. Mr. Man Says:

    One more thing… People shouldn’t always assume that this is only hard on the woman. I told the woman I was seeing from the start. “This cant turn into a relationship” and when I seen that it was I tried to end it… She would tell me…”Everything is cool lets just keep going” so I did… I would say after the first six months the relationship went from fun to stressful. By now she was telling me I needed to leave my wife-which is something I never told her I would do- I understood that she was lonely and would often cry. I would tell her.. “You deserve more… and I’ll leave you alone so you can find someone” I did tell her though as long as she was with me she could only be with me… And when she was ready to be with someone else then I would leave her alone. I became so attached to her that I became very jealous and suspicious of her activities when we were not together… I know I shouldn’t have because I was the MM but My feelings were so fully vested into the relationship I couldn’t picture her with someone else.. She use to call me and send me text messages all the time… I would spend countless nights staring at my phone to see if she would call or text… She finally moved away out of state. She asked for me to leave my family and move with her however I just felt that I have an obligation to raise my child therefore I could never leave my daughter to be raised in a single household family. She has went as far as trying to hurt herself over us not being together..She has recently told me that she was going to start seeing other men. That really hurt and has sent me really in to a depressed state. She just doesn’t understand. She says, “I know you love me… And can tell its hurting you… I don’t understand why you just wont leave” I have to get over here because my life is horrible now. Thinking about her and who she is with or what she is doing is effecting my work and my home life. I will know longer answer her calls or e-mails. Not trying to be a jerk but I have to cut ties with her at least for some time. The roles have reversed… Now I’m the one that is miserable. I know that this is my Karma for cheating on my wife, My Karma for looking at my daughter each morning knowing I was going to see another woman, my Karma for kissing my wife with the same lips that had just been on another woman only hours before. Before I started having this affair I was a different person. Very confident, very calm and laid back. Very easy going. She was my kryptonite and she broke me… Like I said its my Karma and this is what I deserve… It will get better for me in time though… I just have to stay busy and try an work on my marriage. Just wanted to share this because I always here how this effects the “Other woman” but never the man.

  111. stacey Says:

    it is hard. falling in love with a married man is easy. the hardest bit is trying to move on without him.

  112. Brenda Says:

    I’ve been seeing a married man (he’s been married for 16 years) for 3 months. We haven’t had sex. It’s been more of a emotional relationship. I am following all the rules above and it has seemed to backfire. I am a immensely private woman. I find that he wants people to know that we’re seeing each other. He’s very very very affectionate in public. No matter where we go, and is in no way hiding me. I knew going into this that all we could be are friends. He’s in love with me and I know it. I feel it when I look in his eyes, his physical display of affection, phone calls, text messages and messages and comments left with my friends. I won’t sleep with him because I scared that this will cause another deep level to the intimacy bond that we have. I followed the rules to this game and he’s turned into the obsessed. How do I break it off without things turning bad?

  113. James Says:

    Hey Mr. Man, I am going through the exact same thing that you are. I just recently stopped seeing the woman after more than a year together, I feel the same way you do…I can’t stand to think about her being with somebody else because we grew so close to each other. I’m depressed and alot of times I reconsider if I should try to get her back. Only difference is I actually moved out from my wife and got an apt. And once I broke it off with the other woman, I moved back in with my wife.I’m trying to take it one day at a time but I find myself thinking about her all the time constantly checking my phone for new texts. I’m asking myself if I made the “right” decision…I was never more happy than when I was with her, but I have a responsibility to my son and thats why I didn’t divorce my wife and even though I was out of the house I didn’t end the marriage completely. I keep asking myself “Did I make the right choice?” Right now it doesn’t feel like I did.

  114. lonely and depressed Says:

    I’ve been involved with a MM for several months. I knew he was married and wouldn’t leave his wife, but I went ahead anyway. He travels on business a lot, so I spend the night with him a few times a month. We also meet during the day but not always for sex and get this! We hold hands, kiss and are very affectionate in public…it’s incredible. Is he just being brash or what? He keeps telling me that we shouldn’t fall in love, but I think it’s too late for me. He’s been married over 30 years and loves his wife, although they don’t have sex. But she does every thing else for him! He treats me very well and the sex is the most amazing I’ve ever had. But it’s an emotional rollercoaster…the highs are followed by such incredible lows. I get depressed sometimes on weekends and holidays because I’m alone and he spends it with his family. He’s as happy as a pig in s#$% and why shouldn’t he be? He has two women catering to his every whim.

    I’ve tried dating other men, but no one can hold a candle to him. I get so angry with myself and with him; thinking that he’s a selfish, lying ass*^$# but that all goes away when I see him, get a phone call, text or email from him. I know this is wrong and I need to end it. I’m not some youngster; he and I are both middle aged. Also, I’m not the first woman he’s cheated with; but they were all married and I’m single. The depression and loss of self esteem is killing me. Part of the problem, too is that I’m going through some hard times financially, and he gives me an allowance. Some words of advice, please.

  115. westcoast woman Says:

    I have been on the verge of dating a MM for about 2 months (perhaps we HAVE been “dating,” though we sure as heck do not actually go on dates, but only meet clandestinely to chat each other up). Like many of you, we worked at the same location; like many of the married men, he is unhappy in his marriage. We slept together once, about a month ago, and it was unreal, very satisfying, very connected. Yet after this we decided it was dishonest and unkind to move forward in such a way, but we’ve continued to text each other and “accidentally on purpose” bump into each other at work or in the neighborhood, thinking “we can be friends, right?” Nevertheless, I’ve felt uncertain on how to proceed – what I want, what to expect from him, etc.

    Thank you #99 who posted, “You are not easily forgotten. Let him find you when he’s ready.” This is true not only for married men but for all men and women. Good things will come our way when we clear the space for them to arrive.

    Ultimately, I respect myself and I want to keep doing so. My vision of myself as a kind, confident woman is out of sync with my actions if I am dating a married man. I know this: I was cheated on once and it feels utterly terrible, no two ways about it.

    To #80 Broken Heart: I’m sorry for your experience; it sounds incredibly awful. Thank you for sharing this because it helped me to see that I don’t want to be an accomplice in creating that kind of pain for a woman and her family. I’ve already done enough in these 2 shorts months of flirting and playing.

    Thank you all for posting your experiences on this forum; it has helped me to see that dating a MM is not right for me.

  116. InToPieces Says:

    I started my affair with married man since i’m 17 years old.
    2 years gone.

    Then second married man when i’m 19.
    4 years gone.

    The third married man when i’m 23.
    5 years gone.

    Dont do the same mistake girls.
    Looking at those time i waste, i could have build a better relationship with a single man.
    This man wont commit anything.
    You spend most of time checking on him because you know you cant trust him. All the guy i dated are same story.

    Relationship that require you to be an inspector. Checking on him. Then you will ask yourself, what am i doing?
    This suppose to be a normal love affair.
    It never normal since beginning. You know it.

    I’m in my late 20s, i feel better now. He just dump me. Great! I’m starting looking for single man to start a real relationship.

    Dont hold your life for something like this.

    Its just hurt, wasteful and you build nothing there.
    Just a small hope that you think it will shine someday.
    Well, whatever he said, that wont happen.

    Join me to a better life without married man!
    We deserve all those weekend that he is not available and we end up alone. We deserve better!!!

    I / we had enough of them!

  117. OldHat Says:

    I have been in a relationship with a married man for 9 years. Yes – I am a veteran. We started out as friends, became best friends and it wasn’t long after that I knew he was the person I was supposed to grow old with. At the time that we started our relationship, we were both married. I had two children and he had two. After two years of being in our relationship, I found out that he had gotten his wife pregnant. This was a really hard time. I can tell you that both of us were having sex with our spouses and we both knew this. We were only doing it to maintain peace.

    Two years ago I divorced. It had finally gotten too bad and I realized that my children would be better off (This had been the only reason I stayed in the marriage as long as I did in the first place).

    He is still in his loveless marriage and it has been continuously getting harder for us. Although within the last year we have spent more and more time together and I have seen proof that he has not been with his wife sexually for more than 2 years, I am beginning to doubt that we will ever be together the way that I want it to be.

    If there is such a thing as a soulmate – he is mine. When we are together it is as though the rest of the world doesn’t exist.
    He insists that he is planning to leave her at the end of this year but I just am not sure I can hang on. What should I do? I love this man with all of my heart and cannot imagine my life without him but I am ready for our life together to start NOW! Help!

  118. MsSensual Says:

    Currently seeing a TWO married men. Mmy partner of 7 yrs recently asked for time out…. I totally agree with the tip that says : Don’t wait around for him, pursue your interests, go for dinner with otehr guys, take weekend break away from the city w/ friend or alone…that’s the only way you’ll stay sane. They are in my life for different reasons but the basic thing is : they must call me if they need to spend time with me – and I shouldn’t be waiting for their call when it comes!

    Maybe I just need them to help me feel good again – feel appreciated – for affection – to talk to every now and then – great sex or to get spoiled ( even though I can still do it myself, it’s lovely when a man does it!). the most challenging part though is making sure that you don’t fall in love…..I have no idea what I will do when I reach that stage//

  119. anonymous,dated 2 MM both are very jelousy Says:

    I have dated 2 married man in my life,1 was 3years back where i enjoyed myself like there was no tomorrow,the wife found out about us and i said bye i can’t stand this life of sharing you with someonee.we still kept contact now and again,i then lost my fiance June 2007,I met a MM early this year.a very nice,respected man we went out on the First date.

    he set he rules saying no calling or sending sms’s late at nite,last and important rule he said don’t fall pregnant.I then set my rules and said well don’t worry what makes a woman pregnant is SEX me and You are not have sex as you are getting from ur wife so why do you want it form me.he used to introduce me as his wife and refer to me as wiffy!!!!!!!!!

    everything was ok,i was in small heaven with the way he threated me,he wanted to attend his brother wedding at some point.one day he was going through my phone of which at that point i was chating to my ex married man,i refused for him to see my phone,i then asked him not to as i was chating with a guy who killed my fiance.he did’nt believe then he started beinged very moody saying i cheated on him.after a coulpe of weeks he said it time we met in bed, i said hell NO.that was the last of him til today

    guys i feel that is a temple of god i only slept with my fiance and no one else so i wont sleep with niether of them.it is very nice to a date a married man.

  120. anonymous,dated 2 MM both are very jelousy Says:

    I have dated 2 married man in my life,1 was 3years back where i enjoyed myself like there was no tomorrow,the wife found out about us and i said bye i can’t stand this life of sharing you with someone else.we still kept contact now and again,i then lost my fiance June 2007,I met a MM early this year.a very nice,respected man we went out on the First date.

    he set he rules saying no calling or sending sms’s late at nite,last and important rule he said don’t fall pregnant.I then set my rules and said well don’t worry what makes a woman pregnant is SEX me and You are not gonna have sex as you are getting from ur wife so why do you want it from me.he used to introduce to me people as his wife and refer to me as wiffy!!!!!!!!!

    everything was ok,i was in a small heaven with the way he threated me,he wanted me to attend his brother’s wedding at some point.one day he was going through my phone of which at that point i was chating to my ex married man,i refused for him to see my phone,i then asked him not to as i was chating with a guy who killed my late fiance.he did’nt believe me then he started beinged very moody saying i cheated on him.after a coulpe of weeks he said it time we met in bed, i said hell NO.that was the last of him til today

    guys i feel that is a temple of god i only slept with my fiance and no one else so i wont sleep with niether of them.it is very nice to a date a married man.
    I enjoyed myself

  121. A.L.Ross Says:

    I’ve been having fun pretending I’m having an illicit affair.. with my boyfriend! We write steamy letters to each other saying how hard it is to pretend to our “spouses” that nothing’s going on, and how excited we are to meet up at a no-tell motel that weekend.

    It’s a way to have cake & eat it too. We’re cheating on each other.. with each other!!

  122. EMMY Says:

    I need help. I’m desperate and going out of my mind because of my MM.

    It’s been 2 years since we started dating. We are in love (or at least he says he is in love with me), we see each other several times each week, I introduced him to my family a few months ago, and they know him as my boyfriend who is separated and waiting to finalize a divorce, although he is not. He spends time with me, we go out, he cooks for me and writes me poetry, buys me cards and flowers – he is my soul mate and no one has touched me like he has. But he’s married. He keeps promising he’s leaving his wife, who found out about me because she saw text messages, but he managed to convince her we’ve only kissed once. He is waiting to hear about a job and if he gets it he will be away in training for 6 months and when he comes back he promises they will divorce, and if he does not get the job they will start the process now. He has a 2 year old kid and doesn’t want to ruin the child’s life, and I’m trying to be understanding of that. But I’ve given this man the last 2 years of my life. He says I have shown him what love really is, I have opened his heart and have showed him what emotions are. He says he is not in love with his wife and looking back he never really was. It was just whatever, getting married seemed like the right thing to do. Do I believe his promises? He claims they sleep in separate rooms, never have sex (because she stopped wanting to after the kid was born) don’t kiss, hug, touch, or talk really. She always yells at him and blames him for things, like he can’t do anything right. Or so he says. Should I get out now or believe his promises? We are best friends and soul mates – I just don’t know what to do. Please help.

  123. somebodys fool Says:

    Well I am messing around with 3 different Married Men. I am about to go crazy, HOW and Why did I let this happen. I had to quit my job of 12 years, because this has consumed so much of my time. They all pay some type of bill for me, including my mortgage. They have turned me into a LIAR, having to lie to each of them. I am having unprotected sex with all of them, because I am allergic to latex. They all think they are the only one!! Go Figure!! I feel so guilty, its a shamed. And to make matters worse, I recently found out that I am 3 months pregnant. Now ladies…Whose damn baby is this?? Do I tell them? I basically want to just leave town…Being with a Married Man is no fun…at least not ANYMORE H E L P

  124. Phenister Says:

    I’m in love with a married man, he always complain about his wife’s behavior, but he don’t show interest in me or give me enough time, what do i do?

  125. babe Says:

    i have been seeing a married man for the past three weeks and i hate to admit it this man makes me so happy. i had known him for over eight years but as a colleage. i dont need to call him he sort of feels it that i miss him and the moment i think of him he calls. he sort of reads my mind. I know its bad considering i know his wife. I dont need him telling me how bad his wife is. she is in every aspect because i have known them before they even got married. am not trying to defend him or make myself feel better about this whole thing but i think this man truly loves me At one point the wife tried to commit suicide because he had asked for a divorce and went for months threatening to kill herself should he leave her. so at the moment he is with her because he is scared she will commit suicide.
    He gives me so much more than i expected from a married man. I have dated married men before but they are not like him. I dont know if his behaviour is due to frustrations at home or trying to make up for the lost time.

    what makes this whole situation bad is am also married and to a man who seems not to notice me, they are two completely different people. My married Boyf does exactly the opposite of my husband. he kinda makes me feel whole in every way. Does not give me grief compared to my husband. Should i give him a chance???

  126. foxfire Says:

    hey everyone i’ve read thru all of these and to tell you guys most of what you say is true yes but have you ever thought that maybe the wife is the problem most off the times too.

    i’m involved with a married guy and i’ve seen what sum wives do to there husbands.

    ohk we work together an before we got involved we were best friends.he is a very gentle guy an every1 at work loves him to bits. it started out where she always moans about his friends and that when it comes to saturdays for his time out with males she picks fights with him just to keep him at home.

    one day after work he gave me a lift home and we started talking about our problems an he told me that his wife treated him like a child and that she had an affair with a friend of his and he forgave her but after he gave her a second chance she’s watching his every move. we’re togther now for 4mnths and she is still seeing the guy he caught her with. we’re happy and he still goes hme to her but in seperate rooms.

    this is just a short part of my story.

    TO EVERY FEMALE OUT THERE YOU CAN BE HAPPY WITH A MARRIED MAN IF YOU HAVE THO WHOLE STORY AND IF THER’S KIDS THE SAME THING GOES. WE HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS KIDS AND FROM ME I’VE FALLEN INLOVE WITH HIS KIDS AND TREAT THEM LIKE I’D TREAT MY OWN CAUSE IF YOU LOVE THE GUY U CAN BUILD A RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS KIDS.

    THIS IS WHAT I’M DOING JUST TO KEEP THE LOVE FLOWING AND THE WIFE AT BAY

  127. Naive...maybe so Says:

    I’m with #68, Satisfied…for now. So back at the beginning of the summer this guy contacts me through MySpace. He is the same age as me, 50. He tells me right up front he is married and that his wife is no longer interested. He has this incredible offbeat sense of humor, like mine. I find humor in a guy very attractive. I was intrigued but cautious at first. I was also trying to get into a relationship with another guy at the time (another story for another day and another site). I was up front and told him that I was in a new relationship. He said he liked my profile a lot and wanted to keep talking. I am married, too. I am separated from my husband and it is only a matter of time before we are divorced. So I am emailing back and forth with him and I am becoming more and more intrigued and interested. He fascinated me. But I was vacillating, too. I was torn between attraction for him, the fact that he was married, and trying to get this other relationship on the road. We started IMing and things really took off between us.

    The other relationship fizzled. In the meantime, I had already met up with the married guy and we not only hit it off, I was intensely attracted to him–something I just was not prepared for. The chemistry between us was electrifying. You know the old fireworks stereotype when people with chemistry kiss? Well, it happened. I tried to break it off with him a couple of times, but we just were too attracted to each other. The bottom line is that I have fallen in love with him. I have my eyes wide open. As I am still married myself, I’m in limbo anyway. I have a daughter who is in high school, so I refuse to get into a really committed relationship for the time being.

    This relationship works for me right now. We have a minimum of three years to either work things out or say goodbye. I am at a point where I can’t imagine not having him in my life. Be it right or wrong, I’m in this for the long haul. But, I’m not going to be completely stupid about it. If in three years when the kid graduates, if he is still not willing to make any kind of commitment to me and he is still with his wife, then as painful as it might be, I’m out of there. He is the type of person I will always be good friends with. I make no demands of him. He makes no demands of me. As a matter of fact, he clearly tells me that he cannot be what I need right now and I accept that. I honestly believe that this may very well end up going someplace, but I’m not going to be stupid about it. The biggest drawback to the relationship is that we have a little bit of distance between us, but believe me, even though I only get to see him about once a month, it is worth it. I am going to hold on to the moments I have with him because life is short, real chemistry between people is rare, and true love is elusive.

  128. Sad and Lonely Says:

    I have been dating a MM for 2 soon to be 3 years. At first he told he he was not married, but because I got this gut feeling that he was not telling the truth, I kept pressuring him for the truth. Fianally, after 3 months of dating I insisted on the truth. I really was not ready for the answer he gave. Yep, he was married. I had recently seperated from my husband of 12 years, due to irreconcible differences. My MM couldn’t have came at a better time. He was my knight in shining armor. Well two years later, I am sad, lonely, depressed, and taking anti-depressants to help ease the pain. However, there isn’t anything to take for heartache. He has never promised me that he would leave his wife, nor have I inquired about it. Ladies take it from me, if you can getout not then do so. Chances are they will NEVER leave. I mean why should they when they have a “Full course meal at home, and they can come to us for dessert”. I am so tired of seeing him only once a week. We really do deserve better, but it seems that it is less painful to be with them, than it is to be painful without them. He tells me how much he loves me, how much I mean to him, but yet and still I sleep alone each and every night. I don’t call that love. If I ever get out of this (and I promised myself that I will) I will never do this again.

  129. stupid Says:

    I have been in a relationship with a mm for 2 going on 3 years
    my advice to any woman thinking about it please,please don’t do
    it.It is heart breaking.If you think you are the only other
    woman you are stupid because like they say once a cheat always a cheat….We are worth more…..

  130. Help!! I am really confused.. Says:

    I met this married man 5 years ago. We started talking as friends. The occassional drink here and there.. phone calls became more frequent. He became the closest person to me. I was, and still am, in a relationship.. he is married with kids. We are both unhappy in our relationships. He will never leave his wife. I know that.. I am not wanting that. I will not leave my bf for him. But, I love him. It is hard to deal with this. He is my best friend. I have read so many things about how a married man does not respect the woman he cheats on his wife with.. I think that is so far from the truth.. We both have respect for each other.. I have never felt as though he did not respect me.. I knew when we first started talking that he had cheated on his wife in the past. Neither one of us expected anything more than friends out of our relationship.. I know that I am the first person he comes to with good/bad news, the person he enjoys being with, the person who can fulfill his needs. Why if I am not willing to leave my bf for him, does it bother me that he is not willing to leave his wife for me??

  131. lacey Says:

    people, u can tell someone that gettin involved with a married man is wrong, hurtful and ends in disaster! ive been there, i went in knowingly and also knowing of the above statement and my friends told me not to. but im curious by nature and i wanted to see what would happen nxt, and so i did…and as ive read on most of the stories on here, the same applied to me. he made me happy and i did have strong feelings for him…i became tolerant of a lot yhings i wouldnt normally have been…he left his wife (not because of me soley) but went back a month later, because of their little girl, they said they would give it another go. but he still did not want to give me up!! so i decided to see him one las time, which i did and i broke up with him the following day.i was sad, but happy, like a huge wieght had been lifted off my shoulders. i dint trust him and ended up paranoid, always trying to catch him in a lies, i was more unhappy than i ever had been!….

    now ask yourselves this “did he make you really happy?”….u and i got the good sex, dinners movies and the sweet words, time was too precious to argue when he was around, and when he was away you’re the one goin to bed with a hurting heart…ladies, theres is only a very small handfull of men who leave their wives for their bit on the side, no matter how much they tell you they love you…people are scared of change and the devil you know is better than the devil you dont know….

  132. Jennie Says:

    I am currently “casually” dating a married man. He confessed that he was married after we slept together for the first time. I could sense he was trying to hide something initially as he was EXTREMELY paranoid and secretive. I was a bit skeptical at first but we have so much in common and he made me feel great, so much so that I threw skepticism out the window.I don’t want anything serious now and its great for him too as I was more than willing to work around his schedule. Hes more relaxed now as he confessed that it was his first time cheating and his paranoia was what almost got him caught! Aside from that incident all is going smoothly, although from all of these stories and others Ive heard Im a bit scared.

  133. petite Says:

    Number 128 is exactly what I have been going thru for 22 months.
    I am also married and have an 11 yr. old.My married man tells me his wife is addicted to prescription drugs and he keeps telling her to get help but she just talks and no action. She has tried to commit suicide and been in and out of hospitals so he feels if he leaves she will do something crazy and he will not be able to live with himself. I feel that she is using her addiction to make him stay and why would she leave if he’s taking care of her and her habit.
    I’ve told my married boyfriend that I will not wait forever. The most I’ll give him is 3 years 2 decide. Then if he still with his wife by then I will walk away and have learned a valuable lesson and be stronger for it.
    Meantime I will enjoy our time together because we think so much alike and I do love him and I have never found that in a person

    I do feel lonely at times but I never call him or text until he
    does first. And sometimes he has to call me twice for I do not put my life on hold for him. I say if he truely loves me he will leave her and if not my life will go on.
    everytime he tells me he’d love to spend a weekend with me I just simply say…just think of all the weekends we will have together when u leave ur wife.
    He has talked about having a future with me for good and I say well, that’s up to u. I’m ready.
    So, ladies just live ur life. if it doesn’t work just know u never really had him to begin with.

  134. young_and_ foolish Says:

    I haven’t yet gotten involved with this married man.
    We met while I was interning at his workplace
    and for three straight months he would NOT leave me alone. I tried my hardest to act as though I was not phased by any of his advances.
    Finally toward the end of my internship I gave him my email address and now we email back and forth all day and have been for the last 2 and a half months that I’ve been away at school.

    he wants me to go see him when I come back to town and I do want to see him. Im having all those fears about the kids and the wife and the age difference isn’t that great. I mean, he’s only twenty four.
    I’m really attracted to him. and hey, Maybe this isn’t the best Idea… but the chemistry is great he’s alot of fun and I’m not expecting anything long term. Im sure that when the rush dies down he’ll be back to his wife.

    I don’t want to wonder what it would have been like if I had tried it.

  135. just wondering Says:

    So I have been seeing a married man for 3 weeks. We both like each other and enjoy each other’s company. He treats me very well but we see each other once a week given his commitment to his “family”. We plan on going away over christmas and all and being a student am excited about it because he is paying for it all and he is really classy- all those things that I would like in a man. The problem is am worried that I might get emotionally attached and won’t have him all the time. My other worry is our age difference he is well… 28 years older than me. so i can see myself being lonely when i need him. but so far its fun!

  136. Helpless Says:

    Its good and bad knowing how many woman are in the same situation. I am dating a married man. He is 14yrs older than me, no kids and tells me life is short and to just have fun. Life is short and I do want to have fun I just dont know who’s expense its going to be at. He will not leave his wife, I know this. Yet I continue to sleep with him cause of our amazing connection. After reading all these stories I cant help but feel it is true, if he is willing to lie to his WIFE he is willing to lie to you. Seems like we are all allowing ourselves to be used. I want to walk away so badly but Im so scared that I wont find someone like him. He gives me the attention I need and makes me feel so wonderful. This sucks How do you walk away? Im struggling so hard I want to leave but I cant.

  137. Rando Says:

    I am currently dating a married man,and am telling you its fun coz theres nothing that you guys can not do if you both into the same wavelength,man do cheat anyway so why bother?its better coz when he is not with you,he is with her.They are very loving and supportive in every way…….dont want anybody else but him.

  138. Kim Says:

    Okay, I too have been dating a married man. I fell in Love with him and he we have had soem great times togetther. I NEVER asked hm to leave his wife, ever! She found out and our contact is through text messages, on his pre paid phone.ANd a couple of random meetings! I am hooked on him. I am embarrced to say that in my 38 years he is the only man I ever loved. He tells me he loves and misses me. Then I don’t hear from him for days. He tells me we will make love again soon, and I wait! In my opinion to all the married men who fall in love and continue relationships, THE WORST thing to do is just CUT OFF the comminication. If it’s over, just tell her it is over! Don’t let her wait for nothing! I don’t think it is fair or even very nice !to not be honest! It hurts way too much!I know it is a hard thing to do, because of the sake of love, but if you love her you will tell her to move on! ANd maybe in the future things will be different!

  139. lisa Says:

    I started to date a married man this past july. We met through work. The only difference is I to am a married woman. We both decided that this was goig to be a no strings attached relationship. We never speak of love or leaving our spouses. We saw eachother for a brief encounter this evening and I ealized tonight that i am in love with him. This hurts me deeply because i know we will never be together and i can never tell him my true feelings. Why did i start this mess? I cannot sleep. All i think about is him.

  140. NeverThoughtIdBeTheOtherWoman Says:

    When I met him, he was separated from his wife. In fact, in the small amount of time they have been married, he has left her several times, so I met them in the midst of one of their separation periods. A year and a half after being introduced to each other via mutual friends (they thought we were perfect for each other, and seemingly we are, other than the fact that he\’s MARRIED), and nine months into \’dating\’, here we are…

    Right now, I\’m happy with this situation. I guess because I never stopped dating other men the entire time. I knew not to make any demands on him at all, but ironically, it seems to pay off because I see him a lot, and he\’s told me that I\’m priceless because I don\’t make demands on him or complain about the situation. We spend a lot of time together…I talk to him a lot, and he calls me EVEN when he\’s at home. We started out as friends first, and I believe that no matter what, we will always be friends because I\’m being realistic and keeping our situation in perspective.

    However, lately, I feel like we\’re getting in over our heads. I do not want his wife to find out…I do not want her to get hurt. And I never intended to \’take\’ him away from her. However, he\’s telling our mutual friends that he\’s making plans to leave her….again…and that he wants to be with me full time and he wants to start a family with me. He\’s told me several times that he wants a family with me, but I just blew it off when he says that because of the fact that he\’s MARRIED. It seems to me like I\’m the one trying to stay realistic, yet I think he\’s fantasizing about the alternative.

    I never thought that it was possible that I\’d EVER knowingly date a married man, but here I am. So far, no regrets.

  141. In Love with MM and Boss Says:

    It has been 1 1/2 years that I have been dating a MM, my boss. I have been separted for 1 year. His wife also works at the office. It is difficult. I can not stop. Many of these posts say to stop, don’t do it, but how? He has made no promises to me. He will not leave his wife, kids. I understand. It seems to be a all sex relationship. I love him but have not told him. I suspect me loves me also. Should I tell him my true feelings after 1 1/2 years?
    If his wife finds out I will lose my job. I do make them alot of money but she will not care. If he ends it I will leave.
    Many lonely nights, Thanksgivings, Christmas eve’s, etc. Depressing.
    Why do we torture ourselves like this with MM?
    He’s all I think about.
    It seems impossible to stop this at this point. I refuse to stop.

  142. Ariyon Sass Says:

    I was just browsing “Dating Married Men” and I came across this post.With reading all of this, it lets me know that Im not alone.I am 19 years old and I have been with 2 married men in their 30’s.One which was a bestfriend kind of relationship and one that was a “just sex” relationship.Married men tend to be the only men that I seem to attract.To me it is best to stop the cycle now because of I dont that will be basically my life story, “Single Woman Dates Married Men”, and it ends at that.I cant say that it has ruined my life or has damaged me but I can say that it was fun at the time.It sucks when you have to go home to an empty bed, spend all holidays alone, and wonder what the “other party” is doing.Keep in mind that I am only 19 years old and I have already experienced enough for an 40 yrar old woman to comprehend.When I first started dating I dated single men until I got my heart broken by one.So my intentions were to only date guys and whatever happens….Then I started thinking my relations and life would be better if I dont base everything around emotions and “Nice guys and gals finish last”.

    When I started working alot of men were taking interest in me and I ran into one that seemed really nice.He was very charming and he treated me with so much respect.He appeared to be a good talker and a hardworking “Christian Man”.He didnt smoke, dranked once in a blue moon.He gave me advice about issues I was having and we connected.He called it a “Brother/Sister Bond”.To me that was his way of covering up the fact that we had feelings for each other but he made himself actually believe thats what he was to me, for a while.As the weeks went by we got closer and we had talked about taking things to the next level.In our conversation he told me he was married with 5 children, one which was one year younger than me.He and his wife had been seperated for over a year and he still loved her but had no intentions of waiting for her to come around but still wanted to play the “Faithful husband”.He also had another babymother whom he shared 3 girls with, his wife had the other two.That didnt bother me cause it has never stopped anyone from creeping around every once in a while.
    He gave me verses in the bible everyday about temptation and fighting it.Days later came the flirting.People warned me about him and how he plays the innocent role to get women and young girls who are naive in bed.I listened to them but part of me wanted to get him into bed.It wasnt what I stood for cause I considered myself as a sophisticated young woman with morals and values.I was one of those women who said that I would never go there or stoop so low to degrading myself.I was smarter than what I appeared to be and I thought I was playing the game well.

    After weeks of flirting, I get a phone call one morning after work.(I didnt mention that this MM worked with me on my job,He was actually a Superior to me.) He called me to ask me if I could “help” him.I wasnt sure what he was talking about so he broke it down for me and asked me “the” question.(Can you still be friends with someone if you have sex with them?!?!)..I said yes and thats when we started having sex.(Which was a HUGE muistake by the way).It wasnt up to my expectations but it was good.Good enough to have me in love, but the sex wasnt the reason I fell for him.Like I said he was a charmer.He bought me things and he showed concern for me.Though I was in my world thinking I could get him if I wanted to, I mean REALLY wanted to, things still didnt go as I wanted them to.He was mixed with different emotions like one minute he wanted his wife and the next he wanted us to have an affair.After he got what he wanted (My Booty) he called me a few hours later saying that his wife wanted to work things out.

    Meanwhile buzz went around on the job about him.Things were said that I couldnt even phantom being true.Come to find out I wasnt the only one to have had a bond with him.Mostly all the women on the job did.Even he was having sex on the job.It got to me cause we’ve known each other for a year and during all of this happening I’ve been there.Through his seperation and I did everything for him.He had no car so I made sure he had a dependant ride.Whenever he called, I came.Seriously, I let him borrow money from me and not pay it back.I took care of him and his kids when everyone called me a fool.He was living with another woman and screwing her too, I found alot out about him.There were things he didnt tell me and he was supposed to be my friend.When I got tired of his drama and him using me I stopped all those things.No more money, rides, sex, conversation, no nothing.Not even friendship like we had.I moved on and he did too.When he realized that I was changing on him, he tried to make me feel guilty by saying he’s a good friend for life and I was being corrupted.His favorite line “Thats not how friends do friends”….More happened but I had to summon it up at that…

    My second experience is current.Something that just happened and I had no intentions of going there again but once again, it did.Only thing Im doing differently this time is doing away with emotions.This MM is a “just sex” thing.He dont talk and I dont ask.To me you shouldnt ask what you dont want to know.If you seek you’re gonna find something that possibly needs to stay hidden.Im not gonna lie, the sex is AMAZING!!….But once again running on emotions, you’ll wonder with lonliness.So I never second guess and I never think about nothing else but sex with him.It can be fun if you dont fall in love and see it as what it is.Its an so-so situation and once you get involved it becomes a habit you have a hard time breaking.Apart of me wants this current affair to end but everytime I go to break it, my fiene for him grows deeper cause its something I look forward to every week.Plus its mind blowing to live in a fantasy every once in a while.I wouldnt recommend anyone dating a MM but if thats what someone perfers then by all means do what fits you, its your comfort zone.On some ends it could be seen as bad but for some its about satisfaction, unless you plan on falling in love with him.(Which is a no-no.) I think everyone has explained those reasons clearly.

  143. Rajessh Says:

    My case is too similar to “#34 by inthisdeep”, I am married for last 11 years and but my marriage was too early just while passing out of my college. Me and my wife does not look not beyond 30 years of age. We have a 10 years old son.

    For last couple of years the emotional attachment between us has gone for a toss but it was my challenging job which kept me quite busy to think of anything else. Now i had recently changed my job which gave me opportunity to look here and there and I got stucked to a young, very pretty girl..things as of now have gone till coffee date, expressing my feelings and have told her frankly about my mar stat in the first date itself.

    As of now I am too tensed, too consfused on where to go and shall I or should i not pursue this relation at all. I love this girl too much and do not want to hurt in anyways.

    This site has all given me some indepth expereince of females who are in such relation and most of them have regrets..so I m pretty sad to know the outcome of such relations.

    Comments appreciated

  144. Tarah Says:

    I’ve fallen inlove with a married man who happens to be my boss, I didnt see this comming or plan it…

    It seems like i always had married men attracted to me & I didnt mind flirting now & then but never had i ever thought i would find myself emotionally & physically dependant on this relationship he is an amazing man its hard not to love him, but the thought of hurting is family satuarates my mind to point I cannot sleep…

    For the 1st time yesterday our relationship became physical & it hurts so much to think i allowed it to get to this point, am i so weak? Do I not have any morals & ethics how could I do this to another female? Everything I believed I was is nothing anymore I feel torn between so many worlds right now & the worst part is keeping the secret.

    I hate myself right now! Please ladies dont do this to urselves please! I am 21 years old marketing graduate have an amazing life filled with so much good things & look what I have become…

  145. married Says:

    I am married and have fallen in love with a married man. We both have similar situations, we have both been with our spouses since college, married too young, had children prior to marriage, etc. I have known him for 5 years and never thought of anything happening until about 8 months ago. We started talking, texting, meeting up and it just happened. I never wanted to be “the other woman”, but couldn’t stop it. He is the most amazing man I’ve ever known. He was clear up front that he would not leave his wife and that was OK because I have no intentions of leaving my husband either. It was great for about 4 months until one of his children found something that made them suspicious of him. He said he could not hurt them and we ended it.The problem is…I am not ready to let go. He still looks at me kind of flirty like he wants me, but can’t. Is there any advice on how to rekindle this affair?

  146. DontDoIt Says:

    I have just finished reading many of the postings on this site. The common thread is that despite the attention and fun of being with a MM, there is frustration, sadness, heart-break, guilt and constantly feeling like you are “the other woman”. It’s not worth it. My experience with a MM was that I filled a void for him which he does not have with his wife. Same story: flirty texts, emails, calls, fun nights out (he lives in another state), waiting with excitement for every call and every date. You get attention and enjoy it, it’s human nature isn’t it? But it’s a dead end road. We thankfully didn’t sleep together, but that doesn’t let us off the hook. I ended it after 3-4 months because it didn’t make sense to me. It wasn’t going anywhere, and despite talking about his miserable marriage, he never spoke of an intent to leave but always talked about how much he loved being with me (and I with him by the way). Sure, I thought of him as “the one” and fantasized about a life together. He really is a wonderful guy and treated me like a queen. It’s been heart-breaking to end it even though it was the right thing to do. Think of getting in a relationship with a MM like investing in a stock you will NEVER get a return on – it’s not worth it. Ever. And all the questions of “should I do this,” “should I get out,” “what am I doing”? These are the little voices in your head which exist because what you’re doing is wrong and way too complicated. You are too good for that. Rise above.

  147. betterthanthat Says:

    I spent the last six years on and off with my mm. It was exciting and fun at first. We have known each other since we were teenagers we are now in our fifties. I gave my heart and soul(and a lot of loving) in the relationship and that is how I am. I knew he was not leaving his family but I was ok with that. I was satisfied with what I could get. Part of the reason I was so into him was because I believed that he really had something for me as well. One day something happened I fell and hurt myself going to see him. My arm was hurt really bad. He didnt offer to take me to the doctor or even call to see if I had made it home ok. Not only was my arm hurt but my feelings were hurt even worse. A week went by and he did not even call to see how I was. I could not even comb my hair because of my arm. It turned out to be a blessing because it helped me to realize that I needed someone who would be there for me in the good and the bad times. So I ended the relationship and I have no regrets and oddly enough no pain in the heart.

  148. moveon Says:

    its been 4 months dating a MM, we met at work, but it feels so weird lately I fell USED, and the negative thoughts and guilty feeling overpower any good feelings, so Im going to end this as soon as He comes back from christmas holidays w his family…and move ON

  149. holidayalone Says:

    Two Christmases alone while my MM goes to spend the holidays with his children, who I have never met. I have unhooked the phone because I don\’t want to celebrate the day with a phone call from the person who is supposed to be #1 in my life.

    I believed my friend would get a divorce and we would build a future together . . . rather foolishly, I became financially entertwined and only stopped the money connection when a girlfriend opened my eyes. ( a bit too late)

    I\’m already divorced; yeah, it was tough going through a divorce. There are lots of reasons why his divorce never happened, after 3 years. Here are a few reasons he mentioned,which might ring a bell with others: 1. My wife won\’t give me a divorce. 2. I don\’t want to hurt the children. 3. I\’m really busy right now. 4. I don\’t know a lawyer. 5. I forget I\’m married — it just doesn\’t seem important. 6. My son is heading to medical school and I don\’t want to upset him at this time. 7. My children won\’t understand. 8. Does it really make a difference if one is in love?

    The more I thought about it, I pondered a few reasons that were NOT mentioned: 1. I don\’t want a divorce because I will have to pay mandatory child support. (He pays when it\’s convenient.) 2. I don\’t want a divorce because I like the way things are. 3. My children are the most important thing in my life and I would never hurt them — not even for you. 4. If I got a divorce, we\’d have to figure out our future. 5. I\’m financially responsible for my family and I don\’t need another financial obligation. (He contributes when it\’s convenient.) 6. Having a girlfriend gives me extra status with my friends. 7. I like having two homes in two towns.

    Like #149, I want to end this when he reappears after the holiday.

    My therapist advised me against this affair, asking me if I was prepared to accept \”leftovers.\” I don\’t think I really understood what that meant . . . lies, secrets, holidays alone, financial issues . . . no matter how much love there is . . . dating a MM provides a bad foundation for moving toward the future. I get LEFTOVERS now.

  150. #150 Says:

    How can I quit seeing him? A part of me doesnt want to stop seeing him, it’s only been 5 months…I have so much fun with him…I love him…I know I have to end it…When we’re not together, I can say it, I can say it’s over but when we’re together, I can’t do it. I can’t imagine not being with him but it’s Christmas and he’s with his wife. He’ll be with her on New Year’s as well. I know I deserve more than he can give me. But I know he’s planning on leaving her, all of his friends tell me it will happen soon that we’re good together, just wait. I feel like such a fool.

  151. = Says:

    All the women here who have ever dated a man they knew was taken…shame on you all. You’re all a disgrace, disgusting and selfish, esteem-sucked morons. Wake up and realise you have no right to be doing what you’re doing, and stop entertaining the scummy men cheating on their wives. Get some respect for yourselves and others.

  152. KJ Says:

    i have been dating a married guy for the past year now. at first he was straight forward with me and said he didnt know if he was going to leave his wife or not because of the kid they have together. but 2 months later he didnt and have been split up for 9 months now. they have already went to court for child support and is workin out the divorce. he said they would have to be legally separated for a year before they divorce takes place which they almost have. he says he loves me and other than his child i have the most important person to him. it hurts me though when he talks to his ex. but he only does so he can talk to his kid. is everything goin to work out bewteen us? does he really love me? i dont want to be part of they statistics

  153. Butterfly Says:

    It seems like there are so many cons to dating a married man it’s unbelievable, I read every story posted & none has provided any long term pro’s…

    At the end of the day we all hang onto this thin piece of thread called hope even if we basically have nothing to validate holding on.

    Ive been writing every single day on blogspot title butterfly the emotions I have been going through since by affair started which has only been a few weeks or so…

    I have a bunch of single guys interested in me im actually decided dating 1 of them he is incredibly sweet & so inlove with me yet every moment with him draws me more to missing the mm… Sometimes I wonder if it’s true if all of us are just females with low self-esteem? Chasing after a fantacy because that’s all we have with them…

  154. Rising Says:

    #147’s post gave me the strength to end an almost 9 month long affair with a mm. It was, by far, the most toxic, destructive thing I have ever done. I learned a great lesson in those months and am just glad that I found the ability to end it and move on. Too anyone contemplating or in an affair- STOP. I know I am worth more than that.

  155. Young Professional Says:

    I’m in a relationship with a married man (MM) and we’ve been seeing each other for 5 years; I’m a woman extremely attune to my feelings and the reality of my relationship. ABOUT ME: My work is very important to me: 50hr workweek explaining Law and full-time college student at a private univ. I don’t have time for hard-to-get, hard-to-read, whiny, diamond-in-the-rough, fixer-upper guys. My relationship with MM stemmed from his curiosity to see how close I would let him and I wanted to know if this man was for real. We worked together and he was the life of the office; Most financially successful, hilarious, good natured, most exciting vacationer, best “Dad” stories with his sons – I was captivated.

    SUMMARY: He’s my best friend so we can be brutally honest but our words are always cushioned with kindness and he sees me as a woman only dreams a man could see her: destined for greatness, too good for him, and beautiful. HIS STORY: He’s married and currently putting one son through college while the other is in High school. He said before we met me that he had a plan to divorce his wife only after the kids were grown, self-sufficient, and out of the house. Do you believe that?……….I guess it’s possible but it doesn’t hurt to already know that men -no matter what age- …lie. They lie and woman lie too.

    If the married men-cliche crap rears it’s ugly head, I’m the first to call it because we have to call men out. I don’t care about protecting his feelings if mine are being put through the grinder. I think my most important message (and we talked about this when I first realized my feelings for him) is love yourself the most and put yourself first. It’s the only way you don’t get swept up in his home-drama and self-pity crap. Keep him grounded and ground yourself. It’s not for everyone but I accept my lifestyle because it works for me and I love having him in it.

  156. Young Professional Says:

    After reading more comments, I see my happiness is not common. I can note a few hints:

    1. If he has small children, walk away. 9 times out of 10-it aint happenin.

    2. If he promises to leave his wife because of you, he’s scum. Take personal offense that he’s belittling your intelligence and he thinks he’s telling you something you want to hear.

    3. If he puts his children first, then he’s a good man and a real man because children ALWAYS come first. Their happiness and quality of life are most important.

    4. You family comes first. He can’t be the reason you wake-up or reason for living.

    5. Be a Whole person. In any relationship, don’t walk into it being half a person. If I don’t function without a man, I let myself down, I let my family down, and eventually everything in my life will suffer.

    6. If you’re seeing a married man, ask yourself why. Commitment issues, you need space to control your environment at home, been abused by an over-controlling man/woman? Whatever our faults are we should identify them, accept them, and move on. No one is perfect and we should love ourselves, faults and all. If we don’t, who will? Certainly not Post #152.

  157. Raeesa Says:

    I agree with the above post 100% I couldnt have said anything better…

    I am 22 years old, vibrant young attractive & intelligent female… Studying towards my degree while sitting in an executive position i have everything going for me & yet i still find myself in a relationship with a married man… What the hell is wrong with me??

    Knowing & accepting all that has been said in the previous post as true i am still sitting at work hopeing “MM” calls me as he was meeting with clients all day, to probably go straight home to be with his family & me? Well i will maybe go have coffee with myself after work just to give me that fake feeling of hey i am independant n i dont give a crap as long as i take what I want when i want… ( inside truly I am dieing )

  158. happy Says:

    Hey Ladies…well i was here on this forum before for the same reason as all of us…letting everything out and explainig how hard, hurtful and painful it is to love a married man…well i’m back…i got what i wanted! his family (the wife and the 2 kids) are moving out! and he’s mine! all mine…just wanted to say – DO NOT lose hope! if what you have is real love than it’ll happen! nobody wants to be miserable and unhappy…what is meant to be will happen! love him, care for him, be there for him and enjoy every day like it’s the last day! who said that “those” relationships don’t work out??? i never believed that…and neither should you! is it a rule?? NO! and ladies – stop feeling sorry for yourself! he is the one who needs you! it is such a great feeling to be in love, so treasure it! enjoy it…live it! and if in the end it doesn’t work out – you didn’t lose anyting, but gained: HAPPINESS!!! LOVE!!! STRENGTH! CONFIDENCE!! PRIDE!! AMAZING MEMORIES!! you’ll move on and he’ll be miserable with his wife who he hates and hides from to find happiness with someone else! and remember that someone else is YOU!!!! good luck to all of you! never lose hope! and ultimatums do work…and if he doesn’t like the ultimatum – screw him!!! u walk away! always put YOURSELF in a first place!! watch!! HE’LL BE BACK!! cheers ladies!

  159. number one Says:

    the fact is – WE ARE ALL PRETTIER AND YOUNGER THEN THEIR WIFES.
    and if you want a married man you never: admit it till it’s time
    be cool and say how you imagine your life when you get married like: walking in the house only in underwhare, havin a lot of trips with your man and everything, tell him what are you looking for in a future husband and what a good wife you would be – this is for making him see you’re better than his wife (not that he doesn’t know it alwready)
    and now listen to this – many man dont have the balls to leave their wifes. it is misserable for him because there is always a reason for cheating – i dont think a one night stand with some girl, i mean a long term second life.
    dont ever feal hurt, date other men, make him convinced you are the best thing that happened in his poor life and he will be yours. enjoy.

  160. Nabeelah Says:

    This is my situation,

    I am 22 years old met this MM who is 39 through a relative who happens to be his wife… I was going through a rough patch at work she was extremely supportive & when i resigned she asked her husban to recruit me as his PA for the time until i manage to get my feet back on the ground so he did that…

    I became rather close to both of them & very involved in there marriage problems as they both confided in me…I was engaged at the time, soon my Fiance broke off the engagement & I was in a state both of them became really supportive at that stage tried to involve me more in there lives so i wudnt bcum 2 depressed…

    Sumwhere in between all of this we just became really close & things started getting weird between us I didnt understand it or allow myself to think about it as I didnt want to get hurt or hurt any1 the whole idea was just too comlpicated to comprehend.

    He obviously started picking up vibes from me as well and i of him but we never discussed it until it started bcuming obvious to every1 else that we were just odd around one another…

    Eventually we had an in depth conversation about it agreed nothing could happen 5 minutes later we were kissing and we still are…

    I love his wife she is a great person doing this to her really sucks, he is a good guy & doesnt want to leave her as they have kids together although there marriage is falling apart long before I came along…

    Do I hold on? Should I have faith in this relationship?

  161. waiting Says:

    I am married with an eleven year old son and I’ve been seeing my mm for 2 yrs now and plan on being together in 4 yrs when my son is 16. I told my mm that and he is willing to wait. Tells me he loves me everyday and wants to take it day by day. I agree. We just make the most of the time we do have together. It get’s hard at times but I don’t let it bring me down cuz I know my son comes first. Just hope it works out in the end.

  162. Tia Says:

    I completely agree, your son should come 1st, but stringing your husban along wasteing his time I am sorry but that is so not fair to him he cud be with someone who loves him as much as you love your mm… Please dnt ruin his life any further… What if you were in his shoes & kids are stronger than we think.

  163. HAPPY Says:

    RE: Nabeelah…
    that is a complicated situation and a different case from the commons ones. Hmmm…i know deep down inside you are probably thinking: what the hell am i doing? this is soooo wrong!! but, hey, if it feels right to you, even though it’s wrong…go for it! don’t plan for the future though and always be ready that it’s going to end…take day by day…enjoy like it’s your last one…and time will tell…listen and follow your heart..what is it telling you? love is a weird thing and it breaks all the odds…and survives all the obstacles on a way! and think for a second…is it all worth it? are you going to regret it even if it doesn’t work out and thinking that you waisted your time? OR are you going to be greateful and so happy for all the times you spent together? heart knows….just listen! Good luck to you! wish everything works you the way YOU want it to work out!!! take care! ;-)

  164. Nabeelah Says:

    RE: Happy

    Thanks so much for your post, it really did put everything running through my mind in perspective…

    My heart is telling me to continue loving him without any expectations but it’s so hard not 2 dream & desire more from this relationship.

    A really good thing came out of this though, I always based mylife around my relationships dating a married man gives you a sense of independence as you cannot base your emotional, phyical or financial well being on him as you dont no which way the wind will blow any second giving you that strength to create direction & take control over your own future & allowing him 2 only compliment it.

    I honestly hope things dont work out the way I want them to, I sincerely hope things work out the way they should the way god wants them 2 :-(

  165. trina333 Says:

    This sucks! I am dating a married man and getting ready to dump him! Every one of these posts sound pathetic. I think if he really wants me he will leave and come and get me after I leave him, but although I am in love with him, I will not WAIT!

  166. Shani Says:

    That most definately the attitude to have lol just dont count your chicks he might not come after you & that might suck even more, be prepared for the worst.

  167. heartbroken Says:

    At first it was great seeing my mm. He would come to see me twice a month but now I’m lucky if I get to see him once a month now. I’m getting fed up! It was hard enough just being with him twice a month but now It seems not even worth it anymore cuz even though I love him I can’t love a man I only talk to on the phone. Maybe it’s time to say goodbye. My heart is breaking.

  168. sad Says:

    thanks so much for leaving your comments and posts really help me understand what a bad situation I am involve to…
    I’ve been dating a mm for 4 months we have to much in common, he is so charming, and nice to me and he mention all the time he has issues on his marriage, I’ve tried twice to break up this so-call relationship I told him it feels like walking on thin ice, and somehow we got back together UNTIL accidentally I’ve read his email and he sends flirty emails to his wife constantly even today when he was so nice to me, am sooooooooooo sick of my stomach, am even thinking put all XXX email that he sent me together including pictures of us and video tapes and send it to his wife…….
    am so mad at myself :(

  169. Tarah Says:

    RE: Sad

    I can understand 100% why you would wanna do that however it will bring you a moment of satisfaction & a lifetym of regret, the best revenge is living well after someone hurts you like this… I know it’s easier send than done but do it for yourself. Take it one day at a time…Goodluck!

  170. Nana Says:

    I have been a married man for amost a year now. first it started as a harmless flirt until hey it got serious. Playing second fiddle is not easy and yet i realise i love him enough to contemplate it. We have tried breaking it off a couple of times but always its a full circle. I dont want to leave him and yet i know he will never completely be mine, weather he divorces his wife or not. i hurt sometimes so bad i vow i am never seeing him again but at the same time i find love him and want to be with him always. now i have decided i am going to remain in the relationship and will not try to end it. i will enjoy him for as long as i can and however things turn out i will face the bridge when i get there. pain is pain. if i am to face it well better then than now.

    I love my guy

  171. Happy Says:

    I’ve been dating a married man for about 3 months now. I enjoy spending time with him and he makes me feel special. He is an incredible man who doesn’t get any love or intimacy at home. The rules above are pretty accurate. Even before reading them the one that I follow all the time is “Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed.” I just ended a 7 year relationship so I’m fine with the way things are and I wouldn’t want him to leave his wife…yet (I might change my mind in the future). I try not to think about what his wife is going through (she knows about the situation. We know each other). If he wasn’t with me, he would be with someone else. He just wasn’t happy at home.
    P.S. The best sex of my life!

  172. Lianne Says:

    What does it mean when a mm invites you over to his home to go the movies & lunch. He shows you around his place while his wife was at work 30 miles away. After 3 times of him being over to my place, this mm invites me over to his place while his wife was at work. We both don’t even feel guilty about it. All we know that we enjoy each other’s company while it lasts. Yes, we had sex (not being the first time), went to the movies (holding each other’s hands), to lunch and a walk afterward’s in public holding hands.)When he comes to see me, we do the same thing. We have been seeing each other since December, but not everyday or week. In between those times we have been chatting during work since November (that’s how we met). BTW..his wife is 50 and I’m 45. He is 55 years old. We live about 50 miles apart.

    So is there any meaning to his actions as to why he would invite me to his place, and not worry about being seen in public with him? Anyone, experienced this?

  173. THE ORIGINAL SMILEZZZ Says:

    RE: #172 Lianne

    The best advice I can give is, ask him. Only he would provide you with an answer though sometimes its not the answer we’ll want. Talk to him and find out what you want to know unless you two aren’t interested in wanting to know where the relationship will be going and where your place is in his life.

    I had a situation where the samething was happening to me but when I was thinking it meant something, he only saw me as a close friend and someone he was having sex with. So becareful and keep your eyes open.

  174. THE ORIGINAL SMILEZZZ Says:

    To me in life you cant help certain things. Who you’re attracted to, who you love, where your heart is, and etc. It isnt easy to control your feelings for someone if that’s who you want to be with. No one can say they’ll never date a MM cause you never know what could happen. You could be somewhere and a guy catches your eye, you hit it off really well, then he states that he’s married. You can say “we can just be friends” or whatever but in the end you’ll think about it like, “I’ll make him an exception because its something about him” or whatever your choice may be.

    I was one of those ones who said that I would never date a MM because it is wrong but things happened and I ended up in that position. A MM is nothing more than a single man wearing a ring. thats the way we all should look at it cause even though there are some nice single guys and faithful married guys out there, all men still tends to mess up though their reasons varies. Like I was taught, thats just a man being a man. The truth is, none of us are 100% loyal and faithful cause we’re human and we’re not perfect. The same thing he did to his wife with us will be the same thing he do to his wife and us with someother woman. If she had the ring and you got it now, trust, someone else is putting in their application for it (If he isnt already posting them up for the hiring process) if you know what I mean.

    I feel that if a man isnt satisfied or happy with his wife then he need to be a man and talk to her about it. Let her know so you can work on fixing the relationship instead of being quick to find someone else. If all else fails then look to ending things because in a relationship, you want to live happily not miserable. Do that before stepping out though cause atleast you’ll be doing it honestly and no one would get hurt (meaning a new person getting involved to face possible heartbreak).

    As for my situations, what I could’ve done differently was talk to this person about his intentions. I’ve always ran away from personal conversations because one out of the two MM relationships I had was just about sex. He would always ask me what was on my mind and instead of telling him the truth I would talk about other people and things that were bothering me. He knows that I wasn’t up for what we was doing and I felt guilty. In so many ways he gave me an exit que to tell him I want out but each and everytime I would find reasons to stay. Its not because Im desperate or low on self esteem but my reasonings were because my life was boring and in need of excitement. We both enjoyed what we were doing. It wasn’t something that was meant to happen but I fell into the hands of the wrong man.

    I hope that its something that wont happen again but I’ve learn to expect the unexpected and come unexpected with no expectations whatsoever. A good single man is out there for us but being patient isnt one of my best charateristics. Though there are good men (like I’ve said before) in relationships people mess up. Its apart of life. You just have to know what the situation is before you jump head first into it. Whether its something you feel will turn into him leaving his wife or just sex. Watch out for his actions and what he’s telling you cause by that you can know what the situation is straight up. No matter what it is dont let this MM dog you or take you on a free ride ((meaning he’s getting something out of it but what are you getting, if anything)). With that said, dont let any man do it.

  175. Larrissa Symone' Says:

    I agree with the original smilezzz.Know what you are getting into.

  176. Lianne Says:

    I like this website. It gives us so called “home wreckers” or whatever the outside world wants to call us (which we are not!!!), a place to come together since you can’t really discuss this taboo subject matter with your family & friends, or therapist. I don’t even feel guilty, nor do I have low self esteem of myself (as what the outside websites say). I still have my class and dignity and not ashamed of it. Does anyone else feel the same way?

    After doing some hard searching, on websites and out in public. It’s too bad that most of the men that you want and see are all taken..or gay. The good looking attractive single guys (1 out of 100) end up being players, and you are left with the homely lonely horny old men, or the really horny young bucks, or married cheating men that just want tail, and men on line that you just aren’t interested in (no spark).

    So where are all these attractive GOOD SINGLE, non-cheating men that we women want to share our lives with? Anywone have the answer(s) to this question too? I’m glad that I never married, and if I ever do, I’ll make sure that my man will be a non cheating man, and I will know how to treat him right so he doesn’t end up cheating on me too…(that is if I ever meet him one of these days).

  177. DEALLING WITH IT Says:

    well i have read modt of your post and damn each story is the same..

    well here is mine it a bit more complicated as the Married man i have and still seeing is actually my boss…

    Wow well i didnt intend for it to go that way we just hit it off well he is a thounsand mile away. it was nothing to start off with but it grew more intens by the day… i regret every sec of it as he will be coming into the country soon an he expects me to be there for him.. he use to tell me he is only with his wife for the sake of there kids and that he hates every min of being with her….

    he use to tell me everything he thought i would want to hear well as stupid as what was i believed him of course!!!!!!!!!
    this went one for over a month speaking to me every sec he could sms me every min of the day telling me how badly he wishes that he could make me all his…

    well the really suprise come when i recently heard that his wife is expecting yet a other one of his kids(please like that happend with out him) well he does now that i know about it (his very dear mom told me)

    after all the lies he is all i can think about i have tried to distance myself a bit as i know that he is like all the rest of MM out there as long as they can have there way everything is fine

    well i have had it with him atleast……
    but the married man thing still is a winner

  178. Happy Says:

    RE: Dealing with It #179

    My original post was #171, which I wrote last week. I came back to the site to read some more posts and after reading #171, I’d like to admit that my MM was also my boss. My situation is quite different from the rest of the posts, as I know his wife and it was because of her that I ended up working with her husband. Unfortunately, his partners at work found out and I was “laid off”. His wife was pretty relieved because she thought it would end our affair. Boy, was she wrong. If anything, it’s brought us closer together.

    I’m also pretty young – I’m 25 and he is 42 (but man, what a hottie!) and his wife is 10 years older than he is. That’s probably another reason why he’s with me.

    Anyways, I’m fine with the way things are right now. His wife grills him everyday when he goes home and he tells me everything. I can only think that he won’t want to put up with that for long, so we’ll see what happens.

    To all the other women out there dating married men, enjoy being together and just listen to your heart. If there’s any doubt in your mind then be smart and move on. Your mm might tell you no one will ever love you like he does, but at least someone will be able to give themselves to you fully.

    Take care ladies!

  179. THE ORIGINAL SMILEZZZ Says:

    Typo: Sometimes Its*

  180. Lianne Says:

    To: Smilezzz
    Thx Smilezzz ….I’ll just keep on keeping my options open and see what happens..We are just 2 people that are just happy to see & to be with each other… NSA.. like I said earlier. Be interesting to see if he gets jealous or not..hummm.. I let it up to him to find out.

  181. THE ORIGINAL SMILEZZZ Says:

    To: Lianne

    You’re welcome and I agree. Follow the road, see where it leads, and enjoy every moment. Goodluck!

    To: L
    Like I told Lianne, ask him cause he can provide you with the answers though sometimes it maynot be the answers we’re looking for. Tell him in a way that he wont think you’re coming down hard on him or offending him. If there is any chance you two have an relationship there should be no holding back. Tell him how you feel and let him know the boundaries you want to set for your happiness.

  182. Lianne Says:

    To: L #184

    You are in a tough situation since he is a co-worker. My advise is to play it low. I made a rule to never never go out with any of co-workers..single or not. If things ever go wrong, the working moral between you to will go sour and it will show in the office. He is also wearing his ring when you two are out together..that’s a sure sign that he is not planning anything u for the time being..My mm has his ring off, which I questioned him about. He said that he wears it at work, but not at home (I’m not sure if he puts it on when he goes out with his wife though.) In my case, I wouldn’t mind if he had his ring on..I can pretend that we are married..lol. Maybe, you should pretend that as well when you guys are together. My mm doesn’t say anything like your mm does either. All we say to each other is that we enjoy each other’s company and we tell each other that we miss each other and what we miss.. that’s it..nothing further…no other questions asked except how is our day or evening going. All situations and personalities are different too, not all the same.

    My advise for you is to refer to the advise #s 2,4,8,9,13,16,17 and 18 (or all of them). So go with the flow and trust your instincts and judgment. Keep your guard up and don’t believe everything he says. Don’t give him any ultimatum or you will push him away, that is if you still want to be with him and or keep the working moral good in the office. When he tells you things..Always, remember that -Talk is cheap, Show me -Keep that in your mind. If I were you..I would turn the other cheek and gradually drop your ties with him, but do it gracefully.

  183. L Says:

    Ladies thank you for your advice, I really appreciate it and its helpful to know there are others out there going through the same thing…

  184. HMA Says:

    I need a place to get all of this out. Hopefully this is the place. I have been “dating” a technically married man for the past few months. This is something I have never done and have always been against but it started with a friendship and turned into more. That’s not the half of it though. He’s also my boss AND 26 years older than me. Yes, he’s old enough to be my dad! The only up side to this situation was he filed for divorce 8 months before he even knew me. So I know I’m not the cause. According to him their relationship has been over for the past 7 years and he hasn’t left her for the sake of his son. He was trying as hard as possible to make it a normal situation but he realized that his son seeing his mom and dad fighting and not loving each other is far from what normal should be. Anyways- We discovered our feelings in October but I wouldn’t even let him hug me. The whole married thing bothered me. Their mediation was set for November so it didn’t seem that long to wait. Then it got pushed back to December..annoying but workable. Then January because she filed a bunch of new papers- now it’s pushed back AGAIN until February and he is more than stressed. Since then, we have become intimate despite trying to wait. We really did try to wait until it was done. Now he is afraid to talk to me, call me, text me, be with me for fear of someone seeing him and it screwing up his custody case. We agreed tonight to stop talking until its really over. I’m afraid now though, that by the time it really IS over I won’t want to put myself out there again. This hurts..a lot. I don’t ever let myself open up to men and the one guy I let in (on accident!) is old enough to be my dad and at the end of a messy divorce. Oh and my boss. I’m afraid I have fallen in love but even when it’s over it still has to be a secret at work and from my family and most of my friends. If I choose to go forward with this relationship after the divorce I will have to go all in and forget about what others think. Tough situation! I don’t recomend it!

  185. i like this forum =support group Says:

    so I have been seeing this mm for the past 3 months. He is 28 years older than me am glad am not the only one #188. However, he never tells me what he does with his wife I get the feeling that he is close with his wife which really hurts me he never talks about her when we are together because I asked him not to. He is been very supportive to me and he advices me when I need any advice. He takes me on trips and thats really cool but it still comes to how much time can he spend with me which is sad because we see one another only once in two weeks.

    He doesn’t want me to see other people although am seeing someone close to my age-we just started- but am not telling my married man until am ready to dump him and move on with this guy if things work out. I’ll miss him though and the classy lifestyle he has made me get used to.

    so my question is should I ask him about his intimacy levels with his wife? She is ugly anyway..

  186. Re: #189 Says:

    Ha! Sorry, but rule number one made me laugh (not at you, don’t worry). Me and my mm use to say that to each other when we started “dating/f*cking”. It was kind of a cute inside joke. We’d say to each other “What’s rule #1?”. Needless to say, once you spend time together it’s almost bound to happen. Did to us! And now we laugh at how naive we were.
    Definitely agree with the rest of the rules!

  187. melody Says:

    Okay, I admit it, I’m dating a married man. It’s been seven of the most wonderful years of my life! He’s thoughtful, generous, loving, makes me laugh, makes me feel loved, wanted and desired. I had the cinderella story, I married my prince, and lost him after only 18 months of marriage and just two months before the birth of our daughter. I was distraught, angry, resentful and lonely. When I looked at our daughter all I could see was him. I buried myself in my work and motherhood. I couldn’t even THINK about dating. I thought I was being untrue to my late husband. Then, lo and behold 30 years goes by and I’m alone. I still miss him…..

    Then HE came into my life. Handsome, kind, educated, funny…we’ve been friends for 20 years…lovers for seven. He calls me four-five times a day just to say hello and see if I’m alright. We dine together at least once a week, sometimes two or three. He spends time with my daughter, taking her to movies, lunch (she doesn’t know about us). He spoils me, treats me like a queen…but never makes any promises of leaving his wife..nor do I expect him to. I love him and I know he loves me..But no talk of committment…it works. I have my free time, he has his time…We make no demands on one another..I think that’s what makes our time together so sweet. He’s everything I never I ever wanted, everything I once had and lost….and now found again.

  188. marjenn025 Says:

    UGH, after reading all of these posts, I felt I need some advice, from ppl who know. so here it goes:

    Same situation, I met my MM in H.S. (about 17yrs ago), then again from a classmates website. He told me that he has always loved me and never said anything. We started to date and he told me that he has not been happy in his marriage for a long time. So we fall in love. He tells me he has always loved me and he married the wrong person. That i shld be his wife. He thinks we are soulmates bc he has always been thinking about me in the past 17yrs. He even made sure he worked it so he cld spend nye w. me and whenever i need him to be around he was around. I wld see him a few times a week and sometimes he wld work it so he cld spend the weekend w, me. After a few mos of being 2nd fiddle, i have had enough. I cant stand the fact that he still lives w, her and sometimes sleeps in bed w. her. It makes me sick. So I told him taht he needs to do something, bc all he does is talk. He said they were going to counseling and that he wld tell her through that, but that never happened. So i told him he needs to prove something to me. So he told her. And he told her he is in love with me and that he is leaving the house. The only reason why I even believe this, is bc she sent me an email asking me to not see him anymore, bc she wants him to work on their marriage. That I am destroying her, her kids and his family. He was going to leave the house tonight, he said he was packed and everything but now he is thinking that he cant just walk out like this. Leaving her w. three kids. (which he is not, he wld see them all the time. PLEASE, what do i do here?? I need some serious advice.

  189. single and hot Says:

    im also dating a married man…he is a nice man..he treats me right, take me to dinner we talk everyday on the phone..He has 2 phones..One for his personal and family use and the second one for hi adventures…I kn him for long time but we never did anything because i was dating someone else six months after my ex broke up with me i when i away and i came back just to start over.. i never though i would find him again. i always knew he was married, but i attractive to him and hes into me too. Well he started taking and we decided to try it out.. He told me everything bout his marriage well most of it..he said he is married for 9 years but he has being cheating on his wife since they were boyfriend and girl friend. Thats were the second phone comes from, all this time married and she doesnt kn he has another phone…He was bn cheating on her many times he told me once that he was with a girl for 2 years but she broke u with him…he told me he didnt want to end the relationship, but he couldnt do anything because he has no right…Anyways, now im dating him and he told me with me is different because for the first time of he feels relax and forget bout things..He is really a nice man I enjoy my time with him. He always want to see me, but im the one taking thing low..I do want to see him everyday, but if i do see him i kn i would get attach and i dont want that… I like to be single and have fun…One day i asked him a ? and he got mad because it was to personal.. i said my sorry that it was my mistake, but he told me anyways..I asked him why you still married if u had cheated at your wife since u know her?…He said i worked 2 hard to be here in this life…and i will never say something about my wife because she is a nice woman and she hasnt done anything bad to make him feel like is over….In my opinion yeah he worked hard to be the man is now and he doesnt want to start over because i dont have anything to offer him…Then he told me he was 2 little girls and he wants to give them everything…Some how in his words his telling me he wont leave his wife because he doesnt want to leave his 2 girls…I dont want him to get divorce because his 2 little girls need a father figure….We also have unprotected sex, he did a surgery to not have kids no more and he told me that he havent had sex with his wife for more than 2 years….Hes addicted to sex like me, but his wife is really religious shes always in the working or in church..She doesnt go out with him with clubs and he likes to go out… Since we started dating we go out and dance together, He presented his friends and they really like me, also i met his sister and sometimes i go out with her…She told me that hes falling for me, and once he went to her house and he started to cry becuase he still doenst kn what to do he wants to be with me but cant because of his daughters…Im going to leave him, i think is the best thing to do…he needs time to think and i want to give him his time…im not doing things for me…he is the one who needs time. I might lose him but i dont want him to make a decision between his 2 girls and me…im living him because i want him to choose his 2 girls, they need him around and i kn if he choose me i wont feel good because i be taking his father away from their house…I dont want to feel guilty…So do you think im doing the right thing….he is 33 and im 22…if he moves with me i wont have kids with him because he did a surgery and i do want kids of my own and he doesnt…He was his future ready but mine is in process so i home im doing the right thing

  190. not that girl Says:

    I seriously never thought I’d be the “other woman”. After being cheated on and despising the women involved in that I vowed I could never be that person. Low & Behold, thats just who I’ve become. It was so easy to fall into a trap with this guy. Before I knew he was married he flirted like crazy. I was already hesistant because he’s the singer of a band, which made me leary to begin with, also he is 14 years my senior. I kept myself distant for a very long time, but being a typical woman the ego stroking made me feel wanted & sexy. We became very good friends, and just last weekend we made the move to the bedroom. I knew going into even a friendship with this guy was all it could be. How often do you ever see a man leave his wife for a mistress? Hardly ever. So I’m still in that mindset, and we’re friends with benefits. We make eachother feel good about ourselves when we’re together, and the secret of it all just makes it ten times hotter. I’m a little worried now that things are sexual, considering I’ve only been with one other person and I’ve always been one to think with my head AND heart when it comes to sex. As of right now I don’t see myself falling “in love” with my MM, but I’m so freaked out it could happen very quickly. Yet, I can’t seem to pull myself out of it just now.- blaaah. haha Sorry I had to write this probably meaningless post, but as you all know, this situation leaves few people to talk to and I needed to let some of this out!- I wish good luck to all the girls on here for whatever you’re hoping your outcome will be!

  191. angela Says:

    hi ladies, I have a question..I’ve been datind this mm for 2 years now and at first we’d get 2gether twice a month and it was great. We became so close cuz we have alot in common and we think alike. But now since right before Christmas we only see each other once a month if I’m lucky. It’s now been over 2 months since we last saw each other. He says he’s real busy with actually doing the work instead of forseeing cuz he has his own business.My question should I move on now?

  192. me again Says:

    Forgot to say that he does still call me twice a day

  193. cf Says:

    only problem is I think I’m pregnant and 48. dont want ot break up his marriage, but may decide to keep the child. any advice????

  194. Don't know what to do.. Says:

    I found this website and i read every single post on here. It amazes me how many other woman are in the same situation as I am. Im young, 21 years old and my MM is 18 years older than me. We have been seeing eachother for a year and a half and it has been wonderful but at the same time vey difficult. Like everyone else on here, I’ve had many lonely nights. We spend a lot of time together, spend nights together, text, talk on the phone but i still feel like it is never enough! He says he is going to leave his wife but he just doesnt know when. I know he has things in the works but it cannot come soon enough. He does not sleep with her or spend anytime with her. Sometimes i feel trapped because i dont know if i should stay in a relationship like this but he is the first man i have ever been in love with. I cannot get enough of him! At night, i miss him so much and i want to be with him so bad. I know many man do not leave their wife but i believe in my heart that my MM loves me enough to do so… Im very scared I am going to get my heart broken, i dont think i could deal with the pain! I want to leave but i dont, but if i do, i want him to chase after me sooo bad? Im the only girl that he has cheated on his wife with, and its funny because i trust him with all my heart. I want to let go, but i dont know how! ??

  195. tb Says:

    I’ve been with a mm for almost 3 years now. Everything thing is going good but i am starting to get real jealous . I am friend with the wife and know everything that they do. she even told me when they have sex, how many time and so on. she doesnt have a clue about us not even one.He said he love me and i really love him too. I think i deserve more so i am going to end this fling. he has kids with his wife and i even know them too. I am starting to feel guilty because i dont want to hurt anyone. we talk everyday and see eachother twice a week. want to end but dont know how, any idea? He is also a good lower, he is the best.

  196. ms.cantbelieveitsme Says:

    I’ve been coming to this site since Dec. 2008 and read the posts. It’s been on my heart to write something. So, now, I’m writing… My situation is similar to the situation of Antsey25. He’s got 2 small children with his wife and she is older than he is. However, I think she’s pretty. Though he tells me he’s not happy with her, I still find myself wondering: What’s the “REAL” problem in the marriage and does “she” even know there is a problem?

    As far as how we met, we dated before he got married. He was with her before that. But, claims they were not together when we met. I broke things off with him shortly after we met. Don’t really have a reason why other than there was someone else I was interested in at the time. I moved away and the rest they say, “is history!” Over the years, he’s crossed my mind. I searched for him on the net and we began conversation again. He shockingly, immediately (after telling me he was married) asked for my contact info & things went from there.

    Things did not get physical immediately. However, it wasn’t because we both didn’t want to. Timing just wasn’t right. Initially, I told him it wouldn’t happen because I knew it was flatout WRONG!!! But, I let temptation get the best of me and gave in. I regret that it happened at their house both times we’ve been intimate.

    I told him, in the beginning, this would lead to these feelings I’m having. However, I haven’t told him that I’m in love with him. Nor, has he expressed such feelings to me. We communicate in some way each day. At this point, I’m not pressing him about leaving her. I used to dream of getting married. But now, after him (and others from the past who are married who have approached me as well as seeing cheating men in the relationships of some friends and family members), I don’t know if I trust men, PERIOD! Honestly, I wonder if we were together would I trust him. I truly don’t know. All I know is I love him and I didn’t want to be in this position ever!

    Guess the saga will continue as long as I allow it to do so under these circumstances. My question: Where do I go from here?My heart goes out to all the women in this MM type of DRAMA!!!

  197. WRONGFULLY CONTENT Says:

    I have been dating my mm for a little over a year. We met when I first relocated to my current state. I did not know he was married when we first met. I was not given that info till after the first date, but I have not looked back since. Like the others my reason for moving was because of my cheating ex and wanting to do better for myself. So how did I end up in this situation???? We see each other at least 4times out of a week and talk just about everyday. There is not a day that or momment that does by that I do not think about him. However; I will not say that I am in love with him. I enjoy our situtaion for what it is and does not expect more then what I get. I will admit, I do get lonely sometime. But I guess it’s all part of the game. Yes, I have met the wife. I know where she works part-time and happened to love shopping there. I guess you can say I get a little thrill when I go there and she waits on me have no idea that I am the women that she cursed after finding text and phone calls between him and I. But the reality is im not getting younger by no means and how long can I get this up. I de beleive in what goes around comes around.

  198. Lianne Says:

    Well, me and my MM called it quits today on a mutual basis. I’m pretty relieved too. It was getting a little bit too hot for him and he needed to cool it off. Meanwhile, he has been trying to improve his relationship with his wife at the same time, and he is getting closer to her (which I was very aware of).

    All I can say is never again. At least I got the experience of what it’s like to date a MM..lol.

    If I ever get married, I’ll know what I need to do so he won’t stray away.

    He will always be special to me, and we will be keeping our friendship too.

  199. Antsey25! Says:

    I just let one of my really good friends in on my secret. I haven’t told him until now because I’m not totally convinced he can keep a secret, but by accident only. He actually suprised me becasue he said “I thought it might be something worse than that” I guess that makes me feel better but not really….He knows the the MM I am seeing and seemingly enough he really likes him a lot and does not think bad of me but only wants to make sure I am happy. After my confession he said a lot of my behavior makes total sense now….ha ha.

    Anyways, my sister knows him and 3 of my best friends know, and as imorral as it is, they all love him and want the best for us. So I feel like I have some sort of blessing, or permission in away that makes me feel like it’s ok even though I know it’s not.

    Like I said before he’s not just my MM, he’s my committed serious boyfriend who loves and treats me awesome. Plus I just have to add in there that he doesn NOT like “Football or BJ’s and likes to eat p*ssy… never met a man that didn’t like either of the first 2. Sorry for the language, I just had to mention that, I thought it was kinda amazing …But it can get hard sometimes because I want to do things the right way and at the same time feel like things are right being with him. He and his wife have a roomate situation and are not intamate since even before me. I wonder if she has a boyfriend. Maybe this divorce is all about money and thats the delema…..Anyways, I’ll keep everyone updated on whats going on.

  200. Susann Says:

    Ok ladies, you ready for the big one! I have read almost all the posts on here as well, and we are all in the same boat, but here’s where mine gets complicated, and I need advice!
    To start, my MM and I worked together at the same company for several years. There was never much contact until the day, i moved in to his building, and my office was permanently there. We had always said Hi, we were courteous, office professionals. Never had an issue. I was married, so was he. But, I always wondered “what if”. I was already having an issue in my marriage, I was only married for 3 years at the time. He on the other hand, has 2 children, 10 and 14, and a wife of 16 years.

    Well, then a little over a year ago, about 3 months after I moved into that building, it started. We would go out and smoke together, and start talking a little more… now remind you we were both directors in our company in different areas of the company. Our company, just like many other corporations, is a feeding hole for gossip.. but this company might top any other!So rumors had already started, and there was nothing even going on! So, anyway, we went to lunch a few times, hung out, never after work. I was still married, because we were going to counseling, but getting no where. He was having issues with her as well, but little did I know, always did.

    So one day the talking and friendship turned into a few flirtly texts, and emails. Then, he asked me to lunch. After about an hour of talking, he said to me, Susann, i don’t how to say this, but I have always had some kind of feelings for you..I truly remember the first time I saw you,(he told me what I wearing, and where it was) and he said, you don’t have to answer me back, but I have to tell you this.. so I repeated almost the same back, because I did start to have a little something for him, and I did know it, but never wanted to face it, and I never SHOWED it..
    anyway, we start hanging out, texting more, emails, and then meeting up before and after work. It got more involved, and in about 2 months, we had slept together. Well, here it comes ladies, guess who gets pregnant? Well, i never wanted to hurt anyone, not his children or her, or my husband for that matter.. so I had an abortion. He was there through the whole thing, and has been there ever since. at this moment, is when both of us, finally confided in someone else, meaning he told his best friend, and i told one of mine. I could not get through this with knowing, this might be the end, so i had to tell someone.

    We have had the best year, and the worst year. We always say, throw it all at us, because every time a wall is up, we break it down.
    He eventually moved out in June. We promised each other that this would never be about “us”. I knew when my husband and I decided to separate, in May, that this was not about the other man. We had been working on our marriage, however we are best friends, and really thats all it has ever been since we were together, no balance of passion or intimacy, just buddies, that always stood beside each other. Did I feel guilty, sure. But, I knew I would never make this about “the other man”, and it never was.
    So, since the MM moved out, and got separated, he always been there for his children, never left them feel alone, or abandoned, and I was so proud of him for that.. he is such a great father. We both did what we could to not bring anyone else into this. We were always alone, always doing things we wanted together, because we were forced to, and that made us feel stronger about what we had. See, in both of our marriages, which are very similar, the one thing was we always relied on other couples, or individuals to make our marriages work.. and with us, it was just us! We wanted to spend time alone, we didnt care it anyone was around.. we did things that we would never have done with our spouses, went camping, went to wineries, dinner, watched movies, and actually laid on the same couch together, and didn’t grindge, and so much more. Then in July, my friends and husband and (which were still separated) had went on a cruise. I know this sounds odd, but we had already had it planned and paid for, and he deserved to go, and I was not going to ruin that for him or myself and friends. so we went.. this was the hardest thing to do for not only me, but my MM as well. he cried and I cried before I left.. he made me a “fake ring” on day and left it in my office (so cute) but I took that with me, and when i got upset i just looked at it.. i talked to him several times, he was really upset if i didn’t…but when I got back, it was like a magical moment! I went to see him as soon as i got off the plane, ran home, packed up for the next day at work, and went to stay with him at a hotel.. he held me and cried so hard, and we made love like never before..i truly missed him, as much as he missed me.
    Then, after that, i starting allowing him into my home.. which i know was wrong, because it was my husbands and mine, but didn’t know what else to do… we never made love in our bed, and then it happened..we did. He introduced to his mother, who is he is living with, I told my parents about him, and they don’t really like it, but they just want me to be happy.. but they love my husband dearly that’s why, but knew that we have had problems..

    but from august on, neither one of us have divorced yet.. she knows about me, hates me, blames me and I have told her, as hard as it was that I was in love with him. She asked, and I could not lie anymore…I told him to move back home right before xmas. I could tell it was hurting him, the guilt, and watching his kids go through this was really taking a toll on him.. So, he did. I told him to go back do what he needed to do to let this guilt go, and if he decided to stay, then so be it. But, things got more complicated, and he didn’t want to be away from me. i told him that we could not talk, no texting nothing, he needed to try and make it work…well after a week, he was about ready to kill her, and left. He cried the night he came to my house, and promised me that next this will be our xmas, our lives will finally start.
    Well, she threaten me and my job, told me she would tell everyone at work about me, what i have done.. at this point, i had so much going on in my life, i couldn’t take much more.. so I quit my job. 2 days before xmas. we spent new years, together and it was very hard on both of us, because we both missed out former friends,and lives at that moment.. things we were used to, but had a great time because we were where we wanted to be.
    After that, my grandmother passed away, and he was there for me, but let my husband and I share in our grief together, because my gram loved him so very much.. so he stepped aside, and was there, but not. very noble of him.
    needless to say, I still have not found a job, and the past few months have been extremely hard. i feel pressured because my husband is now paying all the bills, so i don’t want MM to stay, so i stay at his moms place. His wife is still hanging on, but dating.. he still puts the kids in front of everything else, and now since i have nothing to keep my mind busy, he has become my everything. and i have fallen pretty hard.. i went from being a heart of steel strong woman, to this..
    and on top of it all, He is wanting her to file, so he relives his guilt, like he didn’t leave them for me.. which is ok in a way, but i am really starting to have a problem with it, because just like my husband, she will never file.. he will have to be the one to do it. Same goes for me.. my husband loves me to much he said to do this..
    my husband doesn’t know im dating, and said he doesn’t want to know.. same goes for me.. but he is being such a wonderful person and standing by me to help us through this time with out employment.. i offered him to live at the house, since he is paying all the bills, and he said no.. because “i always made more money” and that house is truly mine..he says..
    all of my friends and most of family, know about my MM and have met him.. I have met most of MM’s friends and family as well. they all say they same thing, we just want everyone to be happy, no matter what.. but kids are most important in it all. Since I have none, that is hard for me to come second, but i understand that that is how it will be..especially because of the guilt he feels. We had started a few months back going out in public more, especially in his hometown, not mine, because i can’t do that to my husband.. but since she knows about me, i guess he just doesnt much care anymore.. but YET, still wants her to believe that he is not dating anyone, for financial reasons.. and to “spare” her feelings in a way, i guess.
    but all in all after this long year, my MM and I are stronger, but i don’t feel as confident about our future as I did a few months back. he claims that everything he does, big or small, he does for us and our future.. but is there really one anymore? I think he feels so much guilt, and it finally setting in.. I have gotten over mine, which was a little easier, because there is no kids involved, and i knew that mine was over before this began. He says he did, but I dont really think that..
    So, i need help ladies!! i have already gone on and on, and I still could with all the drama that I have been through. But, I made my mistakes and decisions, and I suffer for them, I should bear the pain, nobody else. But, what do I do with him? Do you really think he will ever leave? HELP!! I NEED ADVICE!
    thanks ladies for listening!

  201. SeventySeven Says:

    Antsy 25, i am in the exact same situatin. i mean exact to the tee! Its a very hard situation! But we love our MM!

  202. Ansty 25 Says:

    SeventySeven, I hope it’s not the same guy……ha ha
    Who’s the one who got pregnant?…I say keep the child and keep the child support. Make sure your MM has money! I know it sounds bad and allthough I’m on birth control and not try to to have any kids right now, if you love that MM ,you know you would love that baby even more. I say if you are going to have a MM make sure he shows that money so at least he can contribute to making your life easier. Aim high ladies!…..My MM pays all my bills and is currently buying all my furniture for my new place. So at least if it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to I feel like I was able to take something from him. I would never tell him to stay with his wife unless he told me he didn’t want me anymore. It’s hard for me to think how I would act if things don’t go the way I want them because I truly love my MM…. and because I love him I don’t feel ashamed to ask him for anything. I feel it’s the least he can do for what he has asked me to put up with.

  203. Antsy 25 Says:

    Let me clarify, I would never tell him to stay with his wife NOW, after he has confessed his intentions, and I expect him to deliver.

  204. Annel Says:

    Wow. I Googled “Dating a married man” because i am in a situation I NEVER expected to be in. When this started (all of 5 days ago so its not too late) I was like “I will not get too involved. He will never leave her for me, I KNOW that, I know what happens dating a married man.” But I told him that and a few hours later he says “she’s moving out, we’re trying a temporary seperation.” We bonded over talking about her infedelity. He assures me I am not just revenge at her. I know better…
    But why ladies, WHY, does it have to be a married man that ends up being so seemingly perfect for us? WHY? Every girl on here says how he’s the one, the soulmate, perfect… WHY?

  205. Heartfelt Says:

    Not because it is wrong or feels right, not because it feels good to have some one , not because it works best for us and most importantly not because we are in love, we tend to date married men for many reasons and these are some of the main reasons that I read bout in the post above. I am currently dating a married man., it’s been 5 years now and we have seen the good the bad and the ugly in this relationship. I dont have a dramatic or romantic story to tell, but I have my own personal feels that overtake me some days and feel my heart with bitternes because of this relationship. Yes, is he smart, funny, sexy, hard working and very supportive, but when it comes down to it, he and I are in a never ending battle with his family that i will never win because they adorn him and he is in a battle with my heart because what we have is incomplete and limited. I dont advocate dating a married man and i dont disagree, but I do say love has no limits and without love we sometimes feel inhuman…so if it work for you, enjoy it, but if it becomes part of your life that you feel emotionally unbalanced let go and find your true equal.

  206. LonelyGypsy Says:

    I am dating a man that may as well be married. He’s been with his girl for 10 years and she doesn’t believe in marriage. He has all the right excuses. He can’t leave her while her career is unstable. They sleep in separate rooms. His job is too hectic. He and I live in different states. He’d have to sell his house and the market is bad. But he keeps saying soon. No timeline, can’t committ to one. He says he wants children and she got sterilized because she doesn’t. We fell madly in love and I think about him more than I should. I have a stack of hotel keys because we don’t go to his house and he rarely comes to mine. We fly somewhere, usually LA, and it breaks my heart every time I leave. It used to be every two weeks, now it’s every two months. It’s driving me crazy. I’ve tried to leave so many times, and he takes me back every time I think I’ve crazy to walk away from the only man I’ve ever loved. He asks for patience, keeps saying soon, but I was alone for all the holidays and I can’t keep doing this. 10 months. What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? I have promised not to break up with him anymore, and I have not done it in a few months, but I want to. I want to move on. To give up. I just have a few years left to have more kids. I have a snazzy career myself, and I have three kids to keep me busy, so you’d think I have enough to make me feel whole without pining after him, but I feel like my happiness is wrapped up in being with him. Can somebody please put me out of my misery?

  207. Antsy25 Says:

    LonelyGypsy…… the fact is, is that he’s not married and ha no kids. So, he really ha no ties. If he can’t even leave a woman he’s not married to then he really has issues. That’s just my thought on it.

  208. dear lonelygypsy Says:

    he doesn’t love you..he loves the thrill of it all. Let him go. YOU DESERVE BETTER.

  209. Susann Says:

    can i get some advice ladies!! I know my post is long, but i am still in need of help!! this is regards to my post, #203.. thanks ladies!

  210. ms.cantbelieveitsme Says:

    Hello again! I’m here today just to say that we all should help ourselves & let these MM go. It’s truly not about LOVE! It’s about dignity, self-respect, self-worth, & simple: right & wrong! These MM are wrong!!! If we are honest with ourselves, we too are WRONG!!! I also believe in God & His teachings & in karma. What goes around definitely comes back around!

    Some of us even have children. Personally, I’d never want this for my daughter regardless of the MM’s circumstances.
    So, I’m ending all contact with my MM. I’m ready & prepared to LOVE myself more than I love someone who is truly selfish. That means I’m prepared to be “alone.” We must ALL realize that alone doesn’t mean LONELY! If we don’t love ourselves & can’t stand to be by/with ourselves, no one else will either! These MM, or any man for that matter, will only treat us the way we allow them to treat us. They have their cake & are eating it too, while we’re lonely & waiting most of the time, if we’re realistic with ourselves!!! This is sick. We deserve so much better & our children do too. Though letting go won’t be easy, it’s totally NECESSARY for our progression & our health. Relationships with MM are totally unhealthy. If these men loved us, they wouldn’t let us linger in limbo waiting on them to “leave” their wives & commit to us or they’d let us go. But, they don’t because they have the best of both worlds! They have everything while we have NOTHING. If God forbid something tragic or fatal happened to “our” MM, we would be last to be notified because we aren’t next of kin. They’re wives are!!! I don’t know about you. But for me it truly hurts!

    I’m asking God for strength & encouragement to let go of this MM & love me more than I have been. I pray for all you women on this site & those others out there going through this! Blessings to ALL!!!

  211. ms.cantbelieveitsme Says:

    TYPO correction to post#210: Their wives are.

    Just thought I’d fix that:-)

  212. Daily Says:

    I’m dating a married man. Firefighter to be exact with 4 kids and a wife who live 1.5 hours away in another state. He happens to work about 2 miles from my home.

    This is a first for me and he claims a first for him.

    I know it won’t go anywhere. I know at the end of his 4 day shift, he does go home to his wife and kids.

  213. friend with benefits Says:

    I met him almost 4 years ago. We worked together and we went out on a date before he told me he was married. I was seperated from my husband at the time so I was single. I resisted at first but I just couldnt help myself from falling in love with him at work everyday. It\’s been a tough road. I got back together with my husband but I just couldnt leave my mm. I was head over heels in love with him. We never made false promises to each other and we never ever badmouth our spouses, ever. We live in different states now but we still get to see eachother every few months. There are so many restrictions on our relationship. A few years ago his wife found the phone records so I am not allowed to call his cell phone…he can call me from work when he feels like it but mostly we just email. There are weeks when he\’ll go a few days when I dont hear from him. I talked to him about a month ago and I asked him, \”are you in love with me\” he said, in a way I am…gross, what is that?? After so many years of saying I love you to eachother now he\’s going to pull this crap with me? In that same conversation it was mentioned that he considers us to be somewhat of a \”friends with benefits\” whit..when did this happen? When did I go from being called his girlfriend to his friend…with benefits? I can handle being with a mm but I being friends with benefits to a mm…thats just too much for me to handle! I absolutely NEED to get out of this but I just dont know how. I really love him but he\’s just so toxic.

  214. marjenn025 Says:

    Ladies, DONT DO IT!!! I was with a MM and I showed him all of this after getting upset about reading it. I told him, he is exactly like the others and he is never gonna be with me.He swore to me up and down and even cried while he told me that wasnt true. Well he told his wife about me and his family. And then he decided that he couldnt afford to move out and leave his wife. That his business was failing and he had to concentrate in getting money to pay his bills. He said he couldnt handle juggling everything he needed to juggle and give me 100% so what did he do?? He broke up with me. He is a coward, like the rest of them. So now he can stay in a miserable marriage and I can find somebody that I can have to MYSELF!!

    So please ladies, as much as he BS’s you, please dont do this to yourself. You are so much better than that.

  215. a dum girl for dating a married man Says:

    ok i have being dating a such like creature or watever you like to call him, i’ve being with him for nearly three years and it’s great but der is also the other side , his wife is an alcoholic , she has a boyfriend her first cousin , and i’m 24 years younger than the married man , also he has two kids nearly my age and one is depressed an the other ok , they do all know i exsist but he still never offers or allows me to meet them , it seems like it s going sorta somewhere as the wife and him are seeing other people but the thing is they still live in the same house , an tho the wife actually abuses him and the kids they all don’t refuse to live there as for me if my mother was abusing me i’d be gone elsewhere , it still confuses me as to why they don’t move out or make her move , i think there is something holding on with him especially , also if i ask him to leave it’s aload of answers and question where am i going to live whwere will they live can i buy her out , but still after a year of really bad abuse from her still no action has being taken , well i guess it really does show how whether der seeing each other or not it does not mean they are splitting up in my eyes so basically i’m going down the easy road of losing interest in him and wouldn’t that make his life so easy he won’t have to move out .so it just goes that i’m being used for the feeling and love , altho he has being der through alot of things with me surgery procedures christmas an other holidays i’m still going home alone and still on the outside looking in so i’m not quite happy and the sooner losing interest fully runs its course only then will i break free of this affair , he has looked after me well with gifts an spending every day with me and on the phone also but i’m still alone and it’s not fair

  216. Antsy25 Says:

    For “a dum girl” the fact that he is 25years older “EWW”…. and do you live in a trailor park?

  217. cat83 Says:

    I’ve been seeing a married man for just over a year, it started when I was at the end of my marriage and he is still married. He keeps telling me he is going to get a divorce, they are going to lawyers, they are going to tell the kids, but I don’t think he actually really wants to…and now I am lonely at night, always waiting for my phone to right and hoping it is him…I hate it! There are single men out there that have asked me out and I want to, but what if my MM actually “tells the kids” about getting a divorce, I feel like I should stick it out with him…what a web I have weaved.

  218. PrettyAsPearls Says:

    My MM & I have been on BFF status since we met. We instantly clicked & when I got to know him well I KNEW that we were perfect for each other and so did he. We are coworkers that share the same interests. He fell for me because I am the polr opposite of wife ( not negatively speaking of her) : I am college educated, she does not have a high school diploma, I am career oriented & she works at Krystal’s ( the equivalent of white castle for those of you that dont know). They have 2 mall children together. My dilemma is that he moved out to stay with me & his wife is ill (the verdict is out on whether she is faking for attention)…she has filed for disability for a precious illness & has asked him to stay home and take care of all of the bills until her disability comes through. She says that her working a job will make her seem like she is not disabled and they may deny her claim. I think it is an instant push to try to get him back. I may be wrong, who knows? His father told him that it would show what type of character he has if he doesnt wait to divorce her and stay with her during this trying time…somebody help me my feelings have gotten caught up & I am thinking about just giving up on what I know is my soulmate…

  219. cat83 Says:

    I understand the wanting to give up, it seems like a never ending battle. It has to be his choice, if you love him set him free to figure out what it is he wants. It hurts, but it is the only way to know.

  220. noname Says:

    I’ve decided to give it 1 month. In 1 month it will officially be 2 years. We work together on top of it all. He has 2 kids. The first year was amazing…I think we would have gotten married if he of course wasn’t already. I’m scared… I’m scared of ruining my life if he does leave. But I don’t want to be without him. Everyone I know tells me to get out. All these blogs above point to “NO”. If he leaves will he love me or resent me. Will I love him. I’m not an idiot but I sure as hell sound like one. The only thing I can do is try to get through this month. If I can get through this month then I will hopefully have the strength to get through more. If this was really meant to be , then it WILL.. I just need help not being impulsive and to sit with my feelings.

  221. Some/space/for/sanity Says:

    If I stay I will end up living a lie for the rest of my life. So ‘ve decided to move. Even if I quit my job, because we work together, the fact that we live in the same city is temptation and thats what got me into this mess… temptation. Ohh yes, but the sex is amazing. I think its the thrill of it being wrong and having to be creative about when and where. Its true that if you can manage not having any strong feelings you can come out of it with some sanity… I need space… miles and miles of space to find my sanity and salvation to my situation. The great thing is that Im single, young, and no kids which means I can start a new life somewhere far and start fresh any time … all while he finds a replacement because I do believe that most MM that cheat once will do it again.

  222. Another Single Lady dating a MM Says:

    Honestly I have dated my MM for the love, affection and support he gives me. We also work together. We have been seeing each other for over a year. No I know he won’t leave his wife and I don’t want him too. Actually even though he’s married he has been the one who has treated me the best. I rather be with someone who’s married than be with all these other guys that have been abussive and want only sex. I don’t see myself leaving anytime soon but I know it will come to that point one day.

  223. Chat Rooms for this kinda stuff Says:

    we honestly need chat rooms to support each other on this kinda stuff. Anyone know of any. It’s always easier and fast to chat. And to the wife’s who read this. Sorry but most men cheat and yes we have feelings too but no apolgies.

  224. anon Says:

    wow,you guys are amazing. i like the suggestion of a chat room but most of us are dating on the quiet because of the hurt and shame involved and a chat room may just feel a little too open and unsafe??? i’ve been dating a mm for four years now and he has been and still is the most amazing support. i can’t let go. i’m addicted. i’ve tried but i can’t keep it up for more than 11days. the silence is torturous and he finds it the same. he is unhappily married of course and has no kids to his wife. i want to say more but i cannot reveal too much as my ex would create a huge alienation thing with my kids. i want to say, i keep reading if he’ll cheat on his wife, he’ll cheat on you too but don’t all men cheat? i think we’re the lucky ones that we know they do. we have to get past this kind of thinking and trust. love cannot exist without trust and i believe we need to give them the benefit of the doubt. yes, i also hate the public holidays that i can’t have access to him other than sms which i have to wait until he checks his phone as he keeps it hidden in his home. my God, this is risky but if we don’t take risks, we all wouldn’t be here aye? as far as i’m concerned,a marriage is not a marriage if love is no longer existent. it’s easy to tie the knot but so much harder to undo it. i’m patient, i need his support and am content to wait. time is our best friend. i know that i can not wait another year of stealing time though. my limit it approaching but so is their relationship. i believe he’ll be out soon and we can both bite the bullet and start an open relationship. this site has helped me so much so thanks to all you sharers out there. this is not an easy road to travel.

  225. anon Says:

    you know, being in this predicaement is hell when you want more friends because every bit of spare time i have is taken up with him. i steer away from extra friendships (altho i could do with the female support) cos i know how difficult this would be for someone to accept. i don’t want to drop that bomb shell on anyone so i don’t allow friendships to get too close which leaves me vulnerable. being a single parent makes it hard to find time for friends anyway. so the cycle continues. . . this is what makes it so hard to break loose when you feel you deserve more than crumbs. it’s not having enough support! i’ve been to hell and back the last few years with the ending of a longstanding abusive relationship and the legal system and my mm’s been there for me every spec of the way. we have the same philosophy. it’s rare to find someone you have great sexual chemistry with and understands and loves you for who you are so i’m clinging on. i’ve told him i need and deserve more. i never feel i can get enough of our time together. i see him once a week for 1.5hrs. we spend a lot of time on the phone. his wife of 8years has been very dependent on him but he has accepted responsibility of this and is weaning her off slowly and she is being forced to find supports outside as he lets go more and more. she will leave him eventually but it’s a long slow road. i confront him a lot and this makes him more aware of how i am feeling and surprisingly, makes him love me more for my honesty. i will not tolerate his excuses. i believe in telling him exactly how i see it. MM tried to make me dependent on him at first but i need my independence for strength and no longer let him buy me things or help out too much. i will not be robbed of my independence again. he is very gentle and wouldn’t hurt anybody. i hurt him when i told him how could i trust that he won’t also cheat on me? he told me, that really hurt and we needed to talk about the trust thing. that’s when i went seeking and found this webpage. very timely, i told him (thanks to you guys affirming my own fears and thoughts) that i hurt every night he goes home and sleeps next to her, i told him i deserve and want more, he seems to have this opinion of himself that he is a free man but i sharply reminded him he is still attached and i am very aware of that. he has pulled his socks up since i told him that and has opened up more. denial is an incredibly blind state. this site has been a huge support to me in my times of need. keep feeding me you strong women. i appreciate all your experiences. this is our chat room and it is safe. cheers!

  226. Another woman dating a MM Says:

    Question: How much time does you women spend with your MM? Does your MM have sex with his wife as well? I spend several hours during the week of course with my MM and some weekends. My MM said he does not sleep with his wife and I do believe him. His situation is strictly for the kids etc.

  227. sharing Says:

    i was in a relationship with a married man. we broke up because he want to have sex with me and i refused; he said: “if you don wanna make love with me i won’t talk to you again”. i dressed and i walked away. it is now 3weeks that we broke up and the problem is that i love him alot and i can’t be his priority.besides, he made it clear to me;he wants a girl to only satisfy his sexual desires. i was sick yesterday and i called him, because he is a doctor, and i asked him what i can do. he recommended me to buy some medicines. i called him this morning we talked normally as one of his patient. concerning hanging out with sb else, i find it difficult because i keep comparing the new one with my EX. i am really in a delimma. i’m facing the impossible love. he can’t creak up with his wife and he want me as his mistress.

  228. Yikes Says:

    I am engaged to a man that I love dearly. BUT lately he just hasn’t been there for me. I talked to him about it and he basically doesn’t care. So, lately I have been talking to this married man that I work with, and he is just so amazing. I never thought I would fall for a married man or another man in the same sense. I haven’t had any sexual relations with him, yet. I am just so sad in my current relationship and my MM makes me so happy. I love coming into work in the morning because I know I’m going to see him. We have been talking every night lately and I miss him when he’s not around. It’s just so wierd. IDK what to do at this point. I’ve tried to walk away, but it makes it very difficult if you work with the person. I’m just enjoying the ride! I pray everyday to give me the strength to let it go. It may look appealing now, but it’s not worth the disappointment and sin! :o ( So sad!

  229. anon Says:

    it aint sin you women. when you say it’s sin and wrong you’re revealing your own guilt. it’s just a belief you have and you’re letting society rule you. try and drop the guilt and be curious as to why you’re in this situation with a mm. none of us asked for this kind of relationship. none of us planned it. we are drawn to our needs. if you’re happy and they fulfil you in some way. let it ride and enjoy the love. life is too short: FOLLOW YOUR HEARTS, not so much your head. it feels so right when me and my mm are together. i’m passed the stage of telling myself it’s wrong. i’m going with it. SHARING, i feel sorry for you, what a strong woman you are. i couldn’t resist the temptation. TO Yikes, it sounds like you need to follow your happiness. dis engage. if it’s already feeling like he’s not there for you, get out now. Your not married yet. he should be treating you like gold at the moment. i love all of you and hope you can remain true to your hearts. go with what resonates with your happiness.

  230. Anonymous Says:

    I dated a married man once but I was going thru a divorce and he was there to comfort me. I knew he was married and it lasted 10 months before we ended it. I moved to L.A. and away from where we worked. I promised myself I would never date another married man. And then I met someone 4 yrs. later. He told he had been divorced and she lived in another state. I found out he was lying b/c she called me and told me that he was very much still involved swith her but it was late I had already fallen in love. He still denies being with her and tells me im the only one for him. And now he gets all insecure when I don’t call and constatnly asks me IF I WILL STAY WITH HIM FOREVER. BABY… he tells me… Promise me your mine… Its a game now. Just milk it.

  231. sooo naive Says:

    I start dating a mm b/c all the time we spent together at work, every day even over time, It was never my intention to date a mm, it was actually him the one that start persuing me, was waaay to nice…we used to have lunch together almost everyday and he will voluntier fixing any problems I have at home, whatever he was a very handy man, maybe at the beginning at was in denial I tought he was nice to everyone….but when he was stepping into a deeper level I had to ask him about his wife, since he never EVER mention her, he just only said it was a bit private a personnal decition that SHE took, I was confunsed! like huh?! anyways I learned about his intenions once when while hicking he showed up and wanted to join me and after hours of walking over those mountains I took a break and then in a very smooth move he kiss me…silence sealed our relationship, I felt guilty but I didnt want to have feel that way at work I played NICE at work, he NEVER mention his wife after that it was ME that asked the quetions, only one time he admited that his wife didnt enjoy SEX, and wouldnt feel satified, I guess that make him feel bad…he has 2 kids, I told him I was NOT interested in dating a mm that’s silly, and to forgive me for misleading him (somehow)… OH gosh it was sooo dificult to be rude!, I am very polite girl and dont cuse anyway I couldnt push him away, my boss give me an office and put the mm a few feet away from my desk!!…. so yeah we were very close he knew everything about me,he was curious about my life, when he help me move to my new department he push me against the wall and kiss me, his touch was sooo passionate to me I was weak and we did it, then like an addiction we did it at work (warehouse) in his truck, we drove very far and did it in the road, he will make excuses at home to leave late at night to met me, we used to do it at leats 4 times a day (sounds so bad), I got promoted and required some travel and my boss would send me along with the mm, and we travel together, he would leave his ring away…I have to admit it the relationship was a very passionate one, and will swear he and his wife didnt sleep together and their relationship is extranged, he told me he didnt hate her but that he didnt LOVE her anymore, so I guess I misunderstood some terms, I imaged them being apart and he even told me they dont go to places together, once guiltyness due its part and I was having problems sleeping next day I ask him to meet me and then I broke up with him, and he cried (didnt expect that reaction)and swear to God he loved me and I wanted him to stop being soooo dramatic and hugged him and explain I dont want to be in the middle on them and he said :” I have made my decisition”, I never pushed him to leave his wife, actually I pushed him to go to counseling to try to fix his marriage he refused, then I become suspeicious, I tought hey maybe he doesn t want to go to counseling bc there is NO problems in his marriage at all!!!, and then I googled his wife name and found several photos like in facebook, hi5, myspace of THEM together and very happy , the pics were recent!!!

    it was a slap in the face he lied to me all this time…conclusion: he lied to me for his convinience, there NO problems in his marriage, he wont leave his wife, they are looking to buy a new house and he just used me!!!, I just wish he would have been honest to me…..

    so today I broke up with him, I changed my number, and blocked him from my email, and quit my job, will be back to school its about 2K aways from here from him!! I feel so releive…so much relieve……

    I do only keep a ppicture of his wife, and pray this never happen again, I bet she is a nice woman never met her, but I can tell she is a good mother…. I know Karma will due its part but as for now I can move on, and if I start thinking of him I just have to see those myspace pictures over and over again!!!

    that help….. :-)
    we last 8 momths

  232. to: sooo naive Says:

    your story has touched me. how sad to have to leave your paid employment as well. seeing that picture of his wife is a great idea to keep you strong. i bet you feel so much anger. your story is similar to mine in that my mm is also a handy man and fixed so many things in my house and gave me lots of practical items that during the quieter times, all i see around me is a reminder of his goodness. now, after four years i don’t let him do as much for me. i have trained him not to give me gifts like he use to. i am still with my mm but he has learnt to step back. i alerted him to the fact that he was being a road block by always rescuing me instead of letting me hit rock bottom and find my own way of doing things. a woman needs to have her own choice of the way she wants her house and garden to look. the more we can do for ourselves the better. i wish you all the strength in the world to keep strong as passionate love making like you’ve had IS definately an addiction that fills our human needs. good luck in keeping him away. these mm seem to be so very clingy.

  233. Inlovewithim Says:

    Good Evening Ladies, its the first time I log into this site and as I am reading each and every story, I am more and more shocked. I had no idea there were so many of us out there going thru the same situation.

    I have been dating a MM for 5 months now and I have to admit that Ive never been this happy like I am now. I mean i know that this man is not mine, but lets not forget, that we dont belong to anybody. He makes me feel like nothing else matters when we are togethe. You see, when you start off with a man, you tell yourself that its going to be different than the previous relationships, that this time you are going to take it easy and that you know what you are getting yourself into. NOT!!!! doesnt work like that. before you know it, you fall as hard as you did before or harder, you loose your cool, and sometimes just sometimes, you settle. although you know its wrong and you get upset, you settle. It doesnt matter what you tell yourself, wether you say \”i know this is not right, or im going to break it off tomorrow\” , you dont stop. you continue, because deep down, you have a little bit of hope and you want him to leave wha the has at home. Before you know it, you have fallen in love with this man. His charm, his charisma, his desire and his passion…all that drives you insane. and the more you see him, the more in love you fall. I agree with a fellow bloger who stated that if the man is cheating…its because he is lacking something at home. its a very tough situation to be in, and it doesnt get easier with time.

  234. noname Says:

    I can’t take it anymore…i’m braking down…I have to quite my job. It’s the only way I can get away from him clean. I’m looking for another job but haven’t found anything yet. I don’t know what to do!!

  235. Foolishgirl Says:

    I have fallen in love with a married man and I feel utterly miserable. I entered into this with my eyes wide open and it is completly my own fault as I initiated the “relationship”. He told me from the beginning that he was not going to leave his wife and that he did not want to hurt her or me. I know he has feeling for me too, I guess that’s why he always feels so guilty. I am also in a long term relationship, the difference though is that I would end my relationship for him, that is how stongly I feel about him. I feel so foolish sometimes but I have no intention of giving him up, if all I can have are snatched moments together then I would rather have them than not have him at all.

  236. OnlysleptwithOneWomanmyWife Says:

    Here is my story,
    I loved my wife since we were kids. Well i was a teenager and she was just getting to be one. We got married when we were in our twenty’s. I have only slept with her. Never been unfaithful to her, but after her family moved into our lives I saw that she stopped taking care of our interest. She was very kind first, we spend many hours talking during our courtship of fifteen years, now she seem to just want to spend time with her family, and friends. She also berates me in front of them.
    While I try to work and save for the family and our son, in this economy she wants the expensive car and house.
    I have been getting depressed, gained weight and am really overworked.
    Everything is a verbal fight. I am tired of feeling unloved, and unappreciated. I told her how I felt and she cried and told me that all i want is a divorce. Well there is more to the story, but mostly I imagine when I got married to my wife that we would spend time working, and building a future. For our child and for us to grow old together. Now after loving her for over 15 years,my heart is not feeling that love anymore. I have been hurting too long.

    At my weakest time, a friend of mine, visited the city where I live. She I knew for over 8-9 years. I always taught that she was a hard working woman, beautiful and very caring. A “Christian Woman” who went to seminary school, speaks 3 languages and has the biggest heart for everyone.
    So I spent time with her. I found that life was worth living again. I felt happy for the first time in a long while. She saw me after 7 years, me being overweight she still saw straight through me and found that I was beautiful. We spoke about everything, and we cried.
    We kissed, we got very close to having sex, but we backed away. We were and am afraid now to loose each other’s friendship if we cross that line.
    I would rather be her friend and no sex than to have that pleasure and loose her.
    She is now a few thousand miles away. Good for me I guess , good for her too.
    I think she is my soulmate but I believe that the way this world is put together is to create more drama for the GODs than to allow us to be happy as humans.

    Anyway, here is what I found out.

    In life you mostly want the thing that “they say” you should not have. This makes the desire/temptation greater. I do believe that we need to say “no” to ourselves. Yes human nature is strong but don’t be duped into intimacy until it is comfortable.
    This is why most affairs starts.

    Things are easier to be broken than to be built.
    It takes years to build a community around you and your spouse. A separation puts you back so much, in money and time. It will affect your child’s education fund, to own a home, contacts and friends you both have accrued. Is it really worth it?
    This is why most men do not leave their wives.

    The mental growth of spouses.
    I am in my early 30’s and my friends are in their 40’s and 50’s. My understanding of life, finances, religion and other topics are great than my wife’s. She is in her late 20’s but all of her friend’s are now touching early 20’s and none are married.
    We can’t really communicate on the level of interest that makes 2 into 1. We are focus on totally different things. Same thing happens when affairs starts in work places. People who shares similar interest with you will always be very attractive.
    This is why communication deteriorates.

    The way how I now look at life, is that my child comes first. My desires cannot be satisfied with just an affair out of my marriage. I cannot hurt a friend, or my wife. So I will now take my life… an just live. Whatever happens, happens, because no one who reads this post will be concerned if I still exist on this planet or if I am no longer here. Same as I do about the other people who post their comments. We as humans, have to be honest first with ourselves, judge not, and understand that true happiness comes from within. I think that marriage should have never been instituted, its a flawed agreement, since its an agreement of possessing someone else. Slavery is also an agreement of possession of another human being. Parenting is not. As humans, we are all into possessing someone, something, some idea. I have read many of the post, everyone wants someone for themselves, they are lonely, needy, can’t function alone. Until we can free ourselves of possessing, only then can we be truly free. Marriage I guess was instituted so that we can protect the future of mankind, our children. But to keep the other person loving you, wanting you, attracted to you. For you to possess and be passionate about. This is really difficult and most people i think do fake it. Everyone loves the honeymoon, but to live with someone year in year out. You will get hurt, you will get treated badly and you will get attractions from the outside.
    The PROBLEM is that MARRIAGE, ..is really not FROM GOD. This is a man made institution and I should have study about the origin of marriage before venturing into it. Oh well .. that life. Happiness to All!

  237. anon Says:

    it’s nice to hear the male view in this post. we do care. we’re all human and all have a need to be loved in a special way. what will be will be. ACCEPT WHAT IS. life is too short. take whatever love comes your way, i say.

  238. Internetfriend Says:

    I’ve been friends with a man 6 months now through online dating,we are both very attracted to eachother in so many ways.finally one e mail came and said he was married.He said his wife doesn’t mind and in fact encourges a little fun on the side – should I feel guilty or just take it?We really do want to meet eachother now,I don’t expect anything longterm out of this anyway.

  239. to internetfriend Says:

    if you can keep from falling in love. . he could say anything to keep you. if you can trust that what he’s telling you about his wife is true, go for it, enjoy the ride. live, learn and move on. sounds like he’s non committal as well.

  240. abitconflicted Says:

    Okay So I found this site today and read many posts, but none relate to me. Last night I slept with a married man. I do not want a relationship with him, nor want him to leave his wife. I met him over 7 yrs ago, we work at the same company. He was not married when we met, but I was in a relationship. He has always been flirty and over the years we have become great friends. I even know his wife and children. He has been attracted me to since day 1, and the feeling was a bit mutual- but I never allowed him to take it further than friends. Weve gone out with co-workers many times, and met for coffee. Last week he told me that he wanted to kiss me and asked if I would give him permission. I said no, and left it at that. I am not married and have no kids and just ended a LONG relationship. To make this story short he invited me to see a movie- something weve done before. We go to the movies and then he takes me to his house. He just bought it a few months ago and he wanted to see it….well as naive as I was I went and I was surprised no one was there. His wife and kids went to visit their grandmother. Long story short, he kissed me. and I allowed it to happen. I was there all night and one thing led to another. IN THEIR OWN HOUSE. Now, I am not one of those women that has low self esteem, or sleeps around. That is not who I am. I guess after so many years, weve been holding back and we could not any more. The problem is that : I do not feel bad. Is that wrong? I am not the one who took vows and broke them. Although if I wasnt there, it would not have happened. I am well aware that I deserve so much more, and am not worried about meeting a nice single man. Like I said I just got out of a relationship and I am not ready to jump into another one. It was sex between two people who have known and respected each other for many years. I do not think anything will change. He called me today ( this happned last night) and just wanted to make sure I was okay. I am not planning on doing this again, I was curious as was he. I do not want our great friendship to change. I am not a stupid woman ,perhaps he is just using me , but I am not expecting anything in return. I am not sure if this is going to lead to other encounters. I don’t know if I want that. I told my best friend and her reply was that he was a jerk and I should not stoop that low, that I deserve better. Yes, I used to think that way, but until you find yourself in the situation- you cannot pass judgement. I too think that marriage is a flawed thing, which is the reason I have not married. I am 31 and he is 41. This is his second marriage. He claims to have never cheated on his wife before this. Well, he has not opened Pandoras box. Is ther something wrong with me, that I have no remorse? It was fun I enjoyed it, and no one is going to get hurt. I hope…

  241. MsMe Says:

    I fell in love with a man who I don’t think realizes I know he’s married. Cybergwen has it exactly right, those are the things that keep you sane and able to enjoy, while also retaining your own life. I wish I felt comfortable telling him relax, you don’t have to keep secrets with me- but I appreciate that he has said nothing rather than lie to me. What he doesn’t say says it all, and I never pushed; he didn’t cause me stress and I wouldn’t want to cause him any, either. He deployed for 2 years with the military, so I told him goodbye and that I appreciated that the time we spent was something special in my life. Four months after he left, he wrote, to see if I still cared. Yes, indeed; how could I not. But I also know that loving someone doesn’t mean you have to own them.

  242. Reynolds Says:

    I have been dating a married man for several months. Same story – no love in a 30 year marriage, never done this before, loves me like no one else but … I ended it last night as it is too difficult to be the second thought. I have been reading this site for months and thought – of course – that would never happen to me. Well, it has and it is the most difficult and humiliating feeling in the entire world. Please — if you are considering an affair – don’t. The hurt is not worth it. It is a lonely heartache as I can’t tell anyone about it. I am extremely sad and more importantly, angry with myself. I am grateful that his wife doesn’t know about it as it would make it even worse. Don’t go there!!!

  243. Reynolds Says:

    I have been dating a married man for several months. Same story – no love in a 30 year marriage, never done this before, loves me like no one else but … I ended it last night as it is too difficult to be the second thought. I have been reading this site for months and thought – of course – that would never happen to me. Well, it has and it is the most difficult and humiliating feeling in the entire world. Please — if you are considering an affair – don’t. The hurt is not worth it. It is a lonely heartache as I can’t tell anyone about it. I am extremely sad and more importantly, angry with myself. I am grateful that his wife doesn’t know about it as it would make it even worse. Don’t go there!!!

  244. ImPrettyShesNot Says:

    Test Post

  245. ImPrettyShesNot Says:

    Yes! I won my married man over. I’m so lucky! He left his wife and 3 kids and moved in with me! His wife and kids are going to soon going to have to move out of their house because since he is gone they can no longer afford to stay there and I shall try my best to spend most of his money so he will not pay any to that wench and those brats. Oops, my bad! His kids call him and cry over the phone because they miss their Dad. Stupid kids, my needs are more important than theirs, they will get over it. I understand his wife is now on some kind of anti-depressant drugs and there is rumor that his parents are going to take the kids from her for a while until she gets herself together emotionally. Stupid broad, she should have known that after 10 years, a younger prettier woman like me would come along and scoop him up, he is such a hunk! So what she has had 3 kids, she is flabby around the middle and should have taken better care of herself. I will never ever lose my figure and I will always be beautiful and treat my man good enough that he will never cheat on me like he did her. I feel lucky today! I think I will go in there and give him a big hug just in case he is missing the baygirl he calls “Noo Noo”. She is so cute but hopefully he will never spend time with her and spend it all with me because of he sees NooNoo then he has to see the ole whench and I don’t want him feelin sorry for her and giving her one dime! Get a better job B! No one told you to put him through college and not get a degree yourself. Foolish foolish woman! But hang in there girls, if you want your married man all you have got to do is play your cards right and he will leave his family for you. It happened to me it can happen for you.

  246. renae Says:

    have spent some time reading the comments above. I’m very shocked to find so many comments from women who have dated a married man/men.

    I have a lot to say about this scenario.

    First, about three years ago, my supervisor partnered me with this guy for the evening. We both worked in corrections. He didn’t talk to me the entire night, until I was leaving and he jumped in my car. He started talking and aside from the fact I thought him jumping in my car was weird … we did seem to hit it off right away.

    Well, he continued to talk to me at work …. he was very flirtatious. I was still hesitant to start anything. He began making more forward comments about us being together … dating … going out and such.

    I started to fall for this guy – against my will.

    One day he came into work upset and he ran his hand through his hair – that is when I noticed the wedding band. I then asked him if he was married and he said yes. Then he went into this story about only being married because of his little boy. He continued to say he and his wife were not together …. that they were separated.

    Immediately, my mind was whirling.

    I am very convicted against dating a married man. To me … I take marriage vows seriously. If you get divorced, that is one thing. But married and separated is STILL MARRIED.

    Unfortunately, I was in an emotional stressful time in my life – and he had already made that connection with me.

    He and I continued to be friends and go out together and talk on the phone. He kept pressing for a relationship and i just never fed into it, although I wanted to.

    Well, I was injured on the job and left. I live outside of where I worked, my phone got cut off and everything with this guy fell aside.

    It had been two years and I had thought about him all the time. I often wondered if he and his wife were still together, or if they had separated.

    Well, he found me on facebook … I was hesitant to talk to him on the phone … but so much of me was hoping things were finally clear for us to be together.

    I called, and my heart immediately went right back to the place it was. I was so happy to hear his voice. As we were talking, it seemed that no one wanted to bring up the ‘married thing.’ But, he then asked me some things I require in a man and I would state something and he would reply with ‘check, got that.’

    I knew I had to know … so I finally said ‘he has to be single,’ and there was dead silence on the other end of the phone.

    Then …. “unfortunately, I’m not.”

    I had the opportunity there to stop things before they started. But, I didn’t. I kept talking to him. I don’t know why.

    He began to tell me how much he cared about me and wondered why I had dropped off the face of the earth and it was good to talk to me and he wanted to be with me and all that jazz.

    Well, it felt good to hear those nice things. It really did. In one conversation, I let myself get in over my head.

    We continued to talk and text and email. We talked all the time and were planning on reuniting.

    In my heart, I knew things could be innocent and I could talk myself out of guilt if we kept things on the phone. But, I also knew that if we were together, things would not stay innocent.

    I couldn’t bring myself to completely committing adultry …. although in reality …. I already was. Intimacy is so much more than just sexual …

    I had to make a decision. I was overwhelmed with guilt. My mind never wandered off of him. I would think about being with him and doing things with him … and then … my mind would hit a brick wall. HE’S MARRIED. You will not have him the way you want him.

    I brought myself to the place I was able to make the decision.

    I wrote him this …. because I knew if I did this on the phone … I would not be able to get the words out or back down to his ‘but this and but that.”

    I can’t sleep, so I thought I would write.

    I’m sitting here, in the middle of the night, trying to go over everything in my head. Really, I’ve gotten nowhere, except for a big headache.

    I’m not going to lie or deny that I did not have feelings for you back a few years ago, or the potential for feelings now. I’m not going to say that I have not thought a million times about throwing caution to the wind and forgetting all of the things that kept me from pursuing you before. I also cannot pretend that your wife, family, and very stable life do not exist.

    When we worked together, I don’t know what it was about you, but you certainly did catch my eye. Maybe you etched yourself into my mind that day you ignored me on Alpha A and then later jumped into my car as an almost complete stranger. I don’t know. But, I did take notice of you and found many things that I liked.

    You were funny, great with the kids, laid back, handsome, charming …… you could make me smile …

    I didn’t know you were married until a day, for the first time, I noticed you wearing a wedding band. I thought for sure it was just one of those bands that people wear for no particular reason. But, when I asked you if you were married … and you said yes … my mind hit a brick wall.

    I can’t explain why I continued to talk to you and ignore my mind screaming “HE’S MARRIED!” I think a part of me tried to explain it away with the fact that you were not happily married … I tried to justify my reasons for placing my morals and integrity on the sidelines.

    I honestly didn’t believe I was going to be able to fight off those feelings for much longer. But, it was that week I went out for surgery and recovery …. Circumstances transpired to where I never returned.

    Until that day you emailed me.

    I didn’t want things to start off again where they ended before. But, a part of me was curious as to whether circumstances in your life had changed.

    In talking to you that first time, I realized nothing had changed. You were still married … still part of a family …. Still living in a very stable life. Unhappy maybe. Unsatisfying maybe. But, still so.

    Again, I’ve struggled. This time throwing a little more caution to the wind. I’ve let myself more easily ignore the facts that have not been altered over the past three years.

    I’m not really clear on what exactly you wanted then, nor am I really clear on what you want now. I don’t know whether something with me would be some fun on the side, a temporary escape from your unhappiness, or something more serious. I don’t mean any disrespect in saying I am unclear of where you stand – I’m just trying to be as honest as I can.

    But, I do know where I stand, even if I seemed to have forgotten for a moment.

    The complete and honest truth is that, no matter how much I want to or how much I try – I cannot ignore the guilt I feel when I talk to you, or think about you.

    Yeah, things seem almost innocent on the phone. But, we both know that in person, things would be different – more real, I guess you could say.

    The reality is, no matter how much I might grow to care … you are driving to your home, to your wife, to your child/children, living your already-made life … fulfilling responsibilities as a husband and father. A few texts and minutes of conversation snuck in between your family dinners and tucking your son into bed have little comparison … at the end of the day – you belong to someone else.

    I’m usually very good at sharing. My home, my possessions, my space, my time, my clothes, my food …… but, not my man …. Especially when I could never truly call him mine. And, you said it yourself, you can’t have two wives.

    Without meaning to sound rude or vain – I place more value in myself than to be anyone’s side dish …

    I’m not going to, nor will I ever, ask or demand you give any of your life up for me. That would be selfish, irresponsible, and immoral.

    Nor will I let myself exist in a relationship that has potential to lead nowhere … except down a bumpy road that is sure to end in pain and frustration.

    You may not feel that this situation is a big deal … you may be taking it with a grain of salt … but in my heart – I cannot rightfully let things go on. It would not be fair to either one of us.

    At one point, either you are going to want more than I am willing to give …. or … I am going to want more than you are willing to give. I can’t see either situation ending happily.

    I have written this letter because I express myself better by writing. Also, I want to apologize. My intentions were never to lead you on, but I fear that I probably have.

    From what I know, you seem to be someone, who under different circumstances, I would love to pursue something with.

    Unfortunately, these are not different circumstances.

    I hope you and your wife find a way to make your family work happily —– or, I hope you find someone who better completes you. Either way, I wish you nothing but happiness.

    I hope, if you are the man I think you are, you will regard this letter with kindness and understanding and not with anger and frustration.

    ……………

    The truth is ladies … I still think about him and I still wonder ‘what if.” But in reality, if he is not actively getting a divorce then he IS NOT GOING TO!

    This guy had three years to change things with his wife …. but nothing changed …. with me in or out of the picture … if things were bad enough … he would have divorced.

    Ladies WE ARE SO MUCH BETTER THAN LOWERING OUR STANDARDS FOR A MAN WHO IS WILLING TO TAKE 100 PERCENT OF US AND GIVE US ONLY 2 PERCENT OF HIM!

    TAKE MY ADVICE …. BEING INVOLVED WITH A MAN WHO IS ALREADY INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE ELSE IS JUST ASKING FOR BEING DEPRESSED, LONELY, JELEOUS, OVER-THE-TOP EMOTIONAL … AND SO ON.

    DON’T THINK YOU LIKE THE ADRENALINE RUSH. IT MIGHT BE NICE AT FIRST, BUT IT WILL FADE AND BECOME AN EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT THAT YOU WILL HAVE A HARD TIME SEVERING. ONCE YOU ARE THERE, YOU WILL PUT UP WITH THE TWO PERCENT YOU GET OF HIM JUST SO YOU CAN GET THAT TWO PERCENT!

    IT IS HARD – FINDING A MAN THAT YOU WANT – BUT CAN’T HAVE. BUT THE PAIN OUTWEIGHS ALL ELSE.

    JUST LIKE I TOLD MY MARRIED MAN … AT THE END OF THE DAY … YOU BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE.

    LADIES – REALIZE YOUR TRUE WORTH! YOU ARE MORE VALUABLE AS A WOMAN THAN TO BE ANYONE’S SIDE DISH … BE THE WHOLE FULL-COURSE MEAL OR TELL HIM TO STOP BY MCDONALDS ON HIS WAY HOME!!! YOU ARE NOT A TWO-FOR-ONE DEAL!

    Sorry, I know it is harder than it sounds.

    But let a married man be married and open your eyes to a man who can give all of himself to you!

    Also, I thought of it this way: If I were marred, I would NOT want my husband cheating on me …. in any way. I’m a firm believer in what goes around comes around! If you allow yourself to steal a part of another woman’s man – IT WILL COME BACK TOYOU!

    Ladies – don’t settle for less than what you are worth! I almsot did!

  247. To Renae Says:

    I commend you for being a strong woman. Not everyone can be like you, although we all should. I just slept with a married man, but that was it. The feelings were too strong for me to ignore. I am not killing myself over it, nor regret it. It was sex, I was curious and that was that. I know he will never leave his wife, nor would I want him to. I would never trust him, nor would I want something with kids as baggage.

    I am very proud of you. Just wondering, what was his reponse?

  248. Thank you Renae Says:

    yes, i am also very proud of you for being so strong and sharing so much. i am also curious what his response was to your letter? my mm’s marriage is nearing it’s end and i am waiting and hoping… if i don’t take the plunge, i’ll always be wondering. thanks again renae.

  249. renae Says:

    To #’s 247 and 248 ….

    His response was simple. I’m not sure what I expected …. I didn’t know whether he would get upset or understand.

    He told me that he understood and that he could never be upset with my decision.

    Like I said … it was simple – but kind.

    I haven’t spoken to him since – which is hard because of our friendship that was there. BUT – that tie has to be completely cut because if I still maintained a ‘friendship’ with him – it would be too easy for me to slip right back into where we were before.

    It took all I had to say goodbye – and it feels better every day …

    Something really awesome to think about ladies … just kind of a praise report …

    The week after I ’said goodbye’ this really awesome SINGLE MAN and I mean real MAN has started talking to me and we seem to be hitting it off really well.

    This man is single … great job … passionate about life …. knows how to treat a woman … is just proving to be sooooooo amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I would NEVER have seen him in my life if I still had my eyes on my married man! Think of the opportunity I would have missed!

    Think of what you may be missing or may miss in your life!

    Wow – I can honestly say ladies – I have such a peace about me now! I have more confidence in myself. I do not feel ashamed! It is just soooo much weight lifted off my mind and burden off my heart since I SAID GOODBYE!

    I wish you all the best of luck and pray you find the REAL MAN that can complete you and fulfil you in every way!!!!!!!

  250. To Renae Says:

    I am very happy for you! You are so correct, you can get hung up on a MM and not even notice other wonderful SINGLE men that may be paying you attention. Since you made the right choice, that single man was placed in your path.
    Hope we can all find our great single man one day as well!

  251. thank you for your response Renae Says:

    wow, what an amazing story and thanks for sharing. what gives you the strength to make these decisions? amazing example of the universe rewarding courage. You are a very courageous woman Renae and worthy of a good man. wish i had your strength but i do not have anyone who i can share my secret with as my family are more religious than I and they would not agree with my mm relationship. you are an inspiration.

  252. Renae Says:

    to #251

    Thank you for your kind words! I understand what you mean by having no one to share your secret with ….. boy do I know! That can be the biggest burden to carry during this situation. I couldn’t tell my family or friends because I knew they would look down upon me. So, I could never tell them I was with a married man – so no one was there to help me or support me during the relationship – or to help me get over the relationship. Going through something like that can be really tough. If you need someone to talk to — feel free to email me at crosssolja@hotmail.com. I can try my best to be that friend for you!

    As for you not being strong enough – the strength is there – you just have to find it! You have to want to find it first, though.

    Like I said, email me if you need a friend to talk to.

  253. Joanie Says:

    HELP ME PLEASE….
    I’ve met the most wonderful married man a month ago. It seems like we’re both totally falling for each other. I’m separated after 20 years with 3 younger kids. He’s younger than me but has 1 college age daughter. He’s been married for 10 years. Same story, we sneak around trying to find little windows of time to spend together, talk & txt daily. (M-F) So far we’ve only kissed – nothing more.

    AM I OUT OF MY MIND?? THIS IS HIS NOTE FROM FRIDAY..
    good morning my love. i tried really hard to do the right thing. but deep inside i was hoping you would text, call, or write. you knew that we cant stay away from each other. this makes me wonder what the right thing really is. does this mean that the right thing for us is to follow our hearts? to completely fall for each other? to lose all control and see where that takes us? it sure does look that way now. we really do have a special connection, but its becoming clear just how special now that you are ready to throw caution to the wind and take these giant emotional risks.

    i am so glad that we will get to still see each other, and find quiet spots to talk and kiss and stare at each other. over time i can only hope we wont have to sneak around any more. but right now you and i are going to do whatever we have to.

    we really, really need to see each other. there is a chance i could escape this evening. text you later.

    IT’S THE WEEKEND.. AND NO WORD FROM HIM. I KNOW I’M CRAZY… PLEASE HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT..

  254. TO: Joanie Says:

    I have been in your shoes before … talking and texting daily … sharing an emotional bond that seems was ‘meant to be’ that the only thing stopping you from true bliss is that the man of your affection is married to another … yes yes …. I have been there before.

    That is — Monday thru Friday I have been there. The weekends it seems were off limits – true family time – a time where he had a harder time hiding his secret life from his family.

    Then – Monday – not only does he clock back into work – he clocks back into you.

    I have laid in bed at night and daydreamed about what it would be like to have him to myself all of the time – how I would treat him so much better than the horrible nag he has at home. How I would be the love of his life and he the love of mine.

    I could go on and paint a prettier picture – but I’m sure you already know what I’m saying.

    The fact is, love – 99 percent of the time he is not going to leave his wife and stability for someone else! See – men see things as investments. He has invested years of his life, money, emotions, time — and so on into this woman and his family and his wife’s family and so on.

    He has invested a few texts and conversations into you.

    He has more to lose when he loses his wife – and I can assure you he sees it that way too!

    I’m not saying he isn’t emotionally and sexually attracted to you – he prob. is. But the fact remains – you are fun on the side – you are an ‘idea’ of freedom to him.

    You are his ‘break’ away from home.

    With you he doesn’t have to worry about children, finances, health and all that other stuff that goes into a real marriage.

    So, yeah he wants you in his life – prob because he is stressed or bored or feels unloved or unappreciated at home – but the fact remains he will not 99 times out of a hundred – leave his stable life for you or any other woman who can be his love on the side.

    If he didn’t care in some way for his wife and family – he would have left before you arrived. He would have. You didn’t just show up and ta da he saw all that he was missing in life.

    No offense to you. You are prob a wonderful woman. But, there is a wonderful man out there for you – and he doesn’t belong to another woman already.

    Even if he did leave his wife and family for you – could you truly live knowing you are the cause of pain and heartache to a whole family.

    These men who cheat on their wives – and even women who cheat on their husbands – all tell their side lovers how horrible their spouse is and paint a picture of dissatisfaction!

    Makes me wanna gag.

    Ladies – don’t play the pity party. They are men and they are playing your heart strings.

    I was involved with a married man over a period of time who kept throwing me that bologna. The truth was – his wife really was psycho – yes she was. BUT – he had a house – a family – vehicles – bills – all together with her.

    It was easier for him to care for me on the side and not have to deal with digging up the stability of his life.

    Come to find out – he also had another girl on the side besides me and his wife. Who knows how many.

    So, while I am building my life around a married man – giving him all of me and not even getting him in return – he was still going home and laying in the bed next to his wife – and sleeping with this other girl on the side – who he prob. told her the same sob story too.

    Married men who roam outside their family – beware of them. They want their cake with a little hot fudge sundae on the side – and guess what ladies – the hot fudge sundae is you!

    Don’t let yourselves be fooled. Even if he is sincere — he is sincerely married. Leave him along until he isn’t or open your eyes to the other men in the world.

  255. Kittie Says:

    First of all, you need not to put your total focus on this relationship, because it will drive you crazy. You have to remember that he has responsibilities with the home life and until he decides he cannot live a dual life, there is not much you can do about it.

    So go out and have fun with friends, get a hobby, work out…and just be ready when he is there.

    It is a test of surviving the emotional ups and downs that occur when you are involved with a married man.

  256. Nancy Says:

    Please help! I have had a relationship with a married man for months. Same story but now he is really serious about leaving his wife … he was so jealous about me going to a black tie event with a date that he now wants to go; doesn’t care who finds out (several of his colleagues will be there), etc. Am I thrilled? Of course – am I afraid — 100%! My sensible side tells me to talk him out of coming with me; my heart wants him there, of course — I know right from wrong – I just can’t end this. Someone help!

  257. cottonlily Says:

    #265: Don’t fall for it. He’s not going to out himself in public with you. He’s only jealous of your date and is trying to get you to either go alone or not go at all. But I can guarantee you he’s not going with you. If he was really serious about leaving his wife he’d just do it rather than using that line to string you along.

  258. noname Says:

    TO JOANIE,
    I want to print your e-mail and read it every day. It was two years in May and everything you said is right. He’s basically telling me to even move on because he can’t take the pressure anymore. From me, from her, from work. I have to move on but we work together. I know I put myself in this position and i am looking for new jobs. But things are bad out there and I’m eating a lot and not taking care of myself. I find it hard to put myself first which is probably the reason I would settle for a mm after so long. It’s nice to know i’m not alone and that there are women out there who moved on and put themselves first. How do i move on and look at him everyday??

  259. dear noname from To Joanie .. Says:

    I’m sorry you have had to face such pain and heartache in this situation. Unfortunately, this is the way most relationships with a married man with pan out.

    The truth is – it is hard. It was one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do … maybe because when a woman becomes emotionally intimate with a man – married or not – there is such a deeply rooted attachment that occurs.

    With a married man, not only is there a deeply rooted attachment, sometimes there is the excitement of ‘wow, he is choosing me over her,” or there is the excitement we might have felt in high school when our parents forbid we be with someone and we snuck around and did it anyways.

    Do you remember those times? I do – It was absolutely exhilerating.

    But, those of you who had that little romp of excitement doing what your parents said not to do …. I ask you this … Did anything productive ever come of the relationships you had to sneak around to be in? Anything good?

    For me – the answer is no.

    Those usually ended more dramatically – and then when the parents saw you so heartbroken and crushed – there came the I told you sos as well as the lack of trust from the parents because you went behind their backs. OR – you hid it altogether and had no one to confide in.

    See, our high school years can actually teach us a lot about life. We are not so much different that we cannot still learn … are we?

    See NONAME and any other woman listening …..

    You have lost the true value of your worth! Think about that!

    You are worth MORE than a phone call when no one else is around.

    You are worth more than a text he send while he walks the dog or goes to the bathroom. Of which he will immediately erase as soon as he sends so he doesn’t get caught. And those sweet little somethings you send him – they are deleted too!

    You are worth more than dinner at a restaurant you have to drive three hours to go to because he can risk being seen with you.

    You are worth more than him ignoring you at work in front of others – and then wanting to grope you till the sun doesn’t shine right after you clock out.

    You are worth more than him counting on you to be his oasis – yet finding no solace in him.

    You are worth more than having to spend holidays knowing he is living the brady bunch life with his family – while you are doing misc. things to keep yourself busy.

    You are worth more being the woman in the shadow – while all you really want is to openly walk down a busy street you are both familiar with – holding hands and glowing from the love and romance you feel!

    You are worth a man who will not only be wonderful and caring to you – but one who will highlight those parts of you that were meant to shine!

    You are worth a man that says to his friends, when he sees you, “Hey, there she is … isn’t she beautiful?”

    You are worth a man who will want the whole world to know that you are his and he is yours – because he cares just that much!

    You are worth the price of having peace about yourself and your life!

    You are worth true love …..

    Find the value of your worth!

    Make up your mind – make your FINAL goodbye and DON”T turn back! Don’t call him in moments of weakness. Don’t answer his call in moments of loneliness. Don’t think “what if?” Say goodbye – get rid of anything you need to get rid of him, delete his number out of your phone, don’t take those side glances of him, don’t try to be just friends, don’t don’t don’t – think you can do any of these things and still succeed at saying goodbye.

    You have to cut all ties – as hard as that seems.

    Find some friends and keep yourself busy for a while – it will get easier! I promise!

  260. Joanie Says:

    Well since I wrote the note a week ago Friday – my entire world crashed down with my MM. I got a long heartfelt email from him that Sunday morning – this never happened. This was usually only M-F. On Monday another wonderful email.. and later in the afternoon a long phone call.

    On Tuesday his wife found out that he had been emailing me, calling me, seeing me on the side. We talked for along time that evening – both crying about this. He of course was crying that he had to do the right thing and get his life in order and that if he was going to change his life he had to do it in the right order.. leave his wife, morn the loss, then move on. He was worried for her well being as she is bi-polar and unstable.

    Move ahead to Friday.. I have a huge fight with my separated husband. He is verbally and physically abusive to me. Really bad scene – took some hits from him. I escape with my kids and in a moment of weakness I txt my MM. He is very concerned. txt for 1.5 hrs about this – but he’s not coming to my rescue.. and I know that. Sat night he txts me to see if I’m ok. By not I am starting to come to terms that MM is gone. I am dealing with my ex – getting divorce process rolling. MM starts off texting really nice then asks if it would help me get over him if I hated him.. then he wants to tell me the “truth”.

    He tells me this started out because he just wanted to play me. and that everything he had told me was a lie – had been married but divorced now and in a 3 yr relationship. That he’s a cheater and a bad person. That he broke it off with me because he started to feel something for me but knows I’m a good person and doesn’t want to hurt me anymore.

    In my heart of hearts – I know the tail he told me last night is not true. He want’s me to hate him so I can move on quicker. But what he doesn’t know is that this has caused me to break – my spirit and my heart and now broken and I am lost. I have never been so depressed and upset. Will I heal – yes, but why is everything in my world falling apart? I am attractive, successful, fun, smart women. I know I deserve to be happy but it is so hard to get out of bed start over again.

  261. To Dear Noname from: abitconflicted Says:

    Your post was incredible. It has given me strength that I did not know I had. Thanks.

  262. Why Says:

    why was my entry removed?

    I don’t understand.

    I checked back for responses and my entry is completely gone.

    Thant makes me sad. I found such solace here.

    Can someone help me understand why?

    “IDidItAllForTheNukki”

  263. Anon Says:

    i’ve spent half an hour entering my story and it’s not registered. i don’t really understand why. it’s done that to me a couple of times now but i’ll still keep trying. this site is so addictive and has become my life line. thanks you strong women. that post on being worthy was so true to this situation with a mm. blimey, sends quivers up my spine. sometimes i wonder whether i am scared of commitment, maybe that’s why i’ve attracted my situation.

  264. Miss Independent Says:

    my mm is very creative, practical, emotionally in tune, gentle, giving, everything i want he makes sure i get it. he tells me i’m beautiful everyday, actually, so much that i wish he’d have a more extended vocabulary. his wife is dependent on him but i can see that he has encouraged a lot of that and i will not let that happen to me as well. i am wondering about the personality of these mm and whether they are all a similar breed (need to be needed) they can’t seem to be honest with themselves. they want the icing all the time and we are it. sometimes the icing gets sickly and you want more variety outside the bedroom. at least we are all pushed to be independent in our lives. we certainly can not depend on them to physically be there for us. is this making us stronger or preventing us from being in the real world?

  265. me. To Joanie Says:

    wondering if you have children?

    i know what you mean when you say that everything in your world is

    falling apart. . . this is what happens to me each time we have

    needed the space from each other. He keeps me above water. i hope

    you are ok. this bond is so addictive and life becomes like

    death when there is silence because you are so used to getting

    messages and phone calls from him. so use to being free for him.

    it’s difficult to find something else to give you that same

    satisfaction, love, or whatever you call it.

    phone calls

  266. anne40 Says:

    I’ve been seeing my mm for 8yrs. The more i’m with him the more him the more i see a future with him. I found that we are very compatiable and we love fun and wild adventures. I truly believe that he loves me the same as I love him. I say whatever you did ladies to get them please whatever you keep it that and you won’t go wrong.

  267. anne40 Says:

    YEAH WE MAY ALL BE IN THE BOAT TO A CERTAIN DEGREE, BUT IF WE TOOK THE TIME TO GET KNOW OUR MM. WE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE FOR OURSELVES IF ITS RIGHT FOR US NOT FALL IN LOVE AFTER HAVING SEX ON THE FIRST NIGHT. ALWAYS REMEMBER THE BEGINNING IS ALWAYS GOOD TRY ADDING SOME REAL TIME AND THEN SEE IF IT’S WHAT YOU WANT, AS OPPOSE TO WHAT THEY WANT. LADIES THE SECRET TO ALL OF THIS IS THAT MM SEEK COMFORT IN US BECAUSE SOMETHING AT HOME IS MISSING. THAT’S WHY I SAY IF HE DOESN’T MAKE THE FIRST MOVE ON YOU, TURN THE TABLES AND YOU MAKE THE FIRST MOVE. DON’T BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS, MAKE SURE THAT YOUR SEXUAL ESCAPADES SEND HIM HOME ON HIS KNEES. EVERY NOW AND THEN MAKE HIS FEMININE SIDE COME OUT. BE HIS BEST FRIEND, LISTEN AND TALK. GIVE HIM A HUG AND SHOW HIM IT’S GONNA BE ALRIGHT. REMEMBER MEN COME FROM A WOMEN SO KEEP THE BABY BOTTLE NEXT TO THE BED. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

  268. disgusted Says:

    Those last couple of entries make me sick. Not only is it bad enough falling for a married man without trying, anne, your advice is to break up a marriage on purpose!

    Yeah, things may not be great at home for a married man, BUT HE IS STILL MARRIED!

    If everyone cheating when things got hard or ‘not as fun’ as they use to be, this world would be a very sick and sadistic place …. MORE than it is already.

    Do you know how many marriages would work out if sick women who could say NO to a married man would get a little backbone and just do it?

    And guess what,if those marriages didn’t work out …. then those men would be single and ready for the taking – clear and free.

    Why? Why go onto turf that is not your own? Just for the excitement and grander of it all? Grow up ladies! Get a little sense! Back off the married man until he is not married! If it were really the man you wanted and not the excitement – you would!

    Stop being so selfish and self-centered that you could totally dismiss and wife and children because you want to be happy! Of course he is telling you the wife is crazy and never cares about it – men play our hearts! Doesn’t mean it is true.

    Even if it is – let it be. Go for one of the billion single guys out there.

    Stop messing with marriages!

    Do you think because the married man is the one who is cheating that you are innocent! NO NO NO! Please don’t wipe away your guilt! You are just as guilty and need to know that.

    I know there are some women who fall for a man before she realizes he is married – that is a tough situation. But my goodness, to purposely try to get a man to cheat with you – what kind of sick, disgustic, self-centered harlot are you?

    Those type of ‘females’ give women a bad name! Uhhhggg!

  269. Katrina Says:

    hello ladies! ummmm “disgusted” why are even on this website?? did u have a situation like that? do u really think it’s that easy to say no when “him” is just what you think about every single day, every hour and every minute?? when a man cheats, there is something obviously wrong with that marriage and he’s not happy. and he is happy when with another woman. i started seeing my married man a year ago. i wanted him and i wanted to be happy with him. guess what? i am now happily married to him. YES – he left his crazy wife for me. do i feel guilty? NOPE! he made a decision, he made that step, and we worked to the same goal – HAPPINESS! guys who cheat on their wifes, already have zero respect for them. but since they think that they are stuck in that ugly marriage – they sometimes need a little push, support and help that would convince them that they are not going to be left alone, but will start a new life, a clean start with someone they love! so “digusted” everybody is entitled to his or her opinion, but you have never been in the situation, so don’t judge. in this world u have to be self-centered and selfish if u wanna get anywhere. YOUR happiness comes first!!! and whatever you can do to achieve a complete happiness – you have to do what it takes. Ladies – go ahead and push your guys. he needs to want the same thing as u, he needs u!! give him ultimatums, be strong – and then everything will fall in its place. Cheers ;)

  270. Miss Independent Says:

    I agree with you Katrina, guys who cheat on their wives have nil respect:the marriage has already ended emotionally. thank you for sharing. You have encouraged me tremendously.

  271. x o x o Says:

    hang onto your hopes you strong women. i think, if you can keep on giving these mm the benefit of the doubt, they will come round. so much, so so much PATIENCE is needed on our part in this kind of relationship and at times you feel like your life is slipping away but if you’ve found love, true love, it’s worth hanging onto. good sexual chemistry is a rare thing as well. i find my body talks to his. Our patience will be rewarded. this relationship needs plenty of time and you can’t really begin it properly until they have left their wives. we cannot feel they are ours until they have left that part of their lives behind BUT THIS TAKES TIME for them to cut off all the ties, if things are to be done without much havoc. we are theirs, that’s the frustrating part but we can not give of ourselves completely until they let go. good luck peoples, this requires much positivity and hanging onto your hopes and dreams.

  272. yourdumb Says:

    You are seriously deluded if you think a married man is not still sleeping with his wife. He lies to her and he lies to you. Period. Such ignorance.

  273. x o x o Says:

    1. Never forget the reality of the situation. He is married
    These are the things that keep me sane with my mm of 5years

    6. Don’t chase him, let him come to you.

    8. Don’t settle with this. If you need or want more from a relationship go out and get it.

    9. Don’t expect anything and you won’t be disappointed, but you may be pleasantly surprised.

    10. He isn’t committing to you, so don’t commit to him.

    13. Never bring up something about you and he in the distant future. Planning for next week is fine, but planning that Spring vacation is taboo.

    15. Be positive as much as possible.

    18. Make the time that you have special.

    i am satisfied for now.

  274. LostSoul Says:

    It has been three months I have been in a relationship with a married man. It is my first time.

    Our beginning was amazing, love at first sight, and meeting again coincidently. I thought it was fate. I agreed to meet him. He told me he was divorced for 2 years, and has a daughter.

    After the second month, when i spent a weekend with him at his place, I came across things that made me think he is with her. Just one dressing gown in his wardrobe. He told me it was there when he moved in, then said it was his sisters, and a recent picture of someone holding his daughter, at the same place he was at.

    He decided to tell me he was married but separated for 1 year.
    MORE LIES. I thought about it and decided to continue as i thought he is separated that long cos he has the intention of moving on. I was never comfortable inside – womens intuition should never be ignored!ever!

    He went to his country for 2 weeks. In that time, unlike the first time when he was there for me all the time by phone and msn, it was difficult getting him to call or text me. I was upset cos i thought he was neglectful and not cos he was married.

    He came back, saying his sister and daughter are here. I had a feeling it was his wife. I broke up with him telling him he is a liar and I cant continue if he is not honest.

    He told me he was with her for these holidays but he is married by name and does not love her. For a stupid reason I am with him. I have been with single guys and they have never treated me like this one. MM is treating me like a princess, and I suppose thats what I am hanging on for. I also love him. I think he’s an amazing guy. I think about the lies and should hate them, but i justify by saying he wanted to protect me.

    Now I am with him, knowing his wife lives away from him, I want to enjoy him and the great times we share. Im hopeful that if he is really unhappy in the marriage he will do what is right. But for now I am adjusting to this situation which is hurting, but i know without him will hurt more.

    I am hopeful I can win his heart, but maybe i am stupid too.
    I know I am doing it for revenge also. I want to accept what is happening to me and get strong and leave him when he so attached.

    I only need advise on how to justify to him why i have decided to be with him knowing he is married – i dont want him to think i have no morals (sounds funny i know).

  275. Ris~ Says:

    Things that happened to me,,,
    Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
    So here we go….. Things he said to me ..
    “You are my True Love”,
    “I never knew what love was before I met you”,
    “I am going to move to America, I am coming to you.”
    ” It is You and Me and nothing else matters”
    ” I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife)”
    “She (wife) ruined my life”
    “You are perfect for me”
    “You have everything”
    “This is true love, you are the love of my life”
    ” I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009 ”
    ….Blah…blah….blah…
    So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
    ..20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
    Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
    Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
    He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
    ..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
    He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
    In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
    So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
    Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy :-)
    We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
    You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you :-) Ris~

  276. Ris~ Says:

    Things that happened to me,,,
    Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
    So here we go….. Things he said to me ..
    “You are my True Love”,
    “I never knew what love was before I met you\”,
    “I am going to move to America, I am coming to you”
    ” It is You and Me and nothing else matters”
    ” I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife)”
    “She (wife) ruined my life”
    “You are perfect for me”
    “You have everythin\”
    “This is true love, you are the love of my life”
    ” I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009 ”
    ….Blah…blah….blah…
    So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
    ..20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
    Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters\’ college tuition along with room and board..
    Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
    He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of \” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
    ..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
    He knew i hated that word \”OUR\” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ\’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not \”OUR\”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
    In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, \” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, \” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?\” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, \” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
    So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, \” You had the chance but you chose not to\” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, \” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.\” Are you F\’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
    Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy :-)
    We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It\’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that\’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
    You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v \’s look like a w ) I;m here for you :-) Ris~

  277. Ris~ Says:

    Things that happened to me,,,
    Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
    So here we go….. Things he said to me ..
    “You are my True Love”,
    “I never knew what love was before I met you”,
    “I am going to move to America, I am coming to you.”
    ” It is You and Me and nothing else matters”
    ” I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife)”
    “She (wife) ruined my life”
    “You are perfect for me”
    “You have everything”
    “This is true love, you are the love of my life”
    ” I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009 ”
    ….Blah…blah….blah…
    So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
    ..20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
    Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
    Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
    He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
    ..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
    He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
    In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
    So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
    Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy :-)
    We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
    You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you :-) Ris~

  278. Ris~ Says:

    Things that happened to me,,,
    Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
    So here we go… Things he said to me ..
    You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
    Blah…blah….blah…
    So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
    20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
    Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
    Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
    He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
    ..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
    He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
    In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
    So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
    Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy :-)
    We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
    You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you :-) Ris~

  279. Ris~ Says:

    Things that happened to me,,,
    Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
    So here we go… Things he said to me ..
    You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
    Blah…blah….blah…
    So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
    20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
    Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters\\\’ college tuition along with room and board..
    Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
    He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of \\\” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
    ..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
    He knew i hated that word \\\”OUR\\\” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ\\\’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not \\\”OUR\\\”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
    In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, \\\” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, \\\” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?\\\” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, \\\” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
    So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, \\\” You had the chance but you chose not to\\\” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, \\\” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.\\\” Are you F\\\’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
    Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy :-)
    We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It\\\’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that\\\’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
    You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v.s look like a w ) I;m here for you :-) Ris~

  280. Wokenup Says:

    Things that happened to me,,,
    Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
    So here we go… Things he said to me ..
    You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
    Blah…blah….blah…
    So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
    20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
    Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters’ college tuition along with room and board..
    Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
    He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of ” Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
    ..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
    He knew i hated that word “OUR” it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ’s sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,, not “OUR”,. he knew how to push my buttons..
    In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, ” I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, ” Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now?” Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, ” I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
    So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied, ” You had the chance but you chose not to” (remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says, ” I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me.” Are you F’n serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
    Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy :-)
    We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( that’s what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
    You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan1@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v ’s look like a w ) I;m here for you :-) Ris~

  281. Wokenup Says:

    Things that happened to me,,,
    Met my MM when he was here for a conference from Belgium..Very Intense.. Very Passionate…In Love … Best sex ever etc.. etc..
    So here we go… Things he said to me ..
    You are my True Love. I never knew what love was before I met you. I am going to move to America, I am coming to you. It is You and Me and nothing else matters. I wish I never had my daughter with her (wife). She (wife) ruined my life.You are perfect for me. You have everything. This is true love, you are the love of my life. I am coming to you. I need time to plan.. give me until December 2009.
    Blah…blah….blah…
    So this went on for a year, (we met June 09, 2008..)
    20 emails a day..skyping (internet video) everyday… Instant messaging…etc..he came here every other month for about a week, and during the weeks he was here, I had to leave the hotel room every morning so he could skype back to his family, which was dinner time over there in Belgium. Wow, did I feel like 2nd, 3rd, 4th, and 5th place ( since he has also 2 step daughters finishing College.( wife had kids at the age of 17 with 1st husband) . biological daugther is 4 years old ) He asked his wife to have a kid with him so they are 16 years apart…
    Anyways, In January he asked for a divorce and the wife and step daughters freaked out.. wife does not work, so he is sole provider of the family… even paid for his step daughters college tuition along with room and board..
    Well, the divorce request did not go well. He said he wanted to move to America for a better career move… She said he would never see his daughter again if he moved to America and put the guilt trip on him of what kind of person he is to leave his family behind, how heartless he is. So of course he says he cant leave because of his daughter, which is understandable…
    He never told her or anyone else about me. Our arguments consisted of Keeping me in the closet..hiding me.. feeling guilty after being with me ( making me feel like I am a mistake, which is true ) He said he took his ring off, but then I saw it on skype video because he forgot to take it off before turning on the camera.So he takes the ring off again.. ON-OFF-ON-OFF
    ..Many times I sat on the outside on the sidelines looking in as he went on family vacations stating that it is only for his daughter and posting his destinations on Twitter…. It sucked knowing they were going out as a family unit.. And He still slept in their bed, no couch for him… Oh and get this..when we would argue as I fight for my feelings.. he would post on Twitter.. OUR little princess playing in the living in OUR house..
    He knew i hated that word OUR it said to me that they are a couple (which is sick.. because they are a couple..theyre married for Christ sake. ) and when we were on good terms, it was My daughter,,not OUR. he knew how to push my buttons..
    In May I bought Wicked tickets.. he canceled his trip..so i took a friend with me… For June he said that he wanted to take me to see Wicked for my birthday since he had missed it in May and June 09 was our 1 year anniversary So I bought the tickets again as he will reimburse me… Last minute he says, I dont think I will be in the right state of mind for Wicked (because of the conference) but would like to take me to dinner… So I said, Are you telling me that I bought my own birthday present to a show I already saw, but wanted to share it with you and you dont want to go now? Of course I said forget about dinner.. Mind you i spent a total of $400.00 cuz I also bought them in May… Then he says, I feel guilty after being with you because I am cheating, and that is not my life.. ( WTF mofo?? you cheated for a whole year with me, promising to leave his wife and be with me ) He says, I am afraid hanging out with you on this visit would be awkward because i have so much passion for you, we would end up in bed and in the heat of the moment i will promise you things and when the adrenaline is gone and i am thrown back in reality, i will realize i have done the wrong thing. I dont want to hurt you. i want to be more considerate of your feelings…. Anyways, i was so pissed to the point where i took some cheap shots at his wife, which of course is not fair because I dont know her..Well, he stuck up for her!!)) He supposedly hated her and how easy it would be if she was out of the picture.. now he defends her?? OMG!! I Went through an entire year of torture.. I feel like I lost time.. I am so sad for all the ladies who did this for 2-3-4-5 plus years..waiting and waiting.. I knew i couldnt do this another year… so when he came in June, he changed his mind and wants to see me. he emailed right away when he got to his hotel room ( he was here for WWDC ) I did not respond.. he emailed me 3 more times and i did not respond.. I knew I had to let him go.. It was the hardest week ever.. I cried alot..I knew when his plane left back to Belgium, and when that happened, I felt a sense of loss, an emptiness..boy did i cry… When he got back to belgium, he emailed me saying that he was sad I had not responded and that every time he got to his room, he looked at the hotel phone to see if there was a flashing red light indicating a missed call from me..
    So my actual birthday arrived.. and he says, Happy Birthday, I wish I could celebrate it with you. Muah!… I was shocked again.. I replied,You had the chance but you chose not to.(remember the Wicked tickets?) So he says,I tried to email you, but you chose not to answer me. Are you Fn serious?? You are putting the blame on me?? You devestate me, change all the wonderful plans i had for us, and I am the one to blame??
    Finally I said, Please go and enjoy your family. Be happy you didnt cheat. You can look at yourself in the mirror and be proud. I am moving on with my life. What we had/have is not working. Let;s go and enjoy our lives and be happy :-)
    We have not contacted each other since.. This happened about a week ago… It\’s really hard to break the habit of this addictive love ( thats what it is.. an addictive love verses a healthy love ) This addiction destroyed me. It made me feel like i was never good enough. And it made him feel like he was not good enough as well.. I was not good enough for him to leave his family and he was not good enough to fulfill me…I wanted more..Going back to the beginning of our relationship, it was the best relationship that turned into the Worst of my entire life. I really thought he was The One.. he was my NEO..heh-heh.. OMFG, how stupid i was.. I would have done anything for him..
    You know ladies, we are nurturing, caring, and we give 110% of ourselves and it is devestating to the core when we are treated as 2nd rate. I made the mistake of taking a chance at true love. I opened my heart and i felt like he took a firing squad to it… A million pieces I had to pick up.. It is funny how a person can come into our lives and change us. I can honestly say, I am changed for life and will never be the same. The only thing that is important to me now is that the change in me is for the better..Every day gets better and better, easier and easier.. A more wiser, stronger, and courageous person. It takes a courageous person to Risk heartache for True Love. All of you who have taken this Risk are stronger than you think. Now use that strength and courage to lift yourself up, reflect back on the relationship and see it for what it truely was/is.. The price to pay is too high.. For my couple of weeks of happiness came months of sadness and frustration. Dont get me wrong, I still have feelings for him, ( addiction ) but my feelings for me are more important. I wanted to fly with him, but he let me fall, and i fell hard.. I have to fly with or without someone by my side, and so do all of you… I feel for all the people who are going through heartach and pain. here is my email address MVvillan1@yahoo.com ( all lower case.. 2 v s look like a w ) I;m here for you :-) Ris~

  282. Ris Says:

    I AM SO SORRY IT POSTED SO MANY TIMES..IT SAID THERE WERE ERRORS SO I TRIED TO CORRECT THEM AND EACH TIME I TRIED TO POST I HAD THE SAME RESPONSE. SO I CORRECTED AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN…I EVEN WENT AS FAR AS CHANGING MY NAME.. I REALLY WANTED TO POST MY STORY… PLEASE FORGIVE ME AND THE MULTIPLE POSTS.. :-(

  283. Ris~ Says:

    My email address was a typo.. here is my email address..
    MVvillan1@yahoo.com
    I understand my grammar and punctuation in my post were terrible.. I work graveyard, it’s 3:30pm and have not slept yet.. I just felt compelled to get my story out there as fast as i could.

  284. bewildered? Says:

    if you knew your mm was sleeping with his wife as well as you, what would you do?

  285. unfortunate Says:

    I am not pleased with the change in format with this site and will no longer be using it as it is an invasion of peoples privacy when an email is required… The power of this site has been the confidentiality needed for such a relationship.

  286. Wendy Says:

    Dear Peter Pan,

    You’ve done so much for me. You’ve been right there when I needed someone to communicate with: to share with. You’ve been there to share my ups and downs. You’ve followed my every move. You know me inside and out. I’ve given you everything of my soul but having done this, I am grieved that you think you can just go into my email whenever you like. You know all about my finances and moves.

    I have at times got the impression that you are hanging around and doing so much for me because you think you will eventually get some of my money one day. I think this because you told me that you chose to stay in Neverland with Tinkerbell because YOU THOUGHT she had money coming to her and you thought you’d hang around in case you were paid for looking after her/sticking it out for her. “It’ll prove whether she puts me before her offspring” you said. Or whether you think she loves you enough to give you some of her inheritance. You’re hanging around her for what you can get!

    When I first met you, I admired your diligence, your energy, your passion, your spontaneity but now, I see none of this. You are just like my last bastard. You sleep or drown away your sorrows when the pressure hits instead of seeking resolve or thinking that you may be the problem.

    You also told me that you chose to stay with Tink in fear of it looking like you are a deserter. Well, sorry, but you are… You may appear as though you are staying out of love but it spells out loud and clear to others who are connected to you, especially Tink in some way that really, you are in it for some sort of gain.

    You can’t cope with pressure. You crumble when you are faced to deal with your lies.
    You eliminate your stresses instead of handling them.
    You avoid mistakes or suffering instead of learning from them.
    You are a lost boy who never grew up. You cling to others for your security. You ask me to be gentle with you when you’re under pressure when all I’m doing is speaking my mind. You’re protecting yourself from pressure because your fear of what “might” happen is stopping you from growing.

    HOW MANY PEOPLE GET PASSED THEIR FEARS AND MOVE ON? HOW MANY PEOPLE GET STUCK IN THEIR FEARS AND REMAIN THERE, ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN THAT PREVENTS THE AWESOME VIEW THEY COULD HAVE A SHARE IN?

    You give me plenty of little things: you get me credit for my phone when you know I’m out. You give me flowers when you think you’re loosing me which is sweet but fear moves you more than love. You take every opportunity to give to me. WHY? Surely it can’t be out of pure love? You say it is. It spells loudly to me that you do things to secure your future that you’ll have someone to LOOK AFTER YOU when you are old. You need someone to live off: to derive your energy from.

    You live through the fun of others without developing your own source of enjoyment and your own friends; you make my friends and family your own.

    I am angered by your weak indecisiveness. You leave it to me to cry out “I need time out”. You’ll never recognise when you do, but then you almost make it sound like you’ve said it for yourself. You rob me in so many ways. You’ve had three years to make a decision and you’ve hesitated. You make a million excuses to why you can’t leave yet and all the things you need done or finished in order to leave. The excuses you give go on for years. Why is it taking so long if you have a resolve to leave, you’d be quicker than that, surely? You lie to me and I find out months later when the story changes. Why can’t you tell me the truth at the time? It’s fear. Fear is the root of all your poor choices and now you need to live with those poor choices. Look where fear has gotten you? You tell me always to trust in the good but you don’t yourself.

    I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO TRUST THAT YOU WON’T DO THE SAME TO ME AS YOU’VE DONE TO YOUR LAST FAIRIES’… DUMP THEM FOR ANOTHER WHEN THEY CEASE TO GIVE YOU OF THEIR ENERGIES OR WHEN THEY REFUSE TO ALLOW YOU TO LIVE THROUGH THEM.

    I feel sick to the core at the thought of how he has his hands on everything in my life. He said to me once: I wish you didn’t have court and I’m sure it was because it was one area he could not take over and be my hero.

    At times I feel he’s using me to make his own relationship with Tink better. I think that I may be keeping him with her because he has a cushioning effect with me in the picture: he has an escape: a release point. It frustrates me that he does not know his own mind. I can’t understand if you’re not enjoying where you are or who you’re with, how can you stay there? You say she’s the abuser but I think it’s you who’s controlling her under the blanket of love.

    I always use to think his view of the world was so much bigger than mine but he just wants to trap all the people he knows and have them in a place where they’ll always be at his beck and call, ready for him to rescue them.

    At first I was impressed that he even bothered with my life and amazed at his facility with answers. He knew so much. How did he ever get to be such an expert in living?

    He says all the right words….it gave me so much hope but then I began to wonder, why is it that for all his apparent compassion I felt worse instead of better after he’d said his piece?

    He’s depending on me to teach him about himself. I feel like I’m carrying him at times. This can’t be. He’s weighing me down. I can’t go at the pace I want to. He makes me his only one but he has many when I disappear. I have not a life, he has. He wants a secret life. no commitment.

    You see me, you hear me, but you do not understand me as much as you try and convince me that you do. You have no idea of the pressures of direct family life in a dysfunctional situation.

    He likes to be where the stories are and once my life dies down, he’ll be off where the excitement is.

    He steals all my happy places and makes them his own. I do the hard work; he comes in and robs the friendship under my cover. Bastard.

    I am more and more, especially as I get my space and distance, feeling used for his purposes. He fits me into his short gaps during the day or weekend in between spending time with tink.

    He always finds something to keep us in contact to guarantee a next meeting. It’s all for his own good. It’s all for his own needs. He doesn’t really care for my welfare. He pretends he does because I provide his sexual needs. He loves me for his own needs. Love goes much further than a partner and sex.

    I feel I’ve gone as far as I can go (reaching my limits). Now it’s interfering with me big time. I do love him as a friend. I don’t think I’m in love with him. How can I even go there when he still has a life with tink? one that he rarely ever shares with me, one that I know nothing about. He knows everything about me. I wish I were a fly on his home walls. He could tell me anything and there’s no way of knowing whether he’s telling me the truth.

    I hate the way he does whatever I want him to. He doesn’t have a mind of his own. He is a chameleon. He becomes whatever his environment is. He is too predictable. I need more of a challenge.

    I hate the way he steals my family’s hearts. He sees it as his job to tell them that I’m ok, under the cover of friendship… This is my support and he’s right in there.

    Its all lies that he still remains with tink and expects to make love with me.

    I dream about him coming over and wanting me for his own. I dream about him pouring out his soul to me. I dream about the day when he crashes on me. What annoys me is that he’s always happy. Life’s shit for me but he’s always happy.

    i said i’d never wait on another man, not ever.

    I use to love him more: so much more when I believed that he was going to leave Neverland and come back with me. We were going to have such a special life together. Now it’s ruined. Now it’s simply a false hope. He’s never going to leave. He’s going to wait until he has to and that’s bullshit because it won’t be his own decision. He waits until he falls into it. He imitates not initiates.

    He’s not a winner as I use to see him as. Too much water has gone under the bridge. It’s too late. My love for him has died. I see him too much like my ex. Coming home and going to sleep. He can cook, he can clean up after himself and others, he can clean up the lawn, he has shown himself very capable but I think this is just a show. Once he has me where he wants me, destroyed my independence, he will go and find another beautiful needy girl to dig his roots in.

    I am in need of women who understand me and what I’ve really been through. I am continually going against my boundaries. How can I ever share this with anyone?

    I’m not ready to take on another’s emotions. I am here for my children. We can go wherever we want, at whatever time we want. I can leave the house in the biggest mess. I am answerable to no one. I don’t have to explain my moves or say where I’m going to no one. Adults should not need adults in the same way as children need adults.

    Can any of you women relate to this or am I simply mad?

  287. Sabroza Says:

    I find this site really interesting.

    I have a live in BF for almost 3 years now, i was really in loved with him until i cough him cheating on me. The night that I want to talk to him and sort things out he was asleep, i was really depressed. Its like he doesn’t care of what am going through. I went out to meet a friend and there I met a guy a married guy.He knows my situation with my BF. he asked for another night out and become 3 nights in a row party with friends the 3rd night I kissed him, he is married with two kids, he said he is in love with me. it was magic, I’m so in love with him until, I cant leave my BF yet until he leaves his wife. My BF is like my best friend and he feels that I’m drifting away from him, he is changing he is giving me the attention, love and loyalty. But I was deeply hurt and I cant bring back the feelings again, maybe because I have a secrete relation with the married man, it so foolish of me to think that he will really leave his wife and be with me firmly..I still do now, I gave him a time frame, 3 months from now until his work is sort out and his family move out of the country he said that is a perfect timing to tell his wife that he is not in love with her anymore. Now I feel really unfair with my BF but in the back of my head there’s an anger that he cheated on me I was loyal to him if I leave him he deserve it. But should I do, every time im with my BF its always that married gay in my mind. I love him and i think we are destiny to be together. But some time reading other people story I don’t see hope… I still love my BF but not as much I am in love with the married man.

  288. amber Says:

    IM SO TIGHT BUT RELIEVED THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY WOMAN THAT IS DEALING WITH A MAN WHO (I THINK) IS MARRIED. ( YES IM NOT SURE) BUT U TELL ME WHT U WOULD THINK IF U WAS DEALING WITH A GUY WHO HAS A “GIRLFRIEND” WHOM HE HAS TWO KIDS WITH AND LIVES WITH HER IN A HOUSE. ANYWAY IVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH THIS MAN FOR 5 YEARS NOW!!!!! AT FIRST I DID NOT LIKE HIM I THOUGHT HE WAS ANNOYING LOL. TO TELL U THE TRUTH I DIDNT START FEELING HIM UNTIL LAST MONTH. IVE BEEN PUTTING UP WITH HIM B/C HE IS SO MUCH FUN TO HANG OUT WITH AND I NEVER HAVE TO DISH OUT ANY MONEY. HE ALSO TELLS ME HE LOVES ME AND ONE TIME I TRIED TO CUT HIM OFF BUT HE SHOWED UP TO MY HOUSE WITH FLOWERS :(
    I AM SO OPEN AND THATS NOT A GOOD THING…….. IM JUST WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO HAS NO KIDS AND ISNT MARRIED OR GOTTA GURL TO STEP UP TO THE PLATE AND TAKE HIS DAMN PLACE CAUSE I DNT WANNA BE HIS FRIEND LOVER ANYMORE!!!!!!

  289. desperate me Says:

    This site gives me the strength to be real to my mm. he is in dreamland when it comes to me and i dont feel like i’m in this world at times. he brings out things in me that nobody ever has – not always healthy. we are women who are surviving in this world and need to be proud of ourselves for getting where we are in life. a mm is a real weight. we don’t need someone to keep us all to themselves and expect us to be there at their beck and call. i am dealing with big struggles in that area today and as i have nobody else to talk to about this, because of it’s condemned image in society, i am really thankful for this site where all you women share your experiences in this field. it’s so nice to know I’m not alone….

  290. young.and.foolish Says:

    the wifee is calling me.. idk what to do.. i’m underaged!!!

  291. me to young and foolish Says:

    God, how old/young are you? i have recieved three phone calls over 5years from the wifee… i played dumb and lied, like my relationship with the mm is a lie anyway so everything around that needs to be a lie too… it’s up to you what you do… it’s in your court if she is ringing you. you have the Power to keep or destroy… good luck

  292. Liz Darling Says:

    I\\\’ve been dating a \\\”mm\\\” for a couple months now. I\\\’ve been reading several articles on dating married men, most ones discouraging having the relationships at all.

    I never expected to fall in love with him, it started out as friendly discussions about music and our lives. But now both of us are completely in love, and I know that all rationality says I shouldn\\\’t be doing this but I am. He has told me anything I want to know about his personal life, including all the childhood trauma stories. I have told him over and over I don\\\’t want to hurt him or his family, and he doesn\\\’t either. He certainly doesn\\\’t plan on hurting his family for me, and I completely understand that.

    All that being said, he\\\’s the best boyfriend/love I\\\’ve ever had. He says he wants to raise my standards for when I do get an actual boyfriend; we both know that I will continue to be scoping the dating market and that we will have to stop seeing each other if I do begin a committed relationship. But it\\\’s so hard to imagine losing someone I\\\’m so deeply in love with…

  293. I am wondering. . . Says:

    do any of you women have children of your own? i have a family of young children and am a single parent. it’s difficult juggling the time when it’s all secretive and i get angry because i am not finding alot of time for myself. i’ve read lots of women’s clips on this site about their struggle with their mm having children of his own but not the women who these mm fall for (you ladies). does anyone know any other sites that provide help for us in this situation? yes, Liz Darling, most articles on dating mm discourage it. that has been my experience. we need support, not knock backs. most of us did not choose to be in this space.

  294. !!!!!!desperate for him to leave!!!!!! Says:

    Wow. Let me first say that this site has really helped me. I had no idea there werre this many women out there that were feeling the EXACT same way that i am. OK…so this is my story: I am 19. yes, i know, way too young to be falling for a married man..well we met on a chat site and the first thing i noticed was thaat he was 10 years older than me. So that was a big no no right there..then he came straight out and told me that he was married and just “looking for friends”. so, stupidly, i began talking to him.

    8 months later, i’m STILL here!! i fell for him one month into the whole “friend” thing and the L word just started flying. His wife checked the phone bill, found my number, and started “phone stalking” me. “B!%$h, i’m gonna kill you.” “you better be lucky i don’t know where you live!” Well that would make you run, right?? well it didn’t make me! scared me a little, but not to the point of leaving him.

    So i went to see him at his house one night when she had taken their 7 year old son to karate. First time we kissed. I swear, i saw angels! It’s like sparks flew! I had never felt anything like it before. All we did that night was sit and talk and watch tv but we got caught up in the fun and she came home before i could leave..! She didn’t see me tho, because I hid behind a chair till she went back in THEIR bedroom, i snuck out. Leaving my coat, phone, and car keys. I was too scared to run to the sofa to get them!! So i was standing outside for an hour in 40 degree weather listening at the window to her screaming at him, trying to figure out who i was. She finally saw me. That was the only way i could get my stuff back is if she saw what i looked like. She threatened me of course. But didn’t hurt me. (He wouldn’t let her come near me.) But that STILL didn’t keep me away.

    A month later, we had sex for the first time and i knew i had found The One. But he kept forgetting to delete his calls and texts messages that she found out about me about 3 more times. (They have been married 8 years, together for 9 and she told him she has counted being cheated on by him 9 times…that’s just the ones she caught him with..)

    So it got so serious that he can’t even call me anymore and we can’t text because he’s scared she’ll see it on the phone bill. So the only way we can talk is if i call him blocked. He told me from the beginning that he didn’t love her anymore and is planning on getting a divorce but just doesn’t know when because of his son. His son is such a daddy’s boy and they are very close. He is a great father. I keep telling myself that i’ve waited this long, i can wait a little longer. But then i keep thinking that he’ll do the same thing to me. He said “after this marriage i just wanna settle down. I’m tired of messing around with a lot of different girls.” I want to believe him and i want to be able to wait for him but i’m tired of being lonely. I sleep with his shirt every night while he sleeps in the same bed with her. It’s just so hard! I want to tell him he has 6 months to move out or i’m gone, but i know he’d just say something like “well if that’s how you feel, because my son is more important..” When is he going to leave???!?!?!?!? I’m so tired of crying over him and being depressed about this situation!! We used to be so happy in the beginning, but now it seems like i’m always bringing it up about “when is it gonna be just me and you?” and he HATES when i bring it up!! Somebody help me! Please!!??

    I wish all the time i would’ve never met him! And i tell him that too! Why did i do this to myself? And why am i letting it continue?? Ugh!! Life is so hard!!

  295. !!!!!!desperate for him to leave!!!!!! Says:

    Wow. Let me first say that this site has really helped me. I had no idea there werre this many women out there that were feeling the EXACT same way that i am. OK…so this is my story: I am 19. yes, i know, way too young to be falling for a married man..well we met on a chat site and the first thing i noticed was thaat he was 10 years older than me. So that was a big no no right there..then he came straight out and told me that he was married and just \”looking for friends\”. so, stupidly, i began talking to him.

    8 months later, i\’m STILL here!! i fell for him one month into the whole \”friend\” thing and the L word just started flying. His wife checked the phone bill, found my number, and started \”phone stalking\” me. \”B!%$h, i\’m gonna kill you.\” \”you better be lucky i don\’t know where you live!\” Well that would make you run, right?? well it didn\’t make me! scared me a little, but not to the point of leaving him.

    So i went to see him at his house one night when she had taken their 7 year old son to karate. First time we kissed. I swear, i saw angels! It\’s like sparks flew! I had never felt anything like it before. All we did that night was sit and talk and watch tv but we got caught up in the fun and she came home before i could leave..! She didn\’t see me tho, because I hid behind a chair till she went back in THEIR bedroom, i snuck out. Leaving my coat, phone, and car keys. I was too scared to run to the sofa to get them!! So i was standing outside for an hour in 40 degree weather listening at the window to her screaming at him, trying to figure out who i was. She finally saw me. That was the only way i could get my stuff back is if she saw what i looked like. She threatened me of course. But didn\’t hurt me. (He wouldn\’t let her come near me.) But that STILL didn\’t keep me away.

    A month later, we had sex for the first time and i knew i had found The One. But he kept forgetting to delete his calls and texts messages that she found out about me about 3 more times. (They have been married 8 years, together for 9 and she told him she has counted being cheated on by him 9 times…that\’s just the ones she caught him with..)

    So it got so serious that he can\’t even call me anymore and we can\’t text because he\’s scared she\’ll see it on the phone bill. So the only way we can talk is if i call him blocked. He told me from the beginning that he didn\’t love her anymore and is planning on getting a divorce but just doesn\’t know when because of his son. His son is such a daddy\’s boy and they are very close. He is a great father. I keep telling myself that i\’ve waited this long, i can wait a little longer. But then i keep thinking that he\’ll do the same thing to me. He said \”after this marriage i just wanna settle down. I\’m tired of messing around with a lot of different girls.\” I want to believe him and i want to be able to wait for him but i\’m tired of being lonely. I sleep with his shirt every night while he sleeps in the same bed with her. It\’s just so hard! I want to tell him he has 6 months to move out or i\’m gone, but i know he\’d just say something like \”well if that\’s how you feel, because my son is more important..\” When is he going to leave???!?!?!?!? I\’m so tired of crying over him and being depressed about this situation!! We used to be so happy in the beginning, but now it seems like i\’m always bringing it up about \”when is it gonna be just me and you?\” and he HATES when i bring it up!! Somebody help me! Please!!??

    I wish all the time i would\’ve never met him! And i tell him that too! Why did i do this to myself? And why am i letting it continue?? Ugh!! Life is so hard!!

  296. desperate for him to leave Says:

    Wow. Let me first say that this site has really helped me. I had no idea there werre this many women out there that were feeling the EXACT same way that i am. OK…so this is my story: I am 19. yes, i know, way too young to be falling for a married man..well we met on a chat site and the first thing i noticed was thaat he was 10 years older than me. So that was a big no no right there..then he came straight out and told me that he was married and just \\\”looking for friends\\\”. so, stupidly, i began talking to him.

    8 months later, i\\\’m STILL here!! i fell for him one month into the whole \\\”friend\\\” thing and the L word just started flying. His wife checked the phone bill, found my number, and started \\\”phone stalking\\\” me. \\\”B!%$h, i\\\’m gonna kill you.\\\” \\\”you better be lucky i don\\\’t know where you live!\\\” Well that would make you run, right?? well it didn\\\’t make me! scared me a little, but not to the point of leaving him.

    So i went to see him at his house one night when she had taken their 7 year old son to karate. First time we kissed. I swear, i saw angels! It\\\’s like sparks flew! I had never felt anything like it before. All we did that night was sit and talk and watch tv but we got caught up in the fun and she came home before i could leave..! She didn\\\’t see me tho, because I hid behind a chair till she went back in THEIR bedroom, i snuck out. Leaving my coat, phone, and car keys. I was too scared to run to the sofa to get them!! So i was standing outside for an hour in 40 degree weather listening at the window to her screaming at him, trying to figure out who i was. She finally saw me. That was the only way i could get my stuff back is if she saw what i looked like. She threatened me of course. But didn\\\’t hurt me. (He wouldn\\\’t let her come near me.) But that STILL didn\\\’t keep me away.

    A month later, we had sex for the first time and i knew i had found The One. But he kept forgetting to delete his calls and texts messages that she found out about me about 3 more times. (They have been married 8 years, together for 9 and she told him she has counted being cheated on by him 9 times…that\\\’s just the ones she caught him with..)

    So it got so serious that he can\\\’t even call me anymore and we can\\\’t text because he\\\’s scared she\\\’ll see it on the phone bill. So the only way we can talk is if i call him blocked. He told me from the beginning that he didn\\\’t love her anymore and is planning on getting a divorce but just doesn\\\’t know when because of his son. His son is such a daddy\\\’s boy and they are very close. He is a great father. I keep telling myself that i\\\’ve waited this long, i can wait a little longer. But then i keep thinking that he\\\’ll do the same thing to me. He said \\\”after this marriage i just wanna settle down. I\\\’m tired of messing around with a lot of different girls.\\\” I want to believe him and i want to be able to wait for him but i\\\’m tired of being lonely. I sleep with his shirt every night while he sleeps in the same bed with her. It\\\’s just so hard! I want to tell him he has 6 months to move out or i\\\’m gone, but i know he\\\’d just say something like \\\”well if that\\\’s how you feel, because my son is more important..\\\” When is he going to leave???!?!?!?!? I\\\’m so tired of crying over him and being depressed about this situation!! We used to be so happy in the beginning, but now it seems like i\\\’m always bringing it up about \\\”when is it gonna be just me and you?\\\” and he HATES when i bring it up!! Somebody help me! Please!!??

    I wish all the time i would\\\’ve never met him! And i tell him that too! Why did i do this to myself? And why am i letting it continue?? Ugh!! Life is so hard!!

  297. desperate for him to leave Says:

    Wow. Let me first say that this site has really helped me. I had no idea there were this many women out there that were feeling the EXACT same way that i am. OK…so this is my story: I am 19. yes, i know, way too young to be falling for a married man..well we met on a chat site and the first thing i noticed was that he was 10 years older than me. So that was a big no no right there..then he came straight out and told me that he was married and just “looking for friends”. so, stupidly, i began talking to him.

    8 months later, i’m STILL here!! i fell for him one month into the whole “friend” thing and the L word just started flying. His wife checked the phone bill, found my number, and started “phone stalking” me.”B!%$h, i’m gonna kill you.” “you better be lucky i don’t know where you live!” Well that would make you run, right?? well it didn’t make me! scared me a little, but not to the point of leaving him.

    So i went to see him at his house for the first time one night when she had taken their 7 year old son to karate. First time we kissed. I swear, i saw angels! It’s like sparks flew! I had never felt anything like it before. All we did that night was sit and talk and watch tv but we got caught up in the fun and she came home before i could leave..! She didn’t see me tho, because I hid behind a chair till she went back in THEIR bedroom, and then i snuck out. Leaving my coat, phone, and car keys!! I was too scared to run to the sofa to get them!! So i was standing outside for an hour in 40 degree weather listening at the window to her screaming at him, trying to figure out who i was. She finally saw me. That was the only way i could get my stuff back is if she saw what i looked like. She threatened me of course. But didn’t hurt me. (He wouldn’t let her come near me.) Oh, and did i mention that she cut up my $110 coat???! But that STILL didn’t keep me away.

    A month later, we had sex for the first time and i knew i had found The One. But he kept forgetting to delete his calls and text messages and she found out about me about 3 more times cuz she kept snoopping thru his phone. (They have been married 8 years, together for 9 and she told him she has counted being cheated on by him 9 times…that’s just the ones she caught him with..)

    So it got so serious that he can’t even call me anymore and we can’t text anymore because he’s scared she’ll see it on the phone bill. So the only way we can talk is if i call him blocked. He told me from the beginning that he didn’t love her anymore and is planning on getting a divorce but just doesn’t know when because of his son. His son is such a daddy’s boy and they are very close. He is a great father. He moved out once before i knew him but ended up moving back in because he missed his son. I keep telling myself that i’ve waited this long, i can wait a little longer. But then i keep thinking that he’ll do the same thing to me. He said “after this marriage i just wanna settle down. I’m tired of messing around with a lot of different girls.” I want to believe him and i want to be able to wait for him but i’m tired of being lonely. I sleep with his shirt every night while he sleeps in the same bed with her. It’s just so hard! I want to tell him he has 6 months to move out or i’m gone, but i know he’d just say something like “well if that’s how you feel, because my son is more important..” When is he going to leave???!?!?!?!? I’m so tired of crying over him and being depressed about this situation!! We used to be so happy in the beginning, but now it seems like i’m always bringing it up about “when is it gonna be just me and you?” and he HATES when i bring it up!! Somebody help me! Please!!??

    I wish all the time i would’ve never met him! And i tell him that too! Why did i do this to myself? And why am i letting it continue?? Ugh!! Life is so hard!!

  298. living a lie Says:

    Wow. Let me first say that this site has really helped me. I had no idea there were this many women out there that were feeling the EXACT same way that i am. OK…so this is my story: I am 19. yes, i know, way too young to be falling for a married man..well we met on a chat site and the first thing i noticed was that he was 10 years older than me. So that was a big no no right there..then he came straight out and told me that he was married and just \”looking for friends\”. so, stupidly, i began talking to him.

    8 months later, i\’m STILL here!! i fell for him one month into the whole \”friend\” thing and the L word just started flying. His wife checked the phone bill, found my number, and started \”phone stalking\” me.\”B!%$h, i\’m gonna kill you.\” \”you better be lucky i don\’t know where you live!\” Well that would make you run, right?? well it didn\’t make me! scared me a little, but not to the point of leaving him.

    So i went to see him at his house for the first time one night when she had taken their 7 year old son to karate. First time we kissed. I swear, i saw angels! It\’s like sparks flew! I had never felt anything like it before. All we did that night was sit and talk and watch tv but we got caught up in the fun and she came home before i could leave..! She didn\’t see me tho, because I hid behind a chair till she went back in THEIR bedroom, and then i snuck out. Leaving my coat, phone, and car keys!! I was too scared to run to the sofa to get them!! So i was standing outside for an hour in 40 degree weather listening at the window to her screaming at him, trying to figure out who i was. She finally saw me. That was the only way i could get my stuff back is if she saw what i looked like. She threatened me of course. But didn\’t hurt me. (He wouldn\’t let her come near me.) Oh, and did i mention that she cut up my $110 coat???! But that STILL didn\’t keep me away.

    A month later, we had sex for the first time and i knew i had found The One. But he kept forgetting to delete his calls and text messages and she found out about me about 3 more times cuz she kept snoopping thru his phone. (They have been married 8 years, together for 9 and she told him she has counted being cheated on by him 9 times…that\’s just the ones she caught him with..)

    So it got so serious that he can\’t even call me anymore and we can\’t text anymore because he\’s scared she\’ll see it on the phone bill. So the only way we can talk is if i call him blocked. He told me from the beginning that he didn\’t love her anymore and is planning on getting a divorce but just doesn\’t know when because of his son. His son is such a daddy\’s boy and they are very close. He is a great father. He moved out once before i knew him but ended up moving back in because he missed his son. I keep telling myself that i\’ve waited this long, i can wait a little longer. But then i keep thinking that he\’ll do the same thing to me. He said \”after this marriage i just wanna settle down. I\’m tired of messing around with a lot of different girls.\” I want to believe him and i want to be able to wait for him but i\’m tired of being lonely. I sleep with his shirt every night while he sleeps in the same bed with her. It\’s just so hard! I want to tell him he has 6 months to move out or i\’m gone, but i know he\’d just say something like \”well if that\’s how you feel, because my son is more important..\” When is he going to leave???!?!?!?!? I\’m so tired of crying over him and being depressed about this situation!! We used to be so happy in the beginning, but now it seems like i\’m always bringing it up about \”when is it gonna be just me and you?\” and he HATES when i bring it up!! Somebody help me! Please!!??

    I wish all the time i would\’ve never met him! And i tell him that too! Why did i do this to myself? And why am i letting it continue?? Ugh!! Life is so hard!!!

  299. living a lie Says:

    Wow. Let me first say that this site has really helped me. I had no idea there were this many women out there that were feeling the EXACT same way that i am. OK…so this is my story: I am 19. yes, i know, way too young to be falling for a married man..well we met on a chat site and the first thing i noticed was that he was 10 years older than me. So that was a big no no right there..then he came straight out and told me that he was married and just “looking for friends”. so, stupidly, i began talking to him.

    8 months later, i’m STILL here!! i fell for him one month into the whole “friend” thing and the L word just started flying. His wife checked the phone bill, found my number, and started “phone stalking” me.”B!%$h, i’m gonna kill you.” “you better be lucky i don’t know where you live!” Well that would make you run, right?? well it didn’t make me! scared me a little, but not to the point of leaving him.

    So i went to see him at his house for the first time one night when she had taken their 7 year old son to karate. First time we kissed. I swear, i saw angels! It’s like sparks flew! I had never felt anything like it before. All we did that night was sit and talk and watch tv but we got caught up in the fun and she came home before i could leave..! She didn’t see me tho, because I hid behind a chair till she went back in THEIR bedroom, and then i snuck out. Leaving my coat, phone, and car keys!! I was too scared to run to the sofa to get them!! So i was standing outside for an hour in 40 degree weather listening at the window to her screaming at him, trying to figure out who i was. She finally saw me. That was the only way i could get my stuff back is if she saw what i looked like. She threatened me of course. But didn’t hurt me. (He wouldn’t let her come near me.) Oh, and did i mention that she cut up my $110 coat???! But that STILL didn’t keep me away.

    A month later, we had sex for the first time and i knew i had found The One. But he kept forgetting to delete his calls and text messages and she found out about me about 3 more times cuz she kept snoopping thru his phone. (They have been married 8 years, together for 9 and she told him she has counted being cheated on by him 9 times…that’s just the ones she caught him with..)

    So it got so serious that he can’t even call me anymore and we can’t text anymore because he’s scared she’ll see it on the phone bill. So the only way we can talk is if i call him blocked. He told me from the beginning that he didn’t love her anymore and is planning on getting a divorce but just doesn’t know when because of his son. His son is such a daddy’s boy and they are very close. He is a great father. He moved out once before i knew him but ended up moving back in because he missed his son. I keep telling myself that i’ve waited this long, i can wait a little longer. But then i keep thinking that he’ll do the same thing to me. He said “after this marriage i just wanna settle down. I’m tired of messing around with a lot of different girls.” I want to believe him and i want to be able to wait for him but i’m tired of being lonely. I sleep with his shirt every night while he sleeps in the same bed with her. It’s just so hard! I want to tell him he has 6 months to move out or i’m gone, but i know he’d just say something like “well if that’s how you feel, because my son is more important..” When is he going to leave???!?!?!?!? I’m so tired of crying over him and being depressed about this situation!! We used to be so happy in the beginning, but now it seems like i’m always bringing it up about “when is it gonna be just me and you?” and he HATES when i bring it up!! Somebody help me! Please!!??

    I wish all the time i would’ve never met him! And i tell him that too! Why did i do this to myself? And why am i letting it continue?? Ugh!! Life is so hard!!!

  300. Not the smartest Says:

    I’m going to try to summarize it as much as possible.

    He was married, seperated, living outside his home.
    He fell in love with a girl from El Salvador for 2 years, I helped him through it as a best friend. Somehow I fell in “love” with him helplessly.. there was just such charm about him. I am usually a very practical being, someone very logical until I met him. he was not what I was looking for in a man, he was everything but. He was a player, a heartbreaker, and a cheater.

    I tried leaving him a couple times as my conscience kicked in, I told him I wanted to save what’s left of our friendship after we slept together and I know he doesn’t love me, he still was in love with his el salvadorian girlfriend. I didn’t expect much but he came right back, saying that he “fell in love” with me and hope that it is not too late.

    After that, I tried several times again to break it off, he wasn’t paying much attention to me. I was a wreck! But since we work together, I had to put up a strong front and acted like I moved on. He told a very good friend of ours that he misses me and he wants to be back with me and work through our problems. I asked him to go back to his wife because I know she loves him very much and had waited for him for the past years. However he said he no longer has any feelings for her and wants to be with me wholeheartedly due to the fact that I understands the time he needs to be with his wife.

    But when I did take him back, he went back to his “comfort zone”, no calls, no text, don’t see him much outside of work. One thursday I called him when he was suppose to come by and he told me he couldn’t.. then I realized I couldn’t do it anymore since it was all talk, no walk. he would never tell me his problems anymore, he never confided in me anymore.

    On the next day, friday, he called me in the morning saying he needed to talk to me, and I made him say it over the phone.. He wanted a breakup, he said he need time to clear his head and he had a bad night the night before. And that he no longer want to drag me in for the ride. I had no idea what he was talking about until my good friend told me about what happened.

    His wife decided to leave him.

    He was distraught and confused, still wouldn’t tell me what happened. Last night I spoke to him and he told me, he had screwed up big time, his wife no longer wants to be with him and he realize he really loves this woman. I know now that I am strong girl but wow. What? He had so many chances to be back with her and now he is back in love with her? Just when she is sick of it and is ready for a new chapter of her life?

    I told him good luck, wished him the best and decided for myself to just retreat to heal. Afterall I loved him that much to let him be happy with someone I know that will take great care of him. Now his wife really doesn’t want to be with him and he called this morning making claims of thinking about killing himself. I forgot, he has two kids with her. I told him to think about the kids and it is not the end of the world. He calmed down, I hung up, and texted him saying I need him to understand that I want to be by his side but I just can’t watch him cry over another woman anymore and I want to move on while I still can.

    I am very much in love with him, I want the best for him. But what am I to do? He left me heartbroken, now digging in to destroy the last bit of my soul. He wasn’t crying for me. He is crying for his wife. Does he really love her? What am I suppose to do? Wait?

    I have never felt so minimal and small in anyone’s eyes. I don’t know what to think.

    Someone wise, please help? Email me?

  301. Not the smartest Says:

    I\’m going to try to summarize it as much as possible.

    He was married, seperated, living outside his home.
    He fell in love with a girl from El Salvador for 2 years, I helped him through it as a best friend. Somehow I fell in \”love\” with him helplessly.. there was just such charm about him. I am usually a very practical being, someone very logical until I met him. he was not what I was looking for in a man, he was everything but. He was a player, a heartbreaker, and a cheater.

    I tried leaving him a couple times as my conscience kicked in, I told him I wanted to save what\’s left of our friendship after we slept together and I know he doesn\’t love me, he still was in love with his el salvadorian girlfriend. I didn\’t expect much but he came right back, saying that he \”fell in love\” with me and hope that it is not too late.

    After that, I tried several times again to break it off, he wasn\’t paying much attention to me. I was a wreck! But since we work together, I had to put up a strong front and acted like I moved on. He told a very good friend of ours that he misses me and he wants to be back with me and work through our problems. I asked him to go back to his wife because I know she loves him very much and had waited for him for the past years. However he said he no longer has any feelings for her and wants to be with me wholeheartedly due to the fact that I understands the time he needs to be with his wife.

    But when I did take him back, he went back to his \”comfort zone\”, no calls, no text, don\’t see him much outside of work. One thursday I called him when he was suppose to come by and he told me he couldn\’t.. then I realized I couldn\’t do it anymore since it was all talk, no walk. he would never tell me his problems anymore, he never confided in me anymore.

    On the next day, friday, he called me in the morning saying he needed to talk to me, and I made him say it over the phone.. He wanted a breakup, he said he need time to clear his head and he had a bad night the night before. And that he no longer want to drag me in for the ride. I had no idea what he was talking about until my good friend told me about what happened.

    His wife decided to leave him.

    He was distraught and confused, still wouldn\’t tell me what happened. Last night I spoke to him and he told me, he had screwed up big time, his wife no longer wants to be with him and he realize he really loves this woman. I know now that I am strong girl but wow. What? He had so many chances to be back with her and now he is back in love with her? Just when she is sick of it and is ready for a new chapter of her life?

    I told him good luck, wished him the best and decided for myself to just retreat to heal. Afterall I loved him that much to let him be happy with someone I know that will take great care of him. Now his wife really doesn\’t want to be with him and he called this morning making claims of thinking about killing himself. I forgot, he has two kids with her. I told him to think about the kids and it is not the end of the world. He calmed down, I hung up, and texted him saying I need him to understand that I want to be by his side but I just can\’t watch him cry over another woman anymore and I want to move on while I still can.

    I am very much in love with him, I want the best for him. But what am I to do? He left me heartbroken, now digging in to destroy the last bit of my soul. He wasn\’t crying for me. He is crying for his wife. Does he really love her? What am I suppose to do? Wait?

    I have never felt so minimal and small in anyone\’s eyes. I don\’t know what to think.

    Someone wise, please help? Email me?

  302. notsmart Says:

    I\\\’m going to try to summarize it as much as possible.

    He was married, seperated, living outside his home.
    He fell in love with a girl from El Salvador for 2 years, I helped him through it as a best friend. Somehow I fell in \\\”love\\\” with him helplessly.. there was just such charm about him. I am usually a very practical being, someone very logical until I met him. he was not what I was looking for in a man, he was everything but. He was a player, a heartbreaker, and a cheater.

    I tried leaving him a couple times as my conscience kicked in, I told him I wanted to save what\\\’s left of our friendship after we slept together and I know he doesn\\\’t love me, he still was in love with his el salvadorian girlfriend. I didn\\\’t expect much but he came right back, saying that he \\\”fell in love\\\” with me and hope that it is not too late.

    After that, I tried several times again to break it off, he wasn\\\’t paying much attention to me. I was a wreck! But since we work together, I had to put up a strong front and acted like I moved on. He told a very good friend of ours that he misses me and he wants to be back with me and work through our problems. I asked him to go back to his wife because I know she loves him very much and had waited for him for the past years. However he said he no longer has any feelings for her and wants to be with me wholeheartedly due to the fact that I understands the time he needs to be with his wife.

    But when I did take him back, he went back to his \\\”comfort zone\\\”, no calls, no text, don\\\’t see him much outside of work. One thursday I called him when he was suppose to come by and he told me he couldn\\\’t.. then I realized I couldn\\\’t do it anymore since it was all talk, no walk. he would never tell me his problems anymore, he never confided in me anymore.

    On the next day, friday, he called me in the morning saying he needed to talk to me, and I made him say it over the phone.. He wanted a breakup, he said he need time to clear his head and he had a bad night the night before. And that he no longer want to drag me in for the ride. I had no idea what he was talking about until my good friend told me about what happened.

    His wife decided to leave him.

    He was distraught and confused, still wouldn\\\’t tell me what happened. Last night I spoke to him and he told me, he had screwed up big time, his wife no longer wants to be with him and he realize he really loves this woman. I know now that I am strong girl but wow. What? He had so many chances to be back with her and now he is back in love with her? Just when she is sick of it and is ready for a new chapter of her life?

    I told him good luck, wished him the best and decided for myself to just retreat to heal. Afterall I loved him that much to let him be happy with someone I know that will take great care of him. Now his wife really doesn\\\’t want to be with him and he called this morning making claims of thinking about killing himself. I forgot, he has two kids with her. I told him to think about the kids and it is not the end of the world. He calmed down, I hung up, and texted him saying I need him to understand that I want to be by his side but I just can\\\’t watch him cry over another woman anymore and I want to move on while I still can.

    I am very much in love with him, I want the best for him. But what am I to do? He left me heartbroken, now digging in to destroy the last bit of my soul. He wasn\\\’t crying for me. He is crying for his wife. Does he really love her? What am I suppose to do? Wait?

    I have never felt so minimal and small in anyone\\\’s eyes. I don\\\’t know what to think.

    Someone wise, please help? Email me?

  303. compassionate Says:

    i am thinking that you are a strong woman: you are smart. you know when to retreat and give to yourself. keep doing that. you made him say it over the phone (good on you) you have your head screwed on. Sounds like his fear of loss is greater than his love because he loves the independence of a woman ,steals it from them, leaving them heartbroken and then finds them too needy and moves on to the next.. So Sad.
    I understand you saying you are very much in love with him… Our stories (above) are just a touch of what’s really going on. no one can really advise us. we are in this situation because we have lessons to learn and strengths to discover about ourselves. focus on day to day things… keep yourself strong but it sounds like he is drawing from your “strong front” and doesn’t realise you are in love with him. you will know what to do when the time is right. just don’t do anything too soon. wait until you are ready.good luck. i believe in you. you’re doing your best.

  304. peaches25 Says:

    I have recently been with a married man. It has gone on a while, me & him have always been
    friends and i recently became friends with the wife.Even moved in with them.

    Even though me & him were seein each other
    i never wanted him to ever leave her for me. Mainly because i loved the kids to death, i would do the normal and all i looked at it was a lil fun nothing serious.

    and i never asked him to go out of his way for me at all. But he did, they ended up splitting up but still communicated because of the kids. She recently found out about us, caused a big scene. He told her he loved me and she kept the kids away from him. So he has to go out of his way to see them
    and that is giving me up everytime. Which i completely understand and i told him that i will always stand beside him through anything he wants to do.

    But downfall is im scared he’d go back to her after everything we have been through. He tells me he has no intension to going back and i know that in their marriage they had millions of problems. She griped 24/7 nothing he done was good enough for her. And he became a compulsive liar towards her, in order to work it out for the kids.

    But with me, i know every thing about him and all the lies he had to tell her.I have his trust and i know WAAAY more about him than she will ever know. and i know he hasnt lied to me about anything(that i kno of). I am his bestfriend and he knows that he can always talk to me about anything whether it hurts or not.

    he ended up “fallen” for me because he said that we’re alot alike (which we are), he can trust me, i’m better to him more than she ever has, i understand him more than anyone, anythin he does-im always right there beside him. I prove that i care and many more..

    I wont say i didnt try to keep my distance because i did, mainly because he is still married to her and i didnt want to get hurt and i cared about those kids.But he kept provin and provin he wanted me. Like i said before he went out of his way for me, millions of times.. He has tried to push a divorce towards her alot but she won’t give it, just yet. And he doesn’t have the money to get it.

    And me & him both know she doesnt treat the kids right. She keeps them away from him,and he is wanting to be a settled down father but she’s not wanting the kids to have anything to do with him, because he’s wanting to be with me. So she drops them off with family and goes out and parties. The kids have said they didn’t want to be with their mom, that they wanted to be with dad. ANd the kids even say that they never get to see her.

    Well, i know he has been stressing out about all of this mainly because he’s so confused on what to do. He’s afraid to start something up with me because he doesnt want to get hurt again, she treated him like dirt and needless to say even tho two wrongs don’t make a right, she cheated on him and left him a long time ago,too..

    i know he is facing alot to lose & give up for me, but im doing the same..& this is While the marriage is still on..until the divorce comes about.. We decided to go on hold for a bit until he gets this settled out in his mind,

    i do understand the pressure he is going through but i just want to know if i’m going to be wasting my time. Because as the picture turns out, he is completely done with her and he
    does and truly wants me.

    But i’m just as confused myself and i guess this “hold” will prove alot where me and him both stand. Even tho he has proved enough to me that he loves and wants
    me. i do understand now that this is for the kids sake.

    I just do hope that when he does figure everything out that it is the right decision. and im all about seeing him happy. I just want her to see that it is over and it’s not me that’s got him to move on and that it is him. because it has always been him saying he is done with her and that it has been over for a long time.

    Anyways, that’s my story. i don’t know what to do. i think the only thing to do is except whatever decision he makes and go on with it. whether it’s moving on for now or getting
    back with him. i wish everyone could know MORE of the story to show how confused i really am on this. Because all honesty and no bull, this really was all of her fault.

  305. peaches25 Says:

    I have recently been with a married man. It has gone on a while, me & him have always been
    friends and i recently became friends with the wife.Even moved in with them.

    Even though me & him were seein each other
    i never wanted him to ever leave her for me. Mainly because i loved the kids to death, i would do the normal and all i looked at it was a lil fun nothing serious.

    and i never asked him to go out of his way for me at all. But he did, they ended up splitting up but still communicated because of the kids. She recently found out about us, caused a big scene. He told her he loved me and she kept the kids away from him. So he has to go out of his way to see them
    and that is giving me up everytime. Which i completely understand and i told him that i will always stand beside him through anything he wants to do.

    But downfall is im scared he\’d go back to her after everything we have been through. He tells me he has no intension to going back and i know that in their marriage they had millions of problems. She griped 24/7 nothing he done was good enough for her. And he became a compulsive liar towards her, in order to work it out for the kids.

    But with me, i know every thing about him and all the lies he had to tell her.I have his trust and i know WAAAY more about him than she will ever know. and i know he hasnt lied to me about anything(that i kno of). I am his bestfriend and he knows that he can always talk to me about anything whether it hurts or not.

    he ended up \”fallen\” for me because he said that we\’re alot alike (which we are), he can trust me, i\’m better to him more than she ever has, i understand him more than anyone, anythin he does-im always right there beside him. I prove that i care and many more..

    I wont say i didnt try to keep my distance because i did, mainly because he is still married to her and i didnt want to get hurt and i cared about those kids.But he kept provin and provin he wanted me. Like i said before he went out of his way for me, millions of times.. He has tried to push a divorce towards her alot but she won\’t give it, just yet. And he doesn\’t have the money to get it.

    And me & him both know she doesnt treat the kids right. She keeps them away from him,and he is wanting to be a settled down father but she\’s not wanting the kids to have anything to do with him, because he\’s wanting to be with me. So she drops them off with family and goes out and parties. The kids have said they didn\’t want to be with their mom, that they wanted to be with dad. ANd the kids even say that they never get to see her.

    Well, i know he has been stressing out about all of this mainly because he\’s so confused on what to do. He\’s afraid to start something up with me because he doesnt want to get hurt again, she treated him like dirt and needless to say even tho two wrongs don\’t make a right, she cheated on him and left him a long time ago,too..

    i know he is facing alot to lose & give up for me, but im doing the same..& this is While the marriage is still on..until the divorce comes about.. We decided to go on hold for a bit until he gets this settled out in his mind,

    i do understand the pressure he is going through but i just want to know if i\’m going to be wasting my time. Because as the picture turns out, he is completely done with her and he
    does and truly wants me.

    But i\’m just as confused myself and i guess this \”hold\” will prove alot where me and him both stand. Even tho he has proved enough to me that he loves and wants
    me. i do understand now that this is for the kids sake.

    I just do hope that when he does figure everything out that it is the right decision. and im all about seeing him happy. I just want her to see that it is over and it\’s not me that\’s got him to move on and that it is him. because it has always been him saying he is done with her and that it has been over for a long time.

    Anyways, that\’s my story. i don\’t know what to do. i think the only thing to do is except whatever decision he makes and go on with it. whether it\’s moving on for now or getting
    back with him. i wish everyone could know MORE of the story to show how confused i really am on this. Because all honesty and no bull, this really was all of her fault.

  306. ezy as 123 Says:

    he doesn’t have the money to get a divorce?
    is that his excuse? or is it fear of loosing his children? She can not take his children from him for any reason. i hate it when parents use their children to get back on their ex. it’s so not fair.
    it doesn’t cost much to get a divorce these days. i got a print out through the internet divorce do it yourself kit, filled it out, paid a process server to deliver it to his door and because i’m a pensioner, i was exempt from court fees… but all up it only cost me $76.00. the form was easy to do and the only thing was that my ex had to see it atleast 28days before the court date and if my ex refused to sign, there was nothing he could do to stop the process of divorce going through. i appeared in court on the day (my ex did too, objecting the divorce due to religious beliefs) but there was nothing legally he could do to stop it. it happened. i was told if i used a soliitor, it’d cost me up to $2,000.00 in legal fees. so it don’t cost alot to get a divorce. you only need to be separated from them for 12months and BAAAM, it’s easy.!

  307. LovingWife Says:

    To all of you women who think it is a wonderful adventurous thing to sleep with married men, one day you may be married and guess what someone just like you will be trying to entice your husband to sleep with them. And if you are unfortunate enough to steal a married man from his family, just know that is a 99.99% probability that he will cheat on you too! Better get those pills for paranoia right now, because that is what your life is destined to be with him. One big paranoia trip from hell!

    Here are the cold hard facts from a wife’s perspective to the skank who is trying to steal my husband:

    1) I love my husband dearly and am a great loving wife and mother to his children despite the lies my husband has told you about me being a cold monster of a bee-atch who walks around like godzilla. BTW, I look good too!

    2) I have great sex with my husband at least 5 times a week despite him telling you that we don’t sleep together, I mean he would have to tell you that for you to knowingly sleep with him knowing he has a piece of azz at home. BTW, how do you like the taste of my coochi because just about every morning before he leaves the house he eats my pu$$y to wake me up. You knew he was married, I had no idea he was effing you. Ewww

    3) The reason he looks so good is because I make sure that he eats the right things and I keep his clothes cleaned and in order

    4) The reason he smells so good is because I pick out all of the cologne that he wears

    5) We are a loving family regardless of what he tell you, we laugh, joke, carress, kiss, snuggle, play games together, watch movies together, go everywhere together, do everything together. He wraps me up completely in his arms and legs every night, that is how we sleep (you must have thought that he slept in another room lol) Why do you think that you don’t hear from him when he is home or on the weekend or holidays? You don’t think he is home moping and thinking about you do you? ROFL! He is home with us every night and on the weekends and on holidays, because he loves us and enjoys us and works hard everyday to support us. That is why he has very little money to spend on you because his family always comes first. I have poured over bank statements and credit card statements and you are not only a skank but a cheap skank because he spent very little money on you. A dinner or two and some conversation full of lies and you are ready to hang from the chandelier doing pu$$y tricks?

    6) You will never be me. Despite me finding out about you, I know that he loves me.I know he loves our kids and would never leave us for a piece of skank azz.

    So if all of that is true why did he cheat on me? Who knows? I can’t for the life of me figure that out. Why did Bill let that skank suck him off? Why is Obama looking at azz that ain’t Michelle’s? Why did Steve McNair eff that crazy broad when he had a much more beautiful wife at home? Steve played with crazy and she acted crazy. Now those boys don’t have a father and Mrs. McNair is left hurt and humiliated. How crazy is it that the skank felt like it was ok for him to cheat on his wife with her, but for him to cheat on her is grounds for murder? Selfish and crazy!

    Why do any of the men act the way that they do? All I know is that, we had it all, and MY husband, almost blew it for a piece of skank azz. Stop calling him, he is not effing you anymore. Stop sending him messages through other people, the secret is over everyone tells me everything now. Your times with him were all fantasy. No mortgage to think about, no kids to yell at, no responsibilities at all, just effing. That’s it.
    You are a skank and your day will come. Remember what I’m saying, maybe one day you get married. Your karma bus will come by, I promise you.

  308. Wifey Says:

    To all of you women who think it is a wonderful adventurous thing to sleep with married men, one day you may be married and guess what someone just like you will be trying to entice your husband to sleep with them. And if you are unfortunate enough to steal a married man from his family, just know that is a 99.99% probability that he will cheat on you too! Better get those pills for paranoia right now, because that is what your life is destined to be with him. One big paranoia trip from hell!

    Here are the cold hard facts from a wife\\\’s perspective to the skank who is trying to steal my husband:

    1) I love my husband dearly and am a great loving wife and mother to his children despite the lies my husband has told you about me being a cold monster of a bee-atch who walks around like godzilla. BTW, I look good too!

    2) I have great sex with my husband at least 5 times a week despite him telling you that we don\\\’t sleep together, I mean he would have to tell you that for you to knowingly sleep with him knowing he has a piece of azz at home. BTW, how do you like the taste of my coochi because just about every morning before he leaves the house he eats my pu$$y to wake me up. You knew he was married, I had no idea he was effing you. Ewww

    3) The reason he looks so good is because I make sure that he eats the right things and I keep his clothes cleaned and in order

    4) The reason he smells so good is because I pick out all of the cologne that he wears

    5) We are a loving family regardless of what he tell you, we laugh, joke, carress, kiss, snuggle, play games together, watch movies together, go everywhere together, do everything together. He wraps me up completely in his arms and legs every night, that is how we sleep (you must have thought that he slept in another room lol) Why do you think that you don\\\’t hear from him when he is home or on the weekend or holidays? You don\\\’t think he is home moping and thinking about you do you? ROFL! He is home with us every night and on the weekends and on holidays, because he loves us and enjoys us and works hard everyday to support us. That is why he has very little money to spend on you because his family always comes first. I have poured over bank statements and credit card statements and you are not only a skank but a cheap skank because he spent very little money on you. A dinner or two and some conversation full of lies and you are ready to hang from the chandelier doing pu$$y tricks?

    6) You will never be me. Despite me finding out about you, I know that he loves me.I know he loves our kids and would never leave us for a piece of skank azz.

    So if all of that is true why did he cheat on me? Who knows? I can\\\’t for the life of me figure that out. Why did Bill let that skank suck him off? Why is Obama looking at azz that ain\\\’t Michelle\\\’s? Why did Steve McNair eff that crazy broad when he had a much more beautiful wife at home? Steve played with crazy and she acted crazy. Now those boys don\\\’t have a father and Mrs. McNair is left hurt and humiliated. How crazy is it that the skank felt like it was ok for him to cheat on his wife with her, but for him to cheat on her is grounds for murder? Selfish and crazy!

    Why do any of the men act the way that they do? All I know is that, we had it all, and MY husband, almost blew it for a piece of skank azz. Stop calling him, he is not effing you anymore. Stop sending him messages through other people, the secret is over everyone tells me everything now. Your times with him were all fantasy. No mortgage to think about, no kids to yell at, no responsibilities at all, just effing. That\\\’s it.
    You are a skank and your day will come. Remember what I\\\’m saying, maybe one day you get married. Your karma bus will come by, I promise you.

  309. LovingWIfe Says:

    Sorry about the double post thing, for future posters, even if you get an error message yoru post was probably put up.

    Just reading through some of the posts. Why do you believe the whole divorce thing? If he goes home to his wife everynight, chance are high that they are not getting a divorce and probably have not even discussed it. My husband confessed at marriage counseling that he told the skank we were having problems and that he was thinking about leaving me. Nothing further from the truth.

    And why would you even want a man who would leave a wife and kids for another woman? That says alot of his character. A good man can make a bad choice cheat, but a man who leaves his responsibilities and runs off into the sunset is a poor excuse for man. Like I said, if he does it to one wife, he will do it to the next one.

  310. to wifee Says:

    the fact that you are on this site, shows you need some strong paranoia pills…
    you have no idea.!

  311. no trust Says:

    i am not the woman you are referring to but i think, from your last comment from “Loving Wifey” you sound very insecure. Marriage is not about the sex and how good it is. it’s about the life lived, the attitude. why are you choosing his cologne for him? why are you keeping him all polished up? sounds like you’re the needy one who desperately tries hard to please and suffocating him and any man hates this. if i were married, i’d be doing my own thing on the weekends. there’s no joy in spending every bit of time together. that’s F*%£n co-dependency. sounds like you’ve forgotten how to be your own person and that is why YOUR man is cheating on you… Atleast we are free without the responsibility. You’re the trapped one by the sounds of it.

  312. Joya Says:

    I met the most adorable guy in London. He lives in New York while I live in London, we met while he was on a business trip and we had the most awesome romance of my life. I fell in love with him hook, line and sinker. He treated me like princess, told me he loved me, and showed me love and attention. He didn’t wear a wedding ring, went everywhere with me, left his beautiful house in London and practically moved into my small flat and slept in my single bed with me almost every night. It wasn’t even about sex bc he hardly even had sex, we would hold hands, look into each other’s eyes, talk about our lives, work etc. In those weeks, I saw and felt love. I have never been treated so special in my life…..
    And then, he had to go back to NY and I just found out that he, the love of my life is married! He has a wife in New York and I am stunned. I found out a week ago and ever since I have been numb. I can’t confront him or even take his calls because I feel so betrayed. He doesn’t even know that I know and I haven’t told anyone about it. I have never dated a married man, I have never even considered it but now I am hopelessly in love with a married man.
    Please I need advice. I’m 28 years old and can handle the truth. Where do I go from here and how do I fall out of love with this man. I feel so ashamed of myself for even dating a married man and I am so envious of his wife and in way sorry for her and me for both loving a gorgeous but lying bloke!

  313. Lovingwife Says:

    To Notrust: I laugh at your respone and say to you, one day someone will care enough about you to marry you will reap what you have already sown. Good luck!

  314. Nabeelah Says:

    RE: WIFEY

    I am quite sad to read your post… I don’t intend to criticize you at all it might not be the wises words spoken but it clearly comes from the same place, all our posts “skanks” come from & that’s “emotions”

    We females as in excusable as it may sound has been created to nurture & love & immediately when we see an opportunity to give that “ love “ & have it returned to us we are lost to the manipulating men out there… Yes we are vulnerable & it should not b seen as a weakness to acknowledge that, it should be considered strength… So that we anticipate these Morons who take so much of us we end up having nothing left to give the deserving men in our lives.

    Instead of turning towards the females whether married or skank we divide ourselves into 2 groups & judge one another accordingly… Today us cheating women are labeled “skanks” by the married one’s tomorrow us “skanks” are labeling the married females we desire to be “door mats” to allow there husbands to treat them this way…

    When actually we are all probably amazing women dealing with Love the best way we no how… just to get through another day & another intense emotion.

    I am wrong for loving a MM, your are wrong for lowering your standards to accommodate a cheating husband…

    What Im trying to bring across is we have more in common than you choose to believe & that’s that we both giving love where not deserved I don’t care what a good man you believe your husband or cheating MM to be he is nothing more than described.

    We need to start placing some more responsibly on the MM involved! & stop dividing ourselves into groups! We all faced with the same dilemma

    As for all us “so called skanks” we cannot control the challenges we dealt but we can control the choices we make so start making them wisely you all deserve better so do I… Oh & the words written by wifey could be very true we believe them to be miserable when they just enjoying a good double life!

    Feel free to read my Post dated back to January RE: Nabeelah

  315. Cathy Says:

    You are all disgusting leaches. Marriage is a commitment to be with someone for the rest of your life. A commitment made to god and the world. If someone is married they likely have children and i think its disgusting you would break up a family to satisfiy your own selfish needs.

  316. Cathy Says:

    If you think they love you they dont. I happened on this site by accident while googling married tax info. Your all vey sad and i feel sorry for you. I hope someday you all can find someone who really loves you and isnt just using you for meaningless sex to escape the pressures of work,kids and life in general. Most of these men love their wives and will tell you anything to get into bed with you. Remember it is his wife he pleged his never ending love for in front of all his friends and family, not you! You are his dirty little secret that he prays wont be discovered because it would bring him so much shame.

  317. Nabeelah Says:

    I’m so annoyed with reading these wives post’s…I tried to be considerate but really now get over yourselves!

    Firstly this site is not for you secondly save your comments & judgment for your husband!

    His the 1 who made a commitment to you & should be keeping it you right, none of us vowed to you so we not breaking any rules or vows towards you.

    Yes out of decency we feel horrible for you that you married to a man who clearly has no respect or appreciation for you & as a female we wouldn’t wish that upon any female or ourselves. Half the time us cheap whatever you guys call us aren’t even aware the man is married.

    What I’m trying to say is stop harassing us and deal with the problem at hand the mm involved.

    This site is a safe place for us to release our version of the story as at the end of the day we the invisible parties end up being the most hurt.

    Wives go ahead use us as your punching bags because nothing compares to the hit’s we already giving ourselves every day…

  318. lost Says:

    Married men seem to have no idea of boundaries for us or for themselves.

  319. puzzler Says:

    RE Nabeelah

    You made the comment: “we end up having nothing left to give the deserving men in our lives”. my experience has been, i have nothing left to give any one else at all. i can’t make new friends bc all my spare time is taken up giving to my mm. and bc i won’t talk about it to anyone, i am left a puzzle to those who know me. i hate the secrecy of all of this and i’m sure that’s why the sex is so great…

  320. maxine Says:

    Confused in Missouri,

    I started dating a married man 2 months ago i have never done this before i knew he was married when we first went out. I know through mutual friends that he is very unhappy in his marriage, but always worry they might work things out. Sex is awesome, conversation with him is the best, he has already told me he loves me i havent answered him back yet, i do miss him terribly when he is not here, he comes by my work everyday for lunch and everyday when i get off, my friends say if he didn’t love you he wouldnt be there all the time. I feel sad when he leaves, and now i just told him i think he is telling me what i want to here and telling her what she wants to here to keep us both on his line. He said that is not true at all,she told him she was moving out and he could go file for divorce a few days ago, but neither have started either process, I do love him very much i didn’t want to it just happened. Its always in my head once a cheater always a cheater but i know two women who dated married man and they are now both married to them for several years, so i guess it just depends on the situaton with the married man, so i guess i will find out if it will work or not.

  321. x o x o Says:

    I’ve been dating a mm for 5years now and at first, probably for the 1st 4years i used to think he was telling me what i wanted to hear and her what she wanted to hear as well… but as i’ve come to know him, i’ve worked out it’s his personality. he is passive, like me: he avoids confrontation. Communication with him is the best i’ve ever had with anybody. we connect in mind just as we connect in body. we share the same philosophy to life. i feel 100% compatible to him. we have an understanding of each other like i never knew could be possible. yes, i always have in the back of my mind “once a cheater, always a cheater” but i think i need to trust in him coming clean. it starts in the mind and he has changed so much since i first met him. i still love him after 5years of roller coastering together in this crazy situation. i think to myself if we’ve lasted, against all odds, this long, there must be something strong there. he takes every opportunity to see me as i am not easily available. he will drop everything he’s doing to make the time for me, which again tells me he truly loves me. yes, sex is awesome. communication is emotionally deep, he has become more honest since coming to know me. i think we are winners. i get the feeling it is worth the wait… there is more to this story but like the above married women interfering with this site, i do not want to give my identity away so this is where i’ll leave it.

  322. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and disspaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I have lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  323. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and disspaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I have lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  324. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I have lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\\\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  325. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I have lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\\\\\\\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  326. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\\\’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\\\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I have lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  327. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\\\\\\\’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\\\\\\\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I have lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  328. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I have lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  329. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\\\’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\\\\\\\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\\\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  330. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\\\\\\\’s to hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\\\\\\\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  331. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it’s hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  332. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\’s hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  333. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it’s hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\\\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  334. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it\’s hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no mosnths or weeks that we don\\\\\\\’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don\’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  335. smoothy Says:

    I dated a MM, from the start he told me that him and his wife are just friend now and they are moving on separate ways, they are only living together for the sake of their kids and finansical situation, it’s hard to believe but he keep insisted that there is nothing at all between them. Then he manage me to believe him and we been seing each for about a year… In this 12months there is no months or weeks that we don’t have any argument issue in regards to his situation, it is not giving me Peace of Mind and it is just on and on same issue of argument. he promise me a lot and he wants me to be committed to him and i did, he doesnt want me to date other bloke, because he told me that he is really serious to me. Then months by months of argument of frustration and dissapaointment, I made a call to his home and face my fear to find out what is it really his situation. i called his home and his wife answer the phone and i ask for him, she told that his not home and i ask who she is? she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. Then that is the time i must do something to know what is really the situation but he keep denying it. For the sake of his kids, i have to let him go and give him up because it hurt enough as it is and i feel sorry for his children. I face my fear and truth Hurts… i have to stop seeing him! I lost a total control of myself and i lost respect to myself, because of him? i have neglected myself and my work… all i can say to everyone…. LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN ANYTHING!!! You can not really tell if they are telling the truth or not! for us to give our time and effort with all our hearts? they don’t have any conscience or guilt to hurt someone.

  336. desperate me Says:

    RE: Smoothy
    yes it appears that way: they don’t have any conscience in regard to respecting others. it really does and it kills when you try to understand it bc you are not like that yourself. i often fear that by accepting this situation, i am telling my mm i have no conscience either. he see’s me like ‘he’ is.
    ladies, if you find yourself screaming internally but not being able to let it out around them bc they turn you into this beautiful princess, listen to this voice inside. it is your intuition and it is your best guide. The bigger the problem, the louder it will scream… this is such a hard situation to get out of bc we don’t have the support that we would bc it is a secrret and usually not known to our friends or family. Our loved ones have no idea what ‘we’ are going through and herein lies the trap for us: NO SUPPORT. and they (mm) can return to their life with their wives and friends and forget about us and all their friends and family accept them still but the situation has made us isolate ‘ourselves’ from our friends in order to keep this relationshipn (if that’s what you can call it) a secret. i wish i had answers… how do you cut them off when you have next to no one who understands or would even accept you for choosing this predicament?

  337. anon Says:

    Love is everything it\’s cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.

  338. Savage Says:

    Omg Im So Glad I Found This …

    I’ve Never Messed Around In The Single Funn Life And The First Dude I Find, I Want To Keep Around, And He’s The One Who Persude Me. Come To Find Out He’s Younger And Married, Wow …

    The First Married Man, And Fisrt Alot Of Things…

    And Now I Feel Like Ali Larder In “Obsessed”

    But I Dont Want To Be Like That Cause I Know, So Now I Can Really Do It Right, If I Already Didn’t Mess It Up …

    I Mean He’s Aluded To Future Events With Me So I Think I Still Have Him, But Thats The Thing About Him I Do See A Life With Him

    So I Just Need To Wait For It To End…

    She Knows He Cheats Before Me and Still With Me Around He’s All Around … So She Has To Get Fed Up Soon … I Sware No Girl Wants To Scream EveryDay !!!

  339. i'm going to Snap.! Says:

    hello Savage, welcome to the club. i like your name, is that descriptive of how you’re feeling? i read your post earlier and have been thinking about it ever since… it’s Sunday,,, and i’m feeling frustrated as all hell… my mm can’t say no. he is a yes man and it screws with my head. he is so so helpful that it is beginning to feel to me like instalments…when i have a problem, he assumes he’s the only one who can fix it. i think he thinks he’s a god. i have been binge eating today bc i feel so fed up with all of it. i’ve been dating my mm for four years and we’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs and i’m at the stage now where i feel i can’t get out of it but my feelings for him are lessening. he has become such a huge part of my life BUT i’ve got use to him coming and going and i think i prefer it that way. he has so many other commitments than just me (yeah, you guessed it, his other life). he wants a future with me but i think it’s been all screwed with bc of the lies i’ve seen and heard him say to hide his relationship with me (to all of his friends). I’m beginning to see a side to him that i hate. i thought i could change him but… can you teach an old dog new tricks? he pretends to change (after i express what i like and dislike) i’m feeling lonely and itching my brain over this. i’ve been happy to wait until now but it’s all taking too long. i suppose i’ve forgotten the reality of the situation. he’s always trying to plan a future with me but HOW is this possible with his wife in the scenery? i feel like ScReAmInG. . . all day today, anyway.
    yes, welcome to the bitching site from all us “hoping” women who can not let go.

  340. R.J. Says:

    Can I get an opinion for a guy going through the same situation? I’ve been dating a married man for the past 6 months. Yes, he’s married to a woman, and yes he has kids. Lucky for me, I just found out a week ago. I stayed with him, obviously, or else I would not be posting on this column. It’s amazing how many women go through this, and I can’t find a single story about a man falling for a married man. Crazy. I’m reading all these stories, and I related to a certain extent, but I think mine stems deeper. This is a man who is struggling with a sexual orientation. Here is how mine works, we see talk consistently, daily if you want to go that far. We see each other perhaps once or twice, if our schedules are flexible enough maybe three or four times a week. Ever since he’s dropped the bomb, he’s beyond honest about his “secret life.” He’s older than I am, I guess you can say I’m still in my very early twenties. I expect him to commit eventually, but I don’t mind the wait. I’m not seeing anyone else, but not by choice. The thought of seeing someone else disgusts me. I want to help him through this. Does it make sense that even if we don’t end up together, I still want to see him make this move in his life? It’s not fair to him or his wife. This is a pretty messed up situation, but I promised I’d see him through it. I just need some feedback.

  341. scArlet Says:

    WOW…nice to find there are more women out there sharing my situation. I have been dating my MM for a few months now. We talked/IMed/texted for the first month of our relationship. Then we got to date, be intimate, and fall in love. Cheesy I know since he will never leave his wife of 23 years. I am ok with that though. I have been married and divorced a few times and don’t want to commit like that ever again. So me dating a MM is actually perfect for me. I happen to know his wife, I know she treats him horidly, so I feel no guilt at all. Just an FYI I talk to him at least twice a day, we email through out the day, and I see him pretty much every day. I do NOT feel second best. Sure he goes home to her, but I know he is thinking about me. So being “the other woman” does not have to mean you have to rate second best. He should love finding time for you, spoiling you, and communicating with you. Hell my MM holds a very important place in government. He is a very busy man between his job, being a great father, and all the other things he does he still finds time for me…and if he can do it anyone should be able to.

  342. WishYouTheBest Says:

    Here’s a little hope and strength for you ladies.

    Michelle Branch – Sooner or Later

    Here are the lyrics:

    Lipstick, pretty face and maybe you’ll notice
    Something different ’bout me, different ’bout me
    Yeah you talk talk all you want, you pour your heart out
    But you never do see, you never do see me

    Hey, can’t wait around forever for you

    Sooner or later you’re gonna come around
    And you’ll be sorry when you figure out
    That I was always everything that you needed
    Sooner or later you’re gonna wish you had me
    Yeah, you’re gonna wish you had me

    Well she don’t do nothing for you
    But mess you up, yeah she messes you up
    I’m your shoulder I’m the quick drive over
    Trying to fix your stuff, well I give up

    Ooh, you never see me standing right in front of you

    Sooner or later you’re gonna come around
    And you’ll be sorry when you figure out
    That I was always everything that you needed
    Sooner or later you’re gonna wish you had me
    Yeah, you’re gonna wish you had me

    Oh you’re gonna wish me back so bad, so bad
    Oh but it’s a little too late for that

    Lipstick, pretty face, and maybe you’ll notice
    Something different about me, different about me

    Sooner or later you’re gonna come around
    And you’ll be sorry when you figure out
    That I was always everything that you needed
    Sooner or later, oh

    Sooner or later you’re gonna come around
    And you’ll be sorry when you figure out
    That I was always everything that you needed
    Sooner or later you’re gonna wish you had me, oh
    You’re gonna wish you had me, oh
    You’re gonna wish you had me, oh
    You’re gonna wish you had me
    Oh you’re gonna wish you had me

  343. Enhancer Says:

    RE: please help me

    i really feel for you and entered into your situation. i am also dating a mm of five years and i think the relationship is breaking down. his wife has just left him. if they are not genuine and we are \”alert\”, if we give the union enough time, the truth reveals the lies. i have stuck your post back in. for some reason it disappeared but i wanted to reply to you. i wish i knew why we kept believing these mm. I can not put my finger on why we feel such a \”need\” for them. i am in a similar situation to you with him living so close, but not that close (omg). These men seem to know all the right words to lure us and keep us in their realm of convenience. i do not have any answers for you sis but when you said that he doesn\’t want to hurt neither of you, it reminded me of a movie i recently watched: \”it\’s him he doesn\’t want to hurt!!!! F*%£/*.
    One more thing, I\’ve also hit rock bottom in my own relationship with my mm. i love him but i am not \”in love\” with him. Your post made me think and i appreciate your openness. I think this kind of union cuts off our supports and then, they are the only voice we hear giving them huge influence over us. You are not stupid, just vulnerable, like most of us on this site.. All the Best in sortin it all out.

  344. livingwithsideffects Says:

    I took the time to read this all day because i’m also involved in one ot these toxic relationships with an MM. Long story short..i’m 23..near the end of a bitter short marriage..i’m talking britney spears short..and ive filed and been waiting for a finalize divorce decree from my long time abusive fiance who had to leave far away.. Seemed like i was a plane heading downhill i had no one to vent my feelings too..So 5 months ago..I met this wonderful man..we both work in the same job line w/gossipers and i’ve noticied him before just not like this..he was going through a rough time..i could tell because he always secluded himself..no one wanted to help as long as everyone knew him..

    well one day i told myself i’m going to help this man up..so it started by casual talks..and during these talks we found out all of our similarities and i’ve never engaged in anything talking wise with a man..he helped me with my problems and i helped with his..we got the texting..and telling our life stories and going beyond the close doors that no one else would think of going…for being someone 10 years my senior..i never thought we acted the same way. I knew he had a wife for approx 16 years..and she was his only everything..and 2 younger kids..and yet i never felt no guilt i told him how he needed to find out what he wanted…We didn’t even “make love” until about 2 months later..I grew up in those beliefs that I would never be that girl..and here I’am..From the first time we kissed..to the first time we made love..I knew it was going to be devastating on me..it was the most incrediable feeling I have ever had..and I knew I was going to be fall for him more…he was the first to tell me he loved me it was a shock for me he was even the first to talk about future plans..stuff i never brought up..I thought I found my soulmate..

    but it is a too good to be true story..his wife started finding out bits and pieces of me..but instead of getting mad..she yearned for his attention..by making him not want to talk to me..by trying to improve her looks..but he told her no matter what I still would be a friend to him..As of now they sleep in seperate areas and the kids have noticied….However, just Some of the stuff he tells me about her..makes me want to push him more toward her… I beg him to go find an answer go to counseling go work it out..for the sake of the children.. Though he tells me how his wife has turned on him when he needed her the most..u no the whole its going bad for a lil while… And yet..we both have hit our roughs..what do we do..run back to each other..i’ve tried about 3 times to end it..and it’s hard..But now I read these stories that the leftovers we do get..I mean he told me we had to slow it down cuz of his wife looking at his phone….we use to text and call all the time…now it’s down to whenever is convienent for him.

    I sit here in disgust..i’m very hurt by it..would i tell him this no..I don’t want the ultimative..even though this is our first..outter experience with this..I want him to do what is right…because hearing that he is in love with two people..hurts me..because I know what he means.. at the same time I don’t want him to love me anymore..this waiting by the phone thing just gets tiring….however the moment i see him we go off in our own world..its a drug.. Even today i haven’t heard from him once..why..because he is at a family function..im just the person the sideline..that’s all I’ll ever be..but why can’t i leave this game..I hope i find the help that i need and i still want to be there for him to get him out of his moments..but maybe thats not my place…Just sucks how he gets jealous over me..or knows how to say the right things that gets me…never had someone show they really cared…I hope god forgives me one day because i really didn’t mean to fall in this one..Please don’t be quick to judge..im just as broken as anyone else whos lived to tell it..i just wonder what my situation will be when i look back at this post a year from now..hopefully not stuck like this..

  345. feeler Says:

    you/re right, it is a game. it is a drug, it’s toxic but it’s not you god needs to forgive, it’s Him. don’t take on the guilt hun. i do not believe you can be in love with two people at a time. only one. his wife looking at his phone. if he had any caution, or even respect, he’d make sure his phone was cleared. it’s not that hard. it’s not his wife’s job to delve into his personal phone anyway. yes, it’s totally f*%”£d putting up with leftovers. you sound like a first for many things from him. He’d be loving that. it’s a good balance for you but it’s mental torture not being able to be with the one you love. this is the cruelest situation to be in. you’re in the middle of grief and we need close intimate love to help us through this. Your good. god would understand your needs. don’t feel guilt. ride with it. take what you can. i’d like to say give nothing back but we, as women can’t help that.

  346. Miss NI EVE Says:

    I remember about five months into dating my mm where i had thrush and he said to me, “we better be careful, we wouldn’t want to spread it around…” my first reaction was OMG, how many gals is he stringing along? then, after being spun out for a few hours over it, i asked him how many did he have besides me? he said well, i wouldn’t want to pass it on to my wife… it was then i realised that he was doing it with both of us… that killed me. i immediately felt dirty, used, trodden on, i could not understand it. i’d simply assumed he hadn’t been doing it to both of us… how neive was I? i reacted so strongly to this incident and asked him what he needed me for, he replied: for communication and companionship… This made no sense to me… i wanted so bad to break it off. i couldn’t get in the shower quick enough, clean my house compulsively. i felt so dirty. i did not respond to my phone all that day as i was sitting in a corner of my house crying for hours. that night, in the middle of my own catastrophies (at outpatients for my young child) i answered the phone, it was him pleading for forgiveness… he couldn’t apologize enough. he said he would never touch her again in that way. he realised at that point how he would loose me if he kept sleeping with his wife…i was so very angry and told him i’d think about it. well, here i am, three years later. still with him. he vows to me he’s never touched her since but i always have a doubt in the back of my brain. the thing is, we never know for sure… i did stalk him once to see if he was telling me the truth over something else. felt so guilty doing it but he’d do to me without a problem… i don’t know why i feel compelled to share this part of my dating a mm with you but here it is. trust is a very hard thing for me without having him married on top. how can we trust them? how long does it take these mm to work out where they want to be? how long do we wait and put up with leftovers? you tell me? i can’t leave…

  347. bella0707 Says:

    I just ended a one year affair with my MM and I am heartbtoken.
    We mat last summer at a restaurant. I went there with a girlfriend who was joining a guy for lunch, and HE was with him. We had a strong attraction and connection from the start. He is an NBA player. he started texting every day things like i miss you, I\’m thinking of you…. He was the sweetest guy i had ever met. Then we saw eachother before he had to leave for the season and we got intimate for the first time there. Certainly the best sex I\’ve ever had!!! So passionate. Then he always kept in touch with sweet text messages and one day he invited me to join him when his team was on the road. He flew me to Cleveland and a driver was waiting for me at the airport to take me to the hotel. We absolutely clicked there!! Started to tell me how he had never met a woman like me.. That he was crazy about me.. That I was the most beautiful girl ha has ever been with.. bla bla bla.. He just made me feel so special and again, the sex was passionate!! I fell madly in love then.. So he continued to fly me everywhere on the road. I was going to the games. He spoiled me and took care of me in a way you can only dream of. We constantly wrote eachother text messages everyday. And sent pictures and he never missed a good nite text. He even flew me and a friend to Boston, where he plays, and where is wife was too. He just booked us hotel rooms and would come and spend the evenings with me and would leave around 4am to go back to his wife. then when the season ended he came back to LA with his wife and kid (he has a one year old), where he lives in the off season. That\’s when it started to be hard for me. Because he was here, in town but i could barely see him. this has been killing me all summer. He rented a multimillion $ in the hills for us to meet. he gave me $ so i could buy things for the house and make it my home. He asked me to move in it and i did. he swept me off my feet. He would come to meet me at night and leave around 3am to go back to his wife in Malibu. i always would wake up alone and would see him once a week sometimes once every 2 weeks. I mean the house he rented for me was 12000 a month. That\’s alot for a couple meetings a month! So about a month ago he told me that he was having to much problems with the owner of the house and that i had to get my things out. I was sad but what could i do.. So he said he had to find another crib and rented an apartment on Wilshire blvd. So we started to meet there instead. he left for a 2weeks business trip to Indy and hawai. During that time i found out I was pregnant from him and had to go through the abortion alone.. it was very hard for me, my heartbreak. I couldnt believe the situation i was in. So I deleted him from my phone and told him i couldnt see him anymore. He was in hawai. he didnt want us to be over and convinced me to keep going. So i did. I had a hard time telling him about the abortion but I finally did. He seemed pretty affected by it, at first! The I LOVE YOU started to fly by. i swear I have neved had such a strong connection with someone. We both felt the same way. Last time we met was at the apartment about 10 days ago. There we had the best talk we have ever had and I felt so close to him He told me he loved me, that he had never felt a connection like this, that he wanted to take care of me and find me a nice place so i could move out from my shitty place where i live with roommates. i felt so good that night. Anyway, i was in heaven!! I was deeply in love with him. Loved him so much!! I would miss him so much when I wasn\’t with him. I cared for him deeply and still do. This relationship has meant more to me than any relationship I have had. Even more than my ex fiance I was with for 10 years. Then I had a gutt feeling something wasnt right. His text messages werent has sweet and convincing. He wouldn\’t text me everyday which left me wondering. Last thursday I was driving around with my girlfriend and I said hey! let\’s go for a ride in the Hills and let\’s pass infront of the house. (The one he had for me but let go because of problems). So we did. It was late at night too. Around 11pm. So we drove by the house and there was a woman in the window. Right there I had a bad feeling. So we decided to park the car and walked by. Sure enough, my MM pulled in the driveway as we were walking. He never saw us. MY HEART STOPED!!! I thought this was all a bad dream. He had lied to me. He moved another woman in the house. I can\’t even discribe how much this hurts!! So my MM is busy with many women and many cribs. The worst part is that he actually told me to leave the house because he prefered another woman moving in it. i couldnt sleep or eat for 2 days. I felt sick and so heartbroken. The next day i texted him- meet me tonight at the house in the Hills. He replied which house? the white house? I don\’t have it anymore?? LIAR!!! So he called and he asked what this was all about. Started to tell me he didnt have the house anymore. Then I told him, yes you do, I saw you. we had a little fight over the phone. he tried to make me belive that he had to pay the house in advance so it was already paid for and that he was helping a friend who was a dancer. YEAH RIGHT!! he turned everything on me that i was making assomptions. That he wanted to spend more time with me and show that he loved me more and that we would get through this. Anyways, 2 days later, no news. So i drasticly deleted him from my blackberry messenger and my facebook. Maybe I overreacted but I am too heartbroken by the fact that he lied to me and got me out of the house for another woman. i am humiliated. i send him a huge email saying that i wasn\’t stupid. that i didnt buy the house story for one bit. That i resented him for not offering help or 4 for the abortion and that he was lucky i didnt keep the child. That I thought he bullshited me from day one with his sweet talking and promises. That i was heart broken and that this friendship has meant alot to me. I told him that i deserved better and that i was to good of a woman. That i was deeply hurt by this and couldnt believe it. i also said that i lacked judgement of his charater and that if he wanted to talk to me to show up at my door. And until he did so and apologize, he had lost a friend. i am deeply hurt by this. He sent me a text when he got my email and all he had to say was.- how much was the thing you had done?. i couldnt believe it!?!!!?!! thats all he had to say??? thats so cruel!!! and he didnt say he was sorry?!?!?!?! i said nevermind at this point… I am very dispointed. very hurt and I am heartbroken! I am so sad by this and can\’t believe he is so cold and heartless. i am shocked at how things got bad. Maybe he got mad at my email but i had to standup for myself. I just wish he would be man enough and have the heart to apologize. Maybe he will.. At least I would have a little respect for him left. Now i have to hear his name and see his face everywhere so it will be hard for me. I have kept all the texts and pictures and could totally ruined his life if i wanted to..
    So my experience with a MM has been passionate and addictive but so not worth it!!

  348. kylie Says:

    re: R.J.
    thanks for adding flavour to the site. all the help is in each post. knowing your feelings are similar to ours makes you feel not so alone. you said your mm is 100% honest and open with you. i wonder if that’s bc your same sex? i can never get enough of my mm. i hate sharing him and, yes, you would be happy to just see them leave a situation that’s no longer working for them. my husband is gay. we had children together. i didn’t realise he was gay until i left and put all the pieces together. it seems as if these people need to find a family to hide behind but it’s not fun for the woman cos the sex side sux. he wanted anal the few ocassions that we did have sex. it was far from personal. anyway that’s beside the point. it’s nice to have some flavour: you sound very honest. keep us posted.

  349. Jessica Says:

    I’ve recently started a relationship with a married guy. I’m 23, he’s 26 and i’ve known him for about 8 years. I’ve had the biggest crush on him since i first met him, i loved him a lot but thought he didn’t like me. After moving away, and then coming back to florida, i saw him a couple times, i went to his wedding but then i didn’t talk to him again for a while. A few months ago i sent him an email, and he said he would come to visit me. Seeing him brought back all the memories and feelings i’d always had for him. I loved seeing him and as he left he gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead. I wanted him so bad and it seemed like he was showing interest in me too, but he spoke of how somethings are better left unsaid and undone. So the next time i talked to him was online and he was saying that when the time was right certain things would not have to be left unsaid. At the time i wasn’t sure how he felt about me. But i felt like the moment was passing and i didn’t want the way i felt about him to be left unsaid anymore so i was just like “i love you” i figured if he didn’t think of me romantically then he would probably think of it as a friendly i love you but he didn’t, he start telling me how he loved me too and that when he was here before, he had wanted to kiss me so bad. I was quite surprised to hear that he loved me because i never knew he thought of me that way. I’ve always thought that his marriage didn’t seem like a happy one, he didn’t even seem happy on his wedding day. So i didn’t feel like i was breaking up their marriage. He came to visit me a few more times and our relationship has gotten quite serious pretty quickly. At first i wasn’t sure what his relationship with his wife was still like but recently he talked to me about it a little bit saying that they don’t have a relationship anymore, she sleeps on the couch, and he’s told her to leave but she won’t go away, and he stopped wearing his wedding ring. He had told me before that he loved me and he didn’t think it was right to have two women and it wasn’t fair to us. So it seems that their relationship is really over but i’m still kind of scared because sometimes it’s like a week until i hear from him again and he’s still living with her and i’m an insecure person. I’m terrified that he will stay with her because i love him more than i’ve ever loved anyone else. I don’t have any relationship experience, until him i’d never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy. But because i love him so much and he’s the first guy i’ve ever kissed, touched, had sex with, ect. i feel like i’ve opened myself up to him so much that if he leaves me, it will completely destroy my heart and i’ll never be okay. And the statistics scare me too, i mean like how many people’s first relationship ends up being with the person they spend the rest of their life with? One in a hundred? A thousand? I don’t know exactly but i know statistically our relationship will probably fail. I don’t doubt the way i feel about him the only question as far as i’m concerned is how much he loves me. I will do absolutely anything to make our relationship work, i just hope he doesn’t change his mind about me or decide he likes someone else more, or gets tired of me. And i know even if everything works out between us i’ll still always wonder if he has another girl.

  350. bella0707 Says:

    Thank you for your note Wendy!
    It\’s been over a week now. And I never gotten an apology from him. it shows how much he really cared huh?! I am better off without him. But again, so expected from a spoiled rich NBA star!! What was I thinking!! So many women would be ready to put themselves so low and have such low self esteem that they would cater to these guys for nothing! I am so happy that I stood up for myself. It is a very hard thing to do when you love someone. I am so glad for this site and share my story with women who have experienced similar things.

  351. isolde Says:

    found this site by coincidence,i wanted to read more about dating a MM..i wish to find the way to cure myself of this illness that call falling in love with a MM,i’m writing now while i’m so much in pain can’t stop myself crying because of the man i love now.
    please i wish any of the women who wrote here or will read this message to tell me how can i quit him?
    i don’t have the strength and i suffer a lot although i hate the situation i can’t stop it because i’m stupidly in love with him.
    i can’t stop thinking of all the nice feeling and nice moments we had together.
    i regret so much knowing him,i just have chosen the wrong man,i knew from the very beginning that there’s no future for all of this,but i liked to continue with it.
    he was so clear to me that he will never leave his wife and i was so idiot choosing to have the less he give me.
    now i’m in a real fight and struggle with own.
    i feel so lonely.i speak with friends and they keep blaming my stupidness.no one is able to help me.
    i don’t have to tell the story because it’s not that different of the stories i read here.
    i feel i have no dignity continuing with him being the last of his list but still i can’t turn it off.
    i had many other men who are available for me and i can’t see any of them i’m like blind i see only him.
    PLEASE i really need an answer or advice maybe i will have the strength to stop it.

  352. Nabeelah Says:

    RE: Isolde ( Sorry bout my long respone! )

    I read your post with tears in my eyes because I feel your pain all to well… Just as you say many of the posts depicts your relationship, so does the never ending cycle of how do I get out of it when my feelings are so strong, real & passionate… Many people understand affairs to be nothing more than the challenge & secrecy that ignites the passion, women like us understand that concept to be nothing more than a “fat lie” but even if there’s no truth in it, adapting our mind set to accepting that as a possibility is the 1st step to recovery.

    I no you love him and I no you want more, the cold hard truth is you aren’t going to have that love returned at least not with the same sincerity & commitment that you have and you shouldn’t settle for less & you probably not going to get more either.

    How do you get over it? You start by giving yourself more credit have faith in your strength & your ability to control your emotions & not have it control you. Make a list suitable to your situation & stick to it i.e. something like this:

    I will not accept lunch dates.
    I will not engage in personal conversation.
    I will not think about him for longer than 10 minutes a day or try and analyze his feelings for me.
    I will not cry or allow this situation to saturate my life.
    I will not be easily accessible to him by answering his every call or message.

    Make a commitment every morning to see how many you can stick to a day don’t start strong & end weak rather start small & end big!

    Because if affairs is nothing more than a challenge or secrecy as stated above “getting over it” should be seen as bigger “challenge” & “secret” thus don’t share this with him or anyone else & if your relationship is the exception to the normal categorized affair cases as we all like to imagine guess what your MM will be divorced & running back to you sooner than later…

    Living emotionally well is a conscious decision we all choose to make or to avoid so please make the right choice for your emotional well being and always remember, desperation is never cute but emotional independence is very sexy!

    Regards
    Nabeelah (My posts are all over this page already ;-) )

  353. Nabeelah Says:

    I’ve posted the start & middle to my story now sad but true I am posting my last:

    I choose not to call him my “mm” in this post simply because it was so much more than an affair to me. I actually never thought of it that way I suppose because my intentions were never to cheat anyone out of something.

    It takes one moment to start things & a million moments to end things; I have been ending this for so long I don’t remember ever trying not to.

    I’ve been rather strong & have been quite successful in a mission to withdraw myself from this relationship emotionally & physically. The hard part for me is his constant interference & wanting to discuss & access this situation over & over again it has drained me completely & entirely. He says I shouldn’t run away from Love but towards it that is a perfect strategy in healthier situations in ours the end result is inevitable nothing will ever come or grow from this Love.

    I am young & had not had half the experiences he has had & understand that we have so many challenges that Love just cant be the only thing keeping us together he has a family, a wife whom I care for deeply & my family who loves & cares for his family just as much, this situation would destroy both our worlds & how can I base my happiness on so many peoples sadness… The pain I’m feeling now wont be half the pain his wife & kids will feel if he leaves them & worst if ends up with me.

    If our needs were the same I would probably continue this affair but it’s not & this I realized even more so yesterday he said he wanted intimacy without the commitment, conversation without the restrictions & emotions without the baggage as you find so many times in marriage. I want commitment in terms of marriage; baggage in terms of happy/sad & every emotion felt by him & conversation with restrictions don’t dare talk about another woman with me!

    He separated from his wife this was a decision they made with no influence from me, I cannot capitalize on something that has no potential… Maybe it won’t be an affair after they divorce but it will continue to be a secret because our families, jobs & everything in between are connected. Mine truly is the never ending story.

    We chatted all nite last night & he said the sweetest things, he also agreed to help me work through this I don’t how that will work out but I’m surely going to try.

    I made a choice based on my happiness to end things with him not based on our situation, unrealistic expectations or others. That’s what makes my ending different

  354. puzzler Says:

    Remember Nabeelah, Time heals all things… i want you to stay attuned to this site. Your posts have helped me so much to understand and mine also feels like a never ending story. please keep in touch with us. we need you here. if he’s with you, how can his wife be truly happy? how can the knowledge of this destroy her? even though she doesnt know about her husbands secret, it sounds like he is in love with you, not her. How can it go on like this forever? are you ending things with him but allowing him to help you work through this. i admire you for trying but he will grind your boundaries down again… this is what they seem to do best. well, mine does.. does he want to end things with you too? i hate only getting half the story, that’s no fault of your own. i enjoy reading your posts Nabeelah, please don’t go. You are so clear in your posts. so honest, so thoughtful and considerate of all. what a situation to find ourselves in? I think you’re amazing. i was so excited to see your name come up again on this post after your last comment to the married women interfering with this site (July 16th). you were brilliant. my mm is also 10years my senior and has just terminated his 2nd marriage after 5years of me dating him. I think he has learnt some good lessons and developed some maturity: more so since meeting me. it’s strange how these mm can dismiss their situation and speak to us as if they are free themselves. i’ve had to constantly tell myself, hang on he’s still married, i can not give myself to him fully while he is still married. it is very early days for me yet and i feel, now with his wife out of the picture (not completely) we can BEGIN to get to know each other on all the other plains that you can not get to know while you are secretly snatching every free moment you both have. it’s such a torment to be in this hidden closet. please stay, i will look forward to your name appearing again. we need your strength.

  355. Wendy Says:

    I was laying in bed thismorning thinking exactly what it was that i do not like about my mm. i must be dumb not being able to work it out after four years. i can\’t work out how to leave him. He won\’t be told. Part of me feels 100%natural with him and this gets in the way. he\’s too bloody nice, that\’s what gets in the way. he will never tell me what bugs him about me but considers me perfect. this does not sit comfortably with me as life is no fairy tale.

  356. Isolde Says:

    Dear Nabeelah,
    thanks for answering my post,i just read it yesterday as i’m traveling all around for my work these days.
    here i’m having a day off in a strange country of mine “alone of course” although i have a lot of friends with me here.
    but somehow i can’t enjoy anything without him,keeping a wait for his calls and chats.
    yesterday one of my friends told me that i changed a lot and i don’t have the same happy eyes as before he said he can see sadness now..and he’s not the 1st who told me this.
    i feel so sad because i’m so young to have this struggle now.
    as i told u in my pervious post that i need to turn it off with him,still he has the ability to make me continue more and more with him i don’t know till when but defiantly to no where.
    i know i’m losing my youth and my time for “nothing”
    the fact that he can’t be with me kills me every second.
    we are trying to be clear and realistic in all our talks even when we both meet.”and u have no idea how it hurts”
    i can’t believe that we have such intimacy and trying to be realistic what a great torture!
    sometimes i fell down to be as realistic as he dose most of the time,
    i keep crying and crying,because deep inside my heart i can’t accept this reality.
    i have a big fight between both my mind and heart.
    i fell down in a deep deep hole can’t take myself out of it.
    i’m trying to do as you told me in your post,start it slowly step by step without even telling him.
    i’m trying to believe i can make it and to have faith for my own.
    thank you so much for your support,and i hope you will find your peace too.
    i will keep reading these posts hoping to find one of yours soon.

  357. Wendy Says:

    Dear Isolde,

    I have experienced EVERYTHING you are explaining in your posts and i believe many of us, who take this relationship seriously have so YOU’RE NOT ALONE. i also believe this relationship is a journey. it is not something we can break away from easily. there is a series of steps we have to take to get through it. each case is different but it is definately not as easy as just breaking it off. it does become our life line. thank you for being so open about your hurt. Most of us did not ask to be here but it must play an important part in our destiny. my advice is not to make any decisions that you are not ready for, take one day at a time and absorb all the strength from the love that this relationship gives you as you can. keep your eyes right open and play along until you’re ready to let go. I understand when you say: he has the ability to make me continue more and more with him. this is very hard to get out of. so easy to fall into this hole. I’ve been where you are. I’m still with my mm. it gets clearer with time. i’m sending you all my love. The tears you are shedding are good, although painful. Each time you cry, i believe, it makes you stronger for you are letting go with each tear. it is a series of steps, i will pray for your strength. You definitely do get stronger with time. Wait for it and then make your amazing step. xo

  358. haven't given him my heart YET Says:

    wow, I think I stumbled upon this forum for a reason. I’ve been hanging out with a mm for about a year now. I knew he was running around on his wife when we met(work). he is 27 and I and 25 with two small children. when their father and I split he started sending me texts asking if he could come visit. I was broken hearted and disgusted with men in general so
    I agreed. I had NO intentions of ever having an affair with him, I just wanted to see what his deal was. he started coming over a couple times a month on weekend nites. I was really curious about him and wanted to talk some sense into him more than anything. of course, being the bad boy that he is, he tried kissing me and I told him that wasn’t even an option. he said he respected that and I figured he’d stop coming around. well he didn’t. we became really good friends and instead of chasin women he’d come over and we’d stay up all nite talking and laughing. he said he loved his wife and kid more
    than anything, but regreted getting married
    at 19 when they found out thy were expecting.

    fast foward 7 months down the road from our first time meeting..
    I slept with him and totally went against everything I believe in. went to a cathlic school my whole life and my family would be horrified if they knew. I look
    foward to our nites alone w/him
    and nobody else. go on dates and end them early just so he and I can see each other. He told me recently that he’s cheated with several diff woman throughout their marriage but he never developedfeelings for them the way he has for me. we haven’t said ily to each other & I go back and forth between wanting to end things before it gets to that point. I know he probably sees other girls but I know he only has feelings for me. he doesn’t respect them. I’m on cloud nine when we are together, he’s a bad boy and I come from a well known, wealthy, catholic family. he thought I’d be stuck up like everyone else from our town is if they come from upper class. he tells me i’m unlike anyone he’s met and respects me even more
    for being humble and down to earth. he says often that I am one of the most beautiful, sexy, woman that he’s ever met. I don’t know if he is infatuated with me or has true feelings. I’m good at not falling for men but once i allow myself to, there’s turning back.
    I just don’t know what to do. I could very easily end up falling head. of heels in love. he also asked me recently if he could meet my 2 and 4 year old daughters. I told him no, but for him to ask, it just makes me believe that maybe he is starting to develop stronger feelings for me like he says he is.

    oh && he also met a couple of my close friend and wants to meet the more of them. especially my bff. where as b4, he wanted everything to be hush hush and not tell anyone. ughh why did he have to end up being so amazing

  359. It's not always bad!! Says:

    Hi all! I am 27 years old, have 2 kids (10 and 5) I am in healthcare admin, go to university for my Doctorate, and have a very full happy life. I am a very independant woman…now that you have my background and stats I will start my story.I have known my MM (age 45) for a year, and have been dating him for about 4 months now. I know his family, his kids (20, 16)are great, his wife is not a friend of mine. She puts MM down in publlic, complains about how much time he spends at work ( he has a high profile job), complains when he is home, is just a complete bitch to MM AND her sons. SO I have to say my dating MM is not weighing heavily on my mind. I love this man with all my heart, and I know he feels the same way. We are the truest meaning of soulmates and ment to be together) I also know he will not be leaving his wife any time soon. They have been married 24 years, and I think he fears change. LOL funny thing considering he found and persued me. Anyway although our relationship is secret we talk at least 3 times a day, we email throughout the day, and we IM every night. In the summer when my kids were away we saw each other once a day, and now that they are home we see each other every few days. I miss him like crazy when I don’t get to see him. I have an unbreakable rule that no man meets my kids…and I am sticking with it. Anyway my MM is the best relationship I have ever been in. We communicate openly about EVERYTHING. We see each other as much as possible. We have the best and most wonderful dates. He buys me flowers, candy, cards, he opens doors, pulls out my chair, etc. He is the ultimate gentleman. I just don’t understand why his wife does not see what a great person she has. I guess I could go on and on about how great he is, but you get the point. Not all relationships with MM are bad. You don’t always have to be second best. If you are both really in love, or if you both want the relationship to work it totally will. All relationships are hard, but if it is what you really want go for it! Just remember to manage your expectations, and make sure what you demand is attainable! Good luck to everyone.

  360. in secret Says:

    Well I am 20 yrs old and i have been dating an older married man who is the age of 40. he brings me so much happiness and no his wife doesnt know but others do we go out in public together and i know its wrong for being with him but its like he has voodoo or something on me everytime i get ready to leave its like i cant. am i over exaggerating trying to hard dumb stupid or what?? email me if possible peanacalata2006@yahoo.com

  361. Isolde Says:

    Dear Wendy..
    Thanks a lot for your words.
    yes,i believe all what I’m facing now is an experience that open my eyes to facts in our lives,I’m learning a lot about myself.
    i never thought before that i would go in such relationship in my life but the truth is you don’t choose to whom u give your heart and feelings.
    it was all at sudden.
    when i wrote my 1st post here was a day when i decided to end it with him,
    and here I’m still with him,talking everyday and can’t wait to see him again.
    i’m still traveling and still i have one whole month to see him.
    i sleep with the thought of him and i wake up thinking of him,even sometimes dreaming of him..eating,walking,with friends and still thinking,wishing he is with me.
    it’s a complete love,sometimes i wonder if he dose the same!!
    seeing couples kissing hugging is a torture for me then i miss him more than i do.
    so now u can imagine how it’s hard to forget him.
    i think always what dose the future hide for me!!
    now i’m setting all alone,needed to write a bit of my thoughts.
    hoping that one day we all will see the write path.

  362. Elise Ryan Says:

    hello all!
    I’m 23; he is 25. we work together & have mutual friends. They have been together since high school and besides that I don’t know much about her. Everyone knows that he is a ladys man and being married hasn’t stopped him from temptation. He hit on me a few times but I ignored him. I saw him out one night and knew a couple of the people with him. I was tipsy and feeling friendly so I actually sat down and had a conversation with him. To my surprise, we totally hit it off and he was a cool person (when I stopped judging the cheating husband side of him). Who was I to judge him anyway? I mean, he’s not my hubby or the hubby of someone I love…right? Well long story short, we are

    now really close now, I’m stupid for letting him charm me, I NEVEr planned on fallling in love. he feels like his wife could have been the rite person at the wrong time. He tells me I’m more than a fling and he loves me but-i’d be an even bigger fool to believe him, right? I’m pretty sure he still has other women on the side…even though he says I’m all he needs now that we are sleeping together. He constantly gets jealous when other men flirt with me. He is starting to ask me about being with other men(which I’m not) and I just laugh and tell him to relax. He responds with, “Oh baby, you don’t have to lie to me, I not mad!” He also knows that I’d think he’s lost his mind if he put limits on what sort of relationships I can have, considering he is married and all! He has a private life with his wife and I never ask questions out of respect. I honestly believe him when he tells me how he feels about me but…everytime he opens up, he distances himself. That’s what reall hurts me. it seems
    like the majority of woman on this post seem to have the most trouble dealing with the fact that their mm goes to bed and wakes up with his wife…sure that doesn’t exactly thrill me, but I expected that and accepted it from day one. never expected him to push himself away everytime he spilled his heart out, his true feelings for me, ect.
    I don’t know what to do bc I can’t imagine being happy, knowing that I’d never get to sleep in his arms again. I’m not ready for a “real” boyfriend right now. So every month, the reason I smile, is knowing that I get 3 or 4 nights to share with him. When I have dinner dates, all I think about is mm. I want him to miss me, think about me, dream about me, but he is
    starting to scare me. He doesn’t text me after 5 anymore and the ones he does send, are brief. Does anyone know how a MM ends things? I mean, i always find myself wondering how that works. Like, does he slowly stop talking to the other woman and hope she goes away? does he come right out and tell her? does he fear that she will contact his wife? I know of I were cheating on my spouse, I’d kiss a lot of ass to avoid blackmail. I personally would never do that; but I know with out a doubt, that it crosses every mm’s mind at some point.
    the last time we spent alone, things were different. I can’t help but think he’s found something new and doesn’t want to piss me off bc of the whole
    blackmail issue. I don’t need the drama in my life and would never EVER consider bm…but he doesn’t know this. Can anyone give me advice? I have nobody to seek advice from. none of my friends or family kNows how much invOlved we have become. Have yet to tell a soul that we are even sleeping together! trust me, Its killing me! I want to have a girls night in and give them
    all the details but I made a choice to keep it secret. somethings
    are better left unsaid anyway.
    I am so confused but for some reason I have no regrets. no matter what happens, this part of my life I will always cherish! I’ve learned a lot from it. hopefully, I learn a lot more too:)
    I must be ill!! lol
    I’m hoping someone on here can give me advice…praying…I have nowhere else to turn.

  363. Definitely not Pan Says:

    This has been great reading on this site. I’m am a real MM and have been in a difficult marriage where I’ve given it all I can and yet have seen the person I married change so significantly.

    There is a reason for troubled marriages and it isn’t that the guy is a jerk or a Peter Pan. Frankly what I have seen and now experienced is that you marry and commit to a person and they allow themselves to change for the worse….attitude, appearance, vision, creative energy and you wake up one day and it’s like they’ve replaced your wife with somebody else.

    But if the man isn’t in love with this essentially ‘new’ person, they are considered a ‘jerk’ for looking elsewhere?

    Sorry, but that dog is no longer hunting. There is a reason great guys look elsewhere. They have a lot to offer and want to find a person that they enjoy.

    Are there guys out there just looking for sex…sure of course. But those kind of users were like that prior to being married and just have a character flaw that isn’t dealt with.

    Should one of the good guys just up and bag his wife and upend his kids lives just so he can ‘date with integrity’? Give me a break…and get a clue.

    I’ve been looking for someone for awhile, and am perhaps on the cusp of dating…She knows I’m married and understands the dynamics. There is timing and a path for everything.

    In reading these posts there are those who understand this and approach the relationship honestly and with appropriate expectations and are having a great relationship with a great guy.

    To the rest of you, if you date a jerk, married or not, he’s still a jerk and you need to get a clue.

    And if you reading this and you are one of the angry wives…Take a look in the mirror. Are you the woman your husband married? Or have you gotten sloppy/dated/too comfortable/careless and become an altogether different person that he doesn’t really know anymore. Because if you have, then since your husband is essentially with someone ‘new’ he’s going to look to see who else is available.

  364. Nabeelah Says:

    RE: Puzzler

    Thank you for your post & your thoughtful words…

    To answer some of your questions about my situation:

    His wife is not entirely happy in there marriage thus for the separation, she is an amazing female as stated in my previous posts. I know she would not settle for less than she deserve thus she has mutually decided with him to separate even though her heart is still in there marriage.

    This situation will destroy her as she is very much in love with him, she has dedicated 10 years with him & trust me he isn’t an easy man to love his so complex it’s unbelievable. She says she is okay but as a female I feel her pain in her words & that fake sense of confidence we try to have when our world is crumbling down in front of our eyes & we cannot stop it… If she should find out about me & her husband my fear is that she won’t kick & scream about it she would just reach a point of silence because this would be too much to grasp as I am a trusted friend/ relative of hers. Aside from that the thought of someone you love (her husband) being in love with someone you also love (me) would be an unbearable torture. I mean at least as a cheated wife you want the opportunity to call the other female nasty names but what happens when you cant because you no that female to be so much more…

    Leading to your next statement, I don’t know if he loves me or if his in love with me, his so emotionally closed off I just don’t know…I feel it in his kiss & when he looks at me but he has never said it, the closes he gets is telling me his feelings are mutual to mine. But I’m a realist & that means nothing to me!

    Love is built on trust, respect & understanding if so I don’t think I love him either… because I don’t trust him if he can cheat with me he can cheat on me, I don’t respect his decision to cheat on his wife it says something about his character & as far as understanding goes I cant understand why he would allow me to give so much of myself when he isn’t willing to give me anything.

    To shed some light on the last part of your post yes indeed he will break my boundaries down & it’s important I anticipate this so if & when it does happen I will spend very little time analyzing & torturing myself over it. I won’t see that as a start to the affair again instead I will think of it as just one of those things that should occur before it’s all over.

    He doesn’t want to end things with me, he simply wants to live in the moment & explore this… If it was as simple as that why can’t we live these “moments” in front of everyone & as far as explore? I am all for that if he meant exploring more than sex ;-) not that I have a problem with that it’s just that there is so much more I want & need.

    I asked him to read the things I’ve posted which he did & he said he might actually just post something himself on this site, the words of the man above sounds so similar to something my mm would say… Selfish, cold & no mention of the women he is cheating with. The feeling of being invisible highlighted.

    Anyway the point to all this madness is really evaluating the situation & looking at it realistically most of the women on this site is young, attractive & independent by the sounds of it we can have so much better if we just open ourselves to the idea that hey this might not be love just infatuation even if not true it’s a damn good lie to tell yourself because it saves you so much wasted tears & pain. Another point to view this from is what should be, will be & very little energy is required from you to make your destiny happen.

    I will get through this because I am determined to… I no I deserve better than a few stolen moments… He calls me a “ice queen” that should tell him a lot about how much pain this situation has brought me that someone that started out as the warmest person could drift this far from her actual character.

    As for the MARRIED MAN above oh please that post set me off more than the MARRIED WOMEN DILEMA we had on this site, if your wife has changed sit back & think what you have done to contribute to that change as well… As for sounding like an ethical person for staying in the marriage for the commitment & kids sake yeah right we dating idiots on this site but we far from that… You stay for many other selfish reasons that has nothing to do with your wife or those kids, because if it was about them you would respect your wife enough to have an open dialogue with her because you trapping her in a sick marriage when if you left her you might have just given her the chance at a better marriage with someone deserving & as for the kids, kids are happy in healthy situations yours is clearly not so stop feeding yourself with so much “bull” shame you sad! I’m sorry if I’m harsh on you hence the title “ice queen”

    Oh & Puzzler please post more of your story I tried to search for it but I couldn’t find anything…

    XOXO
    Nabeelah

  365. madly tied up in knots Says:

    hi ladies: I’ve been in knots for ages about my situation and found this on the net. It explains alot to me about my own relationship with the mm. my gut is screaming and i needed to share this with you all. it may also put you in knots but that’s not a bad thing…:
    The majority of stalkers (unless you’re a public figure) are men we have known, who are stalking for romantic purposes. It could be someone we just met or someone we were in a relationship with. When we wish to end the relationship or not start one, we learn that he can’t accept it.
    Sadly, in recent years the stakes for resisting romantic advances has risen sharply. The movie industry has not helped with movies such as The Graduate and many others. The popular plot is that the man approaches a woman, she turns him down, he persists and persists and aggressively pursues her until he wears her down and she gives in. How romantic!
    This kind of mind set has taught us that when women say no, they really don’t mean it. Of course, we aren’t totally free of blame here, ladies. Some of us think it’s cute or coy to say no when we really mean: maybe, if you keep trying. When is a guy supposed to take you seriously? We should say exactly what we mean at all times- men are not necessarily fluent in the language of subtleties. No offence, men, neither am I.
    Now, of course, all men are different and some can accept a nice rejection and can be “let down easy”. But others read into a nice reject, that a woman is not absolutely sure about it. When the decision is made to end a relationship- or not pursue one. The break up should be done quickly and explicitly- no negotiation- no hope of reconciliation.
    Now, if you were in a long term relationship and he was never a controlling person, I think that perhaps more consideration would be appropriate (citing reasons, for instance). Where as, in a short term or a relationship with a controlling man, never explain why you are not interested in starting or why you are terminating the relationship. Simply state that it is over and you hope that he respects that.
    If a man argues or debates you, you should realize that you did make the correct decision breaking it off. You should not be in a relationship with a man who has no respect for your wishes or your judgment. These men need to realize that “No.” is a complete sentence. If he pulls you into a debate, you have not ended the relationship and he considers this a sort of victory. You must not continue any discussion. You are done.
    Unfortunately he may not be. At this point he may become a stalker. Do not flatter yourself, ladies. You do not have a man stalking you because you are special; you have a man stalking you because he is emotionally troubled. He will not accept “no”, but would like to have you tell it to him often, because to him your explaining how you are not interested in him is better than you’re ignoring him. He will be persistent!
    You need to understand that stalking is a crime of control, power and intimidation. They have total disregard for your wishes and will attempt to take away your freedom. If he calls and leaves twenty messages on your answering machine- ignore them- better yet, don’t listen. If you call him back to tell him to leave you alone, you have made contact and he learns that it takes 20 messages to get a call back from you. Even if the message says he wants to get together to say good-bye- do not respond!
    Don’t ask a friend- male or female- to speak to him in your behalf. He would interpret this as your being too conflicted to do it in person and would continue his pursuit. Eventually he should lose interest, but every time you make any kind of contact the cycle starts fresh. Regrettably- for some other woman, he may actually need to find another victim to attach himself to before he fully lets go.
    How do we avoid these men? We need to recognize their strategies early:
    • Acting pathetic to elicit our sympathy or guilt
    • Offering unsolicited help, putting us in their debt
    • Calling on supposed or imagined promises or commitments
    • Jealousy- isolating you from friends and family
    • Annoying you until you give in
    • Use of fear or intimidation
    These men are looking for women who can’t say “No” and mean it. One of the first tests when meeting a potential victim is to offer her something, perhaps a drink. If she says “no” he will insist and try to persuade her to change her mind and pass his test. Let this be your test also. If you say no and he disregards that, then perhaps he just flunked your test! Red alert, gals, red alert! Just walk away. Avoiding the entire mess in the first place is way better than trying to get rid of him later!
    Remember a first date is like an audition, for both of you. Of course these men can be very charming at first, but does he try to change your mind about anything? Is he unwilling to accept no for an answer? If the conversation leans toward former relationships, is he reluctant to accept some of the responsibility for the break up? Is he still invested in it? Has he had many instances of “love at first sight”? A yes answer to some or all of these questions should at least give you pause.
    This site has given me so much awareness. Thank you

  366. Wendy Says:

    You sound to me like you think you are GOD himself!

  367. wendy again Says:

    sorry, that was meant for Definately not Pan…

  368. puzzler Says:

    It seems to be an addiction, that’s more than an infatuation.
    Hello Nabeelah: WELCOME BACK. I responded to you back in July 17th. thank you for your story.It sounds so complicated with family involved. Man can I relate to you, especially your paragraph:
    He doesn’t want to end things with me, he simply wants to live in the moment & explore this… If it was as simple as that why can’t we live these “moments” in front of everyone & as far as explore? I am all for that if he meant exploring more than sex ;-) not that I have a problem with that it’s just that there is so much more I want & need.
    Herein is the dillemma…
    I appreciate your mind Nabeelah. Your respect, integrity, honesty, Your attitude toward that Definately not Pan bloke. My mm is very content with the current situation but I am needing more than a fling every few nights… i change around him. it feels so right when we are together but when we are apart, my gut screams out… something’s not right! he is so in love with me but half the time, i think it’s just the body he wants… I’ll be back, run out of time. Truly, your posts help me so much. thanks for sharing.

  369. puzzler Says:

    I have read and re read your last post Nabeelah and it sounds like you have a real ass hole. You sound like such a caring person and he is taking you for a ride. it gets so hard once we give them our all. I found I could never give him my all, bc of his wife in the picture and although they’ve separated, he still is tied to her, not kids but financial, i think she has controlled him in many ways but he’s consented to that… My mm is a softy, unlike yours by the sounds of it. I can not give of my love fully to him because of her still too close. he is ten years my senior which makes him a lot more experienced than me in the relationship field. i can not leave him, I am also a softy, but not as soft as him. I am honest and adhere to the Universal Values. I can never respect what he has done to his wife either (cheated behind her back). Although we are parties, we are NOT the guilty ones, they are the ones with partners still attached. they are the ones living a lie, we’ve just got caught up with that bc we are vulnerable to love. The timing you got involved with him was extremely vulnerable. I also come out of a 16year abusive relationship (i have children of my own). we both fell into this relationship, not intentionally, well, that was not my intentions but when we both need,we both fall. i like to believe he needed me, it seems that way still.. my mind plays tricks on me bc of the disconnection we experience due to not being able to be together. I believe that if we have a secret relationship that nobody knows about, then it gives them the opportunity to be the only voice (in this dilemma) in our heads. My therapist tells me he is a controller but I won’t believe that… She is not in my shoes and this kind of relationship is a real journey for both of us. it is a series of steps before we come to closure or atleast know what we both want. I am hoping that times comes soon.

  370. Julia Says:

    I to am dating a married man. I have known him for a few years, but didn’t really know him. We were out in a bar one night and hooked up. At first I thought it to be a one night stand. After a week he called me and thanked me for that night. He really needed it, as he was having big troubles at home.
    Well now 4 months later I am still with him. He has been honest to me through it all. He has never lied, or pretended anything, or promised me the world. He says he would never leave her, as he worked to hard for everything he has to lose it all. As she owns half of everything. I tell him material things can be replaced. Love can’t. He’s already told me he’s in love with me, and I am in love with him. He’s like an addiction I cannot go without. He spends the night with me atleast once a week, he calls me several times a day, and we see each other almost everyday. So he does make an effort. I know his wife is an alcoholic, but has just recently started AA after 25 years of being drunk everyday.
    In the long run, I ask if we get caught what will happen? He says we won’t as long as we are careful. He had an affair 10 years ago, and got caught and was going to leave his wife, except, the girl didn’t want him. I told him I do. I have given myself 6 months to be in this, then give him the ultimatum, her or I. And for now, that’s all I can do! I just hope I can walk away when the time comes!

  371. Best of luck to you Says:

    NABEEELAH

    You sound like a woman with a lot going for yourself. Trust me, you need to do whatever it takes to cut all comm. w/this man. Men come and go but family is forever. In the end, it\’s your family who will be at your side or come to your rescue. Not some married man who keeps you a secret from the rest of the world.

  372. Done with him Says:

    THIS IS THE BRUTAL TRUTH LADIES.

    Relationships that start off in deception usually end in deception. When a woman gets involved with a married man, she turns a blind eye to the fact that he is a cheater and an unreliable partner. She sees only what she wants to see and believes only what she wants to believe. She acknowledges the fact that he is cheating on his wife with her, but refuses to see that she too is a victim of his selfish behavior- choosing to make herself his victim. Men rarely leave their wives and family for their mistresses, which means that they string their mistresses along, having them believe that one day they will both be together with no more hiding around. Mistresses hang on to this fantasy, believing that their married lover truly loves them and will eventually be with them and this begins a long journey of emotional pain, emptiness and endless waiting.

    Most man-mistress relationships do not get that far though and majority of the times, he will not leave his marriage for his mistress. He may believe at one point that he will, but his feeling of responsibility and need to be loyal to his wife and family take over and he therefore does not leave. Most men have affairs because of communication problems in their marriage or an empty gap that has grown in their marriage and they are unsure on how to approach. They long for good happy company again without complications, and an affair is a good escape for them- but it does not last forever

  373. Cannot give him up Says:

    What you all say is true, but when your in the relationship it’s hard to end it when your in love. Yes they do tell you what you want to hear, and they make you feel great. I know all that. But when your with someone, who makes you feel like your 16 year olds in puppy love it does feel so damn good. I love my mm, and he does love me. He doesn’t hide me to much. He meets me for a beer, comes to my house often, takes me for drives, stays all night. He don’t care when he’s with me.
    He’s like an addiction you cannot get enough of. Which is the hardest part for most of us to say good-bye! It’s getting over the broken heart, as we know it’s wrong what we are doing, but we still do it.

  374. Isolde Says:

    It’s the 3rd day without contacting him,
    we had long chat about us and the future,talking realistically as always but this time we were thinking deeper,
    he was telling me that he hates himself knowing that he can’t give me the time i deserve,he feels that it’s not fair to me.
    and asking me to search for the right man..
    he killed me thousand times with these words..
    now i’m so hurt..i don’t know what should i feel now..
    sometimes i’m so confused..dose he love me really?
    or am i only the woman who gives him the feelings he misses with his wife?
    should i feel used by him?
    3 days now almost without sleeping,can’t eat,heartache,crying again and again,dose he suffer as much as i do now?!
    i can’t stop my brain thinking of him.
    i can’t imagine that i must stop it with him,
    i’m like dead because of these 3 days..my proud stops me calling him.
    i ask u all to pray for me..i’m deeply in pain.
    i wish i never met him..i turned to other person since i started with him,i wish i can get back myself again,
    but i truly love him!

  375. Lady Says:

    Hi All…I am seeing a married man…I have lost my because I honestly love him…He’s the sweetest man I ‘ve ever dealt with. We spend 85% of our free time together. We do family funtions and events together…He never said he’ll leave his wife, but he dont neglect me..Im so confused…

  376. Julia Says:

    Lady I hear you. As that’s my situation also. My mm spends alot of his free time with me also. Calls me everyday, spends time with me. He don’t just come for a booty call all the time. We do things, have a beer, laugh, talk, he takes me on his Harley alot. He spends the night with me.
    Mine also tells me he won’t leave his wife either. it is confusing and its a hard web to get out of. I get mixed emotions, and get confused.
    One thing though, we are totally honest, and he is very upfront about his feeling toward me. He has never lied to me, and dont hide things from me. That’s what makes it the hardest!

  377. PhxRN4 Says:

    I, like many of you am in the same situation, just a little bit different. I started dating my mm 8 months ago. My mm did leave his wife, but he left her because of her and not for me, and I was not a secret to anyone, including her. My mm actually moved in with me and we started a wonderful relationship. All his friends liked me and our children got a long very well. Other than having to shuffle around 6 kids, which was a little hard at times, things were great. He was going through a divorce in which she filed for. About 2 months ago, she called him stating that she had cancer. He and I talked about this and how this could affect us. About 2 weeks later he told me that he felt morally obligated to go back to her and to be there for her and his kids. He told me that he loved me to death, that I was his world, that he had waited a lifetime for me, and that I was the most incrediable women he had ever been with. He often said he did not know what he did to deserve me. So he left and I was devasted. He came back a week later and took most of his things. We still talked almost every day, normally sharing tears and feelings. He was trying to be the best person he could be in a messed up situation. So, a few weeks ago, we had a major fight and he came to get the rest of his stuff, only he didn’t take it all. I sat around my house for weeks, crying, and in a very dark place. I didn’t eat for 3 weeks, but I could use to lose some weight anyways. Today, I’m still grieving and it’s very hard. I love this man with all my heart and soul and I know he loves me. There was no indications from him that he was pulling away. We had spent a wonderful weekend away, having a great time, discussing everything just days before he left. He’s scared and I can understand why. The bottom line here is: I doubt his wife knows how he feels about me because if he had shared that, I doubt she would take him back, however he made a choice for whatever his reason is. He’s been here 2 times now to “get his things” and in my opinion he’s leaving stuff here on purpose for later. Does anyone agree with me or am I crazy? One of the things he said to me rings in my head every day. Those words were, “somewhere down the road”. I can’t believe I even got stuck in this situation, like many of you, and it isn’t easy. I have not had any contact with him in 3 weeks and I did see him last week, while he was picking his kids up from school, but he does not know that I saw him. I know for a fact that he saw me.

  378. Stephanie Says:

    Hi. I’m 24 and about 5 months ago, I moved from a small town to the city. My last relationship was 9 months before, and it was the last time I had sex. He was single, but he wasn’t faithful and he couldn’t commit to me. Even though I ended the relationship, I was left heartbroken. So when I moved to the city, I decided to start fresh with my life and hopefully meet a man who deserved me. Well that didn’t happen.

    I started a new job and was instantly attracted to my boss. At first I didn’t know he was married, because he doesn’t wear a wedding ring. But after some digging around I found out he was married, but his wife lived in France. Although I had my eyes set for him, I really didn’t think anything would ever happen between us, because getting involved with another man who couldn’t commit to me was the last thing I needed. But since I’m new to the city and he’s lived here for the past 13 years, we got to talking and next thing I knew we were out for drinks after work. He was honest about his marriage and after a few drinks we ended up sleeping together. I felt ashamed, but I was so lonely and I let my sexual desires come first.

    We’ve now been dating 1.5 months, and let me tell you, I already feel a deep connection for him. It isn’t just sex either. He takes me on the best dates…concerts in the park, dinners on rooftops, the works!

    But things are not all fun and games. I got pregnant. Yes, it was stupid and obviously unplanned, but the first time we had sex we didn’t use a condom. I am not ready to be a mother and I couldn’t bare to give up my child to adoption so shamefully I decided to have an abortion. I called him as soon as the doctor confirmed my pregnancy and before I told him my decision, I let him process what we were dealing with. When I told him I was not going to keep it, he said he’ll be there for me and we’ll get through this together. He was very supportive during the whole thing…picked me up at 7 a.m., waited the whole time, went out and bought Tylenol to prevent a fever, Motrin for the pain, maxi pads for the aftermath… everything. Even though I knew this was the time to call it quits, since it was too painful and nothing good can obviously come of our relationship, it didn’t work out that way. Because after all was said and done, our relationship turned from heated passion and fun to friendship and deep connection.

    Now let me briefly tell you about his marriage. He met his wife about 3 years ago, and they just got married in January. However, they don’t live together and never have. He is 33 and she is 22. He lives in the U.S. and she lives in France, for school. The worst part is, is that she never wants to move here for him and he won’t move there because of his job. I don’t understand why they got married in the first place. He said a lot of it had to do with their families. They come from the same nationality and since their families are so close, she might of felt pressured to go along with it. However, it was NOT an arranged marriage. At first he told me that in the future, he eventually wants to make it work with her, but now is not the time, considering they live a whole ocean apart. However, after us spending so much time together, growing close from what we’ve been through and me filling in the place of her, he’s starting to talk about ending his marriage because SHE doesn’t want to make it work and it’s too hard for him. I can’t help but understand and feel his pain. However, even though they are physically separated, that is THEIR business, and I am a threat to their marriage. I don’t want to hurt her, him or myself. I finally told him two days ago, I can’t do it anymore. Even though she’s not here, she is still first, and I can’t live being second. I want more. I deserve more. He understood and said he wants me to be happy, can’t stand hurting me and it’s not fair to anyone, but he isn’t ready to let me go. He wants to be friends and just wants me to give him some time so he can figure out what he needs to do. But where does that leave me in the meantime? I want to let him go but I’m starting to fall in love. My life is in shambles. Please help.

  379. PhxRN4 Says:

    Stephanie:

    The guy I was seeing said the same things to me when he went back to his wife because she has cancer. He told me that he didn’t know what to do and that he needed me to give him time and space so he could sort things out. All of my friends told me to not have any contact, however I did the exact opposite. Now, I have no contact at all and haven’t had in over 3 weeks. It’s not easy. I can only tell you that I am completely in love with this man and he says I’m his world and that no one has ever loved him like I do. For me, I’m moving on. Yeah, he’s keeping a foot in the door here by leaving a few things behind, but that doesn’t mean that I’m putting my life on hold. I have kids to raise and I’m back doing the things I enjoy doing. I have to live my life and make myself happy. If/When our paths meet later “down the road”, we will see what happens. For now, I have to keep positive and not sit around and wait. So, I’m giving him exactly what he wants, time to sort things out, the only difference is, I’m not sitting at home crying buckets of tears anymore. I’m enjoying my friends, going out, and being with my kids. I wish you well.

  380. Stephanie Says:

    PhxRN4,

    Thanks for responding…I remember reading your post. Although your situation is quite different from mine, we’re all in the same boat. We both have to wait to see how things turn out.

    My mm and I did decide to put things on hold “while he figures it out” but we work together. I don’t want to quit my job, but there is no escape from him. Even tonight (we worked together) he said things like “i miss you already” and “i wish we could hang out later”. I was like, you can’t say things like that to me, because I’m hurting and it’s messing with my mind. He doesn’t make sense! One second he says he needs time to get his life together and then he says stuff like that. He contradicts himself. I’m going to stay strong and stick to my guns, because I honestly don’t think I can ignore what we’re dealing with and give in. I don’t want to be that girl who strings along for 1, 2, 3 plus years while he is “figuring it out”. I don’t want to push him and I certainly don’t want him to leave his wife for me but he can’t have his cake and eat it too. I deserve more than that. Thanks for listening and I’m sorry that you are going through this too.

  381. Isolde Says:

    Dear Nabeelah,dear all.

    i do agree that this site helps me a lot,reading all messages here.
    sometimes i read them while crying so i feel better,or even write as i do now..
    i don’t know how long it will take me to feel better,but i hope soon because i think it affects my health.
    yesterday we spoke i asked him not to contact me anymore i need to recover,he told me he dosen’t want to lose me,and he wants to keep in contact..
    i really can’t,i want to take him out of my mind,heart and all my body.
    yesterday’s call was a farewell call..”still i can’t believe it”
    i tried to hold myself not to cry,i told all what i feel of bad and good feeling for him..
    i asked him to forget about me and let me do too..
    he said he can’t forget me and that i’m spacial to him because he learnt a lot through me.
    the thing i didn’t tell here is that i’m married getting my divorce..it’s 8 years marriage with 5 years old girl,and i have a lot of problems concerning this divorce.
    i need to get back my strength to concentrate on my child she’s a great girl.
    my biggest problem now that my mind is playing back all the nice moments i had with “mm”
    i cry a lot for him and for my whole situation now…
    marriage problems started 4 years ago..a lot of things was broken between me and my husband..we got married really early we were both 21..
    i got my girl when i was 24..
    i have changed a lot the last years..i’m not anymore the 21 years girl..i became so different than my husband,3 years ago i asked him for my divorce because i can’t be that good wife to him anymore,i felt so responsible because i can’t give all the rights he needs from me.
    i met “mm’ only last November he knew about my problems and he told me about his “small problems” with his wife too..
    we were going back to my home after our work almost everyday..talking and talking..i liked his way of thinking..and so fast i fell in love with him..i didn’t want a fiscal contact as i felt still committed to my husband who didn’t give my divorce yet..also because i never had a relationship before or after my husband..he was the only man i had in my life..he was my boyfriend since i was 16..
    but things turned so passionate between me and “mm”..
    i couldn’t resist him anymore and we slept together..he was telling me how he feels that i’m still virgin..i learnt things with him i never had with my husband..and to be honest i had a big problem with my husband having sex..i hated it with him,i though i had a problem myself with sex..
    but i don’t..i discovered this with “mm”..he give me in general a lot of feeling that i missed with my husband.
    my husband is living in a different country for working..
    we meet sometimes for our child..he’s still convincing me to continue our marriage but i’m not able to..i don’t love him anymore and i can’t continue with him..
    i stopped having sex with him since almost a year..
    i think you all can imagine how i felt so connected to “mm”
    i felt he is my husband..that’s why we were trying to remind ourselves with our realities which was a torture for me.
    he was trying to live our relationship taking the good of it and he asked me to do the same..but i couldn’t stand it.
    i couldn’t stand that he had to leave me everytime he was with me to go to his wife..
    i couldn’t understand why did he start this whole thing with me while he dosen’t have such big problem with his wife..
    he tells me because he loves me!!
    but how come men can love other woman while they are happy in their lives??”this was the main problem between me and him”
    i wrote a lot here today..i feel better writing this now and i will try write more other time.hoping that i will be feeling better than now.

  382. puzzler Says:

    Even though he called it off… he’s continuing to send sms’s to my phone. i hate this game. it’s either on or it’s off and it’s impossible to stay friends once you’ve experienced passionate love: communication and physical intimacy. i’ve reached the point where I want time to focus on what i want to, not him and i get cross with my children when he is in my head and i’m always feeling i have to contact him or have him over. He was there in my deepest grief: making things better for me but i don’t think I’ve really had the chance to hit rock bottom so now is the time for me to go there. Yes, he’s always leaving things at my place too so that he has an excuse to come back… I really know where you are Isolde and you will get stronger. This relationship is a journey: a series of events before you’re strong enough to stay standing. Things do get easier, bc we get tougher. Take care cos i think you’re amazing sharing so much of your story and feelings with us.

  383. Miss Independent Says:

    there is an incredible post on the 14th June by “dear noname from me to Joanie” I did not write it but whoever did has put loads of thought into it and it’s obvious she has gone through the ups and downs of the same situation as us all. it’s worth re reading. I think You will benefit from it Isolde. I feel your pain and am crying with you. This is heart wrenching being without them when you’ve been so close. They truly do become your best friend. I hope you’re keeping strong but if you’ve gone back, it’s ok, just not the right time to end it yet. You must reach the stage where you’re strong enough.

  384. isolde Says:

    Dear Puzzler,Dear “Miss independent”:

    Thank you both so much for supporting me.
    as we are all in the same boat i hope that one day we all find ourselves..i’m sure that we deserve something better something that it’s real,can see the light and have a normal future as normal relationships.
    i did read the post on 14th June several times..it touched me a lot that i want to write down all these reminders so i can read it anytime i think of him,this’s exactly what i lost with him”dignity and proudness” my close friend was telling me that i was lowering myself accepting all hard conditions for him.
    today is the 1st day without crying but in general i feel so weak i have pain all over my body and heart,so exhausted and complete emptiness.
    now i need to get rid of all what reminds me of him..i need to delete him of my contact lists in the chats but still something stops me to do.
    end of this month i will maybe see him because of my work,i wonder how it’s going to be!
    i’m broken into pieces because of both my endless divorcing problems and this problem.
    i went the last 2 days meeting friends until late just to avoid thinking.
    i’m glad i found this site i read the posts here all the time and i wait for any of you replies.it gives me a lot of support and strength.i even want to ask if any of you would like to chat with me i think this would even help more.please let me know.
    thank you all

  385. Skeptical Says:

    Hi all,
    I\’m new to this… As I read all your posts, I can so relate. No one, other than you all (and the MM) know about what I\’m doing. I\’ve been going through a divorce, which is almost final. I\’ve known this MM at work for the past few years, and about a month ago.. we started talking. We would talk for hours and found out how much we\’ve had in common- we\’ve just clicked, our emotional chemistry was intense. We can\’t get enough of talking to each other, texting, etc.. This isn\’t anyone that I was interested and went after, it just happened. He\’s older, mature, attentive, intuned to my needs. He\’s given me something I\’ve never had in any relationship- complete respect, consideration, effort, attention, support, and the closest emotional intimacy I\’ve ever had. He makes me feel incredible. He tells me he\’s being completely honest with me.. as he told me things that he knows make me put up a red flag, even though he\’s aware that it does (i.e. has cheated before, the last girl left him b/c he wouldn\’t leave his family). I want to believe him, but.. I\’m skeptical. Logic tells me otherwise. He knows this and understands why. My head questions, what am I doing? And yet my heart can\’t let go. I\’ve never felt this close before. As I find myself getting closer, and falling in love with him.. I start feeling insecure when I don\’t hear from him (i.e. on the weekends for example, even though I know he\’s with his family).. he knows this.. I feel like ok, here it comes, it\’s over. This was a dream. I\’ve told him I want him to be completely honest with me, no matter if he thinks it will hurt me. I try to tell myself to stay in the moment, but it\’s hard not to think ahead and envision all the hurt. But again, I can\’t let go. He really is an amazing man. He says he doesn\’t have the connection with his wife anymore, but has no bad feelings toward her, and that she\’s a good mother to their teenage child. He has yet to tell me he plans on leaving her. Oh, but he did tell me.. he has been looking for another job..way before us, which could take him out of state. Our relationship has been more about the emotional intimacy, which has lead us to having some (not complete) physical intimacy. I feel badly about the whole thing, yet I feel soooooo good with him. Help!

  386. Lauren Says:

    wow, thanks for pointing out the June 14th post! it’s very eye opening and simply the best advice I’ve read!! good luck babes!!

  387. Lindz Says:

    You guys are the best. <3

    It’s so refreshing to see all of the reality of life.

    We should have a BBQ hahaha

    -Lindz

  388. Julia Says:

    Wow, the June 14th entry is pretty intense, and hits the spot for alot of people.
    I did something this weekend that pissed my mm off. I went away for a night with another guy. He called me a few times. and left me a message on my cell phone. He was upset that he couldn’t get ahold of me. I did call him back, and said I was going to a function out of town with friends. He knew I was driving with another guy though. And did I care at the time no!
    Now yesterday, my mm called me to see if I was home yet. Told him I was on my way back home. Well he called again, after I was back. I was out running errands, and he said he was at my house on his bike waiting for me. He took me for a long ride on his bike. We went out of town, and had a nice talk. I questioned him on being cranky on the phone with me, and leaving me a smart ass voice mail. His answer was he was drinking and wasn’t mad. He told me I am my own person and can do as I like. I told him that’s right. Unless he’s ready to make a decision, I will continue to do as I please now. But I don’t sit around waiting for him to call all the time. I have taken off a few times and gone out with other people for dinner or a drive or whatever. And when I do, reality does kick in to him.
    Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, and am faithful to him, but you have to draw the line at times. And I don’t tell him who I’m with or what I’m doing. That’s when the ball goes in my court. Now yesterday he spent the whole day and evening with me. I didn’t invite him in last night, which I normally do. Nor did he ask to come in. Now he did call me 3x last night. I will see him tonight for awhile, but I do everyday anyway. He’s planning on spending the weekend with me now. So I do have him thinking. Now am I going to wait around and sit by the phone no. As I live by my rules now. And that ladies is what we have to start doing to these men. And it makes them think. I have it a little better then some on here though, as most times mine will start a fight with his wife so he can take off and not have to make an excuse. He will stay with me all night, and go out of his way to see me everyday. Whether it’s for an hour, or 3 hours. I don’t have sex with him everytime we are together either. But we do talk alot.

  389. Skeptical Says:

    Ok, so I tried something similar with my MM yesterday. He has been coming over in the mornings for a short visits (times when he\’s normally gone from his house anyway). That\’s the only times I see him on the weekends. I started getting annoyed, feeling like I\’m 2nd. So yest. he asked if he could come over this am and I told him we\’ll see. He wasn\’t used to me saying that, called, and I was \”not myself\” on the phone. He asked what was wrng, but I said nothing. So then I expected him to come over this am- he didn\’t. I sent a text asking if he was coming, he said he wasn\’t. I told him I wanted him to, but he still didn\’t and told me to call him. So I did. We talked for a long time. He told me his mind was wondering all sorts of things since he didn\’t know what was wrong or what he did. He was thinking the worst. Thought i needed space. Doesn\’t want to hurt me. I said, I need reassurance and to have more time with u besides a morning visit (we also see each other at work). I need to know i\’m important, special. We\’ve had such a strong connection (emotional, not just pysical). I dont\’ want to lose him, yet I don\’t want him to think this is good enough. He knows I\’m scared of getting hurt. Logic tells me one thing, heart says another.

  390. Julia Says:

    I hear you there skeptical! My mm is a little different in ways. He’s more laid back and easy going. Don’t get me wrong, he does get jealous, and gets mad when I do things, but in the end, he knows he cannot. I told him I am doing nothing wrong. Which I am not. But until he makes a decision, I will do as I please. I also don’t work with him either, which makes a big difference!
    And we are all scared of getting hurt. My head tells me to run, but my heart tells me to stay. We all get into this turmoil, and don’t know what to do. Atleast I have a couple of friends who know, and I can talk to them. One tells me to run, before I get hurt. But it’s far too late for that.

  391. anon Says:

    Julia, you sound like an extrovert. I love that you don\’t tell him everything. this has worked for me as well. They tend to prove themselves a great guy to you more when they think they could loose you. i loved hearing your mm\’s response when he knew you went out with another guy… that was excellent medicine for him. he\’s got a wife and we can only trust what they say, we don\’t really know what goes on at home with his wife. so much trust is needed for this relationship to work. my mm panics when he can not contact me or i don\’t get back to him after a short while. he wants me to be at his beck and call but this is the worst thing we can do ladies, once they know where we are and where our places are we give ourselves to them and we are yearning for them, they then take their space… because they know they have secured us (specially the day after sex: that\’s when we are most in love with them) but when we keep living our free life (with friends if we have them) it makes our mm prove himself to be the best guy even more. they want to be our only voice in our heads but don\’t let them be… it creates a dependency on them…sorry for the rave but your post brought back stuff for me Julia. thanks :-)

  392. Julia Says:

    No problem Anon! That\’s what I love about this place. We can bitch and say it how it is! I\’m glad someone else is like me though. At first when I took off on him, I felt really bad. But then, I thought why should I? He is at home, cannot get out, so why the hell should I stay home. And since I got that attitude, he\’s been great. Although since we started, he\’s been pretty good. Although since I started being my own person again, I get phone calls all the time, and he sees me pretty much everyday. So it works. And he knows I\’m not going to sit around. I do have a life besides him.

  393. skeptical Says:

    You go girl! That’s a great attitude to have! I’m not going to sit around either and wait (though truthfully, there’s no one I rather be with than MM). The said thing is, I don’t have anyone else to really go out with. Though I’ve had a few guys at work come in my office and I’m hoping this makes him jealous or at least realize he could lose me. No one knows what’s going on, so I think I’ll have to go out with some guys, otherwise people are going to start to wonder what’s the matter with me! Sometimes, I wonder that myself. As you said, Julia, head says run, heart says stay! It’s a constant struggle! Helps to have all ur feedback.

  394. Julia Says:

    That’s right skeptical. The feedback is a great help. I’m glad your not going to sit around anymore either. It does feel good when you do it also. At first you will get the guilt feeling, but don’t, you are doing nothing wrong! You will find someone to go out with. Even if it’s just for coffee or lunch. Even lie and go out with a girlfriend for coffee, and say it’s a guy. It all works!

  395. Miss Independent Says:

    Dear Isolde,
    We can never find ourselves, we create who we are. The past can not be changed, the future is unknown, it’s today we need to work with. I am wondering how you are going? Your story touches my heart. I am sending you strengths daily. I also went through the courts with my ex. kept feeling like i was hitting my head up against a brick wall. We’re now sharing the kids which creates a lot of mess but my mm has got me through the worst of it. I appreciate him for that.

  396. Isolde Says:

    Dear Miss Independent,

    I’m trying to keep hold on,i miss him badly these days
    it’s more than 10 days now.i even see him in my dreams!
    i do remind myself every min of the realty,i want to feel well again.
    my profession is related to art,and it doesn’t help me forgetting him,end if this month i will share the same place with him and u have no idea how it’ll hurt to be in the same place with him.
    i don’t cry anymore but i have heartache all the time.
    i saw a photo of him by coincidence and i couldn’t breath.
    the only good thing of traveling the end of this month is i’ll be a bit away of my divorce problems so i can take care of my daughter.

  397. isolde Says:

    He contacted me again this evening..he was telling me how he missed me the last days and was thinking of me a lot,he told me it’s not easy for him to forget about me.
    i’m crying a lot again so happy and so scared,i wish i can hold him now.
    he wants to meet me once i arrive,i don’t know how to resist!!
    this’s a real torture.

  398. isolde Says:

    Dear Puzzler,
    Yes he did contact me..i just wrote it the last post.
    i really don’t know what to do now!!

  399. Miss Independent Says:

    Hi, I wish i had the answers for you babe… I could not resist, you sound too raw. I remember that intensity and far out… when you do make love again…it\’s amazing. the chemistry…the time away really adds spark. I remember, and it still is like this… when you\’ve had a long break and argued a breakup, the craving to be together again is magnified and coming together again for the first couple of times is amazing but then, for some reason, it gets boring again… it\’s that niggling doubt because his wife is in the picture and reality sinks in. why can\’t they just leave.? aaahh no but it isn\’t that easy for them either. They have more to loose and havn\’t reached that stage yet. I can only speak from my own experience. You said you wish you could hold him now… This tells me you are not ready to leave him hun… don\’t worry if you go back… don\’t put yourself down over it. the temptation is far too great if the opportunity is there. I sometimes think they love you more when you\’ve built up some walls. sounds like you still have things to grow from. this relationship is torture. always looking for an opportune time and fitting it in whenever you can. it takes up your life while you\’re in it because it\’s an addiction, a dire need and once we\’ve experienced it, we can not let go too easily. i always said i would not miss my ex bc i was lonelier with him than without him. it\’s ecstasy to feel loved all over like that, specially if you\’ve never experienced connected love making. we need it otherwise we wouldn\’t be in this position. I wish i had answers for you, i really do but i don\’t even have answers for myself. These situations on this site are so similar… i do honestly believe we have to wade through it… to end it before we\’re ready IS torturous. it\’s hard working out which is worse: this or being alone?? Each time we get to the point of deperation, we become stronger. Take each day as it comes, try not to think of tomorrow sis… There\’s too much wood in front of us to see the trees yet… we need to wait and see how things go but oh the pain and guilt. I got to the point of telling him not to ring me when he was on his way home from work to his wife… it was too painful for me and i could not enjoy talking to him knowing he was going home to her… i\’m out of time… all the best. :-)

  400. Julia Says:

    Miss Independent, that is so true what you are saying. The connection we feel with these men, the love and desire, it’s hard to let go.
    Isolde, don’t feel bad if you go back. We’ve all done it. I did it 5 years ago when I went out with a MM. and I kept going back, as he kept me in his web. It went on for almost 2 yrs. Only he kept ignoring me, promising to see me and wouldn’t show up. I went back 5x before I said F*** You! So we’ve all done it, and don’t feel bad for being wanted, and need that gap felt. I said after that one I would never date a MM again. And 3 yrs later here I am in the same boat again. Only this time, I do have it a lot better then the last one, as this one makes time for me almost everyday.
    We get wiser with time, and when the time comes as hard as it is, we do let go, but until that time comes, we are all in the same boat..

  401. puzzler Says:

    Deart Isolde,
    they know when you’re weak. they know you’ll be dying for them after a few days off… so bit by bit, they lure you back. When i wrote you last, the one where you said he’d contacted you had not appeared on my screen.

    My mm worries that I go from full of passion to hate in a few days… we women are carrying so much in our minds, trying to juggle it all. they have us to themselves but we have to share them. they can not enter into our mind turmoil as much as they say they understand and thank us for our patience. we can see their situation clear as day. they are still too emotionally close. they need the distance. my mm gets the runs every time he has to deal with her. i tell him, it’s him letting go but he’s still too connected to her for my comfort. what i don’t understand is WHY they choose to cheat?

    always remember that they are the lucky ones to get to share our world. millions of women would not put up with it as long as we have. they have another life that we’re not part of. this sux!

    the things i struggle with are:
    # Take things as they come, don’t ever press for answers or change.
    # Never make ultimatums that you don’t intend to follow through on.

    We need so much deathly patience ladies…

    i think we’re all amazing.! Julia, you’re right when you say we get stronger with time. that is very true. the dimension changes. we either grow away (bc we need to be independent to survive as they’re not there when we need them: this is our advantage) OR the relationship we have with them gets deeper. They’re the ones who are trapped. we are free. that’s what they’re in love with: our freedom. Don’t let them take that away from you. try your hardest NOT to ‘rescue’ them and only contact them when ‘you’ want to. that ain’t selfish! make them do the chasing, as hard as that is. make them wait on you for a bit.

  402. isolde Says:

    Dear Puzzler,Julia,Miss independent,

    it’s the 3rd day we talk and chat once more,he’s telling me how sad he feels now because he adds to my divorcing problems,
    we always have a webcam while talking and he turned off today because he tells me as all people telling me now that i have sad eyes and he can’t see me this way.
    this’s the truth…i’m not happy person these days,i’m struggling and trying to solve problems plus my hopeless love to him.
    i can’t smile and have fun “this’s normal”.
    i was telling him today how i miss him,and he has always most strange answers,2 days ago was telling me how he misses me and today he didn’t want to answer me back he only said “i can’t give it back as you do!!”he even stopped telling me that he loves me and saying instead “he is happy to have me in his life!!” and “i’m special person to him!!”
    anybody here can translate this to me?..i really don’t understand this schizofrenia!
    he wants to see me..ok!!! so what?!!!what do u want from me then?!!
    i have a friend of mine who always tell me that “i’m like a ring in his finger” take me off and put me back only when he wants!
    he is so scared of our too close relationship.

    Dear Julia you said that we get stronger,i think this’s what i realize,i’m not the same as before.still don’t have enough strength but i’m much better than before.

    i have a close older friend,she has a strange “funny”story,after her divorce she fell in love few times she said that mostly with married men,she suffered a lot until she figure out a way to end it herself..she made it in a romantic way!!
    she asked me to believe her that it made her feel good after.
    so the romantic way is: that she slept with her mm for the last time and finally asked not contact her anymore,she was tired of this kind of relationships..she said that this man suffered a lot for her,and he was keeping calling her to get her back to him and even offering to leave his wife but she left him totally.

    then she had other relationship but this time was with a man who had a girlfriend..she felt so bad when he was with his girlfriend,she was the 2nd in his life,so she decided the same as what she did with this other man again same situation he got crazy and he left his girlfriend for her,now they are married and they have a baby.
    so she advices to do the same as her,she assures me that i will feel so good and i will have the strength to stop it.
    this sounds so strange to me but it’s an experience.
    i only wish to be able to say “enough is enough”

  403. Miss Independent Says:

    my mm keeps telling me i\’m his best friend and all he needs from me is companionship. I think their wives have shut down on them. Some men need communication. I hate wasting my time on someone who does not want to move on and accept change. I will stay with my mm while he is moving forward but if i can not see pro-action, it won\’t be worth my time unless he is providing some need for me. Isolde, your friend tells you to do the same… but you are not her and your situation will be different to hers. You need to follow your gut instincts on this one. Don\’t do anything you\’ll regret and follow your heart. If it feels good, do it and try to concentrate on one day at a time. Sounds like you have a lot of grief happening. cling to whatever love you can get your hands on. Pressure perfects us. Just go with your heart and ignore the guilt you feel for now. he\’s the guilty one, not you. Stay free. Make the most of your time with your little girl. She needs you more than anyone else.

  404. Julia Says:

    Dating a married man is the worst roller coster any woman will put her self. I personally dated one for two years. he didn’t tell me he was married until 3months into the relationship then i was already heads over hills in love with him. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and choose to continue. i brok it off because i felt i wasn’t going nowhere with him, the whole thing is a lie. you are like a gas station to him. he comes to you to fill up when he’s gas is low on all the stress from his wife and kids. Baby girls you only helping his married

  405. Julia 1 Says:

    I see we have another Julia on here!
    miss independent, I know my friend also tells me to run like hell. But like you said they are not in our shoes. And they don’t know the situation. It’s easy for all of us to say what someone should do or say, but until you are in that situation, only you know what to do. And we do have to follow are hearts. The rest will come as we go.

  406. Enhancer Says:

    yes, my confidant also says to me: He’s a liar, he’s selfish, he needs to grow up, my confidant feels sorry for his wife!
    BUT… I say,
    remember that this is your situation and your life. You’re in the centre of all this. You can’t possibly tell your confidant everything. You usually only talk to your confident when you are frustrated and need to pour out your frustrations with it all. You are embarrassed to say too much about how good he makes you feel because you know your confidant is against the relationship and would like to see you out so you do not share the good times with them because there is an element of doubt in the whole situation because he is married. I say, take your chances and believe that you know the best way to handle this. We are the vulnerable ones and need to be able to have the strength to do what we think is right by our hearts. I think that time is our best friend. outsiders play with our minds and our thoughts are not always reliable or true to us. When the time is right, the truth shall be known.

  407. Julia 1 Says:

    Enhancer, you could not say it any better. My friend knows my MM quite well, and knows his wife. Knows she is miserable and makes him miserable. She doesn’t want to see me get hurt, which she said will happen. As a friend, she is trying to protect me, which I do appreciate that, but she doesn’t harp about it. Just every so often she says I should run. But like you say, they don’t know the situation of our hearts, as each one of us is different, and handle things in different ways. And I don’t tell her everything about my feelings, as I do hide alot. My other friend that knows, I can say more to her, as she has been in my situation before, and does understand alot more about how I feel. I’m just thankful, I do have 2 people I can talk to about him, plus this site. I cannot imagine not having anyone I could tell..

  408. Nabeelah Says:

    Hi Ladies, I’m back & guess what I’m in tears unbelievable me the “ice-queen”

    It’s not directly about him this time it’s more about what the situation with him has left me with & I don’t know how to deal with it…Please help!

    I said I was a virgin before I met him and have told him so many times I really didn’t want to give that up until marriage & I was too confused to make a decision about that. Don’t get me wrong I don’t regret sleeping with him he was & is amazing I love being with him, what’s really killing me is the fact that I gave this part of me to someone I am learning to dislike so much it was easier thinking I gave my virginity to a man I respected, trusted & cared for than actually internalizing the fact that he simply just used me & had this been any other man I could even live with that thought but this is a man who knew me, why would someone who knew me as well as he did consciously make decision to hurt me this way…

    I don’t have facts but I know in my heart he is sleeping with a client of ours, I confronted him in a rational away about this but I still couldn’t get past my suspicion so I logged into his Facebook as I had his password there was a over friendly message from the client in discussion in his inbox I immediately jumped to conclusions confronted him irrationally as I needed to know why he lied to me & how he could do this… I was in a million pieces this happen sometime ago & he convinced me the message & everything else I was exposed to was innocent I don’t know if I believed him because he was telling the truth or because my need to believe him was so strong…

    All I know is I still think they together & even though I don’t want to be apart of his sick twisted life & I no his choices is no reflection on me it kills me to know that I gave something so precious to someone so undeserving…

    I am 22 years old, I’ve been so sheltered & well groomed how could I have allowed this man knowing his past to make a fool out of me… How? I don’t understand have he know conscious & then how can I feel so sorry for myself when I am not perfect too I slept with a married man whose wife is one of my closest friends…

    I really hate myself I feel like I’m spiraling out of control in my mind & yet still trying to maintain a well groomed front  Not having anyone to talk to about this is killing me so much more I think I’m going to crack soon…

  409. Julia 1 Says:

    Oh Nabeelah, you poor girl! I really feel for you reading your post. You need someone to talk to and let it all out. Your first love is the hardest love to get over. It’s a special bond between 2 people that you will never forget.
    Working with him makes it even harder on you. As you have to look at him all the time. Try to keep your cool honey and not crack. Maybe you could go see a counseller or something to get things off your mind, as I think you do need someone to help you get through this. It eats you up inside and gets the best of you, I know all too well. you have to pretend your fine when your not. If you have a best friend you can trust, I would pour your heart out to her if you can.
    Don’t be hard on yourself for giving yourself to someone you thought you loved. Some men are selfish S.O.B’s, and think they are all that. But when you did it, you thought it was right. So just keep that in your mind.
    If it helps write all your thoughts and fustrations here, or in a journal. It does help to get it all out. Keep yourself busy with people not associated with him if you can. Go get your hair done, buy a new outfit, go to a spa for a day. Do whatever you can to keep yourself busy, and your mind occupied. Don’t sit home and feel sorry for yourself. It will eat you away, and make you someone who your not. Ive been there honey, and it’s not pretty.
    My thoughts will be with you!

  410. Confused Says:

    Well my situation is similar to all of yours. I work with my MM as well. I do not work directly with him which is good. But he is in my building. We started off just as friends. There are not many people I can associate with at work. He is close to my age so we clicked right away. Plus, we have A LOT in common. At first I did not know he was married because he did not always wear his ring. But one day we were hanging out and I saw the ring. He admitted to me he was married but not happily. But what I did not know at the time was he was seeing another girl for about almost 2 years. But he would talk to me about her and how she had problems and he was always helping her. He used to work with her and that she was the first girl he cheated on his wife with. But as we talked and talked for about 6 mos. We started to grow closer and closer. I have been on both sides of the coin. I have been married before and my husband cheated on me too. I was married for about 9 years but we knew each other for over 12+ years. We were high school sweethearts. I believed in having sex after you were married. I grew up in a very religious home. So I know starting something with a MM was wrong but could not help myself. He was perfect and he was my best friend more than anything. I told him things about my ex-husband and what I went thru in my marriage. He told me that he was going thru the similar things in his. He grew up the same way in a strict catholic home. That is why we had a lot in common. He eventually let the other girl go because she started to bug him at home and at work and calling all crazy hours. She had problems with alcohol and family issues. He just did not have the time for her. I was there when he needed me. I always was and that is when we started to get involved with each other. I have been working in the same building with him for almost 2 1/2 years. His wife found out about us at the end of last year. She kicked him out but because they have kids she told him to come back. I knew it would not work between us so when he went back I pulled myself away from him but working together it was hard because I did see him everyday. So I know how some of you girls feel seeing him everyday is hard. Well I always felt like a yo-yo and eventually he was not happy and always missed what we had is how he would describe it to me. He kept saying he never felt this love from anyone or he never loved anyone this much either. It was all new to him. Our whole relationship was spent mostly at work. We would go to lunch, go back to my apt for lunch or take the day off together just to spend time because we did not get to spend much time outside of work or on weekends. I have been to his house plenty of times and we would just hang out. I really felt like he loved me and he says it and does all these nice things for me. Well we got really close and his wife caught us again recently. But the twist of the story now is that she caught us right after I just found out I am pregnant with his baby. I am currently 6mos pregnant and I am having a boy. This will be his first boy because he has 2 girls with his wife. She is not liking this but she is too self dependent on him to not leave him. I did not try to do this on purpose it just kind of happened but I do not believe in abortion or adoption. Kids are not mistakes so I am just going to deal with things as they come. He tried to make things right with her again after she found out that I was pregnant but again he could not stay away. I am a strong woman to a point when it comes to my kids but him it is hard. I am already a single mother of 2 and now I have a 3rd one on the way. I am excited because I love being a mother. I just hoped that I would have been married again and being a family with the next kid. But things happen the way they happen and you just have to deal with it. Well my MM is still around and he feels bad about everything but he said he cannot shake his feelings for me so he has to be around me. He said he does not like the fact he is leaving me alone with his kid. He will be there for his kids as much as he can. He does not think his wife will stay much longer but I honestly do not know what is truth anymore with him. I am just taking care of my kids and going to try to get my life back. He has taken so much of me and everything I have given him. If things in the end points us back together than he will be single when the time comes. But that is all I can hope for… and just deal with things day by day.

    I just wanted to share my story with everyone because it is hard to leave someone that you have given your heart to. That I have found out but it is even harder at times when you have a kid involved. I just need some advice if anyone has anything on my issue. I know I need to do what is best for my kids and my other kids dad is no where around as well. But if he wants to be in our kids life then should I let him or not? It will make it harder on me to stay away from him. I just do not know…

  411. isolde Says:

    Dear all..

    Nabeelah..i was wondering how you are?and i’m so sorry for what you feel now,i’m sure that you know that i feel and understand all what you feel..i really don’t know what to advice you because look to whom is writing now…as i posted before my mm is the 2nd man in my whole life..i’m 29 and i started my relationship with my husband when we were 16 since we were in the same class,i was virgin until my marriage when i was 21..i have a lot of problems now because my husband dosen’t want to divorce,i was trying so much to keep myself untouched until i get my divorce and get marry to other man,but i met him and by time i couldn’t resist..i do know how dose it feel when you give up believes and thoughts in the name of love..
    i feel he’s a part if me,i feel his my husband even.
    hold on my dear Nabeelah i’m with you with all my heart..you did support me and the other ladies here and i do so much now for u too.

    Dear confused,
    i wish you all the best of your coming baby..to be honest i did wish many times to get pregnant and have a baby of my mm although i’m still married..i’m crazy in love that i did wish it,but of course it was only a wish..i’m a mother myself too for 1 child.

  412. puzzler Says:

    Wow, all these stories. Nabeelah, i have been thinking of you all day long… your story rattled my own confidence. i think we always have in the back of our minds will they do the same to us as they did with their wives. My mm has had two wives now… a small part of me wants to run but a bigger part of me has grown to love him. he is my best friend but in his friendship, i have neglected making other friends. i wonder how he will deal with me having friends and having to share me as i’ve always been here at his beck and call…stupid me…
    it’s a huge thing to break away now but it will be a lot more painful finding out later they cheated on you as they did their wives… oh Sh*%t. Wow, Confused, a baby… Have you thought about the future if he doesn’t end up with you? he may want to share the baby? i don’t know… this will cause more heartache… what scares me is that you can hate them as much as you love them… if i found out my mm was cheating on me, i’d want to kill him… I’d hate him so, so much and blame myself for not standing up against what didn’t fit with my own values in the first place… I’m a go with my needs person and that is stronger than my judgement…that is why i am still clinging on. i trust that he’ll be honest with me, but how do we ever know for sure that they are not lying to us as we’ve heard many times with their wives when their wives have rang when they are with us and they lie and sound so very convincing… This haunts me.
    i’ve heard so many times, if we don’t stand up against them, they’ll just keep on doing it… i think, if we are in this situation where we’ve let it go on far too long: far too many years, we just need to not allow them to take away our independence. I could not imagine living with my mm yet… i am keeping my independence as long as i can or until i am 100% sure that i want to live my life with him. i think at times it’s not a relationship but just a thousand flings. at times my mind is in a thousand places at once. it’s so crazy but i keep giving him the benefit of the doubt and wait for him to grow up, he is just not there yet…
    Isolde, sounds like your mm’s got lots of fear. do you ever think he is afraid of loosing you more than he loves you..? I’ve often thought this about my mm. They fear what others will think of them while they keep us a hidden secret from the world and everyone thinks they’re so strong but we seem to be the secret to their strength and happiness. They’re having their cake and eating it too… I am frustrated at the moment ladies. Nabeelah, i really feel for you but like Julia’s advise to you… try to Keep your cool. The intense feelings will pass. Time heals. You’ve needed this experience to make you a stronger person. i don’t know how ever you have managed your relationship with him being best friends with his wife. i got to the point where i couldn’t look at his wife any longer and had to stay away. i suppose, she reminded me of the reality of the situation…

  413. Nabeelah Says:

    Thank you Julia 1, Isolde & puzzler for your thoughts & support, It does help much reading your comments…

    I’ve tried talking to friends but I always stop myself, I am so afraid that there judgment & critic responses would just be too much to handle & as I am already hard enough on myself I really don’t need that type of torture from anyone else…

    I was reading my post & just realized how pathetic I must have sounded… I was taking a brief from him when he called this client to confirm a detail with her, she then obviously wanted to chat further & he casually responded I’ll call you back what was it they couldn’t have said in front of me? & then to soften the blow as he obviously notices my facial expression, he ends the call & mumbles “oh I so don’t have time for her” almost as if he was annoyed with her wanting to continue the conversation…I saw through that.

    I am seriously considering leaving my job before I loose my mind, I can handle being around him & not feeling anything but what really gets to me is I CANNOT handle being reminded what a fool I was to fall in love with him & every time she is around or he emails her or anything related to her I am reminded of that…I loose it completely & then to add a cherry on top thereafter he kisses me & makes me feel guilty of suspecting him of being with her when I am the “only women he is with” & his real convincing too! Instead of this making me real soft it makes me so damn hard & frustrated to the extreme. Because seriously I can deal with him being a bastard what I can’t deal with is why hurt me in the process??? Especially when he had VIP seats too watch me go through so many painful things last year already, why would he wait to be next in line to destroy the little faith I have left in people.

    I have told him countless times you no what maybe what we had was real for that time let’s close that chapter positively & remain good friends & if you’d like go ahead & be with this lady who am I to judge be with any & every female you want just don’t pretend, lie & manipulate me give me more respect than that, allow me to make an informed decision every time I choose to be with you instead of allowing me to believe that you care when you really don’t give a damn.

    I am still studying par time & I have this real awesome lecturer whom has become a real mentor in my life I spoke to him about this as he started to question my lack of interaction in class & my grades spiraling down we had a long open hearted conversation & he being a man kept silent didn’t want to show how hurt he was for my be half the next day he emailed me a list of his contact to get out of my current job I declined this opportunity because I wasn’t ready to let go yet, now I wish I had accepted.

    I wish so many things & have so many regret’s…All I ever wanted, needed & expected from him was honestly…Was that too much to ask for when I have given him so much more, till today I will not tell a single soul because no matter what he does or say to me I will always respect keep his secret because I will not be altered for the worst by the negative experiences he has left me with…

    It’s hard not the getting over him part, but getting over the fact that I caused my own pain by allowing him to manipulate me & what’s even worst is not knowing if I am entitled to these feelings what If I am over analyzing his relationship with her? I don’t know for sure!

    Puzzler it is hard to remain friends with her thus I hardly talk to her anymore especially now with there seperation as well…

    Julia I will most definately make an effort to talk about this to someone close to me…

    Isolde thanks for your support it means so much to know I have a place to vent ;-)

  414. Julia 1 Says:

    Nabeelah, I misred one line about the amazing guy is the pharmaceutical guy, go for it girl, it’s just what the doctor ordered!

  415. Isolde Says:

    Dear Nabeelah,
    i’m so sad for what you feel,and i join Julia 1 advice that you must get rid of him..i know it’s easy to write than to do it..and i understand that although all the defects he has,all his awful mistakes to you,all his lies..so on and so on of terrible things that you,me and all the ladies here knows we still love them so much and we find it unbelievably hard to end it with them..
    BUT i think there must be the time that we have to say this’s enough..
    and i think you are right there..you can’t continue with him anymore my dear…i know how dose it feel when somebody advice this..but i’m trying here to support you maybe it will work and help u.
    try to find other place to work..
    for me it’s so hard to find other place to work because i’m a musician and i play in one of well known orchestra which is so hard to get other place in other good orchestra as i do play now..i wish i had a normal job so i can change it..so for you i hope it’s much easier..
    how’s your connection with the nice guy u are in relation with now?
    i mean if do u think that this “being virgin” matter is that important to him?i think if a guy loves a woman so much he can forgive things sometimes.
    i wish you all the strength,
    the most important thing you must do now is love YOURSELF more than anything else..this’s what i need as well..

  416. Miss Independent Says:

    my oh my Nabeelah, how exciting is your story. thanks for sharing it with us. Don’t leave your job. this will only give you an extra thing to be angry about. let him see how happy you are. this new guy has come into your life at the perfect time. He will give you the confidence and strength you need to show you do not CARE about this mm any more. This mm needs to see that you do not care. If you are certain he don’t care bout you, you do not have to care about him. I think you’re too nice… MM love this vulnerablity. Play a little bit unpredictable with him. He seems to know all your reactions and sounds he is playing games with you. Your anger is good. it will propel you ahead. You need this to give you the determination to drop him (a few stories down by the way he-he-he :-) . He needs to see your confidence and strength WITHOUT him being that for you. He needs to see the loving, glowing, strong Nabeelah that we know you are. stick it out woman. Give him what he deserves. The fact he has eyes for another woman will be the thing to give you strength. You Go girl… You can do it and if this new guy loves you enough, the virginity part won’t be an issue for him… It’s you he wants… I think your experience with the mm has given you the experience in this area. You will still be new to him. Love goes so much deeper than the mere body of an individual… He sounds like a keeper. Be strong. thanks for sharing so much with us.

  417. puzzler Says:

    Hello again… this site is so fabulous. Wow, Nabeelah, you’ve had a lot to deal with lately… I thought i had it hard with my mm being married twice, atleast there’s no kids to worry about with me… Your mm is 40… with three kids (or more) and still has not got it together… “RED FLASHING LIGHTS” babe. at least my mm is getting his life together before we venture into fully committing ourselves.
    I’m so happy for you. Your journey is so full. You are obviously very attuned to Universal Values and the Universe is certainly providing for you. You have shown alot of courage.

    I like what Miss Independent says (let him drop hard). Yes, the very fact that you are getting your own strength back is going to be the thing that throws him. he thinks he has it over you…

    Keep us posted girl. You are a success story for us.

  418. Tuesday Says:

    I met my MM three years ago when I was currently in another fully committed relationship but my b.f. use to work funny hours so he was not around as often as I wanted him to be. I told my MM two rules, 1 – Do not fall in love 2 – Let’s just have a good time.

    Things went from bad to worse when it was discovered that my b.f. was seeing someone on the side, he ended the relationship wanting things to work out for us but the lack of trust was gone, we are still good friends up to today but the romantic aspect has totally disappeared (He was my real first love – I would have tried back up with him again if he were living in country with me right now). I naturally rendered my feelings to my MM and honestly fell in love with him. I was stupid and feel like such an ass. He even introduced me to his wife’s brother. He introduced me to a few of his friends who are more than quick to report to him if they see me out with other men. He himself has even stalked out a few night clubs to see if he would spot me, he missed me by half and hour and thank God, I went out on a dinner date and told him one time and he had the audacity to tell me I had a curfew and was ringing my cell phone off at 11pm, which I did not answer! I did something even as retarded as it sounds I regret up to today, I never slept with a man even my ex b.f. without a condom and yes the condom came off with the MM and he does not want to go back to condoms and when I insist he always throws this low blow – Who else are you sleeping with???

    He has told me all those sweet words that you hear, I love you, You make me feel so special, I can’t imagine my life without you. I was never treated so well never felt so loved. All the Godiva chocolates meeting me in a hotel room when we met up esp when he travelled for work, he takes care off all my expenses saying that he knows I am saving for a house and he wants to help. I introduced him to my favorite person in the world as my b.f. – my grandmother, and she fell in love with him because of his kind nature, and yes they do talk from time to time over the phone cause my grandmother lives far from me. I never had to ask for anything he just willing gives and still does. Always sent flowers for my birthday and throughout the year just to tell me that he was thinking of me, buys me gifts for every occasion and even suprised me with concert tickets for an artist I love and attended with me even though he does not like the artist, he gives me shopping money buys jewelry for me, even encourages me in my professional exams in order for me to move ahead in my career, even taking the time to get up early in the morning to check online for my results as I slept, texting me that I passed and buying me an I-phone for passing. He brings me lunch and takes me to lunch on a regular and the whole situation is absurd cause his wife works two blocks over from me.

    A situation happened last year, we went out boating to a small island with a few of his friends and I took the only available friend of mines who happens to be a bisexual married female. He spilled out how much he loved me and how much I mean to him – I think it was the drinks. We ended up in a fight and when we reached back to the dock it escalated and I told him that he was not driving me home, that my friend would drive me, he had to be held back because he was going after my friend, five grown men had to hold him back. Naturally he came by me afterwards and I was not home, I had to drop another friend of mines to work and I did it really drunk I am suprised that I am still here, my phone was left with the bisexual friend and when I got it back the next day, the texts accusing me of being bisexual etc were ridiculous.

    He has two girls, one who is going for the first time in college and the other still in high school, since she is going to Canada for college, the whole family is travelling, do I feel jealous hell yes I do. I am single with no kids, not a bad looking woman, and a career that is on the rise. Recently the romance has died and when I told him that things have changed and that I want time to myself, he bitched about how much he can’t lose me and how work has him stressed. He asked me where will I be in the next 5 years and I told him, not with him, I do not know if his heart sanked or it was just his eyes cause I saw the hurt when I said that, If he wants to be with me he would make the necessary steps to be with me wouldn’t he?? He says in the next 5 years we would be married, he even has a life insurance policy in his name in the event that he dies I get some closure – is what he called it, I thought he was joking until I saw it myself and he made the insurance out in the name of a company so his wife would not find out or fight it. He always mention how he wants kids with me and can’t wait to start a family with me, I told him that I am not having a bastard kid or having to explain to a child why he or she can only see their father certain days. We try to see each other everyday in some form or fashion even if it is just lunch or if I meet him at the gym to work out together. We did not have sex for a month cause both our schedules did not allow it but we saw each other everyday, and when I asked him, he was like – sex is not the base of our relationship, I’m in love with you and just your presence is sufficient for me until we can be comfortably together.

    I do not know what to do??

  419. Miss Independent Says:

    if there’s any thing that jolts a man into action, it’s telling them you do not want to live with them. being brutally honest… seems this is the only way they hear what you say, by being hurt. yes it’s f*&%d up if it takes that kind of thing before they will really hear what we are saying. Do we want to have to hurt them in order for them to hear us? We’re got to get passed the caring stage when all they care about is themselves under the cover of: “i love you, you’re beautiful, i need you…”. Tuesday, your mm sounds so abusive. He’s a stalker. He already does not trust you. get out while you can. . . take the next available opportunity. he bitched about how much he can’t loose you! hello…do YOUR feelings come into this at all? he won’t wear a condom for your sake but instead, again thinks of himself only… All i’m hearing from your post is HE IS NOT LISTENING TO YOU… I think you already know what you need to do… play it safe and get out before it gets too much harder… Any man who puts a woman down is NOT worth it. There are respectful men out there and no, they’re no all married… Take Care.

  420. Miss Independent Says:

    me again… yes, he does too much for you. he\’s trying to make you dependent on him and him alone. You sound non committal. keep up your friendships outside of him, keep enjoying your life. He\’s the one who\’s trapped. don\’t let him trap you as well. beware darling.

  421. Nabeelah Says:

    Hello Ladies… I just arrived at worked logged onto this site impatiently to read your response, I knew it would just give me the strength I needed to get this day started as I didn’t have to deal with him yesterday I was on study leave…

    Thanks Julia, I have made a decision to really get out there and search for a job again this time whole heartily & if I should be so lucky to get one let’s hope I have enough pride to accept it this time.

    I just realized something today, you no how you meet really nice & well suited guys but there’s always something missing that takes you right back to your MM that something missing is all the drama scenes & intense emotions how could any normal healthy relationship compare to a soap opera I’ve been living lol…

    Isolde: I am really sorry that you not as flexible in changing jobs, you must feel so trapped. Your situation is definitely inspiring me to cut my losses & be grateful that I have more choice. As for the nice guy I met him through a mutual friend his single, 23 years old and very well suited to me, I don’t know him long enough to have any promising relationship with him & I guess I can’t compare our compatibility at this stage we hardly had 5 dates thus far so I’m giving it a try. Hey all is good when I actually can hold his hand in public & sleep peacefully knowing he doesn’t have a wife & the only women he has on mind is me 

    Miss independent: I just love your tactic towards this will mostly definitely give it a go! The only problem I have is the fact that every guy I am with I am with because I want him to notice his lost and everything else I do is with the intention of getting some reaction from him how sad isn’t that? I wish one day I can wake up and be the person I was before him and this would just seem like a real nasty dream.

    Oh puzzler, after 3 wives I should have seen more than “red flashing lights” maybe alarm bells as well ;-) but all stupid me saw was a man with real bad luck & I wanted to be tinkle bell & change all that! I wanted to be everything they never were; instead I ended up loosing everything I am. Now that’s sad.

    I love this man as much as I kick, scream & deny it until the sun comes up… I am in love with him that’s why this hurts so much. I no it’s an unhealthy situation so even after acknowledging that I will stick to my objective & that’s getting me back & not entertaining a relationship with him. This hurts so much I feel like crawling in a dark whole and just staying there the sad part is I might not literally ever find that dark whole but figuratively every day I feel that the lies, secrecy & manipulation is making me hide in that dark whole within myself… I hardly ever socialize anymore because I am embarrassed at the person I am. I use to be so full of energy, optimistic & vibrant living my 20’s with so much confidence…Look at me now 

    Thank you all for going through this with me, I would have never thought the people I depend on bringing a smile to my day is people that I don’t even know & barely know me & are oceans apart. I have cried for you guys as well reading your sad stories & laughed on this site reading the funny posts of all the awkward situations we put ourselves in you ladies are the best!

    Thank you puzzler for keeping me here when I was about to try this on my own, I couldn’t do this in isolation I would have lost it already…

  422. Tuesday Says:

    Thank you so much Miss Independent. I have recently began going out more and doing more social activities in my life without a care in the world and be “accident” leaving my cell phone home or putting it on airplane mode. I’ve made new female friends who take me out and we explore the town.

    My MM was recently on vacation with his family and he has this habit of texting to say when he is moving to a different location, appartently they state hopped. I texted him with a “HHHHMMMMM” he texted back “You seem upset?” HELLO what the hell, you are texting me on vacation with your family. I texted back “do not communicate with me until you are back” I had the best two weeks ever, my friends took me to a strip club, we went kayaking and I realized how much fun it is being single. Am I still stuck on my MM, I guess you can say that I am, it is so hard to end it but I am finding it easier to live a different life seperate from him, to not include him in my personal affairs be they professional growth or anything. He has noticed the change and my quick change of the subject when he asks me where I’ve been or if I am studying for further professional exams.

    I do love him, but if he is not going to do anything about US, I have made that mental decision that this is not where I want to be and that someday my prince will come.

  423. Miss Independent Says:

    Yes Tuesday, you go girl… I’m sure all us women can enter into our mm contacting us while they are away with their wives and family… how dare they? it’s like they want to keep a foot in and we get crumbs only. Sucks! Not including him in your personal affairs (including growth) you are amazing girl… i wish i could do that. at times my sharing with him seems the only thing keeping life exciting with him. Stay free girl… Don’t let him own you. We belong to no one and have the right to be as free as they think they are… They have another life, apart from us. if we left them, they’d just fall back into their lives with their wives but we… we are left with all the emotional stuff and no one knows…

  424. Confused Says:

    Dear Miss Independent,

    That is sooo true we are a separate life from their everyday life. How is it that they get to pretend like their life is all happy while we are stuck with like you said all the emotional stuff and no one knows about us. How dare they treat us like we will always just be there on the side when they need us? Today my MM… remember I am confused…. I am the one who is pregnant by my MM. He pulled me aside and said he is drawn to me more because I am carrying his first son. He wanted to rub my belly so he can bond with his son. I was like is that all you want me for and he told me that no this is hard for him as well. He wants to be a family with me but his wife is sooo vulnerable and she can’t handle anything by herself. OMG… what BS… if you want to be with someone you will be with someone. He only stays for his other kids because he thinks she is not strong enough to do it on her own. I was like are you serious… he said that he knows I am a strong woman and I can handle it more than his wife. WTF??? What gives them the right to want us when its a good time for them? I told him that I want more and if he is not willing to do that then I can’t carry on this relationship anymore… I can’t keep his son from him. That is going to be hard on me. I love this man… this baby did not make itself. I know he cares for me alot and I can see it everytime we are together. I just hope things change for me when this baby comes… but guess I won’t know until then…

    Just wanted to say thank you for all your advice and everything. I read all your comments when I get a chance and I can tell you all are strong woman too. We all just want to be loved… we will all find it one day!

  425. skeptical Says:

    Hi y’all,
    I’m back again.. It really helps to read ur posts. i’m continuing to struggle with my feelings about MM and need ur feedback. We have had this intense relationship for past month or so (definitely emotional, some physical, but no sex). Last week he goes on vacation with his family. I knew i wouldn’t hear from him, but it was so hard.. i’ve become so attached to him (even though my mind tells me not to!) i can’t help it. He’s such a great guy, really. ive never felt so good. He’s told me a lot and i want to think i can trust him.. but then part of me thinks he doesn’t need me as much as i need him. So i wait, day by day.. looking forward to seeing him and then he comes back from vac. n texts me that he’s back.. I texted back welcoming him home. didn’t hera from him the rest of the day and then texted him again saying i was sad that i hadn’t seen him yet (we work together). I was sooooo disappointed. I told myself i wasn’t going to do that, that i’d play hard to get n let him come to me. So much for that. So then i said i’d missed him, wanted to see him and that understand if he didn’t feel that way.. He then texted he was sick n went home from work. Said he’d call today n he left a message n texted me. i texted back.. no response. i just had been feeling awful, like, this is it, it’s over, just like i thought it would be. i keep waiting for the day when my fairytale was jsut a dream. i felt so depressed. i’ve been telling myself all the “rules”, like not to expect anything, accept it for what it is, enjoy it, stop wanting answers and confirmation, and let it go! But it’s so hard! i want more and more.. the highs are great, but then the lows are awful… My mind says just forget him, this is crazy.. but i can’t.. so i struggle.. And i can’t talk to ANYONE about it as no one knows at all.

  426. Tuesday Says:

    Skeptical – I am so sorry that you are going through the emotional roller coaster that you are currently experiencing. If possible turn off your phone for a week and take some time to yourself. Go to the spa and get a massage, relax and think for a bit. I know it is difficult to do so and that you long for his phone call or text, but you are desirable and beautiful and you deserve love, affection, and attention. I just told my MM to “Go to Hell!” I am sick of his empty promises, sick of his lack of concern, sick of it all.

    I’ve always respected myself and I allowed myself to be fooled into a relationship that does not exist, just an emotional and sexual scar that continues to linger, I know my MM will text or call back and try to get me back like he always have done before, but I have a determination now to just get out and leave. Never once have I disrespected him, his family or even his wife. I’ve been working out at the gym and lost a few pounds, he noticed and was quick to judge to say that I was looking for another Man, Hell yes I am, I am not unattractive and I know the losing of a few pounds will boost my self esteem, I am bringing Sexy back. I want to seduce and intrigue a single available man.

    Ending the fairytale is harder than it looks because he seems to be such a prince, Skeptical he is not a prince, once you kiss him he will turn into that toad with warts. It is hard I know, but we should all try to find love on a two way street in stead of backing up in a dead end.

  427. pumpkin Says:

    Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater; had a wife and couldn’t keep her
    Put her in a pumpkin shell, and there he kept her very well.

    What does this mean ladies?

    I reckon, we are the pumpkin, his wife is kept in the shell.

    While they keep themselves fat on all the pumpkin (us), their wives are kept in the outer shell (without realising he has been eating all the pumpkin) and all that everybody else in his life sees is the beautiful pumpkin shell that he is keeping his wife well in… He has fooled his wife and everybody else. It looks as though his life is going to plan and he’s doing all the right things but he is feasting on all the pumpkin… his wife is getting leftovers but it looks, to the world, that he is keeping her well (a great husband yeah right (*&%£”)… We are getting devoured while he is getting all the glory from the people in his life.

    They keep their wives well (in pumpkin shells) doing all the right things (by protocol) while we (the pumpkin) are being eaten up by him (nobody sees or even knows of us. He is getting fat on us. So, what happens when WE decide to keep part of that pumpkin to ourselves? He doesn’t get as much as he wants does he ladies? Nobody sees the pumpkin (that’s all his, he don’t share it).

    We need to keep ourselves growing and expanding with friends and family ladies. Don’t give your whole self/life to them. They will continue to get fat and keep their wives in these shells… What does he do? he could go to find more pumpkin (others like us) or he could decide to break down his shells of deceit and come clean. I think finding more pumpkin would be far easier than destroying all the shells he has built up over his entire life. It rests with us ladies. We have a choice to either allow them to devour us and keep their wives in what is rightfully ours or decide to eat what is ours and only share a little bit with Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater. He is selfish, he is deceitful, he is unkind, he thinks he’s fooling everyone, (even his pumpkin) but we know his secret. What are we going to do about it?

    I have been dating my mm for a few years now “on the quiet” and I have allowed him to keep his shell. She has got tired of living in a pumpkin shell and has decided to expand herself and no longer lives in his provided shells but he still has his pumpkin and is eating it too . Maybe he is putting me in the shell now  but I have only just realised this and am cutting his supply short of pumpkin. I wonder what he will do?

  428. skeptical Says:

    Thanks Tuesday.. i admire your strength and determination.. i’ve had a lot of free time to think.. this is what gets me in trouble though! i think too much! Yes, it is such a rollercoaster of highs and lows.. Lucky for you, ur able to get off and go on to another ride as you get your sexy back! Good for u! :)

  429. Isolde Says:

    Dear Ladies,
    writing to you and it’s few days away of meeting him again,next 27th i will be flying back and i will see him.
    we chat for a little while every night,we didn’t see each other for 3 months now.
    i’m so worry,scared because i know how weak i will be once i see him after this time.
    he is telling me how bad he feels because he can’t give me all what i deserve.
    he never promised me anything..last night he was telling me sweet things,i’m not able to resist him.

    dear Tuesday..i hope i’m strong as you are,i was trying the last months,i thought distance will recover me but it didn’t work.
    i’m completely in love with the wrong man unfortunately.
    we both have a lot of differences we come from very different continents,different culture and habits,i work and live in his country..he was telling me that we are like 2 magnets pieces with “-” and “+” which stick together.
    i hate the situation..i hate the fact that i’m not a real part in his life and we can’t.
    he just sent me a text telling me that he’s with his family out for lunch..it’s always like a knife in my heart.
    i know that it’s not my right to be even jealous of his wife but i do so much.
    he didn’t give me a lot,and i had plenty of sad times,we spoke a lot about it and he always tell me that he understand how painful it is for me.he cries sometimes for me.
    dating MM is the most catastrophe situation a woman can bring to herself.

  430. Tuesday Says:

    I’ve only recently gotten strong, because I was tired of his lies and empy promises. Yes he helps me out alot financially, but I beginning to ween myself off of him in that aspect, that is why I am taking professional exams and not quitting until I get to the top. The more exams, the higher the salary.

    I love him, but I love myself more. Just this week I saw his wife at a traffic light next to me, and I was like, she does not even know I exist or does she?? I use to get so emotional, he would sleep in my bed and stay a few hours after and then up he goes home to his wife and kids and leaves me bewildered and confused, shamed and humiliated cause yet again, my body was his desire. His friends all know me deliberately, so when I go out with friends be they male or female guess what, a report is given to him. Even if they glimpsed a woman who looked like me, there I was and he was convinced it was me. He wants to share all of his triumphs with me, even down to his kids getting their drivers license, how dare he, throw it in my face taht I am just an outside shelter where he goes when he needs to vent and show-off. “OOOHHHHH I have to take my daughter snorkeling” As if I care, have you ever taken me snorkeling, have you ever taken me to a tropical island where we could just lounge on the beach and hold hands without me feeling low, NOOO! He takes his wife and two kids, and texts me how he got sunburn, I know I might sound bitter to a few of you ladies, but I am not, I just need to get off my chest what has been there for so long.

    We are all each others best friend cause we are all in a situation that neither of us likes yet we are drawn to these men by their sweet words and their touch and yes it is like magnet, but recently I’ve asked myself, Why isn’t he here to keep my warm, Why isn’t he here to stay with me, to whisper softly in my ear, Why isn’t he here? Cause he chooses to not to be, he chooses not to be.

  431. Tuesday Says:

    This is my dedication to all you lovely ladies…

    “Someone tell me why I am on my own, if there is a soulmate for everyone.”

    Soulmate by Natasha Beddingfield

    Incompatible, it don’t matter though
    ‘cos someone’s bound to hear my cry
    Speak out if you do
    You’re not easy to find

    Is it possible Mr. Loveable
    Is already in my life?
    Right in front of me
    Or maybe you’re in disguise

    Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
    Who knows how to love you without being told
    Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
    If there’s a soulmate for everyone

    Here we are again, circles never end
    How do I find the perfect fit
    There’s enough for everyone
    But I’m still waiting in line

    Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
    Who knows how to love you without being told
    Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
    If there’s a soulmate for everyone

    If there’s a soulmate for everyone

    Most relationships seem so transitory
    They’re all good but not the permanent one

    Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
    Who knows how to love you without being told
    Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
    If there’s a soulmate for everyone

    Who doesn’t long for someone to hold
    Who knows how to love you without being told
    Somebody tell me why I’m on my own
    If there’s a soulmate for everyone
    If there’s a soulmate for everyone

  432. Miss Independent Says:

    Dear Confused
    I really feel for your story and can enter in. i also got to the point of telling my mm that i needed more. This site helped me realise that. it\’s not fair that we have the crumbs if we are all they say we are. he kept saying to me: \”your beautiful, i love your independence, i love that you can look after yourself, etc…\” He also has a very dependent wife but i think she uses that to keep him where she wants him and him being the nice guy and all, can\’t say no. she works on his guilt all the time. It\’s so hard when they (mm) use us in the little bits of time they get (breaks at work, on the way home or to work) it\’s mental as anything… when i told him i \”deserve\”, need and want more than he\’s giving, he agreed to that and gave me the option of leaving but HE couldn\’t let go. I think I could let go easier than he could. I do not have as much to loose as he does and he has to get to this point himself. it\’s the waiting for them to be ready that kills but will they ever get real? I get impatient when i do not see progress from his end as he continues to tell me he\’s tying up all his loose ends… i need to see him taking steps for my love to continue to grow for him or i just want to let go and get on with my life. I feel so much for you having his baby, although can understand that would be a comfort in some way but you want them around more when your carrying their baby. it\’s extra work you are doing for him…Does his wife know? what got me was when you said he thinks she can not do it on her own… why is that? that\’s BS. that\’s bc he\’s made her that way. Any woman can find the strength to do things on their own. This is their (mm) excuse to not let go. if he let go of her, she\’d prove him so wrong. We know as women, we always find the strength to do things on our own. We don\’t need a man telling us we\’re not capable. That\’s what i feel is so BS. I have a list going in my phone of all the excuses my mm has made since i\’ve been going out with him (years). going over this list helps me see whether he is genuine or not. Some excuses are out of his control whilst others are just the way he sees things…but the list helps give me a pattern of his behaviour as i keep allowing his excuses to keep me where i am. I hope you can be strong enough to carry out your words Confused bc they can’t just let go of their built up fake life, it’s very hard to do what you say, as strong as you feel it, specially when they are in your head, heart and emotions and won’t let go, it is impossible unless you have your own safety net (support group) to fall into…otherwise we keep falling back into their arms. Take Care Girl and know what you are getting yourself into. Be Strong.

  433. puzzler Says:

    On ya Tuesday,,, that\’s my sentiments exactly… sometimes i feel it\’s just the body he\’s in love with but he\’s cottoned on to that and always tells me it\’s my mind and i believe him cos he needs my mind (or good nourishing pumpkin :-) ) i like that Peter Peter Poem explanation. Yes, getting back to you Tuesday, thanks for those lyrics too. You\’re dead right, THEY CHOOSE WHERE THEY WANT TO BE. Yes, I likewise have been unindated with his stories of what he\’s been doing with this one or that one and it gets BORING… Hey, wake up (MM) there\’s a bigger issue at stake here and it\’s called \”us\”!!! They are little boys needing a soft cuddly teddy that is all theirs and nobody elses… I totally understand your frustration.

  434. puzzler Says:

    Dear Nabeelah,

    it must be hard for you with this new guy in your life. you can not give yourself to him until you have closure with your mm. Honestly ladies, i think it’s a good idea to get on with our own lives (without a man in our heads). We are obviously not ready to attract the love we want. I hope all is well for you Nabeelah and good luck in getting out away from seeing his face, looks toward you and body language. You know ea other so well. it must be so hard. but you’re honest and i believe you will go places. You have really helped me with a lot of things too. my mm’s past wives have been ugly… I can’t see what he seen in them. they have both been controllers and he seems to attract them. I am not a controller. I absolutely love my freedom and cannot see myself living with another guy, even him. Like Julia 1 says, we are all at different levels and when the time comes, we will know what to do. lots love & all the best.

  435. Confused Says:

    Dear Miss Independent,

    Thanks for the response and our MM sound similar. The things your MM has said to you I have heard before from mine. I am starting to realize that HE can’t let go either and it would take for her to leave but why would she?? He takes care of everything as far as bills, she has a new car, and he cooks and cleans and watches the kids. She has it made, expect for the fact that he now has me on the side and a new baby on the way. Yes she knows about me and that I am carrying his baby. She is hoping it is not his baby but I have not been with anyone else but he has told her that I had a boyfriend which is not true. I did have one like right after him(MM) and I got together but that was just so I could try to get over him but I could not look at any other man the way I looked at him and wanted him(MM). It did not last long plus he knew all that, I could not keep anything from him. I told him about the guy and everything… he(MM) did get jealous of him and then he wanted to be around me more but I could not be with both of them. So I knew who I wanted more and I made that choice. Which of course was my MM again… I am soo hooked on him and everything about him. Now more than ever because of the baby… I wasn’t planning on having his baby but it happened for a reason and who knows what will happen in the end. It is a comfort but I do want him around all the time going thru all of it with me. You know the cravings when I wake up in the middle of the night or just laying there at nights and wanting him next to me. With my emotions up and down it gets harder everyday… yes I believe him saying his wife cannot do it by herself is to me an excuse because yes I know as woman we have inner strength and when it is necessary it will come out. We just have to be put into that situation when we need it. I know that from experience and I do realize he probably tells her stuff so he makes her think she can’t do anything without him. That is sad… because that won’t happen with me and yet he is drawn to me because of that. I think I will start a list of my own of all the excuses he gives me as well. That will probably help me move on when the time comes and he still doesnt make up his mind. I am trying to be strong to stay away but it gets hard because I see him everyday at work. I really want to quit but being pregnant it is not easy and I need the money right now. He is trying to keep me here because this is the only way he can still be around me and watch me I guess. Like he is trying to do his part or whatever! But I know for sure he will be helping to support this baby… I didnt make it on my own. I am soo glad I have this site to ask for advice because no one understand how I feel right now. We are all going thru same situations here and I feel like you guys are my support group right now. I enjoy reading about all of what you are going thru because it does help alot. Please keep the comments and stories coming… it is helping me know that I am not alone in this. Thank you again Miss Independent your words are very encouraging and I am going to be strong for my kids and myself. :)

  436. Julia 1 Says:

    Confused, you sound like a very smart lady! I commend you on having this baby, and yes making him pay! Like you said you didn’t make it on your own.
    And yes, unless your in that situation, no one knows how you feel or can tell you what to do! That’s what makes this site great. We can vent, put our feelings on her, what we are going through, and no one but us knows how it feels.
    I wish you luck, and hold your head up high girl, for you and your kids. And we are all here for you!

  437. skeptical Says:

    Once again my heart is heavy…after a week of him being on family vacation, coming back and then telling me he’s back by text, but then i don’t see him. So i assume the worst. Text him that i missed him and then wish he missed me, but accept we might not feel same way. Then he says he’s sick, left work early and that he’d call Sat. So he calls, i didn’t asnwer, let it go to vm and he texted me too.. ok then i call him, no call back sat. or sun. he texts me today to say good morning and that hope had good weekend (WTF?) So i then text back saying hope ur feelin better n that hope he had good weekend too. Saw him from distance at work, but he didn’t attempt to see me or text me. So i texted him (which i told myself i wouldn’t!) n said for him to call me, that was wondering if he was ok as we haven’t talked. He texted me back to call him, but i was busy n couldn’t asnwer (don’t want to be too available). So we didn’t talk at all during his family vacation, and since he got back fri. and i thought he’d want to see me, miss me (or tell me how much he missed me), and try to see me.. i’m so hurt that he hasn’t.. sooo hurt. My heart is heavy. I want to say forget this, i really do, and yet i miss him like crazy… i keep expecting this to be the end. Was all this a lie? Was it for real? the day before he left he said he’d miss me constantly. I’m trying to figure out what’s his deal- is he blowing me off, thinks i havent contacted him so pulling back as he’s scared too, i just don’t get it. i keep telling myeself NOT to pour my heart out to him, NOT. Help my heavy heart.. I wish i could put these feelings away.

  438. Tuesday Says:

    Hi Skeptical,

    I know the hurt when he is on vacation, saying he is having a blast and you wish it was you with him. Life is so unfair, we give our souls and heart to a man, do they have any emotions whatsoever, can they not see the hurt that they inflict on us. My MM was so in a rush to go home to call his daughter who is in college for her first year, that we had a rushed dinner. Never seem available for him, I wish I was there to hold your hand and tell you everything would be okay.

    I’ve been strong for so long, but I can feel it crumbling all around me. I hate crying and I know that I will, how can someone so perfect in our eyes not feel the hurt, the pain, the loneliness. I am so with you honey, it is difficult, to go running back into his arms, to realize that when we roll over in the morning we are rolling on emptiness and sadness in our hearts. If ever you need a listening ear, I am here. If need be I can provide you with my email and phone number, sometimes it is good to hear another voice on the next line with the same problems.

    I work with a woman who was lucky enough to marry her MM, I know that will never be me. She is so lucky, but I see the imperfections in her marriage and then I ask myself do I want that to be me. A man should want to be with me because he wants to be with me, not because I am the alternate woman, the substitute. I was never created to be a substitute. I want to be free and live without warning, I want to finally see what it is like to love and be loved in return. I know why I am with my MM, the lost of my father, I never overcame and so I torture myself. I am trying….to break free…but am I trying hard enough.

  439. Nabeelah Says:

    Hi Puzzler & all you ladies!

    RE: No need to read my post it’s extensively long & it’s just me trying to take some bad memories out of my mind and store it somewhere private… Sorry about that though 

    It is difficult for me dating another guy with my heart still with my “mm” I’m not using this guy to make my “mm” jealous or as an attempt to move on… I really do like him and I really want to be in healthy relationship I have tried that tactic before though ;-) but this time I have not advertised my relationship because I respect my partner more than that.

    It’s easier for me to move on because I desire so much to be married and to start a family of my own more than I desire to be with my “mm” and since he cant fulfill that need, my interest in pursuing a relationship with him has been fading…

    My “mm” has never given me solid hope that there could ever be anything more between us even after his separation. Even so he didn’t mind altering or manipulating certain situations to give me false hope at times when he wanted to be with me intimately. Anyway I’m an adult and should have known better, I chose to ignore the obvious.

    I am on a journey with myself trying to find my place in society again after living in isolation & secrecy…I’m trying to like myself again as well because I could hardly look at myself after this whole experience and still find that difficult.

    I promised him in not so many words but that I would not ever tell anyone about us but the emotional battle I’m fighting right now is making me reconsider that, not to hurt or exploit our situation but actually to find peace with it I have got to confide in a close friend I’m finally ready to do so.

    My “mm” and I have slept together last over a month ago we called that our closure to be emotionally and physically connected one last time before going separate ways.

    I feel sad still thinking about our situation because I have so much undealt with emotions & questions that seems irrelevant now: some of them goes like this –

    Did he fall in love with me and manipulate me into falling for him knowing my vulnerability at the time? I often think that based on a series of events.

    When I told him I didn’t want to have sex – Is this a sign that he cared so little about me that he couldn’t respect that, he just kept seducing me until I gave up?

    Knowing that he would never be able to give me more & still pursuing a relationship with me – Does this mean he was just a selfish bastard?

    During our JHB trip – We were physically together for the 1st time or at least tried to be, (we didn’t have sex but I lost my virginity that night I couldn’t continue because I was in too much pain so he stopped) he left for his room after & said he would come back after everyone was asleep he didn’t come back…He didn’t reply to my messages or answer my calls he actually turned his phone off…I didn’t tell him the next day how that made me feel, as it was my first time, I was scared, in pain & crying the entire night I had never felt that alone ever. Just writing this get’s me in tears again.

    After this our relationship changed I became more cold towards him, because clearly I started to question the man I fell in love with.

    He tried to seduce me countless times thereafter and as much as I wanted to fall for it the stigma of that night just put this high wall up & it still is up…

    Thereafter I started suspecting him of sleeping with our client, this fake sense of emotional control I was pretending to have come crashing down… I just couldn’t be strong anymore and I lost it with him, I hated him so much but not having any valid proof made me feel more crazy accusing him so instead I just chose to accept not ever knowing the truth & moving on, he made this exceptionally easy to do as he was such a jerk he made our relationship to be so formal and as my boss wanted to deal with my “accusations” 1st thing Monday morning in his office? When did I became just an employee again? I had never mixed work with our relationship why was he? I had never seen this side of him ever, I became physically ill and was put off work for the entire week which he was rather insensitive about and treated me like “A” class shit!

    He threaten to tell his wife everything which would lead to my entire family finding out, my family would have disowned me but all he cared about was clearing his name & since I wasn’t convinced by his story regarding the client this is what measures he was pre-pared to go through. So I lied to him I told him I am sorry for accusing him and that I was just a jealous mistress and that I believed him, just so that he wouldn’t do this to me. Everyday I had to put a pleasant, tolerating look on my face just so that he doesn’t see through my act this I did to keep my family’s pride even if it meant loosing mine.

    It was the hardest period of my life I cried every day, I gave up on everything I believed in, I lost control and hit rock bottom! And yet every morning put on a pretty face and got through the day as if I had everything together 

    I guess my fake in control attitude got his head turning my way again, he went on business travel and sent me a photo that was taken at our year end function of us looking so sweet together, it did exactly what he thought it would do to me “soften me up” opening my heart to the feelings I had suppressed I asked him why he did that & his response was a real joke he said he is not one to hold grudges AAAAAAHHHH I was the one who should have grudges not him but I pulled myself together had a good laugh & sarcastically thanked him for forgiving my irrational behaviors as at this stage I was still pretending to believe him.

    I started to feel quite sorry for him actually as he was the one being fooled now!

    He returned the Monday and requested that I take a walk with him to discuss this situation, I did so & maintained my “act”, after the walk he asked if I wanted to take a drive with him to drop something at his lady friends house who he happens to have a key to and she just happens not to be home… When we got there we spoke briefly & he kissed me I became so angry I told him the truth about my little act & how he could tell the world as I didn’t care as long as he keeps his hands off me, he surprisingly appreciated my honesty and tried to convince me once again that I miss understood his relationship with the client… His eyes were so convincing I couldn’t help to just fall for it there for a moment & returned his kiss but eventually after countless attempts by him to get me to sleep with him I pulled myself together and suggested we leave I was uncomfortable and mad at myself for allowing him to manipulate me all the time and I made it very clear to him that I thought nothing of him anymore.

    He applied for 3 weeks leave after this and made a remark that maybe I could use the distance from him, which indeed I needed, we spoke almost every day though and a week before his return he sent me a msg asking if I wanted to see him the next day I said no than he asked me to call him he said he wasn’t feeling good and he sounded bad too, my nurturing side kicked in and I didn’t even give a second thought towards my insecurities I just wanted him to feel better and if that meant reassuring him by means of physical interaction that I did love him, I would do so… This was my first actual sexual experience he was amazing and very emotional just as I was, I joked with him after saying that if I didn’t no better it was if he was lost his virginity as well that night and he looked at me and said he did I was like oh yeah right so says the man 3 marriages & 3 kids later I didn’t anticipate his response at all… he told me that even though he had been married all these times he had never given either of his wives there 1st experience as they all were married before marrying him and it was an experience being with me, his words were so warm & so real to me.

    But the doubt in my mind about our client always saturates my mind to the point that I cannot trust or believe anything between us was real that hurts. Since she came in too the picture he confides in her & she in him, I use to tutor his eldest son and after this client came in to picture he stopped asking me too and instead asked her they had many visits to the office on Saturdays for tutoring sessions he never mentioned this to me until I found out on my own, I felt like all I was too him was a simple one night stand and everything between us was just a tactic he used to get females into bed & saw him repeating this tactics with her… Am I wrong about this as he says?

    What hurt more was after finding this out I asked him why he would get a stranger to tutor his kids, wasn’t I good enough anymore? Even though I have relevant qualifications in what she was teaching them his response was well my daughter got an A after a tutor session with the client and his son whom I had been tutoring just passed by a percentage I felt like crap thereafter hearing that and wanted to tell him well the kid you gave me to tutor has never had good marks throughout school and was so emotionally scared with all his dad’s marriages & issues that he cried an hour before every lesson where as his daughter was an A student already and emotionally strong how could he compare the 2 but what kept my words in was my love for his son I couldn’t criticize his potential when I believe in him so much not even to win an argument with his mean ass dad!

    All of these situations makes me really hate him but then he does something amazing and that changes everything again.

    I always say being with him is like been given a hand picked flower and than after feeling so special only to turn around to find every women standing with the same flower and being taken from this high high to a low low with no warning.

    If his all of this negative things are true, I often find myself wondering what I love about him:

    I love his motivated spirit, his creative mind, his ability to mix with all types of people, his endless potential, his kind & caring heart, I love the fact that his a father and that even though he might not know what his doing sometimes he never stops doing! I love the vulnerable look in his eyes that he thinks no one is seeing… His a big manly man & I am so petite that I just love being in his arms I feel physically safe with him and I use to even find comfort in his words…

    I’m trying to get rid of the above baggage so badly today is the 1st time I got to get things on my mind out in the open even if no1 reads or understands this, me writing this was more about me & trying to make sense of a relationship inexistent.

    How do I get closure to this? How? I’m so lost I cant even find way through my own thoughts right now… I had a panic attack 3 days ago and I look and feel like shit… For me it’s not about getting over my love for a “mm” it’s about getting over my experience with a “mm”

    I hope these experiences dont ruin a good relationship with a nice single guy for me!

    XOXO
    Nabeelah

  440. Isolde Says:

    Dear Nabeelah,

    i would like so much to contact you in person,if you don’t mind let me know so i can give you my contact details.
    i wish to talk and i feel it will help a lot.
    i feel terrible right now too..i can’t handle him being so hard to me.
    my heart is so in pain.

  441. puzzler Says:

    oh yes, and that sleeping together for closure thing was also a ploy. It\’s a last memory of what you loved about him… My mm tries that with me all the time and it always keeps me wanting him… They make every effort to please you when they think they\’re loosing you. You have so much valid proof Nabeelah for what you suspect.
    And, an example for all you ladies on this site who are struggling with their feelings around their mm,
    Never ignore your feelings again and ALWAYS voice what you feel (specially if they\’ve made you feel that way) however small a thing or word it seems (it\’ll always be small but that\’s how they get to us and we begin to doubt ourselves and think it\’s all in our heads bc it\’s such a small matter). if it has made you wonder or doubt or feel, \”hey, this isn\’t right\”, then tell them, or if that is not possible, right it down somewhere and keep record of all the times you feel unheard or lied to: that way you can begin to see a pattern in them and have backing for when you do need to confront them over bigger issues… if you don\’t speak up or atleast pay attention to how you feel each small time it happens, then you are giving your power over to them and putty in their hands: they have us just where they want us when we are beautiful for them and when we choose to ignore our feelings bc it will upset the romance. They want us all soft and cuddly for them. They hate our real feelings as this shines the torch on their own denial.

  442. Tuesday Says:

    Nabeelah,

    My darling, I wish I were there to sit with you and hold your hand, in fact to give you a hug. You are going through so much and I know it must be hard on you each and every day. You have to see your MM everyday, he knows all about you life, all your feelings and he continues to throw this in your face. The fact that you are family oriented means so much in this modern day world and that he threatens you with the most precious alli, your family boils my blood.

    He is a loser, jerk, donkey – there are so many names to call him for tugging at your heart strings, for emotionally damaging you, for using you to his advantage and the audacity to plot and to take you to “his friends” house, he only wanted one thing to happen. Your body needs to heal, your mind needs to heal, your soul needs to heal. I am happy that you are looking for another job, and I wish you the best in the search. Where I am from, a woman would have light his body with either battery acid or liquid grits. (NO IDEAS GIVEN LADIES!)

    Keep your head high, and remember that you are deserving of love, your prince charming is out there loving you before you have met him, cause he has dreamed of you. I wish you the best in cutting all ties with your MM and finding that one true love who will love you mind, body and soul.

  443. smoothy Says:

    I been seeing this Mm for about a year, it\’s been On and Off and it\’s been very frustrating. He told me in the beginning that him and his wife are only friend, and they only living together for the sake of the kids and financially. I believe him and accept him. then it\’s been so many disspaointment and lies i discover one by one specially whe i call his home. I only say hello and i ask who she is. She told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not living him.
    then, i told him what his wife said.
    then he still want to see me
    in 3 months we did not see each other and we hardly talk each other then all of a sudden, he ask me if he can see me?
    so he came over my place, then we talk, then we made love.
    then i called him the next day to ask him what is going on now?
    then he told me that there is no more sparks there but we still have the connection, he told me that there is no more chemistry? while after we had sex, he told me that we made love?

    what is really the meaning of chemistry and connection?
    what is the different fo them?

    He always confuse me, and paly around my head?

    please help to answer this?

  444. Enhancer Says:

    I never experienced very little chemistry with my ex, looking back, i think it was only in my imagination. i didn\’t know it\’s power until i met my mm. Although i did experience it with my first boyfriend which was a turbulent relationship of 2years. I think that\’s the thing that\’s keeping us glued. I do believe that communication and sex go hand in hand. If you can communicate on ALL subjects and feel comfortable about that, I\’m almost sure that the chemistry will automatically be there. YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE IT. It is very strong feelings (like a magnet) that draws you together. Good Luck Smoothy. Sounds like he is using you. Put YOU first chicky. Don\’t let him knock you about like that! (easier said than done once your emotions are involved). I do not know if one person can have chemistry without the other. I think it has to be a mutual thing.

  445. skeptical Says:

    Dearest Tuesday,
    Sorry hun for not getting back to you sooner- i’ve not wanted to get on the computer.. my heart hurts n i’m drained, so drained. I cried a lot last night.. which helps, so go ahead and let yourself go. I feel your pain, believe me. If they only felt our loniless, pain, insecurities, sadness..

    My mm is out of town- again. i’m still hurt he didn’t make efforts to see me. We did text back and forth, though never said he missed me. :( I can’t help but to freak out n think that it’s over, when i don’t hear from him. He’s always reassured me. But now.. ??

    Yes, i’d love ur contact info. I haven’t told a sole about this relationship, but feel i can talk here which is nice as u understand and don’t judge. No one knows what this is like if they haven’t been through it or how hard it is to let go of the “oh soooo good” feelings, even if they come wiht the bad ones.

  446. Tuesday Says:

    Why is their schedule so routine? You know when they are going to call, you know when they will stop by and you know when it is “Sex Night”. That makes me so angry, I am always the get up and go type of person. Living life as I feel and I must conform my life to suit yours, buddy, conform to my life if you want to keep up with me, if you want to be with me. My life has no rule and no diction, it is sustain by myself, my way of doing things.

    So my MM calls and says “so I will see you later” “Sex Night”, right ladies, where you lie beneath the sheets and watch him dress and as soon as he is in his vehicle you know he is on the phone with his wife saying “I am on my way home now, was caught up at the office” and we either get ourselves up to wash/shower off his touch, to shower off the passion made in humiliation or turn on the tv and let the tube lull us to sleep, well forget Sex Night! This weekend, I am heading out right after work on Friday, I am just leaving and try to reach me via cell or email, OFF! Yes, I am not going to be ready for you when you want me to be ready. Not this time ladies. Me time.

    Skeptical, I am so sorry that he is out of town right when you need him and he has not called to hear the melody in your voice. Hang in hun, try to occupy your time with something you love to do.

  447. skeptical Says:

    That’s right Tuesday, don’t wait around!!! And don’t settle, u deserve better.. You arent jsut there for sex!

    With my mm, its the emotional connecton we have thats so strong. (haven’t had sex yet, but had some phycal contact) i often wonder though, is it real?? Is it is real for him as it is for me? My insecuirties get the best of me. He’s still gone n no, haven’t heard from him- no text or anything. Hes on business trip, not sure if he’s alone or not. yeah, i try to do things i love, but my fav. thing to do is be with him! i try to keep myself distracted. i always think of him and wonder where i stand.

  448. smoothy Says:

    Dear Enhancer

    Thank you, i have notice that when i was really deeply in love with him those time. those time i been very flexible at any time on his own convenient and i have neglected my work and the rest of me. I have been totally lost control until i have to get up and bring myself back togther for what i really am.
    When i told him all my activities and being busy my work that i can not like i use to be for him, and i told him that i must follow my own routine and i can no be distructed and disturb anymore, i use to let him in control everything but now I am the full control of myself. This is the time he told me that there is no more sparks and chemistry. It is a very selfish and manipulative. Now i have Free myself from him.
    For all the ladies out there! Must remember, make sure you Own yourself and you have the control of yourself. don’t drain yourself with the MM, i been there and it’s very Tough and frustrating, We all learn from this and then now i am happy to keep myself busy and do my sports activities, this gave me Peace of Mind.
    We Live to Enjoy and be happy, We don’t deserve for what they did to Us.
    Get out and let yourself Free!!

  449. Confused Says:

    Ladies,

    I hate that my MM always seems to draw me back in over and over. It is that stupid yo-yo effect. I try to pull myself away but being pregnant with his baby makes it hard for me because I was raised with a mom and dad my whole life and I want that for my kids. I can’t help it, I want him there for the whole pregnancy and yet again I find myself pushed to the side. It is like I know his wife has no clue right now that he has started things with me over again. I find myself not texting him or emailing him unless he is at work because I dont want to get him into trouble. Again he is taking the control of this… I should be the one in control hello??? I am carrying his baby. But why can’t I get my control back and keep it. I dont know what to do anymore… i can’t keep stressing like this because of the baby. But I do because I have deep feelings for him. I guess if he had the same feelings he would have chosen to be with me even after I got pregnant. But again he is still home with his wife even after she found out about us and knows that I am pregnant. He made his choice so why am I still here in the picture?? Why am I trying to hang on to this loser who can get a girl pregnant and still be married but want us both??? Why do we believe their lies about how they feel about us?? I used to be stronger than this… I have been married before and I did not put up with my husband cheating on me. I left him and I am raising our kids without him and now I feel I am going to have to do the same with the one I am carrying now. I know I can be strong when I need to be but with him why do I find myself not able too? I do not know what to do anymore. I see him at work and my heart melts. I can’t leave work because I need the money. I am stuck and I need to get out of this relationship before it is too late. I really just need to stay away from him period. Please help me someone… i am really confused now!!

  450. Miss Independent Says:

    Dear confused
    You know, we are all in the same boat. We all find it hard to resist them when they look into our eyes and give us the affection we need. don’t hate yourself for this. We’re all doing it here. We are all on different levels with our mm. Some of us have developed the strength to gain back some of our power and others are still grappling with that. i do believe this is a series of events… We can’t let go until we are feeling strong enough. You are under more pressure than us because you are carrying his baby and when your pregnant you feel much stronger emotions than normal and want things to be right for your baby. You are giving up so much of yourself for him just having his baby alone. Does he believe it is his baby? Does his wife know that it is his baby or has your mm convinced her it’s another’s? I hear you dude and think you’re amazing, like all of us. Your journey will be harder because of his baby being involved. I hope this helps him get his act into gear. We are strong and independent because we have to be to survive on our own. You have a lot of courage in the first place leaving the father of your other children because he cheated on you. I really wish the best for you sister. I admire your strength. He does need to give you more than he’s giving and i don’t know what it will take for him to realise this. these mm need to wake up. they seem so much further behind than us gorgeous women.
    Lots Love xo

  451. Enhancer Says:

    There’s nothing set in concrete when it comes to a relationship. Being married doesn’t guarantee commitment for life anymore. things change so fast. We need to take what life gives us or puts in our path and learn from it. It provides support where we need it, at the right time, in mysterious forms. I would never ever have chosen this path but now that I’m in it i will never judge another in these shoes. We will be strong enough when the time comes and we will know what path to take but until then, we need to work with (not against) what is before us. we need these mm in our lives for reasons that are beyond us. Enjoy the love being given. Sex is the end result of the connection of mind. These mm seem to give us experiences we have never had. They sound like they are mostly the same. We ARE the ones in control (just read these posts).

  452. skeptical Says:

    Well said, Enhancer. i believe they come in our lives giving us what we need at that time. we have to “take it as is” and not try to think too far ahead- which is so hard for me not to do. we need someone besides ourselves, telling us how great we really are and filling the void we have in our lives at that time. it gives us hope that it can and will happen again..

  453. Feeler Says:

    Hi Smoothy, please read my post from August 13th. It may help you. i think you have a lot of bravery in you to ring up his home phone and speak to his partner… what do you think she means when she answers: “I am the one that saved his life”? and how does that make you feel? Was there any more conversation after that?
    Good luck with your quest!

    Isolde, how are you feeling these days? Your post said you’re going to see him again on 27th? That’s pretty close. How are you feeling about that? Go with your gut.

    I LOVE READING FROM THIS SITE. All you women are legends. I enjoy keeping in tune with all your stories.

    Nabeelah, your openness overwhelms me. You are so beautiful.

    I cannot reveal too much of my own situation as much as I would LOVE to. I do not trust the many and varied stalkers in my life as they would go to “great lengths” to pin me down but I admire the strength of all you women… and want to tell you how much I appreciate you ALL. Keep it all flowing. This site gives me a lot of power.

  454. smoothy Says:

    Hi Feeler,
    I read what you told me to, yes that is all right i been through all that. all i ask from her is where he is? and i ask who she is? and she told me that she is the one who save his life and she is not leaving him. after that i just hung up. i feel terrible knowing the truth. truth hurts but i have to face and deal with it myself. since that it’s been worst roller coaster, i lost my trust completely and what ever he says, even if a simple word, it’s so difficult to trust and understand. I need to do something to get myself back together what i really am.
    Now after 3 months i am getting myself settle. Now after the last meeting we just had and told me that there is a connection but no more chemistry? i been asking differnt people about their own opnion of this word.

    We never been really proper together, all we have is a toxic aggreavation full of frustration because of all Dissapointment and let me down for many times.
    he hardly say anything because what ever he says even if a simple word i make such a big deal out of it, before he say something, i can feel another dissapointment coming and Hurt.

    when i spoke to his wife i can feel that we are feeling the same thing nervous and anger.

    they have built up a lot of things together with all the investment and i know there is a big fortune for him to loose.

    he told me that the reason they are still together and living together is for the sake of the kids and financially, he told me that he can not afford living on his own, living on his own house together with his wife and 3 kids is more convenient for both of them.
    He see me on his own convenient time specially in the morning before he goes to work, we hardly meet up at night.
    we don’t really spend the whole day or overnight.
    I have 2 teenagers girls with me, he comes here when my girls are out. that’s why morning is more convenient for him, on his own way on his own term.
    His kids are 10gir, 8girl , 5boy

  455. smoothy Says:

    Hi Feeler

    I forgot to mention also that i told him that he has to prove to me that him and wife are not really nothing for each other?
    i told him to tell her the truth and tell her about Us.
    He told me that he can not because at the moment things are ok at their house and she trust him.
    He doesn’t want to jeopardise their realtionship, If he tell her it ruin what they have now and she will restrict him to his children.
    If they are only friend now and just living together for the kids and financially? why he can’t tell her????

    He told me in the beginning that he is very serious to me and if i can be serious and commit, it will be good future for Us.

    In early months is really great!!!! then becoming longer until 1 year? it’s becoming worst! and after i spoke to his wife?
    One night he called me and told me that his wife just arrange a surprise Holiday for all of them because for his birhtday. He said because they are good friend and still do things like that for each other.

    Please kindly give me any opinion for this?

  456. Feeler Says:

    They like to have us on the side Smoothy.
    what a hide he has to expect you to commit when he is not himself?! If the morning. once your girls are gone is the only time he can see you, it makes it extra hard on you because that is the time when we usually get the house and our day organised. I understand how this would make you feel like your life is all for him. In the first two years of my union with my mm, he would come over whenever it suited him which was a lot… when they love you and get you in that state, you want to spend the whole day together. This union with mm has so much restrictions and when you are grabbing at every opportunity, it does set you back. All of us here on this site can enter into the hurt and frustration of his wife arranging a Surprise holiday for him for his birthday. (she must have other plans). He say they are good friends. That makes you doubt straight away whether there is intimacy going on between them too and if WE knew that was going on (even though they tell us it is not) that would be enough to keep us strong and away from them. We become their slave when we believe all their sweet nothings to us. We deserve to be told the Truth and if you are not trusting him so much now, I\’d go with that. Honour your feelings Smoothy. They tell you Truth. if you want to keep this union with your mm alive, you have to have trust and a lot of trust is necessary here from you. they have a life that does not involve us. We are the ones who need to trust and that depends on the depth of our love for them and how genuine they are with us. Good Luck

  457. Feeler Says:

    I would also say that you ringing his wife would destroy the chemistry…it puts disharmony between you and chemistry can not exist with disharmony. do what you have to do. I feel for you and all the women here. None of us want to be alone: we all need love coming through some source and if this is the only source, then this is what we need to cling to. it must be a struggle for you keeping this from your girls. Any kind of secret is hard to manage because it does not fit with life that well. Hiding stuff kills the soul. Not being able to give our feelings full flow, is torturous.

  458. angry with my mm Says:

    I am frustrated today ladies bc he’s in that dreaming mode where he will rave and rave about the big questions to life and go round in circles. he uses me to do this and it’s like he’s asleep and has not even cared about asking me how i am (just wants me to listen to his ramblings). i feel like a brick wall in his thoughts. i told him after our ph contact thismorning (i rang him coz he was flooding my phone with his thoughts) that i was finding the conversation UNinteresting and confusing and that we needed to terminate it and i needed to chill (i felt like running a hundred miles). we spent an awesome moment together Friday evening, he went and did his own thing on Saturday and now, Sunday, he wants to re connect and after thismornings conversation, i feel like sh&%. he wants to do his own thing when he wants to do it (when it suits him) and then he expects me to be around for him when he is free. It limits my own life and i can not get into anything to make me feel better. he said he’d ring me later on and I replied that i am trying to organise something for the day. He said, ok, I’ll message you then. He tried to ring me an hour ago but i ignored it. he knows i’m not into him at the moment and is trying his hardest to win me back. well, guess what ladies, I’m not making myself available to him today and i just hope he does not drop in (seeing my car home). i hate the frame of mind he gets in where he’s all happy with life and forgets the vulnerable feelings involved in this relationship when it’s not going anywhere: the only commitment he will give me is the present moment. I do not appreciate him taking me for granted. I have a life too and will not be here for him when it suits him. He thinks he can just come and go in and out of my life but I’m tuning into this sleepiness and wanting to break free. i refuse to be part of his denial. Now here comes the paradox: i love him but also hate him… can anyone relate?

  459. me again... Says:

    yes, I’m still angry…. Angry that he just can’t see two feet in front of him. Angry that he knows my life and goings in and out (my timetable), Angry that he assumes i will always be here for him. Angry that HE IS TAKING ME FOR GRANTED, Angry that I keep giving in. Angry that he is not here for me when i need him to be. angry that he copies me; when i make a break, so does he. when i run, so does he. He does not pursue me any more. I have had years of this and am every now and then getting a glimpse of his real character. How can we ever get to know each other properly when we are only getting small amounts of time together here and there? I hate this relationship but am feeling trapped by it. Help me somebody… I so need to get my own life in order without always accommodating him. Why do we give ourselves to them? it’s like they know and are zoning in on our vulnerability but how come we are blinded so easily by them? i wonder whether I’ll ever be ready to let him go… My life is too full for him and everytime i make time for him, it seems to take a huge chunk out of my soul and something else in my busy life has to give. BS How does one stay true?

  460. smoothy Says:

    Hi Feeler

    Yes, everything you said is true all this happen.

    Different people has differenct opinion the meaning of chemistry
    in your side what is chemistry?

    Me and my MM everytime we are together is perfect it’s magical we have all the passion and lust together.

    Everytime we are apart the Frustration and missery day by day
    ruin my life.

    Trust, with all so many disspaointment and he has let me down for so many times, and found out that he Lied to me.
    with all that pain and hurt.
    I lost the Trust,Undesratnding, and Respect.
    whatever he says to me now, i feel numb and confuse if i beleive him or not.

    Everytime i have this voice in my head, this pain in my heart, i been sending him text messages and email with all my pain and i criticize him most of the time which he hated that so much.

    Now, i feel Numb and i just keep myself busy in my work, my self confidence and my self esteem has comeback with me, and i take care and look after myself that i go to gym regulary as part of my theraphy to unwind myself.

    but still there is a moment of me that he still in my head thingking about him.

    what shall i do?

  461. skeptical Says:

    We all really struggle with what our heart feels n what our mind tells us.. we want one thing n our mind tells us otherwise. i struggle with this everyday.. part of me is like, forget this, you dserve more than just here and there time, but then i love the time that we do have. i find myself constantly questioning if i can trust him..he’s so convincing n he’s been totlly honest about other things that he’s not so proud of. i want to trust what he’s saying.. but.. i’m skeptical. i tell myself to get out now cuz it already hurts and we haven’t been together that long, but my heart longs for him, his attnetion, affection, appreciation.. i just eat it up. i tell myself to take it as it is.. but i find myself investing more and more of me. it’s not easy, is it girls? i tell myself not to expect much.. take what u can.. hold back on telling him how u feel .. let him do the work.

  462. Julia 1 Says:

    We all feel that way. Your right Skeptical, we do struggle with our minds and hearts. We want what our heart wants to our mind. And when we are with our MM, it’s like nothing else matters but the time you have together.
    And yes skeptical, if they want us, let them chase us! I agree on that fully. Don’t wait around get up and go! It does piss them off.

  463. Isolde Says:

    Dear All..

    here i’m back..tearing “my favorite job now”
    i don’t believe all what’s happening after all what we had together..
    he didn’t even care about the day i’m coming..he had a rehearsal,called me after,only because i texted him..said to me that he’s not able to come but he will come evening..he just left now..feeling terribly bad and alone..he brought his little daughter with him so she was playing with my daughter too..
    of course we couldn’t talk..all what he said is he can’t come to me everyday as before and he’s worry because he feels i have expectations from him.
    why did he contact me again then??why did he say he needs to see me?
    i was bagging with no proud to let me see him soon again..he answered he doesn’t know!!
    i don’t know why i’m keeping this..i don’t know why i’m still sad of losing him not sad of losing my proudness?
    why am i not able to live without this pain?
    why i regret it when he say he wants to leave and i know he is not fair to me?
    why he made me feel so worry of my love to him and not worry of his hard way to me?
    i hate to live in the torture of being with out him and choose to live in the torture of his hardness to me..
    why am i still in love with this guy?!!
    i closed my eyes while choosing this pass..
    i stopped my life for him and it looks as if i’m glad when he is not fair to me.
    it’s all contradictory..
    he had chosen what he only wants..
    he is the one who came to me..
    i feel so pity for myself and he never felt pity for me..
    look at me now..destroyed myself for someone who doesn’t deserve it.
    i hate him as much as i love him.
    i really need help..

  464. Tuesday Says:

    Hi ladies,

    It seems like I missed alot this weekend. @ Angry with my MM, I understand your frustration, you love him in the morning and hate him in the evening as previously mentioned a YO YO effect.

    As I made mentioned before, this weekend I was doing my own thing, stayed at a hotel and enjoyed it until he kept ringing my cell phone off with text and voice mails. Can’t you just leave me alone for a moment – yes I was mad for I couldn’t turn my cell phone on airplane mode cause my mother was travelling. I answered one of his phone calls and he asked me if I loved him anymore, I told him I will say I love you when you are next to me for the rest of my life, until then my feelings are turned off and I am taking back 80% of my love and meeting him only 20% of the way, cause that is all that he has giving me. 20% is fair ladies, they want to be all up in our lives, all up in our business, you know why, cause there lives are non-existent and it thrills them that a single woman could lead such a life. I go out with friends and occassionally I date other men. They hate the fact we are independant and could leave anytime, that also scares them, cause we can leave at anytime and where would he be?? Yes we would miss them and yes our emotions will be all confused, but ladies we have the upper hand in this situation, cause our independence drives them insane.

    May we all find that determination to give them only what they give us and take back some of our love.

  465. Enhancer Says:

    20%. . . i like that. that makes sense to me. Yr right Tues, that’s all they give us. once we see something clearly, we can turn off our feelings just like that. yes, thanks Tues. You have got it.

  466. Miss Independent Says:

    Isolde, you have not destroyed yourself. you are a beauty. Tomorrow is a new day. do you think he has got somebody else? I can not understand how they can just switch off like that after something special. Whilever he can see that you want him, it is going to give him more power. Why not try to pretend you are going ok without him and are happy :-) You may just see him change his vibe toward you. I like Tuesday’s post: our independence drives them insane. if we allow them to sweep us off our feet and become dependent on them, we loose our independence and become no more a challenge to them. Do not let him see you sad. This will be the thing to destroy all chemistry. He needs to see the person he fell for in the first place.

  467. Julia 1 Says:

    I have missed alot from not being online this weekend I see! Isolde, you hold your head up high sweetie. He’s just an arrogant pig that does not know how good he has it. If he calls you, tell him your busy hanging with friends or something. Make up a lie, and see what happens. Don’t let him know he’s getting to you like Miss independent says. They do take away our independence and don’t like when we get it back, or our self esteem is up, they don’t like that. They don’t like us spending time with someone else. They think we should be on their beck and call. And it shouldn’t be that way. We are not a door mat to walk in and out on at their convenience.
    Tuesday I love the 20%! you go girl!!!

  468. smoothy Says:

    yes, that’s what i been doing and i have my own routine now for myself and i told to my MM, I have a lot of things to do and my theraphy is by going to gym 2-3 times a week, my friday is for my social friend, weekend is with my girls and my other sports, being busy with work and i really have to concentrate. i told to my MM that i can not be flexible anymore! it’s either my way or No way at all, and i say Goodbye!

    It is hard and difficult but i rather get out now or stuck with it!
    yes, i am heartbroken. I rather be living alone than living with someone or be with someone who is not right for me and just carry on using me. This time i take control now my life.
    My girls are grown up, they can take care of themselves now, i am Divorce, means Freedom!!! I want to make the most of my life now without any restriction from someone. 1 year me & my MM, that’s enough for me. Now i hope this is finally Over!

    If i only know this site before? i will not put myself for what i just been through! never too late, I will Free myself as much as i can. fingers cross i hope this is gonna be my inner peace that i won’t hear from him ever again.
    :-)

    good luck to the other ladies out there! get out while you can, the longer you stay, the more harder to get out!

  469. puzzler Says:

    One of you asked the question: Why are they so routine? I didn’t get it at first but now I understand what you meant. My mm says: Good morning EVERY Bl&*%$y morning via text… I got in first thismorning and deliberately did not mention it. I sent: How are you my love? He replied: Thankyou darling one, goodmorning, feeling pretty good… I then asked him Why he says Goodmorning every day so religiously… he then admitted he gets stuck in a rut and that is not healthy so I’m workin on him ladies… I hate feeling the rut thing. I will not be dragged into his way of life. He can not slow me down. I am wanting VARIETY. Routine becomes lifeless!

  470. Tuesday Says:

    Smoothy, I am glad that you decided to leave and just run your life the way you see fit. Nothing beats LIVING LIFE FULLY! It can be hard when you are mislead by lies and promises. Most MM try to use that PITY CARD, were we feel pity for them and sorry that they are stuck in a loveless marriage, a routine of nothingness (is that a word), like we are to blame, buddy you made your bed, now in it you lie. They tug at our hearts and our emotions and we begin to feel sorry for them and then when we wake up we are in an emotional relationship which has no committments or a solid foundation. Well, we all have a trumnp card, yes we might live alone and long for him to be by our sides, I myself was guilty of this, but I can come and go as I please, I do not have to go to the bathroom and whisper I Love you, or try to change up the conversation to make it seem as if he is talking to one of his boys. No I do not. I have an independent soul and a giving heart, I can leave early in the morning or come home late at night, as I mentioned before your independence drives them insane.

    Do we not notice that when we miss and mention that we are going out with friends or even a male hoping to get him jealous is when he wants to latch on, texting and voice mailing like crazy even at certain occasions beating you home and he wants to fume, hello, fume with someone else. Ladies there was a situation where I went away and did not call or even email my MM and he wanted to give me the silent treatment cause he thought I was snatched up with another man and if I was so be it. (I was with my aunt on a lovely beach vacation and I did not care about his feelings then)

    Do not tell me you want a divorce or do not tell your boys that you want a divorce, get the divorce, you say you do not want to lose me, you do not have me cause your ring is not on my finger and I never said an oath of love or loyalty to you.

    I do love my MM, but after three years or the same old I just take him in small doses, this he does not like and when he sees me pulling back, that is when he goes after me more, ahhh the thrill of the chase. I like it when that happens cause he can not say no if I ask him for something. Then he wants to get in the same routine, I am quick to say I am busy or I have plans. I mentioned to him, do not plan my life according to the vacancies in yours cause my life might not be vacant at that time.

    Do not fit into their schedule, let him fit into yours….

  471. skeptical Says:

    Dear Miss Independent, ok, i’m so glad i read your email this aftnoon as i really wanted to text MM, but held back b/c of your latest post (thx). i was so sad i didn’t hear from him (did what we have mean nothing? was it all a lie? how can he move on like that?) as he was back from his business trip and back to work today (we work together). so at end of the day, he texted me saying he realised that i’ll never be the one to text first n that he’s sorry to disturb me. of course i texted back reasurring that wasn’t the case. i was the last one to text him b/4 he went on his trip. so here i’m thinking things are over between us (was ready to txt and ask about how he wanted me to return some of his stuff) and he obviously isn’t thinking about me b/c he would’ve texted or called or made some effort to see me.. or even tell me he’s missed me. did he?? i wonder. maybe i was wrong, ya know.. maybe he’s as insecure as i am and freaked out, n needs lots of reasurrance. so i told him to come and see me- so he stopped by my cubicle. he looked really sad and worn out- like a lot has been on his mind. i texted him and told him we should chat sometime. we’ll see what happens, i suppose. thx ladies for helping me keep u my strenght to stay strong n independent (or appear to be).

  472. mary phyllis Says:

    talking of married men.. so far i cant complain because i am no ones responsibility n i dont owe anyone any obligation.
    i have dated two marrried men since i started dating..
    best thing is follow the above tips and u wont regret. have fun while its lasts
    if he misbehaves dont stoop low and beg just know ….to him u are replacable..

  473. japhllee Says:

    talking of married men.. so far i cant complain because i am no ones responsibility n i dont owe anyone any obligation.
    i have dated two marrried men since i started dating..
    best thing is follow the above tips and u wont regret. have fun while its lasts
    if he misbehaves dont stoop low and beg just know ….to him u are replacable..

  474. smoothy Says:

    To all ladies, reading all this it open up to me the reality and sickness of all this MM. We all learn from day by day situation, the hurt the pain all the dissapointment.
    My MM for the 1 year seeing each other, all the dissapointment and let me down over and over again, the Lies the cost me so much Pain. Everything he says to me good or bad, i got this reaction that i will argue with him everything for anything he says. i lost my trust completely, i can not believe anything he says, i lost my respect to him. Yes, i still feel in Love with him but why i can not Trust him at all? yes, i still want to see him, but my fear being hurt again and again?

    I this is it? I am Finally Free from him?
    I am moving On and got myself in Control to do what i lost before when i was with him?

    I focus more at my work, taking care of myself, having fun with my Friends and most of all i have the time now to have a good communication with my 2 teenager girls and having time with them.

    I don’t want to Curse or hate my MM
    What other people say is, I have to let go and forgive for me to easy to move on and this is what i am doing now.

    At the moment i am having my peach not hearing from him and i don’t contact him. I need a strong power to keep this up not communicating with him, and i want him cut out completely.

    By reading all different story from you all, this will give me will power not to contact him at all!

    thank you all ladies!! it’s an inspiration and it give me strength to fight my feelings to take him back. for now, i am confident NOT to take him back, i hope this will keep me forever now.

    At the moment i am OUT!!! i hope and pray is for good!

  475. skeptical Says:

    Every day we all deal with the ups n downs of our MM and the rollercoaster ride we get from it. the ups are so good, it’s hard to get off. today was an up day for me- lots of texting. he thought i was mad at him but didn’t say why.. i’m not mad, just was disappointed that didn’t hear from him (and felt it was over- but didn’t tell him that, yes, my insecurities got the best of me- how can they not when i know he’s lied, to his wife, and me??) i think he’s just as insecure as i am and pulls back at the slighest thought that i’ve pulled away.

    keep all ur heads up high, ladies, and realise how much we have to offer- our complete selves.. all that we offer these men, all that we are as people. who could ask for more?

  476. Puzzler Says:

    Dear Nabeelah,
    My heart sinks each time i read your posts. You are an amazing person to just get all that out. You are really facing your fears. Your honesty astounds me every time. Your panic attack… You could have been dead Nabeelah… Thank God you’re not! We love you so much. These guys have really f*&%£d us up haven’t they? I was only thinking that earlier. If they only left us alone in the first place, we would be oblivious and ignorant to the passion and excitement of being in love (whatever that is) but now that we have experienced it, we cannot do without it. It is like a drug addiction. same thing. We can’t go on without it. The withdrawal symptoms seem to kill us before we reach the end of the tunnel. I don’t think I will be satisfied with anyone else. My mm is on his own now but still tied – financially to his wife. The divorce will eventually come but i am still finding him the same. He needs lots of time, I wonder if I’ll ever feel ready to commit myself. i need lots of time or is it true what skeptical says: “i think he’s just as insecure as i am and pulls back at the slighest thought that i’ve pulled away”. it feels like that for me too… but he keeps saying that he is confident for us. we just both need time to get our lives on track. I can’t seem to detach from him for long periods. he feels the same way. That helps! Anyway Nabeelah, you’re going through so much grief at the moment girl. Don’t hate yourself. You need all the love you can get. Our attachment to these men make them the only ones to comfort… You are still only young and have a full life ahead of you. Go with this moment darls. one day at a time and go with what life provides, even if it is in the form of a mm.
    You are the Best Girl and an amazing example for all of us. Take Care of you xo

  477. Feeler Says:

    Smoothy, you sound so much stronger and like you have resolve. I am so proud of you girl. You say “for now” I like that. You say you need a strong power to not communicate with him. Yes, We’ve all learnt that this situation is too big for us to handle on our own. Emotions are so strong when we have a need. We all can not trust our strength around them or when they contact us. It is SO HARD to resist the love we crave: Impossible really. They know we are vulnerable. Keep up your strength Smoothy. We are all voting for you.

  478. skeptical Says:

    Yes, Feeler, i agree.. it’s so hard to resist the love we crave, impossible is right.. how can we not want it when we need it so bad? Nabeelah, hang in there girl, we are alll behind ya. Smoothy n Feeler- u have a lot of strength and really get it. i love the fact that we all undertstand and accept each other. no one knows about my mm, so it helps to write about it here.

  479. Julia 1 Says:

    Yes girls it is hard to resist the love we crave, and it is like an addiction! the more we get the more we want!
    Nabeelah, I hope you get over these panic attacks! The one you had while driving must of been scarry for you girl! my heart goes out to you!

  480. smoothy Says:

    Thank you Skeptical and Feeler, All of you ladies i been through with that past few months, until i turn myself for a professional help counsilor, i told her this is not me, is not what i am and who i am? it’s taking me deeper and deeper.
    Before i went holiday my counsilor told me i shouldn’t put myself into the ground i have to start lifing myself back slowly, i follow what she told me, and i Did it! I have read a lot also and listining meditation and ispirituality this makes me calm down. If we want to be Love the way we want it? We have to do it to ourslef first, once we do it to ourself?
    that is the kind of Love we recieve.
    We all have been vicitimize for selfishness and full of Lies with all this Married Man! Ladies, i been through a lot also like everybody else, they Use us until we forget ourselves, it’s easy to say than done! but if we don’t fight in our feelings? We are just putting ourselves deeper and be Hurt over and over again, they don’t deserve US! We are Great women, Strong and loving! Be Brave Love yourself first before them,
    We deserve better!
    It’s been how many days i am not contacting my MM, not hearing from him either.
    I keep myself busy, but at night when i get home? Yes, i do Miss him, i am heartbroken! still i don’t contact him at all!
    All this silly feeling it will past!!! f
    or now Yes! it’s Hard, it’s painful!
    but come on ladies… It is not the end of our Life!
    Why are we scared to loose our MM?
    Yes, there is a great Moment, but how many bad moment?
    We have to Weight all this and Ask ourselves?
    Do we prefer to Live with someone or to be with someone that everytime they did to us is DISSAPOINTMNENT??? AND LET US DOWN???? HURT??? AND PAIN???
    Ladies, I lost respect of myself completely becaus of this MM
    i nearly loose my work and i nearly loose respect of my girls.
    They told me to Stop and they said he is not worth it!!!
    they told me, I don’t need him!!
    He doesn’t support me, he is not paying my bills or anything?
    I am very Independent, single parent, doesn’t get any help from my Ex husband… then this MM i Ruin myself for Him???
    After i realise all this what i did to myself??
    I am getting myself back slowly until Now i am fighting really hard in my feeling not to take him back! at the moment i am in good position, i am holding on to myself not to go back!

    Please ladies… specially nabeelah
    if I can do it? All of you can do it better than i Did!!!
    Love yourself more than anybody, put yourself first than this poisonous MM!!! If they know how you Ruin yourself for your MM? they are laughing and winning, Don’t Let them! let’s inspired each other to fight all this with them!
    What do we really want from them?
    What do we need from them?

    We all have same story in a different way, but still we are all victimize!!!

    Life is too short, we only live once, let’s all be happy and make the most of our life!

    Ladies, get out and run to save your life while you can…
    the longer you stay, is more harder to get out!!!

    Ladies, please get the book from Ekhart tolle it’s a New Earth
    it’s really good and it helps me to learn the reality of life!
    you will learn about the Voice in our head, and our Pain Body and more.

    Ladies, i wish everyone of you will get over this for what happen to all of us! take care!

    I hope i will keep my strong hold of myself not going back to him! my inspiration is all of you ladies, if i only know this before? i will not let myself carry on to him for that 1 year! thank you all with all your stories, i hope i am really out for good! it’s too early to say that is finally over! i still have feelings for him and i am fighting this to myself!
    xoxo

  481. Tuesday Says:

    Smoothy…your words mean so much. You are so brave for leaving your MM and cutting off all contact with him. I want to cut off all contact and I have tried so many times, yet he reels me back in with that bait (sweet words and soft kisses). Today is MM’s birthday, and I saw him for all of a half hour, right ladies, I feel so foolish. I know what happens on birthday nights – Sex with the wife. Yet first thing in the morning, he will be ringing off my cell phone to tell me how much he missed me and loves me.

    I am taking it one day at a time, I can feel myself withdrawing from him, but there is a attachment still that has yet to severed. I became tired of the secrecy always hiding out and going to resturants where no one will know us. I am tired of hearing his stories about his kids and him expecting me not to react, but I do with just a simple “okay.” Why should the love that I give a man be hidden, he should be like Tom Cruise and jump up and down from the tallest building declaring his love for me. Why should he just be a drop of excitment in my life, which I think is fulfilling, should they not want to spend every waking hour with us and exploring our minds. I want to be wined and dined and showed off.

    They do not own us, we own then cause we can dictate their lives, we can be readily available for them or they can wait on us. I prefer the latter. Let him be disappointed that he can not see me, let him think who I am with and let him think some damn more…of how precious, important and irreplaceable we are to them. They try to tear us down with their words, that we will not find no one like them, trust me we won’t cause we won’t be fooled to love another MM again, so we will not find another one like them.

  482. Puzzler Says:

    Guess What I just realised… I am “still” craving his love, even though his wife is off the stage. I sent him this earlier text: Why is it I feel I give you 80% plus and you give me 20% minus?”
    I told him the other day that I feel like we’re only just hanging on. He said he feels satisfied with our love and that it is strong. Now I understand that I have been giving and giving and giving and he has just been feeling more and more and more confident with our love (bc I share so much with him) whereas I feel like we’re only just hanging on. It’s me who’s just hanging on, not him. He’s getting fat while I’m getting thinner… (emotionally). We give so much of ourselves bc we need so much. they give little bc they don’t need it as much. This really sucks.

    Maybe he’s not capable of giving more but no, that’s just me trying to make excuses for him. We know they are capable bc they can give so much when they fear loosing us… This is what kills when they withdraw. I thought things would be different but they are not.

  483. Nabeelah Says:

    RE: Smoothy

    I read your post it touched me deeply, that’s where I am at in my situation as well…I stopped all personal contact in terms of social chat’s and unnecessary interaction. I work with him so more than that I cannot stop.

    With reference to your post, the realization that how can we expect another person whether it be our “mm” or anyone else to love us perfectly and unconditionally when we don’t love ourselves that perfectly is allowing me to take more responsibility for my role in this relationship and gives more a sense of control and a feeling of all hope is not lost for me, I now have a starting point to recovery and that’s learning to love me again and setting my standards higher in the way I receive love. It’s easier said than done but it can be done and when accomplished I believe the faith I lost in myself will be restored.

    Everyday we look at various mediums to ease the pain of there “miserable marriages” and unsatisfied lives. The best medium to teach someone how to love and care for you is through self demonstration.

    My motivation is the fact that when I needed him “once” in this whole 10 months of being with him, he chose not to be there yes I didn’t directly ask but he undoubtly knew I was in a bad space and he chose not too care that hurt’s and no excuse in the world could validate his lack of concern because a simple 5minute phone call “are you okay” would have made the difference.

    As stated in my previous post he was away on business with the client I “suspected” him of sleeping with as crazy as I feel every time I say that it most probably is true 
    The thought of him being with her has validated my fear that all I was too him was a short term escape out of a long term problem and now I get to title my first experience as a “naïve girl being used” that causes me many sleepless nights.

    Did I really mean simply nothing?

    RE: Isolde

    Thank you for your call it was brilliant timing hearing a comforting voice on the other side of the line eased my mind and I was actually able to sleep instead of playing mind games with myself the “why’s ? “ and “how did this happen to me?” questions… Thank you!

    Also having you on FB knowing I can just drop you a message instead of my “mm” every time I’m feeling weak and down has really given me the strength I need.

    Thank you all for the love & support through such a trying time  Maybe soon we will get rid of the “mm” dilemma and stay on this site just because we have formed a close bond with each other and start discussing other issues with lot’s of hope I make that statement Lol ;-)

    XOXO
    Nabeelah

  484. Nabeelah Says:

    I mad I am really mad sooooo mad I could just scream from frustration!!!! Aaaaahhhh he drives me up the wall and not even in a sexual refrence!

    Today since we not speaking he simply get’s his wife to email me house hold things they require because poor me is just so willing to help where ever I can!!!!!

    I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM, I HATE HIM!

    Ooooooooooh god help me find another job to get the hell away from this freak… That leaves me with another question, in my religion it is said whatever hit you could have never missed you and whatever missed you could not have hit, so why has this hit me WHY ? WHY? WHY? if everything happens for a reason WHY? please help me find the answers? Because I just dont get it, the worst thing I ever done in my entire life was maybe getn drunk at a party ONCE in my teenage years LOl so why would anyone feel the need to teach me a life lesson in this really cruel way WHY?

    :-( :-( :-( Damn I need help!!

  485. smoothy Says:

    Weel done Nabeelah, I wish you all the best and be strong you can turn your situation around.

    goodluck!

    xoxo

    smoothy

  486. Feeler Says:

    Smoothy,
    You are so good. those examples of what you are now doing to keep yourself busy help give us ideas. I love that you are so positive. i also understand the loose respect for my girls comment. . . Yes, the mm get in your head with unresolved stuff and bam, the kids suffer. there is a beautiful group of women on this site at the moment. All your stories touch my heart so very much. Your therapist sounds like the best one for you. Mine was religious and i felt her judgement of my situation. She wanted me out without the empathy…
    Stay Strong Lady :-)

    Nabeelah,
    i love you. all the best girl. My mm sent me right out of my religion cos i couldn’t stand the denial/lie of it all. it has been very hard for me.
    This moment will pass but I hate him too for hurting you so much.
    Know that you are very special.

  487. Puzzler Says:

    Dear Nabeelah, i really empathise for and with you.
    You have gone down this path (you have been hit) because life has chosen you for greater things. This experience is shaping you for your future. You will be so much more understanding for these bitter experiences. hang in there girl. Your religious commitment makes you the caring, helpful person that you are and it sounds like he is taking advantage of this (religious abuse). Is your mm from the same church? is that how he knows your family so well and you know his? Your religious commitment also makes you feel so bad about this whole situation. God understands your side of the story… there are greater things ahead and you need this current experience to prepare you for that. Please believe that. “When the student is ready, the teacher comes”. This is a necessary part of your journey Nabeelah.
    Use the energy of your anger to do something to get you ahead. Use it for good. Take lots of care for you. Your new job will be presented when you have surrrendered.
    Let the tears flow…
    xxoo

  488. smoothy Says:

    ladies, What ever happening with us? we let this happen and we did it to ourself.

    In my 1 year with my MM, it happen to me like what happening to you all!

    This time i said to myself No More!!!!

    I have my family, my friends around me, very supportive and compassionate, and i have this Guy, single never married no kid. We been friend more tha a year, casual friend… We have said to each other no relationship, no commitment. this is the first time happen to me that not a single tiny argument or any frustration i never have this with him. Due to his relationship in the past and my past, We have agree both of us that we stay as good friend. Everytime i feel down or anything that something trouble me? he rescue me and give me company.
    A cuddle and sholuder to cry on, someone will respect your feeling, and appreciate how great we are as a person that we don’t deserve someone Bully Us like those MM.

    Ladies, never too late to have a great Life rather than, frustrating ourselves from the MM.

    Don’t let them get your nerve! Don’t let them bully you!

    If you work together? if you can find another Job? Do IT!
    staying working with your MM? Your Life will be in Hell for how long????

    Everything happening to Us is our own choice, our own decision, We don’t have obligation to them, they have Obligation to their Wife & kids. We have our choice without any obligation.

    We have more Freedom than them! Embrace it and love it!
    Freedom our own time, Only for ourself. We should Enjoy and Be happy!!

    Be Strong ladies, Our Life is more precious than them!

    it is only US, ourselves who can answer and solve our own Problem to ourself.

    I went for professional Help, Ladies, try it, get it out and speak to one of any counsilor. Save yourself before it get worst!
    Life is great! it’s a special gift from god! If we keep carry on to let them treat us like this? our life will be waisted.

    what is it really the Purpose of our Life?
    what do we want in our Life?
    is this the Purpose of our Life?

    We made a wrong choice, We made a wrong Decision.
    Because all this? we should learn and we should make our life better for what we deserve.

    right now with me? I am absolutely feeling Great!
    my achievement is i am not contacting or texting or email him at all!!!! I feel My Normal Life is Back!!!

    I hope and Pray that this is really for good now that i won’t hear anything from him ever again, If i will hear from him again? it will distruct me again and Please,please i need to be Strong to fight this feeling, I really need a strong Will Power when this happen if i hear from him.

    Ladies, Be Strong! Be Brave! you can do it!!! :-) <3 xoxo

  489. Feeler Says:

    Dear Smoothy
    You are an inspiration and good lead for us. You are growing at such a tremendous pace. I have Eckart Toles books (including Stillness Speaks). They are great. life is all about putting all your focus into the present moment, apart from a few goals. Let our goal be that in one years time we will be rid of our mm… Write them down somewhere. Don’t flounder in the moment. They disable our focus. We get frustrated with our kids, our performance with our work/job also suffers. Life does not revolve around them. Thanks again Smoothy for your renewed confidence in yourself.

  490. Miss Independent Says:

    Dear Confused
    Are you still with us? I’m wondering if I said something to hurt? How are you going? Your last post said you were wanting to get out. The thing is, you’ll always be tied to him with this baby. It will be a continual reminder of him. I hope he comes to his senses and gives you the treatment you deserve. You are strong and independent. Don’t let this rob you of that. It’s hard to remain strong for our mm. They seem to only like us when we are strong.
    stay happy. We are here to support your mind throughout this. xo

  491. skeptical Says:

    Hi ladies, so here’s an update.. yesterday MM and me had a long talk.. i told myself i wouldn’t say how i felt.. and that went out the window….but it was comfortable n he got it out of me..and told me how much he missed me.. more than i knew..the intimacy we have is incridible. i’ve never felt this close before, never.. though he has with some else. i’ve never had this depth.. i smile at the thought of him, we have this amazing conection..i can’t tell you how amazing and i mean emotionally.. of course with that there’s some pysical too.. i just can’t let go.. i want more and more.. its sooooo addicting. never been this way about anythign or anyone. i wish he was able to give me more.. more time with him.. i feel like i’m falling in love and i think he feels that way too.. the way that we look at each other.. the things hes done. NO one knows any of this.. no one. not even my best friend. we all work together n i’m protecting him.

    so ladies, guess what happens today- a guy that is single, very eligble, attractive guy that i also work with asked me out. i know i should go.. i wouldn’t mind hanging out with him, but.. heart totally belongs to MM and if i don’t, people will wonder what the f is wrong that i’m not datng again. what if mm finds out- i know, he has another life with wife/kids, i’ve been honest.. do i tell him? what if this other guy he trys something pysical? not sure what to do. i have no ovious reason not to go out wiht him..

  492. Tuesday Says:

    Skeptical…do not tell him. Does your MM tell you everything? Does he tell you when he takes his family out for dinner? When he takes his wife out for lunch? NO he does not. Do not let him into your private life. Yes you can love him, but have a life seperate from his. At times we let the missing my MM get the best over our emotions that we can not think straight in fact function straight in life. I allowed my MM to do that until I said no more. I started dating other men and I was out to dinner at a nice resturant and I bucked my MM with his wife and kids. He was livid cause he only could stare at me across the room and watch as another man touched my face and made me smile. Naturally I got a nasty text later that night and he was ringing off my phone which I did not answer. We control them, we can either allow them to control us or grab hold of the situation and show him how beautiful and irreplaceable we are. It is a choice we can make. I was so tied up in my MM that other people thought I went the other way cause they never saw me with a man in public, at parties I was solo, office functions solo.

    Miss Independent…honey, we tend to get the short end of the stick all the times, when we have to deal with their pressures from work, etc. I mentioned before that my MM got me a life insurance policy in the event he dies – this is where it gets confusing (What do I do?). I know he loves me and that he is happiest with me, but why would you leave your happiness behind and go into HELL with her each and every night. He is an introvert and he plans and prepares his life in his mind without tell me until the last moment. His friends tell me that all he does is talk about me, one even mentioned that we need to get engaged despite the situation – is his head right!!! I guess I am more lucky than most cause I see my MM everyday or the least 5/7 days. Not everyday is the same, and when he is working on a project for work he would always come by and bring me dinner before a long night in the office. I have been with him three years and ladies, honestly in his presence his wife called his cell phone ONCE. I always tell him that I do not want to know the workings of his house, I want him to leave not because I came between them, but because he wants to be with me or not at all.

  493. Maddie Says:

    PERFECT! FINALLy, A PLACE WHERE I CAN VENT MY LITTLE HEART OUT!!
    I’ve always been a free spirit but i’ve def out done myself with this whole, getting involved with a mm deal. I was totally caught off gaurd when a mm @ at work started flirting w/me nonstop. I knew he was married, so i blew him off . He wouldn’t stop until he got my number(& of course, he just so happend to be amazingly gorgeous!!). I never expected to be sitting here a year later, feeling this strongly for him! ughh! I had my gaurd up for a while…but yeah, its long gone! lol

    This is the first time in 23 yrs, anyone has been able to have me so confused. i dont know what or how to feel. He’s told me i’m the only one, he has feelings for me, its not all about the sex, blah blah blah. Ive never told him how much he means to me bc, whats the point? I mean, he is married and i’m THAT girl. Last night i let him know I couldn’t continue seeing him. ;(
    it suckkks to say bye to a man who can make me feel that amazing.

    I feel like if i keep seeing him, im going to end up broken hearted & lonely. Maybe he honestly does have strong feelings for me. The thing is, “maybe” just isnt good enough for me. when it started getting to the point of me worrying about him possibly sleeping with other girls, i knew it was time to get outta this mess.

    I totally believe in the saying, “Play with fire and you’re going to get burned.”
    Im bummed right now & definitely miss him already but i have no choice but to say good bye. If he loves me, he’ll knock down the wall i put around my heart.

  494. RE: skeptical Says:

    My advice to you is..,Just be real with him. Don’t lie about going on an innocent date. Don’t give him the 411 are anything, but definitely put it out there that youre going on a date. Since you all work together, theres a good chance he’ll find out even if you don’t tell him. goood luck!

  495. Nabeelah Says:

    Hi All

    Welcome Maddie, yip this is the perfect venting site Lol ;-) You sound rather strong and optimistic keep it up!

    RE: Feeler thx for the love and support, im needing all the TLC I can get right now :-)

    RE: Puzzler this is going to make my situation sound even more sick but here goes: My “mm” is married to a relative of mine thus he knows my family. Not to lighten the above but I only met her about 3 years ago when she started working for the company I was employed at, I resigned shortly after she started but in that 6 months of working with her we had really become close I than only met her husband for the 1st time at our year end function and when I resigned from my post she requested that he offers me a position at the company he was working for… I was grateful to both of them and we all chatted alot about simply everything a few months down the line he was having marriage problems I was having Fiance problems and things justed stemmed from there…

    If anyone of you ladies should have come to me months ago before we formed a relationship and shared with me all the stories I have shared with you about him my response would be ” You are reading everything wrong, the man I know would never hurt a fly consciously talk to him and clear it up his an amazing man with so much character, I would bet every asset I own on that” Wow havent my mind set change.

    I am hurting a lot still and finding my way slowly around everything, I know as soon as I can find peace with my experience everything else would fall into perspective.

    My objective is staying away from him emotionally and physically… By December I do not want to waste a second of my time thinking of him anymore. I cannot and will not dedicate a year to this sick relationship.

    Isolde: You have helped me so much just being able to message you at anytime I feel sad or irrational has gotten me through this week in one peace… AND LADIES NO PANIC ATTACKS getting to talk to someone directly has eased some of my stress thanks!

    XOXO
    Nabeelah

  496. pumpkin Says:

    Hi Maddie, welcome to your new support group :-)

    Skeptical,
    I just read your post and your mm’s got you exactly where he wants you and after amazing sex, you love them soooo much and the chemistry/spark is heightened after a period of absence (especially when you think it’s over in the absence time) Making up is the BEST.
    I think you should give this new guy a go. “Don’t let him pass by”. Your mm has another life without you, You are totally his and nobody knows about that… he will NOT give up on you easily. He’s cheating on you (by having another life where you don’t even exist) so don’t feel bad taking this one on. Let this new experience take you where it will. We can only give one person our heart at a time. I can imagine it would be hard to do. I reconnected with my first love again after 18 years (i was going out with mm at time but i was away on holidays – miles away). We’d both got married and broke up. I never forgot my feelings for him and had to go back (for closure after all those years) seeing we were both free and willing. Well, I had the chance to get physical with him after spending a day together (he took me out on his boat, we fished, we went to a restaurant that night for tea). I wanted so bad to kiss him. So then we went back to my confidants place and were in the bedroom under a sleeping bag (cold night) watching a movie. I kissed him, he offered to give me an org…… but I couldn’t do it…My body was screaming NO!!! so i didn’t… he wasn’t concerned and respected my decision. i honestly do not feel he was ready anyway. The chemistry that use to exist between us was no longer there. it felt wrong. My confidant, at the time asked me later, who did you think of when you were kissing him? I said my mm… Yes, my heart was with him (mm) and i couldn’t get his face out of my mind when i was kissing this other guy… So please do go there for your own curiosity (if nothing else) if you don’t (and you say he’s gorgeous), you may regret it later. Your mm can never give you the time a single guy can. All the best with that. It’s a bit tricky when they’re all at your work though: could make things uncomfortable for you. in that space but it’ll silence the suspicion that could arise if you don’t.. It’s up to you but that’s my advice. If you tell your mm, he’ll try his dam hardest to love you the best way he can so that he can keep you in the shell he has made for you (see my post September 19). Go for it girl but in the end it’s your decision. good luck!

  497. Isolde Says:

    Hi All dear ladies..

    Here i’m “no more tears” i finished all crying i have..
    we completely broke up..i think this time is sure..
    we chatted few days ago,told me that he wants to come visiting me but he can’t so i asked why?!!
    and the answer was shocking to me although i know it happens,
    so he told me he’s talking with his wife,will have a drink together then “i don’t want to continue what will happen after” this’s what he said meaning that he will have sex with her!!!!!
    how come he told me such thing clearly??how come he asked me to visit me the next day because he misses our intimate times??!!
    i felt so disgusted i cried like i never cried before..
    i wrote a text asking him never try to contact me..i wrote him the most terrible words..i told him how selfish he is,jerk….all what you all can imagine of a woman who feels that she was used by the man who she loves..i even felt the wish to call his wife and tell her all what he did to me so i turn his life into hell as he did to me..and sure i can’t.
    i blocked him in all my chats i deleted his numbers,deleted all the nice emails that he sent me since we started everything,i was keeping them as treasures.
    i started to have heart problems,had to go to the doctor because of the pain i have always,he advised me to get myself out of any stress because it’s affecting my health.
    of course he didn’t contact me and i think he will not anymore because of my last text..

    Skeptical,

    i met a guy 2 months ago during my orchestra tour,we talked a lot,and he asked for my email so we can meet as i come back because he lives in the same city i live now,
    he sent me some emails and asked me to go out with him yesterday..
    i’m not in the mood of meeting a new guy,but my 2 best friends here supported me to do just to change this bad energy i have..
    i met him last evening,he’s so nice “Single” man,we talked for 3 hrs nonstop..we laughed a lot,somehow i felt relaxed,
    he asked me for other date next week,and i think i will do it..
    i need to stop thinking of “mm”
    it’s a poison in my whole body.
    so i advice to do it too,it will help a lot.

    Nabeelah..

    it’s pleasure to be your friend and try to make it easy for u,
    i wish to help you so much,you are such a sweet person.
    you have no idea how your texts helps me too

    i wish you all dear friends all the happiness,i’m so glad we have such site and to have all of you here,many kisses and hugs

  498. THE SMARTEST PERSON HERE Says:

    REAL LOVE IS ABOUT ALLOWING A PERSON TO LIVE THEIR LIFE ON THEIR TERMS AND ACCEPTING WHO THEY ARE AT ANY GIVEN POINT IN THEIR LIFE.

    MY GRANDPARENTS WE’RE MARRIED 67 YEARS AND DIED A YEAR APART. THROUGHOUT THEIR MARRIAGE (FROM THE YOUNG AGE OF 16) THERE WAS INFIDELITY ON BOTH SIDES AT SOME STAGE. AND CHILDREN WERE PRODUCED.

    BY SOCIETAL STANDARDS THEY HAD EVERY REASON NOT TO BE TOGETHER. BUT THEY STAYED THROUGH ALL OF THAT. AND IN THE END, THEY TRULY HAD WHAT “LOVE” IS.

    ITS UNCONDITIONAL (THAT MEANS WITHOUT CONDITIONS, AND YET A CHURCH MAKES YOU SAY VOWS THAT ARE NOTHING BUT CONDITIONS. LOL. IRONIC.) IT MEANS YOU ALLOW A PERSON TO

    LIVE

    FULLY AND FREELY. OPENLY AND HONESTLY. LOVE IS NOT MAKING A PERSON BE SOMEONE THEY ARENT AND DO SOMETHING THEY DONT WANT TO DO.

    A REAL MARRIAGE SHOULD NOT END IN DIVORCE OVER CHEATING, MISTAKES, ARGUMENTS OR ANYTHING ELSE. THATS WHAT LIFE IS. HUMANS MAKING HUMAN MISTAKES. LOVE IS ABOUT STAYING WITH THE PERSON WHILE BOTH OF YOU MAKE YOUR WAY IN THIS WORLD.

    ITS NOT ABOUT CONTROL, OR OWNERSHIP, OR RULES AND REGULATIONS, ITS ABOUT LEARNING TO LOVE SOMEONE DESPITE THEIR “FAULTS” OR “DESIRES” OR “DECISIONS”

    NOW IM NOT TELLING YOU TO LET A GUY BEAT YOU UP OR ANYTHING. WHAT IM SAYING IS WHEN YOU COMMITTED IN AN OTHERWISE LOVING RELATIONSHIP, AND SOMEONE CHEATS, IF YOU REALLY LOVE THEM YOU SHOULD NOT LEAVE. ITS LIFE. ITS A CHALLENGE. AND WHEN YOU MAKE IT THRU IT ULTIMATELY YOU KNOW EACH OTHER BETTER AND ARE CLOSER.

    THOSE “OBSTACLES” IN LIFE ARE WHAT MAKE LOVE = LOVE. LOVE IS NOT PERFECT. AND ALL OF YOU IN THE WORLD ARE LOOKING FOR PERFECTION THAT DOESNT EXIST THATS WHY EVERYONE IS PERPETUALLY UNHAPPY AND CONSTANTLY SWITCHING PARTNERS AND MARRIAGES, LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT BEHAVING PARTNER.

    INSTEAD OF JUST BEING WITH THE PERSON THAT YOU LOVE ENOUGH TO ALLOW TO LIVE THEIR LIFE AND MAKE THEIR JOURNEY.

    NOW ALWAYS BE SAFE, WHETHER SINGLE OR MARRIED.
    USE PROTECTION. DONT DO WHAT YOU DONT WANT TO DO. BUT BASE YOUR DECISIONS OFF OF YOUR OWN BELIEFS AND KNOW WHY YOU BELIEVE WHAT YOU BELIEVE…………………………………………

    BUT DONT PUT YOUR BELIEFS ON YOUR PARTNER OR SOCIETY. WHAT YOU THINK ISNT THE ULTIMATE TRUTH. HOW YOU LIVE ISNT HOW THE PERSON NEXT TO YOU SHOULD LIVE. EVERYONE IS AN INDIVIDUAL.

    UNDERSTAND??

  499. Julia 1 Says:

    Enhancer I agree with you totally. That person must of been burned badly!
    No one can judge us unless they are in our situation. No one chooses who they fall in love with. And its not just about sex. It’s about honesty, friendship, ect.
    I did not choose to fall in love with my married man. It happened. I knew going in what I was getting into. But over time we all grow feelings. He spends alot of time with me, we see each other everyday. he calls a few times a day when he’s at work, or home, or out. He don’t come see me just for sex.
    If they are cheating on their wives, there is obviously something wrong with the relationship. NO ONE IS PERFECT, we all have faults. If it was a perfect world, we all would be happy wouldn’t we???? And if we KNEW IT ALL AND WERE ALL SMART, we would be happy wouldn’t we?? I THINK THAT IS WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT! We learn as we go, as we don’t KNOW IT ALL!
    To me we live life to our fullest! Enjoy each day as it comes. Live for Today, as tomorrow may never come!

  500. Confused Says:

    I believe if we were in it to just have sex we would not be having the issues we have with our MM. We would be able to let go and move on. But what they tell us and how they treat us is what they get us hooked on. Everyone deserves to be loved the way they want to be loved. Sometimes we can\’t help who the person turns out to be. Especially when it just kind of happens. But this site is just for encouragement and for most of us to just get out what we are feeling because we do not have anyone else to talk to. We don\’t judge anyone who just wants to vent what is going on with their MM. We listen and we are there for them. I love listening to everyones stories… It helps me get thru what I am going thru. It is not easy when you do not have anyone to turn too that will understand. I can\’t talk to some of my friends because they are married. It is nice to come on here and to just let it all out because I know someone else is going thru what I am too. I have people who can relate. I do not like when people get on here and try to discourage us or try to put us down. They have to realize that it goes both ways. It is not all our fault when it comes to these MM. That is all I wanted to say and I hope no one gets discourage just because one person thinks they know everything about us thinks they can put us down. Keep our heads up and keep the posts coming. I love hearing the stories. We are all beautiful woman and we all have good hearts and our love and affection is what gets us trapped in our mess. :)

    XOXO

  501. Miss Independent Says:

    you are right Confused, it is our mess, nobody elses. They need to mind their own business without sticking their noses into other people’s lives. it’s our choice what we do with our lives and we are learning from those choices. Yes, mine just happened too but we do, at some point choose but the need we have is so great that we follow our needs at the time. We ALL do this. No one is stronger than the other. We all have strengths in different areas. No one has any right to judge another. We are all struggling to make ends meet and all doing what we need to do.

    The societal sheep are the ones who can’t mind their own business!!!

    Evolving is all about seeing each other as equal and the only thing that disrupts that is EGO.

    Thanks for your comments women :-) xx

  502. Julia 1 Says:

    Very well put Confused & Miss Independent! Like I said too. We don’t live in a perfect world. And it’s no one’s business but ours! I like these people who THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL!
    EVEN THE SOCIETAL SHEEP CHEAT!!!!
    This site is great for all of us to vent, and and share!
    Smile Ladies, we are all in this together..:))

  503. skeptical Says:

    Tuesday, Isolde, Pumpkin- thank u ladies for ur feedback. its much appreciated. i still haven’t said anything to him yet n not sure if i will or not.. part of me wants to see him jealous, like how i feel about his wife (though he doesn’t know that), and make him see i’m wanted. know what i mean? and then part of me is like, you know i’m not going to be ur life forever, so what am i going to do.. i need to start thinkin of my future n my familly. so we had another long talk again.. he’s been looking for another job b4 i came in the pic- out of state. he says he’s having hard time torn what to do. hates his job here. cant find that kind of work anywhere but out of state. he says i’m all he thinks about.. goes to bed thinking of me,wakes up thinking of me.. is falling for me (we haven’t said love u yet and we havent had sex yet)/ i told him i cant let go.. i struggle- he says he does too..i just dont want to n yet my head tells me run like hell b/c he oviously doesnt see u in his future.. i couldnt stop crying this weekend (he didn’t know) about thought of him leaving in a few months..i just cant imagine life without him.. hes everything i couldve dreamed of..and have dreamed of. i wanted to write him a letter of how ive felt, but what’s the point i guess.. it’s gonna end it’s just a matter of when.. so i put myself through this torture.. the price ya pay for some super good feelings..

  504. maddie Says:

    re: the smartest person on this site

    I guess some people are still playing that sad tune of humans being prisoners to their precious biological urges. Well guess what? When I get angry, I sometimes want to choke the person who has upset me. it feels very much like a matter of survival at times, but it isn’t & I’m able to control the temporary inclination through other means. how about this..sometimes I feeel like have sex(even right after havingit) or I’m gonna go craaazy. Oddly enough, the urge usually dissipates as soon as I get dressed and turn on the tv. Our logic, decision-making capabilites, and imaginations have evolved to allow us to control those longstanding biological urges that are potentially detrimental 2 our safety or well being, or that of someone else. Sex never has to be mechanical or rote. It is what you make it, just like everything else in this world.

    You’re right about life being deep. & bc it is, that’s why “something As trivial as sex”, can seem so damn dramatic.
    I live my life by my own rules. I don’t care how or what my friends do behind closed doors. That is their choice, who am I to judge them?

  505. Tuesday Says:

    I’ve missed you so much ladies, but I have been hitting the books (2 weeks until my exam). A lot has happened since, THE SMARTEST PERSON HERE…Okay, and who makes them Judge, Jury and Executioner in our lives. A bunch of BS if you ask me, or someone who has been so burnt in life that they only could vent.

    I look at you ladies as my closet friends, cause I can talk to you and you understand without judgemental eyes or whispers behind my back. Each day is a challenge, not knowing the outcome of a relationship. At any day he can call us out and say that it is over – ESP if his other half finds out or even his family. I’ve asked my MM what would happen if her family found out about us or even her, yes he said he would admit it….please do you actually think that I believe him. I would be dropped like a hot potatoe. He always claims that he is my boyfriend and how much he loves me and how I am his heart, well a heart can not beat with out the body right?! The ball is always in our courts ladies, it is up to us, if we want him for ourselves, then go ahead and do it, one of my friends married her MM after years with him, I know not all of us will have our happy ending, I myself might not have a happy ending, but I will always keep in mind that if I kiss him goodnight or goodbye, he is at home in his pajamas wondering if I am kissing on another man. Our MM’s know that we have the power and the will to leave whenever we want, so ladies if you want to date other men then go ahead, when he is home changing diapers or eating her meatloaf go out with that hunk you cut up with in the coffee shop or at the pharmacy….go ahead.

    People might judge us and their wives might call us whatever they want, but we always have that single trump card right, we can flaunt our singleness in his face if we want to or succumb to his lowness when he says that you can not go out cause he is home with his family. If we left him alone or sent him back home…what would happen, the same boring sex he had with her will lead him to another arms. The most important thing is try not to cry in front of him or show too much emotion, he will use this against you. Let him call, let him come to you, let him shower you with gifts, let him wine and dine you ladies. He never had it so good, never experienced a woman of your worth, maintain an independence from him, cancel dates with him or tell him you have other plans even if it is only a nice bath and a good book. It works!!

    Ladies, I love my MM and nothing would make me happier with him by my side, married to me, but until I decide to up and leave or until he decides he can’t take it anymore and wants to be with me…..he is not winning my independence. NO WAY NO HOW!! I am going to date other men, I am going out with my friends and I am taking vacations without him, but I will tell you he will inadvertantley pay for those vacations. If he offers you money ladies take it, part of our pain and suffering, we can’t have access to his accounts fully, so take it when it comes along. He wants to buy you a shoe, so be it. Order the lobster and the shrimp and the finest wine on the list, let him know that he is in the presence of a queen and that you are to be treated like royalty.

    Love you ladies to pieces, Skeptical, Miss Independent, Julia 1, Confused, Maddie (our baby – since you are new), love you all. I wish you nothing but happiness. Remember you are beautiful and shine radiantly! Kisses.

  506. Julia 1 Says:

    That’s right Tuesday! I agree with you totally. We do have the power to do as we please. I have gone out with a few other guys. I’ve taken off, and it really pissed of my MM. But it makes him know I have the power to stay with him, or I have the power to break it off. And he knows this, and has told me this.
    I went out to the clubs Friday night. My mm called me a couple of times. The last time he called was 230. Well I was still in the bar drinking with a couple of friends. He heard male voices and wondered why I was still out. Told him joys of knowing the bartender! He told me to call him when I got home. At 3:40am I was coming in the door and my cell phone went off. It was him, but I ignored him. I had a message with “BYE”.
    Well the next day he called and said he was worried about me getting home, and stuff, but I told him I was a big girl. And could take care of myself. He was jealous as hell. He got kind of smart ass with me on Saturday night and threw in my face maybe he would go home to get lucky. I told him to have fun. Well he’s been suck holing ever since. I normally see him everyday, but have been saying I have company and out when he’s been calling.
    Well last night he called me when I was in bed, and asked if we were alright? I said I’m fine. Then he asked again then stated him and I. So I told him I was pissed off at him for what he said to me Saturday night, and he couldn’t apologize enough. He said he went home to the couch where he sleeps every night. Then he said the only reason why he said it was because he was jealous as hell that I was out Friday night, heard guys voices after hours in the back ground and thought I brought someone home with him. That’s where I always remind him, unless he’s ready to make a decision, he has no right even if I did bring someone home to say anything to me. Which in truth he don’t, and does know that. So of course now, he wants to get back on the right track, and sit down and have a long talk.
    I like you Tuesday love my mm. He treats me excellent, does buy me lobster, and will give me anything at any time. I don’t depend on him though, financially or emotionally! I have always been very independent, and that’s one thing he admires about me. But someday it will all come crashing down on me, and break my heart. Or it will go my way, and he will leave her to be with me. He states that’s what he wants, but she would soak him for everything. But I keep reminding him, I would rather be happy and broke then have everything and be miserable!

  507. Tuesday Says:

    Julia 1…I am happy that you went out even if to a bar, now you see how he responses to your nights out. Let him be jealous, he knows that he can lose you in a second. You are beautiful, wonderful, smart, and loving. They say that love can be true, I’ve realized that being with my MM that love can not be true, cause love does not hide or conceal, it is open and fresh, love though can be pure with a MM, because we give our all, our heart to him. I might sound wrong to you, but I do remind my MM that I am still available and looking. I tell him things like “waiting to meet my prince charming” or anything along that line to remind him, I can come and go at anytime. If he wants me he can do what he wants to be with me…One day I will tell him I prefer to have nothing at all instead or part of someone.

    Keep him guessing about your whereabouts, I love to turn my phone off when I go out and hear his voice mails either the next day or later that night. What do they sound like, like a man who wants to be with a woman…..nothing beats the upper hand and we have that. They will always be mad at our going outs but keep doing it, once you stop then he thinks he has you completely. My MM is like…well you have to study, but I had that all worked out, I study before I go out and on the days I do not go out I study extra hard.

    It might come crashing down on you…but enjoy the happy times right about now, while building up yourself and preparing your heart.

  508. pumpkin Says:

    You ladies are amazing. those last two posts. Wow, what strength!
    Yes, if it is going to work with our mm, be prepared for the years it will take him to properly let go and tie up all the loose ends! it does take years. Tuesday, your post reminded me of something i read in a book once.
    to quote: “there are many ways to manipulate another person, including being “friendly” only when one expects to get something from the other, suggesting disasterous outcomes to another’s plans, and acting as if something has been agreed to or decided that hasn’t been agreed to or decided. Following is an eg of manipulative verbal abuse:
    Ellen had gone back to school for her MA degree. She discovered that when she needed to study for her finals, Ernie seemed to have very important things he needed her to do. Also, she noticed that very frequently when she was sitting and studying, Ernie would approach her and say in a very solicitous way, expressing great concern, “are you ok honey?” Ellen would reply, “Oh, I’m fine, why?”
    “i just wondered if you were ok,” Ernie would answer.This occurred many times over many months before Ellen realised how uneasy she was beginning to feel about studying and how Ernie’s implication that something was wrong with her when she studied was undermining her determination.
    Ernie never made this comment, if nobody else was around.”

    We are the lucky ones, we have distance and space, hopefully enough to allow us to see what’s going on. they are not in our face all the time like Ernie could be bc he was living with Ellen.

    the BEST ADVICE for all you ladies here on this site (including myself) is maintiain your own independence. The above two letters are incredible. You women have electrifying strength.

    The Are you Ok thing is an attempt to stop us from engaging in a personal pursuit.

    keep your eyes wide open girls and keep asking yourselves the question: “Does he (mm) really care about me?”

  509. skeptical Says:

    Pumpkin, Tuesday, Julia- very well said, ladies. i can’t say it enough. you hit it right on the head. i wish i had ur strength. i can’t help but to answer almost all his calls..to take whatever time he gives me. i find myself so emotionlly depend. on him, its scary. hes offered help financially to, but i have not really accepted, other than small gifts. but ur right, we deserve to be treated well, the finest, like queens. i still havent decided about going out with the other guy we work with.. i want him to be jealous, i do (is that bad to say?) so the day i’m possibly going out with this other guy is the one where we usually are together. should be interesting. thx ladies for all ur support, strength, encouragement..you are the best. xoxox

  510. skeptical Says:

    Miss Independent..thx for ur wise words. yes, i’m trying to be strong and indp.. he’s offerred to help financially knowing my ex left me in a bad spot,but i declined. he knows i’m proud n want to take care of myself. he knows i’m emotionally dependent on him. again tonight we had another long talk n got real deep with how were feeling. neither one of us wants to give it up cuz the conection we have is beyond incredible (emotionally, not phys.) both of us struggle wiht heart and head. head says to run, all this will be hurt, end it now and heart says i just cant let go to the closest connection ive ever had in my life..i enjoy every minute.. every second i have with him n just want more time.. i don’t care about material gifts (which he hasn’t given, just paying for dinner, activites). i just want him..

  511. Nabeelah Says:

    Hi Ladies

    It’s been awhile and so much negative and positive things has happend since my last post…

    I dont dream of anything other than to go back to a time when I have peace of mind once again.

    I am not one to judge, I have and still is inlove with a married man. Ladies it’s wrong there are no 2 ways arround it. Building yourlife on that wrong can only mean more pain, sadness and deception along the way.

    I want you all to google a article called what Oprah had to say about men. It’s raw, beautiful and deep. One things that stands out for me is ” If a man really wants you nothing and I mean nothing can make him stay away!” she also says in this article “if a man really doesnt want you nothing can make him stay!” and dont fool yourself into think his constant return to you means he cant stay away it’s only means he is turned on or emotionally vulnerable and needs some self assurance!

    Stop putting yourselves through this endless toture and you all no what torture I am talking about because no women who has ever dated a mm has not gone through this “torture” whether you independant, sophisticated, treated well by your “mm” we all at one time or another want more it’s only human!

    Since my post titled my “last post” I have been on this mission to end things and yes I desire to be intimate with him again emotionally and physically… Nights are the longest and hardest but enough is enough I am almost 2 months without him and dont applaud me everyday is an uphill battle and I feel on edge all the time. Choose to deal with reallity now than have to be forced to deal with it later when you just become a mistake his made!

    It’s hard very hard! I compare it to using drugs the withdraw symtoms in the first few months is what makes people give up and go back.

    I wish you ladies strength I am at the end of this journey and is seriuosly in withdrawl right now rather now than later when i have invested more of me and more of my time to a dead end road…

    I feel dead but I have faith I will get through this, pain is part of life and I want to live to feel every emotion not only the good ones!

    Just one day at a time, just one moment at a time! That’s the solution to all the madness!

    Love
    Nabeelah
    XOXO

  512. Julia 1 Says:

    Hi girls, Thanks for your words of wisdom. Tuesday, I have done the taking off every so often, since I have been with him. And I don’t answer the phone for awhile, and I laugh when I hear the messages, as you can hear the pissed off voice in it. And he knows he cannot get pissed off at me, as I don’t owe him anything.. And if I meet someone along the way, well I will deal with it then. But one thing he will never take away from me is my independence. I have always had that.
    Nabeelah, I wish you luck girl! You will get your peace of mind back eventually. It all takes time. Once you find yourself another job, and get away from him everyday, it will all come back to you. These men are like a drug that you cannot get enough of! They do make us want all the time. I said I would give mine 6 months to make a decision, but, with the holidays coming ect, I’m going to wait till Jan. It comes up in Dec(the 6 months) but that is such a crazy time to try and do that plus focus on the holidays. So I will wait until the New Year to make my move!

  513. skeptical Says:

    wow.. i wish i had the strength that Nabeelah has.. i just cant let go.

    heres an update since last time.. The non-MM hasn’t said anything about going out as he asked before(though we havent been alone either).. i have told MM about it, yet tempted.. i want him to feel what i feel n know im a wanted woman. so last night MM n i went to a movie..i asked him to come to my place after as just wanna be close to him, have him hold me. but he said no cuz he wants to show me tht when were togehter it can b more than just pysical. i just wanted to be with him, next to him, close, have time, but i guess i understnad. he probably had to get home to her.

  514. skeptical Says:

    (oops meent to say havent told MM about it yet)

  515. Am I Crazy Says:

    OK here goes everything, just like the rest of everyone here I to find myself dating a MM. I had always promised myself that I would never do that because I was a wife in the past and he cheated. As a result I divorced him.

    This man lied to me from the beginning, understand that I had ignored him for months and then one day I had to talk to him (he’s a mechanic) from that point I starting feeling him. I liked the way he talked, his looks and the fact that he’s handy didn’t hurt things. Just like everyone here he is everything you want a man to be, we talk about everything we laugh, go out, lay around, he spends all his free time with me and my children love him. Problem…… about a week after being with him something just didn’t seem right so I asked him, he still wouldn’t admit anything then I asked someone that he worked with, he was very honest said that one day MM and I were talking his wife pulled up. I had no idea, he didn’t act any different, didn’t seem alarmed by her presence, but understand I was green because I knew nothing. Once I found out, I went off, called him, texted him. He got quiet for a minute, then would not let it go until he saw me and talked to me. I did allow it hours later after I calmed down. I told him he should have let me make my own choice, but he said if he would have told me I would not have talk to him. Which was true…

    As much as I tried to break it off with him he won’t let me. He became even more persistant. Doing everything I need or want him to do. Refuses to let me go out alone without him. He is my first good morning and my last good night everyday.

    Here’s the dilema….. He’s Jamaican….. He and his wife live in my area…….. Wife is about 10 years older than he is and of the Apolstolic religion (they don’t believe in divorce) He is not….. He married her for a green card ( yes How Stella Got Her Groove Back), she fell for the scam….. I know all this from talking to his friends, and him. He wants me to meet his family that lives in New York and want to go to Jamaica to meet his parents. I on the other hand would rather not until his situation is resolved. I would feel totally out of palace. From what I gather they all know his situation.

    Tell me someone, help me I do love this man and he loves me to the point we do everything together and he doesn’t care if anyone see’s us together. He hugs and kisses me in public, holds my hand you name he does….He can fix just about anything (that’s most Jamaican men) sex is like the best, and please let me say he is very handsome. Women try to flirt even when we are together, but when we are together men try to flirt with me so on that we are equal. Its funny….He speaks of future plans, I try to stay in the present. What should I do?

    I do have other male friends that are NOT married or have complicated lives that want to be with me, I could be with anyone of them, except the love is not the same. Am I crazy?

  516. skeptical Says:

    Hi girls.. ok, so my heart is heavy once again.. i feel like ending it, not cuz i want to, but i’m realizing that i’ll all ever get is just a peice of him, not the whole.. the more i’m with him, the more i want more.. and its not enough, though he’s absoulutely amazing..he gives me respect.. he’s leaving again on a businnes trip. he’s going alone.. but i know i wont hear from him.. and i long for him, my heart hurts.. i just want more and more.. he comes back next week. i sent the non-mm an email cuz i got a funny joke that i thought he’d like n i said i had fun talking to hhim last week- he said we should talk more. part of me wants to n the other part has all the love for mm who i’ll never completely have.

  517. for right or wrong Says:

    I’ve been reading all of the posts on the site for a while, all the time sitting here thinking that so many of them sound so familiar in so many ways that I could have written them. I am married, 2 school-aged children, and completely in love with a man who is married.

    When we first began talking, it was the most amazing experience. It just clicked. We’ve been “together” for nearly 8 months now, and it still clicks, although living in separate states means we don’t get to see each other nearly as often as we would like. And you are all right, the sex is the most amazing I’ve ever had. But it is about so much more than sex. We have the most amazing friendship, the ability to talk about any and everything, a love and concern for each other that is unlike anything I’ve ever known before. I always laughed when someone used the term “soulmate” before now…..I don’t laugh any more.

    My marriage died a slow, quiet death, but we had decided to stay together for the sake of the kids. No sex, no intimacy, not much of anything left but feeling last on the list…but there were still the kids to consider, and the one thing we still really agree on is that they do come first, no matter what. So I stayed. So far, I’ve stayed.

    His marriage is complicated on so many levels. I know that so many of the “reasons” he gives for staying in his marriage are excuses born out of the fear of change, the fear of the unknown, but still that does nothing to make me love him less.

    We have talked about “the future”, and what it may hold, and the only thing that we come up with is that neither of us know. After all, we are both married…..

    I am so confused about all of this, and every post that talks about the pain of being without him, about knowing that he still belongs to another, couldn’t be more true. Loving a man who isn’t 100% yours does hurt, every single day. But dealing with that pain is something that I just do, every single day. Talking with him, telling each other how we feel, helps. Seeing him helps more. But wondering just how long it can go on like this, how long I can keep coping with only having the left over bits and pieces of time, keeps me up at night. I know that still being in a “marriage”, even just in name only, means that I really don’t have much room to say anything to him about leaving his. But it doesn’t mean that it keeps me from wishing things were different, either.

    I do love him, deeply and truly, with all my heart, right or wrong. I do trust him, as backward as it may seem, trusting a man who you know is cheating on his wife. But I am really hoping that I haven’t misplaced that trust. I know that there is a very real chance that my heart will end up being broken all over again. But even knowing that, I still can’t bring myself to end it.

    I’m hoping that someone somewhere has some advice, something I haven’t thought of, or read, someone who maybe has been where I am now……

  518. Julia 1 Says:

    Skeptical, We all come to that conclusion eventually. As hard as it is! When you are ready to do it you will. You will come to that point sooner or later. You may go back a few times before that point, you may not. But when you get to the feeling you want more, go and get it! When it’s time to let go you will know, and as hard as it will be, you will have the strength to do it!
    For right or For wrong, I know where your coming from. Although my mm lives close to me. He’s only 10 minutes away. The only difference is I’m not married. I’m single. But the situation about the love, sex, passion is the same. And I see mine and talk to him everyday. Yours would be harder with him living in another state. And the wanting and being away from each other does hurt, does stress you out, keeps us up at nights. But we still long for them.
    I know it will end eventually though, as hard as it is on me, unless he leaves his wife. I am going to give it to the New Year now though. My 6 months is up in Dec, but it’s too crazy of a time to try and deal with Christmas and a break up, so I will wait until the holidays are over before I make my decision. And I will probably go back a few times before I am completely done. I like you used to laugh at the word “Soul Mate” but don’t anymore. We are alot alike him and I. Like the same things, have a great time together. And are totally in love. He does stay here atleast one night a week with me. Does not want just sex. He actually enjoys my company.
    As far as advice for you. Enjoy what you have, and go from there.

  519. for right or wrong Says:

    Thanks, Julia…wouldn’t have thought it would help this much just knowing that there are other women out there in pretty much the same boat as me!

  520. Tuesday Says:

    Ladies, and welcome For Right or Wrong, it does grieve our hearts when our MMs show that they love us, take us ot to dinner, shower us with affection. I miss my MM everyday, but I try not to let my mind get confused with my heart. At the end of the day he will sleep in his marital bed, next to his wife. I find it easier to cope with loving him, by keeping my mind busy and doing things I love to do.

    I’ve tried dating other men, but I always fall right back into my MMs arms. The last man I dated never told me about his other girlfriend or that she was pregnant, I had to find that out via FB. At least with my MM I knew what I was getting myself into, I know it sounds like a lousy excuse and it is, but I prefer him being upfront than having secrets. I at times do not know what to do, do I up and leave behind the most sensational man I’ve gotten to love or do I stay and have my heart wrenched and intertwined with emotions of not having him completely. I do remind him all the time that I am single and can up and go as I please, but when that Grand Day comes and I say a final good bye, ladies I know I will need more than enough time to myself to get over him. I thought loving a MM would be so easy, he would fall in love with me, leave his wife and there would be a happily ever after. DING DONG how I was wrong, I’ve never been happier and I’ve never felt complete until I met him. I’ve told him that I did not give him my heart, but the truth of the matter is, I have and it is completely his.

    Ladies, what do we do when the love of our life has a life all his own, what do we do when we hear love songs on the radio and he comes to mind ESP “If loving you was wrong” My MM says that he doesnt believe that I could hate him, but one day I will, not him physically, but knowing that I cannot have him ever completely and I know that will be the turning point of where I leave him and do not look back.

    I wish for you ladies the strength and determination to continue loving your MM’s and finding a best friend and confidant in him. Being lady enough to know never to approach his wife. Loving him with an open heart and an open mind, remember that you are beautiful and that we can change the outcome of our situation by loving him until he makes up his mind, or loving yourself more in which you decide the final good bye.

    I am going to love my MM until….(That part is not written yet)

    Kisses

  521. Tuesday Says:

    Ladies, and welcome For Right or Wrong, it does grieve our hearts when our MMs show that they love us, take us ot to dinner, shower us with affection. I miss my MM everyday, but I try not to let my mind get confused with my heart. At the end of the day he will sleep in his marital bed, next to his wife. I find it easier to cope with loving him, by keeping my mind busy and doing things I love to do.

    I\’ve tried dating other men, but I always fall right back into my MMs arms. The last man I dated never told me about his other girlfriend or that she was pregnant, I had to find that out via FB. At least with my MM I knew what I was getting myself into, I know it sounds like a lousy excuse and it is, but I prefer him being upfront than having secrets. I at times do not know what to do, do I up and leave behind the most sensational man I\’ve gotten to love or do I stay and have my heart wrenched and intertwined with emotions of not having him completely. I do remind him all the time that I am single and can up and go as I please, but when that Grand Day comes and I say a final good bye, ladies I know I will need more than enough time to myself to get over him. I thought loving a MM would be so easy, he would fall in love with me, leave his wife and there would be a happily ever after. DING DONG how I was wrong, I\’ve never been happier and I\’ve never felt complete until I met him. I\’ve told him that I did not give him my heart, but the truth of the matter is, I have and it is completely his.

    Ladies, what do we do when the love of our life has a life all his own, what do we do when we hear love songs on the radio and he comes to mind ESP \”If loving you was wrong\” My MM says that he doesnt believe that I could hate him, but one day I will, not him physically, but knowing that I cannot have him ever completely and I know that will be the turning point of where I leave him and do not look back.

    I wish for you ladies the strength and determination to continue loving your MM\’s and finding a best friend and confidant in him. Being lady enough to know never to approach his wife. Loving him with an open heart and an open mind, remember that you are beautiful and that we can change the outcome of our situation by loving him until he makes up his mind, or loving yourself more in which you decide the final good bye.

    I am going to love my MM until….(That part is not written yet)

    Kisses

  522. maddie Says:

    hey pretty ladies! Hope all is well :]
    im back to vent & check up on everyones situations..

    So, I’m feeling foolish right now for not listening to
    rule #5:[Share with someone that you trust. It can be very isolating because of the inherent secrecy and people’s judgments.]
    Yes, i get that what we are doing is socially unacceptable, but i was naive & fiigured my bff’s would support me & be understanding but *LONG SIGH* lol

    I went into this knowing he would never be my bf or husband, just a sometimes boy. At the time, I was not looking for my future husband or even a boyfriend, so it worked out perfectly. I just really enjoyed being with him, feeling all giddy inside when his name would pop up on my cell, getting the butterflies when we had plans, etc ..!
    It hurts so bad trying to detach from someone i shared so much chemistry with. I’m proud of myself for knowing it was time to let go. I’m not as strong as i thought i was bc it hasn’t been easy at all.

    And NABEELAH, omg sista!, you are sososo right when you said it’s probably comparable to drug withdraws & people wanting to go back to using & struggling w/it everyday!! Best way.. FOR SURE.. to explain it. Its been super f n hard to not text him back, to ignore his calls, to delete his emails..That’s what my girlfriends DO NOT understand. They can’t get why it’s taking my all to shut him down. It’s so tempting but i know its best for me in the longrun to stay away from him. Why does he have to make it so hard…bc he clearly knows he is tourturing me. its alllll so twisted!! its a game that he enjoys i guess?.

    thanks for listening & y’all have an awesome nite! hugs;)

  523. anon Says:

    Well, i could not imagine life without my mm now.We have become the best of friends and are in tune with each other and what our separate interests are. i do not know his friends and he does not know mine. i am getting on with my life and my things and my own independent direction. I am feeling secure (in control atleast!!) in every other area of my life. i know that i am making the right choices. he is on his own. his wife is out of the picture but we are still secret. he is still grieving and has a lot to let go of and i am needing to keep going forward but i am happy having him tag along and need the intimate love that he gives me. it is so nice having someone who knows where you’ve been. we share the same philosophy to life, we are very compatible but both do not want to be tied down to legalities or get back into a rut. life is working for us doing it this way. it is so much better without the wife in the picture but i still consider him married until the divorce is finalised (which will be a while yet). Julia and Tuesday, i love your attitude to all of this. You have amazing strength. Thanks to all you gals on this site. i’m so glad i have you with me on this journey. this site continues to keep me from feeling all alone… It’s been six long years!
    it’s interesting that even now, i still feel i only get pieces.
    he loves his freedom (so do I, mine). it’s

  524. Julia 1 Says:

    Thanks anon, I wish you all the luck. Especially where your mm is on his own. I wish mine would leave his. As it would make life easier. But atleast I know the only one he shares a bed with is me. His bed at home is on the couch with the tv.
    Most times he will spend Saturday night with me, but tonight he had to go home. He was here for awhile, but tomorrow is Thanksgiving (Canada), and he has family obligations tomorrow, and don’t need her freaking out with him gone all night. He didn’t want to go home, he almost did stay, but I told him to go. I didn’t want him to, but its the right thing to do. Now I wish I would of let him stay. But his truck is not working right, it’s too cold for the bike at night, so he had to use her car to come here, so I had to send him home.
    So here I sit, home alone wishing I didn’t send him home. And makes me wonder why do I do this, but not to many nights I do wonder, but the weekend is usually ours. But it’s the price we pay!

  525. Enhancer Says:

    Julia, I have a confidant and you sound just like her. Thanks for positive posts.

    Have you told your mm he has six months? or is that a personal thing for you?

    Good luck with that!

  526. skeptical Says:

    Anon.. u r so right.. we have to have faith in fate..not try to control our destination, but enjoy the journey.. surrender to fate.

    ladies.. i think he came into my life to show me that men can be all ive ever dreamed of and give me the respect i deserve. but the more i think.. the more i’m telling myself to get out.. the pain is too much.. more than the pleasure.. i feel myself pulling away.. its hard to resist though..even though i know that it will be over..some day..

  527. for right or wrong Says:

    I know you ladies are all probably right, and it will eventually all come crashing down around my ears…but I’m just not ready for that day to be tomorrow quite yet…..

    Do want to say though, you all help more than you know, just by being there, and by sharing your stories, your pain and your strengths….and I thank you all.

  528. what a fool Says:

    A question for you ladies.

    I have known my mm for 20+ years and twice before have walked away with no contact when we met up again. (No contact between times). This time i was divorced as my husband had an affair and again I tried to walk away but this time he purseued me telling me that he knew what he needed to do.
    I went with the flow and one month after we started being an us he tried to leave his wife and came to me. 48 hours later he went back after his 21 year old daughter harangued him for 2.5 years and his guilt got teh better of him.
    So now am into the type of relationship I’ve tried to avoid.
    Is it worth me hanging on in?

  529. what a foo Says:

    Have just reread my post – it should have said 2.5 hours!!!!
    i think what I didn’t make clear is that each time I walked away it so that we did not have an affair.

    As he tried to leave but then went back his wife knows about me but am not sure if she thinks it is all over.

    We are only able to communicate by text/email and have the occasional few hours together during the day.
    It feels really odd being in this situation in one’s mid 50’s!

  530. Julia 1 Says:

    No enhancer that is just in my mind what I said I was going to do! Whether or not I do it will be another story. Anon, I love your post. It says it like it is. I read the top one alot also, and I do try and go by most of them. I very seldom call my mm. He calls me several times a day, and he’s the one always coming to see me. I don’t chase, but will call him once in awhile, but not often.
    Now yesterday he had his thanksgiving dinner with his family and inlaws. As soon as it was done, he called and said he was coming over. Which he did stayed a few hours, then I had to go to my parents house for dinner. Today I’m having dinner here and he’s coming to have dinner with me, my kids and a couple of close friends.

  531. skeptical Says:

    thx anon.. again well said. i think ive been behind that wall of denial and am starting to peak through.. thx for the support. love n xoxo in return.

  532. Puzzler Says:

    Dear Nabeelah,
    Life will get easier with time. You will learn to love yourself again. write a list on all the things you like about yourself or what makes you happy. these lists help us recapture the spirit the mm took away. Does he (mm) contact you any more? is this other guy still in your life? Are your panic attacks easing? Sorry all the questions. I think of you every day. Hope all is getting better. Yes, sounds like you’re in the midst of grieving. We only ever need to concern ourselves with one day and if that’s too long then only one hour at a time. Remember, you have our friendship xo

  533. skeptical Says:

    Nabeelah.. yes we do give u our support as Puzzler says.
    Ladies… so MM comes back tom. from bus. trip. i have it in my head all i want to say.. how i cant do this anymore cuz i need more than hes able to give even though i love what he does give me (if that makes sense). it just makes me want more n i know i’ll never have it..so its like a tease. i get a taste n want a bite so bad.. if he really cared hed find a way to give himself to me.. with all his heart.. perhaps he cares, but not enough to leave her. so well see if i have the strength to hold back.. i have a feeling i’ll cave to his attention n affection.. though my head says dont.. wish me luck

  534. Julia 1 Says:

    I wish you luck skeptical. If you have it in your head to stay away, do your best to stay away. If not, don’t feel bad. We are all human girl! And when your ready you will walk.
    Anon, your words are so great! I like reading your posts. It hits the spot.
    xo

  535. Tuesday Says:

    Ladies, guess we have all had a weekend. Skeptical, my situation is much like yours. MM went away for the weekend with his friends to watch a football game. Even then, I got like a few next to none texts, I feel so lonely right now esp since I am not feeling well, guess the pressure of life has me right about now. Why isn’t he here for me when I always there for him? To listen to his drama at work, listen to him talk about his kids accomplishments why the hell can’t he be there for me. So he stops by for like 15 minutes on his way home and that is all I get, 15 minutes. I have vacation coming up soon and will be in NYC to visit my grandmother and I am not taking my cell phone or any form of communication. I just do not feel like telling him anything about myself even my health, or my exams, anything at all. I can’t wait for my exam to be over, I want to focus after them to better myself on a whole. I just texted him and said that I cannot tell him everything about myself be it sickness or accomplishments cause I can not call him in the middle of the night if I have to go to the hospital and what make sense give him relationship responsibilities if he is not there completely in my life. What do we do ladies when they want to have the responsibilites of a relationship and there is not relationship except for the moments together? PONDER?!

  536. skeptical Says:

    Julia.. thx girl for ur kind words, understanding, n support.
    Tues.. yes, we have very similar situation..except i didnt get a single text from him while he was gone even though he said he was going alone. i know how it is..the lonelness, sadness, withdrawal we feel.. esp when all ya want is comfort. we wnat to give em our all yet we have to hold back cuz they cant be there every minute like we want em to.. not for the exciting times or times when we need the security.. just when they can squeeze us in. so glad we are all here for each other. feel better girl. hang in there. i’m hangin’ with ya.

  537. anon Says:

    What relationship? is it a relationship? it feels like a thousand flings!!! i told my mm this… i told my mm I deserve and need more. all he could say was he wanted so much to give me more and the time will come. How much patience can one have? why are we satisfied with crumbs. i suppose we reason that it’s better than nothing at all! I am so frustrated to read these posts because it reminds me of how unfair the whole situation is for us. They go away (alone!?) and do not send us a text? is that love? We are there for them at their beck and call, What happens if we need them in the night? What happens when we get a headache on a moment that they are slipping in. Do you dress sexy when you know they’re coming to see you? Of course, I do! They treat us that way and are all over us like a hot rash and then, they go away happy (big smile). This is senselessness… Yes ladies, I remember these days but now, he is on his own and still i get pieces bc we are still secret but I’m coming to accept it as an opportunity to develop my own independence and do the things I love to do for me in those times of silence. I still make him do most of the initiating cos when i am all over him, it satisfies him for up to two days and he has no need to contact me cos he is assured of my love. I’m holding back alot of love for him all the time but this is the way it seems to keep him coming back to me. I just put it down to him needing his freedom and i love mine too. Yes, we have the rest of our lives to work this out and I’m happy living my life while he sorts himself out. i believe when he is emotionally healthy, he will be more ready and willing to commit. Skeptical, i don’t mean to put doubts in your head but i would question whether he was alone because surely if he was, he would text the one he loves. I can understand your total frustration and anguish. Lots of Love xo All the Best

  538. skeptical Says:

    very good point, anon. you have to wonder- lie to her, why not to me too? hmmmmm. now i feel like giving him the cold sholder.

  539. anon Says:

    They get clever, these mm. They learn what to say and what not to say and what makes us jealous, especially in regard to their wives (and we have EVERY reason to be jealous girls, they are the lucky ones that we are so understanding, or try to be). i would get nasty with him (cold shoulder) and cut myself off whenever he’d be speaking nicely about her or tell me things they did together, even if it’s simply visiting friends. How can we enjoy that when we don’t exist in that world and nobody knows of us. They are getting their fill through us, it seems and sharing that. I’ve come to the point now where i’m preventing him from my friends and family BECAUSE it’s only fair that if he has his freedom, I should also have mine. If he is not ready to tell his friends and family about me, neither am I. it robs from us ladies. It traps us in when they are such a big part of our physical world and we not a big part of theirs. When a relationship is secret, it’s very small. When we talk together, it should be about us, not anybody else (unless they know about us). that’s how i see it!

  540. good luck Says:

    Man oh man. Slowly but surely the flame is burning out. He’s always going to be “the one I let get away”. Oh well, life goes on and feelings eventually fade out.

  541. anon Says:

    When I say, “about us” I mean about us and our mm. It is so difficult to get to know each other in other areas. the relationship seems to be always stuck on one level. too much energy is taken up snapping up any opportunity where we’re both free. it seems such a waste (when our time is so limited) to talk about “unrelated others”. if our relationship is to grow we need to be talking, talking, talking about ourselves (the feelings, the relationship, how we each are fairing) or simply gaining strength together in love making in order to climb the mountains in our own lives. Hope that makes better sense.?

  542. Confused Says:

    You ladies are so true about everything you say about them. Why do we wait on the crumbs from them? We don’t deserve to be the ones sitting around waiting on them. Waiting for them to email, text or call us. Why do we give them the power?

    In my situation I am learning that in the end no matter what my MM promises me if he is still going home to his wife he made his choice. I am not waiting around anymore. I have a baby boy coming with my MM and I am thru waiting. Even me getting pregnant did not make him want to be with me. (now i did not get pregnant on purpose… it was just one of those things that happened and I do not believe in killing another life) I made the choice to sleep with him so I knew my consequences. Now I can say I honestly know what kind of man he is. He is not helping me in any way right now. I am doing this all by myself. I will continue to do this all for my kids. I don’t need him to keep hurting me like he has been with his empty promises. I still care about him deeply but I need to just let go for my kids. If he chooses to be with me in the end then he better really prove it because I am emotionally done with him right now. It is hard but staying away has been helping. Praying everyday to give me strength to get thru the day and to keep moving forward. I know there is a guy out there and I guess he just was not it. If he was I would not be feeling all this pain I have been feeling dealing with this MM.

    Ladies, all I want to say is keep your head up and no man is worth all this pain and hurt we go thru everyday to be with a guy who is not avaliable to us. It is true if a guy really truly feels what he says he feels about you then he would do anything and everything in his power to be with you. NO EXCUSES! If he does not prove that and still makes up excuses it is time to be strong and move on! That is all he will do until who knows maybe he finds someone new or we are just not exciting enough for him. But what I have noticed is that MM if they are comfortable in their life with having someone on the side then they will just keep you on the side but still be with their family as well. It is sad that they lie to us about it and they just can’t be real with us. They lead our emotions into thinking it is more but its not. They take advantaged of us… and we need to take back our heart. They don’t deserve it… let them deal with their own boring life and suffer in it cuz that is the choice they made.

    Okay done venting… you ladies are all beautiful inside and out and we all deserve better and more. Thanks for all your posts it really helps when you know what other people are going thru. :)

  543. skeptical Says:

    hi ladies, so heres an update.. he came back today from his trip n i saw him at work from a distance as he past by. that was it, no text or call from him. i didn’t text either. fine, if that’s what he wants. if he really cared then id hear from him- guess i don’t mean much to him. either that or hes trying to see if i’ll contact him first but why should i? if i mean that much, he’ll prove it to me, he’ll make the efort to have me in his life.. if not. guess i know the answer. i feel so much love for him but i hafta let go n accept it if i’m not the one that makes him happy.

  544. Nabeelah Says:

    Hi ladies

    RE: Puzzler to answer some of your questions, yes we do still have contact on a daily bases as he is one of my reporting superiors, the pannic attacks are becomming more manageable.

    Things arent always easy and I still have a lot of highs and lows more often than I can handle.

    Working with him has been the hardest as I have to face everyday the biggest mistake I have ever made and the person who has hurt and betrayed my trust more than any other person.

    My “mm” and I laugh and chat as nothing was ever existent between us. He is completely withdrawn from me and looks as if his moving on fine.

    He called me saturday morning to find out if i was okay as I become rather emotional at work on friday, He told me he is in a selfish phase right now he is sorry for turning my world upside down, he also said he never did love me those words hit me hard. It destroyed me in the moment.

    I have confided in a few friends and they are helping me through this, on really bad nights I chat a lot to Isolde and she helps me keep things together.

    I feel confident this will get better it’s almost 3 months and still going strong aside from a few moments of weakness.

    I will never subject myself to such a relationship again it will never be worth the pain, isolation, secrecy and deception.

    Everyday I think I hate cheating so much and I wish men didnt do that, well they cant if they dont have a willing women to cheat with ;-)

    I could so easily fall back into this relationship with him, should he just choose his words right. I miss him sooooooo much it’s unbelievable but NO NO NO enough is enough!

    I wont allow this situation to alter me or my perception of relationships in a negative way. I learnt so much about myself and life in general through my experience.

    One thing for sure, I promise to respect the role I play in anyone’s life that makes contact with me whether it be a day or a life time… Because I realized he didnt care about the role he played in mine… I could of so easily as a result of this situation slipped into a deep depression and hurt myself if I didnt have support but he didnt care!

    I care, I care so much I promise to consciously consider the next person before I do anything that could effect them as I wouldnt wish this experience on my worst enemy.

    I am hurting so badly every day, regardless of my pain I get up everyday with the hope and faith ill get through this I keep thinking next year this time I will have different thoughts and different feelings! And he will still be the selfish arogant bastard he is!

    I will never forget the tears and pain his caused me but I forgive him and I wish he realizes his short commings before he looses everything and everyone arround him.

    Goodluck ladies!

    XOXO
    Nabeelah

  545. Sideeffex Says:

    Hey ladies Sorry for the long one..of so many I have read I can’t seem to stay away from reading this site for other answers and possibilites….so if you forgot my story you can read it under the posting….livingwithsideffects August 11th, 2009 at 2:22 am…Well I got out of my short term destructive marriage and living it single…

    I hate to say that here comes 7months now and..man i’ma a mess with my MM..our love is growing so damn strong that at the same time it’s stabbing at me because I never know when my heart is going to break..We both agreed for him to decide what he is going to do with this around may next year..to go forward or stay behind for the sake of his kids..he’s a great dad and i see the pain of that..Him and his wife are still in no connection terms but theyre trying counseling..and i use to try to feel for this woman..but she turned utterly ridicilous..

    she holds the kids over his head and still points fingers at him for their disaster..So..what can I say there are times when I literally freak out..and try to cut that rope but my scissors arents strong enough..because like most of you we have that once in a life time bond so it seems i tell him everything he tells me everything and we dont keep secrets we just have a blast with each other..we have our..certain “night” and whatever time i can to be with him…

    And yet I get that lost feeling of its going to hurt everytime he walks out that damn door..of course we work with each other and can relate alot..I made my own quote..to Be your worst when your at your best…I say this because it keeps me on my toes..that no matter how much he makes me happy..makes me feel complete..I have to think of that worst..or i’m going to break hard if that time comes..

    Of course he gets jealous of any guy that seems to cause attention toward me but i have to remind him that hey..ur still married..we are still a secret..Even though i dont go out and date cuz im waiting for my answer..man i could wait a while for him..but next year is that choice and we’ll see…so many challenges have came up in my life like i might be facing a layoff..well how much will that affect what i have right..I dont know…but I do have to say this..that even though its going to kill me to be alone for the holidays and know where he has to be..or it kills me to hear about his kids and wishing i was part of the fam as meaning something not a secret…

    I made a plan b that if he decides to stay where he is at i have to cut this off..if i have to leave somewhere for a lil bit ill do it..i had the worst feeling when i woke up 2day that it might go that way..but i dont know..if he does want to move on with me then man that will be one of the many blessings i guess… but for now i sit and just enjoy the most i can..and try to just be there for him to show him what i’m made of..

    I mean bout 2 weeks ago we were talking via text..because you know i cant just call at anytime right…and i guess at counseling he realized that it seemed over in her as well..like she has grown just as cold as him for some time..and it killed me so much for him to wonder if it was really over between them..like i know for that second he doubts me..and wonders if this one person hes been with for so long and share a family with is really going to be over..i think i went on a rampage and deleted every sweet message he sent me..any pics i got on my phone because you know what..he cant keep pics of me on his phone or name me under pet names in his phone..I DO NOT EXIST during certain hours and yet my world is open on him…I can’t openly say how much i’ve fallin to the world..I got to live with the secret because i choose too because i have never connected with someone like this my whole life and yet i know how much this is tearing me up day by day..wondering which way he is going to go..I already have assumed that come may im going to get my heart torn to pieces..and all we can act like is a friendship..but i try not to think about it to hard and thats why i hold myself from him so much..i could be such a big ole lover but i dont and purposely save text messages that i know BOUNCES me back to reality…its exhausting but i feel..hope even if it is false….

    To the ladies Nabeelah..wow i been reading you since the beginnings of times..and your finally away from one of the most powerful cyclone relationships..and yet i know that feeling of sinking back in..and you seem to be doing well as much as it kills you..it’ll make you stronger though..and i know working with him..does not help hah..i have that too..keep ur head up girl..to skeptical, Confused, and some others i see here..it seems like man things have came to a standstill..they either hit a brick wall and your seeing the light cuz of it..or ur wondering if this is it?…either way ladies im in the same boat…then real fast you fall back in the waters..and Anon…girl you speak the truth..cut em off and walk away would be so easy if feelings werent involved..we can put ourselves so low cuz of these relationships..and yet they bring us at a high..right? it bugs me..and yet i feel i have nothing to lose but my sanity..im still living my single life..in my lonely world trying to figure him out..We all need help haha

  546. for right or wrong Says:

    You know, Julia, you’re right….we SHOULD get pissed off and vent when they start talking about their wives and kids and lives.
    Why should they be able to expect us to just sit listening, smiling and nodding like we really want to hear about a life he’s living with someone else, all the while keeping us a great big secret? WE SHOULDN’T.

    Ever since this started, I have been doing exactly that, though. Sitting, listening, letting him talk about anything and never saying a word. Why? Because at least it made me feel like I was involved in his life a little more. But that’s just not the reality. There is not a single person on the planet that he has told about me/us, so how can I really be a part of his life? I’m not…..more like a dessert vs. a meal. HATE THAT.

    Every one of you are so brave, so strong, even when you think you’re not. I just hope that someday, if things don’t change, I have the strength that you have had and am able to put my foot down to end it. Not sure if I’ll be able to, but who knows.

    Take care and stay strong!

  547. Tuesday Says:

    Ladies, I can see that there is so much mixed emotion on our minds and they are weighing heavy on our hearts. I am lucky in the sense that MM does not work with me, but I have thought about all of your words and how they are so true. They want to be all a part of our lives, all in it, ringing our phone when it is convenient to them, wanting to know our friends and what time we will be home, WTF, as if you will call me when I am home. I mistakenly told my MM one time about a dinner date with a guy and guess what ladies, he had the audacity to try and give me a curfew, was I home by then, no, was still at the resturant and having a good time. Can you believe he rang my phone every 15 minutes, text and all. AGGRRHH!

    I agree with you For Right…who have they told about us, WHO? Not their brothers, sisters, family ohhh no but they have told a few friends to look out for you but that is about it. Each week is a damn repeat of the last, you know when he is going to call, when he will pop by your place even unannounced at time, suppose I had someone over. They talk about their lives, but never their wives, they talk about their kids and even might mention to us, “So how do you think our kid will look if we have one?” Using words and manipulation of kisses and touches to soften our hearts, then we fall back into the same trap again, waiting and hoping for a change, for a sign that he will be eternally ours. Wouldn’t we love them if they had used up all their savings to divorce and move on with us? Wouldn’t we tell him to move in with us when she decides to kick him out? We would do so much for them, go above and beyond, holding on, shouldn’t we deserve more than a few hours, a two lined email or a voice mail? I know I am. I let him chase after me, let him call and let him text. We are friends, good friends and magnificient lovers, but I am fed up of hiding and him not being to hold my hand or kiss me in public unless we are somewhere in which no one knows us. Does love really conquer all? or Does love conquer our hearts?

  548. skeptical Says:

    hi ladies.. once again, my heart is heavy. i was doing so well, being strong.. resisting the urge to call or text..he didn’t contact me until today (though he was back at work yesterday n we saw eachother in passing). like he was seeing if id text him first, i didn’t. i’m stuborn n i held back.. until he texted me to say hi. i waited a little bit n texted the same back to him.. then nothing in response.. until i gave in cuz today is our usual day were together. so i texted him n said hadn’t heard from him.. then he called n said he was in mddle of meeting(which i know was true), but then after?? nothing. it’s like he wants to see if i’m still there. i feel like if he really cared hed make a point of wanting to see me on the days when we can n esp. since hes been gone for a week, but no. before this ive been preparing myself to end it cuz i need more than the crumbs of time i get n he needs to know that.. i want to be as importnat to him as he is to me, but i guess not. its hard to let go of the connection we have (or had) as its been like no other ive ever had.. my head tells me to let go. what is the point. but my heart longs for his comfort, his words..

  549. what a fool Says:

    I did post a few days ago but nobody responded. I really would appreciest some advice or know if anyone else has been in this situation.

    3 times over the past 20 years we have met up after having no contact between times and realised the attraction was there and each time I moved jobs so that we did not have an affair. 15 months ago we met by chance and it was still there. I walked away again but at Easter he started contacting me and, despite my better judgement (my husband had left me for the other woman 3 years before) I agreed to meet in July. Things developed very quickly and, after he ahd been away on a family holiday in which we’d been in contact bt text, he left home and came here at end of August. He was her for 48 hours then went back after his 22 year old daughter harangued him for 2.5 hours playing every guilt card in the book. His younger daughter is nearly 18 and in final year at school.

    Despite saying no contact we have been in regular contact since then but it is more difiuclt as the know about me and wife has started working at home during teh day.

    He is now saying that having been married 30 years he is scared to leave and will need to at least stay for this final year of schooling but that he knows he is not being fair to me and yet he loves me. (He is 62 and I’m 54).

    We spent a few hours together yesterday morning but were meant to be having the monrng today till a text arrived late last night saying that wife was working at home. (He is retired).

    some of you have been in this position for a long time. should I give it the year? Half of me hopes that his wife will realise that he’s still seeing me but then……

    help.

  550. skeptical Says:

    IF U LOVE SOMEONE, SET THEM FREE
    ladies.. i did it.. sent text to end. need more than crumbs. pray for strength for me.. in a weird way i want him to come back n prove to me that he does care enoguh n i mean something to him. well see how responds

  551. for right or wrong Says:

    What a fool, your story sounds somewhat like mine. Not about the length of time that you and he have been dancing around this whole thing, but in how he seems to be responding to it. My mm has been married for well over 20 years, and his youngest is also in his last year of school. I keep hearing about how wonderful it would be, how he would love it if it were me that he was falling asleep with, waking to, but how the circumstances around everything just make it hard.

    But my situation is different, as I live in one state, he lives in another (and actually works in a 3rd!) so our time actually being physically together is hard to come by and we don’t see each other often. He does travel here to see me when he can, texts, emails and calls, more than enough to keep him constantly in my head and in my heart, tells me how much he loves me, how this is the love that he always wanted but had never imagined could have. Of course it is…he has his wife at home, taking care of the things and me here waiting, always waiting it seems.

    But there is an age difference between us, 12 years, and while his kids are pretty much grown, mine are still young. That part scares him, and he mentions now and again how he worries because “we are in different stages of our lives”. So while it’s your mm’s wife and kids that is keeping things in the air for you, I think it’s mine that is doing that with mine.

    I do know how you feel, though. The confusion, the wanting, the wishing that things were different. I’m not sure that I really know anything that I could say that would help, and the only advice I have is that you follow your heart unless and until you no longer can. But even that could be bad advice…..Hell, how do I know? After all, that’s what I’ve been doing, and it hasn’t helped me figure the situation out yet.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you, and with all the ladies stuck in our same boat. And to those of you who have the strength to step out of this leaky boat and onto solid footing, good for you!

    Stay strong, and my best to you all.

  552. What a fool Says:

    Can I ask how long yours has been going on for?
    As we have really only truly been an “us” since early August and he tried to leave and be here with me within a month it all seems really odd.Of course that did mean that we had a few days of being here as a couple which is actually making it even harder now.
    The test last night cancelling today said that he’d try to see me early next week (I can frequently work from home) and that he’ll cut the lawns, mend the broken chair and do a couple of other odd jobs that need doing.

    But in a conversation on thursday it seems that wife had asked him last weekend what will happen in a years time when youngest has left school and gone to university. He said his response was “nothing” and that he couldnt say that he def will go then – he just doesn’t know whether he’ll be brave enough to try again but feels that he has to be there for duaghters this year. i think that wife will def be working from home more often now making it even harder for us to meet.

    My head is telling me to walk but my heart tells me that I’ve loved him for over 15 years and that each time I’ve walked away with no contact the feelings still stayed. It seemed as if fate kept making our paths cross and I suppose I now have acknowledged how i feel. And I knwo he loves me too but am not sure that this is strong enough to outweigh 30 years + home + family. But then he did at least try once.

    Anyone know if they try to leave and go back if they try again?

  553. for right or wrong Says:

    We’ve been “together” now for just over 8 months, and I know all about the texts cancelling meetings, unfortunately. Have had more than a couple of those during our relationship. Either his wife is going to be there and he can’t leave, or one of the kids, etc, which makes it all the harder knowing that is what is stopping it from happening. Frustration doesn’t even begin to describe it when that happens.

    I know what you mean too about knowing that they love you but not knowing if it’s strong enough to outweigh all those years. I think that in a lot of cases it comes down in part to their being scared about the financial end of things, unfortunately. They’ve built a life, a network of family and friends and a home over the years, and to contemplate giving that up is frightening, not to mention what they would/could lose in a divorce. Guess it all depends on where they decide to place their priorities.

    I actually sat down one night after yet another cancelling text and wrote him a letter that I never sent. I kept it, email of course, in a draft folder and read it every now and again, debating. But I’ve not had the strength to send it, just can’t hit the button. It’s kind of a combination ultimatum/dear john letter, I guess. Still, not going to delete it just yet. Or send it…lol.

    Seems to me though that if he tried to leave once, you’re at least a step ahead of most of us in this position. At least yours tried, so there’s more hope than for a lot of us.

  554. for right or wrong Says:

    Here’s the letter…thought it might strike a chord with you…

    I hate this. I hate the fact that I’m sitting here, writing you an email like the one I’m writing now. One that I never thought that I would be writing.

    When we first started this, once it was really started I mean, I truly believed that you and I would eventually be together, but now I don’t see the chance of that happening. At one point, I was stupid, foolish enough to honestly believe that. That it might be a while before that were to ever happen, but that it would, someday. But lately, I’ve come to realize that will never be the case, and just how truly foolish I was to think it could be. And I don’t think it’s really anything that you want to have happen, deep down inside anyway. If it were, it would, at least eventually, and I think I’d have some idea towards that. But you’ve got your life, and even though there are parts of it that you may not be completely happy with, those parts just don’t seem to be enough to outweigh the rest. And I do understand. 26 years is a long time to contemplate giving up.

    There has never been anyone in my life that I have loved the way that I do you. I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love anyone, with every bit of my heart and soul. So this is a new situation for me, and I hate that it is ending, especially this way. Lets face it, there is no one in my life you need to be remotely jealous of, so I can’t expect you to understand, but it hurts, knowing that I’m not, that I would never be the one you would choose.

    I accept it when you say that you love me, that I am more than sex because when we are “together” I can feel that. It is amazing, overwhelming, beautiful, and always has been, but I think that when the time comes to go you can switch off whatever it is we are feeling, walk away and carry on with your “real” life. I, unfortunately, am not able to do that and every day that I can’t see, or hear from you, hurts.

    Do you remember when you told me you “Wanted to make make love to me desperately”? Well that’s how I feel right now, partly because it is so good and partly because of how much I really do love you. The thought of us never being together again is truly awful. I want to be able to look into your eyes, touch you, stroke your cheek, kiss you like you have never been kissed before, make love to you, but I can’t. This whole situation is so complicated, and it is breaking my heart. You probably cannot imagine what my life has been like during the past few months, total and complete confusion about this, wanting something so very much and not being able to have it, but being able to think about you at 3 a.m. when I am wide awake has helped to keep me sane, so I thank you for that.

    You don’t have time or room for me in your life and I have no right to expect or demand that you do. So, I have to let you go so you can concentrate on the woman that you apparently do love. You will soon forget about me, obviously not totally, but you know what I mean. And then I will just become someone you once knew, in a different lifetime. And the thought of that kills me…there were so many things that I wanted for us to be able to do together, so many more things to experience together that we never will, and those things, the things we were never able to do, are my only regrets about us. But never will I regret us.

    I will always love you. Thank you for the time you have given me. You’ve shown me a love like I didn’t even know could exist. I have more respect, more admiration, more love for you than for anyone in my life. You were right when you said we were very compatible, and that we have everything to make a wonderful and lasting relationship. We do. I value your friendship, and your love, more than you know… I’ll die in a thousand different little ways every day without you, but I don’t see how that can’t be helped.

    Thank you for being who you are, and thank you for loving me. If I’m wrong about any of this, please say so. Otherwise, know that I’ll always be here if and when you do decide that it is me who you want to be with. All you’ll ever have to do is say so.

    If you never do, please always be well, and know that somewhere out there, there is someone who loves you more than words and always will. Forever.

    Good bye.

  555. what a fool Says:

    What a lovely letter “for right or wrong” and yes one that I can empathise with. It made me cry reading it and encapsulates everything I feel too.

    When he went back to wife and duaghters of 17 and 21 we were supposedly going to have no contact and I took myself off to France for a few days. He rang or texted every day and, when i came back, he came round and I agreed to go with the flow.
    When the following week we had an on/off arrangement as wife was playing games I got really upset and sent an email of this type.
    Then would you believe it, we bumped into each other at a station and again I realised that I can’t walk away at the moment.

    It’s really ironic that when we had younger children it was me that walked away twice rather than having an affair. When we met up again 15 months ago and I realised he was still married again I walked but from Easter he admitted that he undertook a campaign to get me as he “knew what he wanted and what he’d have to do to get it”. Unfortunately he seems to have fallen at the first hurdle though i suppose he did try.

    The other irony is that his wife is behaving pretty much exactly as I did as I tried to save my marriage and we struggled on for 8 months after I found out about the other woman.
    3 years on I can see that it wasn’t really my husband I was trying to keep but my lifestyle, the staus quo and I was scared of having to start again at 52. (The same age as his wife!)

    Do you find that teh worst part is that friends generally tell you taht you are being stupid and, in my case that having gone back he’ll never leave again. Yet at teh moment I feel I have to hope and hang in for a bit longer. I also wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t walked away before.

  556. for right or wrong Says:

    My friends all just kind of shake their head and wonder how in the world I could manage to get myself into a mess like this, while at the same time, thankfully, giving me a shoulder to cry on. But thats what friends are for, right? To let you know when you’re being stupid and still loving you anyway.

  557. for right or wrong Says:

    It’s too bad we’re not all in the same town…lol…we could all get together, open a few bottles of wine and have one hell of a vent session!

  558. Tuesday Says:

    For right or wrong…I read your letter and was so deeply moved by it that I compared it to my own personal Dear John Letter and the similarities are outstanding. I’ve never sent my letter because my MM always seems to rebound back into my life with his promises and I believe them or I want to believe them. It is so hard loving a man who is ever so absent in our lives and the mere thought of his phone call or text sends those happy jitters down to our toes, esp when we give their number a different ring tone from everyone else. I do think about the fact that he could have another OW besides myself and that I am just a passing phase, a mid-life crisis phase, cause he is 47 and I am 28, yes 19yrs between us.

    I tried to think of other times that I have been happy, when I am in a relationship and was happy and there was none. There is a situation from my past that I will share that led to me dating my MM. From day one, my MM showered me with attention and affection. The gifts and trips together we abundant. The talk about him being with me was so fresh on his lips that I dreamnt of our wedding day and mentally planned it. I really believed that he would have left her for me, three years into the relationship and nothing has changed besides my patience and his jealousy which has grown by leaps and bounds. How long do you wait for change? That was the question I always asked myself. If he really wanted to be with me, he would, wouldn’t he? I cut all my friends off and stopped dating and he became my number one priority. I would think of ways to seduce his mind and emotions that all he would think of is me.

    This too became tedious after I saw that it did nothing to change my situation. I went away for a few days and made a promise to myself that when I reached back home I would start looking after number 1, ME! I did just that, lost weight and started communicating and going out with friends again. I am not at that place where my career is blossoming and life could only be better with him completely in it. I know the situation with family, kids, name sakes, and appearances sake, but what about me and my good name. It will forever be tarnished because of a dating a MM. We will always be labeled as gold diggers, home-wreckers etc and these names OW are not. I do not go to couples parties or anything such like that where you have to take a companion, cause he can not be with me. All I want is my happy ending with him, is that too much to ask for, is it?

    Skeptical, I hope that you are okay, it is difficult to know that your MM is back in town and you are as white as a blank paper to him. He will try to contact you and that he will, what you do from there is your own. I am here for you anytime you need a friend and a listening ear. I wish you nothing but the best and love you like a sister.

  559. skeptical Says:

    ladies.. i’m CRUSHED.. balling as i read all your blogs..it’s OVER, yes OVER. i’m heartbroken. i’m a fool as i told myself all along that all this would end up as hurt. i sent a text breaking it off, that i couldnt do it anymore, that i need to feel important. n he sent one back saying hes sorry, has a lot goin on, understands how id feel that way n will respect that. i said if i was that importent that he would tell me what hes going thru n not let go of me so easily. thought we had a special conection. so he says me text saying i’m wrong, dont know how he feels, undertands where im coming from, wishes me happiness, he won’t contact me again, goodbye. what?! so i can hardly concentrate at work. feel sick to my stomach. i don’t understand. was this all a lie??? was it?? i know it wasnt about sex, bc we didnt do that.. but we had what i felt like was such a strong emotional connection= i told him things ive never told anyone. i never felt this close, nver. i’m crushed.. but i tell myself i told u so! like i knew it would end, just a matter of when. so then i sent a text asking him if this is what he wants, really?? no response, so i sent another saying i needed to understnad what happended that i just dont get it. so he calls.. we talk n he tells me his world is falling apart on him, his family, work.. feels vulnerible telling me all this..i told him why doesnt he talk to me.. im here for him,i thought we coudl talk.. i know i could. he said that he builds walls..hes messed up n hurt a lot of people. i said it helps to talk.. why close me off.. i thought we had somehing. he said he cant do this now, goodbye. was this all a lie?????? i shouldnt have let this go on, but i couldnt help it. our relationship took a life of its own, no effort, more effort to hold back. it was like a magnet. then thats it? its over? how can he turn this off so quickly. i dont understand.

  560. skeptical Says: