Learning To Be Single Again

This isn’t as easy as it sounds. For the first few weeks you have so much to deal with: Social Security, insurance, banks, etc. We have three children, 19, 14, and 9. I had to let the schools know what was happening at every step of the way and luckily they were very sympathetic and kind. Being smaller schools helped, I think. I thought that once the funeral was over things would start to get back to normal, but that isn’t really true. The worst isn’t over when the funeral is done.

The day after the funeral, I woke up and realized after being up for a couple hours that I felt lost. I had spent the past 3 years being a caretaker, as well as being a mother, a wife and a transcriptionist.  Being a caretaker is exhausting no matter how ill the patient is. By the time my husband went into the hospital this last time, he was barely getting out of bed. I had come to a mutual agreement that it would be best to quit my job as I just couldn’t find the hours to put into it and still be able to sleep. Now I still am having a hard time finding enough hours in the day, but I am also in a unique position where I am not in a huge rush to get back to work either.

At the age of 39, I now am considered single. After 21 years of marriage, I find that I like being alone. I really have no desire to jump into the world of dating. Lord, I can’t even imagine doing that in this day and age! It’s scary! I know that at some point that may change, that I will get my toes wet, but right now it’s too soon. It’s time to find out who I am again. Not just a wife and mother. I am finding that I can actually delve into the one thing I’ve always wanted: to write. So here is my first step into a brave new world! I am finding that I do have a personality and that I am kind of funny once in awhile. I can watch what I want when I want, go to bed when I want and I like it. It’s not that I don’t miss my husband, I’m just discovering that there are positive aspects to be a widow. I’ve never been one to see the glass as half empty. So I’m doing my best to keep things simple and as normal as possible. Especially for the kids. And thank you for dropping in and giving me a chance to start living again.