Do His Friends Like You?

Cathy and Donald, on their fourth date, are attending a party together for the first time. It’s is Donald’s best friend Michael’s birthday party, and their whole circle of friends and their girlfriends will all be there. Cathy feels an urgent burst of nerves as they step out of the car and head for the front door of Michael’s house. Will they hate her? Ignore her? Find fault with her? Will Cathy get along with The Guys?

Just like Cathy, Sofia knows what it’s like to worry about your boyfriend’s friends, because she went through a horrible experience when they bad-mouthed her to her boyfriend, Nick. “We bumped into a few of his pals at a café one day, and because it was that time of the month, I was just not in the mood to meet anyone. Later, Nick admitted that his friends thought I was snobbish and rude. Eventually we managed to clear up the misunderstanding, but it put some stress on our relationship because they didn’t like to see Nick and me together.”

You know a man is serious about you when he doesn’t hesitate to introduce you to the other important people in his life. It’s only natural that he wants to show you off and have his friends admire and approve of you as well. Making a positive impression on his friends could be a make-it-or-break-it point in a relationship.

“I’m glad I got along pretty well with Zach’s friends right from the beginning, “Chloe, a medical supplies rep reminisces. “In fact, they even told him they thought I was a very friendly girl, with a nice smile.” For better or worse, your pals are often a trusted source of advice, especially when it comes to the minefield that is dating. Just as women do, men seek the positive response of their friends for reassurance that he is making the right choice.

That said, what do you do when you can’t stand his friends, or they can’t stand you? Esther, a banking services adviser, couldn’t believe her new guy Steven had such obnoxious friends. “At my party, they arrived an hour late, went in my bedroom without asking permission, and they even went through my closet! Another time, at a nightclub, they all sat around talking about their college days, and the things they did together years before. They didn’t include me in the conversation at all. After that, I refused to go on another outing with the lot of them.”

One of the complexities of dating is that you’re not only in a relationship with that special someone; you’re also developing a relationship with his friends. If your sweetheart spends a lot of time with his pals, you’d probably like to be included and feel accepted by them as well, so that you feel more a part of his life. Getting along with his friends may be hard if they are protective of him, or maybe scornful of his choice of girlfriend. The key is to be as open, sincere and friendly as possible. It may help to get your beau to tell you a bit about his friends and their interests, and have him create occasions for all of you to get together.

A lot of the time, problems will arise when your guy’s friend is a girl friend. Melissa found herself really uncomfortable whenever her fiancé Ed got together with his ex-turned-best-friend Linda. “She was very flirtatious around him, always smiling, always finding ways to touch him, and she was constantly bringing up things that happened in their childhood. He was oblivious to it, but it was obvious to me that she still had a thing for him.”

Jealousy may be the first instinct when you see your man all chummy with another girl, but unless he prefers her company to yours, and talks to her more than you, it’s probably nothing to worry about. After all, they would have been an item by now if they had feelings for each other. Talk to your man about your misgivings and maybe ask that he not sit so close, or call her up quite so often. At the same time, respect his right to maintain friendships with people of his choosing, from either gender. You don’t want him to turn around and say that he doesn’t want you talking to your friends of the opposite sex either.

Getting to know your new guy’s clique can be a real eye opener, because the people you choose to hang out with say a lot about you. They say birds of a feather flock together, so the traits you note in his friends are insights into what makes your man tick. How well you fit in to each other’s social circles can also be a clue to how the two of you will do as a couple.

It’s important to recognize that a man needs his mates just like women need their gal-pals, and do acknowledge that they are an integral part of your boyfriend’s life. Not only will he appreciate you making an effort to be nice to his pals, they will also be happy that you’re not pushing them out of his life. It pays to make an effort to get along with his friends, because it not only means you gain an “in” to his world, but who knows, you might just make a couple of great new friends besides.

Dating 101: Making a Good Impression On His Mates

• Nobody likes a faker or a try-hard! If you pretend to be someone you’re not, or overcompensate for your nervousness with forced brightness and incessant conversation, you’ll come across with all the wrong signals. Just relax and be yourself.
• Do try to get to know his friends and show a genuine interest in them – ask them about themselves, and be sure to note any mutual interests you may have. Pay attention to the things that are happening to them, and the next time you see them make it a point to show that you remembered by asking,” How did you job interview go?” or “Has your brother recovered from his operation yet?”
• No one can hate someone they had fun with! Bowling afternoons or day trips to tourist spots are fun outings you can all share. Make an effort to attend the events that they organize as well.
• Don’t try to smother your boyfriend with puppy love and pet names in the company of his friends, in the hopes of showing off how much of a couple you are. Keep the cute stuff strictly private!
• Be understanding of your boyfriend’s need to spend time with his friends. Giving your guy some space and time to hang out with his mates will help them give you the thumbs up!