Advice From The Trenches of Dating

Have you ever noticed that many of the best dating advice come from those who are not married or otherwise affiliated? That’s because when you’ve been in the trenches for any length of time, there are lots and lots of mistakes that have been made that we writers of dating advice columns hope that you can learn from. As one of the walking wounded, I have the following to offer…

If your potential significant other tells you that he or she is a bad girl/boyfriend, it is in your best interests to believe that person. Run far, far away. Whether there is a shady past involving restraining orders or if it is just as simple as they know themselves well enough to explain that for the moment, they are emotionally unavailable, listen. You should also count yourself lucky. Most folks aren’t so willing to wave their red flags so readily. They usually try to hide their ugly side for at least six months.

Never date a person who talks incessantly about their past dating experiences. Thousands of columnists have advised, and wisely, that you should not discuss exes when getting into a new relationship. Anyone idiotic enough not to heed this advice is not worth your time. It is a sure sign that they are not emotionally ready, and if you let them get away with it, you can rest assured that they will never be fully invested in you. Accept the free dinner and or fun night and then head for the hills.

It is an ugly reality that money impacts a relationship, even in the early stages. Of course, in these economic times, it cannot be a huge priority for a potential mate to have a high paying job. But be honest with yourself about what you want. Personally, money or lack thereof is something that can, and should be worked around, but that’s just me. I think it is far more important that your potential partner has aspirations of some sort, and is enthusiastically working toward those goals. If your guy or girl’s only excitement in life comes from dating, you are taking on a load, and I don’t just mean a financial burden, either.

Does your potential significant other have friends that he/she actually goes out with to do social activities? If not, you could be the only interesting thing in that persons life. You DO NOT want to be the only interesting thing in anyone’s life. That is way too much pressure for anyone. Different sorts of relationships in anyone’s life provide them with different things. You probably don’t go to your Dad with the same problems you would go to your Mom with, ditto with brothers versus sisters, and friends versus lovers. No one can or should get every emotional need met by one person, and one person only. And that sort of isolating behavior can be a set up for some dangerous situations.

So there you have it, four big red flags to avoid. Here is hoping that I, personally, do not have to discover more of them…