20 Clues Your Boyfriend is a Keeper

July 10, 2008 by Angelita DeBois  
Published in Dating

A handy uplifting guide to staying with your love bunny.

I’ve written a few articles and I’ve noticed that I’m very negative. Why does everything I write have to be about breaking up? Why can’t I be fair and equal in my writing? I know for a fact there are some great guys (and gals if you are into that sort of thing…not that there’s anything wrong with it…oh, sheesh) out there. Let’s give it up to them (go ahead and clap)! Anyway, how can you tell that your honey is a hero and not a zero (sheesh, again. I’m corny.)? Well, for all you clueless lovers, I’ve compiled a list of twenty (obvious) clues that your baby is a keeper!

He doesn’t spit in your face

If he only spits on cops, teachers, crossing guards and the like but doesn’t spit on you, which can only mean one thing: he likes you. A Lot. Consider yourself a lucky (and dry) woman.

He hasn’t hit you in a really long time

Would your man be considered someone who is “free with his hands”? Well count yourself a lucky woman if he hasn’t been “free” in the last couple of days. He said he’d never do it again…so it must be true, right?

He’s always with you. Always.

Your man would make a stalker seem lazy. He’s with you so much, he’s like a shadow-but manlier! He’s with you right now, isn’t he? Laugh together! It’s fun to pretend you have a Siamese twin!

You’ve never actually caught him in a lie

Your guy is super. If you have any doubts or suspicions, he lays them to rest. He’s got an explanation for everything. Isn’t that grand?

He keeps his cheating on the down low

You already know men cheat; they’ve always cheated on you. You appreciate your guy that he keeps his cheating a secret. No hoes calling the house at all hours. He takes a shower before he comes home. He doesn’t mess up and call you by the other woman’s name. What a gentleman!

He only borrows money on your payday

Your man considers your feelings. He knows that asking you for money a week before payday only makes you feel guilty because you don’t have any money to give him. He waits until you’re flush, and then hits you up for cash. He’s ever so thoughtful.

He keeps his baby mama in check

Just because some “ho had a baby by your man doesn”t give her the right to butt into your relationship. Your man keeps her in check! He let her know that he’s got a new woman now and he can’t have any drama. Now that’s a real man!

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39 Responses to “20 Clues Your Boyfriend is a Keeper”
  1. Obbop Says:

    This fmale is acceptable to the Females as Property Movement ™

  2. Redburn Says:

    Very Funny!

  3. Bob Says:

    Seriously, Johnny? You have absolutely no sense of humor. Whatsoever. Go die in a hole.

  4. LadyWeeks Says:

    I know this is a joke, but you would have to have wasted an awful lot of time and effort writing this dribble. Stick to the negative aspects, they seem far more realistic.

  5. theauthor Says:

    In response to LadyWeeks; don’t be jealous just because i have such a stellar man, loads of time, and talent to write coherently. I must share with the world all the things that makes my man extra special.

    However, thanks for the comment!

    Stay tuned for my other missives:

    “How to be you man’s love slave in 1 easy step”
    “Low self esteem is a good thing”
    “A man’s place is telling me how to think”

  6. Ryan Says:

    “If he could remain conscience, it might even write a scientific paper on his outstanding discoveries.”
    I think you mean “If he could remain conscious…”

    conscience – the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.
    conscious – having mental faculties undulled by sleep, faintness, or stupor

    Sorry. Pet peeve. Funny article though.

  7. Nubi505 Says:

    This was a fun article to read for kicks. But if my man was really like that, he’d lose the ability to have kids or even enjoy his manhood very quickly.

    Pretty funny, kept me entertained. ^.^ And kudos to Johnny G., someone that has a guy name so is probably a guy, for seeming decent.

  8. Johanan Rakkav Says:

    Oy. For my taste, I would’ve preferred a satire along the lines of “20 Signs That Your Padawan Is A Keeper (Rather Than The Next Galactic Emperor)”.

  9. Laura Says:

    Guess I’ll be on cops soon because these requirments hit a little too close to home. E-mailing this to my man…who is no longer on parole…right now :)

  10. timmy Says:

    Ha Johnny G sounds like Dimitri the Douche Bag

    nice

  11. JenysieJane Says:

    Well I liked it, it does refer to a lot of men these days. I realize it’s supposed to be a joke…and quite funny at that…for the girls that actually date losers described above…I feel sorry for you and you should get the hell out of that relationship!!!

  12. RebeccaJeanine71 Says:

    Omg!!! I SO loved this artical!!! I could totally see this in RedBook or something like that!!! They need a LITTLE more “humor” in some of those magazines!!! I couldn’t STOP Laughn’, you had me crackn’ up so HARD!!!! CLEVER, just CLEVER!!
    GREAT Job!!!
    Keep on Writing and Keep on, keeping on! :)
    -Rebecca :)

  13. Heart Stone Says:

    I read all the comments, there are negative and positive. But, whatever it is…men has their own identity and both of them are different.

  14. Spin88 Says:

    writing talent > this article

    Though I suspect you could do better if you actually put some effort into your next article.

  15. leelo Says:

    poignantly funny

  16. Laura Lee Says:

    wow…. is this a funny or poor girl…. u have been through the ringer…. keep ur head up…. there will be others

  17. LovLee Says:

    This was great… I so enjoyed it… I wish all women were able to find this a joke… but truth be told… too many women find this man a gem… keep up the great work! And to those women who know no better these are not the qualities of a great guy this is the qualities of an at least guy…”At least he does not beat me” but… “He pulls my hair”! ( ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!!) LOVE YOURSELF and watch the MEN fall to your feet!! And the little boys that want to be men run off to find someone else to bully!

  18. Lissette Benitez de Cruz Says:

    Very funny stuff!! I’m gald you got things even… lol

  19. Lindsay Dean Says:

    Hahaha, cute!

  20. Drake Says:

    You know, I read this and it sounds disturbingly like a friend of mine who just proposed to a girl he hadn’t seen in 8 months.

  21. tonisan60 Says:

    I know some men like this, they really exist, thank God we are not all the same, jeje.
    Claps for your funny article.

  22. HEATHERNB Says:

    MY MAN HAS NEVER CHEATED ON ME, HE TREATS ME LIKE A PRINCESS, ANYTHING I WANT HE GETS FOR ME. HE HAS NEVER HIT ME OR HAS NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT, HES THE BEST. HE DONT ASK FOR MONEY, HE IS THE ONE WORKING, WE TRAVEL FOR A LIVING AND HE TOLD ME I NEVER HAVE TO WORK A DAY IN MY LIFE. HES GREAT

  23. Tec Says:

    Am sorie if your boyfriend is half of what you wrote and am more sorie if what u wrote is what you looking 4 in ure futher boyfriends coz trust me u will die alone with 20 cats dats if they dont take de quested exit and if i mean if ure in love with de one u have now den ure an idiot am sorie didnt mean 2be rude but de truth has 2 be told

  24. MK Says:

    Just a thought…

    Irony: the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning

  25. Lady Winter Says:

    Very amusing article, I enjoyed the wit involved in it’s creation.
    I laughed at the titles of the upcoming ones in your response to LadyWeeks I think you should write them, just for a lark.

  26. DondarXlover Says:

    Harharhar

    That’s hilarious I think I’ll email it to my fiance XD

  27. Okee dokee Says:

    I was, ahem, gonna say I laughed and liked the irony, but then I read the comments and I think perhaps that you have a way of touching people, in a good way, really.

  28. Michael Stymic Says:

    I LOVE a cynical perspective. This is thoughtful and hilarious. Sadly, in far too many instances, it is true as well.

  29. Pete Says:

    You forgot one very important thing! He leaves the toilet seat down for you.

  30. Brooke Says:

    HA! HA! This is hilarious…
    It makes me feel better about my last douche bag boyfriend.

  31. Fleur Says:

    It’s sarcastic humor is what I am taking it for.

  32. nick Says:

    god, i never know that there are so many rules to abidy by to be a keeper of a girl.

  33. E.G. Sebastian Says:

    Dear author,

    I haven’t loughed so much in a looong time. I even called in my daughter to learn about the “great signs” that she’s got a great boyfriend…

    And, don’t let the negative coments discourage you (and I know they don’t :) ). We are all different, which also means that our sense of humor is different too.

    Great job!

    Can’t wait to read your other articles

    e.g. Sebastian
    http://www.discSales101.com

  34. G. Grissom Says:

    Too funny! Kudos to you!

  35. Michael Hoppal Says:

    This was fantastic. Excellent work.

  36. Josey Says:

    This is very funny. Makes me feel like I’ve married a prince. Thanks for the early morning laugh!

  37. dugane Says:

    hey, those 20 are really too much. If 5 of these are met, I think he SURE is a keeper ;) ))

  38. blackoutt Says:

    lol i love it i’m a guy and it really puts in place what i should do and its got a lot of good one liners 10 out of 10

  39. Angelita DeBois Says:

    Ladies, if you need more information, you can check out my new article. http://beyondjane.com/relationships/twelve-reasons-why-you-allow-your-man-to-cheat-on-you/.


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