10 Signs Your Man is Cheating on You
May 11, 2008 by Angelita DeBois
Published in Dating
Be the “Nancy Drew” in your relationship if you suspect your man of cheating. Check the signs.
Have you been having sneaking suspicions? Daunting Doubts? If you’ve watched any “Maury” at all, you’ve seen enough stories to know that the woman asking for a lie detector test already has more than enough information to suspect her man of cheating/leading a double life/dressing as a clown. Do you have to go to the extreme of hooking up your honey to a machine? Heck no! If you are a smart, capable and intelligent woman, you already have all the tools you need to sniff out the truth. All you have to do is open your eyes to the following signs:
Black becomes White
A sure sign of a problem is when your man was a talker and then turns into a deaf-mute (or vice-versa). This is one of the very first signs to look for. Only the truly insane can carry on a double life. Normal people (even cheating men); find it difficult to lie on demand. So, instead of telling you about his day (like he used to do), he clams up for fear of revealing too much. The guy who never said anything suddenly starts giving up all sorts of information to “screen” his other activities. Beware any sudden or inexplicable shift in your man’s personality.
The Vanishing
Men are creatures of their own habits. You don’t need for your man to disappear for days at a time to suspect something. However, missing hours, longer than average times to do a task (three hours to get milk from the store, an hour to fill up the tank, etc.) are another sure sign.
See, what had happen was…
This one is in close company with number two. Your man disappears but when he returns, he’s got some outlandish tale of intrigue that caused him to be late. Sometimes these tales aren’t obvious, such as, “Honey, I was kidnapped by gypsies!”, but they still stretch the imagination. The way you can tell is from your own experience and the frequency in which you have to hear you man’s tall tale. If he never told you such fanciful tales before, but know goes out of his way to explain now, watch out.
The hunted becomes the hunter…
This is a classic technique that: deflect guilt by accusing someone else. Some of the higher level of the man animal employs this technique. Why defend yourself if you can make someone else feel guilty? I have fallen for this myself. The trick is to not deviate from what the original discussion/argument/Battle-Royal was all about. He will employ all the tricks at his disposal to deflect you. Remaining focused is the key; no matter what he tries.
Your future looks hazy…
He used to talk about future plans with you. He suddenly stops. Why? It’s because he doesn’t see you as part of HIS future. If you can’t answer, “where do you see us in 6 months?” it’s because he doesn’t see the “us” in six months.
They call me Mr. Clean!
This goes back to when I stated that men are creatures of habit. Ladies, you don’t have to see the lipstick, or smell the perfume. Men don’t like to change the soap that they normally use; they don’t like to use a different deodorant than the one they have been using since they first got chest hair. Men don’t like to use to cologne if they didn’t before. So, if your man changes his grooming routine, it’s because he’s trying to through off the scent of any possible pursuit. No wonder we refer to men as “dogs”!
Brother, can you spare a dime?
Cheating costs money. Suddenly empty pockets with no explanation on where the money went is another clue that can’t be ignored. Remember the movie “Brewster’s Millions” with Richard Pryor? He had to spend 30 million dollars in a month without anything to show for it in order to inherit 300 million (my knowledge of cheesy “80″s movies is endless). In the movie, Brewster found out that it’s harder than it seemed. What’s my point? No one can really spend money without some proof on what it was spent on. If your man just got paid and has nothing to sure for it – it’s because he can’t SHOW you what he spent his money on.
Secret Agent Man
Mysterious late night phone calls. Anonymous emails. Unknown late night business meetings. But your man works at “McDonalds”. “Nuff said.
History repeats itself; repeatedly
I know we should forgive and forget, but if your man was cheating on another woman to be with you in the first place, chances are that he hasn”t changed his old ways. It got him you, didn’t it? Some men don’t like to leave one relationship until they have a new one in place. They like to trade up only when the wheels have fallen off the old ride.
If you’re reading this, it may already be too late…
The best judge of if your man is cheating is you. You can look for signs, but there are some men that are very clever. Like a ninja, they leave no trace. You have to trust your judgment when dealing with anyone, even someone you care about. A relationship between two adults should be based on trust. If you can’t trust your man, the relationship is dead; it just hasn’t been buried yet. If you are looking for signs, it’s because you already know but want some confirmation. Unless, of course, you’re the crazy, jealous girlfriend type and no matter what, you think your man is cheating on you. In that case, you need therapy.
Liked it
May 12th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Haha, have found myself to fit into several of these categories. Very accurate writing. Good job, just hope my latest clueless girl doesn’t read this or I’ll get caught! Haha.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:13 am
is your girl clueless or is she also cheating? women make the best cheaters…does SHE fit the profile?
May 13th, 2008 at 7:34 am
“Men don’t like to change the soap that they normally use; they don’t like to use a different deodorant than the one they have been using since they first got chest hair. Men don’t like to use to cologne if they didn’t before. So, if your man changes his grooming routine, it’s because he’s trying to through off the scent of any possible pursuit. No wonder we refer to men as “dogs”!”
No offense, but I found this part of your article misleading and presumptive at best, and calling anything a “sure sign” of cheating as you did with the statement “that’s another sure sign” is also misleading, as for shifts in personality there may be other reasons why personalities change, people are constantly changing to some degree or another, it’s not a sign of cheating it’s just human nature.
a couple of points you made in this article though, I can agree with, I just think some of the points(as the 1 I relisted in my commentary) are just you being a little paranoid, maybe?
P.S. maybe if women respected their men more instead of calling them “dogs” maybe the men wouldn’t cheat. A relationship has to be mutually respectful, if a man thinks his wife or girlfriend is just using him, then that will ruin the relationship real quick.
Respect,Love,Trust and faithfulness from both sides is what it takes to build a strong relationship,
May 13th, 2008 at 7:44 am
thank you for your comment. i myself have never been cheated on though i watch a lot of television like most modern learned americans and that’s where i have gleaned most of my expertise. the truly exceptional are outnumbered by the truly stupid including men who cheat on their girlfriends. i have always respected men; although i think we through that term around too much. how many real men do you know? about as many real women i know. maybe that’s why i haven’t been cheated on but i realize that i’m one of the minority.
May 13th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Personally I’d choose true Love, but some people, who have become lovers of themselves and self indulgent, would rather momentary pleasures,and will do anything to satisfy their own selfish lusts.
It’s sad really
May 13th, 2008 at 8:01 am
to you women, there are still us good men out there you just need to tread the hunting grounds carefully these days, thanks for posting this Iris it will help a lot of women to be more careful
May 17th, 2008 at 2:12 am
The moral decay of society is based on the bread social condition that currently exists. What was once unacceptable is now common. The media ( T.V. and the radio ) speak of “Freedom of Speech” and how important it is for a free society. This is true but when its exploited by zelots for profit, their depths show they have no shame. We see and hear this every day. Now ask yourselves why it is people cheat.
If you can love and respect yourself, you can love and respect another. Remember: realtionships are worked on EVERYDAY.
June 3rd, 2008 at 4:11 pm
gr8 article..as i am recovering from being cheated on….i wish i could believe that there r faithful men out there…but this last one did such a number……..he took all i had….and bought the witch home………i hope none of u had to go threw that…..it was devastating…to say this least…i had roomates that watched him let her in……..i dont think i will recover…..from that prick.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
all ov what i have read in that article is very much what im noticeing with my fella…its only but confirmd my suspicions of him cheating the big give awy was he never came bak home all night and has just got bak thats one whole day an one whole night..may be iv just been in denile of the whole situation
August 5th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
tHE sIGNS aRE sO tRUE && tHIS wEBSITE rEALLY oPENED mY eYES b/C i wAS bLIND tO tHE fACT tHAT iM tO nICE && tO gOOD tO bE lIED tO…
tHANKS
August 24th, 2008 at 6:00 am
So much of this is true in my experience with one twist – my husband (or nearly ex)prefers to live a secretive life on a daily basis. This is the only way he can live – to be secretive; and he always has been like this, according to his family. The ugliest part of it is that he is so good at cover-up and manipulation, I feel like I’m going insane just knowing how insane his behaviors are! And then there are the therapists who can’t understand why I feel like I’m going nuts “because he’s essentially out of your life” – not with 2 children, he’s not!
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
If you happen to find the scratches I left all over his body. That is a sure sign.
October 4th, 2008 at 1:02 am
IS THERE SUCH A THANG CALLED TRUE LOVE????
October 24th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
You are describing exactly the same symptoms that an alcoholic falling off the wagon has. Interesting, yes?
October 24th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
degenerate drunks and cheating boyfriends have a lot in common; sometimes they are one in the same. that’s not MY fault!
November 10th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
if he works at mcdonalds he sure is cheating on you ,i would no i work thier .
March 21st, 2009 at 11:41 am
i really liked it very interesting
April 18th, 2009 at 8:54 am
I posted a new article based on your comments; how to break up. You can find it here: http://www.beyondjane.com/Relationships/How-to-Break-Up.656287.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
if a man comes home and tells you a bunch of gurls were hollering at him- what does this mean? is this something couples should tell each other.
May 16th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I have just gone out with a latin man… ohhh boy did I get myself into a whole pile of… I realised that something was not quite right a month into the relationship…(He pursued me for 4 months before I got into one with him)…condoms began to go missing with no explanation. He started getting all up tight when I approached him by surprise whilst he was using his phone, he started keeping time, lied about stupid things and used confusion to throw me off track…oh and the classic…when I confronted him, he began to acuse me of cheating and lieing…finally, the day I read his profile on RSVP which stated that he was single and looking for a short or long term relationship I gave the boy his wish…The boy must be crazy as he is still pursuing me. It’s a shame that he played me like he did… there was unbelievable chemistry between us…but it just wasn’t worth the stress…I have some advise…if you feel yourself going crazy that something is not quite right…PULL OUT!!! it doesn’t matter that you ar enot able to catch him out… the relief you feel when a person like this is out of your life is enough to help you get through the feelings that you had developed for him…
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
It is funny that I went through every step even before reading this article. I knew all along I have just be trying to keep everything afloat money wise and in every way. He has not worked in a year and now I know why all that freedom during the day at my expense. I just want to stop feeling stupid. I am leaving and I have started to feel sorry for him. But I realized that it was just my heart protecting itself from pain. I know deep down inside from experience that you can not grow if you don’t go through some pain. Because you always become proud of your strengh when it is all said and done…
June 22nd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
wOW I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP.all these signs just make me wanna scream.He turns it on me n uses his lies to cover his mistakes saying cz u r like that i lied.BS This girl calls his cell but they work together so the excuses come in left,right n center.to the pint the cell phone is attached to the hip 24/7 now.HM i wonder y.The new clothing,colone u name it.Is time for me to pack up n leave.Once a cheater always a cheater.I diserve better then someone who can’t be 100% with me like iam with him.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
i found a condom wrapper on my kitchen floor the other morning and he claims he dont know where it came from.. and he looked me it the eye and swore it wasnt his.. im going crazy and i dont know how to find out what s goin on here
September 17th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
@lisa: just because someone happens to look you in the eye doesn’t mean that they aren’t lying to you. Don’t use emotional judgments to figure out the truth. I bet that your man has been leaving other clues around…and not just a condom wrapper. What you want is justification to keep your guy. I ask you, if you need justification to stay with someone, doesn’t that mean the trust is gone? Without trust, their is no relationship.