10 Signs Your Man is Cheating on You
May 11, 2008 by Angelita DeBois
Published in Dating
Be the “Nancy Drew” in your relationship if you suspect your man of cheating. Check the signs.
Have you been having sneaking suspicions? Daunting Doubts? If you’ve watched any “Maury” at all, you’ve seen enough stories to know that the woman asking for a lie detector test already has more than enough information to suspect her man of cheating/leading a double life/dressing as a clown. Do you have to go to the extreme of hooking up your honey to a machine? Heck no! If you are a smart, capable and intelligent woman, you already have all the tools you need to sniff out the truth. All you have to do is open your eyes to the following signs:
Black becomes White
A sure sign of a problem is when your man was a talker and then turns into a deaf-mute (or vice-versa). This is one of the very first signs to look for. Only the truly insane can carry on a double life. Normal people (even cheating men); find it difficult to lie on demand. So, instead of telling you about his day (like he used to do), he clams up for fear of revealing too much. The guy who never said anything suddenly starts giving up all sorts of information to “screen” his other activities. Beware any sudden or inexplicable shift in your man’s personality.
The Vanishing
Men are creatures of their own habits. You don’t need for your man to disappear for days at a time to suspect something. However, missing hours, longer than average times to do a task (three hours to get milk from the store, an hour to fill up the tank, etc.) are another sure sign.
See, what had happen was…
This one is in close company with number two. Your man disappears but when he returns, he’s got some outlandish tale of intrigue that caused him to be late. Sometimes these tales aren’t obvious, such as, “Honey, I was kidnapped by gypsies!”, but they still stretch the imagination. The way you can tell is from your own experience and the frequency in which you have to hear you man’s tall tale. If he never told you such fanciful tales before, but know goes out of his way to explain now, watch out.
The hunted becomes the hunter…
This is a classic technique that: deflect guilt by accusing someone else. Some of the higher level of the man animal employs this technique. Why defend yourself if you can make someone else feel guilty? I have fallen for this myself. The trick is to not deviate from what the original discussion/argument/Battle-Royal was all about. He will employ all the tricks at his disposal to deflect you. Remaining focused is the key; no matter what he tries.
Liked it
May 12th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Haha, have found myself to fit into several of these categories. Very accurate writing. Good job, just hope my latest clueless girl doesn’t read this or I’ll get caught! Haha.
May 13th, 2008 at 6:13 am
is your girl clueless or is she also cheating? women make the best cheaters…does SHE fit the profile?
May 13th, 2008 at 7:34 am
“Men don’t like to change the soap that they normally use; they don’t like to use a different deodorant than the one they have been using since they first got chest hair. Men don’t like to use to cologne if they didn’t before. So, if your man changes his grooming routine, it’s because he’s trying to through off the scent of any possible pursuit. No wonder we refer to men as “dogs”!”
No offense, but I found this part of your article misleading and presumptive at best, and calling anything a “sure sign” of cheating as you did with the statement “that’s another sure sign” is also misleading, as for shifts in personality there may be other reasons why personalities change, people are constantly changing to some degree or another, it’s not a sign of cheating it’s just human nature.
a couple of points you made in this article though, I can agree with, I just think some of the points(as the 1 I relisted in my commentary) are just you being a little paranoid, maybe?
P.S. maybe if women respected their men more instead of calling them “dogs” maybe the men wouldn’t cheat. A relationship has to be mutually respectful, if a man thinks his wife or girlfriend is just using him, then that will ruin the relationship real quick.
Respect,Love,Trust and faithfulness from both sides is what it takes to build a strong relationship,
May 13th, 2008 at 7:44 am
thank you for your comment. i myself have never been cheated on though i watch a lot of television like most modern learned americans and that’s where i have gleaned most of my expertise. the truly exceptional are outnumbered by the truly stupid including men who cheat on their girlfriends. i have always respected men; although i think we through that term around too much. how many real men do you know? about as many real women i know. maybe that’s why i haven’t been cheated on but i realize that i’m one of the minority.
May 13th, 2008 at 7:56 am
Personally I’d choose true Love, but some people, who have become lovers of themselves and self indulgent, would rather momentary pleasures,and will do anything to satisfy their own selfish lusts.
It’s sad really
May 13th, 2008 at 8:01 am
to you women, there are still us good men out there you just need to tread the hunting grounds carefully these days, thanks for posting this Iris it will help a lot of women to be more careful
May 17th, 2008 at 2:12 am
The moral decay of society is based on the bread social condition that currently exists. What was once unacceptable is now common. The media ( T.V. and the radio ) speak of “Freedom of Speech” and how important it is for a free society. This is true but when its exploited by zelots for profit, their depths show they have no shame. We see and hear this every day. Now ask yourselves why it is people cheat.
If you can love and respect yourself, you can love and respect another. Remember: realtionships are worked on EVERYDAY.
June 3rd, 2008 at 4:11 pm
gr8 article..as i am recovering from being cheated on….i wish i could believe that there r faithful men out there…but this last one did such a number……..he took all i had….and bought the witch home………i hope none of u had to go threw that…..it was devastating…to say this least…i had roomates that watched him let her in……..i dont think i will recover…..from that prick.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
all ov what i have read in that article is very much what im noticeing with my fella…its only but confirmd my suspicions of him cheating the big give awy was he never came bak home all night and has just got bak thats one whole day an one whole night..may be iv just been in denile of the whole situation
August 5th, 2008 at 12:54 pm
tHE sIGNS aRE sO tRUE && tHIS wEBSITE rEALLY oPENED mY eYES b/C i wAS bLIND tO tHE fACT tHAT iM tO nICE && tO gOOD tO bE lIED tO…
tHANKS
August 24th, 2008 at 6:00 am
So much of this is true in my experience with one twist – my husband (or nearly ex)prefers to live a secretive life on a daily basis. This is the only way he can live – to be secretive; and he always has been like this, according to his family. The ugliest part of it is that he is so good at cover-up and manipulation, I feel like I’m going insane just knowing how insane his behaviors are! And then there are the therapists who can’t understand why I feel like I’m going nuts “because he’s essentially out of your life” – not with 2 children, he’s not!
October 3rd, 2008 at 3:06 pm
If you happen to find the scratches I left all over his body. That is a sure sign.
October 4th, 2008 at 1:02 am
IS THERE SUCH A THANG CALLED TRUE LOVE????
October 24th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
You are describing exactly the same symptoms that an alcoholic falling off the wagon has. Interesting, yes?
October 24th, 2008 at 5:57 pm
degenerate drunks and cheating boyfriends have a lot in common; sometimes they are one in the same. that’s not MY fault!
November 10th, 2008 at 8:27 pm
if he works at mcdonalds he sure is cheating on you ,i would no i work thier .
March 21st, 2009 at 11:41 am
i really liked it very interesting
April 18th, 2009 at 8:54 am
I posted a new article based on your comments; how to break up. You can find it here: http://www.beyondjane.com/Relationships/How-to-Break-Up.656287.
May 4th, 2009 at 12:15 pm
if a man comes home and tells you a bunch of gurls were hollering at him- what does this mean? is this something couples should tell each other.
May 16th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
I have just gone out with a latin man… ohhh boy did I get myself into a whole pile of… I realised that something was not quite right a month into the relationship…(He pursued me for 4 months before I got into one with him)…condoms began to go missing with no explanation. He started getting all up tight when I approached him by surprise whilst he was using his phone, he started keeping time, lied about stupid things and used confusion to throw me off track…oh and the classic…when I confronted him, he began to acuse me of cheating and lieing…finally, the day I read his profile on RSVP which stated that he was single and looking for a short or long term relationship I gave the boy his wish…The boy must be crazy as he is still pursuing me. It’s a shame that he played me like he did… there was unbelievable chemistry between us…but it just wasn’t worth the stress…I have some advise…if you feel yourself going crazy that something is not quite right…PULL OUT!!! it doesn’t matter that you ar enot able to catch him out… the relief you feel when a person like this is out of your life is enough to help you get through the feelings that you had developed for him…
June 2nd, 2009 at 3:10 pm
It is funny that I went through every step even before reading this article. I knew all along I have just be trying to keep everything afloat money wise and in every way. He has not worked in a year and now I know why all that freedom during the day at my expense. I just want to stop feeling stupid. I am leaving and I have started to feel sorry for him. But I realized that it was just my heart protecting itself from pain. I know deep down inside from experience that you can not grow if you don’t go through some pain. Because you always become proud of your strengh when it is all said and done…
June 22nd, 2009 at 1:19 pm
wOW I KNEW SOMETHING WAS UP.all these signs just make me wanna scream.He turns it on me n uses his lies to cover his mistakes saying cz u r like that i lied.BS This girl calls his cell but they work together so the excuses come in left,right n center.to the pint the cell phone is attached to the hip 24/7 now.HM i wonder y.The new clothing,colone u name it.Is time for me to pack up n leave.Once a cheater always a cheater.I diserve better then someone who can’t be 100% with me like iam with him.
September 16th, 2009 at 1:36 pm
i found a condom wrapper on my kitchen floor the other morning and he claims he dont know where it came from.. and he looked me it the eye and swore it wasnt his.. im going crazy and i dont know how to find out what s goin on here
September 17th, 2009 at 4:59 pm
@lisa: just because someone happens to look you in the eye doesn’t mean that they aren’t lying to you. Don’t use emotional judgments to figure out the truth. I bet that your man has been leaving other clues around…and not just a condom wrapper. What you want is justification to keep your guy. I ask you, if you need justification to stay with someone, doesn’t that mean the trust is gone? Without trust, their is no relationship.
December 18th, 2009 at 10:54 am
The article was very accurate. I just don’t understand. Why, if the man doesn’t want to be in the relationship, doesn’t he just break up with the person. He was given every oportunity to be honest or let me go. In the end, I was tired of holding fact in hand while fiction rolled off his tongue. The torture I went through while being told I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE THE WHOLE PACKAGE, and WILL YOU MARRY ME….was truly evil. Do they even feel guilt.
February 3rd, 2010 at 10:29 pm
Mine cheated on me with our room mate. I couldn’t leave him. We worked through it and are engaged now. I’m away from home for a bit and have a feeling he is cheating on me as I type this but I can’t do anything about it. I won’t be home for a while and we can only talk though the phone, as I’ve taken the computer with me. I’m torn, I’ve got a list of what I’m going to look for when I get home and if any of it is there, I don’t know what to do. Any suggestions? Help please…
April 3rd, 2010 at 5:03 am
Cheating sucks!
November 20th, 2010 at 11:46 pm
he doesnt tell me when his ex txts him or talks to him. he threatens me with talking to her, or when he sees and attractive girl, he makes a comment. he said he was just trying to make me jealous.. i dont know anymore. when i ask him he asks why i am so paranoid and that i am being annoying. i dont say anything else so he doesnt get mad. but i dont know what do. i love him. and i wont let him go. he tells me he loves me in person, but when we text, he just says cool, or i know, when i tell him i love him. i cant live without him. HELP
December 14th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
I think my man is cheating. He used to spend every weekend with me and every night of the week. He is very clingy. Lately he isn\’t as clingy and attached. He goes out with a \”cousin\” about two nights each week and is now going out of state about twice a month. When he goes out of state he is saying he\’s with family but doesn\’t call me like he normally does. My instincts say he is cheating….
December 17th, 2010 at 3:52 am
I think my man is cheating… he has gone off sex recently and its really strange as he is normally well up for it. When we have had sex recently, he always complains that what im doing is wrong or hes not enjoying it and there has been a few times he has smelt funny – its not perfume but he smells like sex… it sound strange but my instinct is telling me hes up to no good. He has been working different shifts at work as he normally works nights and has stopped going to the gym which is strange as he was well into that before. Hes not the man I knew several months ago and is attitude has completely changed towards me. We have three children together but im not willing to put up with his unfaithful behaviour again. Does anyone have any suggestions about what I should do?
December 20th, 2010 at 12:45 am
These signs are so accurate. Although I belong to a Middle Eastern culture and I was married to a guy who was americanized (like 100%). He cheated on me with a white chick while in marriage and some of the major signs were. Accusations on me for dressing up sexy and stepping out of the house which never happened, thats deflect factor that was just talked about. He started to come home later than usual- by late I mean 5 in the morning. His wedding band was off and he offered a dumb explanation of how he lost it (even though he was an advocate about keeping the band on 24/7). He would pick on my eatign habits, and he changed the bedrooms. He didnt want to touch me in bed and wouldnt want to be touched. And opposite was the case earlier.
Thanks for such a great article…. Hopefully no one has to go through this.
December 29th, 2010 at 11:38 am
Hello , my name is Sandi . I completely agree with the article. I am , well I belive I am dealing with a cheating man now. I will continue to gather evidence until I can prove he’s cheating AGAIN! The sad thing is I’m currently pregnant by him, so I can’t do but so much, ya know? This is killing me, but I know I have to be strong for the babys sake.
February 1st, 2011 at 1:10 am
The Vanishing act is one to pay attention to. The cheating man will always need to make time away from home to see his lover. Sometimes, this time is forced and it will be noticeable. Pay attention ladies! Very nice article!
February 19th, 2011 at 10:03 pm
I confess I’m cheating with the maid. Reason: My wife accuses me of being home early, never going out with friends and always being with the kids. She says I don’t give her space. The punishmet: No sex unless I plead like a baby. The maid on the other hand adores me and initiates affection. Blame me if you like but I don’t think my wife makes it any easier.
May 11th, 2011 at 3:37 am
There is no such thing as “true love” girls. It’s all crap brought to you by harelquin romance novels. The truth is all men cheat because they have a strong drive to do so and nothing is going to change that. It doesn’t matter if you are a victoria’s secret model or a fat house frau, in the end your man wants sex with as many women as he can get and as long as he’s getting away with it he thinks it’s not hurting anyone. Men are gross pigs and you should turn lesbian if you want a real relationship. I realize this is shocking but it’s true. We females have been lied to by our mothers, the media and society.
July 30th, 2011 at 6:08 am
is there any men who never cheated before? if so, please post. i live in a small town and i have heard lots of cheating boyfriends/husbens.
August 17th, 2011 at 6:01 pm
We have been together a little over five months now. He was amazing at first.. Don’t get me wrong he still is. I just see some things that have changed on his part. He is a full time student in college but he always says he is to “busy” to see me. & then I notice people talking about what he’s doing & when he’s doing it & stories don’t add up. Party’s I don’t get invited to and such. That’s the only thing I see. I trust my gut feeling! What should I do? Also gets defensive when I ask him questions.
January 26th, 2012 at 1:55 am
i have a husband who has lately started askin me ?’s like r u cheatin on me when he never has before and i never gave him a reason to think that. he goes out with his “friends” and comes home at 3a.m. or later in the mornin. he always is callin makin sure i am at home when he goes out and callin tellin me i am lyin or i just got home cuz he saw me somewhere i never was. i think he is cheatin but i jus don’t know where at. i what to know if any of you have any suggestions to catch him. if you do please email me @ johnson52392@gmail.com
February 3rd, 2012 at 1:11 am
My husband cheated on me in the beginning of our marriage. I had just had my little girl and he was apparently parading the girl at work, with friends and with family. No one dared tell me anything. One day one person had the gutts to tell me. I started investigating and it was more real than anything I have ever lived before. Then, I caught him with a girl in our apartment after a short separation (the same day I moved out). Well, now, 10 years later and 3 kids later, he has begged me to forgive him numerous times. Here I am again, noticing patterns and reading this article. I confront him and he gets super mad at me, making me feel extremely paranoid and crazy. I just had my 3rd baby 2 months ago. The first day I came back from the hospital, there was a lipstick kiss on our livingroom window and someone left a message on my phone saying, “You’re an asshole.” A few weeks ago there was a strange phone call at 5:00 a.m. Someone put a love song in our answering machine. I confronted my husband about it and he keeps on telling me I am worrying for nothing and that he is getting tired of my jealous and paranoid way of thinking. I don’t know what to think? I find myself now reading this article for a reason. Can the author please tell me her opinion?
April 22nd, 2012 at 12:29 pm
So Im pretty sure my boyfriends cheating on me! He left last night at 9pm to “work” and here it is 12:30pm the next day and he’s still not home. WHAT TO DO???? I cant take this any more. I have 2 kids and just want my family to work. This is not the first time he’s cheated but the very first time he’s been out like this. Should I be worried or do I just expect he’s cheating?
April 26th, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Women don’t understand men! The don’t believe in working in relationship then they don’t understand why a man would cheat!
Women work hard at getting a man by offering up sexual diversity and lies; then when men finally commit to the woman the women gets fat tired and bitchy. They start dictating how and when the are going to get sexy for a man. They dont care about us only what we can do for them. They are to busy talking and pointing fingers to really understand the needs of men.
We don’t need women to feed us, clean our laundry, wash the dishes pay our bills take care of our children. We do that together now.
We need women to provide us sexual diversity, something that only a small number of single women understand. This is why your husband boyfriend lover friends cheats on you. Most of feel guilty but you only have yourself to blame because you never figured out what you man needs. Sexualy diversity!
April 26th, 2012 at 4:51 pm
Women and men cheat, but for different reasons. Men cheat to satisfy their ego of conquering the unknown or to realize a goal of acheiving something forbidden. Women cheat to realize that they are still desirable or wanted.
Clues are evident long before the actual cheating occures e.g. lack of affection, lack of fun between each other, and/or name calling and irraitability.
By the time he or she is proetecting their cell phone, staying away for hours etc. then it is too late to reel them back in.
August 9th, 2012 at 9:57 pm
lmbo.. i couldnt help but smile reading this. It’s sooo true but dear author i felt your personality through your words. Funny . Ugh.. now imma decide if imma act a fool when this man get home or be quiet. He on strike 2 and i never let my men get to strike 3 .
Funny i needed that laugh and dose of wisdom over there.
September 30th, 2012 at 3:43 am
Interesting… Anyway I am engaged and my man goes abroad here and there for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. All and all, 3 months in a year.
Anyway at the beginning of the relationship he was what he called ‘going through a transmission phase’ between me and his ex.
I m still upset about it even though its been 9 months since the incident. He became veery distant and didnt text me for a week.
He hasnt cheated on me since(what i am aware of). But we had an argument when he was abroad 3 months ago and i found him on the dating website we met on. I used a fake account to catch him since his behaviour was really negative.
Anyway we made up. Said he didnt do anything with anyone.
Hes been away 2 weeks now, another week before he comes home.
He s been acting really strange… Cant tell if it s because he misses me or something is the matter.
He s been saying things like, he s gonna change and spend more time with me instead of gaming. Says that he knows now that we are made for eachother… things like that, and sending me smiley faces in the txts. He s never done that before.
What s going on with him? Is he genuinely had some sort of revelation or is he guilty about something?
September 30th, 2012 at 3:44 am
Interesting… Anyway I am engaged and my man goes abroad here and there for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. All and all, 3 months in a year.
Anyway at the beginning of the relationship he was what he called ‘going through a transmission phase’ between me and his ex.
I m still upset about it even though its been 9 months since the incident. He became veery distant and didnt text me for a week.
He hasnt cheated on me since(what i am aware of). But we had an argument when he was abroad 3 months ago and i found him on the dating website we met on. I used a fake account to catch him since his behaviour was really negative.
Anyway we made up. Said he didnt do anything with anyone.
Hes been away 2 weeks now, another week before he comes home.
He s been acting really strange… Cant tell if it s because he misses me or something is the matter.
He s been saying things like, he s gonna change and spend more time with me instead of gaming. Says that he knows now that we are made for eachother… things like that, and sending me smiley faces in the txts. He s never done that before.
What s going on with him? Is he genuinely had some sort of revelation or is he guilty about something?
September 30th, 2012 at 3:44 am
Interesting… Anyway I am engaged and my man goes abroad here and there for 2 or 3 weeks at a time. All and all, 3 months in a year.
Anyway at the beginning of the relationship he was what he called \’going through a transmission phase\’ between me and his ex.
I m still upset about it even though its been 9 months since the incident. He became veery distant and didnt text me for a week.
He hasnt cheated on me since(what i am aware of). But we had an argument when he was abroad 3 months ago and i found him on the dating website we met on. I used a fake account to catch him since his behaviour was really negative.
Anyway we made up. Said he didnt do anything with anyone.
Hes been away 2 weeks now, another week before he comes home.
He s been acting really strange… Cant tell if it s because he misses me or something is the matter.
He s been saying things like, he s gonna change and spend more time with me instead of gaming. Says that he knows now that we are made for eachother… things like that, and sending me smiley faces in the txts. He s never done that before.
What s going on with him? Is he genuinely had some sort of revelation or is he guilty about something?
September 30th, 2012 at 3:53 am
sorry bout that… it came out 2 times dunno why.
October 30th, 2012 at 9:31 pm
HEL MY NAME IS SHEENA I HAVE BEEN WITH MY BABY FATHER SINCE I WAS 17 NOW IM 25 I HAD A BABY THROW AN AFFAIR AND HE THOUGHT THE BABY WAS HIS TURNED OUT THE OTHER MAN HE ALWAYS PUSHS THAT BASK IN MY FACE EVERYTIME WE AGURE WHAT SHOULD I DO OR DO YOU THINK WE COULD BE BREAKING APART
February 13th, 2013 at 5:26 pm
yes, it’s bad enough when your partner cheats on you, but its far worse when he adds to that and tells you things like you are his only love, his soul mate, the only woman for him, blah blah blah. i heard it all of mine and i always knew it was rubbish. he just never walked the talk. eventually i got rid of him, and have never looked back. i only feel contempt for him now, not for the cheating, but for the headworking.
men are bad liars, least most. if you are clever, you will know they are lying. and all the signs are there, the ‘too clean’ inboxes, no text messages saved, secret email accounts, working overtime suddenly, or odd hours, excuses, outbursts for no reason, picking fights, never has money, body language – these are all give aways
DONT PUT UP WITH IT – GET RID, the relief and peace you feel will be immense and you will quickly forget him, trust me