10 Signs That You’re Dating Mr. Wrong

August 29, 2006 by Beatrice Adams  
Published in Dating

You need to avoid dating the wrong man, so you’ll have room in your life for the right one when he comes along.

I know, I know. Sometimes, it’s hard enough to find a man-any man. But believe me, sometimes it’s better to have no man at all than to be involved with the wrong one. Here are a few signs that you’re dating Mr. Very Wrong:

  1. He’s jobless or always broke. A man who can’t pay for your dates has no business asking you out. If he has no qualms about letting the woman support him while he’s just dating her, don’t expect him to be a better provider when he’s married.
  2. He brags about grave delinquencies or a criminal past. Unfortunately, many women see men like this as “exciting”. That’s extremely foolish. While we have all broken the law at one time or another, people with healthy psyches are ashamed to admit it. A person who is proud of such misadventures has an anti-social personality. He will have no qualms about lying to you, betraying your trust, or having an affair.
  3. He is addicted to drugs, alcohol or pornography. It is a different thing to have such addictions in his past. It may have strengthened his character if he has truly overcome them. But a recovered alcoholic NEVER touches alcohol. And a person who uses addictive drugs or views pornography AT ALL is an addict whether anybody thinks so or not. Don’t try to compete with a chemical or computer image for your man’s affection-you will lose. Believe it or not, there are actually good men out there who will spare you of such baggage.
  4. He habitually works overtime. This may not seem like a problem now, but if he carries this habit after marriage, you will be lonely woman stuck with a sugar daddy, but no husband.
  5. He is unavailable on Christmas OR Valentine’s Day OR his birthday. Three words: He’s Already Married. Don’t fall for that bullshit about his mother wanting the whole family together on holidays. It may sound sweet, but he’s a grown man who will do anything to spend at least part of the day with the person most important to him. If that’s not you, it’s probably his wife.
  6. He is always VERY late for your dates. He probably has other “commitments”. (He’s dating other women, or he has errands to run for his wife.)
  7. He won’t let you meet his friends. He has other “commitments”. (His friends know he’s married to, or dating, someone else.)
  8. He seldom sees you more than twice a week, and only for a few hours. He has other “commitments”.
  9. He seldom dates you in public. His wife or her friends might see you.
  10. He makes a big deal about the privacy of his cellphone. Here’s news: men with nothing to hide take pride in letting their girlfriends take their calls and keep their phones when they are together. If your man’s phone is hands-off to you, you can be sure he is hiding something from you. Most likely, it’s his other “commitments”.

Ladies, I know it can be pretty lonely being single. I’ve been there. But believe me, it’s far better to be lonely than to be miserable. (I’ve been there too.)

There are plenty of good fish in the sea, but we often miss them because we are too busy trying to catch bad ones, because they are more “exciting”. But marriage-if that’s what you’re aiming for-is a complicated thing, and once you’re there, making it work with even the most boring, nice guy will still be more excitement than you bargained for.

So give yourself some credit and don’t settle for just any man. You can have a good man who will treat you right, keep your trust, and love you and you alone. Once and for all, get rid of the wrong men in your life, and you will be much more likely to find the right one.

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17 Responses to “10 Signs That You’re Dating Mr. Wrong”
  1. Gail Nobles Says:

    I agree with everything you said.

  2. S cooper Says:

    I am writting about the same subject, and your article is very to the point and accurate.

  3. Beatrice Adams Says:

    Justin, I couldn’t help but react to your comments:

    They’re excellent! (Even if you DO disagree with me on a couple of points – I may have been wrong; you may be right.)

    Your comments could be an entirely new article, and if you don’t write one, somebody else might :)

    Best regards.

  4. francie Says:

    Beatrice, I really like your article, you bring up really good points here. Being married shouldn’t always have to feel like
    such hard work. I divorced someone for all the reasons I married
    them, it just became too hard to keep up. The fun and excitement when younger seems so appealing but after children things have to
    change and we have to change with them. Maybe like said above, another article.
    This was a really great article full of important information.

  5. C A Johnson Says:

    I enjoyed reading your article. You brought up very good points.

  6. Loretta Johnson Says:

    Great job on your article. I am married and I still find the tips helpful. LOL! Now you gave me something to look out for with my husband. LOL!

  7. Bella Says:

    Currently dating a guy i met online…been dating for about a month and a half.. just discovered that after saying he was only dating me and only me.. was seeing someone else and has been seriously seeing her for about the same time “dirt bag” discovered her on his myspace after i went to post a comment on his page on a night he said he was going to bed early because he was tired… discovered he was going out with her.. she posted.. “‘hunny i can’t wait to seee u tonight” we are going to cause so much trouble”…

  8. Athlyn Green Says:

    How true. The “exciting” men may be okay over the short term (just as a roller coaster ride is great occasionally) but they don’t usually have shelf life.

  9. Open Eyes Says:

    OMG ! this article opened my eyes so much !!!
    right after reading it my sadness went away because I felt guilty for planning to break up with my bf.
    he ALWAYS works overtime an he comes to see me “right after work” late at nite. Lately he is been to my house only twice in the week and only stays for 3 hours. many of these points apply to his behavior # 1, 2, 4 and 8
    although he loves to introduce me to all his friendships and always kisses me and holds my hand in public.
    But lately he doesn’t even stay on the phone with me and is too busy all the time or doesnt have gas to come see me. I was falling hard 4 him but I’m starting to think about what I want in the future for ahusband. And he’s is defenitely not it.

  10. kiki Says:

    I totally agree with this article. I always wanted to feeble man get on their feet. Only to find out, he was not appreciated for what I did for him!!!! Do not date a jobless guy. Eventually you are going to have to pay for gas. They see you have your own car, your own place, they are going to expect to crash or move in to support them!!! Sorry for the cell phone thing, that’s my personal phone. I don’t believe a man or a woman needs to share or explain to themselves a a friend of the opposite sex calls. If he does not pay for my bill, then forget about that!

  11. so true and thanks! Says:

    EXACTLY the points i needed to hear! i was liking this guy for a month… first thing NUMBER ONE! he will not be working after today and has NO MONEY!, NEXT thing… he is a coke head! I am a recovering alcoholic and he said he went to an NA meeting and wanted to come to one of my AA meetings… cool i’m there to help if YOU ARE WILLING to accept what you need to do and quit… i have no idea if he is going to quit or if he used while i talked and saw him.. .NEXT…. he is living with an ex girlfriend in a one room apt. and says he is NOT sleeping with her! COME ON! 34 year old men living with 25 year old women though hanging with me but go home and say like another person said they are going to sleep and then show up online at midnight and then sign off the minute you see them…. ARE SLEEPING with someone else! There is NO SUCH THING as cokeheads NOT being addicts… they are…. men with exes around and/or ONLY pick up (their phone) when around certain people are hiding things… and NO MONEY well…. they should not EVEN be considering dating career women…. the truth unfolds itself in time…. it’s easier to remove yourself when your spider senses go off… and believe me… we have them for a reason … they are your instinct buttons….don’t deny them they are going to cause that stomach to flip as long as things feel off…. THANKS for the article!! jenn

  12. lyn Says:

    The other woman was his mother…

  13. Blondie Says:

    Don’t some men just put up a front to protect themselves as well, though?

  14. SHEILA Says:

    I’M DATING THIS MAN FOR 4YEARS HE COMES OVER TWICE A WEEK.TAKES ME ON LOVELY VACATIONS,VERY HELPFUL,THOUGHTFUL,HANDSOME,BUT WE HAVE NOT HAD SEX FOR A WHOLE YEAR,..HE NEVER MISSES A DATE,LOVES MY GRAND-KIDS ALWAYS HELPS WITH BIRTHDAY PARTIES FOR THEM ,ALWAYS BUYS XMAS GIFTS FOR THE FAMILY,WE TALK THROUGHT-OUT THE DAY AND EVERY NIGHT. HE PLANS ALL TRIPS,HOTELS,WE EAT AT 5-STAR RESTURANTS,AND HOTELS,HE LOVES TO CUDDLE.WE HAD A GOOD SEX LIFE UNTIL I METIONED COMMITTMENTHE WAS MARRIED BEFORE AND STILL CARRIES SCARS FROM IT.SHE WAS HIS ONLY LOVE.FROM GRADE SCHOOL UNTIL MARRIAGE.HES A PILOT HE’S WHITE,I’M BLACK…I’M ABOUT TO WALK ,AND HE KNOWSIT,BUT HE KNOWS I WANT TO GO TO PARIS,AND GUESS WHAT WE LEAVE 10/07/09…EVERYTIME I WANT OUT HE DOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS..I’M A WIDOW..AND MY FRIENDS THINK I SHOULD BE SO GRATEFUL…

  15. frances Says:

    Number one, totally AGREE!

    The guy I just dumped has a job, but he always wants me to pay and I am totally not into being his sugar sis.

  16. Louise123 Says:

    I dated Mr. Wrong for FOUR YEARS.
    Bought the b.s. – the excuses – the this/that/other thing and had become his doormat. NEVER had any money to take ME out ( NOT ONCE in 4 mos….. Not even a hot dog – No movie. Nothing)….. and YET he had plenty for HIM and his toys. He expected me to help pay HIS bills and wanted me to marry him so he could get access to my retirement fund. The most SELFISH man I ever met but the BEST liar I ever knew.
    Ladies, do NOT ignore the red flags!!!! Pay attention to what is in front of your face. If he has no time for YOU? He\’s spending it with SOMEONE ELSE. Lose him!!!!!!!!!!!!

  17. Colleen House Says:

    Thanks! you helped me make a decision, have been miserable. The easy way he lies is NOT funny and the prono isn’t either. Just had to see it in print and I thank you for writing it down for me!!


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