10 Reasons Why Women Stay in Unhealthy Relationships

May 24, 2008 by Nicholl McGuire  
Published in Dating

Before you counsel a woman who is in a bad relationship, consider why she stays. Article provides insight that may help you talk to her.

He has given her every reason not to love him. He has provided every sign both spoken and unspoken that his head is not in the relationship, yet she stays. People around her want to know why? Why bother to stay with a man who just isn’t in love with her? She stays for any or all of the following ten reasons. If you would like to know how you can convince her to leave that won’t be easy, because she will have to make up in her own mind when she is ready to leave.

  1. She isn’t up for the challenge of starting her life over. Emotionally and physically you have to be ready to leave a relationship and be on your own for some time. Not everyone can face that reality positively, for some women they see being alone as being a failure. “Why can’t I keep a man? I am so lonely!” They simply don’t know how to be positive about a future without a man. If she has some dream, hobby, talent or some other activity that she would truly like to pursue, that would be a significant motivating factor for her to leave her unhealthy relationship.
  2. She can’t handle the fact that another woman might take her place and get materially what she feels is rightfully hers. A woman who has been in a relationship that has lasted for years may not easily let go of her man when she knows that another woman is waiting on him and everything she may have helped him achieve. Businesses, property, cars, retirement funds and more are huge investments in one’s life and a woman who loves material wealth won’t walk away from these things easily.
  3. She doesn’t want to leave her children with him and allow someone else to raise them. Children can’t be left behind so easily either, so many women will put up with hell and high water to be with their children. The thought of another woman raising their children is absolutely insane for some women and the man knows this so he will continue to treat her anyway he feels (on occasion good, bad or otherwise) since she has no plans to leave.
  4. The timing to leave isn’t right. She may have just recovered from a pregnancy, grieved the death of someone close to her, or some other serious matter has come into her life. Now is not the time for her mentally to handle a break up, a move, possibly a new job, and other life issues. .
  5. The money isn’t right. No one wants to jump from a small fire into a wildfire, so if she doesn’t have the money to live, she isn’t going anywhere. Some women may not have enough education to even begin to find a job and a place to stay. These women need help, so that they can have enough money to leave their problematic relationship. Sometimes they may not know where to get help, or unfortunate circumstances can keep them from getting help (such as living in a rural area without a car, being turned down for welfare, and having no credit.)
  6. She stays out of spite. He said mean things to her and she said mean things to him. He asked her to leave and she refuses. Knowing he doesn’t love her and will continue to mistreat her, she stays anyway, because if she can’t be happy, why should he?
  7. She hopes that things will get better. Her wishful thinking has kept her bound in the bad relationship. She feels if she could just offer some suggestions, take a class, see a therapist, go to church together, or some other positive action that everything will be okay even though none of her ideas has worked in the past.
  8. She is convinced by others that she should stay. Optimistic people around her have ignored every negative thing she has said about the relationship and tell her to “keep praying, stay strong, everything will be alright.” So she believes their words of encouragement, in spite of using her own common sense, “He doesn’t love me and I should go.”
  9. She doesn’t want to work. Let’s face it, some women admit they are lazy, lack self-esteem, fearful, or have a serious health ailment that keeps them from working. “As long as he is willing to pay for everything, why should I work?” So they take whatever abuses come their way: controlling behavior, manipulation, humiliation, lies, threats, violence, etc.
  10. She fears what might happen if she leaves. There are those women who are in relationships that they know that if he finds out she is planning to leave him, he will try to kill her and everyone around her who is trying to help. Her fears are legitimate and are never to be taken lightly.

All of the reasons described above may apply to many women. These women don’t have the mindset to want to change their circumstances, at least not yet. For anyone to change a negative situation in their life into a positive one, they have to be willing to fight when it’s time to fight (this statement doesn’t mean put up your fists, although some women unfortunately have to defend themselves.) To fight is to stand up for whatever it is she A woman who is unwilling to fight for what she knows is right for herself and family will stay where she feels comfortable. She will tell herself and others that her situation isn’t that bad, he is a good man, he loves her and she loves him, etc. However, you can hear her pain through her voice, see the sadness in her eyes and realize that the life she thought at one time would be a good one has become nothing more than a fairytale.

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2 Responses to “10 Reasons Why Women Stay in Unhealthy Relationships”
  1. amelrida Says:

    very interesting information…sometimes, social status is also the reason…both parties don’t like scandal or bad family reputation so even when love doesn’t exist anymore, couples don’t want to end the relationship.

  2. mfundo Says:

    very informative….. the worse part is that it is not only the woman that is affected but also those around her & its very hard to sit and watch your mother being abused & her rejecting any sound advice from anyone.

    You know wats worse about her she has much money than he does, she is just weak & very much concerned about her status.

    thats why I dont want kids, when I think of the things that I could possibly subject them to, it makes me feel more evil than the devil himself.


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