10 Professional Tips for Men with Online Dating
Social commentator and comedian, James England, tackles the professional tips when traversing the muddy waters of online dating.
After the death of the lurid singles bars harkening back from the prohibition era, the internet took kindly to the burgeoning world of online dating. Sites such as Match.com, OkCupid, Plentyofish, Adult Friend Finder, all came into being promising love, sex, and a satisfying array of potential partners to peruse through.
Because this world of online dating has stepped into the vacuum left from the overly successful and expensive “Dating Agencies” whom would promise much the same as can be promised in any potential relationship, it has also assumed a just as vacuous system for comparing potential sex partners.
Here are 10 Tips for Men
1.) Don’t mention your previous restraining orders.
No one needs to know how your previous dates have gone. If they need to know, they probably know you already.
2.) “Lady killer” does not have the same connotation online.
You read Ted Bundy, she reads Frank Sinatra.
3.) Use childrens television for pick-up line material.
“I live in a pineapple under the sea” is so much better than “I live in a basement under my mother”.
4.) Frequent travel outside of the country gives the wrong impression.
Instead, try “an insatiable love of visiting foreign and exotic cultures.”
5.) “An insatiable love of visiting foreign and exotic cultures”
While you may read this as a connotation to your love of Thailand’s booming sex trade, she will know you’re serious about spending ludicrous amounts of foreign currency on her happiness.
6.) Your car may be cool, but your idolization of professional sporting athletes is much more significant.
Make sure to leave enough room to talk about both on your dating profile. Chicks dig this. A LOT.
7.) If you have three kids, make sure to highlight you also dislike children.
This will let her know you’re not into having any more and definitely cements the sentiments you will feel for her children.
8.) No luck with the opposite sex? Try your own!
You will always be surprised with the results.
9.) Criminal background.
Bank robbing? Cool. Assault and battery? Ice cold.
10.) Drawing references from prior relationships.
“Sensitive, soft-spoken and impotent,” really drives your compatibility scores through the roof. Women aren’t like you, they like to read the reviews before making an impulse buy.
11.) This one is a freebie: First dates
For a first date, take her to your parents house and try to make out with her in front of your parents. Afterwards, see if she is down to try her parents house next time. Not only is it a free meal but it lets your parents know you are probably not gay. It also lets them know you’ve stopped drugging your girlfriends.