Are You Overcompensating for Your Insecurities?

May 22, 2010 by sadaf26  
Published in Relationships

Are you insecure and overcompensating for them? Relationship advice.

We all have insecurities, and it’s only normal to try to hide them. Acting as if we know more than someone else creates the temporary illusion that we are stronger, smarter, somehow better. For better or worse, sometimes people actually do believe in our front, and so we hit on an effective ego defense, which we use again and again.

Unfortunately, while we are distracting others from seeing who we really are, we are also keeping them at a distance. It is impossible for anyone to forge a truly intimate relationship with someone who keeps hiding behind the façade of self-righteousness.

Thinking we are always right is a hard habit to break because parents, teachers, and other authority figures encouraged and rewarded us for perfecting it. Continually measured against our classmates or siblings, we quickly learned to earn favor by showing up the competition.

We each possess a range of skills and different kinds of intelligence, but these often remain underdeveloped and underappreciated at the expense of our learning to be intellectually or morally right. The rewards for equally important qualities – such as tolerance, maturity, sound judgment, flexibility, and fairness – are not as obvious or as readily available as those for being right – the gold star, the promotion, or winning the fight.

Just remember, you can’t behave like a parent toward your mate without treating him like a child, and this is a surefire way to kill love and passion

Just because your mate shrugs and claims he doesn’t care which picture hangs where, what color scheme you choose, or what you have for dinner that night, if you habitually make a point of getting your way, he will resent you. If you find yourself constantly feeling you must win on minor matters like these, chances are that you are continually vying for more control of the relationship.

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