Self Defense – the Story of Every Woman

I feel that women are afraid to talk about rape; afraid to confront it. Afraid to overcome it. Rape is a four letter word. Like other four letter words, it only has the power you’ve allowed it to have. The word Rape doesn’t possess power on its own. There are many different kinds or Rape that you may not have considered or maybe you have shut your eyes to.

Rape by definition is: a violent destructive treatment; the forcing of a sexual act.

However it is not as black and white as it seems. Open your eyes.

Rape is about power and being in control. It doesn’t typically have anything to do with sex at all, this I know. If you step back and take another look, you will see that every woman, every single women has been raped in one form or another.

The Career Woman: Did he not rape you when he stole your ideas and implemented them as his own? What right did he have? Maybe he felt it would be ok because a woman wouldn’t be able to come up with such brilliant ideas to save the company, they had to come from a man. We already know that women still don’t make as much money as men, even though times have changed, they have still stayed the same. Don’t you dare stand up for yourself! Don’t you dare explain to anyone where these ideas came from; a team effort it’s called. You will be preceded as being petty and childish. You don’t want to make waves in the pond. So you sit back and you take it. He has raped you of your voice, the respect you once had from the bigger fish is gone. You let him control you.

The wife: Did he not rape you when he cheated and lied to you? He raped you of your ability to trust and quite possibly you ability to love; at least in in the way you had become accustomed to. Now you are cautious, perhaps cynical, and overly jealous. Not to mention suspicious. No relationship will ever be the same. What if you stay? What if he wants you to forgive him? Can you? Can you forgive such betrayal? If by some chance you can, do you feel that you could ever go back to way things were before this happened? The heart never forgets. Rape is powerful. Unforgettable, unreasonable and undeniable.

The Girlfriend: There may be only one or two categories you fall into; this is the one that every woman can and will relate to. You meet him, and you feel in your heart that he is the one. At last someone who understands you, he just gets you. He says all the right things, and suddenly everything that you have gone through up to this moment was worth it, all the hurt and all the pain. A few years go by and things start to change. You have spent many nights talking in bed with him. You talked about the names for your children and how you would be together forever. Then you start to notice some subtle changes, he’s not calling you like he use to. You go days without seeing him; he’s working late and to tired to do things with you. You’re wondering if he is ever going to ask you to marry him. Of course you give him the benefit of the doubt and why not, you’ve never had reason to believe otherwise. Panic sets in and your mind wonders a million places. You hear rumors that he is spending time with another woman. Don’t dare ask him about it, you don’t want to seem insecure. You get the call; we need to talk, not on the phone. It’s not you it’s me. I’m not ready. He breaks your heart! Now this isn’t the harshest form of betrayal because you feel that he is being honest with you. So you agree not to fight for him, no one likes to fight a losing battle. Heart broken and mostly devastated you decide to go out with some friends and you run into him and the woman he has been seeing behind your back, Or right under your nose. You weren’t paying attention. You should have seen some kind of sign. This is the classic theory of what you don’t know won’t hurt you, possibly. The hardest part about this kind of betrayal is indecision. He tells you when he is with you he wants you, and when he’s with her he wants her. To categorize this as rape, I won’t. This is the inability for men to settle down and make hard decisions. All he had to do was be honest and let you know that he was torn. It happens; don’t be too hard on him for this. You love who you love and there is nothing that anyone can do about it. It is possible to be in love with two people. It is the hardest to deal with. So to end this; he has taken part of your pride and part of your self esteem. What does she have that I don’t? What can she do that I can’t? In this situation the best thing for you is to walk away. Then he has raped you of nothing. You can leave hurt but in tack.

The sixteen year-old girl; did he not rape you? He was 22, older tall and beautiful. He told you how beautiful you were and how much he cared. It would be special, your first time, he would be with you forever. Oh how he loved you. Once you’re a woman you’ll understand real love. Does any of this sound familiar yet? This is what he said to you right? So you give in, you think your in love and you are now ready to deal with the responsibility of being sexually mature, are you? I think that it’s a fantasy, a fantasy that he has laid out for you in order to reach the ultimate goal; your innocence. And at what price? How long do you think he will be around after he has taken it from you? A 22 year old man has no business; I mean no business spending any time with a 16 year old girl. Once you have become that woman that you so desperately to be, he is on to the next love of his life. Sad I know, now he has something so special to you and it’s something you can never get back. What you can do is move on and pray that he never comes back and rapes you of your dignity as well.

This is where it gets hard to deal with. Date rape; I think that this is one of the worst betrayals. You go on a date, you know this person. You may think that this could be love, for once you waited and you took the time to get to know him. He is not a one night stand, you didn’t just meet him. Your expectations are high. Where is the logic in this scenario, you have done right by yourself, for once you decided to have standards. After hours on the phone you felt that you knew him well, you felt the time was right to spend some time with him. You have followed your instincts to the T. Cut to the chase, he wined you and dined you everything was fine. So you go back to his house, talked like you had never talked to anyone, he just gets you; and you can’t not believe it. Out of no where, you look in his eyes and they seem to change, turn dark and instinctively fear sets in. You Don’t really fight him, you don’t scream. What is he doing? You have sex, but you feel forced and uncomfortable. You didn’t have a choice, or did you? Did he rape you? If you ever feel like you want to stop, even in the middle, even if you started it, and if he doesn’t stop it is still rape. Sex is something that is genuine and should be shared with two people that care about each other. Anything else isn’t worth it in the long run.

I’ve felt lucky to have known the men who raped me; I feel that other women may feel the same as well. I cannot imagine how a woman could get over being raped and beaten by someone that they didn’t know. I feel that if you can survive that you are a true survivor. I feel that they were raped of their ability to feel safe. This is by far the worst type of rape. The most painful.

I think that in today’s society it is important to recognize red flags when it comes to people in general. I feel that we do not pay attention to the important things. We do not take the time to get to know each other anymore; we meet have sex and then try to build a relationship from this. If we are smart enough as women; we will be prepared for any given situation and always look before we leap. Learn self defense, not only from outside predators, from ourselves and our ability to let people hurt us; rape us; degrade and try to define us. Learn Self defense.