How Did the Hair Get There?
Humorous fun about hair that appears on places on the body it’s not supposed to go!
It would be so much easier if I didn’t have any hair. Life would be so less complicated. The hair on my head is thinning out, disappearing down the drain with each passing year. I have curly hair, what friends with straight hair wish for, what I want is straight hair. My hair goes through what I call the “pubic hair” phase as summer approaches. Just as my hair starts to look like shit, the salon calls to confirm my 5 week appointment. I swear they sit behind the counter there saying, “Let’s see, Kelly Melang has an appointment coming up. Hit the Melang button so her hair looks like shit and she won’t cancel the appointment. There, now call to confirm.”
I believe my hair is traveling to different places on my body. It leaves my head and starts traveling downward until some of it finds my chin. I call these my “Billy goat” hairs, they are not soft and light, they are black and thick and if too much time goes by they grow long enough to curl on my chinny chin chin. When I found my first one, I ran and grabbed a tweezers and pulled it out thinking it was some type of aberration, not going to happen again. Then the next time I take good look at my chin, there are two there, how did they procreate?
“Mom? Is that a splinter under your chin?”
“What?” My hand searches as I look in the car mirror. Oh! There it is, “Why yes it is, let me get my tweezers.”
Hey, I’m not going to tell him that his Mom is rapidly turning into the bearded lady, let him think it’s a splinter. I keep a pair of tweezers in my purse, another pair in my car, several all around the house. This keeps me from obsessing when I find a hair and spending the rest of my day trying to pull it out with my fingernails, pulling until either it comes out or my finger nails hurt so much I have to go find the tweezers. My husband once asked what I was doing as I sat in the car, a serious look on my face, almost grabbing that hair then realizing I’d missed! There is pure joy though, when you actually pull the hair out with just your fingers.