Greatest Fashion Atrocities Through the Ages

Here are what can surely be considered some of the biggest fashion atrocities that have been observed through the centuries. Thankfully, we will never have to endure these hardships.

Hair Removal By Radiation

Recently invented x-ray machines were considered necessities in the best North American beauty parlors during the 1920’s. They were used to remove facial and body hair. Other treatments available included radioactive face creams to lighten the skin and radioactive toothpaste for whiter teeth and better digestion. After the treatment, the customer could also snack on a radium laced chocolate bar. As recently as 1953, a company in Denver advertised a radium based contraceptive jelly.

Soliman’s Water

This was a sixteenth century product that, when applied to the face, was guaranteed to fade away spots and freckles and eliminate warts. Unfortunately, it would burn your face as if you took a blowtorch to it because the main ingredient was mercury. Mercury will burn away the outer layers of skin and corrode the flesh underneath. Another side effect was that teeth would fall out even more quickly than usual for that time. I am not sure whether the odd spelling on the label was intentional or not.

The Prince Albert

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Apparently, the current body piercing craze is nothing new. Queen Victoria’s consort gave his name to a form of body piercing that was very popular among Victorian gentlemen. The fashion at the time was for gentlemen to wear very tight form fitting trousers. In order to maintain a smooth trouser line, Prince Albert supposedly wore a ring though his pierced private parts which was then strapped to his thigh.

Colored Teeth

It became all the rage during the sixteenth century in Italy. Italian ladies colored their teeth in a rainbow of colors. Usually they opted for red or green. Russian women, however, always dyed theirs black.

Flea Cravats

Flea cravats were designed to catch human fleas and were worn for about two hundred years by Renaissance ladies starting in the fourteenth century. The furry human flea collars were removed and shaken out to lessen the chance of fleas infesting the rest of the clothing.

Foot Binding

According to one of several versions of this story, the Chinese fetish for binding feet was designed (literally) to keep women in their places. Another theory is that Empress Taki was born with a clubfoot, so she bound her feet in order to conceal it. Her courtiers began binding their own feet in imitation and in sympathy. It didn’t take long for the tightly bound feet to become highly desirable in Chinese women, even though bound toes were in danger of becoming gangrenous. Chinese husbands encouraged the practice because it made it more difficult for their wives to run off. Although the origins have never been proven, ancient Chinese pornography indicated an infatuation with “lotus feet” which can explain why the practice endured for so long. Ideally, a woman’s feet were only 3 inches long and were referred to as “golden lotuses”. Feet that were three to four inches long were called “silver lotus” and the men who were attracted to them were called “lotus lovers”. Foot binding was finally officially abolished in 1949 by Chairman Mao.

False Eyebrows

False eyebrows became highly desirable among eighteenth century men and women. First they would shave off their natural eyebrows then use a fish glue to secure the false ones which were usually made of mouse skins. The eyebrows were usually shaped in a way that would make one look fashionably surprised.

Exposed Genitals

The best dressed gentlemen in medieval England exposed his naked genitals below a short fitting tunic. If the genitals didn’t hang low enough, he could wear padded flesh colored falsies called “braquettes.”

The Codpiece

In 1482, King Edward IV declared a law that forbade person below the rank of a lord to expose their private parts in public. As a result, a codpiece became an essential fashion accessory for Renaissance men. It was cut to fit snugly around their offensive parts, much like a finger in a glove.

See Through Togas

It was considered unfashionable in Rome during the reign of Nero not wear one of these diaphanous garments. They were so sheer that they left nothing to the imagination. Roman philosopher Seneca complained that “Our women have nothing left to reveal to their lover in the bedroom that they have not already shown on the street.”

Other articles by Bren Parks include:

• Artistic Eccentrics
• Strange Acts of Entertainment
• Shot in the Foot: Bad Military Decisions Throughout History