When Your Partner’s Mother Dies: What to Do?

April 2, 2011 by Nicholl McGuire  
Published in Motherhood

It’s bound to happen to any of us, the death of a parent. So what do you do when the day comes that someone you love loses his or her mother? Article explains.

Everything seemed to be going well in your relationship until your partner lost his or her mother.  Your mate may have been close to her while she lived, but then again maybe not.  You hate to see your loved one grieve.  You wish to take his or her pain away, but you know you can’t.  Your partner is hurting and there isn’t much you can do but listen to him or her talk about his mother and try not to add any more drama to your partner’s life.   But what if he or she is the one creating the drama due to his or her mother’s death?  There are some things you can do to keep your own sanity during your loved one’s time of loss.

Be your partner’s rock, but not his or her punching bag.

If you are a believer, you will need God for this one.  In the Bible, the Lord is referred to as a rock.  He provides shelter from the storms of life, a stable foundation, protection from harm and many other “rock solid” blessings.  So if you don’t have a faith, then you will be trying to be all of these things to your mate in your human strength.   Before long, you are worn out and irritable with everyone.  Meanwhile, your partner or spouse may take out his or her grief on you.  Your partner’s fears of the future may turn into verbal boxing gloves designed to mentally and physically break you down.  When this happens, for some women and men their efforts to help their mates through the grieving process will feel like “no good deed goes unpunished.”  Some will run for cover.  Help might be found in a support circle, a book or CD about grief, or independent counseling.  These are all good ways of trying to understand more about one’s loss and how to cope through the process.  But, others may find temporary relief in unhealthy ways such as: drinking, overeating, drugs, and cheating.

Avoid the temptation to worry.

Concerns about your mate’s whereabouts will come up especially if one minute your partner is crying in the bedroom and the next minute he or she is going out the door without telling you where he or she is going.  It’s very tempting to call your partner up while he or she is out and ask about all sorts of “what if” scenarios that have been dancing around in your head in his or her absence.  You might even think to call family and friends to keep up with your partner on a daily basis to calm your own fears, but don’t do it.  Allow your partner some breathing room.  This person knows where home is and you should avoid jumping to conclusions.  If you typically know where your partner goes when he or she wants to be alone and you know how long this person is usually gone, don’t allow worry to add further stress to your relationship.  Busy yourself.  Allow your significant to come home with some information about his or her outing.  Ask questions only if you know he or she is sober, gotten some rest and something to eat.  Try not to badger your mate and keep the conversation brief.

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