Wait and See

June 19, 2013 by Mom the Muse  
Published in Motherhood

"A mother who is really a mother is never free."
~ Honor De Balzac.

I am a mother.  I am not a perfect mother, and there are times when I would not even call myself a good mother, but I can say, that I have poured all that I am into raising my two girls.  At times, I feel like I have completely emptied myself, turning inside out almost, in the effort to impart to them the values that I hold dear; loyalty to God, modesty, sexual purity, honesty, submission to authority and obedience to the Bible, to name a few.  Some of these values, I can see have “stuck” with my girls, but at times, I think I see them seeping out and trickling away, in spite of my best efforts to plug the weak places.  It’s probably the most helpless and heart rending thing I know of when that happens, but it is a part of their growing up, and my growing.  I never thought when I first held that four and a half pounds of hair and temper that I would have to engage her in some of the most bitter arguments. One assumes when they are “doing it right,” that what they teach will be accepted and adhered to, but not so in matters of parenting. 
This has been one of the hardest trials of my faith, because so much of who I am, and basically all I have to show for my life, is the raising of my children.  I feel that if I have failed in any way in that regard, then I have failed across the spectrum of life. 
Fortunately, God does not see it that way, and it’s good to be reminded of that from time to time. “For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust” (Psalm 103:14).  Even with my best efforts, mistakes will be made, irretrievable things lost and hearts broken sometimes, but thankfully, God is still my eternal rock. “Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal” (Isaiah 26:4).  At the end of this thing, when, battered, bruised, tattered, but hopefully smiling, I cross the finish line, I will not be judged for whether my children followed what I taught them, but only what I taught them, and God knows I have tried with all that I am. 
Knowing that my spiritual enemy “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8), keeps me on the alert to pray for my children, and even when they don’t listen to keep speaking the truth to them.  As Isaiah 55:11 puts it, God’s word “that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”  I may not always see this principle at work, but there’s where faith becomes action.  Sometimes, the hardest part of parenting is just the game of “wait and see.”  None of us know how our children will turn out, and we cannot make their choices for them.  I am thankful for a God who loves my children even more than I do, though, and I know that he will still be pulling for them, long after I am gone.  For now, I “wait for the Lord” to “renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31).  I wait.

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