Top 10 Inventions Created by People Who Don’t Have Kids

May 6, 2009 by Kelly Melang  
Published in Motherhood

A bit of humor about the things my kids get into.

  1. Customer In Training Grocery Carts

    These little carts sure do look cute but take out about an inch of skin when they hit the unsuspecting ankle of the mother trying to keep them under control. They are not meant to go fast through the store and fall over when children take them as a easy clip around a corner. Usually left halfway through the shopping experience, the only thing they are good for is pictures to use in store advertisement.

  2. Bubble Gum

    This invention was either invented as a way to get children to cut their hair or invented by someone who didn’t have children. Anything that can become so entangled in hair until it takes creating a Mohawk to get it out was not meant for children. But names like Juicy Fruit and Bubbalicious are aimed directly at those little minds. Maybe there’s a subliminal voice in the gum that whispers, “Put me in your hair…put me in your hair…”

  3. Miniature Boxing Gloves

    Again another adult invention miniaturized for little children. As most fathers know, these gloves are usually given to children when their height is just right that the punch straight out connects with the father’s private parts. Maybe this was invented by a mother who didn’t want any more children, didn’t want to go under the knife and couldn’t talk the old hubby into outpatient surgery. Several blows later, she now doesn’t have to worry about getting pregnant.

  4. Any Small Version of Sports Equipment

    Small bat means beat your brother with it. Small helmet means run into your brother with it. Small golf club ditto on beating your brother or possibly chasing after the dog. Small skateboard means talk the little brother into riding it down the hill but conveniently forgetting to tell him how to stop. Small set of pads mean dress your brother us in the pads and see if they work….well you know what I mean.

  5. Any Type of Candy that Comes with an Odd Number in the Pack

    The word candy and even number should be synonymous. Ever had five packs of gum to share between two children? We tried to split the remaining pack but it has 5 pieces, so we split the last piece but it splits into five parts, so we go back into the kitchen for a martini. Now we have a ceremonial burning of the extra piece so there’s no fight involved. Solomon obviously didn’t create this…

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