Keep Going

May 7, 2013 by Mom the Muse  
Published in Motherhood

It’s hard to rebuild emotionally after any kind of loss, but especially when you don’t even want to.

Life is hard, and try as we might, we cannot avoid disappointments.  People change, circumstances change, and we can quickly find ourselves scrambling to make sense of it all, and far too often, there is no sense to be made.  Walking through times like this, we often expect that, with time, things will get easier. I am not convinced of that yet, but I do find that we do often become stronger during the struggle.  Those sorrows that just hang on and hang on cannot keep us from living.

Life after disappointment does go on, and we do learn to cope.  God has equipped us to be amazingly resilient if we choose to be.  However, making that choice can be difficult in itself.  Realizing that your investment in another person may never pay off, that years of your life seem wasted, makes you less than enthusiastic about letting anyone else come close enough to repeat the scenario.  But we have to keep going.

Rebuilding your life with new people in it can be so painful.  Everywhere, even from the least expected sources, are reminders of what used to be.  It is hard to let go, even when you know it is probably for the best.  I find that, as a person of faith, sometimes, it is even harder for me to give up on those I love because I know that God is able to change any heart. I keep hoping that the truth of this will “sink in,” and I pray.  The words of this “The Devil Wears Prada” song sums it up well:

I cannot force anyone to change, though, and I do not believe God expects me to put my life on hold for those who have turned down the wrong path.  I am never released from praying for them, though, nor do I want to be.  I honestly am terrible at letting go.  I tend to see people for who they could be instead of who they are, and I live in such hope for the best outcome.

So, I keep praying, trying to let go, trying to move forward, and always hoping.  Love isn’t love if it gives up.  Shakespeare said it this way:

Yes, things, circumstances and people change, but I keep loving, keep hoping and as a result, that often means that I keep hurting.  Thank goodness, God has made a promise, just for me. “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). So, even if this hopeless “fixer/nurturer” has a hard time letting go, moving forward and rebuilding, I know it can be done.  I’m just not ready quite yet.  Maybe tomorrow…

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