Just Another Morning in Paradise(another Funny But True Story)

November 2, 2011 by margiedunn  
Published in Motherhood

Just a peek at my daily life.

     Today started out like any other day in middle America.I woke up late my baby stole the phone which is also my alarm clock,so my mother-in-law woke me 15 minutes late .My daughter decides she wants oatmeal for breakfast,and the dogs need to go out ,and gee that coffee smells so good.So I stumble to the microwave ,grab a packet of instant oatmeal and pop it in,step outside the dogs automatically run to the far side of the yard to bark at my neighbor’s dogs(which the city council has told him are pinned way to close to his property line).I scream at the dogs(all 5 of them )to get their fuzzy little butts in the house ,then I correct myself all the small ones in the house and the big one(a 110lb Siberian husky that thinks he’s a chihuahua) outside.Then everyone hollers,What’s burning!!!! Oh,crap,I forgot to put water in the oatmeal!So at this point I’m ready to explode ,but, I swallow my rising ire and dump the burned crispy mess in the trash and start over this time adding the water,I grab a cup of coffee and sit down for a minute on the back porch giving my daughter ample time to get dressed and me to have a smoke and calm down. I go back in give her ,her pill (she is blessed with A.D.D.)and vitamins for the day.In all the commotion I hear another lovely sound,my dear sweet mom-in-law has lost another hairbrush so of course I must have used it and laid it down somewhere,(there are 6 people in this house yet I’m the only person who could have conceivably used something and not put it back(she laid it on the bed when she went to her room for socks hahahaha)That’s when the baby wakes up screaming,I grab him ,change him, and tuck him in bed with my father-in-law and soon he’s snoozing away again(lucky him).My mom-in-law instead of apologizing to me for the hairbrush,sets in on her usual rant.” The living room is a mess, toys everywhere,your kids p.j.s on the floor,and wet puppy pads(OK.her dog is usually the one who wets the pads,but I digress)in the hall,I’d be ashamed if someone walked into this mess”.I yell over the sound of the T.V.,that I’ll get to it in a few minutes.I fix my daughters hair,then tell her to get all her stuff ready to go.Well, she looks at me like I’ve grown 2 heads when I remind her to put on her glasses,and rolls her eyes when I say don’t forget your lunchbox.Then she tells me “Mom,I can’t find my shoe,and stupid me asks “Well ,where did you last have it ?”(and she looks me right in the eye and says on my foot)At this point the little person in my head is screaming,we both run around frantically looking for her shoe,and it’s nowhere to be found so I tell her to wear her brown pair she tells me with tears in her eyes”but ,Mom, I’ll get a demerit” I tell her no she won’t and if she does I’ll parade every kid in school with a violation of dress protocol in front of the dean(she goes to a strict Pentecostal private school because of her learning disabilities)so off she goes to school with my mother-in-law griping the whole way about her shoes.My father-in-law is a music minister and is trying to put together a song list for church,My son is using him for a road for his little trucks ,up one arm, over the neck, and down the other arm,my father-in-law is such a patient man(he’d have to be to be married to my mom-in-law for 42 years).Well,I grab the baby plop him in his high chair and put whats left of his sisters oatmeal in front of him(Yes ,I make them share, they both only eat about half anyway ,and why would I want to waste it or dirty another dish?)He looks at me and says”cookie” and like every other morning I say “NO”and here we have the dumbest argument ever only 2 words are used and I’m not really sure who won.My father-in-law leaves for work,then my loving husband calls from his work to tell me good morning,I inform him of whats gone on today and he asks me if I found her shoe,”not yet” badgers me about some stupid thing that happened long ago and far away,tells me he loves me and hangs up.I then remember one of our female dogs is in heat and I go and get the kennel out of the storage shed,clean it out,and put in some paper ,and chase down the dog only to find my son is now inside the kennel and I can’t get him to come out,so I lock the dog in the bathroom and try to coax the little bugger out with (you guessed it ) a cookie.(So we now know who won the argument)And all this before my 2nd cup of coffee and well before 9am,and I’m stressed out,freaked out,tired out and feeling like I’m losing my mind,but that’s just another morning in paradise ,we’ll see how the rest of the day goes but thats a whole other story.

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