How to Accept The Egg Donor Option and Even Be Happy About It
November 3, 2009 by Diana LaRose
Published in Motherhood
Many women facing infertility, particularly those over 40, can achieve their dream of pregnancy and motherhood only through using eggs provided by a donor. Although this can be a sad and disappointing option to face, it doesn’t have to be.
Some women who want to get pregnant, especially those over 40, receive the news that they didn’t want to hear: “Your egg quality is very poor; donor eggs are your only hope for a baby.” You’re shocked, saddened, confused, and even a little insulted. You had dreamed of a baby who was a perfect blend of you and your husband or partner, maybe with your big brown eyes, his curly hair, and your family’s musical talent. You’ll still do anything to get pregnant, but it wasn’t supposed to be this way. Fortunately, you can come to see egg donation not as a disappointing fallback but as a choice you feel truly good about.
You are giving your baby a truly precious gift: an excellent genetic makeup.
As loving and responsible parents, we want the best for our children, even if it requires that we give up something–make a sacrifice. In giving up your own genetics, you give your baby something better: a greatly decreased risk of chromosomal disorders such as Downs syndrome. And donated eggs provide other genetic advantages, too: the young women accepted as donors by donor egg agencies and IVF clinics have excellent genetic histories, better than that of the average person. Most likely, better than your own.
Your baby will be every bit as unique as if he or she were your genetic child.
Your little one won’t be a “designer baby” or a “test-tube baby”; he or she will be created out of the love between you and your husband or partner, regardless of genetics. And speaking of genetics, they’re notoriously unpredictable anyway. You probably know people who are very unlike one or both of their parents or look very different despite a genetic connection. Perhaps you know an artist whose parents can’t even draw stick figures, a shy friend with social-butterfly kids, a neighbor with a great tan whose daughter has to pile on the sunscreen. Regardless of whether your baby has a genetic connection with you or not, he or she will have a very special and individual set of characteristics that will yield plenty of surprises and joys as the years go on.
You’ll get excited over the wonderful young women available as egg donors.
Most women do not start looking at donor profiles until they are actually ready to start the preliminaries for an IVF procedure. If you are facing the egg donation option but feel sadness about it, try jumping the gun and learning about egg donors currently available. Look at donor profiles available at egg donor agencies that post profiles online (or online with a free user account), even if you don’t plan to use a particular agency or any agency at all. You’ll learn what types of information you are typically given about an egg donor and can start to decide what characteristics are the most important to you. Most likely, you will start warming to the choice when you see the wide selection of healthy, intelligent, and beautiful donors that you can choose from.
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March 30th, 2010 at 11:42 pm
I have a child through donor egg IVF. I can’t imagine not having her. I am so grateful. Over twenty years ago, I would not have had this option – I would have had to remain childless. I also have a biological link with my child, even though she doesn’t have my genetics. I would encourage anyone to consider donor egg, or donor embryo, to create their family.