How Not to be a Frustrated Stay-at-home Mom?

This is not about whether you love him or trust him. This is not about whether you can live without him.

This is about how you can live without him and why would you want to try it in the first place?

This is a question of understanding the reality and your position in this reality.

You’ve got a baby. Neither you or your parents are rich and your haven’t even got a job. You haven’t got a degree and you haven’t got any savings or a wealthy lover for emergency cases… This was a joke. But you dowant to lead a decent life, visit cosmetologists and beauty salons, buy designers clothes and so on.

No, I don’t suggest you to sell yourself into slavery or hopelessly suffer from a disgraceful husband for the rest of your life. Let’s make a rational, careful reckoning. Weighing and reflecting. Analyzing and concluding.

***

Who is this guy you’re living with?

He is, what you would call a ”normal” guy. Even more than normal. He cares about you, supports you financially, has sex with you, buys you food and presents – anything you ask for.

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Then, what’s your problem?

Don’t be irrational. See the reality and watch yourself in the span of time. Observe where you are in this very moment and where you could be. Don’t forget that life is long, and it can be much more painful than what it seems to be now.

You’ll have to hear this word: dependant. Yes, you are.

So what? It’s all temporary and things are not that bad after all. Two more years and your child is not a toddler anymore. Three more years and you’ve got a little schoolboy or a schoolgirl in the house. It’s not like you’re obviously suffering or being openly mistreated. Then what is it about this pernicious curiosity that brings you to places you shouldn’t be hanging around in the first place, like his mailbox?

***

He’s not cheating on you. With your hand on your heart, you’re quite sure he wouldn’t have, unless there was be a fierce activity from the other side. No, he’s not saint. Just too exhausted.

There can be thousands of other reasons for his loyalty, but they are minor. What matters is: he’s not cheating, period. He has sex with you, period. He gives you money, period. He takes care of the baby, period. He is open with you, he shares his worries and thoughts, he treats you like an equal.

So then again: what’s your problem?

Why, oh why do you keep sneaking into his mailbox? What, on earth, are you looking for? You want to be “in business”, don’t you? How come you became paranoid? Don’t you have a life? You want to know all the dirty little flirts, all the business flirts? Yes, flirting is a part of it. Yes, he’s going to do it. Yes, this is how things work. No, you can’t change it. No, you shouldn’t even talk about it. There is no reason to eat your heart, because this is just an innocent, business flirt, which was meant to be.

You’ll get a job in a few years and will get your day. Right now, you’ve got a child to raise. You’ve got a life to live.

There are just too many things time can be dedicated to. So why fuck around with his dirty little emails? You can have your dose of virtual flirts, just in case you’re seriously disturbed.

Still unconvinced? Let’s go way around.

HE wouldn’t have done it for sure. and you know it. HE wouldn’t have messed with your chat history, your emails, your connections. Because he’s got a life. He’s got a goal and he’s too fucking busy and tired.

Apparently you are not. It’s either that you’re a hopelessly bored, stay-at-home mom, or having too much time on your hands. Or both.

So, it’s about time to do something about it. It’s about time to slap and spank yourself every time you’ve got this urge to check him up. Cut the very first little sprouts of your ill desire to get close to his private space.

This is your job of the day. Controlling the desire to control. Being patient, soft and wise. This is a full time job, with no vacations, no days off and no coffee breaks. This is the hardest job in the world. Go for it, girl!