Get Your Baby to Sleep Through the Night

This is one of the hardest parts of parenting an infant. I know, I’ve been there. My baby was a truly terribly sleeper, so I spent all those long wakeful hours researching baby sleep, begging other mothers for advice, and trying every concievable trick and theory. 

There is no magic solution, but there are a lot of reasonable things you can try to help your baby learn to sleep better. Every baby is different, and not every tip will help every baby. You can pick what fits you and your baby, or experiment to see what works best in your situation. Good luck.

Babies thrive on routine.

Consistent bedtime. A baby’s body thrives on routine, and a baby’s body clock is relatively easy to set. Just this one step will help her sleep better at night (eventually). Once she gets used to it, her body will automatically get tired at the same time every evening. This makes it more likely that she will fall asleep easily at bedtime!

You don’t have to put her in her crib at exactly 7:13 p.m. every night – it’s ok to be flexible. E.g., whenever your baby gets fussy between 7:00 and 7:30, start bedtime. You can set the bedtime “window” whenever is convenient for your family, or whenever your baby usually gets fussy in the evening.

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Bedtime atmosphere. What if the baby cries when you put her down, and won’t fall asleep? How can you set her bedtime? No worries; it’s ok if it takes a long time, at first, to “put her to bed” successfully. You can’t force a baby to fall asleep just by telling her it’s time. But if you are patient, she will learn to fall asleep at bedtime. At the time you have chosen, institute a ”bedtime atmosphere,” and maintain it even if your baby won’t sleep and you have to keep picking her up. Stay in the baby’s room; keep the light turned off (a low nightlight is ok); do not talk or allow loud noises; do not play with the baby. Even if it takes a few hours the first few nights, the baby will eventually learn that bedtime is irreversable and is time for sleeping.

Maintain bedtime atmosphere throughout the night. Keep things dark, quiet, and detached during feedings, and put the baby right back to bed.

Bedtime routine. Develop an order of bedtime activities, and do the same activities in the same order every night. The baby will associate the routine with bedtime. If she knows what’s coming, it will upset her less. She will expect to be put in her crib; at worst, she will tolerate it better since it doesn’t come as a surprise, and at best, she will look forward to it. (My baby used to cry for hours at bedtime. Now, I put her in her crib fully awake, and she falls asleep with no crying. She only fusses if I continue to hold her when the routine is over, and she stops as soon as I put her in her crib!) Also, a good bedtime routine can help the baby relax.

The routine can consist of any combination of spoon feeding, bottle-/breast-feeding, bath, a song, a book or story, rocking and cuddling, lotion and massage, etc. Example: I feed my baby rice cereal, then give her a bath, then diaper and dress her while singing a lullaby, then bottle feed her while rocking, then read her a bedtime story, then put her in the crib.

When you are first instituting the routine, it can be helpful to make the feeding the last part of the routine, so that baby is sleepy and goes to bed more easily. Once her body clock is used to going to bed at that time, and she grasps the connection between the routine and going to sleep, then make a less sleepy (but still mellow) activity the last thing, so that baby is fully awake when you lay her down. This can help her learn to fall asleep on her own.

Be consistent. Whatever “method” or “trick” you use, give it a fair try. Babies are capable of learning, but they learn through repetition and routine. Some babies learn slower than others. This doesn’t mean they are less intelligent – in fact, intelligent babies are often more difficult. Learning style is just a difference in temperment. Be patient (one of the fundamental lessons in parenthood in general!). There’s nothing wrong with experimenting to see if an idea helps or not, but if you give up too soon, you will not be able to accurately judge its effectiveness. If you know your baby takes a while to get used to a routine or to something new, then give each trick or theory a sufficient “while” before you evaluate it. Otherwise you will just frustrate yourself and confuse your baby.

Let her learn to self-soothe.

If your baby depends on you to soothe her to sleep, then she will have difficulty sleeping for long periods of time, because when she gets into the light sleep part of her sleep cycle, she will wake up and need your help to go back to sleep. If she can soothe herself, then she can go right back to sleep with little interruption, eventually learning not to wake up at all during light sleep. 

Unfortunately this isn’t something you can “teach” your baby, so the best thing you can do is provide an atmosphere that allows her to learn it as easily as possible.

Don’t hold her while she sleeps. Put her down when she is sleepy. If she cries, you can pick her up, but put her down once she calms down. If she continues to cry every time, then you can put her down as soon as she is asleep enough; just don’t keep holding her while she’s asleep. And even if it doesn’t seem like it’s working, don’t give up on putting her down “sleepy but awake.” She’ll get it eventually, and even if she doesn’t learn that good habit very easily, it will prevent her from learning bad habits.

If you do hold her while she sleeps, then she will come to depend on it, and then she will have trouble sleeping in her crib. She needs to learn to sleep in her crib (on her back, of course). Another benefit: if you routinely put her down before she is totally asleep, then you skip the “put-her-down-super-carefully-and-sneak-away-or-else-she’ll-wake-and-scream” part of bedtime and naptime. Eventually, you will be able to just put her down when she is tired, and she will fall asleep while laying in bed.

This is considerably more work than just putting your baby down when she falls asleep, or holding her while she sleeps. But it is an investment, and the payoff is huge. Your baby will learn to fall asleep in bed and to sleep on her own. Bedtime and naptime will be easier and simpler, and you will have more time to yourself, than the mothers who are still trying to sneak away from their sleeping babies. Even if your baby is a slow learner, and you work hard for a few months to teach her this, it’s still less work overall than a sneaky-sleep lifestyle that lasts for one or two years.

Fuss it out. You don’t have to let her “cry it out” (although for some babies it can be helpful), but you also don’t need to rush in as soon as she makes noises. A good compromise is to let her fuss, but go pick her up if it turns into serious sobbing. Sometimes she might not even be really awake; other times she will fall back asleep if she is not disturbed.

If she keeps crying, try to comfort her without picking her up. This doesn’t work for all babies, but it can be a huge help while baby is learning to fall asleep in the crib. Hum, sing, hold your baby’s hand, pat her belly rhythmically, even lean over and put your arms hugging each side of her – whatever it takes; at least she is learning to fall asleep while lying flat on her back. (Don’t laugh, giggle, smile, talk, or make too much eye contact; your baby will think it is time to play, not time to sleep.) As she gets used to it, gradually eliminate or lessen these comfort measures.

Sucking. This is a primary way babies are soothed, and she can suck while she is alone and lying in her crib (i.e., learning to sleep without your help). It does, however, bring its own set of questions and problems. I.e., should you give her a pacifier, or help her learn to suck on her fingers or thumb? There are a lot of things to consider in that choice, but either one can help your baby sleep. Sucking is a natural instinct and is naturally soothing to an infant, so enlist its aid. It can help a baby learn to fall asleep in the first place, and it can be the self-soothing activity your baby uses to fall back asleep in the middle of the night.

A note of caution: A pacifier can be counterproductive; the baby might wake up when it falls out of her mouth and need you to put it back. It may, however, be worth it, to establish the habit of crib sleeping. Once baby is used to that, then you can work on eliminating the pacifier.

Other soothing techniques

(Not technically self-soothing, but they don’t require your presence)

Swaddling. Some babies are angered by swaddling, but most are soothed by it. Some babies get mad while you’re swaddling them, but still sleep better when they’re swaddled – so give it a fair chance. Swaddling helps in several ways; it makes the baby feel comfortable and safe, it helps the baby calm down because she can’t trash around, and it keeps the baby from waking herself up by her own movements.

Use a large blanket so that you can secure it effectively. Use a thin blanket so that baby does not overheat. Make sure that if baby does undo the swaddle, the blanket will fall to the sides or downward, and not over her head. (If she kicks her feet free but not her arms, the tight swaddle around her arms could inch up over her mouth. To prevent this, tie a knot at the bottom of the blanket rather than just tucking the bottom corner into the swaddle.)

White noise. You can buy a simple, portable white noise machine for relatively cheap. It serves a three-part purpose. White noise is soothing and helps baby sleep deeper. It blocks out other noises around the house, minimizing the chance that she will be startled awake. And baby gets used to the noise and associates it with sleep; it will help her fall asleep easier and feel more comfortable in bed. It especially helps when you are not at home and she has to fall asleep somewhere new; the noise is familiar and normal, and regularizes her surroundings.

One toy. The crib should be empty both for safety (so that baby doesn’t suffocate) and sleep (so that baby doesn’t think it’s time to play). But you can put one soft, cuddly toy in the crib with your baby – the same one each time – and your baby may grow accustomed to its presence and be comforted by it. It’s something your baby can turn to in your absence. (Make sure the toy is not a suffocation hazard; it should not have any loose, blanket-like parts that could block your baby’s mouth or impede her breathing.)

Mama’s scent. This can make your baby feel like you are there, or near, even if you are not holding her. Your scent is a primary way your baby recognizes you, and it is a strong association for her. She can feel safer and hence fall asleep easier. When she wakes in the middle of the night, she can feel like you are near and be less compelled to call for you.

You can put your scent on the crib sheet, her one bedtime toy, her pajamas, or her swaddle blanket or sleep sack. Whatever you choose, stuff it into your shirt (near or on your breasts) for a few hours, and then it will smell like you.

Proper temperature. Being too hot makes a baby sleep fitfully and wake often. Being too cold makes her uncomfortable and can make it harder for her to fall asleep. Both are unhealthy. Dress the baby in as many layers or types of layers as you wear to bed. (If a blanket is needed, swaddle her safely or use a “wearable” blanket such as a sleep sack.)

A full tummy. Make sure baby eats enough during the day, and make sure she gets a full meal right before bedtime. A satiated baby will fall asleep easier and will sleep peacefully. A half-full baby will wake frequently to snack. A hungry baby won’t sleep at all.

Remember that learning is a process, parenting requires patience, and every baby is different.

Also, remember that she will be sleeping through the night eventually. At the very least, she will sleep when she is a teenager, and you want her to get up and be productive.

If you have any questions about these or about specific situations, ask in a comment and I will post answers in another article.