Are Black Stay-at-home Moms So Taboo?

When it’s just mom and the five kids in tow, we receive stares. Not only from non-blacks, but African Americans as well. Gawkers whisper or at times, ask prying questions such as, “Are those all your children?” and make statements like, “You must have your hands full!” Yes and yes is always my response. Depending on the mood I’m in, I might reply with a, “Yes, but my husband helps out too!”

They seem surprised to hear that a young black mother of five has a spouse. The sheer fact that society sees us as an oddity makes us cling closer to one another. We are to be a part of a new set of statistics, out with the old set of numbers of fatherly abandonments and single welfare mothers. We are a non-traditional black family in society’s eyes. The tradition of dead-beat dads and overworked and underpaid, struggling mommies, had been the norm since the ’60s. Perhaps it’s because we are a result of the late seventies or because we’ve seen broken homes first hand. Nonetheless, we are different. We are a unit.

My husband works seven days a week. He has two jobs. He is attending an online university. Amazed? That’s alright; you couldn’t have known that I am married to a black man that is by all standards, phenomenal. Not wanting to have someone else raise our children in daycare was one of the major influencing factors of the decision for me to remain at home. Day care costs for three children under the age of five would be expensive for just about anyone, not just a black family. Therefore, the decision was an easy one to make.

I am responsible for our little ones, to see them off to school, help with homework, nurture and care for them as a mother should. Fulfilling my dreams includes these duties. After completing my most recent degree program online, I finally found legitimate work I could perform strictly from home. These things may not seem exceptional for non-African Americans, but when performed by African Americans, people seem undone.

My children are intelligent. I say this, not to be biased, although I admit I am. It is just a fact and most certainly a blessing. The two oldest are straight A students. My daughter attends an academically challenging middle school and is in the mentally gifted program. Our son will soon follow. Our three younger children seem to be developmentally promising as well, and we are proud. But, when we pass strangers on the street, that’s not what they are thinking.