A Single Mothers Words

June 17, 2013 by bridgette72076  
Published in Motherhood

Just a note about the hardships of being a single mom with no support.

You wonder how can you make it one more day.  A single mother with no support, monetarily or emotionally, has to trudge through each day trying to figure out how to make it.  The burden of life should not be so heavy for anyone.  Each day feels like your last because it seems as if you have one foot in the grave and the other on a bananna peel. 

It would only take one thing to fall out of place and the whole structure of your life would fall apart.  The rent is too much, the bills are too high and the stress relievers are not there.  Each day, you are the breadwinner, the emotional support, the financial support and the only parent for 4 children.  3 you gave birth to, and one that you could not turn away.  The load is heavy, and sometimes I feel as if I will drop it.  What would happen to them if I fell?  They would all be on their own and thats not fair, so the burden I carry. 

Sometimes I feel as if I will fall into a depression that I can’t get out of, but the love of those kids pull me out every time.  I pray for strength, I pray for a break and I pray for patience to work the 12 hour days, 7 days a week.  No matter what happens, I move forward.  I have no idea what forward will bring.  More struggles?  A break?  More struggles is what I expect.

A dad?  I had two.  One that is biological and never had much interest in me because I was a girl, and another who raised me from the time I was 3 until my mother passed away when I was 23.  The minute she passed away, I went from being his daughter to being his dead wife’s daughter.  2 fathers lost.  1 mother taken by cancer.  Family so scattered that none were close.  None were interested in where I went or how far I would fall.  My fall has been far and my wounds deep, but each day, I lick them and move forward.

A mom? I had one.  She was a young mother, and not very emotional.  It is my belief that when she married my step father, her wishes were to get us grown and start a family with him.  But, luekemia took her life just as we were all grown and out of the house giving her and my step father and their daughter a chance at a real life.  She was truly the only person on the planet that I thought had any love or concern for me, and now she is gone.  I was 23 with 2 children.

A husband? I had one.  He beat me until I could take no more.  He broke my nose 5 times, split my lip more times to count.  Choked me while telling me that he would rather see my dead body than to have to look at me one more day.  I had no where to go, and instead of allowing my daughter to see me sneak out in the middle of the night and run, I chose to fight back.  My fighting skills grew each time we fought, and in the end, I was the winner. 

Children?  I have 4.  Two boys on the verge of being men, both responsible, respectable and full of love for me.  They are both awesome young men.  One daughter, early in her teens that is strong, smart and will never fall for anyone trying to take advantage of her.  She has big dreams and lots of love for her mom! A younger son, 10, who is curious, smart and loves to be outdoors.  He also loves his mom, and would do anything for me. 

Its the children in my life that give me the strength to move forward, no matter what forward brings, I know they will be there to wipe my tears or give me congratulations or to just give me a hug.  Its the children that quiet the voices in my head that tell me I am nothing.  I don’t credit myself for them, I credit them for the mother that I am.

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