When Your Husband Cheats on You

I can clearly remember the day I found out my husband was cheating on me. I mean, I suspected for a long time as I imagine many women do. But I never really wanted to believe it was true. I thought, “No way! I’m just being crazy! I’m seeing things that make me feel like he’s cheating because I’m insecure!” Never mind the thousands of times he explained to me ever so politely how insane I was acting. “You are one crazy woman! Can’t you ever believe anything I tell you!” Hell NO! Should have been my answer but like many other wives in denial I accepted his explanations of why he was having to work late and he was too tired to have sex with because he had a very long tiring day! Yeah, sure, screwing your assistant! 

Well, it finally came to a head when (we will call her Sherry) Sherry called his Blackberry and left the fateful message that gave me the evidence I needed. I picture of her boobs sent to my husband telling him how excited she was to be able to get away with him this weekends business convention held in Las Vegas. Well, there  you have it! I no longer needed to worry about IF it was happening. No, now I knew. Now I felt as if I wanted to run down the street screaming ” I knew it! I freaking knew it! I AM NOT CRAZY!”

Fast forward a few days and now the depression settles in. The realization that I have four children from a horrible, terrible, no good, very bad man! I tried very hard to put on my happy face for my children but inside I wanted nothing more than to crawl into the safety of my bed and stay there for the next six months. But as every mommy knows, that is just not an option. So, I had my mother come stay with us for a few days so she could care for the kids while I went away for the weekend and had my meltdown by myself. Nothing fancy, just me, the bed and a little booze! When I returned, I had decided on seeing if my husband had any interest in “working things out”.

“Yes”, he said. Okay then, I guess that means we need a damn good marriage counselor. A few days later we were in counseling and working on some very difficult issues. Issues dating back to the early years in our 15 year marriage. Why had he never brought up any of this before? Not once had he mentioned that I was too controlling. Not once had he mentioned that he actually never really wanted kids. Never before had he even hinted that I was no good in bed. Oh, I could hardly even believe my ears when he blurted out that this was not the first affair he has had!

Well, needless to say, we needed a whole lot of counseling. But more importantly, I started to work on me, something I had not dared to do in a very long time. I took some classes at the local community college. I started running again, a passion of mine a gave up for lack of time while caring for 4 children.  I bought lots of new clothes. Spent lots of time and money in Sephora. I discovered my breasts again in some sassy lingerie at Agent Provocateur! I went out for dinner and drinks with my girlfriends that I haven’t spent time with in ages. Look, these are things I should have been doing all along. Somewhere along the way of marriage and giving birth to and raising 4 children, I let go of what made me feel good and that can be a very unattractive thing to a man apparently.

So listen up ladies and you know who you are! Get back into what makes you feel alive. Get your hair done, your bikini waxed. Go take a class and learn a new skill. Buy some new sexy time clothes. Get outside without the kids and get some fresh air and exercise that body, every single day. Take care of yourself! Focus on you AND the kids. This can be done, trust me! You may have to get creative and hire a babysitter. You may have to elicit the help of family. You may even need to join a gym so that you can put the kids in the gym daycare while you care for yourself. But I promise you, if you do these things and go to counseling you are well on your way to getting back your mojo!