When The Mistress is Pregnant But You are Still Trying

June 19, 2010 by Jimmy Shilaho  
Published in Marriage

Pregnancy is an out of this world event that we may not have much control over. Matters are however complicated when the legal wife tries in vain to get a child but the mistress conceives!

You may call her a mistress, the other woman, a witch or whatever monstrous name that may spring to mind but her pregnancy will surely complicate life for you especially if you are still trying to have a child of your own. The idea of the other woman being pregnant before you is agonizing to say the least. Children are known to complicate relationships. Your hubby might have wanted some breathing space, dated your friend, hit the bed sheets after a bottle or two and now that woman is pregnant. To make matters worse, you may have forgiven him but now an innocent child is involved.

What can you do in such circumstances? Most women fear going ballistic because they want to protect their otherwise perfect marriage from prying eyes and nosy neighbors and will therefore suffer in silence. Some will go after the other woman and try to wrench the growing fetus. Some will walk away and never be heard from again, while others will simply take the nearest substance that will quickly send them to hell.

You badly need a child, but providence has not yet been kind to you for the human cycle works in less predictable ways compared to that of other animals. It’s not your fault when conception doesn’t happen at the right time and frustration pushes you to the wall. A husband who leaves you for another woman just because you couldn’t get that child in his appointed time is not worth the title and neither should a marriage be about children, children and more children.

Do not think of what to do when you discover that his mistress is pregnant; rather work on your happiness and his inside the marriage. When things do not go according to plan, it helps to seek the help of a professional counselor rather than setting off on a revenge mission. Apportioning blame and calling each other names or going for the other woman’s jugular will not solve the problem and neither will it ensure that you keep your husband.

Many factors may be to blame for this unfortunate incident but when it happens, the least you can do is try to force the fetus out of her womb. Leave the decision to her and seek an alternative solution. Last but not least, it helps when you cry for a while, dry your tears and find something else that will absorb your depression for when you are depressed, chances of getting a child of your own may even be slimmer.

Forgive me for asking this though. I love children yes, I adore them and find their purity and innocence admirable, but should they mean everything in the world when the ability to get them or not is out of our hands?

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17 Responses to “When The Mistress is Pregnant But You are Still Trying”
  1. LoveDoctor Says:

    I would definitely go to her house and tell that home wrecker off.

  2. Jimmy Shilaho Says:

    That wouldn’t solve the problem doc.

  3. LOVELYHONEY Says:

    child out side wedlock
    is cheating
    mistress or not
    so you provide for both
    now don’t hide
    as you have enjoyed
    another free ride .

    child or no child
    you have an heir
    legal or illegal
    now friend own up
    you that can’t ever hide.
    your wife is a mismatch with you
    but let her now
    arrange a changed horse ride
    and
    don’t get mad at her,
    have another one, with pride.

  4. Jimmy Shilaho Says:

    That is a tough one LH.

  5. Anuradha Ramkumar Says:

    In my opinion, children are God’s gift and marriage is just not about children. There’s more to a marriage relationship.

  6. suhail Says:

    man this one is way for confusing for me to comment … not the post but what side to take and what to do to set things right in such cases … darn i still end up commenting here .. dont know my own powers i guess

  7. Jimmy Shilaho Says:

    You are right Anuradha

  8. Jimmy Shilaho Says:

    Its a tough one Suhail, I agree with you.

  9. chayanika Says:

    I would have walk away of the marriage. I think that is the most obvious outcome of such a situation.

  10. Jimmy Shilaho Says:

    Maybe Chayanika, we all respond to trauma in different ways. Walking away is one of them.

  11. Jewelstar Says:

    Every wife is possessive of her husband. So she would not tolerate her man having a child from another woman.

  12. Atanacio Says:

    this is a tough one Shilaho

  13. LoveDoctor Says:

    I agree with Frank.

  14. Starpisces Says:

    don’t know how also, baby is produced, means quite serious stage, and I’m still trying means not yet, so may have to walk out…..by the way, sounds familiar in those soap drama?
    very interesting post as always.

  15. giftarist Says:

    That’s a difficult situation. I don’t want to get involve in it. :)

  16. jennifer eiffel01 Says:

    Good article. I’m the luckiest wife in the world. My husband adores me, does what his friends consider ‘women’s work’
    Is that adorable baby your baby on your profile page? That sure is a cute bay!

  17. LOVELYHONEY Says:

    if this is the objectionable comment please delete it

    thanks if not

    then which one r u referring to

    some error on my part of understanding

    my PUBLIC APOLOGY FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING


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